Dan & Phil Part 57: Pinky and the Brain

[secretagentphan]

I chose a great time to return! I am in awe right now and so emotional. I’ve been watching Dan for 6 years and knowing all that he went through during that time while we all had no idea made me more upset than I would think. He was shockingly candid and I really do think he is working on the psychological theory that you are happiest when your inner self is the same as your outer self (he even talked about this theory a few months back). Also the fact that Phil does yoga with him and it seems strongly inferred that he’s been super supportive this entire time warms my heart. I’m not making it about phan or anything, I’m just glad Dan has someone like that in his life.
(Spoiler for personal mental health stuff)

this video really helped me more than I ever thought it would with my own mental health. Ever since 9th gradish for me I have been struggling with a lot of depressive symptoms (I’m not diagnosed so I don’t want to call it depression) I constantly wrote it off but my grades kept falling and no matter how much I wanted to I physically could not bring myself to do the work. I lost all my motivation so I went from an A student to a C-D student. I would be in bed all day and not even able to feed myself just because everything felt like so much effort. I found you guys on gurugossip around this time actually,,,,

I wasn’t knowledgeable about mental heath issues so I thought I might have ADHD. It’s easy to write these things off as being lazy and your own fault, especially if you’re like me and constantly doubt yourself. I would have good and bad periods and i never wanted to tell anyone because I was afraid they’d say it was in my head and I was fine. I worked really hard on pretending I was fine and dismissing myself so I wouldn’t even blame them entirely. My parents have horrible health insurance and I live in America so I didn’t want to be a burden financially and I didn’t prioritize myself or my health. I now think I’m ready to talk to someone, even if it’s just school consoling. I’ve been going back and forth for awhile because opening up is really scary, but this video is what I needed. I’m in such awe oh my god dan stop making me feel so emotional still!

[whelpkeeper]

Oh my god this video is everything, to come home to this after a mentally challenging day was just super nice

I actually feel so bad for doubting him at first, I wasn't sure how it'd turn out but it's so eloquent and funny, he really knocked it out of the park

...also we literally have the same antidepressants, twinsies? lol was kinda surprised to have that, of all things, in common with Dan

Plus I loved how he linked to videos at the end, what a nice way to help out other people who are struggling. Plus the Phil outro- this video was beyond superb, I don't know how it could have been better.

From a fellow mental-health struggler, thank-you so much for posting this Dan! It seriously must have been so difficult but I'm honestly so proud

[helvetica]

I'm so proud of Dan!!!! Good job, my friend! Thanks for a good Mental Health Day idb and Daniel<3

[Phantasy]

[...]And I love the subtle hints at Phil being one of the people helping without giving the spotlight away because at the end of the day, overcoming mental illness is his accomplishment and Dan's only.[...]

Such a good observation! I have a ravenous Phan shipping appetite, and would have exploded with feels with a direct callout, but you’re totally right, this was Dan’s journey as an individual (and we know perfectly well who’s been by his side for the past 9 years). Plus, I think he was trying to keep things relatable enough for others who might be struggling—after all, not everyone is lucky enough to have a Phil in their life.

[katemko]

i didn't expect him to be that... blunt? but i'm so proud of him for it. it really does take guts to share that with six million people, and i have a huge amount of respect for him for that (not that i didn't already).

[autumnhearth]

I'm having trouble finding the words to express my feelings right now, but I also don’t want to be silent. I’m a bit on the numb side right now, so the video itself didn’t make me cry, but reading the comments here got me a bit teary.

I didn’t think he would mention therapy or medication, but I’m really glad he did. There is definitely still a stigma surrounding medication and I’ve been afraid to seek it, but recently decided (with the urging of my husband) that I need to at least explore it as an option. The decision to find a psychiatrist rather than just a psychologist or counselor was scary for me. So yeah, just beginning the journey to getting better after “dealing” with it (not well) for way too long. Self care, especially the exercise part is going to be hard, but I know it will help. Lots of love and support to others on here dealing with mental health issues.

