Intro Banter
D: To repeat what Phil has been saying for the past two days - Amsterdamn
P: I was told to stop using that pun.
D: Have you stopped saying that?
P: No.
D: We're very excited to be here. I mean, Phil, not just because he's excited to see you but he's consumed a lot of sugar today.
P: I have! I indulged a stroopwafel earlier.
D: You had two and a half.
P: Hey! I had to make sure I was getting the-
D: You know they come in packs of like, a lot? That's like - to keep in your cupboard, one serving ten stroopwafel, okay. [??] coma.
P: I can totally eat three in like, a burger.
D: Sandwich.
P: We also did something rare, we actually went outside in Amsterdam!
D: I know. Very scary. Made scarier by the fact that jesus christ the cyclists are out to kill you.
P: So many bikes!
D: The first time Phil had to cross a road, it was like come on just three two one don't walk into it, and Phil was like see that old lady cycling? She is gonna kill me.
P: She was! It's like playing a video game, I was like nope. Ughh.
D: [screams in a mocking way] It was funny. It was cool but violent and terrifying.
P: So I almost killed about seven of your citizens so I'm very sorry about that.
D: But no one died and neither did Phil and here we are!
P: I was told to stop using that pun.
D: Have you stopped saying that?
P: No.
D: We're very excited to be here. I mean, Phil, not just because he's excited to see you but he's consumed a lot of sugar today.
P: I have! I indulged a stroopwafel earlier.
D: You had two and a half.
P: Hey! I had to make sure I was getting the-
D: You know they come in packs of like, a lot? That's like - to keep in your cupboard, one serving ten stroopwafel, okay. [??] coma.
P: I can totally eat three in like, a burger.
D: Sandwich.
P: We also did something rare, we actually went outside in Amsterdam!
D: I know. Very scary. Made scarier by the fact that jesus christ the cyclists are out to kill you.
P: So many bikes!
D: The first time Phil had to cross a road, it was like come on just three two one don't walk into it, and Phil was like see that old lady cycling? She is gonna kill me.
P: She was! It's like playing a video game, I was like nope. Ughh.
D: [screams in a mocking way] It was funny. It was cool but violent and terrifying.
P: So I almost killed about seven of your citizens so I'm very sorry about that.
D: But no one died and neither did Phil and here we are!
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
- [dead houseplant something idk i heard the loki joke and lost the will to even type this out]
- accidentally murdering Dan
D: Accidental murder, is that a thing?
P: I am quite clumsy.
D: You are. You'd be walking along with a spoon and decapitate me, it could happen.
P: A spoon?! Well I was just [??] falls off the office chair every five minutes.
D: Yeah okay well perhaps I'll accidentally die filming a gaming video, or murder, sure, what's more likely.
- sports lmao
[banter about Phil not doing sports]
P: I could totally do a sport!
D: [sarcastic] Fine.
P: I could jump over this hexagon in one jump.
D: Okay, he just said that.
P: I would [something else about jumping]
D: This is not for health and safety, we are not insured-
P: Watch out, Olympics. Philly's in the house.
D: Shook. I feel like we came very close to seeing the live death of AmazingPhil. But you did it, congratulations!
Phil's chosen answer: houseplants
Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?
- fursuits for sale
D: Five minutes and furry joke, thank you.
- where is my buddy, i'm in london
D: Let me live! Please! I have so many traumas that you won't let me escape.
P: One day it won't be a joke and you'll be in the same place.
- shrek fanfic
P: What kind of fanfic is what I want to know.
D: I write it myself. Do you follow layers23 on wattpad? That's me. I'm like, it was a sleepy day in the swamp....
P: No!
D: [shrek voice] Donkey, can you come over here and scrub under me folds?
P: No folds!
Dan's chosen answer: shrek fanfic
Joint Dan and Phil question: how will they die?
- demonetization
P: Miriam! Too real! Especially with Dan's swearing.
D: There's a gaming video next week and we've had to bleep it, because otherwise oh my gosh - it wouldn't even get uploaded.
P: I think there's like nintey seven 'effs'-
D: It was very traumatizing, so look forward to that.
- Dan screaming and their heads will explode
D: Exactly. Does anyone here even have ears that work anymore after watching danandphilgames?
P: I still have ringing in this ear from you.
