Dan's Gay Crushes ULTIMATE TIER LIST (1 Aug 2022)

[kavat]

I was searching for a quote that ended up being in this video and I thought I might as well time stamp it so it’s searchable for the future!

0.00 Intro about how sharing his crushes as young felt shameful, so here he is now making it up for himself
1.10 Aladdin. He wanted to be Jasmine on the magic carpet. He would steal bread for you. A tier.
1.50 Tigger. Thanks to all that Winnie the Pooh he watched as a kid.
2.08 Someone in the audience shouts out ”furry”. Tigger gets a B for bouncy.
2.32 Crash Bandicoot. He’s really trying to justify this one not being an animal, but he’s a straight up animal in shoes.
3.00 ”Bipedal, that’s it! If it can stand on two legs, you can fuck it, that’s the rule” let’s not think too much about that one. B for bandicoot.
3.15 Knight in shining armor. A jouster from a ren faire he went to as a kid. This story is just very sweet. C tier.
4.03 Bradley from S Club. He can swing, dance, sing, act. B tier.
4.30 Professor Snape, but the young angsty version. It would be a very toxic relationship. D tier.
5.15 Ewan Mcgregor & Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge, such a theatre kid movie. C for Christian, Satine gets C for consumption.
5.53 Tidus from Final fantasy X. A sports star from another dimension. He’s hot but would bully him. B for blitzball.
6.23 Lulu, another character from FFX. Big titty goth girlfriend. A strong S.
7.00 Kimari, yet another FF character. He plays a snippet, ”fuck yeah”. A for furry awakening.
7.38 Troy Bolton, he gets massive cheers from the audience. Specifically HSM2. ”The gay test is if your favorite High School Musical is 1 you’re straight, if you say 2, gay”. D tier.
8.22 The first boy in school he ever had a crush on. He thought he was in love. He ghosted Dan for three years, and it turned out he was also gay the whole time but just thought Dan was cringe. Very sad story. D tier.
9.15 Keanu Reeves. S tier
9.37 Gerard Way. Huge cheer. He gets an A because he’s kinda short.
10.14 Charlieissocoollike. (this video was posted before she came out as trans, so Dan uses he/him pronouns). She gets a C because they are both so reclusive they would just fade out of existence.
11.00 Evan Peters. He goes through all his characters on American Horror Story. The audience suggest S ”a beautiful eruption of parseltongue from the audience tonight. JK Rowling would be so offended to see what her fans have done with the place” but he also lands on S.
11.36 Zabivaka, the 2018 football world cup mascot. Furry propaganda at its finest. B for balls.
12.26 Manny Jacinto, an actor from The Good Place. He’s so perfect it makes you feel like a slug. A tier.
12.56 The red M&M. He finds the arrogance hot. Might have voted for Trump. F tier.
13.40 Astrazeneca logo. He sees something in that logo like it was a rorschach test. A tier.
14.06 The ”would you fuck your clone” category.
14.26 The holy trio: Anthony Padilla, Liam Payne and Wilbur Soot (who I think is cancelled now?)
14.35 Anthony is in the building, he was in town for a tattoo appointment if I remember correctly. ”Anthony is basically the genetically superior version of me” … ”What did we do the last time we hung out? We ate burritos and got high, do you remember? It wasn’t gay.” He gets an A for ally and takes a bow.
15.35 Liam Payne. The audience boos. D tier.
16.04 Wilbur Soot. B for block.
16.36 Mr Pringle. ”I would explore his tube and there is nothing you can do about it”. S tier.
17.15 He storms off stage, We’re all doomed promo end card.