Dan & Phil Part 85: the phildom

Our two favourite full time internet nerds who never go outside!
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coconut
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this isn't gonna be too long, but i've gathered some of my (kind of still unintelligible and cloudy) thoughts about dan:
on my first and second watch throughs of dan's coming out video (it feels surreal to even type that out, by the way) i was mostly still just shocked, amazed and proud of him.
my third time i think it truly hit me.
(spoiler for mentions of dark things)
his attempt on his life brought tears to my eyes. that kind of self hatred hits home. dan is someone i could always relate to on so many levels; he always manages to take the words right out of my mouth in his videos. but when he said this, looking straight into the camera, 100% honestly, it really hit HARD. i truly can't articulate what i'm feeling for dan. what a horrible, horrible thing to be put through.
the moment he said, "i'm so glad i failed"-- i really don't have the words to describe how much it means to me. :love1:
i've watched dnp for like 6.5 years-- i started as a very, very young teen-- and they've played a really significant role in my life. i feel so proud to see how much they have changed and how much has changed for them. my endless support forever. <3

...and that's all i can really say without becoming a puddle again but i mean every word. i have no clue how i'm supposed to resume my life LOL, but i want to say i've really been enjoying reading all the more articulate posts on here. (and to all the people who have shared their own experiences in light of dan's video-- you may not know anything about me, but i'm so proud of all of you and i'm wishing you all the best in life :prideheart2: )
much love! it is truly loving dan hours
<3
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000dia000
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This post is kind of pointless, but I'm just still in a state of disbelief. The last couple of years I've had weird dreams where they came out and it was always low key. A year ago, Jesus even a week ago, I never would have anticipated for Dan to come out with such a bang. It doesn't even feel like real life, I'm still in such disbelief. I feel like on social media just the glimpses we see of them they just seem so happy. I feel like for the first time in a long time they can be so comfortable and so frank? Like, they have revealed a facet of their beings and personalities we've never seen and now they feel like completely new and different people. Seeing Dan's instagram post with the balloons and him looking so happy is like a kind of sight we don't see often, of Dan actually smiling for a photo that isn't forced or awkward. I feel like he's never really allowed himself to look goofy or happy for a photo? As they go forth, I don't really expect that everything takes a 180 and they start making loads of videos and be more public about sexuality and personal stuff but I feel that this is a lot of hurt and sadness off Dan's shoulders and maybe he can feel like he can be the best version of himself?
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Mia
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I just want to say how lovely all these comments have been to read.

I've grown up with Dan (and Phil) and had my own struggles with mental health and sexuality. The video was very personal to Dan but I couldn't help but find a connection to it with my own experiences. It's just such a powerful and important video!!

I'm going to focus on Dan's comments towards the end about the UK education debate. There has been some debates lately in the UK about the introduction of LGBT topics in sex/relationship education. I was so happy to see Dan address that as many young people may feel uncomfortable with this ongoing debate and hopefully they will feel less alone. I'd really like to see Dan being invited to a consultation about these issues. Jeremy Corbyn better make it happen!

Finally, I'm just so glad to see Dan being so happy :prideheart2:
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I’m having a super lovely and nostalgic time rewatching some old clips and vids now that we are living in a #PhanConfirmed universe... it’s a subtle shift in perspective but it’s making me burst with feeling.
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autumnhearth
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I am so overjoyed at how he is being lauded by his peers and the media coverage, wow! He really deserves it.
A big f-you to We The Unicorns for the title and focus of their article. Also rolling my eyes at the couple articles that say they “once dated”. The two articles he liked on Twitter are wonderful and really got it.
There’s a third he liked but it’s really just quoting then showing the tweets of support from his fellow YouTubers.

Oh the Human Rights Campaign tweet :prideheart:
Why is that the one that makes me tear up? I guess because that’s the bumper sticker my mom had on her car (when it was “the gay cab” for taking home members of our GSA) and their awards come to mind (I got a local GLSEN award in high school which is a much smaller thing) does anyone know if HRC gives awards to people outside of the US?
idontreallyknow
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Haven't been on here in a long time, but just wanted to log back in to say damn guys, it happened.

