Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:31 pm

Toronto - 17 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: The land of money that smells like maple syrup.
D: Yes, that's [??]. Honestly, what's up with that though, because that's really weird.
P: Yeah. I was - I was really tempted to lick it until I realized it's been in like seventeen people's pockets before me.
D: That's how you get every disease at the same time. It's the land of money that smells like maple syrup and Drake, the only thing anyone cares about. You could say that I'm running through the six with my hoe. So we're having a... [??] Don't know what that's implying.
P: Sadly, we didn't get to go to a game this time, though.
D: No.
P: [singing] Lets go Blue Jays! I've seen one game, that's the only thing I remember.
D: If you're wondering why Phil is violently shaking this evening, more importantly, it's because we didn't go to a baseball game but we did go to a Tim Hortons.
P: We did!
D: I mean - it's appreciating your culture right there.
P: The true Canadian culture.
D: A double double, what the hell is that about?
P: I know!
D: Because when you add two sugars and two creams - it's very American, actually.
P: It was.
D: How do you feel right now?
P: I'm feeling very zazzed.
D: He's not messing about, people.
P: But I did like it. I'm a convert to Tim Hortons.
D: And maybe it'll come back up some time during the show. Could happen.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What does Phil dream about at night?
- being chased by cheese
P: Oh my gosh!
D: Literally just like a block of cheddar chasing him down the street.
P: My actual worst nightmare.
D: [mocking Phil] I'm lactose intolerant!
P: Leave me alone!
D: That would explain a lot, actually.
P: I think it would.

- the ultimate cereal heist
D: Yeah. Yeah!
P: Now we're talking.
D: Phil is a cereal klepto, okay. There isn't a Crunchy Nut bowl that he wouldn't snatch out from any of your faces.
P: You just need to get better at hiding it, Dan.
D: Yes. The problem is I don't hide my own cereal well enough. Right.
P: It is.

- being probed by an alien
D: Now is that a nightmare or a good dream?
P: I mean -
D: What are we saying here?
P: It-
D: Phil dreams about being probed.
P: I could get alien pregnant like Dil did.
D: That is the mpreg plot twist that nobody wanted from our lives.

Phil's chosen answer: the ultimate cereal heist

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?
- fursuits near me
D: There it is, thank you Ryan, been here for like five minutes - the first furry joke, wow.
P: Yeah.
D: I love that it's 'fursuits near me' as well. I need to find those craigslist fursuits, use.
P: [actually surprised laughing]

- all the whisks
D: Oh my god! No. If you know what that's referring to: NO. If you don't know what that's referring to: even bigger NO. Lets just please let me live.
P: Can we please let that go.

- sexy Shrek fanfic
P: What does that mean?
D: That is the worst sentence my eyes have ever seen right there.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: It was a steamy day in the swamp...
P: No!
D: Shrek came in wearng just a cloth. [Shrek voice] You wanna see my layers?
P: Dan! Oh my gosh.
D: Follow me on wattpad. I'm donkey1982.

Dan's chosen answer: fursuits near me

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?
- eau du antisocial
D: What does that smell of?
P: I don't know.
D: The smell of the crumbs that fall in your laptop and stale air.
P: Ughh.
D: Spray it on yourself.

- flowers and death
D: Oh my god. That's so appropriate.
P: Does that mean I'm the flowers?
D: And I'm the rotting corpse, yes. Okay.

- two sweaty rats
D: Okay. That's cute.
P: Oh my gosh!
D: Wow I love our supportive audience.
P: I thought we established that you were the rat.
D: Really? Okay.

Their chosen answer: two sweaty rats
What's in Dan's Box?
- dan's straighteners
- phil's pee glasses
- cereal that dan has confiscated from phil
Who's on the wheel? Dan

Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - anime (it's better than real life)
Phil - freshly baked cookies (what if it's a cookie full of knives)
Dan - granddad reading your wattpad (bridge the generational gap)
Phil - infinite tiny animals (what animals are they? tiny bees and you breathe them in and they sting your brain)
Dan - the earth exploding (humanity is the worst thing about earth)
Phil - fast wifi (fbi boosted it to watch you through your webcam)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: school supplies
P: scissors
D: pencil

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets a hundred million dollars [insert double plane joke] but Dan has to have square hair forever.
D: Okay. In case you didn't realize, in 2011 I did have officially the world's worst hair in the entire universe.
P: He did.
D: I was an actual square. Are you saying - would that haircut be with a hundred million dollars?
P: Would it?
D: I mean, it depends, Phil - if we're taking this seriously. Would you actually make a double plane or would you-
P: I would.
D: Really?
P: Are you gonna give me the money or not?
D: Okay based on this I cannot trust you, I would not give you the money.
P: Bad friend! [buzzes him]

Phil's dilemma: Dan is wrongly put in jail for five years, but to save him Phil has to eat your own hand.
P: What the hell?
D: Bella! What the hell is wrong with you, Bella!
P: That's like Saw. I'm not gonna eat my own hand!
D: Phil, would you like to play a game? Okay - is that your answer, I'm ready to go, mate.
P: I don't want to get zapped, but I don't want to eat my own hand.
D: Five years of my life.
P: It might be... good character development for you? You could make some youtube videos about it.
D: Yeah, that would be one banging anecdote. Storytime - I hate my life. Is that your choice, are you seriously saying-
P: Go to jail!
D: Bad Phil! [buzzes him]
P: Mother-- goose. Canadian goose.
Real Conversation Time

Do you guys think you could live in Canada?
D: Move to Toronto - it's the new 'come to Brazil.'
P: Canada's quite broad and I've only seen the little Toronto section of it.
D: Exactly.
P: But from what I've seen, I do really like it. It's got - [audience screams; reacting to something?] - I really think it's like, kind of a slightly less stressful London for some reason.
D: Yes! Because it's like, not weird because of the Americans, because you're Canada. I mean - what. It's fine. People say sorry, so I do. I walk into inanimate objects and apologize to them. It's quite beautiful as well, it has - it rains quite a lot but that reflects my personality so I think I could live here quite happily.
P: I think you would have a national Timbits shortage if I was here.
D: Yes. There would be none left.
P: There would be none left for anyone.
D: For anyone.
P: So unfortunately, we've got to return to England. [audience awws] Not yet! We're still here now.
D: Immediately. Zaps. [something about Thanos]
P: Dan!
D: [joke about not feeling good]
I have a crush on this guy in my class, but I'm a massive nerd who literally cosplays Doctor Who and [??]
D: Okay so you you're saying is you want to propose to your crush in a fez and you're wondering if he'll reject you, interesting.
P: But Oliver! If your crush doesn't like that, then he's not worth it!
D: Yes! The moment where everybody here just yeed at the same time, that showed that there is literally a weirdo out there for any of us. So if [??] like you because you cosplay Doctor Who, just go to Comic Con and rub your face against people.
P: Oh my gosh. Good advice. I think.
D: Almost.
P: Almost there.
Any advice for starting a youtube channel? I'm scared my grandma will be my only subscriber.
P: I mean, I think if you're scared of doing it but you really want to then you should definitely give it a go because you don't want to regret that, like not giving it a go in a few years.
D: Yeah definitely. Like, no one ever started youtube thinking it would be a success, they just did it because it sounded fun and then everything happened accidentally. [something about Dan and Phil sat there] Like if you were afraid ever that you want to pursue your dreams in any single way but you're afraid of failure, you can't do that because you'll just live the rest of your life regretting it because it's better to try and fail and know that you did it than to just go 'I never made it as the basketball playing singer that I always wanted to grow up to be' so you just go for it because you never know you might accidentally be Phil and live your dreams.
P: Yaaay!
Thanks to waveydnp and one person who prefers to go uncredited for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:47 pm

Hartford - 19 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: So first of all, we're so happy to be in Connecticut!
D: Yes! [??] We're so happy to be here. Or should I say - connect-ee-cut. That sneaky c.
P: Where did that sneaky little c come from?
D: Honestly. The amount of times we've typed it and autocorrect has been like... no.
P: Excuse me.
D: You're missing something. [pained noise] Okay we thought sneaky weird letters in things was a British thing.
P: Yeah.
D: Spell color or something - have a u! We just sneak those u's in. Connecticut.
P: We also learned it is the nutmeg state.
D: Yes. Nutmeg! Yeah. Okay. And we actually - the best thing is when we were driving in here we looked at the map and it was like, welcome to New Britain. New London. Manchester. Essex. [??]
P: [??] places.
D: It was like like literally, everything who hated life in England got on a boat and was like, I'm gonna make my own better England. [??] a hometown show, just with new better people.
P: It does!
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What is hidden in Phil's browsing history?
- how not to kill a houseplant

- x-rated slime videos
P: I don't even want to know what that is!
D: Like I try to imagine it and then as soon as I start imagining it I'm like - stop imagining it.
P: You know, I was impressed with how good my slime was.
D: Okay.
P: Yeah, if anyone wanted it in bulk for any strange videos, I could supply.
D: And we don't want to know what Phil did with it after the video, OKAY.

- kinky cheese [??]
D: [??] What the hell is a kinky cheese [??]
P: I am shocked to the core.
D: Really, Phil? [??]
P: Please stop.
D: [??]
P: Dan! Oh my gosh.

Phil's chosen answer: houseplants

Dan's question: What does Dan dream about at night?
- unspeakable things
D: Only - my good dreams and my bad dreams are both unspeakable things.

- Nick Jonas [??]
D: What is the opposite of too soon? Too late, guys. Let me free, please.
P: [??]
D: Please, Nick. I wish.

- he has too many regrets to sleep
D: That is what we call a big mood, ladies and gentleman. Only facts in this house, people. Wow. I feel very attacked, yet so understood.

Dan's chosen answer: Nick Jonas

Joint Dan and Phil question: What do they keep secret from each other?
- [?? something about fursonas]
D: Slothbear [??] dead cactus. What's your fursonas?
P: [??] plant.
D: Plantsona. Phil's got his own niche on deviant art.
P: I do. Just paint myself green.
D: And then you move to a [??] and have a great time.

- piles of dead succulents
D: It's so true!
P: It is. I've killed lots of Dan's plants-
D: I barely even keep mine alive. You know my terrariums that I had in the apartment, I was so proud of them and they're so brown.
P: They're dead.

- [??]
D: How did you know?
P: Who [??]
D: Do you have cameras down there?

Their chosen answer: [?? last answer]
What's in Dan's Box?
- phil's pee glasses
- dan's fursuit
- all his snatched wigs
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - wet socks (convenient bathroom cleaning, help dehydrated friends)
Phil - slow wifi (still wifi, so it's a good thing; secret agent in webcam)
Dan - stabbing your best friend (should be legal bc cereal stealing)
Phil - helping the elderly cross the road (what if she just robbed a bank)
Dan - getting crushed by the moon (worst thing about our universe is humanity)
Phil - billion dollars (someone could buy a billion bees and release them into the theater)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: amazingphil videos
P: phil is not on fire
D: phil is not on fire

P: Oh my gosh! I was almost gonna say What Dan and Phil Text Each other for the hashtag spon but then I was like, no - let's go with the original phil is not on fire, psychic!
D: Exactly. And Phil has been doing youtube for twelve thousand years because he's so old so there was a lot of videos to choose from there. Honestly.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it right)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is about to slip off the Grand Canyon, but to save him Dan has to drop his phone off the edge.
D: Right so, it's you about to drop off the canyon or I have to let go of my phone.
P: Dan, there's so much in your browsing history that you should probably throw it off the edge anyway.
D: Okay wow Phil. You know, [??] all my youtube video ideas so if I lost that I wouldn't upload for 27 years.
P: Are you really gonna let me fall off the Grand Canyon?
D: I mean is it like a high bit of canyon?
P: It's the Grand Canyon!
D: Is it the edge of the canyon?
P: It's a great big canyon!
D: Are we taking this completely-
P: Yes!
D: If we were taking this completely seriously, obviously I would save you, Phil. Really? Are any of you surprised?

Phil's dilemma: Dan is drowning in a vat of cheese but to save him, Phil has to eat through [??] liters of cheese.
P: I can't have cheese - that's like, a lot of liters.
D: Right, okay. Great observation, Phil.
P: Maths is my strong point.
D: You could pop an antihistimine and guzzle it down.
P: Oh my-
D: I'd literally drown, okay.
P: I think Dan likes cheese so much he'd just gulp it as he's drowning and eat the whole vat.
D: Are you serious?
P: I'm not eating all that cheese!
D: [zaps him]
Real Conversation Time

Are you guys hydrated and getting enough sleep? I worry about you!
D: Okay - I think we've established that you should be worrying about Phil for lots of reasons.
P: It's like touring with my mum in disguise.
D: Yes, that's it. They are our mothers - and our children at the same time.
P: Well, yes - I'm still getting used to the sleeping on the tour bus, so when it's moving I can't sleep because I feel like I'm gonna fall out of the bunk. Which I probably am going do.
D: Definitely. Which as long as you don't projectile vomit on me, I don't really care, so that's fine. Keep it contained to your own little [??].
P: I'm doing - contained to my rectum - I think I'm okay with travel sickness, actually. To the point where I can play Mario Kart on the bus now!
D: I mean, for our friendship, how is Mario Kart for the bus gonna effect things?
P: I mean, that's not great. It's like a 4D experience when you go around the corner, like whoaaa.
D: Phil is a very violent and competitive man. You haven't seen it. So I'm staying hydrated, but he could kill me.
P: There we go. Totally hydrated.
D: [??]
Phil's new video was a lol. I liked the tiny hotel room window. Have you had any other hotel stories?
D: Oh my god, okay, yeah. There've been some - eventful moments.
P: There was the poo room.
D: We already told them about-
P: It smelt SO bad!
D: Walked into a hotel room, where was it, Nottingham maybe?
P: It was in England.
D: Clearly something had gone horribly wrong with the hotel sewage because it sounded- sounded?
P: Sounded? The smell went into your ears.
D: It sounded normal. Oh my god, if I heard what I smelt it would be even worse. I asked to move because I was like, no human can inhabit this space.
P: It looked like twenty air refresheners every-
D: You know those air fresherners you plug into the wall? They had four of those in the room. And I walked in and I was like, this room stinks of this artifical smell, and then I went into the bathroom and I was like [gagging noise]. And then I asked to move and then everyone - I was like, traumatized and I was like [fake crying] can you carry my bags, this is too much - there was Phil and like three other people with us. Opened the door to my new hotel room and there was a frickin' massive spider on the bed.
P: It was! Sat on the pillow.
D: Traumatized from room one, walk into room two just wanting a good nice sleep and there was this thing that was just like, what up, on the bed.
P: It had just one leg in the air.
D: Yeah it was challenging me. It was flashing me, okay. So that was that.
P: We also had one where there was a big rowdy group of women who were just about to go on a night out.
D: Yeah-
P: [?? something about wild]
D: It was the bridesmaids going out on their night together and they had consumed a lot of beverages.
P: They all started piling out of the room while the lift door was opening, the elevator, and then our elevator broke.
D: It was stuck.
P: We were stuck with them.
D: So an entire group of drunk women was coming down the stairs and we were just stood in the lift like, hi. How are you doing.
P: And they were like-
D: [impersonating women] Y'alright, lads? How are you doing today? You two look like you're up for some fun.
P: I was like, help me!
D: You want us to come with you - close the door, close the door, close the door. So - that and the spider, thought I was gonna die.
I'm starting college in the fall and I'm terrified of being the lame one.
P: Tara, you should never be afraid of being yourself, because I think if you change yourself to try and impress other people that is never going to end well.
D: Exactly. You be your lame self [??] I think you're underestimating how many massive nerds there are out there in the world. I mean, if our communal yee moment [??] there is literally a weirdo out there for anybody. So don't worry. You move to this college and you join the meme society and make all new best friends.
Thanks to Ren for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by rizzo » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:07 pm

Providence - 20 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: So we are here in Providence. I hope we provide you with a good time tonight.
D: Really?... That’s awful. But yeah, here we are in Rhode Island. Officially the smallest state. It’s small, but it’s also smol. Like Phil, Phil is very smol, but not physically. Physically he’s very tol.
P: Speaking of tol… [segue to the giant Is]
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if YouTube didn’t exist?
D: Implying Phil would have any employable skills.

- Starbucks barista that can’t spell
D: Hi, my name is Phil. I have a thing for Baul? Is this your latte?
P: I would probably drink everyone’s lattes before they even get it.
D: Why are there lip marks? And you’ve spelt “Steve” as “Claire”.

- A Terrible Weatherman
P: That was my childhood dream.
D: It was literally your childhood dream. To be fair, you have trouble telling left and right. Where is the tornado coming from? “Over there!” Everyone dies.

- His Parents’ House Cleaner
D: Just one of those stay-at-home sons [...]. Although, Phil hasn’t cleaned the apartment in some time, I’m just saying.
P: Hey! I do clean! Everything’s in an order, it’s just not a very ...traditional order.
D: Phil’s got a very creative way of cleaning a mess.

Phil's chosen answer: Terrible Weatherman

Dan's question: What is in Dan’s browsing history?

- Self-insert Brendan Urie fan-fic
D: In this version, I knelt in the bathtub.

- Bee movie hentai
D: Is it legal to say that in the states?! I feel like it’s an international war crime just to read that.
P: What have you done? Can we move on quickly?
D: I don’t even wanna see the last one.

- Furryfest 2019 after-parties
P: I love the fact that you signing up to that is a given.
D: If I’m going to furfest, I’m looking for those after-parties, you know what I’m sayin’? The first furry joke and we’re only 6 minutes in.

Dan's chosen answer: Bee movie hentai (because it ruined his entire life)

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?

- A Life in the Life of Dan and Phil
D: That is what we’d actually call it. We are that creative at naming things. It’s either that or The Amazing Life is Not on Fire.

- Stuck in the Sofa Crease
P: That’s very true! It would just be an endless livestream of us browsing the internet.
D: It would just be pigeon fest, but just us giving ourselves back problems.

- Two British Nerds Go Wild on Cam
P: You fall off your chair a lot, that’s wild!

Their chosen answer: Two British Nerds Go Wild on Cam (“Just for the sheer horror”)
What's in Dan's Box?
- A Furry Tail (D: One of those tails that just comes on its own? Okay. Yeah…)
- DIY Slime
- Your (Dan’s) Emo Hair
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - moths (god’s way of telling you to put down the screen and go to bed at 3am)
Phil - warm hugs (who is hugging you is the question. what if it’s a warm hug from a giant jellyfish? You’d be stung to death.)
Dan - pollution (eventually all the plastic in the sea will piss the dolphins off so much, that they’ll grow legs, come on earth and kill everyone.)
Phil - relaxing slime videos (while you’re making the slime, you’re so relaxed, you fall asleep in the slime, then you can’t get out of the bowl, there’s slime in your brain… and then you die.)
Dan - spontaneous combustion (when you come up with a username like danisnotonfire at 13 years old and people make fun of you for it so much, you spontaneously combust and are finally free)
Phil - unlimited dogs (this room would get more and more full of dogs and suddenly you’re drowning in them……… and then you die.)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: types of nuts
P: acorn
D: almond

D: Acorn?!
P: Acorn!
D: I know what an acorn is, why did you say it?
P: ‘Cause it’s a nut!
D: We… had almond… with cereal… THIS MORNING!
P: Your mum’s a nut.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is about to get hit by a car, but Dan has to cut off his earlobes to save him.
D: Is this like a big car? A remote control car?
P: I think they’re talking about a proper car.
D: I mean you’re very dense… I wouldn’t be surprised if the car broke.
P: Dense?!
D: Yeah. I mean you’re very tall. You’d probably step over the car.
P: Are you saying you wouldn’t do that?!
D: Are you saying I should?! Phil, I feel like you would probably recover and I wouldn’t, so no! I would not do that for you.

Phil's dilemma: Dan has been stung by a jellyfish, but Phil has to pee on him.
P: Isn’t this like an urban legend anyway?
D: An urban legend? You mean a myth? [Mocking tone] An urban legend… ‘Did you hear the story about the jellyfish [...]’
P: Urban pee legend.
D: This is supposed to be a dilemma for Phil… have we considered whether I want Phil to pee on me?
P: I think you can embrace the sting. I’m not peeing on you, Dan.
[Dan electrocutes Phil]
D: Yeah, you feel that sting! That’s the sting of you not peeing on me right then. I think, somehow, that’s the weirdest thing I’ve said all evening.
Real Conversation Time

When do we get the tour bus gaming videos, lads?
D: Did everyone watch Phil’s last video, ‘wWat Dan and Phil text each other’? [...] Usually it’s just going, “Rat!” “Yee!” “Yeet!”
P: Yeah, we were going to actually film some gaming videos, but then AirCanada lost out bag.
D: What the hell?! But we got it back yesterday.
P: We got it back!
D: I mean, we’re kinda questionable at gaming and trying to be funny at the same time anyway. How is that gonna be on the bus?
P: I don’t know! I’m not sure if the bus should be moving when we play, because we tried Mario Kart and it was like a 4D experience.
D: You think he was joking when he was like [...] Fortnite earlier. He’s not. He’s like a violent man.
P: Now we’ve got out camera back, I would say… soon.
I am loving the insta stories. Do you think you guys would continue them after the tour?
D: Why didn’t we do it before the tour, Phil?
P: Because we don’t really do much.
D: We don’t do anything interesting. Here’s my insta story, I’m in my pajamas, water a houseplant. And that’s interesting, but day 750 wouldn’t be, okay?
P: Day 750. Dan is still in the sofa crease.
D: Should we continue after the tour?
P: I’m definitely not going to abandon it. It might be a little less frequent, but I would still like to do it!
D: Maybe we can go outside, just to show them interesting things.
P: Maybe!
D: ‘Cause I’m liking it! It’s okay!
I want to shave my head, but I’m scared of what my mom will think. Help me, guys!
D: This is Phil. Your appearance is something that’s very personal to you and other people, they don’t understand things, they’re not gonna relate, but it’s your personal expression of yourself. And the thing is like, you might be scared that other people will judge you or whatever, but you just need to say to them, no! The most important thing is how I feel and I want to do it. Honestly, as much as you can say, “Just do it! Who cares?” As long as you explain, they should appreciate it. Because if it means something to you, it should mean something to them. And if it doesn’t… Who cares! Just do it anyway!
P: Something I would always do with my parents if it was something like that… I would tell them that I was doing something MUCH worse and then I’d be like “Surprise! It’s not that bad!” Cause you could say, “I’m gonna get a full back tattoo of Shrek” and then your mom would be like “Really?” And then you’d actually be like “No! I’m just gonna shave my head. It’s fine.”
D: And then they’d be less disappointed when they see that you actually did that.
recording and transcript courtesy of... me lol :lol:

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Wed Jul 25, 2018 3:22 am

Schenectady - 21 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: So we've been making many attempts to pronounce the town we're in.
D: We are very happy to be doing our first every show in [butchered pronunciation of Schenectady]
P: Dan- [more butchered pronunciation and this bit continues on between both of them for a while]
D: In all seriousness - schubadoo.
P: Schenectady! [everyone cheers]
D: We have spent for and a half hours today learning that.
P: I will remember it forever.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
- avoiding tanning
P: [??] sun beams and set on fire.
D: Nope, not today, Mr. Sun! If he - Phil craves the vitamin D. [??]
P: I do, I need to wear the spf 100 just to stand under this spotlight.
D: It's true, honestly.

- long distance gleeking
D: Who here does not know what gleeking is? Phil, explain it.
P: Basically sometimes when I yawn, a big spray of saliva comes from under my tongue like a snake. I don't know why!
D: He has a tongue defect where he literally snakes people. Sometimes Phil yawns, I'll be like five meters away on a laptop and I'll just feel this spray. What's that - sorry, just gleeked on you. [jokes about the front row being the splash zone]

- a triathalon of tripping over
D: We all know that would literally happen.
P: [??] I am still a bit worried about this edge.
D: [jokes about Phil falling off/stage being a trip hazard]

Phil's chosen answer: avoiding tanning

Dan's question: What form of torture would make Dan confess everything?
- a onesie made of moths
D: There we go. Is that like wearing it or just seeing it? Because just thinking about it I'm ready to give you the codes right now.
P: That'd be kind of like a tickly massage.
D: That is the worst - okay. You're really distressing me with your phrases today. [something about it being dusty]

- slow erotic neck touching
D: Slow neck touching would be enough, did you have to add erotic? Is that that crossed the line from really made me cry to [??].
P: Did you get bitten by a vampire in a previous life?
D: Probably, yes, [??].

- hello internet on repeat
D: Wow, been here for like five minutes, that is the first Hello Internet joke.
P: Dan! Give me the nuclear launch codes! Hi, my name is [ Dan ]-
D: No! Everybody who keeps square bracketing at me from the audience right now, yeah I'm - no, I am gonna find you and block you after this show. That is a threat.