I thought the video was beautifully balanced and really well done. There may be parts of Dan’s humor that will never feel quite right to me, but this video only had a couple very minor moments and I don’t want to focus on them as this was one of the most genuine main channel videos I think we’ve seen from him. He really did this in the best way and at the best time possible. I am stupidly proud of him and grateful for his openness. I feel very calm and my chest feels full. Here come the tears, but they’re happy ones.

[mysterylovescompany]

honestly i couldn't relate to this video BUT i am so so glad dan made it because it really did help me understand depression better and made me realise how blessed i am to have never struggled with mental health. i've always been that cheery person who bounces back from anything within a day at the most and used (long ago) to think depression was just an extra-concentrated version of being sad. but this was such a sweet, informative, helpful, entertaining and touching video and really made me proud to say that i watch dan and phil.

two things: he said he struggled with his identity in his teens... i assume he meant sexual identity but it was just like him to drop that in a vid where it would be glossed over by his audience. also he totes said he is at least a bit of a furry but come on who's surprised here

also to all of you (inc. dan) struggling with mental health: you're so brave and i believe in you

[obscureDnPreference]

I'm feeling slightly more articulate now than I did after watching the video the first time. With World Mental Health Day yesterday and finishing John Green's new book, I've thought a lot about mental health in the last few days. I really value honesty and openness when people talk about their mental health because I cannot afford to be those things due to my career (see more under the spoiler). So this video really just... made me feel lots of emotions. Dan's description of his depression matches mine in many respects- the leaving without telling anyone, the numbness, the self-isolation. It was nice to hear that from someone with a large audience and the ability to make a difference. Dan's willingness to talk about therapy and medication shocked me, as it did many of you, because there is such a stigma around those things still. I was THRILLED he addressed the 'self-deprecating humor as a coping mechanism' thing because I do that and it's hard to stop. I could go on and on. I am very proud of him for making this, for talking openly about his experiences, and for educating/encouraging his audience. Dan, if you're lurking here, thank you. You just changed a bunch of people's lives for the better. Thank you so much.

My mental health journey under the cut.

I mentioned a few days ago that I am on my own mental health journey, which I think has only just begun. I was an anxious child and ended up in therapy and on sleeping meds when I was in middle school. In high school, I put all my time into figure skating and participating in speech and debate. I thought I was over whatever I had, but in reality I was just running from it while I filled every hour of my day with something to do. In college, in became painfully obvious that my anxiety wasn't a phase. I spiraled when I was in my sophomore year and the last three years have been a roller coaster of anxiety and depression. It was only about two months ago when I finally decided to do something about it. My best friends (who I basically used as therapists) moved away and left me alone in the small town where we all went to school. Only a week later, I had some weird stomach pain and ended up in the ER with a panic attack. That was what showed me I needed to be proactive. I've seen a therapist once since then and need to go back soon. Unfortunately, I work in politics in a time where stress is high and people will use anything for dirt. So I need to be really careful and quiet about my mental health. My family doesn't even know I struggle because of this. My mom asked me about my mental health today (during Dan's video actually) and I didn't want to tell her. My job just asked me to relocate to my hometown and so I'm moving there in a few months. I am moving back in with my parents, much to my trepidation. I generally have worse mental health when I'm home and I don't think that's going to change. But financially, and since I'm working on a campaign and won't be home all the time, it makes sense. I'm worried because I won't have a regular enough schedule to go to therapy. I know it's a process and meds and therapists are trial and error. I'm trying to be proactive and I think Dan's video will be helpful in that.

[pilotlight]

I know I'm just repeating what's already been said but that video was so so so well done. I think his approach was just right for the subject and he was way more candid than I expect. I'm really happy that he's in a good place right now, it sounds like he's worked really hard to get to that point.

I actually been trying to work up the nerve to finally see a therapist for a long while now and I appreciate him talking about his experience. Even though rationally I know it would probably help me a lot (my husband has bipolar disorder, and credits therapy with basically saving his life), it's just reassuring to hear other people's stories, if that make sense?

Good job, Dan.

