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Offtopic thread

Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by ironic » Sun Jun 12, 2016 11:06 am

Everything about it is horrible and terrifying.
I took a quick look on the news in our media and saw so many homophobes (AND xenophobes) in the comments. It makes me feel sick.
I hope you and your close ones are all safe.
If we all just traded in our knives for cakes, the world would be a better place.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by coffee pig » Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:04 pm

I'm still so deeply saddened by what happened in Orlando. I can't even find the words to express how I feel about what happened.

On a more cheerful note, I went to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in London on Saturday and it was in one word, incredible. It exceeded my expectations. I'm going to see Part 2 on Tuesday and I can't wait.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by loststars » Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:03 pm

What happened is truly devastating. I really hope that nothing like this occurs ever again but the sad truth is that those horrifying incidents never stop..



Something to lighten the mood - I just saw the pap pics of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston and it's the most random and hilarious thing. I'm kind of a fan of his and tsktsktsk I'm disappointed lmao.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by Anonymousse » Wed Sep 14, 2016 12:21 am

I miss coffee pig :?

:daddy:
But who the fuck am I kidding? I'm mostly just the rotting banana peel at the bottom of the phan trash can who genuinely gets excited over the thought of them snuggling in bed. Idgaf let a bitch live
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by Ticia » Sun Sep 18, 2016 8:06 am

I hereby summon the lazy, music devotees of this beloved forum and ask: do you know of any website like 8tracks or Pandora where you can listen to playlists made by users, that is not Spotify?
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by GreenLight » Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:33 pm

Reviving this good ol' thread!
Looking for some advice from the Londoners who frequent this site....my boyfriend, me, and another couple are planning a week trip to London, and none of us have ever been there. Are there any must dos? We are staying in fairly central London, but I'm really just looking for any ideas anyone has.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by eevee » Sun Nov 13, 2016 9:06 pm

GreenLight wrote:Reviving this good ol' thread!
Looking for some advice from the Londoners who frequent this site....my boyfriend, me, and another couple are planning a week trip to London, and none of us have ever been there. Are there any must dos? We are staying in fairly central London, but I'm really just looking for any ideas anyone has.


quoting this so it'll show up in my recently posted. I'm studying abroad in London next semester and would love to see the advice as well!
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by corn flakes » Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:20 am

eevee wrote:
GreenLight wrote:Reviving this good ol' thread!
Looking for some advice from the Londoners who frequent this site....my boyfriend, me, and another couple are planning a week trip to London, and none of us have ever been there. Are there any must dos? We are staying in fairly central London, but I'm really just looking for any ideas anyone has.


quoting this so it'll show up in my recently posted. I'm studying abroad in London next semester and would love to see the advice as well!


Adding myself: I would like to study/make a period of practice next year in the Uk or Germany. Unfortunately the few information I have for GB makes it clear that I can only do it in my final year (the next one) and I need a IELTS of 7/7.5 ( I have a grade C CAE certificate and some universities take only IELTS), so my application time frame is quite small. If someone have some tips or lives there I would love a pm. :love1:
Regarding germany I'm going to take a course to achieve a B1 by next summer, then an intensive course/abroad period to have a B2, from what I read as a student in my final year I should be taken, problem is that I can't understand to who I have to ask, again I would love if someone from there could pm me. <3
sorry if my post is a mess , I tried to search some information on internet, to ask on fb on some groups but I'm quite confused and my uni doesn't have an info office for this kind of things.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by IckleMissMayhem » Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:44 am

Not from London, but 1, download Citymapper onto your phone, and 2, get an Oystercard, it makes all the public transport cheaper and easier to use.

Touristy places? Off the top of my head; Tower of London, London Eye, Madame Tussaud's, (Changing the Guard at) Buckingham Palace, Regent's Park/London Zoo, take your pick of any of the museums/galleries...
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by LeftHandedism » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:53 pm

I'm not from London, but I lived there for six months last century and have visited frequently since.