Dan's chosen answer: hello internet on repeat

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?
- scent of sofa crease
D: It's so true, honestly. Ninety percent of our life is spent embedded into the sofa crease.
P: I think one day you're just going to disappear into that crease and never come out.
D: What is the scent of the sofa crease? Is it like, pajamas you haven't washed yet and Doritos you've been sitting on for two weeks?
P: Or pizza.
D: Yes, exactly. That one bit of pepperoni that got lost a while ago.

- sharpie fumes
D: And obviously after nearly ten years of inhaling sharpie fumes [??], doesn't that explain everything?
P: I think it does.
D: Like what's up with Dan and Phil? It's the sharpie fumes. And now you too can be as disturbed as us.

- [something about lady door]
D: Very funny reference to the lady door meme, but did you think that through? Okay lets move on.

Their chosen answer: sharpie fumes
What's in Dan's Box?
- battery operated boyfriend robot
- unreleased fanfiction
- Phil's soul
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - stealing candy from a baby (oral hygeine is underappreciated)
Phil - respecting your elders (grandmas can be creepy)
Dan - 2011 square hair (rock bottom, everything's up from there)
Phil - sniffing beautiful flowers (bees in your nose and they sting your brain)
Dan - WWIII (worst thing about earth is humanity)
Phil - angels (no wifi in heaven)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: planets
P: earth
D: uranus

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets lost in a deep forest, but to save him Dan has to get a rat tattoo.
D: What the hell is this scenario? There's a scout that's like, I will find your friend but only if I can tattoo a rat on you.
P: I would not survive in the forest.
D: How big is this forest? Is it like an England forest or like a Canada forest?
P: Big.
D: It's a big forest. And also how big is this rat tattoo? Is it like - is it like a-
P: Dan, I think you're getting into too many specifics. Would you save me from the forest, or not?
D: I mean - if you were going to die in the woods...
P: It's up to you!
D: You know what, Phil, I would save you. I would not let you die in the woods.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is falling out of a plane, but to save him Phil has to eat a block of cheese.
P: I can't do that!
D: You... can't... do... that. I am FALLING out of a FREAKING PLANE.
P: [something about a seat belt]
D: My seat belt? If I am falling out of a plane, why would being strapped to a seat help?
P: As much as I'd like to help you, I couldn't eat a whole block of cheese.
D: [??] making bad decisions- what the hell? [buzzes him]
Real Conversation Time

Have you guys ever been to Google HQ? Tell us all the illuminati secrets.
D: Uh yeah, we actually have, it's so weird.
P: It is! Like first of all, they have unlimited food for anyone who goes.
D: I know, right? It's literally heaven and hell at the same time.
P: So they've got a cafe with all of the snacks you could want. There were like, five kinds of pizza. They've got an ice cream machine with four different flavors. You can just go in - like, you're sat in the office and be like, I want a strawberry ice cream now!
D: [mock whisper] This is why they aren't fixing youtube. Okay, that's the tea. [??]
P: He was just kidding.
D: I was just kidding. They're always listening. [high pitched sweet voice] I love you, Google. Forever.
P: It's actually really cool, though. They've got like, entire meeting rooms which are padded in duvets all the way to the ceiling. So you can just like, snuggle a wall during a meeting.
D: They're so quirky. But yeah, next time we go, we should find the illuminati somewhere. I think every video on youtube needs to yee for twenty four hours.
I have a phobia of frogs but my friends won't take me seriously. Help!
D: Okay that's the thing about phobias, right? They're irrational fears. You might have a friend whose like, oh frogs aren't scary. If you say to a friend you have a phobia of frogs, they should respect that okay. People don't take my fear of the dark seriously but it's real okay. Does anyone else turn off the light then run down the corridor? What is in your house that'll get you, nothing! And here I am, twenty something year old man and I finish brushing my teeth and [screech].
P: I think what you should do is, you should have a word with your friends. Or if it's like a particular friend that keeps doing it, then say-
P: - just say look, this is actually upsetting me, it's not a joke. It's not like a joke fear, it's an actual real fear.
D: Yeah, if you have a real friend - it might be silly and embarrassing to you but if they love you then they should respect that.
P: They should.
D: And if they don't, drop kick them.
I am moving into a new place. Should I get a rabbit or a rat?
D: As a pet? I mean, I haven't ever had a house rabbit.
P: I had a house rabbit and it was the best. It was so great, it was called Holly and we had it just running around the house. Sometimes it ate the Christmas lights, which was really dangerous-
D: You said it as if it did that more than once.
P: Yeah like six times.
D: And it lived?
P: Yeah.
D: It ate a Christmas tree light and it lived?
P: The cutest thing was it had three plushie toys that it thought were its babies and it licked and like carried them around the house.
D: Rip my heart out of my chest friend now.
P: Yeah, it was so cute. So I'm on team rabbit.
D: And obviously I'm a rat so I'm on team rat.
Thanks to sugar for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by rizzo » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:12 am

Pittsburgh - 22 July 2018

Intro Banter
D:This building is actually the place where they invented tomato ketchup.
P: It is!
D: [??]... sorry I had to start off with a terrible pun. Start as you mean to go on! A crushing disappointment. Truly.
P: I was also trying to find things Pittsburgh is famous for.. Pickles are a big thing!
D: Yep. Apparently there's a big pickle up a road somewhere and that wasn't a euphemism. Someone came up to me and was like, "We're gonna take a photo with a big pickle." I was like [...] Oh! Literally, there's a pickle festival. 'Cause I was like... security! It's fine. Everything makes sense. I'm happy to be here, but I'm scared.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What is hidden in Phil's browsing history?
- Help! I'm too [??]
P: It is a compliment!
D: Phil on wikihow at 5AM, "I'm [??], what do I do about this?"
P: I just smacked my head on this theatre, trying to get through one of the doors.
D: You are literally obnoxiously tall.
- Cereal ASMR
P: Is that like slow crunchy mouth noises?
D: It's someone who gets cinnamon toast crunch... just rubbing it on their chest. It's that side of youtube.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: Phil's channel.
P: Probably.
- Succulent Fan Fiction
P: The only good succulent fan fiction for me is if they actually stay alive at the end.
D: You know those sad fan fics when someone dies at the end? That's every one of Phil's houseplants.
P: My children.
D: "It was a steamy day in the terrarium. The cactus wiggled over to the other one with some photosynthesis..."
P: What are you doing?
D: Okay. Follow me on Wattpad.

Phil's chosen answer: Succulent Fan Fiction.

Dan's question: What job would Dan have if YouTube didn't exist?
- Sweaty Lawyer
D: Maybe not physically, but emotionally. You know what I'm saying? I'm sometimes sweaty, but like EMOTIONALLY sweaty. That would be me.
- Angsty Hot Topic [??]
D: I feel so attacked right now. How is that so true though? I mean if I got fired for selling an axe to a child, what am I doing at Hot Topic? Let's not think about that.
- Full-Time Real Life Hobo
D: Who remembers when my slogan was like, "Hi, I'm Dan! Full Time Internet Hobo!"? This is the other kind.

Dan's chosen answer: Angry Hot Topic [??]

Joint Dan and Phil question: What do they keep secret from each other?
- What they do in the shower! (P: What does that mean?!)
D: Well, we all know that Phil's not watering his houseplants. I'm just saying. They're so thirsty. I mean, my mind's racing [...] looking at slime videos probably.
P: See, I wash my legs in the shower. Some people don't wash their legs.
D: You come out of the shower wearing three towels.
P: I do!
D: Three towels. Every single time, THREE TOWELS. My life's is just going "Where's the towels?" And Phil's just like "ON ME!" What do you possibly need 3 towels for?
P: Just because then you dry faster if you're completely covered in--
D: What Phil does is, he doesn't dry himself. He just puts on 6 towels and sits in an armschair and then he just sits there for 2 hours.
P: What's there to do?
D: You can pick one! Dry faster or have 3 towels, which is it?
P: Having three towels!
D: There we go. The lies have been debunked. Thank you.
- Content of bedside tables.
D: Phil's has dead houseplants. You know who I haven't seen in a while? Loki the cactus. Don't you remember Loki the cactus? How is he? Completely dead, guys. Dead af. Loki is one crispy dude. He's doing as well as the Loki himself in infinity war.
- They're actually the same person.
P: It's all smoke and mirrors guys.
D: Wow, that would explain a lot wouldn't it?

Their chosen answer: They're actually the same person.
What's in Dan's Box?
- A steamy picture of Kanye (D: I locked him in a box after what he said on Twitter.)
- Dan's Deepest Secrets
- Secret Stash of Maltesers (D: I keep them next to the placenta and Delia Smith's cookies.)
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Stepping on legos (It teaches you to clean the hell up after yourself.)
Phil - Eating cake on a beach (The cake will be full of ants, because you're eating it outside and also a seagull will fly down and rip your face off)
Dan - Cannibalism (It would solve human over-population)
Phil - playing peek-a-boo with a baby (what is the baby? who said it's a human? what if it's a baby alien with 10,000 teeth and it... rips your face off.)
Dan - pineapple on pizza (when the rapture inevitably comes, god needs to know who to spare and who to cast into eternal damnation. that's why this pizza exists. if you're the kinda person who likes cheesy fruit, then you're the one who gets sucked up into the black hole.)
Phil - a million cute puppies (a million is a lot of puppies, they'd fill up the whole the whole theatre and be in your face and then they'd get angry and... they'd bite your face off)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Vines
P: I smell like beef.
D: Two bros chilling in a hot tub.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil got it wrong, Dan got it wrong.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil's youtube channel is about to get deleted, to save it you have to revert to your old branding.
P: Bring out the llamas, you gotta get your square hair, llamas, snot on fire, the whole package.
D: Would it be worth it for you? Would you wanna see me go back to that? I mean, are we being completely serious here? You know what, Phil? I would do that for you.

Phil's dilemma: Dan and Phil Games will get 100 Million subscribers (D: Pewdiepie is quaking!) but you have to drop an F-bomb at the start of every AmazingPhil video.
P: How would it be? "Hey guys-- F you, guys!"
D; Well. That's basically like that channel trailer I had. Remember that? It started out with "SEX"..
P: It's not all about the subscribers. I just like that people enjoy the videos. I wouldn't ruin every video of mine just to have subscribers.
D: You wouldn't do it even though they cheered?
P: No.
D: Bad Phil! Think of all the things Dil could buy if he had 100 mil subscribers.
P: He could buy your mum.
D: This got a bit too tense.

Real Conversation Time

What do you guys think of the American Accent?
D: Are we implying there's one American accent? There's like 50. It's our favorite thing to offensively try to do those.
P: As a kid, it's really weird. We didn't travel much when I was a kid, so I idolized the American accent from the American TV I watched.
D: But it's only from California that you see things on TV. So it's like - what do Americans speak like? [in a Valley Girl accent] "Oh my GAWD! I'm American and this is what I totally sound like." And that's so offensive to everybody, that's just the annoying people from California.
P: I really wanted to talk like that though. I do still like the accent.
D: Yeah. The interpretations we get are like... Texas cowboy from Simpsons, Joey from Friends, and like High School Musical. And that's it basically. That's your culture around the world and it's beautiful, truly.
P: I don't really notice every accent though. If I was talking in American, I'd just be like [in slightly southern accent?) "Yeah. I don't know Dan, what do you think of the American accent?"
D: Even this right now, isn't your true authentic accent. Because you speak northern English.
P: Yeah. I used to talk [Northern Accent] "Oh I donno, wadduyu reckon' Dan?"
D: [Northern Accent] "My names Phil and I like to walk down the [???]. I'm from Manchester."
P: Yeah. If anyone watches Game of Thrones, I used to talk like the Starks.
D: All the inbred people living in the mountains? That's what Phil sounds like naturally. It's beautiful.
P: [In an American Accent] Let's move on to our next question.
My brother is my best friend, but he's getting married and I'm scared we won't talk anymore. Help!
D: Aw! I was really worried she was gonna say "I'm getting married to my brother."
P: I know that was me too! I think... If your brother's your best friend, then the fact that he's getting married won't affect anything, I'm sure. I think if you've got something special like you watch a TV show together or something like that, then talk about your feelings. Say, look I'm worried about this. Can we still watch the Simpsons together? And I'm sure it'll be fine.
D: I mean, your brother will need someone to complain to or cry to and that'll still be you. So don't worry!
P: We got two people that got engaged in the audience today!
D: You are both so cute. I will happily be the third person in your marriage. Congratulations and I'm sorry! It'll be fine!
Any advice for someone who is learning to drive? I suck!
D: That's what he said? Amazing.
P: I haven't driven really since I passed my driving test.
D: What a great use of your parents' money.
P: So I'm not the best person to ask.
D: How many driving tests did you have?
P: I had 60 lessons. Yeah. And 4 tests. And I passed the fourth.
D: So your parents were like "We have to remortgage our house. We really want our son to drive." And you haven't driven once since?
P: That's the thing. When I came to London, there was no point in driving. Because you get the underground everywhere. But i don't think i could be trusted to drive a car anyway.
D: Phil has directional insanity, which is a nice way of saying he has a very low attention span and can't tell left and right. So if you were like, "Alright! Time to turn left at the junction!" Phil would be like "Woop! U-turn!" So it's a good thing that Phil's not on the road.
P: So, for those who CAN drive, do you have any advice for Pete? Any advice for learning to drive?
D: Get driving lessons. No, it's not that terrifying. Just think that everyone else does it. In some countries you have to be 18 or 21. When do you guys learn?
(Crowd yells "16!")
P: That's like 12 isn't it?
D: As an American, when you're 16 you get your first [??] and unleashed onto the freeway! If Phil can actually eventually pass a driving test, then so can you! Why did you pass that fourth driving test?
P: Because the instructor had just won the lottery and didn't care what I was doing. He said "This is my final test! I'm gonna go on a plane to Barbados tomorrow!"
D: So he was literally like, "I'll just unleash this serial killer onto the world!"
Thanks to leonardodespacito and smoshyhecox for the show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:12 am

Detroit - 24 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: Very snazzy chandelier up there.
D: Does that count as as a chandelier?
P: I think it counts.
D: It's a snazzy sphere.
P: Yeah. Yeah - hopefully won't fall. It looks pretty [??]
D: Did you just say hopefully it won't fall? They come and enjoy the show, oh great a snazzy sphere is gonna fall on me. Actually look at that, that right there-
P: Oh my gosh.
D: That would be like [??]. Anyway lets not think about the various things that are gonna flatten us.
P: Lets not think about that!
D: Having a nice relaxing itme here.
P: Yeah! We were enjoying Detroit so much we actually went outside.
D: Honestly, we don't actually go out side just any place. So it really is a big deal that we left the bus briefly.
P: It was a big deal. We saw the giant fist.
D: Phil had a great time.
P: Also we waved hi to Canada as well!
D: We did! [??] smelled syrup from across the water.
P: And also, we tried traditional Detroit pizza.
D: Yes, we did. [audience screams over him, something about trying a bit of pizza out] New York is quaking! Whatever, we're in Chicago tomorrow, so we'll see. Chicago pizzas are weird, man. They're like cakes.
P: They are. They're like cakes.
D: It's like a pool. It's like that's not pizza, that's five layers of bread slammed on top of each other. Can we talk about pizza for two hours?
P: I think we could.
D: We had this other plan but I feel like we should just talk about fists and pizza.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: If Phil started a religion, what would it be called?
- The Church of Slime
P: Not to be funny but my slime I made on my youtube channel was pretty great slime.
D: Yes, definitely. [??]
P: We could all sit around every Sunday and squish slime together.
D: That sounds really disturbing. I don't like that at all. [??]

- the kingdom of crispy plants
D: It's funny because all of Phil's houseplants are dead.
P: My children!
D: Your children? Oh my god can we get the custody people to come in right now and snatch them. [leads into crispy af/no one watering their plants joke]

- the Philluminati
D: Philluminati.
P: Philluminati, yeah.
P: It's a secret.
D: Yeah, okay. You secretly eat cheese and then pretend you don't like it on the internet. [??]
P: Well you know what, Dan? Your mum's a member.
D: What does that even mean? It's not my fault, it was Tara that said that.

Phil's chosen answer: Church of Slime

Dan's question: What does Dan dream about at night?
- his rwar xD past
D: llamas and placenta lmao, okay. Wow, that physically hurts to read, thank you.

- his buddy being in London
D: What is the opposite of too soon? Too late. Please set me free from this thing happening.

- the sweet release of death
D: I feel so attacked, yet understood at the same time.

Dan's chosen answer: the sweet release of death

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?
- Phil falls off the stage and drags Dan with him?
D: That's not even a joke.
P: It's not, the edge of the stage is very close to tonight. Please [??]
D: [?? talking about people nearly dying, the splash zone]

- five minutes of exercise
D: It's so true.
P: So true.
D: [??] If Phil did one more squat he would instantly Die.
P: I would.
D: You just have to point it out if it looks like we're doing anything close to an exercise.
P: It's a real danger.

- getting demonetized
D: Phil's probably gonna say something that will get this show demonetized halfway through.
P: Any [??] on the the gaming channel Dan's gonna get us demonetized.
D: Yeah definitely. Or just falling off my chair and [?? something about baking videos and fire].

Their chosen answer: getting demonetized
What's in Dan's Box?
- his random past
- a moth he caught
- collection of anime body pillows
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - one giant moth (they're creepy when tiny but cute when big)
Phil - neverending box of animals (what if its a box full of beetles and they go into your brain)
Dan - 1d breaking up (opportunity to get solo careers = more content)
Phil - freshly baked pie (what if the pie is filled.... with beetles and then they go into your brain)
Dan - zombie dog apocalypse (humans would die but we'd be left with dogs that never died, which is heaven)
Phil - wifi (what if the webpage has been hacked... by beetles. gov't agent reads your wattpad and sees your incognito tabs)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Sims Characters
P: Eliza Pancakes
D: Nuki Howlter

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it right)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets to live an extra ten years, but dogs are not invisible to Dan.
D: No. No! Greta.
P: Dan, think of all the things I could do in ten years.
D: Think about all the dogs I could look at.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: What is life if dogs are invisible? There is literally no point.
P: So you're not gonna let me live?
D: For an extra ten years?
P: yeah.
D: If you did some mild exercise, you could do that for yourself, mate.
P: What!
D: How serious are we taking this? Do they want to know what we'd actually do?
P: Yeah!
D: Honestly, if you're actually asking me - I would not take ten years off your life, I would do that for you.
P: Awww.
D: I would hate you forever. But I would not shorten your life... to the forty years you're going to have.
P: You can stroke the invisible dogs.
D: Imagine stroking a dog you can't see.

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets free cheese for life, but Phil's fringe comes back.
D: I'm sure if you kept it for like fifteen years it would come all the way around to be cool again.
P: [??]
D: I could feed the world with free cheese.
P: Really? Everyone's gonna eat cheese?
D: They didn't say what kind of cheese. [mocking] Maybe the cheese is made of beetles!
P: No! I'm not getting the fringe back!
D: Are you serious? [buzzes him]
Real Conversation Time

I want to grow my hair out, but my mum won't let me. What do I do?
D: You say, chill out mum and kick her in the face! No, she gave birth to you.
P: I mean, I think you just need to say this is an important thing and it's up to you, it's your hair.
D: It's your identity, it's a way to express yourself, okay. I know that people have preconceived notions of like, what genders are supposed to look like [barf noise] but you know, you say to her, look - this is important to me [audience screaming over him]. Mum, you were totally hot for Tarzan when that movie came out, don't like to me. And she'll be like, I was, and then you do it.
P: Also a good thing to do is if you're trying to get permission from a parent for something, say something much worse first. So you might say - mum, I got a tattoo of Shrek on my back. You're mum's gonna be so devastated-
D: [impression of mum shouting]
P: And then you go, just kidding! I just want to grow my hair a bit, and that'll be fine.
D: And she'll be like [trembling mum voice] You didn't get the Shrek on your back? No, I just grew my hair. Whew, okay.
I'm surprised you both survived being outside for so long. How are you coping, are you homesick yet?
D: I'm not coping. That's my secret. [fake laugh]
P: I'm shocked I haven't fallen off the stage yet. That happened early on in the last tour.
D: I'm surprised that he hasn't literally murdered me after a game of Mario Kart on the tour bus. But there's plenty of time for that.
P: There is lots of that. But I think it's really nice going to a different place every day, getting to see loads of you guys.
D: Awww. You give our life meaning. [audience screaming/awwing over him] to see you guys [??] pizza I ate.
P: It's [??] parents in a while but facetime is there, so just facetime Kath and it's alright. Have we almost died? I don't think we've almost died yet. I mean, earlier with the Tide Pods-
D: Oh my god.
P: I actually put it up to my mouth.
D: Phil, when he was miming eating a Tide Pod he almost actually shoved a Tide Pod in his mouth.
P: I did, so you almost witnessed the death of me tonight.
D: Don't get a Shrek tattoo, don't actually eat a frickin' Tide Pod. The two lessons of Interactive Introverts, the moral at the end of the story.
P: We're still here.
I know everyone loves twitter, but it makes me sad. What do I do?
D: Who remembers when twitter was like, just memes? And now you go on and it's people screaming about politics and stuff. And it's like, it's important but stressful at the same time. You're like - this is making me a better person and also I'm totally screaming all the time. That's like me on twitter.
P: I think it's down to you personally, if it's making you sad you don't need to go on twitter at all. But there's also things you can do, you can mute certain words, you can mute certain people-
D: Just follow thousands of dog accounts.
P: Yes.
D: I follow all of my friends but it just so happens that I'm NOT seeing what my friends are doing because there's all these Pomeranians on my dashboard.
P: But if it's still not making you happy, then don't use twitter.
D: Yes, exactly. It's like when we accidentally took a break from social media when we went to Russia-
P: Yeah.
D: -that was like, that was very cleansing for my soul and also I'm scratching at my skin, what's happening, what's happening! I don't exist if I can't put it on the internet! So, I mean.
P: Yeah.
D: Do what ever you want, but in doubt - follow lots of dog accounts. That's the answer to everything in life.
P: Follow more dog accounts.
Thanks to sentient-houseplant for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by whatdoiknow » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:20 am

Chicago - 25 July 2018

Intro Banter
D: We are extremely excited to be back in Chicago. It's one of our favourite places in the whole of America!
P: It is!
D: It's true. I mean, you actually have a river that's clean. We don't know what that's like.
P: Yeah.
D: Like the Chigaco river here, it's blue. And then on St. Patrick's day it's green and stuff, and that's cool.
P: Yeah, our river in London is actually probably full of mutant crocodiles.
D: Just like, Victorian people's bodies and rats and stuff. It's just like a lovely shade of brown. So we come here and are like [fake crying voice] is this what water is supposed to look like? And you have a giant bean, what the hell is that about? [crowd cheering]
P: A big fat bean.
D: Most importantly though - you've got some thicc pizza here! [crowd cheers] No offense to the architecture and the river and the (?), no you have some fat pizza over here. It's amazing.
P: I mean, I think it might be a bit too much cheese for me since it's about this [gestures] thick.
D: Phil can't handle it, it's too thick and juicy for Phil. The Giordano's man comes to the door and I'm like 'back it up! back it up' [makes a noise]. You know how like a snake detaches its jaw.
P: Yeah.
D: I want to get those individual pizzas and just go [makes noise / presumably acts out taking a bite of pizza like a snake]. That's what I'm gonna do immediately after the show. I'm very excited.
P: I've got a terrifying image to look forward to on the tour bus.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What form of torture would make Phil confess everything?

- taping his fringe back on
P: No! It took me ten years to get rid of it, you can't make me put it back on again!
D: Phil is just strapped to a chair. Give me the codes or I'll tape the emo fringe back on!
P: Nooo!

- a corgi just too far away to pet
P: What?!
D: Sam, that is sadistic. What the hell is wrong with you, Sam?
P: Why would you suggest that, Sam?
D: What kind of twisted mind would even think of that?
P: I am shocked and horrified.
D: Just a little corgi butt wiggling, and then it's, it's just a centimeter too far away! That is just disgusting.
P: I'd actually just set on fire.
D: What, just emotionally?
P: Yeah
D: Okay.

- a twelve hour nacho cheese bath
P: I mean, that's just the equivalent of eating a Chicago pizza, isn't it?
D: That is, yes. There's actually 27 baths of cheese in a small Giordano's.
P: That's what Dan's going to be doing later.
D: Oh yeah!

Phil's chosen answer: a corgi just too far away to pet

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?

