Dan & Phil Part 96: AmazingPhil (and his cameraman)

[kavat]

@2:54 Tyler talks briefly about DnP and I love it. nothing we didn't already assume imho:

People have been speculating that Phil told Tyler in that outro bit from The Newlyfriend Game, but I guess that debunks that.

[rizzo]

I'm not shocked, but it's also interesting after discussions in the past about who of their friends/acquaintances knew about deppy. I think this prob confirms that they kept the circle of people knowing very small (not that they are super close to tyler, but if they didn't tell him then they prob only told very close friends)

I've come to the assumption - given Dan's family didn't know - that they basically didn't tell anyone. Outside of Phil's family, maybe Ian, Bryony, & Wirrow at best. And presumably everyone else was guessing from afar or had maybe caught a drunk antic or 2.

It's honestly fascinating to realize how much my POV on that has changed since BIG. I was really certain at one point that a large number of people were keeping it quiet Hannah-Montana-movie style. (Weird reference, but whatever.) Judging former me tbh.

[firsttimeposter]

Was also coming on here to write about Tyler’s video - other than giving me nostalgic and lovely vibes w every watch of his videos, this one also gave me a lot of, idek, ‘closure’. I feel like no rational person actually though tyler and troye dated but it’s soo weird seeing tyler talk about it in 2020 lmao. Also Alfie and Zoe... feel like they wouldn’t really click w tyler anymore hah.

Anyway, his comment on dnp makes a lot of sense, but I feel like it also shows how they still look at us viewers - maybe still as those ‘crazy shippers’ a lot of us were back then. Kinda weird to see. But I definitely makes sense that no one knew about dnp’s sexualities, given that dan was very ambiguous to himself about his sexuality.

[greenergrass]

I'm not shocked, but it's also interesting after discussions in the past about who of their friends/acquaintances knew about deppy. I think this prob confirms that they kept the circle of people knowing very small (not that they are super close to tyler, but if they didn't tell him then they prob only told very close friends)

I've come to the assumption - given Dan's family didn't know - that they basically didn't tell anyone. Outside of Phil's family, maybe Ian, Bryony, & Wirrow at best. And presumably everyone else was guessing from afar or had maybe caught a drunk antic or 2.

It's honestly fascinating to realize how much my POV on that has changed since BIG. I was really certain at one point that a large number of people were keeping it quiet Hannah-Montana-movie style. (Weird reference, but whatever.) Judging former me tbh.

Lmao yeah I know what you mean. I also had similar assumptions pre- and post- BIG, so Tyler's comments weren't surprising at all, but I think just further confirmation for people that may have still been thinking that more people knew. (and by 'very close friends' in my first reply I essentially meant the people you mentioned since I don't think many people fall into that category for them lol)

[pearshaped34]

I feel like a lot of people who knew then when they first met each other like Byrony, PJ and Chris knew because from their online behavior they were clearly just open about it back then. I can't imagine that they were being coy or denying it to everyone they met in person but then going home to publicly tweet gushy stuff at each other and/or talk about lube or blow jobs on their formsprings (that one might just have been Dan).

I think there was a window where Dan thought that his online/youtube life could live in a bubble that didn't touch the rest of his life and he only went back into the closet in that circle when they were getting bigger and being out in that circle meant being out in "real" life too.

As a result of this I kind of think it's entirely possible a lot of people would have had it second hand "confirmed" from people who knew them then but I agree with other I don't think Deppy were open with anyone who met them after that period, so I think the majority of the youtube scene they were friendly with didn't know for sure.

[Secretstanner]

Cute mention. And I mean.. Did anyone actually think that was the thing phil told him in the video? I see it pop up sometimes and it never made sense. I never thought people like Tyler or Louise knew. I still don’t think Cat knew tbh. But I always assumed the boys parents new. I still wonder if Phil parents ever asked in the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if the words “were together” have never left their lips even with close friends.

[inanerat]

Wait are we back on moving hill? did I miss something?

Thank you for linking to Tyler's video, I haven't watched him in quite a while but iirc he was my first exposure to deppy, so that's a fun little full circle moment. And I knew he'd changed his look but the mustache and thin-rimmed glasses threw me off, damn. Not in a bad way, just in a different way. I also really liked it and it felt... refreshing? Staying light but also real, talking about change and accountability as a creator, touching on numbers, relationships, like. yes. It's true, he does throw some shade at people for being overly pressuring to them about their sexualities/relationship and it's a shame that that's still a lasting impression to many people of the fandom, but it was also a big thing and it is deserving of being part of the conversation mentioned.