Absolutely get an Oyster Card (especially since you can't use cash on buses anymore). I haven't used Citymapper, but there is also a great journey-planning website/app at https://tfl.gov.uk/

The Tower of London is the #1 place to go. Other places to consider include Big Ben/Westminster Abbey (though it's really crowded and expensive!), Hyde Park (as seen in "Dan and Phil play Pokemon GO! #2"), and the British Museum (it's free and has amazing mummies and little things like the Rosetta Stone; also, go to the tea room up at the top--and get the best Cream Tea in London).

An excellent small museum (you can cover it in a couple of hours) is the Museum of London. If you're willing to go a bit out of town (still within the reach of your Oyster card!), go to Kew Gardens (arguably best botanical garden in the world) and Hampton Court (breathtaking massive palace of the Tudors with lots of interpreters/re-enacters, very cool hedge maze, more gardens).

You can also even take a day trip by coach to Bath and Stonehenge--kind of crazy but Stonehenge is awesome and Bath is pretty cool too.

And don't forget to just take some time to wander around, especially a bit off the tourist path, to get a sense of the real London. The parks (like Hyde Park) are a good option--you can pretty much cross London just going from park to park, and you'll find more Londoners than tourists. Or walk along or across the Thames.

Whatever you do, it will almost certainly be rewarding. London is a great place!
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by Amiaw » Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:33 am

corn flakes wrote:
eevee wrote:
GreenLight wrote:Reviving this good ol' thread!
Looking for some advice from the Londoners who frequent this site....my boyfriend, me, and another couple are planning a week trip to London, and none of us have ever been there. Are there any must dos? We are staying in fairly central London, but I'm really just looking for any ideas anyone has.


quoting this so it'll show up in my recently posted. I'm studying abroad in London next semester and would love to see the advice as well!


Adding myself: I would like to study/make a period of practice next year in the Uk or Germany. Unfortunately the few information I have for GB makes it clear that I can only do it in my final year (the next one) and I need a IELTS of 7/7.5 ( I have a grade C CAE certificate and some universities take only IELTS), so my application time frame is quite small. If someone have some tips or lives there I would love a pm. :love1:
Regarding germany I'm going to take a course to achieve a B1 by next summer, then an intensive course/abroad period to have a B2, from what I read as a student in my final year I should be taken, problem is that I can't understand to who I have to ask, again I would love if someone from there could pm me. <3
sorry if my post is a mess , I tried to search some information on internet, to ask on fb on some groups but I'm quite confused and my uni doesn't have an info office for this kind of things.


Adding myself to this conversation- I'm going to London for the first time in April. Any advice on where to stay? I'm leaning towards Camden Town but am open to suggestions- just need easy to get around, not too crazy expensive, and a fun area
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by CallMeAyana » Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:37 am

I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but... I have a question. I've seen this argument quite often, and I know people irl who supports this. I'm trying very hard to see where they're coming from, but... I can't. While I do respect their opinion, I wouldn't say that I have agreed to them. EVER.
So... here's the question: Why is it that some people who support LGBT-identifying people don't agree with non-heterosexual relationships? Like... I have one friend who has that view, and I have another one who had that view, but she seemed to change her mind about it (she read an article about heteronormativity or something), and saw where I was coming from. Also, while I do agree that people are more accepting of the LGBT community now, some of those people aren't as accepting of non-heterosexual couples.
...Sorry for the rant, but I am just genuinely curious about this since I just recently realized how prevalent it is (of what I've seen, anyways). I've read a comments section on Facebook on how other people support LGBT-identifying people, but don't support non-heterosexual relationships. Some of these people also gave very... passive-agressive (imo) replies, like... "Let them just be themselves. In the end, they'll be the ones who will suffer, anyways" like... that's pretty passive-agressive, right?
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by teamug » Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:29 am

CallMeAyana wrote:
I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but... I have a question. I've seen this argument quite often, and I know people irl who supports this. I'm trying very hard to see where they're coming from, but... I can't. While I do respect their opinion, I wouldn't say that I have agreed to them. EVER.
So... here's the question: Why is it that some people who support LGBT-identifying people don't agree with non-heterosexual relationships? Like... I have one friend who has that view, and I have another one who had that view, but she seemed to change her mind about it (she read an article about heteronormativity or something), and saw where I was coming from. Also, while I do agree that people are more accepting of the LGBT community now, some of those people aren't as accepting of non-heterosexual couples.
...Sorry for the rant, but I am just genuinely curious about this since I just recently realized how prevalent it is (of what I've seen, anyways). I've read a comments section on Facebook on how other people support LGBT-identifying people, but don't support non-heterosexual relationships. Some of these people also gave very... passive-agressive (imo) replies, like... "Let them just be themselves. In the end, they'll be the ones who will suffer, anyways" like... that's pretty passive-agressive, right?


