So the other day I was watching the Heartthrob video and I'm always so fascinated by their explanations for why they think the other chose who they chose, but on this rewatch I was really drawn into that narrative that many people have assumed about their relationship re: who was more "experienced" in the sex department when they got together. Generally, it's been assumed that it was Phil because he's older, already went through uni, and Dan had a girlfriend for such a long time, among some other reasons. But after watching BIG that seems to be quite different, at least with what Dan says at this bit (credits to
itasca00 for the amazing timestamps!):
22:05: Wow, I had a lot of fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let’s just say: I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system too. Sorry.
Seeing as this is something a lot of people didn't expect about Dan, I was really intrigued by what Phil says at this bit in the Heartthrob video, rationalizing why Dan chose Bobby:
14:46:
P: Dan, I think you were moved by the fact that Bobby’s never been kissed ‘cause you chose Bobby!
D: I chose Bobby!
P: Yes!
D: Right, okay. No, no. But not just that. Explain to me--I want you to show everybody how you think you understand me.
P: Fine.
D: Why did I choose Bobby?
P: Okay. First of all: He’s got a nice car. He can take you on some nice dates. Secondly, he wants to be a secret agent. That’s something you can chat about. Like, what’s the mystery? What are we solving? Are we going on an adventure?
D: Right. And you think I’d like that. Okay. Yep.
P: Thirdly, nudist. You’ve got, like, weird, furry stuff going on. You might enjoy a bit of nudism. I don’t know. Never been kissed: That’s like a movie. That’s like: I’m in a movie.
D: Yeah. You were wrong at every single point there. I am so offended by everything you just said. No.
P: What?
D: That’s not the--The reason I like Bobby is because--
P: ‘Cause of the guns?
D: Look, you’re a t--No. You’re--Mayb--Okay. You’re a teenager.
P: Yeah.
D: You’re not choosing your husband for life.
P: You’re going on a date.
D: This is the time when you make mistakes.
P: So you’re choosing a mistake?
D: You have experiences. You just need to--Look. Bobby seems like maybe someone that you can heal. He seems like there’s a lot of--
P: Like a project?
D: There’s--Yeah.
P: Wow.
D: Yeah.
P: Sure.
D: He needs me more than Richard!
P: Alright.
D: Richard’s got his tuba! He’s got his magic. Bobby’s got nothing other than a fragile self-esteem and amazing biceps.
P: Okay.
Aside from the little jokes about being a furry and whatever I think there's some stuff we can really unpack here [mumbles about John Mulaney]. I think Phil, knowing Dan as well as he does and for as long as he has, and what we know about the nature of the beginning of their relationship, wouldn't say something about Dan being intrigued by the fact Bobby hasn't been kissed unless he didn't actually think it's a good rationalization for why Dan chose him. And I also think mr. expensive-skybar-on-the-first-date Lester has the same thought process for why he said Dan would choose him so he can go on nice dates.
I also think there's something worth noting about them talking about Bobby being a "project" or someone to work and grow with. I think because of how young they both were when they got together and how far they've come and changed over the last ten years together this holds some weight. I'm not trying to say Phil is Bobby or anything, but I think it says something about the person Dan is. Which is to say, quite different from when he was 18 to 27 in the video. I think when he was young and still a teenager he was more inclined to experiment and try things out--as many teenagers do--when he felt comfortable enough to do so, and when Phil came into his life that shifted with the nature of their relationship. As an adult, I think he can look back and see that not every teenage relationship is supposed to turn into something that lasts forever, and sometimes having certain people in your life at certain points is a learning experience more than anything.
Personally, I think when they got together they probably knew that this wasn't going to be some kind of fling or a relationship that would eventually fizzle out. I think they've been on the super best friends and soulmates train together since the beginning. But stuff like this is so curious to me because of both the phandom's general thought for years of Phil having more experience with sex and relationships than Dan, and how it--at least in my mind--alters that early dynamic between them in that way.
I'm genuinely curious if anyone else has thoughts about this, or what anyone else thinks about this. It's just a thought I had that spiralled into this so I would love to hear other people's thoughts! Please jump down this hole with me lol