Dan & Phil Part 87: post coming out universe

Our two favourite full time internet nerds who never go outside!
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flarequake
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Assuming the BBC 10pm news programme has an LGBT segment on Thursdays (for these 2 weeks anyway), it should be tonight. They seem to put the less serious things like that at about 10.20pm. It should be on iPlayer for 24 hours afterwards, but I don’t know yet if a screen recorder like OBS works or if they block it. Dan might yet tweet tonight to confirm, but Ben the journalist’s ig has been all holiday fun this week so he hasn’t mentioned it. I’m not sure if it might even pop up in the next 20 mins on the 6pm news, but they put that on iPlayer too anyway.
GalaxyDarling
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Thanks @flarequake! :love1:

Idk what to expect from that interview, but my fave Dan thing is him getting really serious about social justice, so we could get that today. :wavingflag:
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sparkle
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I cannot stop fucking thinking about 'classic straight jean'.
:sparkle: dan howell gives me life :sparkle:
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flarequake
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It’s about what his video talked about, and it’s likely to only be 90 seconds long, but I guess we’ll see.
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bluecaterpillar
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citizen_erased wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:54 pm
wait...is that..not?? universally agreed?? :shrug: (putting this in my mental 'I might be gayer than I thought' list, which is growing a lot lately lmao)
apparently not if the conversations i used to overhear among the straight girls at school are anything to go by! it was one of the bullet points in a tumblr list of ‘things that might indicate that you’re a lesbian’ and it was one that really stuck with me because i’d never even consciously realised i was making that assumption. at the time i also mentioned it to my friend who identified as asexual and she was like ‘wait, i do that too’ ... turned out she is also a lesbian.

disclaimer, obvs it doesn’t have to mean anything in particular about an individual’s sexuality but it’s something which has made a lot of sense to me personally
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apathy
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kavat wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:33 pm It's really interesting hearing all the different stories. I considered myself straight for lack of a better word for most of my life, until I joined the phandom at age 26. That made me come back to tumblr after years off and I stumbled over the word asexual for the first time. I had only ever heard it in medical context before, never as a sexuality. I read up on all the different terms under the ace umbrella (demi, grey, flux etc) and for the first time realized that maybe I wasn't an emotionless robot, I was just ace. Finding that label also made me more comfortable in acknowledging attraction to more than just guys. I'm still pretty comfortable being a formelss blob, but an ace one :asexualheart:

So big thank you to the phandom for being so vocal about queer topics and sexuality, it literally changed my life :rainbow:
I also had never known what asexuality was until phandom. But as an oblivious ace/aro who didn't know those things existed, it took me over 30 years to realize that it wasn't just a few random obsessed people and a lot of media hype... most people do actually want to have sex with other people and I was the "weird" one all along. :shock: Crazy. :lol: It's extremely obvious in hindsight to put the pieces together but I never had the perspective or terminology to know the difference.

So the main parts of D&Ps stories that I directly relate to are just extended years of loneliness and Phil's missing out on "life experiences". There were times when I thought I wanted to date, but mainly because I felt left out and unwanted and it's what you're "supposed" to do, but even the time I halfheartedly attempted a dating site profile, I couldn't commit to selecting more than looking for friendship without feeling weird about it (belatedly obvious hint #2341). It definitely sucks to feel like something's wrong with you because you're not having whatever "normal" experience other people have.

Unfortunately I don't have a soulmate to make it better, and have long ago given up hope. But it makes me happy to see their connection and how it worked out for them.
That's my socializing quota for the month up.
Templeofshame
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citizen_erased wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:54 pm
bluecaterpillar wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:04 pm also, big generalisation here which is not directed at anyone in particular- i suspect there’s a difference between gay men and women here in that it’s harder for women to recognise that what they feel for other women is more than friendship. since the media etc focuses so much on women’s appearances, whether particular women look attractive etc, and also normalises girls being platonically intimate with each other to a much greater extent than boys. growing up i just assumed that it was a universally agreed upon truth that women are more attractive than men.
wait...is that..not?? universally agreed?? :shrug: (putting this in my mental 'I might be gayer than I thought' list, which is growing a lot lately lmao)
I think there's an important distinction here between what is societally deemed attractive and what an individual is attracted to. (Is this actually on topic at this point? Not sure so spoilering it.)
I think that if a woman experiences attraction to women more than to men, that indicates some type/degree of queerness (depending on the type of attraction experienced).