I'm so proud of Dan, and Phil as well. Been watching them for 9 years now, even remember the first time I saw the link to idb appear back when gg went down for the millionth time. Seeing all the news about Dan brought me back and hit me with that hard nostalgia to all the hours I would spend every day on here and watching their videos, reading fanfics, making fan art, all of it. They truly helped me grow into the person I am now and it makes me so happy to see them grow as well over time into the people that they've become. <3
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Man, I'm still emotional a day later. My husband and I are both fans, and pre-kiddo we usually watched their videos together. Even without being sure that they were a couple, different aspects of their personalities and their interactions felt relatable to our own relationship, which is honestly not something I've ever felt with other public figures or youtubers. Anyway, when we were discussing the video afterwards, he mentioned that he had to pause when Dan was talking about his lowest point, just because it was overwhelming, just remembering his own lowest points. I'm paraphrasing, but he put into words something that I've been feeling but haven't been able to express.
"I remember being there, feeling trapped and hopeless for such a long time. I couldn't fathom just getting through another week, let alone imagine that things would get so much better. I never thought I could be happy, period. I never thought that I could be legally married, that I could be a father, that I could have any stability. I'm just overwhelmed by how thankful I am that I'm still here and that there were people who fought so hard for this to be possible, I don't know how to process it. I'm just so happy for him and for them and for us, and everyone that comes after us." :rainbow:
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plinthofmylife
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Just thinking that bitch better win a Streamy for that.
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lefthandedism
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The part of the video (well, one of the many parts) that my brain keeps catching on is "obviously we were more than friends". Just in a casual aside--"obviously"--that is just on the way to the main point Dan was making. And he did it again a moment later with "more than just romantic"--"just"--he's just mentioning it on the way to his main point: everything that Phil meant and means to him.

Yeah, of course it was fucking obvious, but for ten years all of us who saw the obvious had to deal with a niggling doubt (and sometimes people shouting at us).

I'm not sure how I thought they would confirm they were together (if they ever even did), but I guess I didn't think it would be simply: "obviously." :xoxo:
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greenergrass
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It's surreal to see how mainstream this has all gone. Not surprising after that video, but surreal. I just never saw either of them coming out in that way, individually or together. I love it, I love the video, but I just never saw that happening. I always thought they'd continue the "we're out but not loudly saying it" method for pretty much the rest of their time in the youtube spotlight, and I was guessing for a light casual mention of dan's sexuality in a pride-themed june video.

This is all such a pleasant surprise though, since it was done so well and clearly meant a lot to dan (and phil). Those boys really will just continue to surprise us for the rest of time eh?

I'm feeling lots of things, but on top of it all I'm just really proud and happy for dan and for both of them
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lefthandedism wrote: Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:20 pm The part of the video (well, one of the many parts) that my brain keeps catching on is "obviously we were more than friends". Just in a casual aside--"obviously"--that is just on the way to the main point Dan was making. And he did it again a moment later with "more than just romantic"--"just"--he's just mentioning it on the way to his main point: everything that Phil meant and means to him.

Yeah, of course it was fucking obvious, but for ten years all of us who saw the obvious had to deal with a niggling doubt (and sometimes people shouting at us).

I'm not sure how I thought they would confirm they were together (if they ever even did), but I guess I didn't think it would be simply: "obviously." :xoxo:
Sorry for potentially double posting but I'm on mobile and it's too hard to quote edit this in right now.

I just want to add onto the "more than just romantic" point because omg yes I remember that standing out to me and forgot to mention it but that line is so so important to me. It's what I've been stressing for years and what has always felt important to me personally, and thought was also important to dan and phil and now he confirmed that point. And the point is that they are /best friends/ first and foremost. There are also romantic and sexual and all that, but the stand out thing is that they are each other's person, each other's best friend.

(and that's not me negating a romantic and sexual relationship, it's just something that I've always loved about their relationship above everything else)
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lefthandedism wrote: Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:20 pm The part of the video (well, one of the many parts) that my brain keeps catching on is "obviously we were more than friends". Just in a casual aside--"obviously"--that is just on the way to the main point Dan was making. And he did it again a moment later with "more than just romantic"--"just"--he's just mentioning it on the way to his main point: everything that Phil meant and means to him.

Yeah, of course it was fucking obvious, but for ten years all of us who saw the obvious had to deal with a niggling doubt (and sometimes people shouting at us).

