Dan & Phil Part 93: Fomosexual

[knq]

Part of me is sad they can't have a theater date without being spotted but also...... ahhhhhHHHHH I missed their faces together.

Yes. Same. Though I think there must be times they're out and not spotted, but there's no proof of that because not being seen can't be recorded. Did that make sense?

Regardless, I must say I'm really happy to see them side by side.

Absolutely. I think they tend to post about where they were when they’ve taken a photo with a fan, too, which is another reason it might seem like they’re always or often being spotted when they go out.

[liola]

Oh pretty men how I've missed your beautiful faces in the same frame they look good and happy and healthy and I love theatre dates!!! I chuckle to myself thinking of Dan buying the tickets with the excuse that it's a pre-birthday gift while also totally being a gift for himself as well. I'm jealous they went to see DEH, it's a gem.

On a selfish note, Phil wearing black and his glasses, wow, Phillies stay winning

[flarequake]

Ooh, pretty photo. I’m partly noticing the shine on Dan’s lip, has he found a lip balm he likes at last?

[Amiaw]

I’ve seen a few people on Twitter claim it was a press night so they were probably invited but the only other influencers that I’ve seen that were there were Caspar Lee and his girlfriend Amber and neither of them said their tickets were gifted so idk.

If it was a press night still glad we got a picture but just strange that Phil wouldn’t mention being invited in his live show

[flarequake]

A quick google tells me it opened in October or December last year. Previews are usually for only a few weeks beforehand.

[Templeofshame]

I’ve seen a few people on Twitter claim it was a press night so they were probably invited but the only other influencers that I’ve seen that were there were Caspar Lee and his girlfriend Amber and neither of them said their tickets were gifted so idk.

If it was a press night still glad we got a picture but just strange that Phil wouldn’t mention being invited in his live show

Dear Evan Hansen in London has been open since November... I'm not sure what the UK laws are on disclosure for those things (maybe they don't have to say things were gifted, just if they were paid monetarily?) but it seems pretty unlikely to me that the DEH folks felt like a few months into the run they really wanted to get YouTubers in to see it.

I'm curious if there's actual evidence of it being press night (when I Google it, I'm getting Nov. 19, 2019 as press night) or if people are just confused about the fact that Dear Evan Hansen has Monday night performances? (Monday night performances sometimes get called things like "industry night," but not generally "press night" because other nights don't pose a problem for the press, only for people who are working on other shows.)

[Amiaw]

I know we talk about dan’s likes on twitter a lot and yesterday he liked a tweet from Grindr. I’m really curious as to his thought processes there because he’s said in the past that he’s careful what he gives clicks to. He doesn’t follow the Grindr account but even interacting with it is interesting.

[liola]

I know we talk about dan’s likes on twitter a lot and yesterday he liked a tweet from Grindr. I’m really curious as to his thought processes there because he’s said in the past that he’s careful what he gives clicks to. He doesn’t follow the Grindr account but even interacting with it is interesting.

I mean I actually don't think it's that deep in this case, it's a viral tweet and a pretty damn funny one at that, I doubt he thought too much about it (but even if he did, it's PCOU so i doubt he would give that much thought. I mean, I follow the pornhub account for the memes )

[alittledizzy]

I know we talk about dan’s likes on twitter a lot and yesterday he liked a tweet from Grindr. I’m really curious as to his thought processes there because he’s said in the past that he’s careful what he gives clicks to. He doesn’t follow the Grindr account but even interacting with it is interesting.

I mean I actually don't think it's that deep in this case, it's a viral tweet and a pretty damn funny one at that, I doubt he thought too much about it (but even if he did, it's PCOU so i doubt he would give that much thought. I mean, I follow the pornhub account for the memes )

Yeah I think the like was for the humor of it - I saw that retweeted on my feed yesterday and laughed and I definitely don't follow Grindr.

[kavat]

[Amiaw]

Hopefully the birthday tweet didn’t die for this. Fingers crossed he’ll tweet twice in the same week

[bluecaterpillar]

as well as the grindr tweet just being funny, i enjoyed the fact that it was shading eminem in particular, given that dan has specifically mentioned his music/lyrics as part of the cultural homophobia that surrounded him when he was younger. there's that bit in big where he says his school was full of 'psychopathic gorillas fuelled by testosterone, red bull and eminem albums. making sure the word 'f*gg*t' no longer means an innocent bundle of sticks or a cigarette anymore in the british lexicon. nope, now it was a cool homophobic slur.'