[parallel]

two things: he said he struggled with his identity in his teens... i assume he meant sexual identity but it was just like him to drop that in a vid where it would be glossed over by his audience. also he totes said he is at least a bit of a furry but come on who's surprised here

yeah i noticed that too, but at this point it's hardly anything significant. i mean, he's already been talking about thirsting after evan peters for years now lmao. but "identity" can also mean struggling w ur place in the world and ur career and who you are as a person. i'm far from straight but when i talk about struggling w my identity, 9/10 i'm probably talking about just who i am as a person in general tbh.

[alittledizzy]

The video was amazingly done, and I hope that Dan sees (not here specifically but in general across his audience) the impact that his words are having on people.

[mysterylovescompany]

two things: he said he struggled with his identity in his teens... i assume he meant sexual identity but it was just like him to drop that in a vid where it would be glossed over by his audience. also he totes said he is at least a bit of a furry but come on who's surprised here

yeah i noticed that too, but at this point it's hardly anything significant. i mean, he's already been talking about thirsting after evan peters for years now lmao. but "identity" can also mean struggling w ur place in the world and ur career and who you are as a person. i'm far from straight but when i talk about struggling w my identity, 9/10 i'm probably talking about just who i am as a person in general tbh.

mmm yeah that makes sense! i know he's obviously not straight etc but he's less clear about it on his main channel imo. i thought it might have been brought up in the yt comments at least but i guess i underestimated how many of the comments would be talking about personal experiences with depression. (they're not always on topic)

or maybe he was struggling with his identity as a furry

[sparkle]

Holy shit - I'm so proud of him for this video, it's exactly what I expected but so much more. It was so validating and so so important, Dan has everything you could ever realistically want; but still has depression.

I've had depression and anxiety that, thankfully, seems to be more social and situational than it is biological (though immediate family members have also had mental health problems) because when my situation has improved I've felt better. I've never taken drugs for depression, but I have for anxiety and they honestly changed my life and I only needed them for 3 months. I'm glad Dan talked about getting help positively because when you find something that works it does change your life. (though I dont envy him taking citalopram, antidepressants terrify me) I'm just so fucking HAPPY he made this. The bit where he said something like 'I can still have days where I have depressive episodes' was incredibly validating - I personally consider myself as recovering from depression following a relapse in 2016/early 2017 - and I still have really bad days, so for me it felt like a big deal he said the same. Its something that I dont think is brought up enough, and I think that he articulated himself extremely well.

If Dan happens to be lurking at 4 am

[capybantsa]

*Took a break for mental health, now it's mental health that's brought me back*
Digging the new layout, very sleek, very stylish.

7 hours a week! I knew I wasn't imagining it, he's been glowing these days! I'm really proud of him for not giving up on himself, and I think he handled the video in a good way. Just the right balance between seriousness and lightness.

I got a lot of hate for mentioning his visceral fat before by people who mistakenly believed I was bashing his looks, but depression is one of the associated issues of excess visceral fat that I was concerned about. Depression can cause visceral fat to accumulate, and accumulated visceral fat can worsen depression. It can become a cycle downward if you don't stay on top of your basic physical self care, so I'm really really happy that Dan seems to be serious about his self care these days. I don't care if he gets abs or whatever, I always only wanted to see him healthy and happy

I guess he probably won't see this, but since a lot of people here seem to be struggling with depression I'll post it anyway so maybe it can be of some help. Minus the drama from before, I'm in a really good place these days generally.

The things that have helped me the most are a low carb diet, intermittent fasting, and a thing called "cognitive behavioral therapy" which helps fix negative thinking habits (which can help prevent a bad mood from turning into a depressive episode). None of these things are a guaranteed fix, but they've all shown a lot of promise, especially when combined together and with any other treatments you've found effective for you. I know that any one of these helped me way more than medication, exercise, and regular therapy combined.