- self-insert 1d fanfiction
D: Oh my gosh, I feel so attacked right now.
P: Are you the 6th member of one direction?
D: Yeah it's the fanfiction of the moment where you stroked Liam's shaved hair.
P: Ohhh.
D: Except, I'm inserting myself into you. Okay, that came out wrong. [crowd cheering/laughing] (?)
P: Should we move onto the next one? Wow.
D: It didn't feel right.
P: It felt so prickly like a hedgehog.
D: Imagine feeling the prickles of Liam's head on your fingers. Phil has done that. Let's kill him! Okay, right.

- help, I'm stuck in the bahamas
D: Oh my god. Really? Alright, there's a list of things you don't make fun of, okay, and getting kicked out of the frickin country is one of them.
P: You had a nice little holiday for 12 hours.
D: Twelve? You mean one?
P: Oh yeah -
D: It was literally one of the worst days of my life. Okay, thank you for that.

- how to tell my audience I'm a furry
D: There it is, there it is. Thank you. We've been here for like, five minutes, there's the first furry joke. Okay, not holding back today.

Dan's chosen answer: self-insert 1d fanfiction

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?

- a magnificent accident
D: Literally my feelings after responding to that one direction thing.
P: How magnificent.
D: My reaction to every moment of my career.
P: [laughs]

- secretly crying out to help
P: Is that the name of the documentary?
D: Secretly? Have you watched my youtube channel? It's just a giant cry for help!

- two bros chilling in the sofa crease
D: Two bros deeply embedded in a sofa crease, two feet apart, and they've been stuck there for weeks because they don't go outside!
P: We're probably gonna die in that sofa crease.
D: I think one day I'll just be like browsing something, and then I'll just forget to drink and just die on the internet.

Their chosen answer: two bros chilling in the sofa crease
What's in Dan's Box?

- nick jonas
- sketches for a fursuit
- a corgi
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - pineapple on pizza (when thanos comes to earth, there needs to be a test for who gets deleted. if you like pineapple pizza, I hope that you're not feeling so good)
Phil - money raining from clouds (what happens when there's a tornado of money and it gives you paper cuts on your face and you die)
Dan - stabbing your friend (is a good thing when your friend steals your cereal)
Phil - puppies playing with a baby (what happens when it's a baby alien that the puppies are playing with)
Dan - jumping into a volcano (would be good when you're 13 and making a youtube channel and call it danisnotonfire)
Phil - eternal life (what happens when everyone you love is elderly, and eventually beetles will kill you)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: sticky things
P: a stick
D: glue

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil's eyesight is restored, but Dan loses a toe on each foot.
D: Is that okay? Okay, is that an even trade?
P: You don't need ten. You could have eight.
D: Are you being serious?
P: Look, it's my eyeballs.
D: And they kind of function-ish at the moment.
P: They don't!
D: Really?
P: Yeah.
D: Well. Who thinks that Phil looks nice in his glasses? [crowd cheers] Are we taking this completely seriously?
P: Yes!
D: I would not sacrifice two of my toes for you! [gets shocked]. Mother.. fluff.
P: Motherfluff.
D: What you gonna do about it? This show isn't demonetized yet.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: Yeah!

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets a lifetime Disney park pass, but Phil has to grow actual mouse ears.
P: What?! No.
D: Are we talking about like actual mouse ears, or like Mickey Mouse spheres coming out of your head?
P: I feel like it means actual mouse ears. Does that mean they replace my ears, or like more ears on my forehead?
D: I mean, that would be a look -
P: Or somewhere else?
D: What are you saying?
P: I don't know!
D: What is wrong with him this evening?
P: Look, Dan -
D: You already have weird tiny ears. Have you looked at how weird and tiny -
P: (?)
D: I feel like mouse ears would look more normal on his head.
P: I think Disney is a special thing that you go to, like, once every few years. If you went every day, it would lose it's specialness. I don't want mouse ears, so I'm gonna say no! [gets shocked]
Real Conversation Time

I'm started college and terrified. Any hints for the first day?
D: Ooh.
P: Ooh.
D: Who else is terrified of anything in life at this moment? [crowd cheers] I'm gonna say, that is the message that I wanted to pass on. Your first day of college you're terrified because you're like, I'm moving out of my town, I won't be living with my family anymore, I've got to introduce myself to new people, this work's gonna get hard, and it's very stressful. But all you need to remember is that literally everybody else is in the same boat. When you look into someone else's eyes, don't think 'they're really confident and I'm really awkward and they don't want to talk to me'. As long as you realize the whole of humanity is just as terrified as each other all the time, you'll be fine.
P: Yes! It all will be fine. And just don't worry about it so much because, like Dan said, everyone's in the same boat. If you're feeling like you might get homesick or something like that, then you've always got like facetime or skype. Your friends and family are still there to chat to.
D: The secret is to go home for food and laundry.
P: Yes.
D: "You drove across the state to do your laundry?" Yes mum, stop complaining.
P: It also doesn't last forever. It's gonna go super fast, so you're gonna be home seeing your family before you know it. So, don't worry about it.
D: So appreciate your freedom while you have it!
P: Yeah!
D: And hopefully you get further than I did.
Hi D&P, did your parents know when you started youtube? I'm scared mine will flip out.
D:[laughs] No, I used to wait until my family went grocery shopping and then tried to film it while they were away. Do you remember my, was it the second or third video I ever made, where I squeezed loads of yogurt cartons all over me? [crowd cheers] I had like a ten minute window when my dad was at walmart, asda, so I was like, I need to do this right now, and I slammed it into my face. And then he came back in, so I just put it on the table and ran away. And then he came into my room, and he was like 'why have you eaten 8 cartons of yogurt?'
P: [laughs] Just a hungry lad.
D: And I was like, 'uh I was just really hungry.' And that's what happened.
P: Yeah. I mean, my parents knew about it because I was just filming in the house and you could just hear me. They were like 'why is Phil talking to himself in his bedroom?'.
D: He's a special boy.
P: I felt like I had to explain. But I just said it was a hobby and luckily they were quite supportive of it. I think now youtube is a lot more mainstream anyway, so if you explain to your parents that it's something creative, it's fun, it's a hobby that you enjoy, then I'm sure that they won't flip out.
D: Yes, exactly. Good advice, Phil! [crowd cheers] Are we really living in an age where parents won't question why you're squeezing yogurt onto your face anymore?
P: Maybe not.
D: Culture is dead, okay.
I'm pregnant! I'm really happy about it. Should I call my baby Lucas or Sebastian?
D: Ooh. Okay, this is the most important decision that's gonna be made tonight, okay.
P: Guys! You guys are about to name a human. This is a big deal.
D: Cheer if you want Lucas to be the name. [crowd cheers]
P: Who wants Sebastian? [crowd cheers]
D: I mean, Sebastian Stan anybody? [crowd cheers] Thank you, exactly, exactly.
P: I guess you're naming your baby Sebastian!
D: Congratulations! Just make their middle name Lucas, and then when they're fifteen and they're rebelling against you, they'll just rebrand themselves to Lucas anyways, that seems to be what happens.
P: So, good luck with the baby.
D: We just named a baby!

Thanks to quercussp and oblivionsgrace for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Sun Jul 29, 2018 4:41 am

Minneapolis - 26 July 2018

Intro Banter
D: We are - I think we have to start off with a formal apology.
P: Yeah. A formal apology for the gaming video we uploaded.
D: Did anyone see the gaming video we uploaded? [audience cheers] Turns out, we're incredibly ignorant.
P: We were trying to name the American states. Turns out we are very bad at it.
D: I don't know, like - I'm crying because I just looked at the thing that pumps out smoke.
P: Oh no! Are you okay?
D: Some of my [??]. I'm just so emotional because they're all so beautiful in the audience tonight. No it's like - there's like the feeling of when I sprayed deodorant in my eye.
P: Have you got the same feeling?
D: Don't worry, I don't have to abandon you to call the ambulance or anything. That was really disappointing, though. I'm so happy that we didn't have to guess - Phil, what state are we in right now? Do you happen to remember? Phil, where are we?
P: I totally remember! Minneapolis is in.... Minnesota! [audience screams]
D: Can you imagine - Texas!
P: But Dan, where is it on the map of America?
D: At the top somewhere, because it's cold in the winter. Yes! It's true. It's very British weather today. By that I mean it's a bit rainy and sad. Like me on the inside. So I feel like home.
P: It's making us feel at home. Spiritually as well.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
- competitive innuendo dropping
P: I can't help it! There's no filter between my mouth and my brain.
D: You just don't have a brain. I hope you're ready for some absolute filth to accidentally come out of that thing today, okay.
P: Hey!

- hide the emo fringe
P: I mean, I might have left it in a little drawer next to my bed just in case you guys didn't like the new hair. Just stick it back on again.
D: Pin the [??] on the pale thing.

- being a little nerd tbh
P: I quite like that as a sport! You can just play video games.
D: If that was a sport, I would fight you to the death for that. Bring it, honestly.
P: I would.
D: Would any of you challenge us for that? [audience screams] I want to see you try! I have trained for this.

Phil's chosen answer: being a little nerd tbh

Dan's question: What job would Dan have if youtube didn't exist?
- motivational speaker
D: Yes. Okay, ladies and gentleman, you're all going to die. [??] byeee. Just lying face down on the floor, thank you!

- axe salesman
D: There's no topic that's okay here.
P: Dan did sell an axe to a twelve year old, though.
D: Yes, I got fired for selling an axe to a child, okay. I did it so that I could be a good example for other people. It was all planned when I was seventeen.

- just fully homeless
P: Dan! This is your only job.
D: Just - fully homeless. Okay. I love the belief that my audience has in me.

Dan's chosen answer: just fully homeless

Joint Dan and Phil question: What do they keep secret from each other?
- their scalesonas
P: [something about fursonas]
D: No one wanted their eyes to read that sentence. Apologize immediately.
P: [something about being happy?]

- shrines to Zac Efron
D: Where are you hiding yours? I've got mine behind the boiler.
P: How many times have you watched High School Musical 2, is the question.
D: Specifically 2. Quite a lot. Yes, HSM 2 is the best one. I will fight you. I just need a reflective pool and a golf course and I'll be like [sings].

-piles of murdered houseplants
D: That is too real, okay.
[dead children, no one watering plants]

Their chosen answer: piles of dead houseplants
What's in Dan's Box?
- Dorito wrappers
- toupees tupays
- furry tail
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - moths (gods way of saying get some rest and put tumblr down)
Phil - cute babies (who says they're human babies)
Dan - empty food cupboards (if they're empty no one can steal your cereal)
Phil - a steamy shower (how hot is the steam? you melt and die)
Dan - human extinction (worst thing about our universe is humanity)
Phil - Gerard Way (so beautiful it ruins your life)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: planets
P: earth
D: uranus

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil can make dogs magically appear, but Dan grows a massive tail.
D: [??] a third tail.
P: Maybe?
D: It wouldt be bad if I grew a massive tail, that's one thing. The other thing is - how massive is this tail?
P: It goes up to your head, like a curl.
D: Really?
P: I want the dog power.
D: I feel like Phil would destroy the world if he could make dogs magically appear.
P: How?!
D: Just drown in dogs and die in twenty minutes.
P: Are you not gonna do it?
D: What would you do with this power?
P: I'd give you a dog. I'd give the audience a dog.
D: Okay, are we being completely serious? I'd like to have a tail, I think it would be quite - I'd do that for you Phil, I would do that.

Phil's dilemma: Dan lives for one million years but Phil has to eat cheese every day while Dan is alive.
P: Oh my gosh! That sounds like a lot of responsibility, and a lot [??].
D: A lot of responsibility? What, you eating a slice of cheese every day?
P: Yeah! What if I forgot one day and you just turn into dust or something, like Thanos?
D: [??] Phil, I don't feel so good. Too soon. Massive, massive, thicc too soon there.
P: No, I can't - I can't have cheese every day.
D: Are you being serious? Oh my god, no. [buzzes him]
Real Conversation Time

Any advice on starting a youtube channel? I don't want it to flop.
D: Well, we have obviously no advice to give you there because we're just two giant flops.
P: I think if it's something that you really crave and believe in and it's something you want to do and you're excited to do, you should totally give it a go because you don't want to get like five years down the line and be like 'aw I wish I'd done that.'
D: Yeah. I mean like, in life generally, doesn't matter if it's just a hobby or a job you want to have or a dream you want to follow, you have to at least try because it might work out and even if it doesn't then you can be like at least I know I did what made me happy, because, you know - we didn't start youtube thinking oh it's gonna go well. It was all an accident, and here we are stood in front of you right now!
P: It shouldn't be about subscribers and success, anyway, because starting out you should be doing it because you find it fun.
D: If it makes you happy and it's something you're passionate about, you go for it.
Is there anything you guys are missing about the UK?
P: We've been away from home for a while now.
D: We have, and yet it's going so quickly, we're all dying.
P: You saw my tweet, I was like - we're all elderly, where does the time go?
D: What do you miss from home, Phil?
P: I think - I do miss a few things. I kind - I miss being able to see my family, that's one thing. Facetime helps, I facetime Kath and it's all fine. I don't really miss the apartment that much because frankly London is having the biggest heat wave ever.
D: They're probably sweaty as hell right now. Because London's really old and in all of its culture no one has aircon. Imagine it being a hundred degrees and then you're just sweating in the night like [makes a noise]. That's like what it was.
P: Everyone in London has melted.
D: What do you miss? Other than just your family and-
P: What about you?
D: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uhhh. The wifi. That's it! Okay.
P: We're having so much fun while hanging out with you guys-
D: That it's worth putting up with the unreliable wifi. That is how much we love you.
P: Yeah!
D: You're just good enough for the unreliable wifi. Just.
P: Just.
You always complain when it is cold. Try our Minnesota winters, biatch.
D: Oh, I see how it is. Okay. That's the thing - did you ever notice that British people are so obnoxious at social media? Football's happening and we're like, it's coming home! Everyone's like - we're not interested in your memes. We're like, slightly hot in the summer and everyone's like oh my god its like sixty degrees it's so hot in London I can't function. So you think it's cold, it snows once, the whole country shuts down.
P: If there is one snowflake on a train track, everything-
D: Can't go to work, bus is closed down. Here you guys are just wading through four hundred foot of snow. [audience screaming] It's true, true.
P: They also ended the question with do you prefer hot or cold?
D: I prefer cold, definitely.
P: Yeah, I prefer cold.
D: When it's hot it's really hard to get cold. When you're cold, you can just put on millions and millions of hoodies. So you're living in the good place, Texas is quaking right now.
P: Yeah. So we'll be moving here in a few months.
Thanks to queergenji for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:29 am

Milwaukee - 27 July 2018

Intro Banter
P: So I had a very scary experience this morning. I did - I was attacked.
D: Okay, Phil. If you say that you're gonna take it seriously and think there's something actually bad happened to you.
P: It was serious! Listen. Stepped out of the tour bus, saw a shadow in the sky - got dive bombed by seagulls!
D: Yeah. Honestly. Phil had like a near death - was it a seagull?
P: I think it was a seagull! It was like white and 'caww.'
D: I mean all of -Phil - I just saw Phil go [screech] and run in the building briefly.
P: I was scared!
D: Phil spent the next three hours going up to people going, I got attacked this morning.
P: Yeah.
D: Okay I mean, you know like, some people actually get like, murdered.
P: Dan!
D: Was violently honked at by a bird, does that count?
P: Is that normal in Milwaukee? [crowd screams yes] They're plotting something.
D: Well actually - well that's what you get for going outside for three seconds to get from a bus into a building.
P: Yeah. I think it is.
D: Moral of the story, don't ever go outside. But as if it couldn't be worse for Phil, he is in literally the worst place for him.
P: Why?
D: The cheese state. [audience screams] Just being here is making him sweat nervously.
P: I know.
D: He just knows it's out there somewhere.
P: I'm trying very hard to be supportive but I can just tell there is cheese everywhere.
D: Yeah. The building's made of cheese, you're all made of cheese - Phil, he's so intolerant of everything right now.
P: I'm sure it's very delicious but that means there's more for you. So it's fine.
D: Aw, yes. More cheese for everybody else.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What is hidden in Phil's browsing history?
- ASMR mouth noises
P: That is one of the worst things!
D: What - [mouth noises]
P: No! Ugh!
D: Someone of you enjoyed that and I'm kinkshaming you right now.
P: I made a whole ASMR video, it was horrific.
D: And you pretend that you don't like it? At 4 am he's just in bed going yeah, yeah, make that noise-

- how to pretend to be innocent
D: Yes, okay, thank you. The wikihow article that started his career - it's all a lie.
P: I can't help it! I've just got no filter between my mouth and my brain.
D: Either that or you just don't have a brain. I don't know what it is, but I hope you're ready for some absolute filth to come out of that mouth tonight.

- how to revive houseplants

Phil's chosen answer: how to revive houseplants

Dan's question: If he started a religion, what would it be called?
- hi, my name is [jesus]
P: Amazing.
D: Way to roast me and Jesus at the same time, Fiona. Good one. We've been here for what, three minutes, and it's the first Hello, Internet joke. Thanks, Fiona! This is great.

- memeism
D: Accurate. So what do you do in this religion? You just like, look at some Shiba Inu gifs and cry? Sign me up!

- lolzor xD llamaism
P: Oh no! The branding is out in force.
D: I can't even laugh at that, I just want to cry, you know what I mean? Oh my god.
P: Does everyone have to have square hair to join that religion?
D: [shrieks] Right, please let me free. I love that you just wrote that to make the joke and just went dot dot ism. Really, you think that counts as an answer?

Dan's chosen answer: lolzor xD llamaism

Joint Dan and Phil question: What do Dan and Phil smell like?
- nasal fantasy
D: Simultaniously kind of a good name and really upsetting at the same time?
P: The nasal aspect just sounded gross.
D: No one wants to think nasal, alright? It's supposed to be like, alluring and sexy, not like - nostril slime.
P: Nasal.

- eu du door of the lady
D: Okay, right, Rhiannon, I get that you're trying to make a funny lady door reference there - what the hell are you implying by that?
P: What does that smell like?
D: Moving on. Moving on, moving on, moving on.

- rat musk
D: Straight up - rat musk. Wow. Just the smell of two sweaty rats trying their hardest.
P: Well that's probably the most accurate.

Their chosen answer: rat musk
What's in Dan's Box?
- hair straightener
- dentist kink video
- golden lady door
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - infinity wars spoilers (Good thing because some things are too emotionally devastating tobe a surprise.)
Phil - a tasty meal (What if it's not a human meal.)
Dan - Dan's old branding (Need bad things in our past to feel better moving into the future.)
Phil - hugs (what if you're hugging an alien)
Dan - the g-note (refuses - "some things are just too far")
Phil - one million puppies (drown in puppies)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: dog breeds
P: chihuahua
D: shiba inu

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it right)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil's houseplants never die, but Dan's internet history is uploaded.
P: What are we gonna see, Dan?
D: I mean that just wouldn't be worth it on any level.
P: Really?
D: I'm sorry, is this supposed to be a debate right now? I would get fully arrested in twelve-
P: But my plants!
D: What kind of like, weird hentai can get you life in prison?
P: Dan!
D: Uhhh well you know, if we're being totally honest - no! I wouldn't do that! Are you freaking serious-
P: Bad friend! [buzzes him]

Phil's dilemma: Dan is now an athlete, but Phil misses a Christmas.
P: I love a Christmas!
D: How seriously are we taking this right now?
P: I want to take it seriously!
D: Alright - I become an athlete.
P: I'm obsessed with Christmas, though!
D: I would live like five years - fifty years longer, probably, if I did some mild exercise.
P: So I - if I - if I - if that means I'm extending your life, honestly, I would let you be an athlete.
D: Awww, he would do it! I don't get to electrocute you.
Real Conversation Time

Do you guys have a favorite video you have made? I love them all, by the way.
P: Thanks.
D: Aww - do you?
P: All of them?
D: Do you love the Silver Button by AmazingPhil? If you saw it, I'm not sure you would.
P: [??] Favorite video - I always go back to the photobooth challenge-
D: It's the photobooth challenge! That is the answer!
P: It's so stupid.
D: It was so stupid.
P: But I could just watch it and it'll always make me laugh.
D: It's just - we have never violently cried editing a video before.
P: No!
D: At ourselves, okay. Have you ever made yourself laugh because you're that lame? We were sat there dribbling looking at an iMac, okay. And it was literally the stupidest thing ever but somehow the best content.
P: Yeah, that made me - I also like the tour of my brain video that I made.
D: Yeah?
P: That took ages, but-
D: You like that? That was basically actually doing crafts.
P: It was!
D: I was holding this big piece of cardboard like I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, PJ why did you make me want to do this?
P: Yeah, that was fun as well.
D: What a dick.
P: I'd say those two.
D: Yeah, those two are a good answer.
P: Any of yours?
D: Okay, any of - well, photobooth challenge was mine, and that's- you know, the best video I'll ever upload, so.
I have a work presentation and I'm scared I will pee on the floor.
P: I'm guessing you're asking for advice and not just telling us.
D: I'm just telling you - I plan on peeing on the floor.
P: No, I think - everyone, whenever-
D: Did someone just really enthusiastically cheer for peeing on the floor? We are not here to judge.
P: Sorry if you're sat next to that person, just lift your feet.
D: Yeah, sorry, everyone [??]
P: What I would say, is when anyone's doing a presentation-
D: Like in class.
P: Yeah, in class, everyone is gonna be worried about it. But then everyone watching you whose probably got to also do a presentation is going to be having the same thoughts-
D: When have you ever been in a class looking at other people do presentations actually paying attention-
P: No.
D: -versus you freaking out about doing your own presentation, okay?
P: Yeah.
D: This is the secret to the whole of humanity. You think that everyone's always looking at you and judging you and you feel weird and self conscious, but no - everybody is just constantly freaking out about their own lives all of the time.
P: They are.
D: And as soon as you realize that we're all as stressed as each other, everything is okay.
P: Everything will be fine.
D: So don't worry. Just... don't pee on the floor.
P: Don't pee on the floor.
D: You really gave yourself the best piece of advice.
P: Maybe just focus as well on something in the back of the room, don't look into everyone's eyes. Like look at a clock, or a... cactus.
D: And wear an adult diaper.
My brother has replaced me with Fortnite. Help!
D: Phil has replaced me with Fortnite.
P: I have.
D: His life is much better.
P: I mean it's a very addictive game, but I think everyone will have a time when maybe their brother or their sister will be like 'I'm so grumpy, I don't want to talk to you anymore' but - I think you just need to let them get through that.
D: Fortnite makes people violent.
P: It does.
D: Does anyone have a sibling that got addicted to it and now they're just really violent and angry all the time?
P: Yeah.
D: Yeah, thank you. This is what my life is like with Phil at the moment. Somebody save me.
P: Dan. It's an important thing. I have to play. No - I think. If you worry that you're never gonna speak to your brother again-
D: It's just a phase.
P: -you're drifting apart.
D: Like being emo. It's not a phase. It's part of him forever.
P: But it will pass, and you'll be friends-
D: Or just replace him with some anime, or something. Your life will be better.
Thanks to cyan-and-lavender for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:35 am

Cincinnati - 28 July 2018

Intro Banter
D: Phil is really happy to be in Cincinnati, and now... he is gonna spell it.
P: No! I did it wrong once today!
D: Very important moment. Lets just give him total silence.
P: Okay. Here we go. S- no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
D: He had you going there for a second.
P: C-i-n-c-i-n-n-a-t-i. [crowd cheers]
D: King of language! This is why Phil has a degree in English, okay.
P: It is.
D: He is not messing around.
P: Just for this moment.
D: Just for this exact moment right now.
P: That was my graduation.
D: Although it's actually a miracle that we're here, because our tour bus got hit by a car in the middle of the night.
P: It did! Not clickbait. We nearly died.
D: Storytime! Bus exploded and I'm dead! Well like, we were asleep and then this other car went around the corner and went like tink into it. I didn't even wake up.
P: It wasn't a tink it was more like a - boof.
D: It was like a boof. It wasn't like a crash, it was somewhere between a tink and a crash. A boof.
P: It knocked over a coffee mug in the kitchen.
D: So, high drama.
P: High drama.
D: Life or death situation. Honestly, it's a miracle that we're even here right now, so lets all be thankful okay.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if youtube didn't exist?
- a bad kindergarten teacher
P: I'd be bad - I mean, you learn things like your left and your right in kindergarten and I'm not that far yet.
D: True that. He can spell Cincinnati and nothing else. Where did all the children go? And Phil's playing on an iPad. How are they in traffic? Okay.

- his parents housecleaner
P: Oh my gosh! Thanks, Ivy. Although-
D: You did move home after university.
P: I did. My parents don't even trust me to open a bag of m&ms-
D: Exactly.
P: -without getting them all over the place.
D: So just professionally making your parents house messier.
P: Yeah.
D: I relate to that.