But also, societally women are told that we Must Be Attractive (for a societal definition of attractiveness) way more than men on the whole, that our worth is determined by attractiveness, and that we should be actively working towards greater attractiveness all the time. And relatedly, it's more common and accepted for women to put a lot of effort into maximizing societal attractiveness. If you compare the "everyman" characters in movies who are men and women, it's generally pretty clear that the standard of "normal" attractiveness in men is lower than in women (and that's in an environment where men and women are all wearing makeup). So, I think outside of what gender(s) an individual is attracted to, it's fairly common for people to view women on the whole as being more societally attractive than men on the whole.
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apathy wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 5:58 pm
kavat wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:33 pm It's really interesting hearing all the different stories. I considered myself straight for lack of a better word for most of my life, until I joined the phandom at age 26. That made me come back to tumblr after years off and I stumbled over the word asexual for the first time. I had only ever heard it in medical context before, never as a sexuality. I read up on all the different terms under the ace umbrella (demi, grey, flux etc) and for the first time realized that maybe I wasn't an emotionless robot, I was just ace. Finding that label also made me more comfortable in acknowledging attraction to more than just guys. I'm still pretty comfortable being a formelss blob, but an ace one :asexualheart:

So big thank you to the phandom for being so vocal about queer topics and sexuality, it literally changed my life :rainbow:
I also had never known what asexuality was until phandom. But as an oblivious ace/aro who didn't know those things existed, it took me over 30 years to realize that it wasn't just a few random obsessed people and a lot of media hype... most people do actually want to have sex with other people and I was the "weird" one all along. :shock: Crazy. :lol: It's extremely obvious in hindsight to put the pieces together but I never had the perspective or terminology to know the difference.
So the main parts of D&Ps stories that I directly relate to are just extended years of loneliness and Phil's missing out on "life experiences". There were times when I thought I wanted to date, but mainly because I felt left out and unwanted and it's what you're "supposed" to do, but even the time I halfheartedly attempted a dating site profile, I couldn't commit to selecting more than looking for friendship without feeling weird about it (belatedly obvious hint #2341). It definitely sucks to feel like something's wrong with you because you're not having whatever "normal" experience other people have.

Unfortunately I don't have a soulmate to make it better, and have long ago given up hope. But it makes me happy to see their connection and how it worked out for them.
This is quite funny to me because I had similarly misinformed impressions growing up ace. As a teenager I remember expressing my theory to my mother that no one actually enjoyed kissing, people just kissed because they'd seen it in romance movies. :lol: (Don't ask me where I thought the practice of kissing in romance movies came from, it wasn't a very well developed theory.)
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kavat
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knq wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:11 pm
apathy wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 5:58 pm
kavat wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:33 pm It's really interesting hearing all the different stories. I considered myself straight for lack of a better word for most of my life, until I joined the phandom at age 26. That made me come back to tumblr after years off and I stumbled over the word asexual for the first time. I had only ever heard it in medical context before, never as a sexuality. I read up on all the different terms under the ace umbrella (demi, grey, flux etc) and for the first time realized that maybe I wasn't an emotionless robot, I was just ace. Finding that label also made me more comfortable in acknowledging attraction to more than just guys. I'm still pretty comfortable being a formelss blob, but an ace one :asexualheart:

So big thank you to the phandom for being so vocal about queer topics and sexuality, it literally changed my life :rainbow:
I also had never known what asexuality was until phandom. But as an oblivious ace/aro who didn't know those things existed, it took me over 30 years to realize that it wasn't just a few random obsessed people and a lot of media hype... most people do actually want to have sex with other people and I was the "weird" one all along. :shock: Crazy. :lol: It's extremely obvious in hindsight to put the pieces together but I never had the perspective or terminology to know the difference.
So the main parts of D&Ps stories that I directly relate to are just extended years of loneliness and Phil's missing out on "life experiences". There were times when I thought I wanted to date, but mainly because I felt left out and unwanted and it's what you're "supposed" to do, but even the time I halfheartedly attempted a dating site profile, I couldn't commit to selecting more than looking for friendship without feeling weird about it (belatedly obvious hint #2341). It definitely sucks to feel like something's wrong with you because you're not having whatever "normal" experience other people have.