In my experience it has to do with words and actions. Let's say FTH is one of the people you describe. FTH is fine when someone talks about LGBT+, but seeing a LGBT+ person act as an LGBT+ will bring out their true nature. Words they can handle, seeing the truth of these words..not so much. The (stupid) people who tolerate up to a point, but won't respect a person who acts on their words. Tbh they aren't even tolerant, if they can't accept the whole person, relationships, attractions, flirting, dating, and all the emotions that come with love, if someone can't see that it isn't exclusive to a single orientation, they're missing out on more than just acceptance of non-het relationships. It'll come down to religion, natural order, marriage is meant for a man and woman because they can carry on the species. It's ingrained in them, so they are superficially supportive, but don't think further on the subject of love, relationships, family, and what constitutes them. (also .. they don't think because they don't know, what is important is do they want to know?)
And, "In the end, they'll be the ones who will suffer, anyways", isn't merely passive-aggressive, it's intimidation, a religious threat to manipulate orientation.
bit of a crap comment to an important question, sorry.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by CallMeAyana » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:17 am

teamug wrote:
CallMeAyana wrote:
I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but... I have a question. I've seen this argument quite often, and I know people irl who supports this. I'm trying very hard to see where they're coming from, but... I can't. While I do respect their opinion, I wouldn't say that I have agreed to them. EVER.
So... here's the question: Why is it that some people who support LGBT-identifying people don't agree with non-heterosexual relationships? Like... I have one friend who has that view, and I have another one who had that view, but she seemed to change her mind about it (she read an article about heteronormativity or something), and saw where I was coming from. Also, while I do agree that people are more accepting of the LGBT community now, some of those people aren't as accepting of non-heterosexual couples.
...Sorry for the rant, but I am just genuinely curious about this since I just recently realized how prevalent it is (of what I've seen, anyways). I've read a comments section on Facebook on how other people support LGBT-identifying people, but don't support non-heterosexual relationships. Some of these people also gave very... passive-aggressive (imo) replies, like... "Let them just be themselves. In the end, they'll be the ones who will suffer, anyways" like... that's pretty passive-aggressive, right?


In my experience it has to do with words and actions. Let's say FTH is one of the people you describe. FTH is fine when someone talks about LGBT+, but seeing a LGBT+ person act as an LGBT+ will bring out their true nature. Words they can handle, seeing the truth of these words..not so much. The (stupid) people who tolerate up to a point, but won't respect a person who acts on their words. Tbh they aren't even tolerant, if they can't accept the whole person, relationships, attractions, flirting, dating, and all the emotions that come with love, if someone can't see that it isn't exclusive to a single orientation, they're missing out on more than just acceptance of non-het relationships. It'll come down to religion, natural order, marriage is meant for a man and woman because they can carry on the species. It's ingrained in them, so they are superficially supportive, but don't think further on the subject of love, relationships, family, and what constitutes them. (also .. they don't think because they don't know, what is important is do they want to know?)
And, "In the end, they'll be the ones who will suffer, anyways", isn't merely passive-aggressive, it's intimidation, a religious threat to manipulate orientation.
bit of a crap comment to an important question, sorry.