I'm not sure how I thought they would confirm they were together (if they ever even did), but I guess I didn't think it would be simply: "obviously." :xoxo:
Yes. This. :love2: :happytears: I honestly still can’t quite believe this all actually happened.
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plinthofmylife
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Yes. That "obviously" and "more than just romantic" is just so... it speaks such volumes. Nothing was accidental.
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lefthandedism
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I don't know how we can possibly choose, but the poll will tell. Go vote for the next thread name!

:rainbow: :wavingflag: :pride: :rainbow:
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itasca00 wrote: Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:50 am Part 2:
I want to pull out a moment from my long list of timestamps that I haven't yet seen commented on anywhere. Listening to the audio of the video, I can't understand anything that's being said. The video captions, however, spell everything out. They make the darkest moment of the video so much darker... They also make me wonder if Dan did the video captions himself or at least heavily edited them for accuracy.
itasca00 wrote: Fri Jun 14, 2019 7:26 am
  • [19:11] Dan says this was the lowest point of his life. He talks about praying to God, even though he didn’t really believe in Him, to make him straight. He continues:
    D: But I saw no end. No escape. No way to change the world or who I was. So one evening, I thought,Fuck it, and I attempted suicide.

    D: I say “attempted” because, just before it was too late, I thought, [from the video captions] Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What have I done? What have I done? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What will your grandma think? Don’t do this to her. She tried her best, and she loves you. Your family aren’t total dicks, and this will fuck them up. Can’t you just get over it? Surely. You’re gonna get to the last year of school and give up now? Really? What was the point? I heard this is one of the most painful ways to die, so not a great choice if I’m being blunt.

    D: Felt kind of bad for a few days. Otherwise, I pretended it never happened, and I didn’t tell anyone. Until now. Literally.
It does appear that Dan provided closed captions/subtitles in English. If you go to edit the closed captions it's locked and says "The video owner already provided subtitles/CC"

All of Phil's videos from this year are that way as well I think. I really appreciate them making their videos accessible after hearing from viewers that the community provided CC wasn't doing it. I wish I'd known that when I was rewinding ~20 times because I didn't understand something Dan had said--although I don't think CC goes up right away.

Aw, new emojis! I love. :wavingflag:
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alittledizzy
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Couple new replies from other youtubers!
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fairylights
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after i’ve had a day to sit on the video, and rewatched it three more times, it feels less real than it did yesterday.

like, we have confirmation of this thing? dan came back, and actually made a 45 minute video on his sexuality, that was so well done, and made me feel lots of things. it feels like a lot, but in such a good way. every time i think about it, i feel another rush of excited shock. i’m so so proud of him.

i wonder what the future has in store for them going forward.
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ladyknight1512
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Hello! I haven't logged on in a year and I don't think I ever posted in the main thread because I always thought I'd never have anything to add or that I'd say something stupid but look: if Dan can post a 45 min coming out video where he talks about his childhood trauma and the impact that it's had and still has on his adult life, then I can post in the main thread of this forum where we're all here because we love the same two tol bois. *ahem* Anyway. I've been having a few thoughts so I'll just put them all here at once.

First, I just need to put out into the universe how happy I am for Dan. I hesitate to say that I'm proud, because as a heterosexual, cisgender female that feels...patronising? As someone who's never questioned their gender or sexuality, and has never felt the need to, it just doesn't feel like it's my place to be proud of him. I understand why people would disagree with that, so you don't have to come for me, but that's just how I feel about it. But like I said, I'm unspeakably happy. I stumbled across Dan and Phil completely by accident in mid-2015, when I was at the lowest point in my life and they made me so happy. At the end of the worst days, I could watch them and laugh, and I didn't have anything else in my life giving me that feeling at the time. I'm long past feeling like that now, but knowing that Dan has reached a place where he feels comfortable being this open and authentic about who he is fills me with this incredible joy. I hope he gets to bask in it for as long as possible.