Unfortunately I don't have a soulmate to make it better, and have long ago given up hope. But it makes me happy to see their connection and how it worked out for them.
This is quite funny to me because I had similarly misinformed impressions growing up ace. As a teenager I remember expressing my theory to my mother that no one actually enjoyed kissing, people just kissed because they'd seen it in romance movies. :lol: (Don't ask me where I thought the practice of kissing in romance movies came from, it wasn't a very well developed theory.)
I mean I still have those ace moments every now and then... Like in the beginning of Dan's video where he talks about sex and says "Are we gonna fuck? Or like, could we?" and my ace brain just goes "Are allos really walking around thinking about that all the time? Sounds fake but okay".
wells.kai
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WOWIE this forum moves really fast...

im late to this but the “sexual orientation awakening” thing totally happened to me... im 16 (17 on july 10) and long story short one night when i was about 12-13, i was hit with a metaphorical ton of bricks when i realized i had a crush on my best (straight) friend...

back to the DITL australia:
autumnhearth wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 12:04 pm
I don’t put much stock in hotel setups, talent usually do get their own rooms, even if it was coordinated by a manger who knew about their relationship. The double rooms are cute especially that one tour gaming video (Dumber Ways to Die) that had Phil’s pillow on the left bed behind Dan and Dan’s on the right behind Phil. There’s all sorts of reasons to want or not want space, or to use extra space however you want for food [laughter] or sex. Fun fact about DITL Australia, the hotel rooms were only for that wildlife excursion, the whole TATINOF Australia tour had them and all the crew set up in apartments, two bedrooms each obviously Dan and Phil shared.
could i have some more explanation on this? im still kinda confused about this...
Sincerely,
Your full time internet homo :gayaf:
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noodlebum
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On the topic, am pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. This post helps a bit for me
https://www.bustle.com/articles/69299-a ... rientation
Kissing (making out especially, which I haven't even attempted since maybe 18) and anything sexual with someone else just doesn't feel natural to me/feels super awkward :? I do it because, well, I'm married and it's not really fair on him, he makes enough sacrifices on my part. I just thought I was frigid or shy my whole life until I heard more about asexuality and the various sub-types maybe 2 years ago. But sex/kissing definitely not natural to me, and have felt like a freak for it since forever! I like the holding hands/cuddles/companionship bit, and love a good romance movie/book. But can't ever feel comfortable actually taking part in sexual stuff... don't know what that means specifically label wise but yep, there we go. I joke about it and my husband looks sad and family/friends look weirded out :oops:
Anyway, trying to stay on DnP as a topic somehow.... yeah, can't relate to Dan's seemingly-constant thirst at all :lol: :lol:
Last edited by noodlebum on Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Cafil
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kavat wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:28 pm
knq wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:11 pm
apathy wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 5:58 pm
kavat wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:33 pm It's really interesting hearing all the different stories. I considered myself straight for lack of a better word for most of my life, until I joined the phandom at age 26. That made me come back to tumblr after years off and I stumbled over the word asexual for the first time. I had only ever heard it in medical context before, never as a sexuality. I read up on all the different terms under the ace umbrella (demi, grey, flux etc) and for the first time realized that maybe I wasn't an emotionless robot, I was just ace. Finding that label also made me more comfortable in acknowledging attraction to more than just guys. I'm still pretty comfortable being a formelss blob, but an ace one :asexualheart:

So big thank you to the phandom for being so vocal about queer topics and sexuality, it literally changed my life :rainbow:
I also had never known what asexuality was until phandom. But as an oblivious ace/aro who didn't know those things existed, it took me over 30 years to realize that it wasn't just a few random obsessed people and a lot of media hype... most people do actually want to have sex with other people and I was the "weird" one all along. :shock: Crazy. :lol: It's extremely obvious in hindsight to put the pieces together but I never had the perspective or terminology to know the difference.
So the main parts of D&Ps stories that I directly relate to are just extended years of loneliness and Phil's missing out on "life experiences". There were times when I thought I wanted to date, but mainly because I felt left out and unwanted and it's what you're "supposed" to do, but even the time I halfheartedly attempted a dating site profile, I couldn't commit to selecting more than looking for friendship without feeling weird about it (belatedly obvious hint #2341). It definitely sucks to feel like something's wrong with you because you're not having whatever "normal" experience other people have.

