I couldn’t believe that this important video had not been time stamped yet, so I took a crack at it with some more of the longest timestamps ever...
0:00 – This video already feels like a ‘Very Special Episode’ of Daniel Howell. Dan is going to share something that he’s never talked about before. Dan’s lightbox says “World Mental Health Day”. The title of the video is Daniel and Depression.
0:01 - Dan is wearing his favourite jumper, as far as I can tell from the amount of times he wears it
0:08 - Dan thinks this may come as a shock to literally everyone. I have no idea if this was true, as I was mere weeks into my Phandom journey at the time this video came out.
0:15 - Dan admits he has suffered from depression and forces himself not to do an awkward laugh because there is nothing funny about that.
0:22 - Dan, understandably, hasn’t shared this with us before because he felt like he was still going through it.
0:29 - “Guys! I’m better, who wants tips?”
0:32 - Dan is in a reasonably good place right now and hopes he can help other people by making this video
0:52 - Dan gives a definition of depression
1:06 - Ugly crying
1:08 - Dan cites “a bird pooping in something you’re about to eat” as a reason to feel sad. I feel there is unexplored backstory here.
1:17 - Dan threw a birthday party for his laptop
1:26 - Dan does a good job of explaining how depression differs from regular sadness
1:53 - Depression hole
1:54 - Relatable explanation of how depression has affected Dan. His life becomes desaturated and he can’t make himself do anything.
2:28 - Dan plays (presumably) Phil in scenarios that he would usually feel excited about. “It’s Sunday and you can literally play games all day!”, “The final episode of Game of Thrones is about to start!”
2:49 - “Ah Dan, look what I’ve got some freshly microwaved popcorn *sniff* MMmm don’t you want to eat some? *cricket noises* Oh no it’s falling all over your head, it would be a shame if some went in your mouth!”
3:01 - Heartbreaking description of a negative spiral of thoughts and how he used to deal (poorly) with it by locking himself away, or going out for a walk without telling anyone or taking his phone.
3:38 - Filling the hole with pizza
3:56 - Dan explains the difference between depression due to something bad happening and clinical depression
4:17 - Some reasons why people could be depressed; biological lack of dopamine and serotonin, something wrong with your brain, genetic factors - Dan had an uncle with bipolar disorder
4:32 - The uncle is dead. Cause unspecified.
4:37 - Dan, this pretty, articulate, geeky, theatre kid got bullied every day at his kind of rough secondary school in Winnersh. I am sympathetic (been there) but also entirely unsurprised, because kids can be dicks.
4:40 - Dan mentions struggling with his identity
4:42 - “Pretty much all of my environments were bad”
4:52 - “I used to think it was just who I was”
4:55 - The start of Dan’s journey with seeing doctors
5:09 - “This is holding me back in life, this is not how I am supposed to be, and I want to overcome it”
5:30 - Medical disclaimer, Dan is not a professional
5:45 – “Taking basic self-care very seriously, which sounds really stupid and obvious, but if you don’t there’s no point in even trying”
5:54 – Dan in the shower, for all the pervs out there
5:55 – Vase drinking gag migrating to Dan’s channel
5:57 – Eating well is illustrated by Dan eating a plate full of fruit, including skin on oranges and grapefruit, with a knife and fork.
5:58 – Getting a good night’s sleep at 6:22pm
6:00 – Dan is a “night owl” who stays awake until 3am every day looking at memes and therefore finds it challenging to get a good night’s sleep but it is literally essential to being a functional human being.
6:12 – Dan couldn’t do it alone and confided in close friends and made a commitment to getting better (important)
6:23 – “Sure thing, famalam”
6:24 – Dan encourages violent intervention if he doesn’t go outside for 3 days.
6:30 – “I will run you the sickest bubble bath and have you in bed at 6pm” – Side note: Dan is right handedly using Phil’s phone in these scenes to denote him playing someone other than himself in the skit. Is it supposed to be Phil? If so why would Phil need to break into Dan’s apartment? #phandivorce #twoflats
6:35 – Dan’s journey with therapy. He has been seeing a therapist since late 2013/early 2014.
6:43 – Example of what a stereotypical view of therapy might be: It’s all about daddy issues.
7:06 – Dan is worried that he might be a bit of a furry. Fast forward to April 2018 and his furry identity forms an integral part of a stage show that will be performing in front of thousands of people almost every day for months. So I guess he got over it and learned to accept his furry self.
7:14 – Dan teases a whole other hilarious video about therapy. Hype.
7:16 – Dan talks about antidepressants. He took Citalopram, which is a commonly prescribed one. He’s come off them now.
7:50 – Side effects of citalopram. He didn’t get the painful erections (phew, I guess?) but it did make Dan gain loads of weight really quickly. Much like eating vast amounts of pizza.
8:03 – Adventures in dosing.
8:29 – Dan becomes visibly upset at the prospect of having to recommend exercise. He lists all the ways in which exercise can help with depression. He forces himself to do it by making plans to do it with other people. He (impressively) trains for 7hrs a week
9:07 – Phil’s exercise sneak-cam “Extend your spine Dan” Dan censors himself swearing here, which tells you how seriously he is taking this topic and video.
9:17 – Getting to the stage he is at now (where he doesn’t need antidepressants any more) has taken literal years, and requires constant vigilance on his part. He still has depressive episodes a couple of times a month.
9:39 – Interesting shot of Dan in bed (the video thumbnail), waking up in the black hole of depression. Phil must have been straddling him, standing on the bed to get this angle. :twisted:
9:48 – A ghost version of Dan.
9:57 – Invisibility of depression, people didn’t realize he was suffering because he managed to have a successful career, travel, do events, make videos etc. People wonder why he doesn’t reply to them, their emails, or post on social media for days at a time – this is why.
10:20 – Dan felt uncomfortable talking about it because he doesn’t want to be defined by it, he doesn’t want it to be an excuse, and he doesn’t want sympathy.
10:40 – “I am everything that I am in spite of this thing constantly holding me back.” Dan gets angry when he considers what he could have done and what he could have been without depression keeping him at bay. He likes making jokes about it as it objectifies it as this thing that does not define who he is and that he is not alone with.
11:01 – This is a big part of his story that he thinks people should know and understand.
11:05 – People watching the video who suffer with mental health problems should know that they can talk about it and it can get better. It has for Dan.
11:30 – There are a lot of morons out there who talk shit about depression.
11:36 – “Depression is a thing. It’s an illness that people can’t control. It’s not cool, or mysterious. It sucks, and if you don’t have it you should be glad and learn how to be there for people who do.”
11:50 – Dan is sharing this story with no shame.
12:07 – Reminder that Dan is not and expert and is only talking about his own experience here.
12:44 – Bloopers coda
To interject here, I BLOODY LOVE the coda of this video. Looking back, Phil must have been instrumental in supporting Dan (in whatever capacity, be it romantic or platonic) through his depression and I feel like Dan is publicly acknowledging his best friend here. Through thick and thin and birds pooping in food, Phil has been there for Dan. I am almost certain that Dan would have felt like he couldn’t make this video without somehow giving a shout out to Phil for all the love and support he has provided over the years. My gut says that this coda is his clever, subtle way to do it without causing a drama shitstorm. As Phil has helped Dan make this video, so too has he helped him through his struggle with depression.
I’m reading a lot into 6 seconds of a video (UM HELLO? THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS FORUM?) but the coda sealed this for me as being one of the best, if not the best Dan video ever made. The whole thing is flawless.
Videos posted on the danisnotonfire channel
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