Dan & Phil Part 100: full-time internet homowners

[Megancita75]

Seems like some people are getting their copies in the mail already and it might be on shelves at some bookstores. The logistical part of my brain wants to understand more now about release dates and pre-order shipping schedules (a cursory google search shows that it's not uncommon for pre-ordered books to arrive a few days ahead of schedule), but the other part of my brain is Not Ready.

[Phantasy]

i’m baring all of my soul in this book with the wish that you might not have to endure the same struggles i have

somehow i still feel scared talking about how i really feel or my sexuality (which i imagine will be a much longer journey) ..being open and vulnerable doesn’t come naturally to me but with this at least some good can come out of what i have been through

in one week this story will no longer be mine - it will be out into the world and yours. i hope it helps.

May 18th - thisnightbook.com #ThisNight

Not a judgement or critique, but assuming this introduction chapter sets up the rest of the book, I’m curious if he’s going to gloss over his relationship to Phil (aka, friend and partner-in-crime) in so much as it relates to mental health and sexuality. I know it’s not a memoir (he says as much), but it would seem like a strange omission to not address the interconnectivity of some of these topics in light of his decade long domestic partnership. How does mental health impact those closest to you and what kind of wires needed to untangle to reconcile your long term gay relationship with internalized homophobia and sexuality denial and avoidance?

[Levitating]

in one week this story will no longer be mine - it will be out into the world and yours.

This sound so ominous

How does mental health impact those closest to you and what kind of wires needed to untangle to reconcile your long term gay relationship with internalized homophobia and sexuality denial and avoidance?

I think the book does not and cannot address the "why"'s of depression (everyone has a different story behind it). It goes straight to the "how" (to cope, to handle, to learn to live with it).


When he mentions all of his struggles, I wonder if there a need to address his gender identity too and how she feels comfortable w both pronouns. Like, there was nothing explicitly saying anything about it, but it seems also that there is a level of... fear, in gender-related topics? And I wonder if we can do anything to ease his mind on it?

Anyhow, this publication and exposition of his life must feel so scary. I totally understand. Poor Dan! Hoep the book does well. There are a lot of similar books around, but I just hope (because we need it) this one is the one that sparks further and wider conversations around mental health in the UK

[Megancita75]

Oh, also, can we keep this forum a spoiler-free zone until the 18th, other than officially released teasers, or is that too big/difficult an ask?

[shan]

Oh, also, can we keep this forum a spoiler-free zone until the 18th, other than officially released teasers, or is that too big/difficult an ask?

This (except maybe for a week after release?) and maybe another thread for talking about the book with spoilers for those who finish it and/or don’t mind?

Btw, do you happen to know where the people who got it early had preordered it from?

[inanerat]

Oh, also, can we keep this forum a spoiler-free zone until the 18th, other than officially released teasers, or is that too big/difficult an ask?

This (except maybe for a week after release?) and maybe another thread for talking about the book with spoilers for those who finish it and/or don’t mind?

Btw, do you happen to know where the people who got it early had preordered it from?

There have been a few bookstores that have put it out a week early it seems, and a few people have gotten copies, like Truth Bombs.

In terms of spoilers, there's spoiler tags on idb!! Use 'em!

[shan]

Oh, also, can we keep this forum a spoiler-free zone until the 18th, other than officially released teasers, or is that too big/difficult an ask?

This (except maybe for a week after release?) and maybe another thread for talking about the book with spoilers for those who finish it and/or don’t mind?

Btw, do you happen to know where the people who got it early had preordered it from?

There have been a few bookstores that have put it out a week early it seems, and a few people have gotten copies, like Truth Bombs.

In terms of spoilers, there's spoiler tags on idb!! Use 'em!

I’d better start actually checking the mailbox then!

And for sure about the spoiler tags, there just seems to be a decent number of people who have no interest in the book so I was more so thinking it might be a good idea to have a seperate place for book-related discussions.

[rizzo]

An anecdote from my day that you can do with as you see fit: Today, I walked into my local B&N, asked for "You Will Get Through This Night", they found it for me, and I bought it.

So, ya know.... Reach for the stars?

[shan]

An anecdote from my day that you can do with as you see fit: Today, I walked into my local B&N, asked for "You Will Get Through This Night", they found it for me, and I bought it.

So, ya know.... Reach for the stars?

So lucky! My fomo is kicking in and I’m tempted to check if my local bookstore has it yet too. I really don’t need two copies though...

Edit: nope, did some calling and Australian bookstores don’t seem to be even receiving their stock till next week. Spoiler googles it’ll have to be!

[kavat]

So in the coming weeks Dan releases a book, probably moves into the home he built with his life partner, and turns 30. I'm overwhelmed by all of these milestones on his behalf!

