D: Hey guys! Are you ready for some ‘edu-tainment’ ? **(Note: education + entertainment. Yes, it’s stupid.)** Right, well as we know from the many videos across the internet and of course Charlie’s two videos, even though you are speaking English, depending on where you are speaking English, it’s as if you are speaking a completely different language.
D: And those of you who aren’t from the UK might not know that, in fact, not everybody in England sounds exactly the same.
D: See I’m from the south of England, so you could say that I talk like the Queen… or a ponce. But if you are from the north of England, now that’s a whole other thing.
D: So for this to be a totally real scientific experiment, I will of course need a specimen with a northern accent. **(Note: so recap, south = Paris, north = Chicoutimi, haha)** Now, before people in the comments go *weird noises* ‘your copying Charlie!’, here is an actually email from Charlie himself giving me permission to make this video. So, there. Hah!
D: So, welcome to the stage, our northern accent specimen, Chris!
D: So, Chris, you are an actual northern person… from the depths of Yorkshire.
C: I couldn’t get any more northern. I’m from a place called Harrogate, which is deep. I’m basically–
D: –deep Yorkshire. Do they have internet out there? What’s it like?
C: No, I don’t think so.
D: Right, so I have this list of northern slang words that Phil has researched. **(Note: Phil is his roommate.)** Thing is, I’m on the side of the Americans with this one, because I’ll probably have absolutely no idea what any of these things mean.
C: You’re gonna get some of these. These are easy, you have to get some of these.
C: What is ‘Brew’?
D: A brew? I know that! It’s a drink.
C: But what kind? It’s a very specific type of drink.
D: Tea. Ding ding ding!
D: Um, what? claggy?
D: Sounds like some sort of venereal disease.
C: Oh, it’s a bit claggy out tonight.
D: Is it something about the sort of people that are outside? Those girls are a bit claggy. I don’t know what I mean by that.
C: The air is thick and moist. Next… ‘Keks’? Spelled k-e-k-s.
D: Isn’t that the term for messing your pants? I keked myself.
C: Your very close, but yeah–
D: Really? What does it mean?
D: It means pants? That’s a very unattractive word. When your in bed with a lady, your gonna go ‘take my keks off’? Not very romantic, is it?
C: I don’t know, ‘cause I’m northern–
D: –Throw me your keks.
C: I’m northern. That’s already turning me on. I’m kind of aroused. Just all this talking about keks.
D: From all the keking that’s happening right now.
C: I keked myself!
C: Easy! ’Nowt’?
D: Nothing! I know that one. Ding ding ding.
C: ‘Popped his clogs’?
D: Um, lost virginity? Lose your virginity?
C: If your a robot.
D: Popped his clogs. What does it mean?
C: Ah, he dies.
D: Oh, so, that’s quite different to losing your virginity. Don’t combine the two.
‘So, my granddad popped his clogs last week.’
C: Scran. S-C-R-N. No, S-C-R-A-N.
D: I’m gonna scran you. Does it mean to, like, to stab somebody or something?
C: It’s just food, it means food.
D: You call food ‘scran’?
C: I personally don’t because it sounds gross.
D: It sounds horrific!
C: ‘Mom, what’s for scran?’
D: Scran. It sounds like some orc word for food.
‘Get some scran in me!’
C: I think that’s what orcs were based on, the northern.
D: It’s like… food, food – SCRAN!
D: What? Skriking?
D: That sound even more horrific than the last one. Well, if that doesn’t mean to stab someone and peel off their skin, then I don’t–
C: –it’s even. It’s kind of the same as the last one. The same kind of, um, it doesn’t really suit what it’s saying.
D: Making a daisy chain? I’m skriking right now.
C: ‘I’m skriking my daisy chain.”
D: Don’t have a clue. What does it mean?
D: Crying? Such an emotional word. I’m crying. I’M SKRIKING!
C: It makes it sound like he’s doing that.
D: This is making Yorkshire sound more and more like Mordor with every word.
C: Oh gosh. The next one. ‘Attercop’? A-Double T-E-R-C-O-P.
D: An attercop?
C: Are you sure this isn’t like a prank?
D: A sandwich.
C: For context, it’s like ‘ Oh my god! An attercop! In my bathtub!
D: Some kind of beast? Like a feral dog… what’s an attercop?
C: Why would there be a feral dog in a bathtub?
‘Granddad! Get in here. There’s an attercop in the bathtub!’
D: Okay, what is it?
D: who the hell calls a spider an ‘attercop’?
C: Phil has put in brackets “apparently”.
C: Okay. ‘Wark’? We’re really touching orc territory now. W-A-R-K.
D: A friggin’ battle-axe.
‘I will take my wark!’
C: ‘Pass me my wark!’
‘I got a right wark on.’
D: Okay, so it’s not a battle-axe. If there’s any northern people watching this, please tell us in the comments if Phil is just lying about all these words.