Thank you for your insight. I do think that that's the thing - they say that they "support" LGBT-identifying individuals, but only as individuals. They find non-hetero relationships to be very "inappropriate" (that's the exact term that some people used). I'm kind of appalled of the fact that they "support" LGBT-identifying individuals, and yet don't support non-hetero relationships. It's like they only support it because, well... there's nothing bad or wrong with identifying yourself as LGBT except for the fact that you aren't supposed to love another human being of the same sex. It's like they're taking away a part of those people's identities just by taking away the rights of those people to love. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved in return, and they're taking it away from those people. That's what makes me very adamant about my stance - love is love, no matter what shape or form. Our world is already dark and corrupted, and taking away the rights of another human being to love is making this world more miserable than it is (sorry for being such a sappy crap, but it's true).
And, yes, it's not only passive-aggressive, but also a form of intimidation. LGBT-identifying people will be guilt-tripped (is that the word?) in loving someone of the same-sex romantically. They will be forced to think of the "consequences" that they will face if they cross over "that line". While I do think that there is life after death, I don't think anyone will go to hell just by loving someone of the same sex romantically.
Also, the marriage part. When someone says the term "marriage", it doesn't immediately mean "of a man and a woman", and that doesn't mean that its definition won't change. For example, the word "nice". Today, it's defined as "pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory", but back in the days, it was defined as "silly; foolish; simple". So does plenty of other words. If we won't accept changes (positive changes), how can the world evolve? We're already devolving as it is, and not accepting changes that are positive is not helping.
I do not also understand why people refuse to accept same-sex relationships because... why? Would it affect them negatively? How would it even affect them negatively when those people aren't even bothering them? They're only making other people's lives miserable.
Again, sorry for this long post (I'm sorry if anyone find this post offensive, and I'm really sorry if I did offend you. Still, I stand by my point).
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by Anonymousse » Wed Apr 05, 2017 9:51 pm

Venting a bit.

I was here last year, same time, talking about my friend. This time it will be 2 years on the 10th of April and I feel like I've changed so much as a person. My friend is still dead but I am alive and I finally actually FEEL alive.

Last year, same time I had no idea what was ahead of me, I lost my SO, my friends, my family, my sanity and in the end actually my will to live. The lowest point happened in October when I reached a point I had never reached - hysteria. At that point I just didn't feel like myself, I had no control over my actions and it almost was the end of the road for me.

I had pushed my friends away so I couldn't hurt them but they couldn't help me either. Thankfully something that was said to me gave me the strength to seek out professional help and I haven't looked back. Someone finally listened to me, helped me and assured me that I had every right to be.. angry, sad, frustrated even suicidal. The people I loved the dearest had done me wrong and brushed off my feelings just as some of them had when I was a child when something bad had happened, even when I almost got kidnapped.

I'm still angry, bitter and coping with everything. I had a terrible childhood and some wounds will probably never heal for me, but I can do so much to understand what went wrong and that these things were not my fault. I moved out of my childhood home, which was a terrible living situation, about 2 months ago and I have learned to be a lot more at ease with myself e.g. I don't cry when I have to order food from a restaurant (true story, this has happened many times).

Sadly I've burned bridges and hurt people while I've been dealing with my relationship with myself. I've lost friends. For that I am sorry.

I stopped coming here at some point in the summer - not because I didn't like the people here but I was so fragile in my being that I was afraid that someone might say something that would make me change my mind about getting better. I know we are watched, still makes me feel uneasy, but when I'll feel better I'll come back with muh bantz full force :japhan: .

:blackheart:


:daddy:
But who the fuck am I kidding? I'm mostly just the rotting banana peel at the bottom of the phan trash can who genuinely gets excited over the thought of them snuggling in bed. Idgaf let a bitch live
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by swofro » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:09 am

Anonymousse wrote:Venting a bit.

I was here last year, same time, talking about my friend. This time it will be 2 years on the 10th of April and I feel like I've changed so much as a person. My friend is still dead but I am alive and I finally actually FEEL alive.

Last year, same time I had no idea what was ahead of me, I lost my SO, my friends, my family, my sanity and in the end actually my will to live. The lowest point happened in October when I reached a point I had never reached - hysteria. At that point I just didn't feel like myself, I had no control over my actions and it almost was the end of the road for me.

I had pushed my friends away so I couldn't hurt them but they couldn't help me either. Thankfully something that was said to me gave me the strength to seek out professional help and I haven't looked back. Someone finally listened to me, helped me and assured me that I had every right to be.. angry, sad, frustrated even suicidal. The people I loved the dearest had done me wrong and brushed off my feelings just as some of them had when I was a child when something bad had happened, even when I almost got kidnapped.

