StripedSquash wrote: ↑Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:34 pm
I keep refreshing IDB hoping to see more opinions and discussions about Dan's video because I'm still not over it 5 days later. So please do post your point of view, because I can't get enough.
Well, since you asked. I’ve been so emotional over this video since it was released, I didn’t sleep at all on Thursday night and for the first few days it was all I could think about. My fault for getting stupidly invested in these guys, I guess. But it just felt so surreal that this was even a thing that existed, I would just suddenly be hit by that fact while doing whatever and look like a lunatic while walking outside grinning to myself. It still feels surreal, but it has kind of started to sink in a little bit these past couple of days.
I think I’ve now watched it four times completely? And well, from the very first time it’s been obvious just how well-made it is and how much thought and planning went into it. I mean, he took his time, it must have been a year in the making in some capacity at least. But I really appreciate that every small detail from the art to the background music to the editing seems to have been so thoroughly thought out. One of the reasons its existence feels surreal to me is probably the fact that, like many others, I never thought his (or their) coming out would be this public and emphatic. I definitely thought a video on sexuality was possible, even probable based on TTLMT and the comment in a liveshow about moving forward with intent, but this was the kind of statement resulting in articles and the attention of the whole internet that I never dared to expect. I’m glad he did it though, because it resulted in such a magnificent video but also because it clearly was something he wanted to and needed to do, in his words, to move forward in his life. The relief he must have felt afterwards was palpable from the tweets and insta stories over the weekend.
I said in my post after first watching the video that, to me, many aspects of it weren’t surprising but as many and more were. One strange-but-not-surprising thing was to hear him talk about how the sudden blowing up of his youtube career and the change of his relationship with his audience made him scared and caused him to “shut down” and retreat firmly back into the closet. It felt strange and confirmatory because I feel like this is pretty in line with what the fandom understanding of that era was. Him bringing up the old formsprings (with screenshots and all) and referencing the general defensive behaviour on his part from around 2012 felt unreal, I would imagine even more so for people who were actually around back then. All of it makes me feel sad and hugely empathetic towards him. Still, I’m not really here for the general feeling of guilt and admonishment over fandom behaviour by some. To me, invasive questions and demands and prying into information that is not public and actual stalking are rather easily distinguishable and very different from general speculation and fanworks – two things without which it is pretty difficult for me to see how the fandom could even exist. I understand it must have been bloody strange when it first started to happen, and I would never want it to happen to myself – but then again, I would never want to be a public figure in the way that he is and, not to sound unempathetic here, but I just kind of think it comes with his particular job. Their fandom has had a huge part in driving their success, which I think they understand, and they always seem to speak very kindly of their audience. I didn’t feel like Dan meant to admonish us or even fully their audience back then when he condoned invasions of his privacy.
He told us so much more about his early life story than I ever would have imagined, and unfortunately it was so much worse than I would have expected. We knew before that he had been bullied at school, and he had made references to his family life and growing up not being the greatest as well, but my heart just breaks for him over and over again every time I watch or even think about what he told in the video. It is so completely inexcusable that anyone, let alone a child, must go through something like that. The continuous bullying, the abuse, the suicide attempt – I find it hard to wrap my head around it all and all I can really say is that I am so fucking sorry. And that I’m so happy it got so much better for him, because he truly deserves it. This line was one that really hit me: “boys will be boys, especially the gay ones that get killed by the other ones, am I right?” Ouch. I’m always impressed with his ability to balance humour with serious topics, because the video manages to often be really funny despite all the heavy shit that is included. I haven’t really seen this mentioned, understandably so because it’s a highly sensitive issue and there’s nothing to go on and it’s not even directly related to the topic of the video, but immediately after the line I quoted, he talks about home and how he didn’t think he could ask anyone for help there and mentions “economic class, violence, addiction, and health issues” and all I can say is
oh, Dan and how sorry for him I feel all over again. Also, he doesn’t exactly give a great impression of his father in the video, does he. That’s all I’m going to say about all that. He said in Daniel and Depression, I think, that growing up all his environments were bad and that really seems to have been the case.
Something that absolutely fills my heart so much that it feels like it could burst is the way he talks about Phil in the video. I could just quote that whole minute or so when he talks about them, but this is already quite long, so I won’t. But all the descriptive words he uses, how he says they’re soulmates despite souls not existing because he can’t seem to come up with a better word, how he says he felt safe with Phil for the first time since being a small child – I could cry. Imagine having someone talk about you in that way, I certainly can’t. And I’m glad he feels complimented by people’s interest in their relationship; I’m glad he knows how
good they are together and how it shows. (Side note: SZA’s Supermodel just played and my brain, being on its dnp-mode, automatically connected these particular lines to them: “Ooh just get a load of them, they got chemistry / All they could say, we like brother and sister / Look so good together / Bet they fucking for real, and they was right”. Hm. The rest of the song isn’t applicable at all, it’s about an ex-relationship of hers, but do listen to Ctrl if you haven’t and are in the mood for some modern rnb, it’s still great. Sorry about my music wankery interrupting the post.) On the topic of Phil, something that speaks volumes about the trust between them is how Dan,
outed doesn’t feel like the right word because obviously this had been discussed beforehand, but inevitably disclosed things about Phil’s sexuality as well by talking about them in the video. And then Phil came in with the tweet afterwards and I’m just eternally left speechless by how sweet they are.
The most surprising thing about the video to me by far was how Dan came out to his family just this month. I’m actually a bit stunned about it still, I would never in a million years have guessed he wasn’t out to them. I always would have presumed that it would have logically been the case because of his relationship with Phil if not for anything else. Just on a very practical level, we know how they met and how frequently Dan travelled up north to see Phil from the beginning, and surely him meeting this guy and seemingly wanting to spend all his time with him would seem curious at the very least, if not looked through some pretty fucking strong heteronormative lens. But perhaps I am underestimating the strength of that lens, as well as being generally narrow-minded about the situation and privileged with the information of their online behaviour back then. But then in addition to the early days there’s all the years of living together and, well, all of it. I wonder how much they truly did and didn’t know and/or suspect – they certainly didn’t seem massively surprised based on the responses that Dan showed in the video. I suppose his coming out may have been more of a case of saying the words and putting it in explicit terms, but still. Stunned.
I need to actually get on with my morning, so I have no time to write more even if I probably could, but congrats to whomever read all of that, especially since I doubt there was much anything there that hasn’t already been said multiple times over. I feel overwhelmingly happy for Dan that all of it seems to have gone well with the public and his family, I hope that he feels accepted by the amazing response the video got. Saying that, I also look at the 44k dislikes on the video currently and am reminded of how important this video is in so many ways with all the messages it sends. I’m so proud of him, I’m proud of Phil too, and I hope they can move forward with the kind of sense of freedom that they didn’t have before. I’ve been loving the regular tweets and am excited about whatever they’re going to do next. I rewatched the mukbang on Monday and would love a chill video like that, especially because I will miss liveshows forever if they never come back, but eh. I’m fine with whatever, really.
i hope you're not on here. 
) straight white female from a priviliged family, but this video has hit me so hard that I haven't gotten anything remotely useful done since.
)
Hopefully everybody's forgotten about me and my claims of forgetting about D&P because I'm 100% demon and that's just the truth.