- an awkward stripper
P: What is an awkward stripper? You just try and take your shoe off and trip over yourself?
D: Yeah exactly, exactly. And the thing is, some people would probably buy that.
P: Gosh.

Phil's chosen answer: awkward stripper

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?
- colors darker than black
D: Yes, okay. That is correct. Only facts in this house, okay, thank you.
P: I think you would wear that.
D: Right. Whatever that is, it's the color of my soul.

- Evan Peters in speedos
D: I don't know if that exists, but I would really try to find it.

- furries with tentacles
D: Hold up. Hold the hell up. Firstly, Troy, in it with the furry joke. We've been here for like five minutes, first furry reference-
P: I saw that coming.
D: Furries with tentacles? Just had one up everyone else, didn't you?
P: I'm shocked but also not surprised.
D: As horrified - I just know that's on tumblr somewhere.

Dan's chosen answer: furries with tentacles

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?
- The Amazing Documentary is Not on Fire
D: Yes. Yes. We are that creative and original. Have you got a problem with that?
P: That is how far our talent goes.
D: That actually is what we'd call it.

- Don't Live Like Us, We're a Mess
D: Yeah, that's true. That's just the headline for my youtube channel, because my youtube channel and literally - don't do anything I ever did or said.
P: A good motto to live by.

- Shrek 5: It's Emo Time
P: What! What even is that?
D: It's the fifth [??] that literally nobody on earth wanted. What would that be? I don't know. Just like, Shrek in a Black Parade outfit just crying for two hours.
P: Yeah.
D: I relate to that spiritually.

Their chosen answer: Don't Live Like Us, We're a Mess
What's in Dan's Box?
- his old branding
- a furry
- your mum
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Thanos (Thanos would be good if he deleted cat people or people who like Hawaiian pizza)
Phil - puppies with flower crowns (sniff the flowers and bees go in you brain)
Dan - stealing your friend's cereal (Dan refuses to enable Phil.)
Phil - helping the elderly (she makes you jaywalk and you go to prison)
Dan - burning in hell (hell will have wifi)
Phil - world peace (no one will want to go into space)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: cakes
P: birthday
D: red velvet

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets a permanent sexy tan, but Dan has to wear pink forever.
D: No! No! Lorelai, you twisted monster.
P: But I could be tan! Imagine that.
D: Okay...
P: I'd like like a surfer.
D: Right. Well, I mean, you know. You could have a sexy surfer tan. But to be honest, we all love you for looking like a pasty weird rat, isn't that right everybody? You might actually have the skin tone of Voldemort, but that's what makes you special.
P: Wow.
S: Do are you honestly asking if I'd sacrifice black clothing? No, I wouldn't do that. [gets buzzed]

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets free massages for life, but Phil now grows green eyebrows.
D: So what like, at any moment I can be like - summon the massage person! Work out that kink! ... not that kind of kink. Ain't no therapist that can work those out.
P: I'd look like someone from The Hunger Games!
D: Naturally complimenting your skin color.
P: I don't... I don't want green eyebrows.
D: What - I would get free massages for life!
P: I don't care, no!
D: Are you serious? [buzzes him]
Real Conversation Time

I want to change my name legally but I don't think my grandma will let me.
P: Well first as her fellow P-name, I like Pauline quite a lot so I'm just gonna say that's a pretty name.
D: Aww... that's not the question, Phil.
P: It's not. If you want to change your name and you're old enough to legally do it-
D: To Muffin McLovin. There we go.
P: I mean it's your choice and you should do that if you want to do it.
D: Exactly. Your name is an important part of your identity, right? Like any way you express yourself or your appearance. So if you say to your grandma I just want to have a name that I feel like respect me and [??] then I think your grandma should respect that and let you go ahead if it's important to you.
P: Yeah, definitely. But I also have a technique that - if you want to get permission from a parent tell them something way worse first. So it'd be like, hey grandma, so I totally got a giant tattoo of Shrek on my back. And they'd probably be like, what??
D: Oh god! What have you done! Oh no just kidding I changed my name to Muffin McLovin. Thank god!
Is editing hard? I want to start making youtube videos but I can't even work an iphone.
P: I mean, the thing is, editing - if I can do it I think anyone can do it.
D: Wow.
P: I did go to school to learn about editing-
D: Phil literally paid for editing tips.
P: I did. But the thing is, it's quite a creative process and it's - you learn it in very small stages.
D: Yeah! So you can start off making things like Hello, Internet and eventually you'll be doing [??]. If all of the millions of regrets in my career have shown anything, it's that you could really start any skill, craft, or art or anything that you're passionate about so bad-
P: Yeah.
D: Just so bad. You can say Hi, my name is Dan - three seconds of awkward silence later there's a jumpcut! If I can move on from that, you can learn anything.
P: You can.
D: So you go out there [audience screams over him]
P: You can start with imovie and that's free, you can make some great videos using that.
I don't get how the bus works. Are there seatbelts? What if there's a sudden break?
D: Good day to ask that, are you kidding me! Okay. And the answer is: no, there's no seatbelts.
P: Honestly it's so - it's so scary.
D: It's so dangerous.
P: You'll just be making a bowl of cereal and they break and you just go flying across the room.
D: [breaking sound effect]
P: It's like being on a ship. It's so strange. You can just like, walk into the bunk like am I gonna die, am I gonna die-
D: You've got to get your bus legs otherwise you'll just be projectial vomitting everywhere.
P: Do you want to know about weird phenomena?
D: Oh yeah go on Phil, tell everybody about your weird bus phenomena.
P: Okay! Now we've been - this has been a [fumbling phrasing, implying they've been on the bus a while] bussing every night. I've started to get dizzy when I'm not on the bus because my brain is used to moving.
D: Bus lag!
P: Bus lag. If we stop like this, I feel a bit dizzy-
D: I was like, you stop and for a moment you feel like you're just going [humming noise].
P: Yeah-
D: I can- when the bus parks and turns off because I'm used to being violently thrown around. If I can get hit by a frickin' car and sleep through it, our bodies are broken now.
P: They are.
D: I will go home and just lie down and it'll be perfect and I'll need someone to just stand by me and violently shake me. So we have literally ruined our peace of minds just to come see you.
P: It's worth it to see you guys!
D: Until Phil inevitably pukes on me one day and then it won't be worth it.
Cincinnati, you guys really brought your A-game when it came to documenting this show. Thanks to philliebf, somethingwittyandmeaningful, philenabean, annabanana and one person who declined to be credited! (Also to the couple of other people who offered to send it after I realized I had enough: true heroes, all of you.)

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:53 am

St. Louis - 29 July 2018

No audio! If you have any, please drop me a message!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by autumnhearth » Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:42 am

Cleveland - 31 July 2018

Intro Banter
Dan: So Ohio how are you doing tonight? You guys good?
Dan: Or should I say O-HI-o right? Hahaha. (they both half laugh half cringe at the joke, unintelligible shaming.)
Phil: Can I just say that was some beautiful singing from everyone ? (Aw Phil, you probably tell all the audiences that.)
Dan: Somewhere [Matt?] and Gerard are quaking
Phil: They are.

Dan: First off we need to do something very important. We need to settle an issue that has been very divisive and upsetting (‘It has’) and needs to be laid to rest. Did you see Phil’s tweeting? The other- you know about something controversial, like it shouldn’t exist? I want your opinion on it, go on Phil.
Phil: I was thinking that fizzy milk should be a thing.
(Laughter and mild dissent from the audience)
Dan: Are you kidding- thank you, exactly, nooo!
Phil: I think it’d be a good thing!
Dan: What the hell is wrong with you?! (in his high pitched outraged voice)
Phil: I mean everything else is good fizzy.
Dan: ‘Everything else is good fizzy’? I don’t think that’s true Phil.
Phil: I mean think about a fizzy milkshake.
Audience: Nooo!
Dan: [You] are disgusting Phil. You just lost 2,000 subscribers.
Phil: Does anyone in the audience agree with me?’
Actual cheering
Phil: Heyyy! See? Fizzy Milk Club!
Dan: I am kink shaming you all... (too low of a mumble to make out)
Phil: Anyway!
Dan: Okay.
Phil: On Dan and Phil Shop next year: Fizzy Milk.

Phil: Anyway, I’ve been doing some Wikipedia-ing about Cleveland.
Dan: You’ve learned about the audience- what’s an interesting fact about Cleveland?
Phil: Yeah, so I learned that you guys were the first people to use electricity!
Dan: Good fact.
Cheering from audience, high pitch unintelligible comment from Dan
Phil: Which means you were the first people to get LIT.
Dan: Oh for God’s sake.
(Much laughter from audience)
Dan: Okay that and ‘we should all have fizzy milk’ is officially the worst start to any show.
Phil: (laughs) I think so, maybe. Let’s move on quickly.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What form of torture would make Phil confess everything?

- Burning plants in front of him

P: Olivia!
D: Olivia are you implying that Phil doesn’t kill the plants himself?
P: I try so hard, they’re like my children.
D: Your children are dead Phil. Trust me, those plants are already crispy, there’s no need to set them on fire.
P: No.

- Pigeon Fest FOR 10 HOURS!

P: What are you talking about? Pigeon Fest was the best thing! Wasn’t it?
(Cheering from the audience)
D: Those are the same fizzy milk freaks. [Okay] people, enjoy that. I like somehow you’re implying that FIVE HOURS wasn’t already torture. Are you kidding? You’re nearly doubling the already horrendous experience that was Pigeon Fest, sure.
P: Oh my gosh.

- Cussing on YouTube

P: I did struggle a lot with that.
D: Do you remember the video that was on my channel? Phil- that really was torture for him. Like what you didn’t see was about 17 minutes of me going like ‘Phil, like no one cares, just do it, it will be funny’.
P: And that when (unintelligible) ‘Grandad, it’s me. Don’t watch Dan’s new video, whatever you do!
D: Well Phil you did it and you survived, I’m sure you [?] would agree with that.

Phil's chosen answer: Burning plants in front of him

D: it’s funny because it’s true, they’re all dead.

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan’s browsing history

- How to be a low key furry
D: It’s been like three minutes and it’s the first furry joke (try 23 mins Dan)
P: What is a *lowkey* furry
D: It’s just like-
P: Is it just a tail?
D: -just a tail. Right.

- Pet llamas for sale
D: Oh my god (softly while laughing)
P: ‘The branding is back.
D: When I want to just do a bit of XD in my own time, I go up to my pet llama and I show it a placenta- ok so that was...
(nooos from the audience)
P: That was weird.
D: Don’t know why I went there.

- When is Nick Jonas in London?
D: What’s like the opposite of too soon? Too late!
P: I think so.
D: Let me go! Set me free from this meme!
P: You (unintelligible) will never be in the same place.
D: And now he’s engaged.
P: I know.
D: Dick is over.
P: It was not meant to be.

Dan's chosen answer: When is Nick Jonas in London? (‘Just cause apparently the pain is still so real’ (laughs)

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?

- True Story: How I [?] My Stalker
P: I feel like that’s a three part series storytime.
D: A three part? What’s the third part? Then I ate Phil. Okay. It was the vore plot twist nobody expected.
P: Oh my god. Stop.

- Dan and Phil: What Went Wrong?
D: Literally, it started off wrong and just continued getting wronger the whole time.’
P: What didn’t go wrong?
D: That should [?] right?

- Two Bro’s Chillin’ On a Sofa
D: Two feet apart because they’re stuck in the sofa crease. They haven’t moved for days.
P: Oh my god.
D: They can’t remember the last time they saw sunlight. Somebody intervene and help these nerds, okay.
P: That would be way too long to be a vine.
D: Definitely.

Their chosen answer: True Story: How I [?] My Stalker
D: Just because it’s so true.
What's in Dan's Box?
-A mini fur suit for a gerbil

D: A fursuit *for* a gerbil
P: A gerbil fursuit
D: So not only do you think that I have my own fursuit, there’s one- is that like a weird fan fiction reference or something?
P: Oh my gosh. I don’t know.
D: A gerbil already has it’s own fursuit.
P: I know. It’s a double furry furry.
D: Wow that would be so [sin/sick?] to be a double furry. A fursuit for a gerbil, very creative.

-The dog (from the quiz)

P: The dog
D&P: Patch!
P: Patch the dog!
D: You think that Patch the dog is in this box?!
P: Patch! (high pitched)
D: Oh my god! Patch! (shrieking and cracking up at the same time)
P: There’s no air holes!
D: Patch is dead. Patch is dead af. Patch is crispy like Phil’s houseplants.

-Extra kneecaps

D: Wowww! Thank you! Just in case I free the knee too hard and injure my knees-
P: That’s something you need.
D: -I have some extra kneecaps.
P: Yeah! Alright!
D: Very creative annnswerrrs.
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Moths flying into your face

D: Peyton you know I literally hate moths! Why would you say that? Okay um, moths flying into your face is a good thing...
P: because?
D: because it is God’s way of telling you that you’re a little nerd who needs to get off the computer! Right, imagine this: you’re awake at 3am you’ve been browsing some weird stuff on Wattpad and you know that you should probably go to bed, all the while the screen is set to full brightness melting your retinas, God’s like ‘this person shouldn’t do this my child’, sends in a moth, what does the moth do? Flys straight towards the light. So there you are in the moment (exaggerated swatting sound effects) what the hell is going- and that is why moths are a good thing, because they’re saving you from burning your retinas out.”
P: What?! (squeaky)
D: Right guys?
P: I feel more disturbed than happy.
D: They cheered, I’m taking it.
P: Okay, have it.
D: I mean I’m really questioning (unintelligible) too many people related to that.

Phil - Why are fresh baked cookies a bad thing?
D: Go.
P: Oh, I mean, ok, fresh baked cookies could be terrible because who made the cookies? What if it was a creepy Girl Scout that actually wants you dead? So you buy the box of cookies and what you’re actually about to eat is filled with tiny knives. Then you bite into it and then you die!
D: (who has been laughing like a hyena) So freshly baked cookies are bad in case their filled with tiny knives.
P: Yeah.
D: Do you want to give him that?
(Audience cheers)
D: Really?
P: Wooo!
D: I mean I guess eating thousands of tiny knives would be a bad thing, sure. It’s very disturbing, like your creativity.

Dan - Eating Tidepods
D: (laughs) Oh god! You know what? I know why eating Tidepods are a good thing.
P: Why?
D: Because it kills all the stupid people.
(Audience cheering)
D: (unintelligible) enjoying a meme, and then somebody has to go and- forbidden snacks aren’t supposed to be actually eaten! Most people are like ‘forbidden snack carving knife’ it’s not actually ‘eat a knife challenge’ ok? And honestly if somebody goes on the Internet and can’t tell the difference between what’s a joke and what isn’t a joke they should just die (a painful death?) Isn’t that right everybody?
(Audience cheers)
P: I’ll give you that one.
D: (cheering is too loud to make out but he said something about being mean or a horrible person)

Phil - Getting a bonus McNugget in a 10 piece
D: (laughs) that’s so specific
P: I mean, a bonus McNugget in a 10 pc, it might seem like a good thing, but I’d be suspicious, like why is it there? How did it get there? What if worker who works there wants you dead? And it’s actually filled with TINY KNIVES!
(Audience cheering for a long time, Dan gives Phil the point while grumbling ‘seriously?’)
P: Woo! Yeeee!
(Audience does a little yee!)
D: Whatever. Whatever the next thing is, you are not allowed to say it’s filled with tiny knives, okay? Right.

Dan - Stealing your friend’s food
D: (unintelligible grumbling as the audience laughs)
P: It’s good!
D: Oh is it Phil? Do you expect me to enable cereal stealing Makayla? Is that’s what’s happening? You want me stand here in front of an audience and say something that will make Phil feel like this disgusting stealing klepto behavior is okay? Yeah well, (walks off the stage)
P: Oh! No. (makes a ahn sound and hits the buzzer) Oh Dan-
D: What do you want from me?! NOOO!
P: Dan-
P: Dan.
D: I’m not playing by your rules. What?
P: As my grandma would say, I’m a growing boy.
D: Phil will be 9 foot tall the next time the he comes on tour.

Phil - A plane full of puppies
P: Ok! So you’re on a plane, it’s filled with puppies, you think it’s great, then you look into their paws of the puppies and you can see they’re holding tiny knives!
D: Seriously? That’s seriously what you’re going to say?
P: Ok, right. Imagine there’s a plane filled with puppies but there’s no pilot! Soo... the puppies are trying to fly the plane and they can’t! And you’re crashing into the ocean, and the last thing you see is a puppy’s face.
D: Ok woah woah woah, wait a minute, wait a minute! Who here would want the last thing they see to be a puppy’s face?
(audience cheers)
D: No. No. No. (buzzes Phil)
P: Dan-
D: Crashing into the ocean with a thousand puppies would be an amazing way to die. Can you believe? That’s how I want to go out. No feeling sweeter than being smothered by a puppy, I will give you my (unintelligible).
P: Oh my god.
D: Okay! Well I feel like that’s a good time to stop this before we get arrested.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - category: The Top Dan Memes of 2017
D: Ooo that’s a long ass video.
P: That was.
D: A lot to choose from. Phil, I’m thinking- it’s a good one, it’s relevant, it’s really solid- I’m beaming it to you.
P: I’m beaming it to you.

Phil: Dan in the Bahamas
Dan: Wholesome Howell

D: OW! What the hell did you just say?!
P: Dan in the Bahamas!
D: We literally just did an entire segment on Wholesome Howell!
P: Buh!
D:Buh!? The Bahamas? Where did that come from?
P: Your mum’s in the Bahamas!
D: What does that even mean?!
P: I don’t know.
D: Ok.
P: I tried.
D: You tried Phil? Ok, well that’s just how this is going to go.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
First image looks like skin, Phil’s too pale for it to be him so Phil guesses Dan but it’s a rat (actually I think it was the arm of the person holding the rat).
Second image is just yellow. Dan wonders if it’s himself in his yellow shirt, Phil in the cheese costume or a rat with cheese. He guesses the rat and is right, kind of, the rat is just surrounded by yellow. Point to Dan.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is about to fall into a pool of cheese (ok let’s not imagine the scenario let’s just go with it) but to save him Dan has to throw his laptop in too.

D: Ok, uhhh...
P: Dan!
D: That would be the thing I care about most in this world, you’re asking me to sacrifice it.
P: I don’t like cheese!
D: Well are you going to die in the pool of cheese or are you just going to smell really bad for a week?
P: Imagine if I fell into a big pool of cheese-
D: Just drink it, you’ll be fine.
P: Ohhh!
D: Ooo. Are you seriously asking if I would throw my laptop into a pool-
P: Yesss.
D: -just to save you from a pool of cheese? NOO! Are you freaking kidding me-
P: Bad friend! (Phil zaps Dan)
D: -the- woo a hoo! wah how ooh! Ok. (unintelligible) shaming zone apparently.
P: That sounded like sounded like a monkey mating.
D: That- (audience laughter) trust me, Phil knows what that sounds like.

Phil's dilemma: A large swan is about to attack Dan, (the most terrifying beasts, they’re pretty scary, this is high stakes) but to save him you have to shave your head.

P: What?!
D: Ok so I just ... throw my laptop in ... die. What is the scenario in which shaving your head, saves me from a swan?
P: Maybe it would scare the swan.
D: Maybe they just he like ‘OWK!’ and then (too much audience laughter)
P: Listen, I don’t think a swan is going to kill you...
D: It could break my arm
P: It might just peck you a bit...
D: And what, you’re not willing to shave-
P: I just got the quiff!
D: Who here thinks that Phil would look *beautiful* with a shaved head?
(a few cheers)
D: Some of you are like ‘woo!’, some of you are like ‘ehhn!’
P: I’m not going to do it. Let the swan-
D: Are you serious?! No! (zaps Phil)
D&P: Ooo! Oo... Ooo... Oo. (back and forth)
D: What?
P: It’s fizzy
D: It’s fizzy now is it? I think Phil’s enjoying it, bit too much if you ask me.Dan: 29 Phil: 28
Real Conversation Time

I want to visit London. Is it like Sherlock? When is the best season?
D: Awww
P: Oo I mean it is a bit like Sherlock-
D: Oh, ok...
P: It’s got Sherlock vibes!
D: Yes just a bit more crime and rain. And less homoerotic tension.
P: Yep. There’s still quite a few red telephones boxes, so you can get the London experience.
D: Although people do pee in those. Oh it’s a TARDIS do you wanna go and take a selfie?
P: Nnnoo
D: That’s the real London experience.
P: I’d say a nice time to go to London... I’d say probably around May...
D: That is a very specific time
P: No, listen (and Dan does, he listens so intently to Phil talk about London in May as if Phil is painting a beautiful landscape of a city park)
P: It’s not like a summer holiday so it’s not really like filled with tourists.
D: So you’re not sweaty.
P: It’s like five million degrees there right now.
D: Yeahhh. You could wear a scarf and be like yeah I’m doing London right now.
P: In winter you might have this romantic view that oh it’s going to be snowing, I’ll see frozen (lakes/lanes?)
D: Yeahhh
D&P: It’s just rainy and cold
D: It will be moist and sad...
P: So enjoy-
D: (mumbles) dry and sad
P: Enjoy your trip to London, I hope you see Benedict Cumberbatch when you’re there.
D: Yes.
Are there any differences between filming a gaming and a main channel video, do prefer either?
D: Yesss
P: Oo! I think there are differences, um-
D: Less of a existential crisis while filming The Sims.
P: Maybe.
D: Haha. Sometimes.
P: I think with a gaming video there’s more that could go wrong because your capturing from a video game.
D: Yes. There’s like a 50% chance that it will just break halfway through, be like great
P: Or the game won’t load, or something will go wrong, [most of the issues of?] us actually reacting/playing the game.
D: You say that but filming a video on my channel there’s a 50% chance that I will break.
P: True
D: So I don’t know how true that is.
P: Um, I quite like making both of them though
D: I mean the reason we started the gaming channel was because we spend all our evenings playing video games
P: Yeah
D: So we’d just like ‘why aren’t we filming this?’
P: I think that’s fun
P: It is fun. They’re both fun, but they’re both full of...
D: All or nothing’s and Dan vs Phil but that’s fine, (unintelligible) and it’s UNFAIR!
P: It’s the most important part!
D: Is it? What, you ruining our friendship? (Phil giggles) Okay.
Do you have advice for moving in with a roommate for the first time? (Ooo) I don’t want the to hate me.
D: Wow. Ummmmm...
P: Borrow their cereal at any opportunity.
D: mmmm.... I’ve never not lived with someone who I don’t hate, so I can’t really relate to that
(Ohhhh’s from Phil and the audience)
P: I’d say that before you actually do like move in together you should probably have a chat-
D: Stalk them the Internet for at least six months
(Screaming from the audience)
D: if you find out they horrendous or completely awful then it’s kinda ok.
P: Well I think you should just have a chat with them and be like.. what do you wanna... do... like are you secretly a furry? Am I secretly a furry?
D: You need to get some common (unintelligible) Are we both secretly furries? Is this a thing now? You just need to get it out of the way. But honestly as long as you say like ‘let me know if I ever do anything that actually annoys you’, because if someone like leaves their socks in the corner and that ruins your life, you need to communicate-
P: Ok we need to-
D: Otherwise you’ll just strangle them with a sock in the night and that is worse than confronting them-
P: You don’t want to bottle this stuff up. Maybe when they’re arrive just like bake them a cake or something
D: (let’s out a huff of laughter) When did you ever make me a cake?! Ok that’s it, [bad friend (unintelligible) that’s our (unintelligible) relationship?] right there.
P: Right.
D: But you didn’t get me a cake!
P: I got you some Dominos pizza, like what do you want?
D: (unintelligible)
P: Uhhhhhnnn
Audio provided by autumnhearth!

janice from the shop
Posts: 531
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 6:28 pm

Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by whatdoiknow » Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:43 am

Columbus - 1 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: Can I just say - alright here we go -
P: We heard it was a thing.
D: How are you doing? We're so happy to be in O H [audience responds with I O]
P: Yay! It is a thing! We were scared it wasn't.
D: What the hell is that about?
P: I wanna try it. O H [audience responds with I O]. Wow, I feel so powerful.
D: I feel like I had a moment, and then you took my moment -
P: I took your moment.
D: And you made it louder.
P: Well -
D: I don't know what it's like to be passionate about the place that I'm based in, so that's great. It's like, London, it's fine. It's like it rains a lot. It's like, there's pigeons and stuff. There's crime. Like sure.
P: Well speaking of exciting things, Dan had a very exciting day today -
D: Look, shut up, alright. Okay, so -
P: [laughs] Dan had -
D: I ordered a taco salad, right, and I had this whole dilemma, because there was an option - if you don't know what a taco salad, you know when it comes in the bowl -
P: That is a taco -
D: Yeah, right. And then there was an option that said 'tortilla strips'. And I was like, I'm confused here. Because surely the whole thing is already like full of the tortilla. And then I was like, so if I add it does that mean that then it will be in the bowl, or what, will there be extra? I'm so confused -
P: Let's pause here.
D: What?
P: It arrived. And imagine a salad, but all of the leaves are just tortilla chips.
D: It was just -
P: That is not a salad.
D: It was already a bowl, and then they'd emptied an entire packet of Doritos on it. Which was a good thing, to be honest. But then I was like, right this isn't a salad. It's a bowl of nachos that has some lettuce on it.
P: You tried.
D: I've had so much carbs. I'm really living my truth today.
P: Dan is very zazzed off that.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?