I'm still angry, bitter and coping with everything. I had a terrible childhood and some wounds will probably never heal for me, but I can do so much to understand what went wrong and that these things were not my fault. I moved out of my childhood home, which was a terrible living situation, about 2 months ago and I have learned to be a lot more at ease with myself e.g. I don't cry when I have to order food from a restaurant (true story, this has happened many times).

Sadly I've burned bridges and hurt people while I've been dealing with my relationship with myself. I've lost friends. For that I am sorry.

I stopped coming here at some point in the summer - not because I didn't like the people here but I was so fragile in my being that I was afraid that someone might say something that would make me change my mind about getting better. I know we are watched, still makes me feel uneasy, but when I'll feel better I'll come back with muh bantz full force :japhan: .

:blackheart:


:daddy:

All the hugs and loves for you, nonny.
I will be patiently waiting for the return of your bantz
:tackle:
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by bluewho » Wed Apr 12, 2017 5:50 pm

Anonymousse wrote:Venting a bit.

I was here last year, same time, talking about my friend. This time it will be 2 years on the 10th of April and I feel like I've changed so much as a person. My friend is still dead but I am alive and I finally actually FEEL alive.

Last year, same time I had no idea what was ahead of me, I lost my SO, my friends, my family, my sanity and in the end actually my will to live. The lowest point happened in October when I reached a point I had never reached - hysteria. At that point I just didn't feel like myself, I had no control over my actions and it almost was the end of the road for me.

I had pushed my friends away so I couldn't hurt them but they couldn't help me either. Thankfully something that was said to me gave me the strength to seek out professional help and I haven't looked back. Someone finally listened to me, helped me and assured me that I had every right to be.. angry, sad, frustrated even suicidal. The people I loved the dearest had done me wrong and brushed off my feelings just as some of them had when I was a child when something bad had happened, even when I almost got kidnapped.

I'm still angry, bitter and coping with everything. I had a terrible childhood and some wounds will probably never heal for me, but I can do so much to understand what went wrong and that these things were not my fault. I moved out of my childhood home, which was a terrible living situation, about 2 months ago and I have learned to be a lot more at ease with myself e.g. I don't cry when I have to order food from a restaurant (true story, this has happened many times).

Sadly I've burned bridges and hurt people while I've been dealing with my relationship with myself. I've lost friends. For that I am sorry.

I stopped coming here at some point in the summer - not because I didn't like the people here but I was so fragile in my being that I was afraid that someone might say something that would make me change my mind about getting better. I know we are watched, still makes me feel uneasy, but when I'll feel better I'll come back with muh bantz full force :japhan: .

:blackheart:


:daddy:


Take all the time you need Anon. I hope things continue to get better for you <3
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by SexyTrashCan » Sun Apr 23, 2017 4:17 am