Second, I'm curious about the response we've seen to the video. It seems like it's been making headlines all over the place and I'm curious about why. D&P were the first YouTubers I ever started following and they're the only ones I've followed consistently. Most of the others I follow are or were in opposite-sex relationships and never went through this coming out process as far as I'm aware. I watched Connor Franta's video about 2 years ago, but I think that's the only other one I've seen. Does anyone know if there's been another YouTuber coming out like this who's received this kind of response from non-YouTube people and groups? And if this response we're seeing to Dan is virtually unprecedented, why do you think that is? Is it the very Dan way that he tells the story, using humour to diffuse what would otherwise be an incredibly sad story (not saying it isn't anyway, but it's easier to swallow with Dan's way of telling it)? Is it the obvious work he put into it? Is it just the story itself? I just don't know, but I'm curious.

Finally, the future. I've seen people speculating that this means we'll see a return of joint content, but I'm not sure that's true. In fact, I don't think we'll see much of a change at all, especially in the immediate future. Will Phil mention it? I don't know. I actually have no idea what Phil could post next that could possibly follow up from this, but I'm sure they've worked something out. I also don't know that Dan will start posting any more regularly than he was doing before; I don't think the reason he makes videos has changed. I just hope we'll see a few more videos from him in the next few months. But the joint content? Personally, I think it would be a mistake for them to jump straight back into making videos together, and I don't think they would want to, because it seems like it would make Dan's coming out about Phil, or make Phil a focus of the story in a way that he isn't. I think we'll see joint videos from them again at some point, but I don't think they'll be soon, and I worry that now people are getting their hopes up and they'll be disappointed and angry when they get something else. That seems to be a common reaction in the phandom generally.

Anyway. This post was long and rambly. Sorry about that. Hopefully some of it made sense. I'm gonna press Post now, before I lose my nerve.
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I've been trying to think of something intelligent to say about this video but honestly, I'm pretty much speechless, I have no words for Dans bravery, for how much it hurt me to hear him say some of those things, I have too many feelings and not enough words. That video broke my heart and put it back together in those 45 minutes. It truly is a masterpiece, and I can't wait to see what comes next.
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rizzo
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Anyone else having constant, overwhelming realizations about the minutiae of D&P? Like just a constant stream of thoughts that shake you to your core?
  • They really did share underwear.
  • That heart in Phil's video way back in the day that represented finding Dan.
  • "Yes but you don't realize how compelling Phil peer pressures you and makes you feel like a terrible... blerson."
  • Phil stumbling over his words after his little liveshow spill: “This is why I’m terrible to… exist with.”
  • The cactus dolls, plushies, little animals with their fringes in their last flat. Always next to each other.
  • The Phil-sleeping-on-the-tour-bus clip.
Like... this never stops and it aches in the best way.
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lurkin
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im so moved and shit from this video that ive literally remade my phannie blog after like 4 years :philtrash:
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ugh *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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AmazingOCD
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Haven't posted here in a long time due to negative feelings about the hiatus (I lurked more on GG, sorry) so hello to all new users here! :welcome:

First of all: FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK :dead:

DAN DID THAT, PHIL DID THAT, THEY DID THAT :stan:

Now that's out of my system......

Right, so I got the tweet notification of the video on Thursday night when I'm watching an Irish soap with cuddled up with my parents (who are still iffy about LGBTQ+ stuff). I ran out of the room instantly to watch. Plus my phone decided at that very moment to DIE!!!

Anyhoo, I messaged my fellow DnP friend (both phans from 2013/14) as soon as I got my phone working again. I was in total shock while sitting through the video and had an adrenaline rush afterwards.

Dan's story is heartbreaking. There are no words for how sorry I am at the pain he went through because of bullies in school, his family, manipulative friends and, definitely the largest beast, us as a fan community. I've watched so many clips of liveshows from 2011/12 and.... after finally feeling accepted and free after years of abuse, you have to close all that down again. I cannot imagine what he and Phil have gone through as a result of people online.

BUT of course, as we are all Phan trash here, I needed time after Phil was mentioned in the video. Phil saved Dan's life at that time. He accepted him. Its beautiful to look back on old photos and posts and think that they loved each other (I still hope they are a couple after all those years).

At the end of the video I just cuddled my Dan and Phil ii plushies while being teary eyed and freaking out on Twitter. I am so proud of Dan for the video. No wonder why you were not able to upload; this is something that you needed to get out there for years. But you finally did it! And Phils tweets were perfect and subtle, thats all he needed! The video was a masterpiece and one I'll be watching back for years to come hopefully!

