Dan & Phil Part 86: here, queer & full of existential fear

Our two favourite full time internet nerds who never go outside!
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plinthofmylife
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Phil just sent out a members only update and said:

"Firstly if you've been under an actual boulder and haven't already, you should check out Dan's new video! I've never seen someone work so hard on something and you can totally tell that he has. Go give it some more love

In Phil news I'm heading to LA for Vidcon next month! Hopefully see some of y'all there. Also we're going on a mini road trip into Nevada afterwards so I will probs fully melt in the desert heat and become some kind of liquid youtuber who vlogs from a jar."

Gotta love Phil uses "we" pronouns even when he started the paragraph with "in Phil news" but also...way to talk about the video but not actually mention that he, umm, came out?
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Ataraxia25
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rizzo wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:35 pm Did y'all... like..... watch the video? Or any of Dan's videos... ever?

Not to get all spicy on IDB, but Dan made a single Dan-esque joke and folks are taking it at face value and ignoring every serious thing he said about Phil being his life companion and soulmate???

Dan has done nothing over the last handful of years but convey that he craves the D from a myriad of males. I could write a CVS-receipt-length list of moments (Troye Sivan, Evan Peters, that entire exchange between him and Phil about shirtless KJ Apa on insta) and y'all didn't blink an eyelash until he finally told you he's with Phil for life. And now suddenly, we're taking a comment about DMs from cute mutuals seriously?

And if that doesn't do it for you. There's also a slew of evidence in favor of Dan being a bit jealous, protective, and frankly, possessive over Phil. The last thing I envision Dan being okay with is an open relationship.

Like. Look. Everyone's opinion is perfectly valid, that's fine, and yes, sure, we've been conditioned to question everything these guys give to us. But look! Literally look!! At! This! Video! You don't even need to wear the phan goggles. He's literally TELLING YOU Phil is his soulmate and companion through life. That him and Phil prefer to keep their personal life private. That what he and Phil have is theirs and not ours. Like... I just don't understand how all of that gets overridden by a joke.

It's silly to me. This is all silly. I'll be over here on moving mountain (yes, mountain) waiting for the forever home to pop up any time now. And the mongrel they adopt. And also just every interaction we're going to get from now on.

I'm not about to ruin an incredible video and moment for Dan over..... a joke.
This. I'm glad someone said it. That's why I really don't believe in the possibility of an open relationship for them.
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Ablissa
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Here's the full membership thing from Phil. The Dan mentions have me melting.
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Re: open relationship - yeah, that's a no from me as well, a solid and resounding no for many reasons that I have no time to list right now. I'll come back to this later at night and bother you all with a massive, boring post (that will be redundant as the discussion will have moved on by then.) :lol:
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liola
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First of all :happytears:

Also that message has me HMMMMM

First of all, they never mention upcoming plans. And mentioning vidcon almost a month before? No mentioning of upcoming videos?? HMmmm
Will probably never be over the BONCAS and the beauty of Phil Lester.

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greenergrass
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aw phil sponning dan's video and being so proud of him <3
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Philena
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Not letting anyone bring me down right now. Nope. Not gonna happen.

That newsletter is so sweet :happytears:
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glitterintheair
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He finally started B99 and I am at peace with life.
The Dan mentions have me sobbing on the floor but what else is new.
Like Liola, I'm also very HMM at the lack of upcoming vids mentions and the fact they told us about the road trip in advance. Much to think about.
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rizzo
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I'm sorry, but like... if I don't get a post-Coming Out Vegas Video out of this Nevada trip, what was even THE POINT?!!!
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liola
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rizzo wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:03 pm I'm sorry, but like... if I don't get a post-Coming Out Vegas Video out of this Nevada trip, what was even THE POINT?!!!
Just say you're copying my tweets and go uwu :love2:

Okay so - Phil video this weekend, yes or not?
Will probably never be over the BONCAS and the beauty of Phil Lester.

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madzilla84
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I admit my first thought was who’s gonna drive?? Dan hopefully. :rofl: Man, a new Vegas video/day in the life type of thing would be incredible!! (But they could just be going on holiday of course, or going with other YouTubers or who knows.)
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noodlebum
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Viva lads Vegas baby :wavingflag: :lol:
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Honestly I’m begging whatever deity there is for Safiya Nygaard collab :pls:
Also Ablissa even if the conversation moves, I’d be interested in what you have to say on that topic! And not just because I agree, I’m very interested in this discussion. I have to say that I took the thirsty comments in the video as jokes? Me and my close friend joke around like that even though we are in commited happy relationships. But that’s anecdotal and cannot be trusted 100% but occam’s razor everyone :ribena:
I hooooope we are getting a video before vidcon!!! Pls no drought!!! I understand if there is a need for break after Dan’s masterpiece, but now, more than ever, the fandom will want some content. Though maybe new Vegas vid would make us all content waiting for it. Who knows, probably only deppy do.
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malday
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Re: the spicy discussion on the previous page.
I want to quote myself from 2018 and say I FUCKING KNEW IT.
malday wrote:Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:18 pm Whatever status Phil holds in Dan's harem of boyfriends, it must be at least high ranking
I would apologise for shitposting but i don't think i can contribute with anything serious here ever again.