I'm guessing here is as good a place as any to rant?
Warning: Really, really long sexuality rant
I'm a 14 year old girl, recently coming to terms with the fact that I'm at least a solid 4 on the Kinsey scale but also that I somehow have internalised homophobia.
I don't know how. I'm not religious, I'm surrounded by LGBT people, I ship gay fictional couples and occasional people like Dan and Phil, my friends all think I'm one of the most accepting people and I am and that's what I strive to be.
But I'm still not at peace with myself and scared to act on anything because I feel like I'm somehow wrong and I genuinely hate this internalised homophobia which I can't overcome and I've been trying to and actually Dan and Phil have helped with that, and also a show I've been watching lately called Torchwood as well.
I just genuinely don't know what to do about it because I can't talk about it to anyone without them thinking I'm homophobic when I'm really not. My friends keep pushing me to come out to my parents and sister (my sister has always had an inkling that I'm not straight) and some people even have outted me to people when I've made it clear I don't want it to, like one of my friends outing me to my best friend who I was terrified of coming out to in case she'd see things like going to coffee shops or cinemas with her as me somehow being sexually attracted to her which I am not and could never see her that way. (Although I'm pretty sure she knew I wasn't straight)
Heck, I think it's taken years to come to terms with my sexuality and I didn't even realise it. Ever since my friends started having crushes on boys etc and I thought that they were making it up and it was normal to not ever view boys that way, and even my sister questioning me from the age of 11 about my sexuality and me at first saying I didn't know before eventually cracking and saying I was straight and telling everyone I was 100% straight and forcing myself to believe it. At some point, I started having dreams fantasising about kissing and doing things with a good female (straight) friend of mine but when I woke up I would pass it off by going "It's just a dream. It means nothing." Until one night at 2am I had an epiphany and a mild mental breakdown over the fact I wasn't straight and these dreams really did mean something and also that I'd developed a crush on this girl.
I had this epiphany last August in the summer holidays so I had time to think. In October I came out to one of my friends and I was so lucky that she hugged me and told me she would like me no matter what.
Then bizarrely the last year a lot of my friends have been coming out mainly as bi or pan and I guess at the time it gave me a confidence boost to come out to another one of my good friends and she was great too, although she told a bunch of my friends who told other friends etc. It's now a widely known fact in my friendship group that I'm not straight.
But another thing is that one of my good friends is homophobic. Or I guess in a way, ignorant. I found this out when I was talking about Dan and Phil and she watched the Australia DITL video and liked it but the instant I talked about Phan she suddenly decided she didn't like them. She's so ignorant that when my friend and I were looking at DAPGO she even saw that Dan was using straighteners and decided that was weird because straighteners are only for girls. I'm 100 percent serious she really said that. She thinks that the fact that two guys like Dan and Phil *could* be in a relationship is too weird and a relationship should only be between a man and a woman. She knows I think her views are disgusting but that doesn't stop her or change her views and it's preventing me from being as open about my sexuality as I would like.
I've still been contemplating coming out to my family a lot, carefully gauging people's reactions. I know for a fact that my parents don't have an extreme problem with homosexual people and even my Catholic grandparents support LGBT rights and think it's horrible that people face discrimination and ridicule but I'm still too scared of a negative reaction.
So yeah I still have that internalised homophobia and no way to get over it and this turned into a lot longer rant than I expected :facepalm:.
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by captainspacecoat » Mon Apr 24, 2017 11:37 pm

SexyTrashCan wrote:
I'm a 14 year old girl, recently coming to terms with the fact that I'm at least a solid 4 on the Kinsey scale but also that I somehow have internalised homophobia.
I don't know how. I'm not religious, I'm surrounded by LGBT people, I ship gay fictional couples and occasional people like Dan and Phil, my friends all think I'm one of the most accepting people and I am and that's what I strive to be.
But I'm still not at peace with myself and scared to act on anything because I feel like I'm somehow wrong and I genuinely hate this internalised homophobia which I can't overcome and I've been trying to and actually Dan and Phil have helped with that, and also a show I've been watching lately called Torchwood as well.
I just genuinely don't know what to do about it because I can't talk about it to anyone without them thinking I'm homophobic when I'm really not. My friends keep pushing me to come out to my parents and sister (my sister has always had an inkling that I'm not straight) and some people even have outted me to people when I've made it clear I don't want it to, like one of my friends outing me to my best friend who I was terrified of coming out to in case she'd see things like going to coffee shops or cinemas with her as me somehow being sexually attracted to her which I am not and could never see her that way. (Although I'm pretty sure she knew I wasn't straight)
Heck, I think it's taken years to come to terms with my sexuality and I didn't even realise it. Ever since my friends started having crushes on boys etc and I thought that they were making it up and it was normal to not ever view boys that way, and even my sister questioning me from the age of 11 about my sexuality and me at first saying I didn't know before eventually cracking and saying I was straight and telling everyone I was 100% straight and forcing myself to believe it. At some point, I started having dreams fantasising about kissing and doing things with a good female (straight) friend of mine but when I woke up I would pass it off by going "It's just a dream. It means nothing." Until one night at 2am I had an epiphany and a mild mental breakdown over the fact I wasn't straight and these dreams really did mean something and also that I'd developed a crush on this girl.
I had this epiphany last August in the summer holidays so I had time to think. In October I came out to one of my friends and I was so lucky that she hugged me and told me she would like me no matter what.
Then bizarrely the last year a lot of my friends have been coming out mainly as bi or pan and I guess at the time it gave me a confidence boost to come out to another one of my good friends and she was great too, although she told a bunch of my friends who told other friends etc. It's now a widely known fact in my friendship group that I'm not straight.
But another thing is that one of my good friends is homophobic. Or I guess in a way, ignorant. I found this out when I was talking about Dan and Phil and she watched the Australia DITL video and liked it but the instant I talked about Phan she suddenly decided she didn't like them. She's so ignorant that when my friend and I were looking at DAPGO she even saw that Dan was using straighteners and decided that was weird because straighteners are only for girls. I'm 100 percent serious she really said that. She thinks that the fact that two guys like Dan and Phil *could* be in a relationship is too weird and a relationship should only be between a man and a woman. She knows I think her views are disgusting but that doesn't stop her or change her views and it's preventing me from being as open about my sexuality as I would like.
I've still been contemplating coming out to my family a lot, carefully gauging people's reactions. I know for a fact that my parents don't have an extreme problem with homosexual people and even my Catholic grandparents support LGBT rights and think it's horrible that people face discrimination and ridicule but I'm still too scared of a negative reaction.
So yeah I still have that internalised homophobia and no way to get over it and this turned into a lot longer rant than I expected :facepalm:.