I hope they both can be free now, they won't have to hide. The glass closet has been smashed. :pride: :wavingflag: :gayaf:

Also, want to add a massive fuck you to We the Unicorns making a whole article about them being soulmates, that is not the full point of that video. :gg: :facepalm2:

Personal experience under the spoiler
I was bullied in primary school because I was born with congenital cataracts in both eyes. Alongside all the bullying I received because of my thick glasses I had to wear 24/7, as I got into 5th and 6th class (aged 10-12) 'gay', 'faggot' and 'frigid' were thrown around as slurs towards me. I'm from the countryside so 1. I was not a bit street smart with what those words meant and 2. my parents did not really educate me on anything like that. So when I was called those words, I knew it was a bad thing and it upset me, like Dan. One day after school, I was followed as I was walking to meet my mam about 10 minutes away. All I heard was two of the boys in my class yelling 'you're gay!'. I turned around and saw them running away from me. I was about a minute away from the path where my mam would meet me so we could walk out to the countryside together. Of course, as it happened off school property, no one could do anything and at that point, the bullying was so regular and I always reacted to it, I think the teachers had given up on me at that stage. Up until that point, I never had an incident where I was so scared and intimidated by words. Sure the comments against my glasses and appearance hurt me so much. But I knew deep down in my soul that what was said to me was wrong and wasn't a good thing.

As I got older and began secondary school, a girl I had previously considered my best friend started to manipulate and verbally bully me. The abuse lasted for about 3 years. Basically, she disintegrated my whole personality up until that point. And of course, sexuality and who teenage me fancied was not off the table either (yay puberty!). Problem was I didn't fancy anyone. And I had no intention of having a relationship or going to seek out a boyfriend. I'm not a partier so that didn't help either. The worst point was she straight up asked me if I was gay in front of my friends while we were on a school trip.

It's the absolute worst feeling being confused about your sexuality, and it hurts even more when people know how to hurt you because of it. I wish all of that didn't leave me so confused until aged 19 I found asexuality. I can now accept myself for who I am, and I hope to God that any people who come into my life will accept me too. (I'm still too scared to let my parents know just yet)7

Dan's video is so important to the girl inside me who hated herself for her lack of sexuality. :prideflag:
It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness - Phil Lester
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autumnhearth
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Interesting that there is nothing on teneighth about this yet. Are they just being careful with the editing? Are there multiple writers/pieces? Are they trying to/have they lined up an interview? Very curious.

LadyKnight: you’re right I don’t think there ever has been this large and widespread a reaction to a coming out video. Part of it is due to the already large fan base, people who casually know of them, and their peer group. More people take notice the more it is talked about. So did all these outlets just pick this story up organically, via someone with an ear to the ground about anything trending? Is it possible that their talent agency had anything to do with it? No idea. Also so many people are recommending it to everyone, not because it is Dan Howell’s story, but because it an important perspective that touches on so many aspects of growing up queer that is told so damn well. Would it be trending if it was a short more casually personal vid? Maybe. Would it have been picked up by news outlets? Probably not. Basically it’s a combination of many things that lined up right.
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Not to rain on a parade, but I just realized that Dan said that Phil helped him with shooting the video.

And Dad said he had never told anyone about what happened. “Until now.”

Is it possible Phil was there? If so, that’s traumatic for all involved, and I’m glad they took some time off.
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ladyknight1512
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cocolero wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 3:25 am Not to rain on a parade, but I just realized that Dan said that Phil helped him with shooting the video.

And Dad said he had never told anyone about what happened. “Until now.”

Is it possible Phil was there? If so, that’s traumatic for all involved, and I’m glad they took some time off.
I wondered about that too actually, but it's possible when Dan said, 'until now' he meant the moment in general, as opposed to right that second. This video would have been very carefully scripted and he would have been working on it for a while. He knew what he was going to say and I don't think he would have just sprung that on Phil without warning if he knew Phil was going to be there. So I think it's likely he told Phil what to expect, but saying it out loud to a camera, knowing it would be seen by millions of people, his friends and probably his family (including his grandma, who he obviously loves and has said watches his videos), would have been an incredibly emotional and difficult thing, I think.
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