And yeah, while people have always joked about Tyler and Phil's exchange in the Newlyfriend game being Phil coming out, given how private they were, even with people who were friends it seems like it was probably more of a career-related or something that Phil just didn't want to share that surprised Tyler. (I think of Phil's vet work experience story with Tom and Hazel, like that kind of thing that you wouldn't normally expect from Phil)

It's interesting and kind of sad in a way to know that they were so tight about their outness, while completely understandable. I agree with pearshaped. I can't imagine many friends were super surprised, and they may have, like me, always assumed that they probably weren't straight but it clearly wasn't something they wanted to talk about/ make content about and that was fine and it was none of their business. And I doubt people ever asked 'cause like, that would be pretty rude and invasive, especially in person. Like unless you're really close to someone and worried about them (even then it's a careful situation), asking them to come out to you or talk about their relationship(s) that would imply them coming out is pretty disrespectful and not something most people would do.

Lastly, scratch everything I said earlier about Phil doing future gameshow/host-y things, he is clearly pursuing his lifelong dream of being a foot and carpet model with Dan's full encouragement. lmao

[casualsun]

I never really thought that dnp were out to youtubers like Tyler, but it’s also still kind of surprising to me to hear him confirm that. I can’t imagine what kind of toll it takes on someone to always keep themselves and their relationship so guarded, even around friends. I think they were only out to Bryony, Wirrow, Phil’s family, and maybe one or two other people. I’m sure a lot of the early Youtuber crew knew by proxy, though. I agree with @pearshaped34 who said that Dan thought the Internet could exist separate from his real life early on.

I also find it interesting how Tyler said that he was “waiting for them to tell me, but they never did.” Implying that he strongly suspected, but never actually knew. I think most Youtubers probably “knew” but nobody had actually been told by Dan or Phil.

[Phantasy]

I never really thought that dnp were out to youtubers like Tyler, but it’s also still kind of surprising to me to hear him confirm that. I can’t imagine what kind of toll it takes on someone to always keep themselves and their relationship so guarded, even around friends. I think they were only out to Bryony, Wirrow, Phil’s family, and maybe one or two other people. I’m sure a lot of the early Youtuber crew knew by proxy, though. I agree with @pearshaped34 who said that Dan thought the Internet could exist separate from his real life early on.

I also find it interesting how Tyler said that he was “waiting for them to tell me, but they never did.” Implying that he strongly suspected, but never actually knew. I think most Youtubers probably “knew” but nobody had actually been told by Dan or Phil.

Well, thank goodness they at least could be open with SOMEONE, and I really hope that’s the case with Bryony and Wirrow, but that such a small trust circle. Especially for Dan... look, no relationship is perfect, you live with someone long enough and there cloud be all the love in the world, but that won’t stop you from one day yelling at your partner like a crazy person because you suddenly can’t stand the way they brush their teeth (you get the point). Would or could Dan even text or talk to all those years when he needed to vent or sort things out—did he just bottle it up?

I’m actually a bit surprised that Tyler didn’t outright ask—Tyler is a day one Tumblr user and D&P fanboy, wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been down the phannie rabbit hole and knew the full shipping history, v-day and all—and to get that close to the inner circle and not let curiosity overwhelm “propriety”, like good on him—that’s some serious will power.

No one’s mentioned poor, Kat... any chance she was ever really “in the know”?

[Susanisnotafish]

I very much hope that they were out to Bryony and Wirrow at least. I assumed they were and that they were able to fully enjoy their couples’ holidays together. How sad if they weren’t and all the more isolated they would have been. I assume they were out to Martin and Cornelia. Wonder if we’ll ever know for sure. It is nice to know for sure that Tyler didn’t know. I slightly wonder if they told Anthony bc I feel like they are closer to him than Tyler, but I highly doubt they would take the chance.

[Amiaw]

Tyler makes a good point about privacy but in regards to knowing about dnp I don't think this really changes anything in regards to who they were out to. Dan and Phil have friends we don't know about and of course they have the close friends they've shown us but the reason they've been so successful keeping their lives private is because they didn't just let anyone in.

[glitterintheair]

I think that people like Bryony and Wirrow can’t be put in the same circle of friends like Tyler or Louise or even Anthony. Yes, dnp are friends with those peers from YouTube but they don’t hang out on daily basis with them, so it doesn’t surprise me that those people didn’t know. Why would they? Dnp are probably the most private people on YouTube, it would’ve actually shocked me if they had told anyone they were friendly with “oh we are gay by the way” because it’s something that they always wanted to protect from prying eyes. If I were in their shoes i wouldn’t felt safe to tell such a thing to youtubers. Not that I think the people I mentioned above would’ve shared that confession to the world but you know.. better safe than sorry. I mean, Dan wasn’t even out to his family, there’s no way they would’ve gone around to tell people about their sexuality unless they were very close to them. I genuinely believe that the only friends that knew were Wirrony and Ian and Lauren. And probably PJ.