Now bring on the damn vidcon collabs with Safyia, Simply Nailogical and the inevitable Cat vlog (if she's still in Vegas)
Last edited by malday on Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Birdie
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I go out once and I come back to all of this… And since I've typed it out now I'm going to post it even though you've moved on, bear with me, like... Guys, please? Dan deliberately gave us vague information regarding the state of his and Phil’s relationship. He wants it to be private. For now at least, who knows what’s he going to share with us from here on out. But a joke is just a joke. I seriously doubt he actually wants people to slide into his DMs, lmao, or if he does he wouldn’t seriously announce it in a Youtube video viewed by millions. Because that’s obviously what someone who wants his private life to stay private would do.

Can I just say that even if maybe they’re not together anymore I still love what they have a lot? Because if their bond could survive a breakup like that… wow. I want that, I don’t even talk to any of my exes anymore, lol. But, and I say that as someone who was extremely anti-Phan in 2014 or something, I don’t think it’s realistic that they’re not together at this point. It just doesn’t line up with everything they’ve shown and told us in my opinion. Like someone said, they go on holidays together, have lived together for years, work together… I know someone will pop up going „But I do that with my ex as well!“ but still…
“rizzo“ wrote:Like. Look. Everyone's opinion is perfectly valid, that's fine, and yes, sure, we've been conditioned to question everything these guys give to us. But look! Literally look!! At! This! Video! You don't even need to wear the phan goggles. He's literally TELLING YOU Phil is his soulmate and companion through life. That him and Phil prefer to keep their personal life private. That what he and Phil have is theirs and not ours. Like... I just don't understand how all of that gets overridden by a joke.
+1, beautifully said. My anti-phan/agnostic self of the past is quaking but this is the tea.
“alittledizzy“ wrote:A lot of this video hit me pretty hard, but this part specifically has had me thinking nonstop. I hope one day I feel as brave as Dan was, because I'm 34 and I've had it confirmed by the one person in my family i came out to that yeah, everyone knows, but I have never and still don't feel comfortable coming out in a broad way. But as cheesy as it sounds, Dan's giving me hope that one day I might.
Oh man, same. My family totally knows because they keep saying stuff like „When Katka brings a boyfriend or girlfriend home“ and they’ve also made clear they have no problem with me being gay but I still can’t do it. I can’t say it because it will change how people see me and I can’t deal with that at the moment. So what Dan did is super brave and admirable and it doesn’t matter if his family knew it, suspected it or were actually clueless.
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lefthandedism
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annetamiau wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:24 pm
alittledizzy wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:06 pm
annetamiau wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 6:59 pmbut the fact that Dan didn't give the impression of having only been with Phil since the end of 2009.
I do disagree with you strongly, but I'm curious to know why you believe this? Dan didn't say anything about his personal or romantic past 2009 aside from talking briefly about his relationship with Phil in 2011 ("ours and personal") and I've watched that video enough times to practically have it memorized.

In fact, the only explicit reference to sex he really made at all aside from things that are just as valid within a relationship (as in, that he has sex) was phrased as being immediately before Phil.
I have to admit there wasn't a single point that I remember, and I have only watched the video once. It was the general impression I got and I could very well be completely wrong. However, I do think Dan and Phil are together, and monogamous or not their relationship is like out of a film.

Also I wasn't trying to say gay couples can't commit to serious dating, I was just quoting my dad who has been in a gay relationship for 10+ years and whose friends are mostly also long term gay couples (we live in the south of Europe).
You may be thinking about the part at 22:05 ( thanks itasca00!):

"Wow, I had a lot of fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let's just say: I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system too. Sorry. "

When did Dan have this fun? While still with his girlfriend? During the few days or weeks between her and Phil? Coincident with the early days of Phil? All three? It certainly seems likely to me that that fun didn't stop when he started with Phil. He implies that it stopped after 2009, though there perhaps wasn't a hard cut off even then. Wasn't it in reference to the 2009 New Year's Eve party that he tweeted Phil would have to keep him on a tight leash?

Yes, Dan jokes, but there is usually truth in jest.

I will reassert that I believe that they are in a committed long term relationship. But I also think that Dan's told us enough that we should be open to the idea that in fact they have a open relationship. And that's ok if that's what works for them! And their relationship seems to be working great. :tu: :prideheart2:
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Artdefines06
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fancybum wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:44 pm
Artdefines06 wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:15 pm Dan made a really sweet comment about being free to screw it all up in peace and I really loved that because it is so true but guess what he already has been. We know they were together and we saw the strain on their relationship in 2012 and we don't truly know about now but if they have been together than Phil is the biggest saint any of us have ever seen to put up with being closeted this long. Its not been healthy for him either to be closeted this long. It means he isnt really living his truth either and while he does have a much more "at peace" approach to it the denial is still there and strong and a problem in the long run. If they are together he is still half the decision-making process for things like "how do we tell people we almost bought a house together?, oh we dont we say you almost bought one and leave me out of it." That stuff is damaging esp to someone like Dan who has high anxiety about everything.
I've been trying to stay away from everything but wow, I'm sorry, I think these are really disgusting things to say about somebody you don't really know anything about (but also just generally). You have Dan's story and struggle with all of this, but I don't think it follows to just automatically extrapolate it to Phil's exact experience as well. How is not explicitly telling the world specific details about his own private life mean he's in denial and unhealthy? Who even are you to decide he's considered himself ~closeted this entire time without him saying that? And even worse insinuating it's been Dan's "fault"? He's a saint for putting up with Dan's issues? Like what the actual fuck is this entire statement?
Wow reading that back it does sound really creepy and bad. I shouldnt hurry post and not proof. Its why Ive stayed away for so long now I guess I should have stuck with that.