- sneaky cereal stealing
P: Now that is a sport I could get into.
D: The only talent Phil has - secretly stealing breakfast from his friends.
P: Dan, I'm a growing boy. I need that cereal.
D: He's already a giraffe. What would happen if he kept growing?

- accidental innuendo dropping
D: That is true.
P: I can't help it. There's no filter between my brain and my mouth.
D: There's no Phil-ter [fake laugh] [?] He will drop absolute filth this evening, and he doesn't intend to do it.
P: Or... Philth. [laughs] Yeah? Cause I'm Phil.
D: Leave the stage. Immediately vacate.

- voldemort lookalike contest
P: I'm not that pale!
D: He kind of is that pale. You know how Voldemort's so pale he's kind of green and reptilian?
P: Oh my gosh.
D: You know what I mean, I'm just saying.
P: Dan.
D: Like, Phil needs to wear SPF 100 just to stand under this spotlight.
P: I do. It's a real danger. I'll abracadabra you if you don't shut up.
D: Oooh! Okay. Steven's problem, don't come for me. It's your fans that you hate!

Phil's chosen answer: voldemort lookalike contest

Dan's question: What form of torture would make Dan confess everything?

- any social interaction
D: Where is the lie?
P: There is no lie.
D: 'Get me the [?] codes!' 'No, there is nothing. I'll never give it up.' Person walks into the room, 'hi.' 'Ahhhh! Please no!'

- straightening his hair
D: For god's sake. No! Don't make me go back!
P: Oh my gosh.
D: That's true.
P: It would be so weird to see you with straight hair.
D: Other things that work - holding a picture of Delia Smith cookbook in front of me, suggesting that I eat a placenta. I mean, there's various things that would be the same effect. Hair straighteners is one of them.
P: Rub a llama on your face.

- Hello Internet on repeat
D: Wow. Is there literally any chance I could do a show without Hello Internet - why is everybody square bracketing me? No stop! Everybody going like this [motions] at me, I will find you and block you after this, okay.
P: They're just like, 'give me the nuclear codes'. 'Hi, my name is [dan].'
D: I was gonna say, 'I didn't sign up for this', but I literally did.

Dan's chosen answer: Hello Internet on repeat

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?

- falling off the stage
D: Yep. I mean, there's like a 50% chance of that happening.
P: This is a dangerously high one as well, I mean -
D: Exactly. I mean, why would you even joke about -
P: Save me.
D: Save me? [addressing audience] You wouldn't be able to catch him, you would instantly die. And so would you. You guys, you're in the Shamu Splash Zone right now. You're either gonna be crushed by him, or gleeked on, and that's not a good thing.

- browsing the internet and forgetting to eat
P: The sofa crease is very strong.
D: Have you ever just spent so long browsing that you've encrusted the material that you're sitting on.
P: Don't say crusted.
D: I'm only telling the truth. Only facts in this house, people. It's gonna happen.

- together
[audience aww's]
P: I mean, I feel like -
D: But what does that mean?!
P: Well, you know like, in spooky week, you're falling off the chair - Dan grabs to pull me down with him!
D: Yes, Dan falls off a chair, drags Phil down with him, both instantly die. That could happen. There's something really sinister about that though. Carly's just like [deep scary voice] together. Carly has a plan, okay.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: Carly, where are you in the audience right now?
P: I'm scared. Security.

Their chosen answer: falling off the stage
What's in Dan's Box?

- dead rats
- an anime body pillow [D: Because, trust me, when I'm done with that body pillow, it needs to be where I keep the dead rats.
P: Oh my gosh, Dan.]
- secret slime collection [D: Why is it a secret slime collection? I don't know what I'm doing with this slime -
P: Oh my gosh.
D: But I'll do it at the same time as whatever I'm doing with this anime body pillow.]
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - slow internet connection (makes you appreciate what you see on the internet)
Phil - flower crowns (you sniff into the flower crown, and then beetles crawl into your nose)
Dan - eating placenta (it's the most wonderfully nutritous thing in the world)
Phil - stage diving (if phil stage dived, he would just die and the show would end right then)
Dan - being burned alive (a scenario where this would be a good thing - in 2006 when he makes his youtube username)
Phil - infinite chocolate (what if it melts and starts filling the theatre and then you die)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: types of steak
P: a mistake
D: ribeye

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it right)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets super strength, but Dan's arms are now half the size.
P: Like a T-rex.
D: [laughs] No, like half the width. Strength wise, half the size. So I would really be living that dinosaur onesie fantasy whether I like it or not. I literally became a danosaur.
P: Imagine there's like a giant car on a kitten, I could just be like, here you go.
D: Yeah, and then you pick up the kitten, you'd be like [pretends to drop it?] whoops, okay. This is Phil we're talking about. Are you honestly saying would I make this trade?
P: Yes.
D: Honestly? No! Are you kidding me?
P: Bad friend. [shocks dan]

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets to be in the next Avengers movie, but Phil has hiccups every day.
P: I'm one of those people that gets hiccups at least once a week.
D: So, this wouldn't change his lifestyle at all.
P: No! Not every day, and it annoys you as well.
D: But, it's easy to stop. You can just, you know, I'll just jump out at you violently once a day, which would be really fun, and then it would be a good thing.
P: Look, I'm sorry -
D: I think you should go for this.
P: No, I don't wanna do it!
D: Are you serious? No! [shocks phil]
Real Conversation Time

Did you guys play any sport at school? You would be great at basketball because you're so tall.
D: Okay. The height, yes. The ball wrangling skills, no.
P: I mean, you saw me trying to catch those balls. I was not very good.
D: That wouldn't be a thing.
P: No. But, I was the fourth best person at the long jump in athletics.
D: [laughs]
P: Cause my crazy long legs.
D: You were the fourth - in what, your year?
P: Yeah, in my year.
D: Wow. The fourth best person in his grade at long jump. That is impressive.
P: That was good. But I actually quite liked the athletics stuff, you know the non-competition-y things.
D: Yes, yes.
P: I enjoyed those a lot more than like football, which I tried to avoid.
D: Fair enough.
P: Yeah, what about you?
D: My best athletic achievement was faking illness and just sitting in the corner listening to My Chemical Romance. [crowd cheers] I'm serious. It got to a point in like 9th grade, where the teachers just stopped caring, and all the emo kids used to sit in the corner just being like, 'I straightened my hair so I don't want to get sweaty, and um, yeah I broke my foot, it's not better by now'. And the gym teacher was just like, 'these children are lost. they're just doing [?]'. Join the black parade, Mr. Rogers! Stop judging me! [crowd cheers] That's the truth, right there.
Hey D&P, tell us about your last dreams, in spicy detail.
D: Okay, right well, mine is really not what you're imagining, okay. I have this dream, like twice a year, and it's so ridiculous. I have a dream where a bee just flies into my ear. Has anyone else experienced this? Literally like, I'm just in bed, and just like a five second dream, la da da in a meadow, but all of a sudden this bee just [buzzing sound] and then I feel this really loud buzzing, and then I freak out, and I just wake up going 'Ahhhh!'. Literally a six second dream - it's like a vine, as a dream. And I'm literally, I'm awake in bed going 'brain, what the hell is wrong with you?'. Like, you channeled all that subconscious energy to give me a six second dream where a bee flies into my ear? But honestly, all the time.
P: Last night, on the bus, Dan was telling me horrible conspiracy theories about mountains and caves -
D: I was.
P: So then I went to bed and I dreamt that I was lost in the Arctic, and then I went to a mountain and I found a hole that was really deep and it went all the way to the center of the earth, and I tripped over my own feet and I fell into it.
D: This is why, right now you are risking your life, Phil.
P: I know.
D: Your brain is trying to warn you somehow.
P: It is. So I woke up, like [deep inhale]. But I was okay. I wasn't falling into the center of the earth.
D: He's okay for now, but he might still fall off the stage, we'll see what happens when he tries to stand up.
P: But Dream Phil is very spicy now, cause he's gotten all the way to the middle of the earth.
D: Yeah, wow, too soon.
I can't stop thinking about all the cringe things I did five years ago. How do you learn to live with regrets? Soz lol.
D: [laughs] Wow. Relatable, Toni.
P: I think anything like that, if you did something cringe in the past, it's all character development of who you've become today.
D: Exactly!
P: So it's a good thing.
D: Exactly. Every mistake you've ever made in your life is, yes a big cringe attack waiting to happen when you're trying to close your eyes at night, but it's a learning experience. Everything you ever do that goes horribly wrong makes you a better person in the future. Just look at me - I have made so many mistakes. I have so many regrets. But if I didn't, I wouldn't be sat here right now.
P: Aww.
D: So I love every cringe memory that I've ever had, cause it put me here today. [crowd cheering] Like half the time. Yeah, sure, that's what I'd say.
P: Wow, Dan, I think Wholesome Howell is leaking.
D: Oh my god, okay. Well, clearly this is a good time to stop.
Thanks to itssomethingalittledifferent for providing show audio!

janice from the shop
Posts: 531
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 6:28 pm

Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by whatdoiknow » Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:48 pm

Louisville - 2 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: So, Louisville, are you having a good night? [cheers] I say night like it’s not frickin’ daytime right now. Good evening, in the sun.
P: In the sunlight.
D: In the sunshine.
P: Yeah, so this is a very big deal for us.
D: This is a life-changing big day, once in a lifetime, this never happens [rambling incoherently] for one main reason.
P: Because Dan and Phil are actually outside! [cheers]
D: Look, we thought that we were going to be in the theater, but then we were changed to this one and then we arrive and then there’s no wall. [laughter] We’re like, excuse me, okay, like, if you’re telling me that I’m going to be somewhere that’s technically outside, I need at least three months to prepare emotionally.
P: To prepare – yeah.
D: [rambles] Okay, this is not natural for me, I’m not used –
P: No.
D: – to this situation.
P: But listen, if anyone sees a moth fly near Dan –
D: No – don’t – don’t do anything.
P: Don’t mention it.
D: If you see an insect of any variety approach me [incoherent] I will get on the bus and I will drive back to England, okay? [laughter] Simply no wildlife allowed.
P: And don’t mention them, because then it’d just be the Phil show, which would not be – would not be right. [cheers]
D: Also – a couple of things, one – Phil – you totally got your legs out.
P: I got my knees out! [very enthusiastic cheers]
D: There’s free-the-knee and then there’s garish sexuality. [laughter] This show is now PG-13.
P: (amused) It is. Yeah.
D: No one is used to seeing legs that pale –
P: I know!
D: They’re so white.
P: Sorry if they reflect into your eyes.
D: It’s like, we have a spotlight on us but then so do you because of the reflection off his shins.
P: Thanks, Dan.
D: And also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s literally a frickin’ hole right there [audio feedback as he approaches edge of stage]
P: Oh gosh. That is – that is deep.
D: So usually it’s like, haha, what would happen if Phil tripped over, oh, like, he’d fall on one of you, no, he’d just die.
P: Yeah.
D: So I hope you’re ready, because there’s a fifty percent chance that you will get to see the live death of Phil Lester. [cheers]
P: Ayy.
D: You don’t get that inside.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if Youtube didn't exist?

- a bad weatherman
P: That was always my childhood dream.
D: Childhood dream?!
P: Yeah.
D: I mean, you kind of would be a terrible weatherman.
P: I don't know my lefts and rights.
D: That's not helpful when you're [?] weather. 'Where is the hurricane?' 'It's over there.' Everybody died, okay. That is what would happen.
P: It would.

- potentially dangerous teacher
P: Why am I dangerous?!
D: Potentially -
P: Hey!
D: It's like, you might not notice that somebody's running with scissors, and then whoops, you know.
P: Maybe. I mean, I thought my slime tutorial was pretty great, so -
D: Yeah. [crowd cheers] [?]
P: The class of slime!
D: Yeah, see this is what we're talking about.

- professional plant killer
D: Trust me, Phil has the credentials to be a professional plant killer.
P: My children!
D: Your children are dead, Phil.
P: I try so hard.
D: You try, to be fair. [loki the cactus joke] (I thought I was somehow going to get through the transcripts without hearing this joke, but apparently Dan decided he was torturing alittledizzy too much, and needed to spread the pain)

Phil's chosen answer: professional plant killer

Dan's question: What does Dan dream about at night?

- furries and moths
D: We've been here for like 4 and a half minutes, our first furry joke. Wow.
P: Dan, what if it is a furry that is a moth?
D: That is literally the opposite of what I'm into, right there. A 6 foot 8 man dressed as a giant moth running at me, I'd probably just instantly die. But somewhere [?] somebody's into that, so let's not kinkshame.

- aliens impregnating him
D: I think we need to establish right here - are we saying this is a good dream or a bad dream?
P: I don't know.
D: Cause it's two very different scenarios right here. One is a [?] nightmare that makes complete sense, and the other one is a weird corner of wattpad that none of us is gonna pretend exist.
P: You could be like Dil and get man pregnant.
D: Yes, and then the Dan and Phil mpreg fanfic that everyone's [crowd cheering/laughing over him]

- the sweet release of death
P: Oh my gosh. [?]
D: That's so true. Wow, well in this moment that has literally never been more accurate.

Dan's chosen answer: the sweet release of death

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?

- pure embarrassment
P: Wow. What is the scent of pure -
D: What is the smell? Just like a bit sweaty, you know what I mean, and then also like [?] in your hands. Or something like that.
P: I think that's what it would be.

- eau de melapples
D: See, that would actually smell nice. Not like pure embarrassment, pure embarrassment is just like pooing yourself.
P: Let's not think about it too much.
D: Eau de melapples, you buy it once, and then it just goes missing. What a waste of money.

- lady door noir
D: Nice, nice reference to lady door, okay, there it is. This is a perfume, what the hell are you trying to say right now? Secondly, what??

Their chosen answer: pure embarrassment
What's in Dan's Box?

- a dog
- weird fanfiction
- a rat
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - emo hair (the past cringe times are a journey to make us who we are today)
Phil - a warm breeze (you open your eyes and you're looking into a mouth of a hippo, and then you die)
Dan - going to hell (the things you have to do to go to hell involve the internet, so there's no wifi in heaven but there is in hell)
Phil - a cute children's choir (you open your eyes and it's a choir of aliens)
Dan - killing your best friend (it's a great thing when they steal your cereal)
Phil - world peace (if the world was so peaceful, then aliens would think it was a nice place to live, and they'd come and eat everyone's face)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: kpop groups

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is trapped in the Hunger Games, but Dan has to switch places to save him.
P: Dan.
D: What?
P: Are you gonna go in the arena for me?
D: Are we - how serious are we taking this?
P: This is a real situation.
D: Okay, well Phil, I need to ask you - would you want me to replace you?
P: What do you mean? You can't ask me that. This is your dilemma.
D: I'm just asking if - putting it on me, fine.
P: [sings the hunger games whistle]
D: Okay, after that, Phil is Philadeen. She's quaking in her [?]
P: Okay, well what then?
D: Um, honestly, I couldn't bear to watch you accidentally kill seven people by tripping over them or something so -
P: So you would do it!
D: I would do it! I would do it for you -
P: Awww. [crowd cheers]
D: You know, I'm waiting for death anyway, so that would work out.

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets a magical puppy that never poops, but Phil slightly smells of poo for the rest of his life.
P: Dan, there's only so much Eau de Lady Door can cover up.
D: Oh god, okay. Phil, excuse me, it was the lady door noir.
P: How could I forget?
D: You'd be the person [?]. But no it wouldn't cover you up.
P: I'm sorry, I can't smell of poo for the rest of my life.
D: Are you denying me a dog -
P: Yes.
D: No, bad friend! [shocks Phil]
Real Conversation Time

Do you guys like American food? What's your fav?
D: You mean the land where everything's fried? Yes! [crowd cheers]
P: We tried our first s'mores today.
D: Literally. This is how depraved European culture is. In 2018, we just had our first ever s'more.
P: How have I gone my whole life without that delicious treat?
D: You know how like, they're not like the best thing ever. They kind of are at the same time. [crowd cheers] I was like, what is it? And they were like, it's just some cracker and some chocolate and marshmallow, and I was like whatever, then stuck it in my mouth. I literally transcended to another dimension.
P: I think mine was still on fire when I put it in my mouth, which hurt my tongue, but it was really good.
D: Phil is not on fire with the s'mores.
P: Also, my parents are obsessed with Bahama Breeze. I don't know why, so I go there a lot with my parents as well.
D: Wow, so come for the s'mores and the [?] Hawaiian chain restaurants. Okay, we love America.
P: Yass!
My family is moving to Seattle and I'm sad because I'll have no friends lmao. How do I cope?
D: [laughs] 'I'm like sad cause I'm moving out of town and I'll have no friends, lmao.'
P: I mean first of all, don't worry about it too much [?]. But also, now in this day and age, you can still contact all of your friends that still live back home.
D: You can just make new friends on the internet! [crowd cheers] You can still facetime your old friends, you can stalk them on facebook and instagram. There's no reason why you can lose contact with them.
P: But also, when anyone starts at a new school, or a new place of work, new college, whatever it is, you are the most exciting thing to happen to that place anyway.
D: No pressure.
P: So if you talk to some people on your first day and you say, 'hey I'm [person's name] and I'm new', they're not gonna be like 'ugh weirdo.'
D: They're gonna be like 'new person that's nice?'
P: New person that's nice!
D: 'In school?! What is this about?' But honestly, if you move to a new place, or like you go to a new job or go to college, it's an opportunity to like completely re-brand yourself. And not even in like a funny, silly way, but honestly like every single time you meet a new group of people, you can just live your truth. If you've always wanted to like shave your hair, and you don't want your friends to judge you, if you're going to college, you can just be like 'okay I'm shaving my hair, tattoo of shrek on my left cheek. This is me living my truth!' So actually, you know, combined with internet friends and an opportunity for a new start, I think it's a good thing.
P: I think it's a good thing. So good luck in Seattle.
D: Good luck!
P: I do like Seattle as well, so that'll be nice.
Any advice for someone starting an animation channel on Youtube? I don't want to suck at everything.
D: [laughs]
P: I mean, I'd say, first of all, if that's your dream and that's something you wanna do, you should totally go for it.
D: Exactly.
P: Yeah. And everyone's first video is a bit dodgy, like that's fine.
D: Okay, yeah, Phil don't bring up first videos, are you kidding me, right. [crowd cheers] Yeah yeah, okay, you're all thinking about Hello Internet right now. Look, look. Everyone going like this [square brackets] at me right now, I'm gonna find you and block you. Okay seriously, like what I said before about the emo hair, what my Hello Internet video shows you is that you can literally be so bad.
P: Yeah.
D: And you can still grow to literally anything else. So, you know what, don't be scared. If you, any of you here, have a passion in life that you want to pursue but you're afraid to do it in case you fail, you have to try.
P: You do!
D: Because, the only thing that's gonna happen is you get better, and you know, you're never gonna live your life and then think 'oh, I wish I never did that, but I made the right decisions'. You have to go for it, no regrets, okay.
P: Yeah!
D: Because if I just uploaded Hello Internet and went 'well that was terrible', I wouldn't be here right now.
P: Exactly!
D: So you go for that [crowd cheering over him] Wholesome Howell is leaking.
P: Oh my gosh.
Thanks to itssomethingalittledifferent for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:03 am

Nashville - 3 August 2018

No audio! If you have some, let me know. :)

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:04 am

Atlanta - 4 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: We are so happy to be here right now. We are living the full Arabian Nights fantasy.
P: We are!
D: I'm [??] Aladdin roleplay.
P: Exactly.
D: Have you looked at the ceiling?
P: I know! Dan, this night is the closest we've come to going outside in a long time.
D: That is so true.
P: It is.
D: We should just paint our ceiling blue, then we'd be like - yeah we get vitamin d, and what?
P: Yeah. So we thought that instead of just doing the show tonight, we could do a full two hour rendition of Aladdin?
D: Yes! Kick us off, Phil?
P: You actually want me to do it?
D: Yes!
P: [singing] Soaring, tumbling, free wheeling through an endless diamong sky-
D: [singing] a whole new world- literally, nobody wants that. If you think you want that, there is something horribly wrong with you.
P: No one needs that in their lives.
D: Seek urgent medical attention if you think that would be a good thing.
P: I feel like this futuristic set is clashing slightly with the decor.
D: Slightly.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: If he started a religion, what would it be called?
- The Plant Hoes
[no loki but lbr you know how this answer goes anyway]

- The Philluminati
P: I like that one!
D: Yes, definitely. Do you just have to dress in a green triangle every day and never have cheese, that's what you do?

- The Cereal Stealers Anonymous
D: Finally an accurate answer, okay. The cult for kleptos that can't steal their friends breakfast.
P: People get sad about me stealing cereal, but as my grandma would say - I'm a growing boy. I need it.
D: You better not be growing, you'll be an actual giraffe by this time next year.

Phil's chosen answer: The philluminati

Dan's question: What imaginary sport would Dan get a medal in?
- stalking youtube celebrities
D: Oh, oh? What's the matter, Rachel? Yeah, if that was a sport, I would have the Olympic record.
P: You would.
D: Are you mad? Honestly. This is one of those videos - it's a tutorial.

- existential planking
D: That is an exercise-
P: It is.
D: -that I have mastered.
P: Yeah.
D: The art of laying completely still for days at a time. Honestly.
P: If you just lifted your arms a bit you'd do pushups.
D: Exa- can you just lift my arms for me?
P: I don't think that counts.

- serotonin deficiency
P: Milo!
D: Really, Milo? Real- okay, I see. We are, we are getting [??] up in here today.
P: I feel like you can blame tomska slightly for that as well.
D: Only facts in this house.

Dan's chosen answer: serotonin deficiency

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?
- attempting to exercise
D: Actually, you know what that is? The Yoga Challenge two. That's how we die.
P: That would be terrible.
D: People leaving comments like, please do yoga challenge again and then we'll try it and instant death.
P: I mean I almost chopped your head off when it was like-
D: You did. That was not a good kind of choking experience.

- burning the house down baking
P: That is totally how - the next baking video might be the end of us.
D: Are you surprised we haven't set fire to our house already baking on youtube? It's inevitable. I mean, meringues - if Gordon roasts us again I think I'll set on fire through the laptop.

- not leaving the couch for three days.
D: Yes.
P: Might be most likely, you know.
D: You know when you get into a really good tumblr scroll and then you forget to sleep and there you are crusted to the couch three days later and you're dead.
P: Also the crease just gets so deep we just can't get out.
D: [??] crevasse and you just get eating

Their chosen answer: attempting to exercise
What's in Dan's Box?
- Dan's non-existent friends
- the password to his phil stan account (D: Yes, because I'm actually called @philsthiccbooty on twitter.)
-his slothbear fursuit
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - eating popcorn kernels (brown crunchy balls of joy)
Phil - scented candles (strong cheese or sewage scent; beetles eat your face)
Dan - taking candy from a baby (oral hygiene is important)f
Phil - a field of flowers (bees sting your brain)
Dan - Thanos (gets rid of cat people)
Phil - infinite pizza (drown in cheese)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: ugly old memes
P: guacamole
D: [??]