- falling off the stage in the next five minutes
D: Well we saw that, that nearly happened.
P: It is quite up high.
D: You're in the splash zone. You better be ready to catch him, because this could be it. Don't worry if you were underwhelmed by Phil successfully jumping over the hexagon, there's plenty of time for us to die. Look at how many obstacles there are.
Their chosen answer: demonetization
- [dead houseplant something idk i heard the loki joke and lost the will to even type this out]
- accidentally murdering Dan
D: Accidental murder, is that a thing?
P: I am quite clumsy.
D: You are. You'd be walking along with a spoon and decapitate me, it could happen.
P: A spoon?! Well I was just [??] falls off the office chair every five minutes.
D: Yeah okay well perhaps I'll accidentally die filming a gaming video, or murder, sure, what's more likely.
- sports lmao
[banter about Phil not doing sports]
P: I could totally do a sport!
D: [sarcastic] Fine.
P: I could jump over this hexagon in one jump.
D: Okay, he just said that.
P: I would [something else about jumping]
D: This is not for health and safety, we are not insured-
P: Watch out, Olympics. Philly's in the house.
D: Shook. I feel like we came very close to seeing the live death of AmazingPhil. But you did it, congratulations!
Phil's chosen answer: houseplants
Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?
- fursuits for sale
D: Five minutes and furry joke, thank you.
- where is my buddy, i'm in london
D: Let me live! Please! I have so many traumas that you won't let me escape.
P: One day it won't be a joke and you'll be in the same place.
- shrek fanfic
P: What kind of fanfic is what I want to know.
D: I write it myself. Do you follow layers23 on wattpad? That's me. I'm like, it was a sleepy day in the swamp....
P: No!
D: [shrek voice] Donkey, can you come over here and scrub under me folds?
P: No folds!
Dan's chosen answer: shrek fanfic
Joint Dan and Phil question: how will they die?
- demonetization
P: Miriam! Too real! Especially with Dan's swearing.
D: There's a gaming video next week and we've had to bleep it, because otherwise oh my gosh - it wouldn't even get uploaded.
P: I think there's like nintey seven 'effs'-
D: It was very traumatizing, so look forward to that.
- Dan screaming and their heads will explode
D: Exactly. Does anyone here even have ears that work anymore after watching danandphilgames?
P: I still have ringing in this ear from you.
- falling off the stage in the next five minutes
D: Well we saw that, that nearly happened.
P: It is quite up high.
D: You're in the splash zone. You better be ready to catch him, because this could be it. Don't worry if you were underwhelmed by Phil successfully jumping over the hexagon, there's plenty of time for us to die. Look at how many obstacles there are.
Their chosen answer: demonetization
- cereal (D: Dan's cereal. DAN'S cereal. Phil no touch.)
- panda
- fursuit
- panda
- fursuit
Phil!
Dan - fanfic (inspires you to put down the phone; hamster fic mention)
Phil - cute animals (what if you woke up with a horse in your bed)
Dan - hello, internet (you need things in life to show you how far you've come)
Phil - infinite kittens (drown in them)
Dan - the apocalypse (being alive is hard sometimes, humans are plague upon the universe)
Phil - strong wifi (govt can see what you're doing even faster)
Phil - cute animals (what if you woke up with a horse in your bed)
Dan - hello, internet (you need things in life to show you how far you've come)
Phil - infinite kittens (drown in them)
Dan - the apocalypse (being alive is hard sometimes, humans are plague upon the universe)
Phil - strong wifi (govt can see what you're doing even faster)
Psychic Connections round - word: numbers
P: 17
D: 12
Level Two: Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: Name three of Phil's pre-2008 videos
D: Okay, who here thinks they could do that? Thank you so much for uploading that video you uploaded yesterday.
P: Oh no! That's gonna be easy!
D: I'm gonna say... Snokoplasm...
P: Yeah...
D: What's another one... well I know there's one called The Basket...
P: There is.
D: And... alligator vs raccoon.
P: Yes!
D: I did it. I know everything. Original Phil stalker, thank you. Come for me, I will fight you. No, I'm kidding.
Phil's question: What kind of cake did Colin eat?
D: As you may know, at Christmas with my family last year me and my mother spent hours making a cake and then our dog frickin ate it.