[lefthandedism]

Moderator Note

Dan's book You Will Get Through This Night will be out next week, and there is already much discussion as well concern about spoilers. Here are the guidelines for posting about the book on IDB.

Discussion
Most of the discussion will occur on the main thread, as with any other topic relating to Dan and Phil. Any member is free to create a side thread about the book (or any other topic), but book discussion will not be excluded from the main thread.

Spoilers
Before midnight BST on Tuesday, May 18, please use spoiler tags to hide anything you wish to say about the book that is not yet publicly available. Look for the “Spoiler” button when you compose a post; if you forget or have trouble, a mod will add the tags. Anyone can report their own or someone else's post (look for the “!” button) to alert the mods.

After midnight BST on May 18, spoiler tags will be at the poster's discretion and will not be enforced by the mods.

As always, please contact any mod with questions or concerns.

[alittledizzy]

I'm seeing so many varied reactions (mostly on twitter) to the book leaking early - a lot of outrage on behalf of Dan and Phil, and anger at bookstores. I don't know if this is just based on my time in a fandom that also had a published author (Glee) but I always remember people randomly getting Chris Colfer's books a few days or a week early, just because bookstore employees aren't always keeping up with what's supposed to be a big dramatic launch unless it's an "event" for the store (Harry Potter back in the day, for example). My roommate and my brother's girlfriend both worked for B&N for a while and I have confirmed with them - most of the time employees see books in, they put them in the shelf. ​

I also don't see any moral qualms about grabbing it early if it's available. I mean, unless you're sneaking into the store room to swipe it... I think if the store is selling it then it's fair game to pick up. It'll also just help Dan when it comes to best seller numbers on the actual launch day.

The only real complication is for fandom, for people who don't want to have the vibes of it ruined by others reactions - which I get. Sometimes just the emotional tone of someone's reaction can color your opinion of something as you go into reading it, and I think with a book like this that is intended to help, if you genuinely want to be giving it the best chance you can then having seen other people scoff at the advice can probably be a frustration. Twitter and tumblr seem to have already slightly abandoned spoiler tags, but like the mod post said, on here we'll definitely be trying to stick everything we can under a spoiler. Only six more days!

[madzilla84]

Yeah, it's not really surprising - no one's doing anything wrong, it happens a lot with books / games; retailers send early either by mistake or to ensure pre-order release dates are met ... you're right though, it is kind of a buzzkill in terms of the fandom vibe; by the time some peoples' arrive a lot of others will have finished and be a week into discussions/excitement, and it does kind of suck to not be able to join in with anything until then, and join in so late, but it is what it is. I don't love that I have to mostly avoid the phandom for a whole week (unless Phil does something), but what can you do.

[alittledizzy]

Two Three more things!

First... only a couple days left to fill out the Dan and Phil Survey! This will be a really fascinating one to see the results for, given how much phandom has changed in the past year and a half. You can click here to take it!

Second, an update from IRL:

And third... new Dan interview!

[Rampurewal123456]

Will Dan and phil get a dog ?

[noodlebum]

Two Three more things!

First... only a couple days left to fill out the Dan and Phil Survey! This will be a really fascinating one to see the results for, given how much phandom has changed in the past year and a half. You can click here to take it!

Second, an update from IRL:

And third... new Dan interview!

Was a big not-answer for the last question regarding what's coming up next for Dan, I noticed

[glitterintheair]

"activist for mental health and LGBT+ issues", uh Amazon I think you spelt "advocate" wrong, there.

Also those interviews are all the same, like, he says the same (kinda basic) things in every one he has done so far, I wish we could learn something new.

[Megancita75]

I imagine a lot of the marketing/promo stuff is going to be repetitive for us and probably for Dan. That seems par for the course to me though; I'm thinking of a book I read last year (also about mental health) that I liked a lot, so I sought out several radio and print interviews and longer podcast interviews with the author, and she definitely had talking points that she repeated and also people just asked similar questions of her, so after a while, I didn't feel like I needed to keep up with all her appearances or interviews because it did tread a lot of the same ground. It is nice to see this ramp up in activity from Dan, though, and while I've read some spoilers I'm gonna try and stay away from most of it until I get my copy of the book. So far, though, it seems to be about what I expected (very mild spoilers under the tag):

general information about science-backed psychology techniques, personal anecdotes, and a pretty firm boundary about certain parts of his story (i.e., Phil). I've read some really positive responses from people who got it early, so that make me happy to hear and more relaxed about reading it.