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it right)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets infinite candy, but Dan has to cut off his own finger.
D: Okay - what? On what level is that even, are you kidding me?
P: But I could have an entire swimming pool filled with Haribo.
D: That is what he'd do with infinite candy, okay. Wouldn't go out making children happy - he'd swim in it, that's his answer.
P: Are you not gonna give it to me?
D: Are you honestly asking me if I'd chop my finger off-
P: You don't need all your fingers. You've got ten.
D: No! There's no way I'm doing that, are you freaking kidding me!
P: [buzzes him]

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets to play with a puppy for a week, but Phil has to eat a block of cheese.
P: No!
D: I love how the last one was cutting a finger off and this one is so hilariously low stakes. Come on.
P: I wish I liked cheese - but what if the cheese was like this big?
D: People- Who here would just eat a block of cheese every day?
P: Oh my gosh.
D: If you do that, you're gonna have to have [??], okay.
P: I have cheese issues, okay.
D: [laughing] Okay. Well if you were less of a cheese-phobe maybe this wouldn't be a bad thing, Phil.
P: Dan-
D: Are you - think - make the real decision here, the people want the truth.
P: I would eat the cheese so you could have the puppy!
D: Awww - damnit, no! I don't get to electrocute you.
Real Conversation Time

You have been traveling so much. Do you miss home and are there any places you've been looking forward to traveling to the most?
P: I mean, it is a long tour - we have been away from home a long time.
D: No. No, I don't miss it at all, there is nothing - I don't care. You know the one thing, you want the honest answer?
P: Yeah.
D: A stable wifi connection. That's the only thing I miss. That's actually the truth.
P: I miss stable wifi and seeing my parents a little bit. But it's totally worth it to come to see you guys!
D: Aww! You hear that, Kathryn and Nigel? Phil doesn't love you anymore.
P: Hey! But, it's just like - waking up in a new city, getting to see a load of you guys, it's a great feeling.
D: Ordering pancakes most mornings.
P: Yes!
D: [??]
P: But as far as places I'm excited to visit - except for Atlanta, of course-
D: Ooh. Which is the best place! [audience screaming over them]
P: I reckon I'm excited for New Zealand because I've never been there before.
D: Yes! We get to have a hobbit experience. Okay, that sounded weird. Visit the place where it's filmed.
P: Yeah - I think that's my one I'm looking forward to.
D: You just wanna do some hobbit roleplay and eat pancakes? There's your answer.
I want to be a veterinarian, any advice my lads?
D: Because I can give you so much advice.
P: Listen, I did work experience at a vet-
D: You did, didn't you?
P: - and I fainted because I was watching a dog operation and I just, I didn't like what I was seeing! It wasn't fluffy anymore, okay. There was lots of things inside the dog I didn't want to see.
D: Who would have thought that there's things inside a dog, wow.
P: Yeah. I think what you're doing is a great service because dogs and animals are the best thing-
D: Exactly. They're more important than humans.
P: Exactly. As far as advice goes, I think if that's your dream in life you should totally follow it.
D: Yeah, I mean like, don't do what I did with law school. Which is you know, I went to do something that I wasn't necissarily passionate about but it was what I felt like my family would have wanted me to do, and then I tried it and it wasn't making me happy so I stopped. So if your mum is saying I want you to become a basketball playing guitarist in a reverse Troy Bolton kind of situation you go, no! I want to go to medical school so I can make little boys called Phil throw up while I'm giving a dog an operation! You follow your dreams.
P: Yes. So good luck with all of the animals.
I have a job interview to do but I don't want to eff it up. Help me!
D: She doesn't want to - what does the 'eff' stand for, Phil?
P: Well it actually said the word but I don't want to-
D: And you wrote that down?
P: Yeah.
D: Phil wrote down a swear today. Who is this man? Who is this man.
P: So, Tina. Got a job interview. Here's the thing-
D: Don't sleep under a table, don't press any panic alarms.
P: No.
D: If they ask you if you've sold an axe to a child say I've never met a child and what is an axe? Because only an idiot would do that.
P: Don't do any of those things. I would say ask a lot of questions.
D: Yes. Pretend that you really care about the job even if you don't. Tell me more about Walmart and how do [??] and they'll be like, wow, this person has management potential, yes!
P: Yeah.
D: And then you can sleep under a table once you've got the job.
P: Ask a lot of questions and don't be nervous because they're probably interviewing like, loads of people and they don't really care that much? It's like-
D: [laughing] Wow.
P: Oh I just want to get it out of the way. So all you need to think is imagine you're talking to like, a friend or your mum or something like that, and you might be better at talking than being like oh my god, that's a scary boss that's gonna judge me.
D: Because hey, some time, at some point, people actually employed me and Phil. So if we got a job, you can get it too.
Audio provided by me!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:51 pm

Phoenix - 7 August 2018

Intro Banter
P: So today we did some-
D: Yesterday.
P: Yesterday.
D: That barely counts.
P: We did something incredibly dangerous.
D: This is very unlike Dan and Phil, okay. This is a very, very big deal.
P: We actually went outside in Phoenix.
D: [??] What? We went outside in Phoenix? I think just going outside is impressive, though.
P: Yeah.
D: I mean we don't usually do that. Any sunlight is very dangerous to Phil.
P: I'm very pale.
D: Have you seen the skin on this creature right now? He has some serious Voldemort skin going on right here, okay. He has to wear SPF50 just to stand under this spotlight right now.
P: So do you-
D: Going outside in Phoenix? This is risking it all, people. This is not a drill.
P: I thought I was actually going to turn into steam. It was so hot!
D: Phil just goes outside and evaporates. Thanos snapped him instantly.
P: Oh my gosh!
D: Phil are you enjoying being outside in Phoenix? [Phil voice] I don't feel so good! Literally.
P: Really?
D: It's so - why did humans ever settle here? We're walking outside and we're like okay if you have to go from an air conditioned room to an air conditioned car to an air conditioned room it's saying: move to another place! Honestly. The fact that you're all here, that means you're survivors. Okay, you're [?? audience shouting over him] So I think that's cool.
P: Thank you for risking the heat just to come out and see us.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What form of torture would make Phil confess everything?
- being in the sun
D: For literally one second.
P: I would not last very long. I mean I'd probably set on fire after about ten minutes in Phoenix.
D: You'd just actually combust and I guess we'd just have to rebrand the series to phil is on fire.
P: [groans]

- a seductive cheese platter
P: What is seductive about a cheese platter?
D: Is it like - laid out in the shape of a naked person? Is it on a naked person?
P: Is it like - massaged into my back? Ugh. Gross.
D: Who would ever be seduced by a cheese massage?
P: I don't know!
D: What's wrong with your mind?
P: Cheese loving [??]
D: Can you - Phil, don't shame us. Right. [something about lactose intolerance]

- going back to emo hair
P: I may have-
D: Confess the secrets!
P: - cut off my emo fringe and left it in a box just in case I wanted to glue it back again.
D: What do you mean, just in case?
P: Just in case it didn't work out.
D: What just tape it back to your forehead?
P: Yeah.
D: Well that's very disturbing.

Phil's chosen answer: seductive cheese platter

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?
- fursuits for sale
D: Wow, we've been here for like three minutes, there's the first furry joke, thank you.
P: But which animal would it be is the question?
D: [quietly] Sloth bear.

- what is darker than black?
D: Honestly same. I'm like, thinking about my soul. Black is just not dark enough.
P: No.
D: Because I am just that edgy.

- Evan Peters fanfiction
D: What is the fanfiction?
P: Maybe it's combined with fursuits.
D: Let-
P: American Furry Story
D: Did you just say American Furry Story? Leave. Did you just - that show is pretty twisted but Phil you just ruined it.
P: I'm sorry.

Dan's chosen answer: Evan Peters fanfiction

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?
- trash
P: Is that just the title?
D: That is - just a dvd, comic sans, trash. R rated, seventeen and a half hours long, zero percent fresh.
P: We could sell it in a little plastic trash can.
D: Aw, there we go! [to audience] And you would buy it, what the hell is wrong with you.

- the phandom menace
P: I love that!
D: There will be no prequel memes in this building right now, okay.
P: No.
D: Look, honestly, I feel so attacked. And Phil is the Jar Jar of my life.

- a giant mistake, tbh
P: You're not wrong.
D: Me right now. I don't - why are you laughing, that was no joke.

Their chosen answer: trash
What's in Dan's Box?
- toilet roll
- DAPC bloopers
- pinof 1 bloopers
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - the black plague (good thing for half of humanity to die)
Phil - cold pillow (what if rats are living inside of it and it's full of rat pee)
Dan - slapping your grandma (facebook will add it alongside the poke option)
Phil - saving the bees (what if they're forming an army)
Dan - murder (appropriate when someone steals your cereal)
Phil - kpop (so talented you feel worthless because you can't compare)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: hot things
P: microwaves
D: Phoenix

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What item of your clothing does Phil hate the most?
P: Oooh.
D: What! Oh, that's a fun one, thank you. I mean - I'm thinking about all the clothes that I have owned in my life.
P: Think about..
D: And this comes to mind - I think the one you hate most is the potato sack.
P: It is the potato sack!
D: Yes! Ooh-
P: [??]
D: I have made some questionable...
P: I could have said the leather shirt. Ugh.
D: I have made a lot of choices in my life.

Phil's question: What year did Dan apply to university?
P: Oh!
D: This is a good question actually. It's too easy for you to work out-
P: I've known you for a long time.
D: Yeah. Come on, think about it. What year did I go to university? Think about that, and when did I apply.
P: 2009!
D: No! [buzzes him] I took a gap year, I applied in 2008! Wah wah, wah wah. It was a total trick question and thank you Yuri for asking that, you knew.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Dan gets to meet Nick Jonas in London, but Phil can only say 'lady door' for a year.
P: No! That would be so annoying!
D: So I would finally get to live my hashtag dick fantasy, but - I mean is there any difference? I feel like all Phil says is lady door now.
P: [??]
D: I feel like the gaming channel would have less innuendo if you didn't say anything-
P: What if I was in danger and you didn't know - lady door, lady door, lady door!
D: I would laugh.
P: Exactly.
D: Okay - how serious-
P: Serious.
D: Serious?
P: Serious. Serious.
D: You guys wanna know what I would actually do? If we were being serious I would not do that, are you kidding me? I'm a good person.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is on fire - that's the scenario here, I finally had enough of people bullying me about my username so I set myself on fire - but Phil, to save him you have to wear the cheese suit.
P: What?!
D: Francesca, I feel like you left out important information. For how long?
P: Like a day?
D: Is it like he had to wear it in order to pick up the fire extinguisher? Or like -permanently?
P: What do you think, Dan? How long are we talking?
D: This has to be high stakes, okay. So lets say, like the other one, it's for a year.
P: A year?!
D: Are you gonna let me stop drop and roll-
P: Exactly! Dan, I think if you set on fire, you could just stop drop and roll and you'd be fine.
D: Are you serious?
P: Yeah I mean you've been on fire before with [??] and it was fine.
D: Okay. Right. Are you honestly-
P: No I'm not [??]!
D: Bad friend, Phil Lester! Are you serious!
Real Conversation Time

Will you guys miss the tour bus when it is gone?
D: Oh my god yes.
P: Actually tonight is our final journey on the tour bus!
D: Tonight is our last night ever on the tour bus.
P: It's like I bonded with it.
D: I know!
P: It's like a friend.
D: It's-
P: Vibrating, moving, loud friend. [audience reacts]That came out wrong.
D: Phil is having a lot of fun on that bus. Honestly, you know, it's got that monochrome aesthetic-
P: Yeah.
D: -it's on wheels, and it has lots of microwave popcorn.
P: It does.
D: So [??].
P: And I feel like I've got used to it now, so now when we're not moving I - I feel like I should be on the bus.
D: Bus lag. Basically when you've been moving on the bus and you've been sleeping and you get used to it, any time when you're not moving your body feels like it's moving.
P: So right now like, I'm still moving.
D: Wow.
P: It's weird.
D: I feel like you've had that for like twenty years now, explains a lot. Honestly [??], right.
P: I'll give it a hug and then let it go into the night.
D: You hug it and I'll make sure you don't do anything else to it.
This is a very important personal question, I'm sorry if it makes anyone feel awkward. What is your favorite and least favorite Shrek movie?
D: Oh for God's- you basically just rickrolled this-
P: [trying to talk]
D: [incoherant outrage]
P: Do you want me to admit to something? I've only seen the first two Shreks.
D: What?! You haven't seen all of the Shrek movies and all the weird like web movies?
P: No! And I haven't seen Puss in Boots either.
D: I am immediately unstanning this man right now.
P: Look we've got like an eighteen hour flight to Australia, maybe I can watch it then.
D: Exactly. Phil, you have to promise us all right now that on the flight to Australia you will watch every Shrek movie.
P: [something the audience screams over] What is the best Shrek?
D: I mean objectively the first one is the best one, but my favorite is Shrek 2 [something about a song]. And my least favorite one is Shrek 3, that's the tea.
P: That means I've seen the two good ones, so I don't need to see the rest. There we go.
I want to be a singer, but I'm too scared to do it in front of anyone. Help!
D&P: [singing help]
P: Here's the thing. If you've got a dream that you really want to do, and you're too scared to follow the dream I think you should really give it a go.
D: You have to try, you have to try.
P: In ten years you might be like aw I wish I'd just tried.
D: You can't do that, you can't ever live with regrets. Like if Phil said 'I really want to be creative and start youtube but I'm scared to talk to a camera because I have low confident' - if he never made that jump to do it even though it was scary, he wouldn't be sat here right now.
P: Exactly.
D: And that's the thing - singing or acting or anything you're passionate about, you might be like an animator who wants to start putting stuff on the internet. It's really scary but you have to do it, okay. You can't spend the rest of your life not doing it. Phil started youtube as just a creative little hobby and here we are now. So even if it tries and fails like my career, it'll be worth it by the time you're dead.
P: Yaay. So I'd say maybe if you're scared of like playing for the world just record yourself and play with friends.
D: Or just [??], boom, there we go. You should like, come up with another thing. Wear shoes that are so tall they cover your face.
P: Or a fursuit.
D: Okay! On that note...
Thanks to sonicgreen for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:51 pm

San Diego - 8 August 2018

Coming soon!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:51 pm

Los Angeles - 9 August 2018

Coming soon!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by whatdoiknow » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:52 pm

Seattle - 11 August 2018 (matinee)

Intro Banter
P: I almost had a religious experience today because I thought about going to the first ever Starbucks today [crowd cheering]
D: The only god Phil worships is caffeine.
P: Yeah. But then I thought I would never come out again, so I thought I'd stay here in the theater.
D: It would just be the Dan and [silence] show. And that would be it. He's had nine espressos and he's zazzed, and he'd come in like, "What's up guys, it's Phil!". That's Phil most of the time to be honest.
P: That is me most of the time. Also you probably saw on my Instagram that I injured my leg in the last show.
D: Yes. Gross.
P: So, every part of this set is a trip hazard, so -
D: Could we have made more of a like, an injury-prone thing. I mean, look at this, that's like a spear right there.
P: It was actually this corner here. That's where it happened.
D: Is that why there's like a chunk of flesh of Phil's shin right there.
P: I could fall off the stage at any time, so please save me if that happens.
D: Why would you joke about that? That's not a joke, there's like a 50% chance that Phil will fall off the stage and die at some point tonight.
P: Yeah.
D: But I've also heard that you've had a lot of really great summer weather until today when it started raining [crowd cheering] Guys! It was me, it was me right? Dan must be coming [makes rain/storm sound]. That's just the effect that I have on people and places.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What animal does Phil remind you of?

- an albino giraffe
D: Where is the lie?
P: I'm very tall and I'm very pale.
D: And you [?]

- a dog with shame cone
D: I mean, I don't think you have one like physically, I think he just means like spiritually you have the shape [?]
P: Yeah.
D: I mean, I feel like kinkly [?]

- rat
P: I don't know how I didn't see that coming.
D: Not even a description, just straight up rat.
P: I mean, I am spiritually a rat.

Phil's chosen answer: an albino giraffe

Dan's question: How would you describe Dan's fashion?

- questionable
P: I mean, I would agree. There's a certain potato sack -
D: Okay, okay! You either have style, or you don't. And I don't.

- puts the 'fun' in 'funeral'
D: I feel so attacked yet understood at the same time.
P: That should be your youtube channel -
D: That should be my channel [?]

- trash
D: Just trash. [?]
P: That's it.
D: Garbage sack or Dan's outfit? What's the difference?

Dan's chosen answer: puts the 'fun' in 'funeral'

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?

- their sweat
D: You know when you've got like somebody you've got a crush on, and your hands start dripping, that's that.
P: That's the smell. Is that smell different to normal sweat?
D: Yeah, it's a nervous sweat. That human interaction kind of sweat that happens, like oh I'm clammy.

- sweetness and death
D: Wow.
P: Can I be the sweetness?
D: I don't think anybody was implying that you weren't the sweetness, Phil.

- the sweet smell of regret
D: Literally, right now.

Their chosen answer: the sweet smell of regret
What's in Dan's Box?

- a single jellybean

- homemade meth (P: Let's say.. homemade drugs. Can we say that?
D: Is that better?!
P: I don't think that's better. I think it's too late, I've already said it out loud.
D: Phil accidentally said that I have a meth lab in my room.
P: Which is very illegal, so you should not do -
D: Oh Phil, did you really have to disclaimer not to do meth? Okay, guys, AmazingPhil is here saying 'don't do drugs', or you'll end up like Dan apparently.

[moves on to last ball]
P: What's in the box, please don't say meth.
D: [genuine laugh] )

- dan's last shred of hope
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - smelly feet (smelly feet is a natural human repellent)
Phil - dan's mum (she created dan)
Dan - cannibals (helps to reduce the human population)
Phil - phil stealing cereal (dan has probably filled the boxes with knives to get revenge)
Dan - world war III (we need to get rid of humanity once and for all)
Phil - cute innocent babies (what if you're on a different planet and they are alien babies)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: saucy things
P: barbecue sauce
D: ketchup

Phantastic Phacts

Dan's question: What exact colour does Phil dye his hair?
D: Ooh, okay. Because in case you didn't know, Phil is ginger. Okay! You dye your hair - I know it's that really cheap stuff that like any eight year old uses. Uh, I'm gonna say - umm, what's it called? It's called like, 'XXL Midnight Black' or something.
P: No!
D: What is it?! What?
P: 'XXL Deep Black'. There's no 'midnight' here, biatch.
D: Is that actually what it's called?
P: Yeah.
D: I was so close!
P: You were so close.
D: And you didn't give me that?! Okay, that's how fair we are playing today.

Phil's question: What bone did Dan first break, and how?
P: Ooh.
D: Interesting bit of [?] trivia.
P: [makes noises] My memory is coming back.
D: What memory, Phil?
P: It was - Dan, you went down a waterslide, and you broke your finger!
D: Dammit, that's right! Yeah, I am that cool and dangerous. What was I doing, was I skating, did I get in a fight? No, I went down a waterslide and I landed on my finger with my own butt. That is how cool people break their bones!

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it right, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is gonna get totally probed by aliens, but to save him Dan has to let them impregnate him.
D: We didn't ask for a sneak peek of your wattpad account. [crowd laughing/cheering] So, I have to literally -
P: Don't let them probe me!
D: Right, okay okay okay. Is this like, will Phil die from the probing, or is it just like an unpleasant probing? If it's half an hour [?], I'm not carrying a child for nine months.
P: Are you saying no?
D: Well, how long is this probe?
P: I don't know, I've never been probed by an alien before.
D: [laughs] Oh my god. Well, you know what, honestly if I was given this opportunity.. no, I wouldn't do that! [gets shocked]

Phil's dilemma: Phil will get a billion dollars, but Dan has to wear trash bags every day until he dies.
P: That's basically your fashion anyway. [crowd laughing/cheering]
D: I feel like I should electrocute you just for saying that. [shocks Phil] How was that?
P: That was fizzy.
D: You sounded like you enjoyed that. But Phil, come on, honestly, would you make me wear trash bags every day for the rest of my life?
P: Uh.. yes, I would! [gets shocked]
Real Conversation Time

What will you do the day you get home from tour?
D: Die. [crowd laughs] Eat.
P: I think I'm probably gonna sleep for 24 hours.
D: Yeah. The day we get back will not be a day, we will just sleep consequently for two weeks.
P: We'll be returning from the other side of the world, so we'll probably be really jet-lagged. But whenever we've been on a big tour or done, like, a big project, we have a tradition of always just ordering Domino's Pizza with all the dips. [crowd cheers]
D: The true lifestyle of Dan and Phil, it's ordering some fries from Domino's and then all six dips. And that's it. If I ever got a tattoo - you know how people have a quote that really means something to them - I'd just get all of the dips. [crowd cheers]
Is it weird I want to just move to Japan and leave this life in the USA behind?
D: Oooh. [crowd says 'same'] "Same." That's a big mood.
P: It's also a big 'move'. [crowd cheers] [?] it was there and I had to take it.
D: Die. Throw yourself off the stage right now.
P: Japan is a pretty awesome place. I loved it so much, had a great, I'd love to return.
D: We all have a moment in our life where we want to just escape from, and go to another place. I don't think you need to move to Japan to do that. You could just like, move to the city, but like to the next state. Or like, out of your parent's house. [crowd cheers] 'I'm fully gonna go to Japan!'
P: Yeah, that's a big life decision. So I think, take some time to think about it, and then maybe leave it three months and then think 'do I still feel the same three months later even if I've made some changes in my life to make myself feel a bit better, done some things differently?'.
D: Yeah.
P: I don't think I could do that, because I think I'd miss my family too much -
D: Awww. There's a happy middle ground between like, being really impulsive but then actually making sure you're doing what you want with your life. Because if you know you have a dream, and it's something that you want to do, you have to go for it. You can't spend the rest of your life regretting something. If you know deep down 'I want to move to Japan', you do it, okay?
P: Yeah!
D: If that's something you want to do with your life. [crowd cheers] Just don't like, mail your stuff tomorrow and then go there without your laptop or knowing how to speak Japanese.
P: So yeah, don't be too impulsive, but if it is your dream you should follow it.
D: Yeah!
My friends keep making fun of my balloon phobia. Help!
P: See, the thing is, lots of people have phobias of things that other people might find funny, but -
D: That's why they're phobias, they're irrational fears.
P: It's irrational. But it's a really serious thing. So I think when you explain to your friends what that means and how it makes you feel, and how it's not just like a silly fear, then if they are good friends they will understand and they'll stop.
D: Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Phil, exactly! [crowd cheers] If they don't respect the things you sincerely say upset you, you fill a balloon with bees, you go into their room, and you say 'how do you like this [?]!?'. [?] And you'll be like 'no, you didn't respect my truth', and then they die.
P: Are you just telling Olga to fill things with bees and attack their friends?
D: Yes, yes. That is actually the message of the show, which is why we called it Interesting Insects.
P: Oh yes. [crowd laughs] I think we should probably stop giving advice.
Thank you to anonymouscrane and talkaboutartassholes for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:55 pm

Seattle - 11 August 2018 (evening show)

Intro Banter
D: Alright! We are having a nice moist rainy day.
P: Yeah! And it's our final show in America!
D: As soon as this evening ends, we will be immediately less free, okay.
P: I think I'm gonna miss the pancakes so much.
D: Hey Phil, what's your favorite thing about touring America, is it seeing our audience, is it travel - Phil's like: room service pancakes. That's the truth. That's the truth right there.
P: Of course these guys are important.
D: Yeah - he's lying. He's lying. First, it's actually a miracle that we're here right now, because of yesterday.
P: Yeah.
D: We committed a crime.
P: It was an accident!
D: And Phil just - he was like, I don't think we should talk about this. It's fine-
P: It was an accident!
D: If we get arrested, it's my fault.
P: Yeah.
D: Basically, we were walking around yesterday evening, and then we noticed that our Uber was across the road so we had to go get it. We were walking across the road and then, wait a minute, Phil - we're walking across the road, we are JAYWALKING right now.
P: That's not a thing in the UK!
D: In the UK, it's like, oh it's a freeway la la la. No rules, no rules.
P: But then-
D: And in the middle of the freak-, we were like okay this is it and then I said we’re jaywalking. And then at that moment Phil went, huh, imagine if we got arrested for this right now. There's a big SUV crossing across the road [mimics siren] it was a cop car!
P: It was a police!
D: Literally the only car on the road, we were in the middle. Phil was like, wouldn't it be funny if we got arrested - [siren noise again] - literally. My entire life flashed before my eyes.
P: It did. They were flashing their lights at us like, get out of the road, you weird British-
D: They were actually like - beep beep - we're gonna be helpful and let you cross the road right now. But us going like, ahh we're gonna have to change our names, okay you go to Canada I'll go to Mexico, see you later bye.
P: So we almost went to jail, but we're very happy to be here tonight!
D: You have several weeks of beautiful summer, then Dan comes to town and it starts raining.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if youtube didn't exist?
- children's party clown
P: I'd be a pretty good clown. I fall over my feet all the time.
D: I feel like that's the one kind of clown, you're like a real life clown not a professional clown. Would you trust Phil with your child [??]
P: I'm not allowed to hold children.
D: He can't hold your iphone for a selfie, never mind a baby.

- a clumsy barista
P: I would pour hot coffee into people's faces by accident.
D: What's your name, Susan? My name is Samantha. Here's your coffee!

- wouldn’t have a job
P: Do you not have faith in me?
D: What job would you have? Ha ha ha. Can you imagine being that savage?