Unfortunately I don't have a soulmate to make it better, and have long ago given up hope. But it makes me happy to see their connection and how it worked out for them.
This is quite funny to me because I had similarly misinformed impressions growing up ace. As a teenager I remember expressing my theory to my mother that no one actually enjoyed kissing, people just kissed because they'd seen it in romance movies. :lol: (Don't ask me where I thought the practice of kissing in romance movies came from, it wasn't a very well developed theory.)
I mean I still have those ace moments every now and then... Like in the beginning of Dan's video where he talks about sex and says "Are we gonna fuck? Or like, could we?" and my ace brain just goes "Are allos really walking around thinking about that all the time? Sounds fake but okay".
I'm pretty sure I'm not ace but I had that thought too :lol: Like I don't really think about things like that even when interested, if I do it's an afterthought
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knq
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Netflix night at the d&p house <3
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sparkle
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Honestly sexuality is confusing af. I've never really had any big issue in terms of not realising or accepting that I'm bisexual/queer/gay. It was always just a thing? I think it first clicked when I was 13/14 but looking back I can definitely see my first crush on a female being my year 3 teacher when I was like 7?

I relate to Dans story a lot though. My ex girlfriend tried to out me to my family by staging situations where we'd get walked in on, or would try and bring it up when around my family, despite me not feeling ready or safe. And having evidence of why I wouldn't be safe. And if I'd been in his situation I honestly don't know how I would have coped.

I also relate a lot to Phils. I can say I'm bisexual/queer/gay comfortably - and I completely get why he says you never stop coming out because you don't. The amount of times I have to correct people who make assumptions is exhausting.

And I do use the labels interchangeably. I am bisexual, but it's more nuanced than that so I like the umbrella of queer. But I'm also assumed to be gay because I'm with a girl, so I identify with that too.


More on topic I am in desperate need of joint content. I've watched so much gaming channel. Send help. Please.
:sparkle: dan howell gives me life :sparkle:
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:sparkle:
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noodlebum
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sparkle wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:19 pm More on topic I am in desperate need of joint content. I've watched so much gaming channel. Send help. Please.
Same, I watched that bread simulator one today, think I missed it first time around. It looked so frustrating, but also tempting to try and play myself (like I'd be any better than them video-gaming nerds? nooo) :P
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obsessivelymoody
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Looks like some new Phil merch is coming tomorrow!
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alittledizzy
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Phil bud bro pal friend if you want to offer me some personalized fanservice: gay socks. make some gay socks. i will :ourmoney: all up at you.
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noodlebum
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Rocket socks though
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angrymob
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I always thought the whole "moment I realized I was gay" thing was more of a "first inkling of gayness which is later support and confirmed by further evidence of the gay" thing. I can clearly remember the first moment I worried that I might be gay, but brushed it off as a one-off thing until repeated instances. I feel like puberty doesn't really manifest that succintly at least, or if it does I'm probably more bisexual that I thought.
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laurenbacall
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phil's instastory got me so excited. seeing that pantone swatch made me think he was gonna post a "dan and phil new house tour" video tomorrow. then i noticed the irl merch tag......... i broke my own heart
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madzilla84
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I did a similar thing, lol. “Something WE’VE been working on??” :o :D :love1: oh ... you mean ‘we’ as in you and the merch team ... right. :cry:
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noodlebum
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madzilla84 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 pm I did a similar thing, lol. “Something WE’VE been working on??” :o :D :love1: oh ... you mean ‘we’ as in you and the merch team ... right. :cry:
I did exactly this :lol:
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AltMay
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madzilla84 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 pm I did a similar thing, lol. “Something WE’VE been working on??” :o :D :love1: oh ... you mean ‘we’ as in you and the merch team ... right. :cry:
Me too ;-;
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OhItsElliott
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madzilla84 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 pm I did a similar thing, lol. “Something WE’VE been working on??” :o :D :love1: oh ... you mean ‘we’ as in you and the merch team ... right. :cry:
yep. me three
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cheekyc
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I’m thinking a candle collection, announced via candle haul.
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