P: I don't know-
D: I mean this was very iconic, everyone knows this. Oh, come on. What kind of cake did my dog eat?
P: Lemon and ginger!
D: What? No! It was a vegan caramel and almond praline cake, you idiot.
Level Three: Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it right)
Final Round: Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Dan gets to be in Infinity War 4, but Phil gets thrown into a cheese pool
D: Okay that's exciting, get to mingle with Chris Evans.
P: No! I wouldn't like that at all!
D: That's like your literal nightmare, isn't it?
P: It is!
D: Drowning in a pool of cheese.
P: Don't throw me in a cheese pool.
D: You wouldn't necessarily die.
P: But I'd be sticky and sad.
D: You'd be sad and smell bad.
P: You'd ruin the Avengers.
D: Okay. You know what I say? Get in the pool, bitch. [gets buzzed] It was worth it! It was worth it.
P: Don't fade away.
Phil's dilemma: Phil gets one billion dollars (D: What a terrifying billionare Phil would be.) but dogs are now invisible to Dan.
D: I could never see dogs again.
P: But... it would be okay.
D: What the hell would you do with a billion dollars?
P: I'd strap two planes together and have a double plane.
D: What does that even mean?
P: Lets fine out.
D: You'd have to stop - Infinity Wars 4 would be about fricking stopping Phil.
P: I would build you a robotic dog and I would take the money.
D: [buzzes him]
P: 17
D: 12
Level Two: Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: Name three of Phil's pre-2008 videos
D: Okay, who here thinks they could do that? Thank you so much for uploading that video you uploaded yesterday.
P: Oh no! That's gonna be easy!
D: I'm gonna say... Snokoplasm...
P: Yeah...
D: What's another one... well I know there's one called The Basket...
P: There is.
D: And... alligator vs raccoon.
P: Yes!
D: I did it. I know everything. Original Phil stalker, thank you. Come for me, I will fight you. No, I'm kidding.
Phil's question: What kind of cake did Colin eat?
D: As you may know, at Christmas with my family last year me and my mother spent hours making a cake and then our dog frickin ate it.
P: I don't know-
D: I mean this was very iconic, everyone knows this. Oh, come on. What kind of cake did my dog eat?
P: Lemon and ginger!
D: What? No! It was a vegan caramel and almond praline cake, you idiot.
Level Three: Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it right)
Final Round: Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Dan gets to be in Infinity War 4, but Phil gets thrown into a cheese pool
D: Okay that's exciting, get to mingle with Chris Evans.
P: No! I wouldn't like that at all!
D: That's like your literal nightmare, isn't it?
P: It is!
D: Drowning in a pool of cheese.
P: Don't throw me in a cheese pool.
D: You wouldn't necessarily die.
P: But I'd be sticky and sad.
D: You'd be sad and smell bad.
P: You'd ruin the Avengers.
D: Okay. You know what I say? Get in the pool, bitch. [gets buzzed] It was worth it! It was worth it.
P: Don't fade away.
Phil's dilemma: Phil gets one billion dollars (D: What a terrifying billionare Phil would be.) but dogs are now invisible to Dan.
D: I could never see dogs again.
P: But... it would be okay.
D: What the hell would you do with a billion dollars?
P: I'd strap two planes together and have a double plane.
D: What does that even mean?
P: Lets fine out.
D: You'd have to stop - Infinity Wars 4 would be about fricking stopping Phil.
P: I would build you a robotic dog and I would take the money.
D: [buzzes him]
What should I name my new youtube channel about zoo animals?
D: That is the best idea - Phil has already subscribed.
P: I would totally subscribe to that. I think it's all about - my first advice would be it's a good thing you've got a theme for your youtube channel. You don't want to go into it like 'I'm just going to upload whatever and see what happens.' I would totally subscribe to a zoo animal channel.
D: You would. I mean, in life-
P: Zoo Animal Channel, that sounds pretty good.
D: Zoo Animal Channel. What kind of content would that be though? I feel like if it was Phil, if Phil in another timeline wasn't AmazingPhil he would just do hamster breeding tutorials. [starts to mock Phil's first video with the accent] Hello everyone, my name's Phil-
P: Dan! I see you know a lot about it.
D: She's feeling horny.
P: Dan!