I guess what I meant to say is more that The entirety of being a celebrity is unhealthy - being a youtuber is unhealthy - having to lie in any way about anything is in fact unhealthy. It creates stress and stress leads to health problems. I'm not saying we need to know everything, I'm saying that outright lies to cover giant truths in your life are not mentally or physically healthy. This has been spoken about by much smarter people than me. Its half the point of Dan's video - he is doing a Mental Health conference at vidcon and man am I interested in what he has to say. He knows the two things are tied together and to say it applies to him only and not to Phil or any other youtuber is very selective.

yes I used bad words like closeted and saint and went further than my thoughts meant to go but this is what I meant at heart. I do know a thing or two about relationships and what is healthy and what is not and just wanted to give my pov. I was the crazy person who broke up with my now husband multiple times out of various fears and did things I regret and my husband is a saint to have stuck around and put up with me. I'm sure there is some projection but I truly meant it as a compliment, not a put-down.

Im just a worry wort who wants everyone in the world to be perfectly happy and am convinced there is only one way to do it even though that is not true sorry I'm not perfect.
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I mean they could be going with Tyler and his group and bringing miss Benny along for the ride to have one big party but as long as I get some phan interaction I’m not complaining.
In fact, I’d love it if they went with Tyler and company because then we’d probably get some fun stories
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rizzo wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:03 pm I'm sorry, but like... if I don't get a post-Coming Out Vegas Video out of this Nevada trip, what was even THE POINT?!!!
For all we know the footage will be mysteriously lost or run through an airport scanner before we can ever see it

Also since we are making requests can we please get the cake footage that I saw with my own two human eyes IRL. I just want to know it wasn't a fever dream.
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I live now where near america and have never been, but isn’t a road trip from florida to nevada a long freaking drive? d&p are europeans like myself, so to call this a ‘small road trip’ surprises me lmao. but I’m very intrigued by them telling us a month ahead. even telling us they’re going on something non-work related is strange haha. can’t wait to see what that’s all about.
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alittledizzy
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firsttimeposter wrote: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:51 pm I live now where near america and have never been, but isn’t a road trip from florida to nevada a long freaking drive? d&p are europeans like myself, so to call this a ‘small road trip’ surprises me lmao. but I’m very intrigued by them telling us a month ahead. even telling us they’re going on something non-work related is strange haha. can’t wait to see what that’s all about.
This trip is Los Angeles to Vegas, which I think is about five hours?

The driving part of it makes me immediately think it'll be Martyn and Cornelia with them, because I'm not sure Dan would be practiced enough to jump into driving in another country. Or maybe he's been taking lessons too?

Either way I'm hyped as fuck. Bring on this road trip!
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obsessivelymoody
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I'm just!!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!!! I love love and I love being a fan of those two nerds!!! I'm literally dying over them watching b99, and over this whole Nevada trip! I can already imagine how silly and sweet they would be, and how domestic ): I'm also always, always here for casual mentions of each other, and truly scoffed at "Phil News" and then a big old "we". :')

I'm also thinking Cornelia or Martyn might do the driving as Cornelia just got her license, and idk I would absolutely not trust Dan or Phil to drive that kind of distance in the States.
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I think Cat lives in Nevada now. I wonder if she'll be attending VidCon and they'll be driving with her.
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Brave of Cornelia to just get her licence and drive across states. Why couldn’t Dan do it? I believe in Dan the driver! Yeah, I got no more to say right now, but I’ve had a great time reading everyone’s posts and all the “hits different” on Twitter. Road trip sounds fun.
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hello9217
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Sorry if anyone has said this already but I don't have time to read back everything.
Nothing wrong with an open relationship and anything is possible but I just want to add my two cents in this discussion. It wasn't until after late november or december of 2009 that dan changed his relationship status on myspace from single to in a relationship. So it is very possible that they weren't in a committed relationship as dan was "finding himself" (don't know how to phrase that). But then after one of dan's many trips up there during november and december they decided to commit to each other. It also makes sense bc I doubt dan broke up with his gf and the immediately started dating phil.
Any who that members post was adorable and I will need phil's immediate thoughts upon seeing cheddar, the corgi in the show.
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noodlebum
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I wonder if they filmed playing Zelda together at all? Is it too much to hope for?
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