Phil's chosen answer: a clumsy barista

Dan's question: What form of torture would make him confess everything?
- wearing color
D: What kind of twisted individual even suggests that? Dan, give us the nuclear codes. No! Have a yellow t-shirt - [screams] One second.

- hello internet on loop
D: There it is, there it is. Been here for like five minutes, we have the first Hello, Internet joke.
P: You're just strapped to a chair and they're like - hi, my name is [Dan].
D: [audience screaming/dan and phil talking over each other as Dan makes a joke about blocking audience members doing square brackets at him]

- being away from Dan
P: So - Dan is being away from himself?
D: Is that meant to be Phil?
P: I think it might have meant to be Phil
D: Being away from you would not be torture, Phil.
P: Really?
D: It would be a holiday.
P: Wow.

Dan's chosen answer: hello internet on loop

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?
- two rats that changed the world
P: I love how that’s nice but also a burn
D: I like how that's implying that we're good enough to change the world but then it's like a double diss because at the same time, haha you wouldn’t do that and you’re a rat

- two bros chillin in an apartment
D: [??] because they're stuck in the sofa crease.
P: They will never get out.
D: They've been there for days, browsing the internet and they have crusted to the couch, they forgot to drink.
P: Don't say crust.
D: That's how we're gonna die.

- A Big Mistake
P: I like that.
D: It's the Dan and Phil Movie. A Big Mistake, and how I feel right now.

Their chosen answer: two rats that changed the world
What's in Dan's Box?
- a shiba inu
- a tiny phil
- dan's skincare routine
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - man buns (so many uses, like storage)
Phil - free pizza (where did it come from, what if it's covered in beetles)
Dan - swimming in a swamp (it's where Shrek lives)
Phil - free wifi (why is it free? govt can see everything you're doing)
Dan - setting Dan on fire (he's finally free of danisnotonfire)
Phil - world peace (something about being pregnant by aliens and beetles?)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: coffees
P: pumpkin spice
D: cappacino

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What time was Phil born?
D: Why the hell would I know that, the specific time?
P: I think I've told you!
D: Is this - did we put it in the book or anything?
P: Yes.
D: Oh, for god's sake.
P: I'll give you within an hour. Not a minute.
D: Six am?
P: No! [buzzes him] Bad friend.
D: Bad friend? Okay. Sorry if I didn't know facts about your mother's vagina. Apparently I need to learn more about that.
P: It was - [pause for audience screaming then buzzes him again].
D: I'm gonna zap you back! Oh that's the game we're playing, alright this is falling the hell apart.
P: It was three am.
D: Oh for god's sake. Okay.

Phil's question: What is Dan's favorite vine?
D: Okay this is pretty important.
P: That's important.
D: This is like essential friend knowledge.
P: It is. It's been so long since vine went away, it's fading out of my brain.
D: You can't say that Phil, the moment we forget vine it's all been lost to society.
P: Is it... I smell like beef?
D: Oh my god, that's right!
[both of them do the vine]
D: I think that's the most cursed video on the internet.
P: I was trying not to say [starts singing] guac-a-mole.
D: [goes into rant about not googling it]

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it wrong)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil gets to play with a puppy for the day, but Dan spends the day in a trash can.
P: Dan! Think about the joy I'd get from a puppy.
D: How seriously are we taking this?
P: Seriously!
D: Are you asking me if I would spend a day in a trash can for you to play with a puppy?
P: Yes.
D: Seriously?
P: Yeah!
D: Obviously I would not do that!
P: Bad friend! [buzzes him]
D: Did you just bad friend me?
P: Puppy time is the most important time.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is guaranteed to live to 110, but Phil grows another five feet.
P: I would be taller than this screen!
D: Phil is now a meaty eleven foot twelve.
P: I feel like that would really effect my quality of life.
D: That would - okay - it would effect your quality of life.
P: I'd be so tall!
D: Your eyes won't work-
P: No one would sit behind me in the cinema.
D: Who would still love Phil if he was eleven foot? We're talking about valuable years of my life-
P: I feel like-
D: -to spend face down on the floor.
P: I think the government would experiment on me like Slenderman.
D: So what?
P: No, I wouldn't do it!
D: [buzzes him] You would literally basically kill me. Okay.
Real Conversation Time

What was the highlight and lowlight of America?
D: Phil, what would you say?
P: I'd say the highlight - as I said earlier, definitely the pancakes.
D: That is the truth right there. That is the only culture that Phil cares about. Breakfasts.
P: But also! Coming to Seattle!
D: Easy, easy win there. I love being in - place.
P: Hey! I love [??].
D: We all heard pancakes come out of his mouth first.
P: What do you think?
D: Well the lowlight is getting hit by a car on the bus at like five am.
P: Yeah!
D: But how would I know, I didn't wake up.
P: Dan didn't wake up! It was scary. I was like, what is happening, there's a big crash, a coffee cup fell over. All the drama was happening then.
D: And I was like [snores]. I think I feared more for my life when we jaywalked.
P: Oh my gosh.
D: I thought this is life in supermax [prison] right here, for corssing the road in Bellevue [city next to Seattle].
P: Yeah so that means-
D: But honestly I would say the highlight is genuinely getting to see our audience again.
P: Awww.
D: Everything we do is on the internet, right? So it's very hard for us to know how real it is because we just get [??] and to see people in the audience, see people laugh, smile, make friends, have a good time - that makes everything - any problem I have in my life seems so less important than what's happening in this room right now.
P: I think Wholesome Howell is leaking.
I am not sure if I should get a planet or a stag tattoo. Help?
D: I think we should decide right now.
P: A live tattoo decision.
D: A planet - pretty cool tattoo. A stag, also pretty cool tattoo. It's up to you guys. Who is on team planet? [audience screams] And stag? [audience screams] I think planets have it there.
P: I think they're learning toward planet.
D: Get one full picture of Uranus.
P: Dan.
D: I'm sorry.
P: But do both, get one giant planet on your back and then the planet can be inhabited by stags.
D: Yes Phil! Great - you should definitely be an artist.
P: You can get that tattooed.
Any tips for starting a youtube channel?
D: Oooh. Don't name yourself danisnotonfire. Come on, Phil - you have been on youtube for twelve thousand years.
P: I'd say what you do is make sure you're making something for the right reasons, like making it because you feel passionate about it.
D: Yeah.
P: And it's something you really want to do. Don't feel like you have to follow the trend and do what every single person does.
D: No I think that if you're not passionate about something, that comes through. If you're ever thinking like - I want to create, I want to draw something, I want to write about something, do a youtube channel, it has to be about what you're passionate about.
P: Yes.
D: If it makes you happy, that will come through, okay. If somebody's doing something and it's not what they want - you can kinda tell. Whatever you do in life - your job, your career, your hobbies... if it makes you happy, do not think about if it'll be successful or if anyone will watch it, or if it's a good idea, because that is the only thing that matters.
P: It is.
D: So you go for it.
P: Yes. Totally go for it.
D: Unless your favorite thing is like, cannibalism. Then maybe, I don't know.
P: Don't make that channel.
D: You would get demonetized.
Thank you to tobieallison and talkaboutartassholes for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by obsessivelymoody » Wed Aug 15, 2018 1:29 pm

Vancouver - 12 August 2018

Intro Banter
P: In exciting news—very important break [?? Dan starts talking over him]
D: Yes, we had something that we wanted to say
P: Yeah
D: A statement that’s very relevant
P: I drank fizzy milk today!
D: I didn’t think that that’s what we were gonna talk about
P: No
D: Okay first Phil is having a moment, sure
P: It was a thing I tweeted as an idea
D: Yes
P: And everyone was like “Phil that sounds disgusting”
D: Obviously
P: “Phil you’re weird”
D: Fizzy milk is gross
P: “What is wrong with you”, but then I tried it, and it was actually nice!
D: Okay, well, you tried a drink
P: Yeah
D: Phil was like “I’m gonna have this like Calpico, it’s like a flavoured yogurt drink”, and Phil was like “It’s fizzy milk! It’s delicious! Haters back off!”, and I was like “Okay, Phil sounds like a busy afternoon”
P: Yeah, so that was good
D: What I wanted to say was, last time we were in Canada in Toronto, we went to Tim Hortons
D: Important cultural experience. And we both ordered double doubles, and we were like “look guys! We have the drink!” and they were like “it’s July you freaks why did you order hot coffee?”
P: Yeah
D: “We thought this was the thing that we were supposed to get—” “NO, boo!” So, I’m sorry, but in the meantime we were there, both ordered ice capps
P: It was delicious!
D: We’re not just saying that to get you to cheer—Like honestly, it is superior to a starbucks frappuccino, so there we go
D: It’s just a fact
P: It is
D: Seattle is quaking!
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
- Killing houseplants
D: If that was a sport
P: Oh my gosh
D: Phil would have the olympic record, okay
P: My children!
D: Your children?
P: Yeah
D: Your children are dead, Phil. You aren’t being a very good plant dad to these succulents, okay
P: I try so hard but they just crumble before me

- Competitive cereal stealing
D: Yes, yes, okay, thank you! King of not respecting friendship boundaries and property laws, that is Phil right there.
P: Now this is something I’m good at
D: Yeah ok—well, that’s not something to be proud of, Phil
P: You just need to get better at hiding it
D: Oh yeah, oh yeah that’s—the problem is that I don’t hide my food better

- Being a sweetie
P: Aw!
D: [retching noises]
P: I like that one!
D: It’s supposed to be truth bombs, not fricking compliment cats
P: I li—
D: [makes one of the most annoying noises I’ve ever heard over Phil]

Phil's chosen answer: Killing houseplants

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan’s browsing history?
- How to not look like Anthony Padilla
P: I mean, you have the same face
D: Jokes on you Charlotte, I wish I had a manly jaw like Anthony Padilla, are you kidding me?
P: [giggles]
D: Have you seen how hairy his arms are? Goals, okay. Jokes on you

- Evan Peters fanfic
P: Wow
D: Where is the lie?
P: Yeah
D: It’s not here, only facts in this house people
P: I did think I saw a wattpad account on your screen that you quickly closed away
D: Oh okay! Yeah, that’s um, that was actually my shrek wattpad account
- Cheap fursuit for sale
D: Oh yep there it is. There it is. Okay, we’ve been here for like 5 minutes and we have the first furry joke
P: I like that you’re looking for a cheap one
D: Yeah, like a used one
P: Uhh
D: Like a craiglist fursuit

Dan's chosen answer: How to not look like Anthony Padilla

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?
- A life in the life of Dan and Phil
D: Yes okay, thank you! We are that creative. Our backup idea was “the amazing life is not on fire”.
P: Both would be equally valid names
D: And none of you would be surprised

- Help, I’m living with my stalker
P: Wow
D: I’d be offended, but it’s what happend

- A huge massive mistake
D: The Dan and Phil film, okay
P: What a mistake
D: [laughs] me, right now

Their chosen answer: A huge massive mistake
What's in Dan's Box?
- Edward Cullen plushie (D: It’s just a big foot [...] It is a glittering, foot plushie)
- Dan’s true feelings for Phil (D: Violent, murderous feelings)
- a goat
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - wet socks (you can clean your floors, water your plants, put your foot into your dehydrated friend’s mouth)
Phil - milkshakes (could be rat or human or fizzy milk)
Dan - gym class (best class because you can tell your teacher you broke your foot so you can sit and do nothing for an hour)
Phil - helping ducks cross the road (what if they’re evil ducks? They plot against you after you help them and the next thing you know you’re waking up and there’s 20 ducks in your bedroom and the last thing you see is them pecking out your eyeballs)
Dan - robot apocalypse (all of humanity dying is the best thing for the solar system)
Phil - a million shiba inus (if they’re all in the same room you’d drown in shibes)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Canadian things
P: maple syrup
D: ice cappuccino

Level Two: Phantastic Phacts

Dan’s question: How many hamsters has Phil owned?
D: If you didn’t know this, Phil used to breed hamsters as a hobby as a child. He is the byproduct of someone that rubbed hamsters together just for fun
P: [makes hamster breeding gestures]
D: Oh is that how you breed a hamster?
P: That is how you breed a hamster
D: [making hamster breeding gestures] You just go in ya go and they just go pop, hamsters come out
P: Dan, I feel like you’re stalling
D: Are we—what are we counting here?
P: Babies and [??]
D: Okay oh god, I don’t know...16?
P: Wait [pauses to count]
P: No!
D: [gets zapped] What—what is it then?
P: 17!
D: Are you actually joking?
P: No
D: Are you being deadly serious?
P: You were—I mean— [both talking over each other]
D: Are you—are you—okay [still talking over each other]
P: Bad friend
D: Oh, I’m a bad friend because I didn’t know that? Whatever

Phil’s question: What is Dan’s least favourite animal?
D: Okay this is a good one, this is the kind of stuff you should know about a friend
P: I feel like it’s obvious
D: What is it?
P: Moth!
D: Oh dammit, that’s correct!
D: [moth rant]

Level Three: Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets it wrong)

Final Round: Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil can do anything on youtube and never get demonetized, but Dan can never swear again.
P: Wash your mouth out with soap, young man
D: It is an essential part of how I express myself
P: Really?
D: Okay, sometimes you just feel emotions that you can only express with a cuss, okay
P: Yeah
D: Phil wouldn’t know that because he’s dead inside
D: What would you even do if you could do anything on youtube?
P: I mean—
D: You’d rub hamsters together
P: Yeah! I’d [??] whatever I want!
D: [pushing a finger on his nose, imitating Phil] Hey guys, welcome to my livestream [snorts while making hamster breeding gesture]
P: You know that demonetization is going to lead to all of our deaths
D: Okay, um, are you honestly saying would I give up swearing forever?
P: Yes!
D: No! I obviously wouldn’t—[gets zapped]
P: Bad friend!

Phil's dilemma: Phil can have any superpower that he want, but Dan has to carry Phil around the house.
D: What? Sophia what is this statement? Phil gets unlimited superpowers but when he gets home he is so pooped that Dan has to carry him up the stairs?
P: That sounds like quite a good thing because I’ll just be like “oh I don’t have to do anything, carry me up the stairs. I’ve been saving the day.”
D: He is honestly the kind of person that would live like this—
P: Yeah
D: —okay, if he had the chance
D: Take this seriously okay. People want to know what you would actually do given this choice
P:...I don’t want you to carry me around the house all the time!
D: Aw yes! Okay! Thank you Phil!
P: Yay
D: Are you saying that because you don’t want me to carry you around the house or are you saying that because you know you’d destroy the earth?
P: No, I think you’d drop me down the stairs
[audience laughs]
D: [offended] Oh okay!
Real Conversation Time

How are you guys spending your week off?
D: Oooo, it takes a long time to get to Australia.
P: It does, it takes a looong time to get to Australia. It’s actually crazy, when you fly to Australia, you lose an entire day
D: What does that even mean?
P: Is it because of the timezone? I don’t know how it means
D: Someone tried to explain it to us earlier, they were like: “It’s because you’re flying forwards around the world, you wake up and then two days of the week are gone”
P: Yeah
D: I’m like, “How? What does that even mean?!” I don’t know
P: [starts to say something but Dan talks loudly over him]
D: I don’t think that Australians actually exist. I think Australia’s just a meme
P: Yeah
D: It’s not a real place, you know what I mean?
P: Yeah, so I think there’s going to be some chilling out. I think I’m going to watch “The Greatest Showman” on the plane
D: Finally [?? audience cheering over him]
P: I just don’t want to cry on the plane, is it sad or is it okay?
D: Will he happy cry like [??]?
P: I’ll happy cry
D: Okay, sure I relate to that
P: So I think that’s the plan, just get to Australia
D: And not get killed by a snake or a spider or a kangaroo or any of the various things—chlamydia, given to you by a koala!
Any advice for starting a new job? I’m scared I will spill coffee on a customer.
P: Let’s hope that you’re job isn’t as a surgeon and you’re spilling coffee into a gaping wound
D: Yes, yes, okay
P: But, I mean, I’d say don’t be too nervous
D: Yes
P: And also don’t worry about asking questions to a supervisor or a boss because the worst thing is just pretending or thinking you know everything and then getting it completely wrong
D: I mean, if he’s a surgeon you’d hope that he doesn’t have to ask for directions Phil
P: He said coffee! I’m guessing a barista or something
D: Uh, well my advice: don’t sell any axes to children, don’t fall asleep under any tables, and if you’re going to a music festival don’t tell your boss that you have diarrhea and then they call your home to ask if you’re okay and then your mum tells you that you’re busy watching Panic! At the Disco at Reading festival okay
D: That is the best advice that I can give you
P: And as you said coffee, if you are working at a Tim Hortons just make sure we get free coffee for life
D: Yeah!
How have you guys changed since starting youtube?
D: We’ve aged
P: We have aged. I think—it’s crazy even if we look back at a year of your life to see how much things have changed
D: I had a weird fringe taped to my face!
P: Yeah! If anyone in the audience just thinks about like what was life like 2 years ago, everyone has changed
D: Okay all of—right now all of you, what were you like 4 years ago?
P: Yeah. Exactly
D: Now imagine if everybody watched that on the internet and they love it
P: Yeah
D: And imagine if [??] okay what were you like 4 years ago? “That was my favourite period. You have to be like that all the time from now on” nooooo
P: No. I think—it says when you started though, when you started youtube. I was actually I think a lot more shy than I am now
D: Cameras were in black and white when Phil started youtube
P: Back in the Jurassic age
D: It was just his cereal camera
P: It was. It was my webcam. But, no, I think I’ve gotten a bit more confident. I think a lot of that’s come from just presenting myself on a camera all the time and doing loads of crazy jobs that I didn’t think I was going to get. So I think, yeah, if you think about Phil of those times stood here or sat here on a stage, I think he’d run the other way
D: Yeah. Also the voice
P: Yeah! The voice has also gotten a lot less Northern
D: A lot less “ace” coming from Phil there
P: [in Northern accent] I used to sound like a Stark from Game of Thrones
D: I mean like, we’ve been doing youtube for so long
P: Yeah
D: It’s like we’ve both really just grown up on youtube, which is crazy. I mean like, we see people and their like “I started watching you when I was 11 and now I have student debt, I feel like we’ve grown up together”, and that’s crazy because we’ve all like grown as people so much more as well and I think it’s kind of cool because it goes to show everybody you know just—not that we’re vlogging all of our daily lives, but just by showing what we’ve put on the internet creatively, you’ve seen us both grow as people to get to who we are now, and I’m just really happy that we’ve been able to share that with lots of people.
Audio by me!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Tue Aug 21, 2018 3:34 am

Melbourne - 17 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: Uh, can I please start off this evening with a very serious note?
P: Yes.
D: I have a formal complaint to make about winter in Australia.
P: [??] about that.
D: I'd like to speak to the manager, please.
P: What, the manager of Australia?
D: [mocking voice] oh, the earth's axis - I don't care, okay! Why is it hailing on me in Aus- what the hell is going on! It's like oh, it's Melbourne, you get four seasons in a day. That's like the fifth season, that's like Armageddon right now.
P: We were scared.
D: I was on a beach and I had erect nipples, okay - that's not a sexual - like -
P: Dan, too much information.
D: Unless it's a dog beach or a nudist beach then that's not allowed to happen, okay.
P: No.
D: Just because it was cold.
P: Something more exciting than that is that I'm fully zazzed off TimTams today. [audience screams]
D: That's not - he's not just saying that, okay, like - relatable culture. Phil has been slamming TimTams. Not by drinking them, he's just been violently shoving them into his mouth for about... Phil's like, there's so many flavors.
P: I need to try all of them.
D: But you can have one at a time and sample the flavors. Phil's like - I will eat the entire packet.
P: Yeah.
D: Don't look at me Dan, I'm having a primal moment. [snarfing noise] So if Phil is like visibly shaking for most of the evening-
P: You'll know why.
D: That's why, okay. It's a bit of the cold, mostly sugar.
P: Well we are very happy to be here - or should I say [bad Australian accent] g'day, we are very happy to be here. Is that okay? Was that a mistake?
D: Was that a mistake? Yeah, okay, that is not the only offensive thing Phil is gonna say about your culture tonight so I hope you're ready for it.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if youtube didn't exist?
- professional plant killer
D: Yes, okay!
P: My children.
D: Your children? Mate, your children are dead. Don't know how to break this to you.
P: Look, some people have got green fingers - I've just got black death fingers.
D: Yes, that's true. Who do you think is watering our houseplants while we're on tour? We don't have any friends. They are literally all dead.

- a confused weatherman
D: Yeah, sure.
P: I mean, I think I'd be more confused in Melbourne because you've got about eight different types of weather in one hour.
D: And today it's sunny - wait, it's snowing - wait, what the hell is going on here?
P: It'd be quite easy. And today we have - everything.
D: Everything! At the same time! You can't tell left and right, though. I don't feel that'd be helpful as a weatherman. And if you're here... there will be a tornado, whoops, it's there, everybody's dead.
P: It's true.

- a terrible barista
P: But wait, why is it terrible? Is it terrible because I'm drinking everyone's coffee for them?
D: You can't spell, write names, or remember things.
P: No.
D: So can I have like, a mocha chai tea latte steamed with extra milk on the side, or something - and you'd be like, here's a lemonade! Boom, see you later.
P: And I'd just spill it in their face.
D: Here's your coffee - ahhh. Melting faces.

Phil's chosen answer: confused weatherman

Dan's question: What form of torture would make Dan confess everything?
- wearing color and smiling
D: Maggie, you monster! How could you even suggest that!
P: See, I think you could maybe do one of those, but both at the same time-
D: Give us the nuclear codes - no. Here's a yellow t-shirt - ahh! I'd last for one second. Stay away from me.

- playing Hello, Internet on loop
D: There we go. There it is. Thanks, Emily. Been here for like five minutes, the first hello Internet joke. There we go, thank you.
P: They're just playing a video - hi, my name is [ Dan ].
D: You didn't even need to do that. Okay, everybody square bracketing at me in the audience right now - you think you're funny. I am gonna find you and block you. That is a threat.

- threatening to kill Phil
P: Awwwww.
Audience: Awwww.
D: Are you - [sarcastic] awww. I - I would like that. Are you kidding me?
P: Oh my gosh.
D: I've been on a tour bus with him for two months. Please release me from this mess.
P: Dan!
D: Honestly, I would love to have a cactus that stays alive for two weeks. That would be a great feature in my life, are you kidding me.

Dan's chosen answer: playing hello internet on loop

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary about their lives be called?
- Killed by a Kangaroo: Our Story
P: Oh my gosh! They have sharp claws, don't they?
D: They do - you could snuggle up to one for a selfie and those kangaroos, they are thicc, I'm telling you right now. Like, a kangaroo can probably choke-me-daddy, if you know what I'm saying.
P: Never say that again.
D: I bet furries are really into kang- I mean they're basically- okay sorry this is going to far.

- two bros sitting in a tour bus
D: Zero feet apart because there's no space. There is no - did you see those gaming videos?
P: There was no space.
D: We were sat on one chair, people.
P: It was hot.
D: It was an intimate environment. But we sweated through it to make content for you.
P: True story.

- a massive disaster: 4d
P: No one needs the Dan and Phil 4D experience.
D: What is the Dan and Phil 4D experience?
P: I literally fly off the stage and into people.
D: Phil gleeks on you. If you ever want to be spat on by AmazingPhil, here's your chance. Okay, who just screamed for that?
P: No one wants that.
D: [screeching] Spit on me! They didn't cheer for that.

Their chosen answer: killed by a kangaroo: our story
D: Lets be real, it's only a matter of days before that happens.
P: I think so.
D: Days. Honestly. We go to a wildlife park, or you die of chlamydia. 'cause Phil, he got a bit intimate with Dewey, you know what I mean. He supposed to hug him for two minutes - Phil was like, getting in the folds. It was good.
P: Dan. Stop saying words.
What's in Dan's Box?
- cereal
- dead houseplants
- his dignity
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - jellyfish (jellyfish are valid; don't shame creatures being lumpy and weird and stingy. if you were ugly and lumpy and transuscent dan would still love us, stop the same)
Phil - fresh toast (what if it's mystery toast and the spread is made of beetles)
Dan - vegemite (Dan is Team #YesToVegemite; nothing better than that yeasty little black tar)
Phil - flower crowns (bee stings your brain)
Dan - world war 3 (the sooner the humans nuke each other and the dogs can take over, it'll be a better world)
Phil - infinite pizza (drown in pizza)
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Australian things
P: tim tams
D: tim tams

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's Question: What t-shirt did Phil wear in phil is not on fire 7?
D: How the hell would I remember that?
P: You were in the video!
D: That's - okay - [to audience] I bet all of you know, you're like 'I watch it every day.'
P: Don't tell him.
D: Okay, alright.
P: I know it.
D: Pfft. Do you honestly remember-
P: Yeah.
D: God. Uhhhh... your New York City-
P: Noooo! [buzzes him]
D: Frick!
P: Friiick.
D: No that's right I said frick, this show is still monetized people.
P: Blue t-shirt with stars on it.
D: Oh for god - how would I know that. And you're looking at me like I was supposed to know that, okay, right fine.

