VidCon US 2019: Tackling Mental Health Online (11 July 2019)

itasca00 · Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:40 am

For posterity, the reaction to this panel in the main thread starts here.

itasca00 · Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:41 am

This was a nice panel! It was fun to see Dan interact with other creators, and it’s always fun to hear more about Dan’s worldview. It was also very interesting to hear some additional thoughts about “Daniel and Depression,” “Trying To Live My Truth,” and “Basically I’m Gay.” Here are my timestamps:

The following is all part of the same response:
- [1-14:33] Dan is asked how his audience reacted to him taking a “break” from uploading to YouTube over the past several months for his mental health. Dan starts with a tangent about how poor mental health is an invisible illness. He says awareness has gotten a lot better over the past few years. He claims the video “Daniel and Depression” came out in 2018 , and he says that no one knew he was struggling with his mental health until he uploaded that video.
- [1-16:09] Dan comes back to (the “break” part of) the question. He says that he feels like he puts a piece of himself online whenever he uploads a video. With the frequency of the gaming channel that he and Phil “had” ([1-16:31]), he felt like he had no space for personal growth behind the scenes between uploads. He decided to upload “Trying To Live My Truth” and not come back until he was ready. He didn’t want to use his professional life to procrastinate on his personal life.
- [1-17:19] Dan says that the plot twist here is that he was a massive queer the whole time, and this is another example of how you don’t know what’s happening in someone’s life unless you communicate these things. It’s really hard to talk about what’s happening in your life and how you’re feeling, but it’s so important to do it.
[1-17:54] Gabbie Hanna says that “Daniel and Depression” is what motivated her to start talking about her own struggles with mental health. She also says that his “Basically I’m Gay” video was really beautiful, and she encourages everyone to go watch it. Dan says that it better be good since it basically took a whole year to make.
[1-18:28] Hannah Hart says that she thought “Trying To Live My Truth” was going to be Dan’s coming out video. Dan responds that that was the whole point. There were certain things that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet, including sexuality, mental health, and personal relationships. On YouTube, he didn’t feel like he was being the person he knew he was on the inside, and he knows it was the right decision to stop uploading until he had dealt with the things from his personal life that were holding him back.
[1-20:05] Dan repositions himself so that he has both feet up on the couch. It’s cute. That is all.
[1-23:35] Dan talks about the pressure from YouTube culture to upload weekly/frequently. He says he had a literal mental breakdown when he tried to upload weekly 5-6 years ago for a period of about 4 months. He felt guilty and shameful for not uploading more frequently. Even innocent comments like, “I really like you! Can I have some new content?” made him feel horrible. He thinks the YouTube culture about uploading frequency is changing for the better.
[1-26:24] In response to a story Gabbie told about how she came to make a video that revitalized her channel by going through a breakdown, Dan says that there’s a phrase that goes “a breakdown is actually a breakthrough.” He says that that’s not him being original. He says that being backed into a corner is sometimes a good thing because it can force you to reckon with something you’ve been avoiding.
[1-29:50] In response to Hannah commenting that it’s never been an option for her to have a breakdown because she’s always been responsible for providing for her family, Dan says that he likes that this story highlights how you never know what someone might be struggling with behind the scenes despite all outward appearances. His family has never had any money, and there’s always been pressure on him not to fuck up his career because he would have to start from zero.
[1-32:26] Dan says that one of his favorite things about YouTube and coming out is watching the different ways people do it because it’s a beautiful way to see the different kinds of creators people are. He liked Elle Mills's coming out video because it was so extra and on-brand for her.
[2-1:29] Dan says, “Monetize your pain.”
The following is part of the same response:
- [2-2:18] Dan says that struggling with labels held him back from talking about his sexuality. He maybe could have made a coming out video in 2014 or 2015, and it would have been half of what he ended up making this year. He felt especially confused when people online started talking about gender identity because he didn’t know what he felt anymore. He wanted to come out as “something” so that his sexuality wasn’t a “weird secret” anymore, but he felt a weird stress. He says that anyone who feels like that probably shouldn’t because they can just come out as a “Q.”
- [2-3:14] Dan starts talking about a different topic: the fine line when talking about depression, anxiety, and sexuality between saying the right thing to be helpful and saying something that’s going to stress someone out. Dan says that he felt he had to be really careful in not making the story in “Basically I’m Gay” too sad or stressful because he still wanted to give people hope. He didn’t want to whitewash what had happened to him, but he also didn’t want to scare anyone off because “the moment you come out, your life instantly becomes a million times better.” He also didn’t want anyone to feel that if coming out hadn’t gone perfectly for them, something was wrong because “everyone’s life is a mess.”
[2-6:40] The panel is asked what advice they have for aspiring creators who are starting out today and who want to be conscious of their mental health. Dan says that you should make what you want to make how and when you want to make it. You shouldn’t feel forced to do anything. You should do it because you love it. Lots of YouTubers work really hard, finally make it, then have a mental breakdown. We all choose how hard we work and what we have to sacrifice to do that. People should always do something because they love it, always remind themselves where they’re at, and try not to work themselves into a corner.
The following is part of the same response:
- [2-10:50] Dan says not to tie your self-worth to social media. He says that it’s insane what social media does to our mental health. Then he polls the audience, asking which social media platform (Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook) stresses people out the most. (Based on accounts from the room, Instagram and Twitter were the overwhelming favorite choices and were basically tied, a few people voted for Tumblr, and even fewer voted for Facebook.) Dan says that Instagram is stressful because there’s all these beautiful, perfect people with their perfect lives. Twitter is stressful because everyone is angry and political and also more clever and funnier than he is. Tumblr is stressful because of the discourse, and Dan suggests that Facebook isn’t that stressful for him.
- [2-12:31] Dan talks about why he likes his brand of humor. Unlike on social media where everyone curates this perfect image of themselves, Dan exposes every flaw that he has, and that’s the joke. Then, he brings it back to mental health. He says not to pretend that everything’s perfect all the time. People will actually like it if you talk about your vulnerabilities because it’s refreshing and relatable.
[2-20:31] Gabbie says that something she likes to ask people to see how they’re doing is “How’s your heart today?” In response, Dan says, “Dead. Surrounded by cholesterol.”
[2-20:45] Dan says that online friends are just as valid as any other friends. He then talks about a girl that he talked to on Messenger when he was a teenager. He didn’t know her from real life, and they didn’t even live in the same country. He just added her on Myspace, and they were both emos and totally bisexual. Dan says that having that one person to talk to made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the universe. However, they don’t speak anymore. They drifted after a year or so.
[2-23:25] Dan says that sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about how they’re doing, and you just need to come back to them. You can’t get offended if they blow you off when you ask how they’re doing. Sometimes being a good friend is sticking around and still being there for someone when they’re ready to accept your offer of help.
[2-26:22] The panel is asked how to improve one’s self-confidence. Dan says it’s about accepting who you are. He was a silent, awkward teenager and he’s become more self-confident. He says that a lot of this is due to him letting go of pressures he felt from other people and social media to be certain things or act in certain ways. When you love yourself, you’ll get confident.