C: There won’t be any northern people watching this–
D: –or if it’s just the horrific truth–
C: –they don’t have the internet.
C: I grew up on a farm. That’s how northern I am, and I don’t know any of these.
D: Really? So you’d know.
C: ’Neet Buzzer’? This just doesn’t make sense. So that’s N-E-E-T Buzzer.
D: A good haircut.
C: That would make sense, wouldn’t it.
‘That’s a right neet buzzer.’
D: That does make sense! But that’s not what it means, does it. What was it?
C: It’s ridiculous. A giant moth.
D: What?! Okay Phil, fuck off. Just out on the town, in Lancaster, and then a fricking giant moth just attacks.
‘It’s a neat buzzer.’
C: ‘Popped his clogs ‘cause he got smashed up by a need buzzer.’ It’s don’t make sense.
D: It’ll eat your babies.
C: The next one is ‘toffee’.
C: What’s toffee, Dan? What’s a toffee?
D: But toffee is a thing. Toffee is toffee.
C: Apparently, toffee means any kind of sweet up there.
D: So they say ‘do you want a toffee?’ and it could mean any kind of sweet.
C: They’d be like ‘do you want a toffee, lad?’ and it’d be a bag of skittles.
D: But toffee is a thing! How could you– it’s like calling everything ‘banana’. It’s like handing someone a steak and being like ‘do you want a banana?’. No, it’s a steak. Whatever! Why don’t call everything hula hoops?
C: Hey, hey, you’re getting racist. The next one’s easy.
C: “Beltin’”, as in B-E-L-T-I-N. Beltin’!
D: Uh, what a northern man does to his wife if the sandwiches aren’t good. I don’t know.
‘I’m gonna fucking belt ya!’
C: I think it means, like, ‘good’. So, ‘oh, that was beltin’!
C: How far north have you been?
D: Manchester city center, haven’t walked past the Nandos. Seriously, that’d the northern experience I have reached.
C: Well, a couple of meters down there is just a massive giant moth.
D: Yeah, just a frigging attercop.
C: Yeah, an attercop fighting.
D: And like Godzilla shit happening.
C: Yeah, I’ve heard this used around. Gozzed.
D: A verb? As in ‘I’m gonna gozz you.’
C: Oh, maybe don’t want to put that.
C: ‘Look at the horrible man. He just gozzed everywhere.’
D: Could you say ‘ I’m gonna gozz you…’?
D: ‘… tonight’?
C: Yeah, you could. That’s how a lot of northern people have intercourse.
D: Spit? That’s horrible.
C: ‘He just gozzed on the floor.’
C: Okay, this one’s good. You’ll like this one.
D: Okay, I have to get some right. Zen mode. Zen mode.
C: This is easy. Cock.
D: What? Cock?
C: So, in context in the northern way, ‘cause I’ve heard it said, ‘Oh, me old cock.’ That sounds bad. ‘Me old cock.’ And then pointing over there, like I’ve got it somewhere in a jar.
D: Okay, so let’s just get this out of the way. It’s doesn’t mean ‘rooster’ or ‘penis’.
C: No. It’s kind of like ‘dear’ or ‘love’.
D: ‘Alright, love?’ Alright, me old cock? Really.
C: So basically, in the north–
D: –there’s just people, walking around calling can other ‘cocks’ all the time. If you said that to someone in Reeding, they’d just stab you in the face.
‘What the fuck you saying, mate?’
C: ‘TRON’? Never heard it used, and I’ve ridden a cow as a child. I grew up riding cows. That’s how northern I am.
C: It means ’to do odd jobs’.
D: Like DIY?
C: So, I don’t know if you’d say–
D: ‘I’m gonna do some TRON.’
C: Oh, this one’s good. ‘Cause I have one of these ‘cause I’m northern. It’s where I keep, like, all my cows. A ‘Ginnel’?
D: A Ginnel? Some kind of currency from 1302. I don’t know. Two ginnels. What was it?
C: A ginnel is like an alleyway.
D: So like ‘I got raped in a ginnel.’
C: I think that’s actually a northern t-shirt. I went to north Yorkshire and got raped in a ginnel.
C: I have a ginnel between like my house and the next house. There was one time I came home really late and ginnels are not, like, really lit, and I stopped and I hit something and I was like, ‘What the fuck was that?’ And it was a homeless person in my ginnel, and he got up and was like ‘*groaning noises*’ And I was terrified, this is in a completely blacken alleyway between two houses. Terrifying.
D: A real northern ginnel.
C: We’re friends now.
D: That’s how you met your fiancée.
D: Let me see, I got ‘brew’ and ‘nowt’. AN that was it. 2 out of 17.
C: Your not very northern.
D: That’s not good.
D: So, there we go. I think we all learned something today, and , yeah, I hope I didn’t offend anyone.
C: Um, you might’ve done.