The second they stepped out, the screaming began. I will admit that the microwave count-down was very clever as it created this hype vibe where you get more and more excited for the moment their sexy little asses sauntered onto that stage.
Once the show actually began, I instantly noticed something a little disheartening. Every word, every movement, every laugh, every wink was time and practiced to the millisecond. I literally had to watch breathing patterns and throat movements to prove to myself that they were even actually speaking and not just lip-syncing off a track.
Have you ever been to a theme park that featured a stage show? Where all the actors are over-the-top and a little TOO enthusiastic? That's exactly what this felt like.
They had even perfected the theater trick of looking just above the heads of the floor audience and just below the mezzanine in order to "look out into the crowd', but never have to chance accidentally catching the eye of someone in the crowd.
Despite the fact that I was watching Youtube's version of Disneyland Live!, the entire thing was terribly amusing and fun. I was really impressed with the intricate details of the stage set itself, with little sneaky things hidden in every crevice of the background.
They opened the show by commenting that this was the very stage where Jennifer Lawrence ate it on the stairs during the Oscars and Dan motioned as if to worship the area it all went down. (puns!)
It of course started with climbing cut-outs of a lion and llama. As they discussed mounting them, it was the first of many moments I was overcome with cringe at the unbelievable level of pandering.
"Oh, sorry you guys. Just having a bit of a..."
*leans into crowd, puts emphasis on voice*
"DOMESTIC."
*gives crowd cheeky smirk*
*Crowd loses mind*
Sigh.
The rest of the show continued in that vein. I can honestly say that if you are not obsessed with their videos already there would be a lot of confusion.
I will say this much...Dan came across as a rehearsed over-actor who held poses like he was waiting for a photograph. Phil seemed strangely comfortable with no stumbles, stutters, stiff poses, etc. Never once during the entire show did they miss a beat, a line, nothing.
Despite all the Mickey Mouse Club bullshit, it was really really fun. I found myself smiling and laughing without even realizing I was doing it. Rooting for sides during their "arguments", getting excited when they began to introduce a new bit, etc. Those little shits are so terribly engaging.
During the 7 Second Challenge I found it very interesting that one of the questioned featured the very unique name of a girl sitting next to us who'd submitted a challenge, but not the actual question she submitted. Cuuuurrrious.
During the magic bit, Phil's eyes genuinely glowed with mischief and excitement. You could tell he was honestly having fun.
During the Dil bit, we got paper plates stamped with "I went to #TATINOF and all I got was this lousy plate" tossed at us (children frantically scramble). I was really amused with the detail they put in Dil's character, down to the stupid pink ring.
At this point, the "omg so much cherry" vodkas had kicked in and I began wondering if the guy playing Dil was attractive underneath that giant head.
During the existential crises, as Dan's cheek lay softly against the filthy stage floor, I for once saw actual humanity in his eyes as he was forced to be of equal level with our faces. I caught his eye for a split second and it felt nice to see a human and not a cardboard cut-out.
During the ISG section, I took the opportunity to run to the bathroom. Stupid broken seal. The lobby was a ghost show and I saw the merch crew slumped on the floor passively staring at their cell phones.
When I ran back,
hiddenwombat filled me in on what I'd missed.
"kids-obsessed-with-videos-parents-worried-what-do-evan-peters-trash blah blah blah" and then we switched and she ran for the bathroom.
It appeared to me that Dan might have been swigging actual wine from the bottle he clutched during the segment.
You can do it, Dan. Home stretch.
The Craft Corner began with the decorated carts. Oh look, Phil's has rainbows and feathers! Dan's has a giant D! You guys! rainbows and a big D! HAH YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. *sigh*. The art seemed to be obvious plants. Not a single one of the items I saw on the table before the show and every one of them seemed a little
too perfect. It was confirmed to me by someone who went to the night show that almost every one of the same items were featured during their craft corner.
A melapples painting, a Phil Trash #1 trophy for Dan, a doll made to look like Dil (You get it guys? A Dil Doll? Get it? Eh?)
I've been skipping all over the place. Obviously none of these segments are in show order. Whatever, sue me.
For our fan fiction segment, we got the obvious Brokeback Mountain choices of Cowboys, camping, draw like french girl. It was cute. Phil tossing the tent in the air was another one of the moments akin to the magic show. Phil with a cheeky "I'm loving this" smile.
I absolutely adored Future Dan and Phil, btw. They looked so freaking cute with their white hair and overcoats stumbling around. I would watch an entire video of just that. Phil died and Dan drug his corpse across the stage by his foot and I thought to myself "Even in death, Dan won't let Phil go that easily."
We finally got the the song and dance moment and I was pleased to see the gold coats.
By this point despite Phil still being a calm collected cucumber, Dan was a sweaty mess and Hobbit Hair was full-on out to play. Swoon.
The internet is here, the internet is good...
I had this song stuck in my head for the next several hours.
You little turds are so cute. My heart swelled watching you kick around the stage with your top hats and your glowing smiles.
And with that, it was over.
...
...
...
.
.
.
JAY KAY, YA'LL, WE GOT A DOUBLE ENDING!
As the last remnants of confetti trickled through the air, an ominous commanding voice reminded us to stay in our seats, as they'd be resetting and filming "bonus material" soon.
After the ever-so-lovely and efficient stage crew swept up bits of sparkle off the floor and equipment, the boys jumped back out of the microwave and explained to us that they were hoping for options so for the fan-fiction segment they were going to redo the scene on this time around when they gave us options, they wanted us to cheer louder for the choices we'd not picked before.
Because children are ridiculous, when the choices were presented to us, the crowd still seemed to cheer louder for the original options, causing a hint of an eye twitch from Dan as he cheerfully announced "Weeh-heh-heeelll it looks like they choose...pirates, in space, eating cake!"
Let's be real, guys. They wouldn't have given us options that were boring and not dripping with Grade A pander. Broaden your horizons! These other options were so so great. Better than the overly-popular homosexual farm hands.
Dan looked so uncomfortable in his eye patch and Phil put his parrot on backwards causing it to eventually swing off his arm and thump onto the ground.
It was obvious to me that due to the fact that these were rarely picked options, as their performance of them was not as perfected and robotic as the rest of the show and this was one of the few times you could see them crack and just have fun with it.
During the space scene, a joke was made that suggested "We are the only two people left alive. What will we do now?"
*pause for screaming*
At this point, we both involuntarily threw our hands in the air and exclaimed "OH COME ON."
The girls next to us pointed at us and said "omg you had an actual cringe attack!!!"
As mentioned in the other review, there was most certainly a "Dan wants to get probed by the alien" joke from Phil.
Oh, Captain Lester.
You guyyysss. You guys missed out so much by not choosing the eating cake option.
Phil grabbed a "slice" of cake as a 1 year old during a birthday party would, fingers tightly bent into a clutch of crumbs and frosting, and mashed it into Dans face as newlyweds would during the wedding party. Twice this happened.
Chocolate smeared along both sides of Dans mouth, and he honestly did start to look as uncomfortable as his script claimed he was.
The voiceover commanded Phil to lovingly wipe the crumbs away from Dan's mouth, the entire crowd basically slid off their seats and onto the floor, and that mischievous smirk reappeared on Phil's face.
As the scene came to an end, Dan started to giggle and deliver his final lines while wiping the sides of his open mouth with an extended and suggestive thumb and remarked that he was glad more people didn't choose that option.
And with that, they said their thank yous and goodbyes. They smiled, they waved, we cheered, we swooned.
And they returned to the microwave from whence they came.