[kavat]

Another small dnp anecdote at 27:30 here:



Honestly, every anecdote another youtuber tells about them just makes them sound like the chillest, kindest people ever. I don't know if we've ever heard that story from dnp but it would be fun to know if they actually didn't care.

[rizzo]

Another small dnp anecdote at 27:30 here:

Honestly, every anecdote another youtuber tells about them just makes them sound like the chillest, kindest people ever. I don't know if we've ever heard that story from dnp but it would be fun to know if they actually didn't care.

Now I really want to figure out which award it was.

Come to think of it... have we seen their Radio 1 award in the current flat? Didn't seem that fragile, but..

[lefthandedism]

Another small dnp anecdote at 27:30 here:

Honestly, every anecdote another youtuber tells about them just makes them sound like the chillest, kindest people ever. I don't know if we've ever heard that story from dnp but it would be fun to know if they actually didn't care.

Tom had mentioned this at the time (March 2016) in the outtakes for Rejects, the video in question (he thanks Deppy around 2:43):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGBanqGBJ_I

Both videos are very funny and I often watch the pair when I need a laugh.

[casualsun]

I think that people like Bryony and Wirrow can’t be put in the same circle of friends like Tyler or Louise or even Anthony. Yes, dnp are friends with those peers from YouTube but they don’t hang out on daily basis with them, so it doesn’t surprise me that those people didn’t know. Why would they? Dnp are probably the most private people on YouTube, it would’ve actually shocked me if they had told anyone they were friendly with “oh we are gay by the way” because it’s something that they always wanted to protect from prying eyes. If I were in their shoes i wouldn’t felt safe to tell such a thing to youtubers. Not that I think the people I mentioned above would’ve shared that confession to the world but you know.. better safe than sorry. I mean, Dan wasn’t even out to his family, there’s no way they would’ve gone around to tell people about their sexuality unless they were very close to them. I genuinely believe that the only friends that knew were Wirrony and Ian and Lauren. And probably PJ.

I’m honestly still kind of shocked that Dan wasn’t out to his family until last year. Back in ‘11-‘13 when Dan was trying very hard to seem straight I wouldn’t have been surprised — I always thought that part of his behavior was due to the fact that his family didn’t know. However, Dan had been pretty openly expressing attraction to males for a few years before BIG, and I took it as a given that his family knew.

Based on what Phil said in COTY, it sounds like his family found out in 2009 (probably because Dan kept visiting). It seems like he didn’t really “come out” per se but instead they asked him about it or just assumed after a while. So I’m pretty sure Phil’s family has known about Phil’s sexuality + the nature of Dan and Phil’s relationship for a very long time. I’m glad they had at least some people they could be open around.

That being said, given Dan wasn’t even out to his family, I guess it’s not surprising that he wasn’t out to random Youtubers. I still wonder the extent to which they kept it a secret, though. I agree that they were probably only out to their closest friends, but I wonder about professionally. I’m guessing their manager had to know but I’m not really sure if anyone else did. Did people on their tour crew know? Did Radio 1? Or was it really a complete secret?

[kavat]

Tom had mentioned this at the time (March 2016) in the outtakes for Rejects, the video in question (he thanks Deppy around 2:43):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGBanqGBJ_I

Both videos are very funny and I often watch the pair when I need a laugh.

Same. "Mister Dan Howell who as far as I'm aware is still not on fire and also that bloke from the confused.com advert in 2009" is still the best description of them.

[rizzo]

So, I'm sure you've all received this email, but I haven't seen talk of it. I ordered one of those ocean masks of Phil's and the confirmation email that came yesterday was super interesting! It linked to this page tracking my contribution to ocean plastic cleanup:

I absolutely LOVE Phil for this really cool partnership! I wonder if there are other applications for this to see how donation funds are used? Like, could Dan sell products for Mental Health charities and then this could track where funds are being distributed?

I just really love how forward thinking they are in this capacity and how Phil's always genuinely trying new things.

[alittledizzy]

okay but i this actually made me laugh

[lefthandedism]

I’m honestly still kind of shocked that Dan wasn’t out to his family until last year. Back in ‘11-‘13 when Dan was trying very hard to seem straight I wouldn’t have been surprised — I always thought that part of his behavior was due to the fact that his family didn’t know. However, Dan had been pretty openly expressing attraction to males for a few years before BIG, and I took it as a given that his family knew.