Phil's question: What was Dan's first holiday?
P: Ooh.
D: The first time little Danny went abroad.
P: Okay...
D: There's a couple answers to this I'd suggest, but I'm curious to see what you'd say. Come on Phil...
P: So... uhh... first holiday... India?
D: No! [buzzes him] It was- [mocks Phil saying ow]
P: It was fizzy.
D: It was fizzy, guys. I think Phil's enjoying it. No, Phil, when I was two my parents took me to Ibiza. But technically when my mum was carrying me I was in Kenya, so there we go.
P: That's not a holiday if you're still inside the womb!
D: But either way you were wrong.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
(Phil gets it wrong, Dan gets... a pass because the game messed up?)

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is not able to fly, but Dan has to legally change his name to Trash Rat.
D: Are you serious? What is wrong with you, Cora.
P: Trash Rat is not on fire.
D: Am I not already spiritually trash rat is not on fire? Phil, do you actually need the ability to fly?
P: I do.
D: Are we taking- what would you do, you'd-
P: I'd save people from volcanos.
D: He would fly into a building and die, like a bird. He'd be like a bird who just [poofing noise] into an office and then just be dead.
P: So you're not gonna let me have it.
D: Honestly? No!
P: Bad friend! [buzzes him]
D: Bad friend? Did you just aggressively point at me and call me bad friend?
P: Next time you... fall off a cliff... I'm not gonna fly over to save you.
P: Okay, well, taking it personally.

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets to be the new James Bond, but Phil can never pet a dog again.
P: Oh!
D: That is twisted. What kind of sick individual are you?
P: But I think Dan would be a terrible James Bond.
D: [sputtering] Buhh? We need a comedy James Bond that dies in the first five minutes-
P: Exactly.
D: It'd be refreshing.
P: - the interrogation, if the villain is just gonna show you hello internet and you're gonna give them all the crystals.
D: All those crystals. Okay. Well honestly, Phil, come on.
P: I can - I need to be able to pet a dog again, so no!
D: Bad friend, bad friend! [buzzes him]
Real Conversation Time

How was the million hour long flight, guys?
D: Yes. That is true.
P: Turns out flying to Australia takes a while.
D: It's long af.
P: Why are you so far away?
D: Why are you so far away? Why does anybody live here?
P: I know.
D: You have like no internet cables. Shipping is so expens- I dunno, like, it was kind of-
P: It was a seventeen hour long flight.
D: Yes. It was... an experience.
P: And Dan didn't want to play I Spy once. I mean-
D: Did anyone see the instagram story where Phil was like, do you wanna play I Spy? He posted those with a bit of a gap. That was literally five minutes after we took off.
P: It was.
D: Heheh, hey Dan, wanna play I spy - I was like kill me, kill me, please. God, strike down this plane, save me.
P: I was a bit scared because the Pacific ocean is so mysterious.
D: The Pacific ocean is one thicc bih.
P: Yeah. So I was a bit worried, I was like what if a kaiju just eats the plane.
D: Yeah it had like a picture - you know when it shows like, this is the earth, and this is your flight route - it was just blue. And I was like... wow.
P: The whole thing was blue.
D: The earth is scary, man.
P: It was scary.
D: This is so deep. But we made it.
P: We made it here! I'm so happy to be here.
D: Aww. There were several moments where I wanted god to strike me down because I was sat next to Phil, but I am overall glad we survived.
P: Also the jetlag has made us productive humans that wake up at eight am.
D: Yes! That's very true. What is that?
When was the first time you guys came to Australia?
D: Oooh, okay.
Random Audience Member Shouting: TATINOF!
P: When did I come-
D: Wrong! Wrong, it was not TATINOF! Hah, you lose! Phantastic Phacts, ZAP! Sorry.
P: No, I've been before TATINOF-
D: When?
P: I think when I was fifteen?
D: In 1963?
P: I came to Australia for my mum's birthday, and we went all around and we went to the rain forest - I can't remember exactly where it was.
D: Yeah? Did you see any terrifying insects?
P: Yes! We were staying in a cabin and there was a gigantic - I think it was a Huntsman spider on the ceiling? And I was terrified.
D: Who just cheered for that? Woo, yeah.
P: So my brother - my brother was like put a glass over it, I was like, I'm gonna need a plate for this thing. So I got a giant dinner plate and I put it over the spider-
D: What is that gonna accomplish?
P: I don't know! And then I looked at my brother and he was like, you got it? And then I looked back at it and it was on my arm!
D: In that situation, you just have to chop off your arm.
P: Yeah.
D: See that's why I'd never go to 'a cabin' in any situation.
P: Exactly.
D: Thank you very much.
P: But as a kid I was obsessed with Neighbors and Home & Away, because we get your tv shows-
D: Because of some like weird commonwealth deal we just get all of your tv, so we have just like Round the Twist, all that kinda-
P: And like, mermaid girls or something.
D: This thing that was like a mermaid [audience v helpfully shouting H20 at them]. Honestly it's like - we are too cheap to make our own tv, lets just watch Australian stuff, where it's sunny and people are happy.
P: So I was excited to see that.
D: My first experience was very relevant too because I came to New Zealand when I was nine, and we stopped in Sydney briefly and I literally - I got off the plane at the airport, we had like two hours outside - I walked up to a planter that was outside the airport and had a rock. Picked up the rock, literally a spider jumped on my face. That was my first two minutes in Australia, I was like doot doot doot doot having fun, oh look a rock, BAM.
P: It was like, ooh a fellow spider.
D: Welcome to Australia, bitch.
P: And we also came to TATINOF as well.
I started watching you when I was thirteen and I'm going to college soon. How do I not think about my cringe past?
D: How to live with all the regrets from the embarrassing things you don't want - tell me [??].
P: Shane, any cringe stuff that happened in the past builds you into who you are today.
D: Exactly! Look, that is honestly true. Like people say Dan, you've made so many mistakes, you have so many regrets, how do you live with yourself? But the thing is we all have a random phase, we all look at a picture of ourselves from four years ago and go 'oh my god, was that my hair?'
P: Yeah. Exactly.
D: What was I thinking? Culture, why did you betray me? But all of these experience, they make you the person you are today, and hey - if I was never dani snot on fire and loved llamas and Delia Smith I wouldn't be standing here right now, so you need to own your past okay, and love it because it made you the beautiful [??].
P: Dan, I think Wholesome Howell is leaking.
Thank you to an anonymous benefactor for providing show audio!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by rizzo » Wed Sep 05, 2018 5:18 am

Brisbane - 22 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: We did something very unlike Dan and Phil yesterday.
P: We did.
D: We actually went outside. We went on like an actual excursion.
P: We did!
D: It's like a once a decade thing for us okay.
P: We got on a boat and went to Straddie.
D: That will not be the last offensive Australian accent that Phil does this evening. So I hope your ready, because Phil is gonna really decimate your culture.
P: [in australian accent] I just can't help it.
D: I'm gonna shove a Tim Tam down your throat. [crowd laughs] It was fun.
P: It was great.
D: It was kind of scary being outside, but it was nice. Phil was wearing like a lot of SPF 50.
P: I was.
D: Despite it being winter.
P: Just so I didn't set on fire. We did see some wild kangas.
D: We did! Actually, Phil was like, can I go up to one and have a selfie. I was like, if you want to get your intestines ripped out. You can try. I'll film it. It'll be really fun.
P: They have really sharp claws, so I avoided them.
D: But we saw loads of nature.
P: Yeah!
D: We saw a bandicoot in the wild.
P: Yeah! [crowd cheers]
D: No, no, I was disappointed.
P: Why?
D: It wasn't wearing pants. It didn't aggressively rotate when I went up to it. It just kind of looked like a rat, and I was like, it's a rat! And someone was like, no that's a bandicoot. And I was like, okay.
P: Yeah. It was a great experience though.
D: We also saw dolphins -
P: Oh yes!
D: I personally think that dolphins are evil, so I wasn't into that. But Phil, he was really excited.
P: I was excited! They're not evil.
D: But Phil got really close to the cliff edge trying to take a photo of the dolphins, so honestly it is a miracle that Phil is alive to do this show today.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What form of torture would make Phil confess everything?
- matching socks
D: Phil, here is a pair of socks that actually go together [screams]. Phil starts screaming.
P: Unmatching socks, I just can't be bothered matching them so I just get any two out of the drawer.
D: Yes. Nothing in Phil's life matches, and that's why it's so horrible to live with him.

- grating cheese on his face
P: No!
D: Is that like, you've got a cheese grater and you're just shaving parmesan on it? Or do you get the parmesan and you like actually grate it on his face?
P: Oh my gosh.
D: He is very dry, don't do that.
P: I'm one of those people who doesn't like cheese. I try, I just can't do it.
D: Cheese freak!

- taking Dan away from him
D: [fake gags] Would that make you confess everything?
P: I don't know. Maybe it would.
D: Okay bye.
P: The thing is, I don't have a sense of direction, so I rely on Dan to be a map.

Phil's chosen answer: grating cheese on his face

Dan's question: Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan's browsing history?

- two furries tied to a bed
P: Might borrowed that from Tomska.
D: Things I regret ever letting on the internet. You know that that's on wattpad somewhere.

- self-insert shrek fanfic
D: That is not on wattpad somewhere. What would that be?
P: What are you doing to shrek?
D: It's a steamy day in the swamp. You walk into the hut and shrek says 'you wanna see my layers?'
P: Stop!
D: Follow me on tumblr.

- bee movie yaoi
D: Okay! We need to take a hard... This is the single three most disgusting things I've ever heard. Wait, how many shows have we done? Seventy something? This is the worst thing I've ever seen, okay. This is filth.
P: Brisbane! I am shocked! This show is already demonetized.

Dan's chosen answer: self-insert shrek fanfic

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?
- The Phragrance
D: We ARE that creative. What is it going to be called? "The Amazing Smell is Not On Fire"? How creative and original we are. Don't come for us.
P: Coming soon to danandphilshop.

- Eau du Greasy Pizza
P: I mean greasy pizza is kind of a nice smell.
D: It is. All you need to do is put some pepperoni and then it's ready to go. Honestly, very realistic.

- [??]
P: Brisbane!
D: THAT is the worst thing that's ever happened. We've somehow managed to one-up what the hell we just read. If you don't understand the any of the things you read on the screen, then your soul is pure. Don't ask! Only people who truly are going to hell, understand any of the references.
P: Show meeee your favorite [answer?]-ussy.

Their chosen answer: ??
What's in Dan's Box?
- His Duck
D: A duck? You think a duck is in this box? That is one crispy duck, people. That duck is dead af.
- 2009 Dan
D: That is... I used to be flexible. That's ok. I can smell the maltesers from here.
P: The branding is strong.
- A very dead houseplant.
[......y'all know what the convo is here. I'm not writing it up.]
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Thanos
D: I'm just saying, there's certain sections of the population of the population that probably should die. Like the people that don't like vegemite. Sorry Phil. People that like pineapple on pizza. If you ask me, there's a lot of easy decisions that need to be made...
Phil - Houseplants
P: You think they're nice, but they're so hard to look after. They're like children. You love them so much and they just die. Little Timmy the Plant? Kill it.
Dan - Going to hell
D: Look, all the best things probably went to hell. Like who here likes reading weird fan fiction? Who likes playing "Where's the weird nipple on Harry Styles?" Do you think that there's wifi in heaven. Noooo. Hell might be bad, it might warm, but if it has wifi, it's the place to be.
Phil - Timothee Chalamet
P: Is anyone ever so perfect at everything that they just make you angry? And then you're watching him on screen and you're like "How can someone be so perfect?!" And then you claw your eyes out and then you die.
Dan - Setting fire to an orphanage.
D: Sometimes, burning down and orphanage can be a good thing. What if it's an orphanage full of cannibals? I'm just saying that, if you were accidentally set ire to any orphanage, it might as well be the orphanage full of cannibals. Or an orphanage full of children who don't like vegemite.
Phil - Infinite Sweets
P: It says "infinite", so first they start filling up the theatre, then suddenly you can't breathe, because you're completely covered in sweets then you're drowning in chocolate. And there's a Tim Tam in your eye and it's the last thing you see.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Tim Tam Flavor
P: Mint
D: White Chocolate

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's Question - What is Phil's mother's middle name?
D: How the hell would I know that? ...Mary?
P: Bad friend.
D: I'm sorry I don't know more about your mum, Phil. If I knew that's what you wanted, I'd get in there.
P: Anyway the answer is Gordon.... no it's not. She doesn't have one! Trick questions!

Phil's question - What did Dan wear in PINOF 3?
P: Three?! Who watches PINOF 3?... Like a grey thing with 2 stringy tassels!
D: I was wearing a grey hoodie with a vest. How the hell did you know that?!

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil got it wrong, Dan got it wrong

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is no longer allergic to pets, but you have to have your square hair forever.
P: Imagine all the cats I could sniff!
D: Keep your cats away from this man, people. You just said that, despite your allergies, you'd get a dog. So if you're honestly asking, if I would keep my 2011 square ha-- (electrocuted)
P: Bad friend.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is hanging off a cliff, but to save him you have to eat a block of goat cheese.
P: It's the worst kind of cheese. It smells like a goat!
D: Phil, I'm hanging off a cliff.
P: How high is the cliff?
D: It's a cliff. It's not a shelf. Dan is not hanging off a bench.
P: If it meant that you were about to die, I would eat the cheese!
Real Conversation Time

Are you going to hug anymore koalas on this trip?
P: It was such a good day hugging Dewey. And he smelled so good!
D: Have you ever smelled a koala? If you haven't, you need to sort your life out. They smell so- it smells like something that only eats eucalyptus, 'cause it's such an awful animal.
P: I'd like to hug another koala.
D; Would you feel like you're cheating on that koala? And you get chlamydia from this koala and you go back to Dewey and he'd be like "Who gave you chlamydia?" "No one! There's only you, Dewey! I swear!" And then he'd pee on you for cheating on him
P: So the answer is, I would like to.
Hey Phil, I want to breed my hamsters. Give me some tips.
D: Really? You're like, "I'm gonna be in a room with 3,000 people and we're all gonna have an interesting chat with Dan and Phil." [creep voice] "Phil, how do you get hamsters together?"
P: As a kid, I ran a hamster breeding business, so I know a lot about this. First of all, you set up a tiny dinner table, and sit both the hamsters at it, you dim the light, play some romantic hamster music - which is just normal music that's been sped up - then just let them go at it.
D: So basically, because none of that is true. You just get some hamsters and they just go at it. And then you have 64 hamsters.
P: Fact! A female hamster will only be in the mood once every 4 days. So those other 3 days she's just going to rip the male's head off. So, if they start fighting--
D: And THAT is gender equality!
P: So make sure you have space, because my hamsters had about 13 babies at a time.
D: I feel like this says a lot about Phil's development as a child. Just watching small hamsters either do it or rip each other's heads off. And that made him the man he is today! Oh my god, it explains everything.
Any advice for a shy person who wants to go to university?
D: That's a pretty common situation. When you're going to university. Or going to school. You're moving to the other side of the country.
P: Yeah. I was a shy person going to university.
D: And now you're super annoying.
P: The thing about starting a new place like that is that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is going to be worrying about what people will think of them, about the new place, about what's happening, so you've just gotta remember all these people have got that going through their head as well. So if someone seems friendly, just say hello.
D: They will be so relieved! What you need to realize... the secret of humanity is that everyone is just as anxious and terrified about everything all the time. If you go to uni and you're like "I"m so scared to talk to people. What if they don't like me?" LITERALLY EVERYBODY THINKS THAT. If you just go, "Hi!" They'll be like "Thank you God for sending me this nice person." Even you like, spill a drink on them or something like that, just do it to everybody and maybe you'll make a friend. Phil used to be a shy person and look at him now! The secret is that you just have to watch 60 hamsters do it.
Thank you to callofthecurlew for providing show audio and @whatdoiknow for tackling a portion of this transcript!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by rizzo » Tue Sep 11, 2018 4:35 am

Brisbane - 23 August 2018

Intro Banter
P: I have to say... G'Day Brisbane!
D: That was the first, but not the last time, Phil would offensively do an Australian accent. That's the thing to do... Traveling around the world decimating and offending cultures. That is what Dan and Phil do.
P: It's just so addictive.
D: I feel like we have to address the black shiny elephant in the room. What is on your face?
P: Oh yeah! It's a rare show where I'm wearing glasses!
D: I love that we're all passionate about having the right eyesight. That's good. That is the moral of this entire show.
P: ...'Cause we went to [???] and I think I might have gotten some kangaroo fluff in my eye.
D: He got a bit intimate with a marsupial and now he's got herpes in his eyeball. That's... that's what happened.
P: Thanks Dan
D: Although, you can see very well right now. This might be the first time I'm not scared he's gonna fall off stage.
P: Maybe! Maybe it'll help me.
D: Why would you even joke? There is a chance that might happen this evening!
P: So I had an interesting thing when I was face-timing my family and they told me that my grandad had eight brothers.
D: I love the cheering. "BROTHERS! YEAH!" Family! It's a good thing! That's the second moral of this story.
P: There was some family issue, because all of the brothers moved to Australia.
D: Why did the entire family leave YOUR grandad?
P: That's the story I don't have yet.
D: Because the Lesters are really annoying. He's messy, okay. I bet they were like, "We're all living together and you leave the cupboards open, Grandad Lester. I'm literally going to the other side of Earth to get away from you."
P: That could mean, though, that I've got at least 50 cousins out there that I don't know. So if you know anyone super tall, super pale...
D: Or secretly ginger and dye their hair black... [???] You could be related to Phil.
P: So that's exciting.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
- Killing the Most Houseplants

- A cereal-stealing contest
D: Only facts in this house, people. Thank you.
P: Dan, as my grandma would say, I'm a growing boy. I need nutrients.
D: You're a growing boy? Okay. Next time Phil's in Australia he'll be 9'12".

- Putting up with Dan
D: ExCUSE me?
P: The screaming on the gaming channel alone...
D: That's true actually. Does anybody here even have working ears anymore?

Phil's chosen answer: Cereal-stealing contest

Dan's question: What does Dan dream about at night?

- His Dream Pursuit
P: Do you think you'd build yours from scratch or buy a used one?
D: USED? Like a craigslist fursuit? Thank you for that one.

- His Old Branding

- Phil
D: Ooooh, ok. It's me finally choking you to death as you spit out cornflakes [???] The sweet release I need.

Dan's chosen answer: Phil

Joint Dan and Phil question: What would a documentary of their lives be called?
D: Let's be real, I honestly think society will adegrade to a point where that's what documentaries will be called one day. "I Almost lived with my murderer! XD NO CLICKBAIT"

- Ding Dong & Flip Flop
D: I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I'm actually really upset by that.
P: I like the name Flip Flop!
D: I do not like the name Ding Dong. Let's just stop that right the hell now. That does not leave the room.

- How to Do [???]
D: Literally me right now.

Their chosen answer: DP GONE SEXUAL
What's in Dan's Box?
- Nick Jonas
D: You think that Nick Jonas is in this box, buddy? BUDDY? Nick Jonas is dead af, people. He's crispy like one of Phil's houseplants right now.

- His Fursuit

- A secret box of cereal that Phil can't eat
P: I could sniff it out!
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Toenail Clippings
We need to love every part of ourselves. You need to love your toenail clippings. you need to love your poop. Everything about us is beautiful. You can use it to pick up things, like fluff on the floor. just stuff it. Like a cocktail sausage, you should stab it with a toenail. We should recycle and that's why it's a good thing.
Phil - Winning the Lottery
It depends who wins the lottery. It could be someone that's gonna spend it on loads of weird stuff, like me. I'd buy a plane, strap it to another plane, double plane!
Dan - Being on fire
Imagine a little boy, he's 13, he's singing up to a youtube channel. What's his username? "danisnotonfire"? [A whole waffle and a half about this.] One day he actually sets himself on fire, then he's finally free.
Phil - Free wifi
That means that government can see everything you're doing on the website. They're in your incognito tab. They're looking at you through your webcam.
Dan - Spoilers
Sometimes there are situations when things have to be spoiled, cause they are too much for a human to process. We've all been there, you're feeling fine, then Tom Holland says, "I don't feel so good..." Who here will never recover from the heartbreak of that movie?
Phil - World Peace
Then everyone would want to stay on earth and we'd never go investigate other dimensions. Then the aliens would be like, "Oh! They're so nice it's time to take over." And then we're all getting probed.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: marsupial
P: wombat
D: kangaroo

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: In what grade did Phil break his nose?
D: I'm gonna guess in British school years. I think you were in Year 2.
P: No! Bad friend.
D: What was it?
P: Year 4. I was playing trains and I was the front of the train and I stopped in front of a wall and then everyone piled into the back of me. And I was like boom.

Phil's question: What year did Dan get his ears pierced?
D: This is the kind of weird friend knowledge that all of you should have about each other.
P: You've had pierced ears ever since I've known you. So. I think, you were...
D: The year Phil.
P: I don't know years!
D: Well that's the question, come on.
P: I think it was 16!
D: Phil! What YEAR?
P: ....2004?
D: Are you an idiot? I was frickin' 12 when that happened. Great math, Phil. Also, I was 17, not 16 so DOUBLE ZAP! Don't make 2 guesses if you don't want 2 zaps.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil gets it wrong
Dan gets it right

Dan and Phil Dilemmas

Dan's dilemma: Phil is about to totally get dead, but to save him, you have to tweet your internet history.
D: So life in prison is what we're talking about. Okay, look, how seriously are we taking this? If you are actually going to die, obviously I'd tweet. I know you all say you'd stick with me, but none of you would stick with me. Honestly. You would run fast.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is about to be dropped in a volcano, but to rescue him you have to wear the cheese suit forever.
P: What?! I'm not wearing the cheese suit forever!
D: Who thinks that Phil looked great in the cheese suit?
P: It was very chilly. I hardly had anything underneath.
D: It was very chilly for you? Well it's gonna be very warm for me if you don't do it.
P: Dan has a way of getting out of situations...
D: Are you honestly saying that you wouldn't wear the cheese suit?
P: No!
D: Oh my god! Bad friend.
Real Conversation Time

What are your favorite things about Australia?
D: [sarcastic] The people! No, I'd say... The animals. Not the bugs, not the spiders or the snakes or various other things. We've never seen, like, a giant spider. Yet.
P: Yet. I'm scared there's one behind me now.
D: Do they have them in Brisbane?
[crowd says Yes]
D: [??]...even if there's one in my face. No, Dan. No there's no spiders here, you're fine.
P: It was so awesome seeing actual wild kangaroos though.
D: We saw bandicoots when we were in Australia the other day. I was underwhelmed personally. It wasn't wearing pants, it didn't spin violently.
P: I really like the food. I love the Tim Tams.
D: Phil is just here for the biscuits, everybody. That's all he cares about.
P: Everything's super good. I had some crisps earlier, they're called.... Samboys? They were good.
D: So I said the people and you said the crisps. Okay.
I'm a weirdo. [Dan quotes Riverdale.] That hardly watches TV shows. What am I missing out on?
D: What are you missing out on? Making friends and then the tv show ends and then you have no friends and you're heartbroken forever.
P: You should definitely watch The Good Place.
D: We're going down this completely wrong [??]. If you don't watch TV, don't watch TV, watch Anime instead. Real human beings will just disappoint you. You need to sit down under a blanket, watch all of Yuri on Ice, cry for 12 hours.. [??] That is my honest answer.
P: Enjoy not going outside for a long time.
Any advice for the first day starting a new job?
D: Don't sell any axes to children. If you go to a music festival, don't tell your boss you have diarrhea and then he calls home to see if you're okay and your mom picks up and tells him you're at a music festival. So there are some things that you shouldn't do.
P: Actual advice would be... ask lots of questions. Because you shouldn't just try to make it up on the spot and get everything wrong.
D: I feel attacked right now. I used to work in a hardware store and people would be like "Hi! My sink exploded. What do I do?" And I'd be like, "I don't know! You take this screw and you put it in the sink!" And then I'd just run away. I've probably murdered like 5 families by giving them the wrong home advice.
P: They're still under their sinks right now.
D: So just ask questions. Anything else?
P: I'd say don't worry about it too much, because everyone has a first day of work. Like the boss has had a first day of work. So you'll be fine.
D: So you're like, "It's only up from here!" Like my youtube channel.
P: And if you're a hair dresser, don't sneeze!
Thank you to callofthecurlew and kateypops for providing show audio!

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