I hope you all much happiness

[Phantasy]

two things: he said he struggled with his identity in his teens... i assume he meant sexual identity but it was just like him to drop that in a vid where it would be glossed over by his audience. also he totes said he is at least a bit of a furry but come on who's surprised here

yeah i noticed that too, but at this point it's hardly anything significant. i mean, he's already been talking about thirsting after evan peters for years now lmao. but "identity" can also mean struggling w ur place in the world and ur career and who you are as a person. i'm far from straight but when i talk about struggling w my identity, 9/10 i'm probably talking about just who i am as a person in general tbh.

mmm yeah that makes sense! i know he's obviously not straight etc but he's less clear about it on his main channel imo. i thought it might have been brought up in the yt comments at least but i guess i underestimated how many of the comments would be talking about personal experiences with depression. (they're not always on topic)

or maybe he was struggling with his identity as a furry

Not to detract from what was genuinely a touching and well done video, and start spiraling down the sexuality rabbit hole, but I wonder if he already considers himself (in his mind) fully out to his audience? I say that because he made it sound a bit like his journey with depression was the one last unturned rock of his persona not made public. I am glad he chose to include the word “identity”, as it can mean different things to different people, so maybe he was trying for maximum relatability. I mean, it felt very much like an “it gets better” type of video, and if indeed the source of some of his depression stemmed from his coming to terms with his sexual identity, especially with so many LGBTQ youth who struggle with depression/anxiety who are looking for role models and hope from any direction, then an iddy-biddy part of me wishes he was a bit bolder with his forthcomingness.

[thephandommenace]

I haven't caught up on the past two pages of Deppy but just dropping in to say I really appreciated this video and I'm proud of him for opening up. He helped me visualise a better future, which is hard to do when you're down in the pit and can't see a way out. It was comforting when he said it might take years to get to the point he's at now because I feel so frustrated sometimes when I can't just will myself to get better straight away. I'm so glad he felt comfortable and liberated enough to do this. I'm sure he's helped so many people following him feel better and less alone. This video has inspired me to try harder to break the cycle (and stop sleeping so much of the day away). Thank you Daniel

[boredtears]

Like pretty much all of you, I'm really proud of Dan for making this video. I think his content really shines when he digs into things that have a big impact on him, what is personal rather than forced relatability.

It must have been incredibly daunting for him to open up about all of his issues to the extent that he did, especially considering how much flack he has gotten for hinting at them in the past. Hopefully this also reminds people that there is always another person behind the screen, not an idol or some kind of emotionless robot who remains unbothered by what you say, and also that we only ever see a slice of another person's life, never the full picture (hello therapy, exercise, and all those hydration tweets that suddenly make more sense).

I'm also really glad he included info about therapy and medication, especially medication as it is so stigmatised by society (despite the fact that it saves lives, including mine). However I also think that it's worth noting that some people do have to stay on medication forever, not just temporarily as Dan said. It differs for everyone.

Again, like a lot of you, I suffer from depression and this video was really helpful in that it made me feel less alone and reminded me what a difference taking care of yourself makes. I wish you all the best

[mysterylovescompany]

Not to detract from what was genuinely a touching and well done video, and start spiraling down the sexuality rabbit hole, but I wonder if he already considers himself (in his mind) fully out to his audience? I say that because he made it sound a bit like his journey with depression was the one last unturned rock of his persona not made public. I am glad he chose to include the word “identity”, as it can mean different things to different people, so maybe he was trying for maximum relatability. I mean, it felt very much like an “it gets better” type of video, and if indeed the source of some of his depression stemmed from his coming to terms with his sexual identity, especially with so many LGBTQ youth who struggle with depression/anxiety who are looking for role models and hope from any direction, then an iddy-biddy part of me wishes he was a bit bolder with his forthcomingness.

no can of worms intended but do you mean 'persona' or irl personality? when i think of 'persona' in relation to deppy i'm forcibly reminded of all our convos about the dinof and ap personas as opposed to what they're like irl.

if he's as out as he wants to be... well, nobody can know that except himself. in some ways, i think he has the same approach to issues like depression as he does his sexuality / other recurring themes in his videos. he's never mentioned his depression by name before because (at least partially) he doesn't want to be defined by it. so, he only brought it up now, when he's in a better place mentally and feels comfortable enough about it to make a video. classic dan tactic: little little hints everywhere until he's built up confidence / feels he's tested the waters adequately.

i think every teenager struggles with identity on some level, and he kept it vague enough to keep the focus on the topic of the video. it was a video about depression and i definitely don't expect (either in this or in any other video) for him to disclose anything else about his sexuality. i just thought it was interesting enough to comment on, because i thought such a comment might have got a lot more attention two or three years ago.

idk if i'm making any sense hahahahaha help

edit: support from the online community

[lurkin]

Wowowow what a great video. It's hard to articulate how amazing it was. I think at the core of it, after watching Dan for almost six years now, I've never seen him be so open and candid about himself like that. At least not in such a mature way.