First of all: sending you lots of solidarity and strength and light, it sounds like you're going through a tricky time!
I guess I just wanted to let you know that it's okay if you have internalised homophobia, and that that's actually pretty common for non-straight people! I'll be 21 next month and I'm still struggling with it - in fact it wasn't until last year that I was finally able to admit to myself that I'm bi, and that what I felt for girls was genuine attraction. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is organised in such a way that calls straightness normal, and so growing up we subconsciously feel like being non-straight is abnormal or wrong or weird - even if our own family/friends are accepting.

For me personally, I was so afraid to admit to myself I wasn't straight because I didn't want to be different - I didn't want people to view me as weird and I didn't want to stand out from the crowd. I knew logically and objectively that it wasn't wrong, that my sexuality was real and valid and perfectly okay, but I couldn't help feeling afraid of it. It can take a long time to get all your thoughts in your head gathered up, and to finally truly feel okay with your sexuality. I'm still only out to one other person (my friend who is also not straight), and it's really only over the past few months that I've started to make peace with maybe telling my family some time soon.

I guess the important thing to remember is that there's no rush - be gentle with yourself and take your time in learning to love yourself and embrace who you truly are. You never have to come out to your family if you don't want to or aren't ready - hopefully one day you'll feel comfortable and willing to let them know but even if that day never comes that's perfectly okay. Nobody is entitled to know your sexuality, and you have every right to come out on your own terms. I hope that your friends stop pressuring you and spreading it around, as that's not okay and you deserve better.

In summary, you are the only person who truly knows how you feel and your happiness and comfort is the most important thing. There's no rush to come out (you never have to come out if you don't want to), don't feel pressured to label yourself, and don't feel bad for experiencing internalised homophobia as it's not your fault and is just a result of the shitty society we live in. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way <3
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captainspacecoat
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Re: Offtopic thread

PostPosted by SexyTrashCan » Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:52 am

