My first ever attempt at timestamps! They ended up very long...
0:00 – Phil is currently in Edinburgh and takes 0.1 seconds to make a mildly racist Irn Bru reference
0:01 – Let us take a moment to react to Phil Lester’s creamy, perfect, luminous skin. His skincare routine is ON POINT.
0:08 - #spon
0:19 – Phil invents a jingle for the hotel review section of his ‘filmed on tour’ videos
0:33 – 2.5 Stars, would not return. This was due to inoperable cupboards, FBI spy camera, separate taps and a squeaky floorboard.
0:36 – Blessed quiff-reveal selfie. Seriously, absolutely perfect skin.
0:48 – “Okay Edith, calm down”
0:55 – Phil is going to take a journey through the timeline of his 4 worst ever haircuts. He struggles to count to 4 on his own fingers.
0:56 – Worst hairstyle #1 “The Glowing Neon Beacon”. Phil is fully ginger in this picture.
1:04 – Phil has a minor breakdown looking at a picture of his 11(?) year old ginger self
1:15 – Baby Phil and Martyn pic. D’awww.
1:18 – Gratuitious ripped surfer photo
1:20 – Gratuitous Chris Hemsworth photo (Phil, we get it!)
1:30 – Phil blames cheap Portuguese hair dye for this ginger catastrophe. Props to Phil’s parents for allowing an 11 year old to express himself in this way tbh.
1:50 – This hair gets 0/5 from Phil. I would almost go minus points here. This is definitely the worst ever Phil haircut, but maybe that’s harsh as he was 11 at the time.
1:52 – Worst Hairstyle #2 “The Inbetweeners Hair”. AKA Gelled and spiked up at the front hair such as you might find on any typical teenage boy.
1:54 – “Phil just bought some hair gel and doesn’t know what to do with it” Not that. Phil is going to pop balloons with this hair.
2:06 – Phil predicts a 90’s revival
2:11 – 2/5 for the Inbetweeners Hair. Agreed, it’s boring, normie hair.
2:19 – Big lead in for Worst Hairstyle #3 that Phil titles “Too Long What Are You Even Doing To Yourself”
2:21 – Alright picture of Phil with long hair. Philip, I love you, but we are going to have words about how you are DEAD WRONG on the topic of this hairstyle.
2:37 – Phil explains that he grew his hair long because he was given a part in a film (Faintheart) as a Viking LARP enthusiast (or something, never seen it – fake fan) and he had to have long hair.
2:51 – “Why? Why? Why did no-one in my life tell me how bad my hair was?” – because it wasn’t that bad, you divot!
3:05 – Long hair Phil gets -5/5. The scale and Phils face goes into the negative. Sorry, but no. This hair was not worse than the ginger hair, and it was better even than the Inbetweeners hair. Phil, you are dead wrong in your opinions on this haircut, sincerely A Fan.
3:10 – Worst Haircut #4 “Giant Birds Nest Head”. This is the iconic, Pinof 1 early Phil hair, illustrated by a nice b&w 2009 era selfie. Possibly he showed the hairdresser a picture of L from Death Note and said “Do that”.
3:22 – “It was all just for the perfect MySpace photo”
3:24 – This hairdo was achieved using vast amounts of hairspray. This could explain much about early Phil videos. Exposure to naked flames would have made him go “whoompf”
3:28 – Practical moneysaving tips for New Years Eve
3:31 – Interesting see-saw hand gestures
3:35 – Example of the “standard AmazingPhil emo hair” which Phil doesn’t think looked that bad. It was fine. Just not for 8 years. Personally, I found it a bit Lego-y at times and a bit Hitler-y at other times.
3:43 – Hideous picture of Phil with shaved sides.
3:53 – Phil goes a bit deeper on the psychological comfort he drew from having his standard emo-fringe haircut. It feels like we’re getting a little peek at Phil Lester from this part of the video, rather than AmazingPhil.
3:58 – Mirror universe footage of Phil fiddling with his hair before shooting a video.
4:08 – Phil didn’t change his hair for 8 years because he was worried that it was inextricably linked with his branding. (His twitter bio was even “That guy with the hair from Youtube and Radio 1” if I remember correctly)
4:25 – Phil agonized for weeks and consulted extensively with Dan, his literal other half, before changing his hair.
4:48 – Waving the flag as the “last of the dying emos”
5:00 – He didn’t want to be a 60 year old guy with black emo hair that he’d never changed. Which raises the question, when will Phil stop dying his hair? It must be HELL ON EARTH to keep up with his roots on a quiff, where the merest hint of regrowth will be instantly visible. He probably has ‘people’ who do it for him, but he must be respraying that shit every 4 weeks, minimum. Black is such an unforgiving shade for root regrowth.
5:08 – He acknowledges that he probably should have made his mind up and changed his hair before they did the tour promo photoshoot. Oops. Side note: I kind of do a double take when I see a picture/video of fringe-Phil now. Quiff-Phil is my mental standard Phil. Don’t even get me started on fringe-Dan, I got into the Phandom post Daniel rebrand so when I see fringe-Dan I don’t even know who I’m looking at.
5:11 – Fireworks effect is paying for itself
5:13 – Creepy “yaassss”
5:15 – How to achieve a Phil Quiff: sea salt spray and upside down hairdrying
5:19 – “Quifftown”
5:23 – Phil-can’t-go-outside-in-sunlight-or-he-will-set-on-fire joke we have heard 5000 times before
5:29 – People have noticed that Phil is more confident with his new haircut. We stan a confident model!
5:40 – Heartwarming moral of the story is that Phil hopes he had inspired people to make a big or small change in their own lives so they can get the same “little boost” that he did.
5:57 - Phil is going to explore Scotland and possibly get some Irn Bru (accent rating -15/10)
6:00 - #sponnydingdong
Hooray! Long live Quiffed Phil! I love his new hair, and this video
Videos posted on the AmazingPhil channel
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