It's very validating and humanizing, actually. For years Dan had his carefully constructed persona and branding that he used in videos, and the lines between who he is and who he wants us to believe he is were always very blurry. It's really easy to make the best bits of your life seem like your entire life when you do YouTube. Up until this point there was so much speculation about his mental health and things (sometimes intrusively so). But I think at the end we were looking for solidarity and understanding. We saw a part of us and our experiences in Dan and wanted it to be true. This video was Dan sitting in front of a camera and laying it all out like "this is me. take it or leave it," and it's something I've been waiting for him to do for a long time. Dan's always prided himself on being this enigma of identity and personality, but after a while it just doesn't cut it. I'm glad he's letting us in to this age of his newfound confidence in himself. Overall, I think it's something that a lot of us wanted to hear from him. Something that made him Daniel Howell and not just danisnotonfire (confidence and mental health is the new rebrand amirite).

And Christ, the part about the medication was the best ngl. I started antidepressants in primary school for terrible anxiety which later got a friend called depression (and then in the past few months turned out to be previously undiagnosed ADHD who was causing the anxiety and depression), and the shame and embarrassment I suffered from being the only kid I knew on psych meds was awful. Seeing Dan so nonchalantly and openly mention that he took medication for his depression felt like a big hug to past me.

God, I'm just so happy to see Dan happy. And I'm so happy that Dan is so comfortable with us to share this part of his life with us. I'm sure it's helped so many people.

I have like a super teeny kinda negative thing but its not that important or negative just some thoughts

There's a part of me, someone who has spent 15/20 years of her life going through different therapies and treatments and diagnoses that wanted Dan to not talk about depression in the past tense. Which is a shitty thing to say. I know his struggle was super difficult and often debilitating, and to make it seem like it was nothing is a shitty thing to do. But to hear that three years of treatment and therapy has gotten him to a point where he can get off meds seems unreal to me. I'll probably be medicated for the rest of my life, and a point where I wouldn't have to take meds is just unfathomable. I was glad that he still mentioned that he had episodes every now and again to reinforce that mental illness isn't something that can be magically "cured" and is often a consistent battle though. I just think I wanted Dan to be Tomska in how he talks about his mental illnesses, but they're two different people with different experiences. In the end thought it's super important how pro-recovery and pro-seeking help it was, and I'm still so happy that he made this wowza.

[Phantasy]

Not to detract from what was genuinely a touching and well done video, and start spiraling down the sexuality rabbit hole, but I wonder if he already considers himself (in his mind) fully out to his audience? I say that because he made it sound a bit like his journey with depression was the one last unturned rock of his persona not made public. I am glad he chose to include the word “identity”, as it can mean different things to different people, so maybe he was trying for maximum relatability. I mean, it felt very much like an “it gets better” type of video, and if indeed the source of some of his depression stemmed from his coming to terms with his sexual identity, especially with so many LGBTQ youth who struggle with depression/anxiety who are looking for role models and hope from any direction, then an iddy-biddy part of me wishes he was a bit bolder with his forthcomingness.

no can of worms intended but do you mean 'persona' or irl personality? when i think of 'persona' in relation to deppy i'm forcibly reminded of all our convos about the dinof and ap personas as opposed to what they're like irl.

if he's as out as he wants to be... well, nobody can know that except himself. in some ways, i think he has the same approach to issues like depression as he does his sexuality / other recurring themes in his videos. he's never mentioned his depression by name before because (at least partially) he doesn't want to be defined by it. so, he only brought it up now, when he's in a better place mentally and feels comfortable enough about it to make a video. classic dan tactic: little little hints everywhere until he's built up confidence / feels he's tested the waters adequately.