Hopefully the birthday tweet didn’t die for this. Fingers crossed he’ll tweet twice in the same week

with all the other joint things they've let die, i hope the birthday tweet remains. although what i really wish is that dan would take a leaf out of phil's book and post a bunch of previously unseen photos of him for the happy birthday tweet. the pic phil tweeted last year of dan in the britney spears tshirt is one of my faves.

[alittledizzy]

So much debate happening instantly on social media platforms over this tweet, I almost feel like it's the aftermath of a Dan liveshow all over again. I feel like there are people who have social anxiety/anxious tendencies/people pleasing tendencies who are seeing it and going 'yes, me, I relate' and then people who have a little more sense of self just going 'nope sorry Dan that's not it' and watching the back and forth happening is... interesting, in a way that makes me feel for both sides.

[madzilla84]

I think my main feeling about it is that I never know quite how - deep, I guess? some of these sort of tweets are, vs being relatable/on-brand. (Like the impostor syndrome one he eventually kind of laughed off, which is a very Dan thing to do.) On this occasion, I do think it sounds like it’s genuine, which makes me hurt for him and worry about him. (But I can never know for sure, obviously.)

And I also wonder about *why* he posts stuff like this; 99% of the time he’s intensely private and shares next to nothing, and then occasionally he’ll just post something so personal like this and it always kind of makes me wonder why. Many possibilities, lots of them good. I’m really glad he feels like he still wants to share personal thoughts with us sometimes, but then I’m left troubled by tweets like this, and it makes me sad. A strange mix of emotions.

(Disclaimer: I’m sure he’s doing ok, has an excellent support network and many resources etc, but still. *frets*)

Also, re the content itself, I absolutely felt that way until fairly recently, but I am a bit older than Dan. Ironically, he helped me a lot with it. Unfortunately, while it gets a bit easier with time and work, self-discovery isn’t a finite process.

ETA: I loved some of his replies though.

[knq]

So much debate happening instantly on social media platforms over this tweet, I almost feel like it's the aftermath of a Dan liveshow all over again. I feel like there are people who have social anxiety/anxious tendencies/people pleasing tendencies who are seeing it and going 'yes, me, I relate' and then people who have a little more sense of self just going 'nope sorry Dan that's not it' and watching the back and forth happening is... interesting, in a way that makes me feel for both sides.

I. Why? But why though? Why would you read a Dan tweet and think he is (either accurately or inaccurately) attempting to describe your experiences or, even more broadly, the experiences of an entire subset of people rather than... his own?

I had to scroll back and see if Dan had tweeted something else because that makes so little sense to me. Is it tied to how relatable he's supposed to be? Are people really just out there like "ah, finally, it's Dan Howell, here to express my feelings"?

[flarequake]

Being relatable is Dan’s thing and people feel close to him in a way, I think that’s why, it resonates. I feel for him, it sounds like a very confusing state or thought. Maybe tweeting today is to get everyone warmed up for Thursday.

[glitterintheair]

I relate to the feeling, unfortunately. I relate to Dan in general tbh, which is why his “disappearance” from the Internet upsets me; it’s always comforting to know that someone else goes through your same stuff and shares it. It makes you feel Seen. Too bad it’s happening very rarely these days. Oh well.

Like flarequake said, I also think he tweeted today so people can warm up to the idea of a birthday tweet.

[liola]

A lot of times I roll my eyes because Dan's tweet are often so inherently edgy to be relatable but maybe it's because I talked about this very same feeling just Saturday with my therapist or because I relate to that feeling so deeply that I just want to give Dan a warm hug. When you go through years of hiding yourselves (for one reason or another) and face bullying and abuse in a time where you're still developing as a person, it can be hard for you to feel like you are a complete person. I'm not surprised he feels this way and it ties to what he said during the mukbang. It's a complex feeling.

As for why he shares this things while being private - sometimes it feels cathartic, and sometimes it feels like while being public and very much permanent, a tweet is it's own message sent into the void instead of a thought kept in the brain, to circle through the stages of over thinking and crisis. It can be good to share your feelings and see if others relate as well, makes you feel less alone, less "dramatic", in a way that talking to people close to you - but dont understand - sometimes doesn't.

[knq]

Oh yeah, I do understand that people relate to Dan, and his tweet attracting people who feel similarly makes sense to me. It's the 'nope sorry Dan that's not it' response that gets me. That's not what? That's not how I feel, so it's wrong? That response rests on the premise that Dan was trying to describe how I feel in the first place.

