as a fellow raised-Christian, i could totally relate. i was about 13 and ive stumbled upon this japanese manga (ive completely forgotten what the title was because its been AGES) about this girl falling for a dude but according to the story it turns out the girl was in fact a "dude" (in retrospect, she could have been a transwoman but at that time i sure as heck didnt know what that meant) and i remember feeling very weird. it ended with the dude accepting her for who she is and mutually falling for her i believe but i remember just trying my best to wrap my head around the idea of a "queer romance" in the first place.
like a pandoras box thats been opened, i did what any curious 13 year old would do and search the internet for more. i had my "yaoi phase" and soon after i was more than comfortable about the idea of gay sex.....i was fetishizing it and didnt know better. i was still at the point where i thought lesbian fiction romance was "ew gross" and that two guys making out is "hot". its a shameful past but at the same time, i had no one to talk about such things without risking my dad potentially drowning me in holy water. this is why learning on your own (whether its a new language or a new skill) could be dangerous because its much easier to misinterpret concepts and ideas when you have no one to point out your mistakes.
when i first got into dnp, i was more aware of queer romance but i was still unsure how to fully support or converse about it , add the fact that theres this whole "speculation" about the "true nature" of their relationship...it was a weird ship to sail for 16 year old me. again, i didnt know any better. now that im older, id like to think that i have more understanding about many concepts and im now able to think separately and identify certain issues like the difference between, lets say, "romanticizing abuse" vs "mutual bdsm partnership" in a media -whether its queer or not. i do know that i still have many things left to learn but im constantly learning, constantly owning up to any mistakes i make due to ignorance, and constantly unlearning that "stay away from the Gays™" habit that ive been habituated to since i was a toddler in my Christian household. its always a learning process.
ive long gone jumped out of the danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil ship and just started to admire them from a distance as dan and phil. id rather appreciate them as an individuals who so happens to be in a wonderful relationship together, than pit them together as two white guys through the lens of their branding personalities. in a way i find this "growing up with the fans" fascinating and i sure as hell would like the two of them to talk about it from their side of the coin.
like a pandoras box thats been opened, i did what any curious 13 year old would do and search the internet for more. i had my "yaoi phase" and soon after i was more than comfortable about the idea of gay sex.....i was fetishizing it and didnt know better. i was still at the point where i thought lesbian fiction romance was "ew gross" and that two guys making out is "hot". its a shameful past but at the same time, i had no one to talk about such things without risking my dad potentially drowning me in holy water. this is why learning on your own (whether its a new language or a new skill) could be dangerous because its much easier to misinterpret concepts and ideas when you have no one to point out your mistakes.
when i first got into dnp, i was more aware of queer romance but i was still unsure how to fully support or converse about it , add the fact that theres this whole "speculation" about the "true nature" of their relationship...it was a weird ship to sail for 16 year old me. again, i didnt know any better. now that im older, id like to think that i have more understanding about many concepts and im now able to think separately and identify certain issues like the difference between, lets say, "romanticizing abuse" vs "mutual bdsm partnership" in a media -whether its queer or not. i do know that i still have many things left to learn but im constantly learning, constantly owning up to any mistakes i make due to ignorance, and constantly unlearning that "stay away from the Gays™" habit that ive been habituated to since i was a toddler in my Christian household. its always a learning process.
ive long gone jumped out of the danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil ship and just started to admire them from a distance as dan and phil. id rather appreciate them as an individuals who so happens to be in a wonderful relationship together, than pit them together as two white guys through the lens of their branding personalities. in a way i find this "growing up with the fans" fascinating and i sure as hell would like the two of them to talk about it from their side of the coin.
i joke theyre already married and its a very useful one