D: [audience laughing over him]- twenty nine babies. [something about a timeline]
P: So my advice to you, I think first video go in with something good and exciting, don't just introduce everything you're gonna do on the channel-
D: Okay thank you Phil. When you start a youtube channel, don't do a big introduction video. [something I can't hear over audience laughing] Don't explain what you're gonna do and why, just do it, okay. Go straight in - be like here's a hamster, here's a hamster, bop.
P: Or here's my giant snake, lets [??].
D: [??] another animal. That ain't a channel. Start off with something strong, and you'll do fine.
P: I would totally subscribe to that. I think it's all about - my first advice would be it's a good thing you've got a theme for your youtube channel. You don't want to go into it like 'I'm just going to upload whatever and see what happens.' I would totally subscribe to a zoo animal channel.
D: You would. I mean, in life-
P: Zoo Animal Channel, that sounds pretty good.
D: Zoo Animal Channel. What kind of content would that be though? I feel like if it was Phil, if Phil in another timeline wasn't AmazingPhil he would just do hamster breeding tutorials. [starts to mock Phil's first video with the accent] Hello everyone, my name's Phil-
P: Dan! I see you know a lot about it.
D: She's feeling horny.
P: Dan!
D: [audience laughing over him]- twenty nine babies. [something about a timeline]
P: So my advice to you, I think first video go in with something good and exciting, don't just introduce everything you're gonna do on the channel-
D: Okay thank you Phil. When you start a youtube channel, don't do a big introduction video. [something I can't hear over audience laughing] Don't explain what you're gonna do and why, just do it, okay. Go straight in - be like here's a hamster, here's a hamster, bop.
P: Or here's my giant snake, lets [??].
D: [??] another animal. That ain't a channel. Start off with something strong, and you'll do fine.
D: It's like High School Musical, but with medicine.
P: Singing doctor.
D: Nobody wants that!
P: [singing] I'm cutting open, Time to open them up... [?? more singing]
D: [singing] I am very sorry [??] It's not a good idea, Phil.
P: Dan.
D: Nobody wants that.
P: Sincerely, I think you should really follow your dreams rather than doing everything your parents want you to do. I mean, if you totally don't want to be a doctor and that idea horrifies you five years down the line you're gonna end up not doing it anyway, because that's not what you want to do-
D: Not even five years down the line. Everyone thought, Dan, go to law school, how did that work out? Exactly. One year. One year was enough for me to go I'll pass, thank you very much. If you're not passionate about something you shouldn't do it, okay. And you should never have regrets, if you have a dream because you care about something or if you have a talent you want to share with the world, no matter what it is you have to try that first. Never go, oh I should do this because it's safe and maybe one day I'll live my dream. You have to go for it now.
P: Yes.
D: [audience clapping over him] Dan the lawyer is as good as singing doctor.
P: Singing doctor.
D: Nobody wants that!
P: [singing] I'm cutting open, Time to open them up... [?? more singing]
D: [singing] I am very sorry [??] It's not a good idea, Phil.
P: Dan.
D: Nobody wants that.
P: Sincerely, I think you should really follow your dreams rather than doing everything your parents want you to do. I mean, if you totally don't want to be a doctor and that idea horrifies you five years down the line you're gonna end up not doing it anyway, because that's not what you want to do-
D: Not even five years down the line. Everyone thought, Dan, go to law school, how did that work out? Exactly. One year. One year was enough for me to go I'll pass, thank you very much. If you're not passionate about something you shouldn't do it, okay. And you should never have regrets, if you have a dream because you care about something or if you have a talent you want to share with the world, no matter what it is you have to try that first. Never go, oh I should do this because it's safe and maybe one day I'll live my dream. You have to go for it now.
P: Yes.
D: [audience clapping over him] Dan the lawyer is as good as singing doctor.
D: Lets see. It was 2006. I went to youtube dot com. What name should I write, I said? dan is not on fire. I joke about that a lot, ugh cringe things in my past I regret, but we can't help everything that happens in our lives, and we can't always just look back and be like 'oh I wish that didn't happen' because everything that happened led you to where you are now. If I didn't call my youtube channel danisnotonfire and sell an axe to a five year old and drop out of law school, I wouldn't be here now! So embrace everything that's ever gone wrong in your life. Most of the time there's something to learn from it. Most of the time.
P: There you go. Embrace the past cringe.
P: There you go. Embrace the past cringe.