But like, I have a strong reaction to anyone being told a description of their inner experiences isn't correct, regardless of the format. It genuinely makes my skin crawl. That's a me thing, so maybe I'm just tripping over the wording and missing the point

[liola]

Oh yeah, I do understand that people relate to Dan, and his tweet attracting people who feel similarly makes sense to me. It's the 'nope sorry Dan that's not it' response that gets me. That's not what? That's not how I feel, so it's wrong? That response rests on the premise that Dan was trying to describe how I feel in the first place.

But like, I have a strong reaction to anyone being told a description of their inner experiences isn't correct, regardless of the format. It genuinely makes my skin crawl. That's a me thing, so maybe I'm just tripping over the wording and missing the point

No I personally get what you mean. I think sometimes seeing those thoughts laid out like that can feel triggering, or maybe the sarcastic and jokey tone he tends to use make it feel like he's overlooking an issue that is actually something he's expressed a lot. Like I said, sometimes I roll my eyes at the tweets that are clearly done to be edgy (the voting tweet is still the stuff of nightmares) but this.. wasn't. But some people might not think So, or might think he isn't using y he right language. Some people hate joining about death, it's pretty relative tbh

[Megancita75]

Re: the tweet. I also think being in the public eye and performing and having a public persona might also make it hard to have a solid self-identity. I relate to this tweet in the sense that I've felt this feeling before, though I don't generally feel it now, so I suppose my main reaction is to relate but also think it can be a temporary feeling.

I haven't read any of the conversation about this tweet, but it does seem odd if people are taking it as an opportunity to debate if it's a correct feeling or not. I can see people having a different interpretation of this feeling, or having a positive spin on it (like maybe, the premise of a fixed personality is flawed, or that being able to adapt to situations is a good characteristic) but only Dan really knows what he fully meant by it.

In general, my main reaction to his self-deprecation is to hope that at some point his humor develops beyond it, only because I think continual self-deprecation is corrosive to the self. I think sometimes of the podcast Mental Illness Happy Hour, hosted by a comedian much older than Dan, who has touched on how making a career out of making fun of yourself can backfire.

[bevioletsky]

I think it’s probably not so much disagreement over this being his experience or how he feels, or saying that him having these feelings is wrong, rather than a more fundamental disagreement with him on what a personality/the concept of ~the self/whatever is and/or how it fuctions. It’s the same thing he briefly talked about in the mukbang, about feeling like he doesn’t have a personality – he can feel or even actually think that’s the case, but he still wouldn’t necessarily be right about not having one, if that makes sense? Like, you can think he’s right, but I also actually don’t think disagreeing with him has to mean not respecting his experience.

Which is where I’m at, kind of. I get where he’s coming from but I’m not sure I agree? I have conflicted feelings I can’t even begin to unpack rn. But I can imagine that if you can’t relate at all to his pov, the ‘what, no, this isn’t it’-kind of reaction would be even easier to have.

[alittledizzy]

I think it’s probably not so much disagreement over this being his experience or how he feels, or saying that him having these feelings is wrong, rather than a more fundamental disagreement with him on what a personality/the concept of ~the self/whatever is and/or how it fuctions. It’s the same thing he briefly talked about in the mukbang, about feeling like he doesn’t have a personality – he can feel or even actually think that’s the case, but he still wouldn’t necessarily be right about not having one, if that makes sense? Like, you can think he’s right, but I also actually don’t think disagreeing with him has to mean not respecting his experience.

Which is where I’m at, kind of. I get where he’s coming from but I’m not sure I agree? I have conflicted feelings I can’t even begin to unpack rn. But I can imagine that if you can’t relate at all to his pov, the ‘what, no, this isn’t it’-kind of reaction would be even easier to have.

Yeah I think it's definitely that. I don't think anyone is saying flat out 'Dan is wrong' but more wrong in the sense of, their personal opinion or interpretation clashing about it. Basically what you said.

[Megancita75]

Now I feel like I want to hear a psychologist or philosopher answer the "what is personality?" question

[flarequake]

This is definitely a time when I’d gladly have a chat with him over a hug and a mug of hot chocolate. I’ve often wondered if his self-deprecation is all that good cos brains are stupid and need to be told good things, they spew out so many lies if we’re not careful and they take time and effort to re-wire. I’m just not sure our brains know when we’re joking.