I'm not in a good mood so I'm so sorry for my negativity. I just have a lot of feelings that I can't even articulate and most of them are negative. Weirdly enough, I liked PINOF 9 more than 10 so for that to be the last PINOF for me... kinda felt... off. Though subsequent rewatchings did raise it up to be in my top 4 PINOFs... but still. I feel like if people knew ahead of time that it was gonna be the last one, we would have been more creative, and we would have made it go off with more bang than it did. So I'm disappointed that we were told that it was gonna be the last after the fact already.
My feelings are very mixed and I think
knq's earlier post along the lines of "As a fellow human being, I'm happy that they are doing what they want, but as a fan, I"m sad if if what they need is to stop sharing their lives with and making content for the internet" (sorry. I'm too lazy rn to properly look for and quote it.
) perfectly reflects how I feel. Like if I take a step back from being a fan, I feel happy and positive for their future, but as a fan that's heavily invested in their lives, their changes are scary, and it's affecting me personally; something I still find exasperating because no matter how hard I tell myself to stop being so invested, I truly can't stop.
There's this fic that I constantly reread called "When There's No Storm" by iihappydaysii that has the line "But what's the point of a storm shelter if there's no storm", and that fic in a way, made me realize that my fandoms are my storm shelters. I guess my real life is also very stormy rn, as at 26, it's my very first time outside the academe, and my life hinges at the results of the licensure exam which won't come out til May of next year, which I think I failed, so I was very much hoping and relying on my fandoms to be my constants. Unfortunately, even my Kpop fandoms are gonna be a mess (with my ultimate bias enlisting next year, and my other groups also enlisting one by one.. aurgh at being a fan of mostly 2nd gen groups.
), so I was very much hoping that Dip & Pip could be that storm shelter. But I guess they won't be, and I'll need to take a step back from them and the Phandom again so that I won't be personally that affected by the big changes in their lives. It's all on me and how I feel. And they have no obligation whatsoever to align their lives with my wishes. I know that. But I just can't help what I feel rn. And I know it's purely on me due to my own messed up way of making them my coping mechanism. I am not blaming them at all. I'm just sad and upset for reasons that are purely selfish that hopefully will soften and fade over time. Plus the last break I had from them, i was still watching their videos, intermittently reading the discussions here, and minimally interacting with the members of the Phandom whose Twitters I follow, so it's not really a total break and non-supportive cut-off from them. Sorry for this word vomit. I just wanted somewhere to fully explain how I felt about the announcements.
I'm sorry for the negativity of this post. Hopefully, when I come back, it'll be with a more positive attitude and full excitement for where their plans are taking them.