i think every teenager struggles with identity on some level, and he kept it vague enough to keep the focus on the topic of the video. it was a video about depression and i definitely don't expect (either in this or in any other video) for him to disclose anything else about his sexuality. i just thought it was interesting enough to comment on, because i thought such a comment might have got a lot more attention two or three years ago.

idk if i'm making any sense hahahahaha help

edit: support from the online community

In this context, personality does sound more fitting. And you’re right, it’s true, his call out about not wanting to be defined it (depression in this case) does seem to be a persistent theme of his—don’t put Danny in a box, society!

[captainspacecoat]

That was the first and only Dan video to ever make me cry, his honesty and vulnerability was incredibly moving and I have a lot of respect for him right now. I truly think he nailed this video, seamlessly blending humour and seriousness, and speaking from experience so unapologetically. I teared up especially at the bit when he said "I am everything that I am in spite of this thing constantly holding me back" - it was just a really uplifting note to end the video on, and it made me very proud of him and all that he's been through.

I'm so glad he seems to be in a better place now, I'm sure it's been a very difficult journey and he should be proud of everything he's done to get here. I imagine it must have been incredibly daunting to decide to make such a personal video - he is very brave, and I really do appreciate him choosing to push through what must have been a very difficult task in order to do his part in erasing the stigma surrounding mental illness and its treatment. I don't think there's anything in the video that he could have improved on

Hopefully this also reminds people that there is always another person behind the screen, not an idol or some kind of emotionless robot who remains unbothered by what you say, and also that we only ever see a slice of another person's life, never the full picture (hello therapy, exercise, and all those hydration tweets that suddenly make more sense).

This is so important!! It's one of the reasons I got so angry during the mental health discourse that followed Dan's uni vid a month ago - we do not know him, we do not know the intricacies of his experiences, we do not know his inner thoughts/feelings/issues, we do not know anything about him beyond the small pieces of information he chooses to share with us. I'm very happy for him that he is now in a place where he has freely chosen to share his experience with depression, but even if he'd never reached that decision we (his audience) have no right to make assumptions about the state of his mental health, or discredit the things he does say just because it doesn't match with our own experiences.

[Aeryth]

it's hands down the best video of his. never thought I'd cry over what he said. smiling through my tears, of course.

[laur]

I have been watching deppy for years, and I like to say that I have literally "grown up" with them. (More Dan since he is closer to my age) I consider it so special that I have had the opportunity to witness everything they both have accomplished. So the fact that Dan had the strength to make this video is so amazing and empowering! The video really hit home with me because I suffer from both depression and anxiety and I have been seeing a therapist. I was almost late for work because I was waiting to see when the video would finally be uploaded, and I may or may not have smeared my eyeliner while watching it. I just want to literally fly to England just to give this man a hug, my heart is just overflowing with love for him! He has come so far! This video falls into my top 5 favorite videos from him, probably pushing the ranking of #1. This whole rebranding and dropping the whole "I don't have friends, socialize, or go outside" facade has really helped him tremendously! Times are changing and I am just a proud phandom grandma crying in the club.

[human]

I don’t have too many words right now, just in awe at Dan’s video and feeling very squishy and warm towards him right now. He just described the past 19 years of my life, except I’ve never found medication or counselling that has helped despite trying the cycle some 5 times, but today I have renewed hope to reach out once again. I’ve literally never related so much to someone’s story and felt so warmed from the inside about his sincerity, honesty and trust with us.

Such a pivotal video for him I think. I had tears in my eyes watching, very proud of our smol bean.

[AroboticPhil]

same as everyone, this video was so good and important on so many levels.
I'm so proud of him for opening up about it and I'm honestly a bit shocked at how much he shared with us, talking about therapy, medication, all the exercice etc.
The video was so well done too, he managed to do a video that still fit his style whilst making something more personal than he probably ever has. And how he honestly talked about his struggles but still had tbe right dose of humour through it.
This was a really different video and I'm so impressed and proud that he had the courage to share so much stuff with so many people in a very mature and helpful way.