BATTLE FOR THE BOOTY - Dan and Phil Play: Golf With Friends #7 (14 December 2018)

Videos posted on the DanAndPhilGAMES channel
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itasca00
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You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
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itasca00
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kavat wrote: Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:53 pm Look who bothered to do timestamps for the first time in ages

0.19 The outfits are left over from something. Were they pirates in one of the calendars? Or just in Tatinof? Are they cleaning out storage again? :hmmm:
0.35 Choke me daddy, festive edition
0.38 This silent pause followed by giggle is super cute for absolutely no reason
1.48 Dan winks and says he can host? There's something here I don't understand, someone please fill me in.
2.24 There's an angry purple crab on a box. That's me if the dvd doesn't arrive before Christmas.
3.04 Absolute twit nipple. I think that's a new one.
3.53 Dan likes to bounce off the rim.
4.02 Oh woow, "what what in the putt" gave me major flashbacks to a video I haven't thought about in about 10 years. What is life.
4.25 Are you pulling my peg leg. British people and their weird sayings.
4.50 Ass is always on Phil's mind is what i'm learning.
5.48. "Gayly adjusting my stance" Of course you are Phil, of course you are.
6.03 Phil wants to bribe youtube?
6.10 And he's edging us. Yeah bribing sounds about right.
6.29 Dan needs Phil to appreciate his ass joke. It just wasn't that good.
6.39 The goldfish has strap-ons now? Does Phil need a cold shower?
7.07 They talk in unison and I'm scared?
8.00 Oingo boingo I'm a dick
9.23 Plankspank.com sadly doesn't exist.
10.17 Stop saying "put it in", please Daniel
11.54 "Right in the poop deck" okay no that was worse
12.04 Lol the dolphin made me laugh
14.08 I can't.
14.48 Phil likes his ruffles it seems
18.55 "Am I sexual" I think the answer is clearly yeah
21.40 It's actually quite satisfying when Phil scores
22.03 Yeah I'm 99% sure that phanfiction exists.
22.41 "You love a good tentacle don't you"
23.23 And Phil doesn't want a hook up. I'm not convinced after all that.

All in all it felt like a culmination of all the jokes about holes and whacks and rims throughout the series. It's been good but it's time for something new.
itasca00 wrote: Sat Dec 15, 2018 1:10 am
kavat wrote: Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:53 pm 1.48 Dan winks and says he can host? There's something here I don't understand, someone please fill me in.
In the game, someone has to "host" the room that other people then join to play with you, and Dan was doing this for the game with him and Phil. That's the tie in to what was happening in the game, but obviously Dan had a double meaning.