[rizzo]

I "read" through the book really speedily last night (flipping for the good shit, ya know?) and then started it properly. Got through "This Night" before falling asleep. So, here are some immediate, but probably incomplete, thoughts:

What's really noticeable to me - though I should have expected it - is just how much this book is a resource and absolutely not a memoir in any capacity. This isn't a criticism. I find the book EXCEPTIONALLY resourceful and in my experience reading "personal growth" books, this is certainly one of the better ones in terms of how concise it is with its advice. It's very well-organized, easy to digest, and super helpful. No matter what stage of a crisis you're in or what you're potentially struggling with, there's a section for it. Food a struggle? Read the pages on food. Having an anxiety attack? Flip to that part. It's great! It's also pretty basic, but I think that's the point and I think that's wonderful tbh.

But yeah. I think Dan exaggerated how much of himself he put into this book. Maybe it's because I'm a stan (and a ~Dannie~ at that), but like... I knew 50% of the anecdotes he offered up from his own life. And all-in-all the parts about himself maybe covered 10% of this book? (I'm estimating here. If I have to correct myself, I'll do so after I finish my more thorough read-through.) I could see how, in writing and re-writing and editing and deleting, it could feel like he talked about himself a lot. And the intro is all about him and why he's written this book, but... beyond that... this book is just a reference book.

That's not a complaint. Frankly, I don't even think I'm disappointed by it. But I am surprised? Like I really thought I'd learn more about Dan than I did.

TBH, it's kinda reminiscent of how he talked up just how much promo he'd do for this book and like.... 6 days out I'm still waiting.

[glitterintheair]

I think Dan exaggerated how much of himself he put into this book. Maybe it's because I'm a stan (and a ~Dannie~ at that), but like... I knew 50% of the anecdotes he offered up from his own life. And all-in-all the parts about himself maybe covered 10% of this book? (I'm estimating here. If I have to correct myself, I'll do so after I finish my more thorough read-through.) I could see how, in writing and re-writing and editing and deleting, it could feel like he talked about himself a lot. And the intro is all about him and why he's written this book, but... beyond that... this book is just a reference book.

That's not a complaint. Frankly, I don't even think I'm disappointed by it. But I am surprised? Like I really thought I'd learn more about Dan than I did.

TBH, it's kinda reminiscent of how he talked up just how much promo he'd do for this book and like.... 6 days out I'm still waiting.

I've seen quite a few people who read the book having the same thoughts as you. Count me as surprised too because he said things like "the book will have some juicy tea about me" and even in the instagram post he made yesterday he talked about baring his soul in it. Probably it was mostly a marketing tactic to make the book more appealing, especially to his established fanbase. It's a shame though, because there's so much about Dan that I'd like to know (to reference the ig post again, when he talked about struggling with vulnerability and being open, I was like "yes! Tell me more about that!").

[alittledizzy]

[rizzo]

I think Dan exaggerated how much of himself he put into this book. Maybe it's because I'm a stan (and a ~Dannie~ at that), but like... I knew 50% of the anecdotes he offered up from his own life. And all-in-all the parts about himself maybe covered 10% of this book? (I'm estimating here. If I have to correct myself, I'll do so after I finish my more thorough read-through.) I could see how, in writing and re-writing and editing and deleting, it could feel like he talked about himself a lot. And the intro is all about him and why he's written this book, but... beyond that... this book is just a reference book.

That's not a complaint. Frankly, I don't even think I'm disappointed by it. But I am surprised? Like I really thought I'd learn more about Dan than I did.

TBH, it's kinda reminiscent of how he talked up just how much promo he'd do for this book and like.... 6 days out I'm still waiting.

I've seen quite a few people who read the book having the same thoughts as you. Count me as surprised too because he said things like "the book will have some juicy tea about me" and even in the instagram post he made yesterday he talked about baring his soul in it. Probably it was mostly a marketing tactic to make the book more appealing, especially to his established fanbase. It's a shame though, because there's so much about Dan that I'd like to know (to reference the ig post again, when he talked about struggling with vulnerability and being open, I was like "yes! Tell me more about that!").

I guess the intro to the book really is "soul-baring"...... to someone who's picking up the book having never known of/about Dan. And certainly there are bits and pieces (extra spoilery ahead) about his Dad being a closed-off "manly man", vague suggestions about his parents arguing, about Manila being a tough situation during the tour.... But it's not Net New. He's been this vulnerable before. And even if he hasn't (re: his Dad)... the piece is still pretty closed off. It was a fanciful paragraph about how his Dad and grandpa have a stiff upper lip and he's learning to be more emotional. So idk. The book is very.... Dan as we, as fans, know Dan.

[Catallena]

[noodlebum]

Phil

[fruitcriminals]

A big thanks to Phil for giving us the peak married banter we needed lol