captainspacecoat wrote:
SexyTrashCan wrote:
I'm a 14 year old girl, recently coming to terms with the fact that I'm at least a solid 4 on the Kinsey scale but also that I somehow have internalised homophobia.
I don't know how. I'm not religious, I'm surrounded by LGBT people, I ship gay fictional couples and occasional people like Dan and Phil, my friends all think I'm one of the most accepting people and I am and that's what I strive to be.
But I'm still not at peace with myself and scared to act on anything because I feel like I'm somehow wrong and I genuinely hate this internalised homophobia which I can't overcome and I've been trying to and actually Dan and Phil have helped with that, and also a show I've been watching lately called Torchwood as well.
I just genuinely don't know what to do about it because I can't talk about it to anyone without them thinking I'm homophobic when I'm really not. My friends keep pushing me to come out to my parents and sister (my sister has always had an inkling that I'm not straight) and some people even have outted me to people when I've made it clear I don't want it to, like one of my friends outing me to my best friend who I was terrified of coming out to in case she'd see things like going to coffee shops or cinemas with her as me somehow being sexually attracted to her which I am not and could never see her that way. (Although I'm pretty sure she knew I wasn't straight)
Heck, I think it's taken years to come to terms with my sexuality and I didn't even realise it. Ever since my friends started having crushes on boys etc and I thought that they were making it up and it was normal to not ever view boys that way, and even my sister questioning me from the age of 11 about my sexuality and me at first saying I didn't know before eventually cracking and saying I was straight and telling everyone I was 100% straight and forcing myself to believe it. At some point, I started having dreams fantasising about kissing and doing things with a good female (straight) friend of mine but when I woke up I would pass it off by going "It's just a dream. It means nothing." Until one night at 2am I had an epiphany and a mild mental breakdown over the fact I wasn't straight and these dreams really did mean something and also that I'd developed a crush on this girl.
I had this epiphany last August in the summer holidays so I had time to think. In October I came out to one of my friends and I was so lucky that she hugged me and told me she would like me no matter what.
Then bizarrely the last year a lot of my friends have been coming out mainly as bi or pan and I guess at the time it gave me a confidence boost to come out to another one of my good friends and she was great too, although she told a bunch of my friends who told other friends etc. It's now a widely known fact in my friendship group that I'm not straight.
But another thing is that one of my good friends is homophobic. Or I guess in a way, ignorant. I found this out when I was talking about Dan and Phil and she watched the Australia DITL video and liked it but the instant I talked about Phan she suddenly decided she didn't like them. She's so ignorant that when my friend and I were looking at DAPGO she even saw that Dan was using straighteners and decided that was weird because straighteners are only for girls. I'm 100 percent serious she really said that. She thinks that the fact that two guys like Dan and Phil *could* be in a relationship is too weird and a relationship should only be between a man and a woman. She knows I think her views are disgusting but that doesn't stop her or change her views and it's preventing me from being as open about my sexuality as I would like.
I've still been contemplating coming out to my family a lot, carefully gauging people's reactions. I know for a fact that my parents don't have an extreme problem with homosexual people and even my Catholic grandparents support LGBT rights and think it's horrible that people face discrimination and ridicule but I'm still too scared of a negative reaction.
So yeah I still have that internalised homophobia and no way to get over it and this turned into a lot longer rant than I expected :facepalm:.


First of all: sending you lots of solidarity and strength and light, it sounds like you're going through a tricky time!
I guess I just wanted to let you know that it's okay if you have internalised homophobia, and that that's actually pretty common for non-straight people! I'll be 21 next month and I'm still struggling with it - in fact it wasn't until last year that I was finally able to admit to myself that I'm bi, and that what I felt for girls was genuine attraction. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is organised in such a way that calls straightness normal, and so growing up we subconsciously feel like being non-straight is abnormal or wrong or weird - even if our own family/friends are accepting.

For me personally, I was so afraid to admit to myself I wasn't straight because I didn't want to be different - I didn't want people to view me as weird and I didn't want to stand out from the crowd. I knew logically and objectively that it wasn't wrong, that my sexuality was real and valid and perfectly okay, but I couldn't help feeling afraid of it. It can take a long time to get all your thoughts in your head gathered up, and to finally truly feel okay with your sexuality. I'm still only out to one other person (my friend who is also not straight), and it's really only over the past few months that I've started to make peace with maybe telling my family some time soon.

I guess the important thing to remember is that there's no rush - be gentle with yourself and take your time in learning to love yourself and embrace who you truly are. You never have to come out to your family if you don't want to or aren't ready - hopefully one day you'll feel comfortable and willing to let them know but even if that day never comes that's perfectly okay. Nobody is entitled to know your sexuality, and you have every right to come out on your own terms. I hope that your friends stop pressuring you and spreading it around, as that's not okay and you deserve better.

In summary, you are the only person who truly knows how you feel and your happiness and comfort is the most important thing. There's no rush to come out (you never have to come out if you don't want to), don't feel pressured to label yourself, and don't feel bad for experiencing internalised homophobia as it's not your fault and is just a result of the shitty society we live in. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way <3

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. They really do mean a lot to me and I'm glad to know I'm not alone <3
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SexyTrashCan
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