Perhaps Dan was referring to something else, but, in hookup culture, saying you're able to "host" (on your profile or when chatting) means you're able to have someone over to your place for a hookup. (This is in contrast to saying you're able to "travel," which means you're able to get yourself to someone else's place for a hookup.)
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
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itasca00
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itasca00 wrote: Sat Dec 15, 2018 12:38 am This video continues the trend of Dan and Phil making more and more weirdly sexual videos, and it was absolutely incredible! Here are my highlights:
  • [0:18] Dan says they had their pirate outfits left over from “somewhere.” Hmm...I wonder where? 😏
  • [0:32] Great start to the video. Really sets the tone well, I think.
    D: I’m surprised you didn’t--
    P: It’s like I got--
    D: --choke yourself to death.
    P: --a whole new neck.
    D: Choke me, Daddy: festive edition.
  • [1:47] I'm down.
    D: Don’t worry. I can host. *winks*
  • [2:11] Dan cracks his knuckles. I know he's done this before, but I really heard it this time, and it made my skin crawl.
  • [3:02] Dan's insults are becoming ever more creative:
    P: I think it was a cannon.
    D: Not that, you absolute twit-nipple. The thing in the background. Right.
    P: That was your mum.
  • [3:25] What Phil said really wasn't at all suggestive. I guess someone's mind is just in the gutter...
    P: It was close! That was close.
    D: Okay. Stop talking about how close it is. This video is immediately banned.
  • [4:22] Is it bad that this actually made me laugh out loud?
    D: Oh, what the f--Are you kidding me?
    P: Oh, no.
    D: Are you pulling my peg leg?
  • [4:46] "Filled with ass" doesn’t even make any sense, but I’m not complaining.
    D: And they’ve--Look, they’ve also got some big coin purses over there. They’ve got some fat booty--
    P: Yeah.
    D: --here on this deck.
    P: They’re just filled with ass. They’re not even coins.
  • [5:42] Capita£ester’s solution to any problem: Send them some money.
    D: You thought that walking the plank was just, like, gaily jumping--
    P: Yeah!
    D: --off the ship for no reason? “Alright. Here’s a bit of rope.”
    P: Right.
    D: “Come back up, Nevin.” Right.
    P: I’m gaily adjusting my stance now, so I can go right down the middle.
    D: I feel sorry for whoever works at YouTube--
    P: Look.
    D: --and has to approve this for monetization.
    P: Melinda likes us.
    D: I’m sor--Just delete the whole channel. Right.
    P: We’ll send you some money.
  • [6:08] Edging and ass on DanAndPhilGAMES. Because why not?
    P: Oh, that was so close to the edge!
    D: Phil’s edging us, guys.
    P: Oh. Ooh!
    D: But we’re watching, and we’re learning.
    P: That’s not bad. That’s not bad. That’s a big amount of gold, actually.
    D: That’s a massive pile of booty over there.
    P: Yeah.
    D: That is ass central.
    P: So much ass. Alright.
    D: Yarse.
    P: There we go. Not too bad. Nine-nine.
    D: Ya--Ya--Yarse.
    P: Yarse. What is this?
    D: Like arse. Phil.
    P: I got it. I got it.
    D: Okay.
  • [6:38] Oh, we know exactly what you mean, Phil. 😏
    P: Oh, they’re not part of their body. They’re just strap-ons. See?
    D: That’s--
    P: You know what I mean!
  • [7:07] Dan and Phil speak in unison. Apparently, this is a reference to some iconic sponsorship (videos here and here) of something called T4.
    D: My go by Toyota--
    D&P: --sponsors T4.
  • [7:20] Phil calls his golf ball (or Dan?) a “biatch.”
  • [7:46] Apparently, in Phil’s mind, posh pirates eat slices of their parrots. :shrug:
  • [7:59] The words of a true poet:
    D: Boing, boing. Shit. Oingo, boingo. I’m a dick.
  • [9:23] This domain name is currently not registered, so I don’t know what they’re so worried about.
    D: plankspank.com. Don’t go on there.
    P: No, really don’t.
  • [10:14] I enjoyed the way Dan said this, especially his expression:
    D: That was a slow one. Made you think I wasn’t gonna do it, and then I put it in.
  • [12:04] Dan says “ooh” like a ghost/dolphin.
  • [13:06] Hmmm...okay then.
    D: I guess some people are, you know, just skilled booty raiders, and some people are losers.
    P: I thought I was going straight for the booty, and now it’s almost close again.
    D: You missed a booty.
  • [13:42] Phil says “Scheiße." It may not be English, but that's definitely an actual swear word.
  • [14:48] Phil says that he sometimes wants to explore with fashion, and Dan seems unconvinced. He asks Phil what that means, and Phil says that he likes the feeling of the sleeves on his arms and that there are “so many textures out there.” Dan is not impressed.
  • [15:27] Cheers, Phil. :ribena:
    D: I’m gonna defecate.
    P: I’m already having rum back there with the boys--
    D: I’m gonna deca-cate.
    P: --and you’re in the middle of the ocean.
    D: Rum with the boys? Alright.
  • [17:23] Phil threatens to walk out of the room and never come back. Dan says that that’s fine and that Phil’s gonna grow a beard. Phil says there’s gonna be a newspaper headline that reads, “Where’s he gone?”
  • [18:52] “Golf gone sexual” could be the tagline for this entire video. :lol:
    D: Here we go.
    P: Oh, that is sexual.
    D: This is gonna happen.
    P: *To the tune of “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” by the Backstreet Boys* “Am I sexual?”
    D: Golf gone sexual.
    P: “Yeah.”
  • [19:07] This is only a highlight because of the voice Dan used:
    D: Caw, caw. You’re crap! Caw!
  • [20:35] I guess Dan can make anything kinky:
    P: Pirates had duels! They could just, like, hook their hooks together and throw each other in the ocean. *pretends his finger is a hook and scrapes at Dan’s face with it.*
    D: I’m pretty sure they swashbuckle, and they have sword fights. They don’t link hooks.
    P: I think they do.
    D: That--That is something else that they do. Probably on the poop deck. I don’t want to know about it.
  • [21:17] Dan says, “I’m here,” then it looked like he stopped himself from saying something else. I wonder what it could possibly be? 😏
  • [21:52] Sounds like someone’s jealous:
    P: I got the octopus. He’s gonna marry me. We’re gonna have tentacle hooked babies with parrots on the crib.
    D: I would rather die than see that happen. Okay.
    P: I’m gonna look up some fanfiction later.
  • [22:16] Quite the mental image there:
    D: God, spank me with a plank, and call me Poopy Susan. I am out of strokes. Out of luck.
  • [22:37] I don't know what Dan wants. It sounds like Phil's just trying to be supportive of Dan's kinks!
    D: I think that was my favorite one. It wasn’t too hard. It was quite fun.
    P: Yeah.
    D: It had a tentacle.
    P: Over quite fast. You love a good tentacle. Don’t you? Have you seen those fingers? That are--Each one is a tentacle. Should get some of those.
    D: No, you shouldn’t.
  • [23:22] Ah, yes. The perfect end to the perfect video: :lol:
    P: So give us a piratey hook up--
    D: One hook up.
    P: --if you--like, a hook up, not a “hookup”-- if you enjoyed this video.
  • Both Dan and Phil's individual merch links point to danandphilshop.com, which is still fine since the joint shop is still in operation.
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
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