Based on what Phil said in COTY, it sounds like his family found out in 2009 (probably because Dan kept visiting). It seems like he didn’t really “come out” per se but instead they asked him about it or just assumed after a while. So I’m pretty sure Phil’s family has known about Phil’s sexuality + the nature of Dan and Phil’s relationship for a very long time. I’m glad they had at least some people they could be open around.

I think....that Dan's family knew in the same way that Phil's family knew. I think that different family dynamics, different personal perspectives, and different ways of talking about it make Dan's and Phil's stories sound more different than they are.

I think it makes sense that Phil has been more open with (and closer to) his family than Dan with his own family. And I'm sure at some point along the line Phil "confirmed" what his family knew. My take is that Dan, who keeps his family much more at a distance, didn't feel the need to come out to them officially until BIG was imminent. I cannot believe that anyone in his family, at least the ones who responded to his email (presumably his mum, Grandma/Granddad, and Adrian) were either surprised or shocked.

We didn't get an actual screenshot of Dan's email. "Basically I'm gay" always feels like half a sentence to me. I think the other half was "and Phil is my partner." To his family, I don't see how it could possibly not make sense to say both parts, otherwise he'd find himself flatly denying his relationship with Phil--because how could they not ask?

[inanerat]

Based on what Phil said in COTY, it sounds like his family found out in 2009 (probably because Dan kept visiting). It seems like he didn’t really “come out” per se but instead they asked him about it or just assumed after a while. So I’m pretty sure Phil’s family has known about Phil’s sexuality + the nature of Dan and Phil’s relationship for a very long time. I’m glad they had at least some people they could be open around.

That being said, given Dan wasn’t even out to his family, I guess it’s not surprising that he wasn’t out to random Youtubers. I still wonder the extent to which they kept it a secret, though. I agree that they were probably only out to their closest friends, but I wonder about professionally. I’m guessing their manager had to know but I’m not really sure if anyone else did. Did people on their tour crew know? Did Radio 1? Or was it really a complete secret?

From Phil's comment about his parents in COTY I've always figured, whether the initial coming out was because of Dan or someone else slightly earlier, there was probably something along the lines of 'so, this lad from across the country that you keep having 'round for multiple days at a time and stay up late talking to on the phone most nights, you just friends or is there anything we should know?' type conversation. Makes me laugh. Dan's closeness with the Lester family and how he spent lots of holiday time and so forth with them always makes me emotional. Like I'm, so, so glad he had that in his life.

The conversation about youtube friends and outness also made me think back to when they went to that youtuber convention in spain in 2017. It always made me happy to hear Dan talk about how much of a good time they had with Greg and Mitch of ASAP Science and I've always wondered they were out to them. They may not have been, even though over other people I could imagine them feeling more comfortable since Greg and Mitch have a lot of similarities to them as gay nerds who have been together a long time and also have grown a big youtube/internet following together. Whether or not they were explicitly out to them, it has always made me happy that they were able to connect and spend time together because, technically out or not, I feel like they have very similar vibes in a lot of ways as people.

-This is a short and sweet video that is funny but also serious and covers a lot of ground talking about their being together, homophobia on the internet, etc. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWOUI2c ... egandMitch
-This conversation between them about queerness, experiences with internalized homophobia, being together, evolving love remains something that I love. Made me cry watching the first time. The part about not being able to/feeling unsafe expressing PDA and how it's hurt their intimacy even alone really hits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_vYA3z ... egandMitch
-This video is just a search history video similar to Phil's but it's funny and gives me major deppy vibes both in the lighthearted teasing and the amount of trust underlying it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvFt5aHLGHQ

Also, Mitch competed on Big Brother Canada and while I can't remember the exact quote, I remember him saying something like Greg is his 'partner in business and in life' and if that doesn't give off deppy vibes idk what fucking does.

[bluecaterpillar]

Another small dnp anecdote at 27:30 here:

Honestly, every anecdote another youtuber tells about them just makes them sound like the chillest, kindest people ever. I don't know if we've ever heard that story from dnp but it would be fun to know if they actually didn't care.

Now I really want to figure out which award it was.

Come to think of it... have we seen their Radio 1 award in the current flat? Didn't seem that fragile, but..

if you mean the green circular one, it's visible in phil's plant tour, next to a bonsai

re: who knew, i think non-youtube friends knew and youtube ones didn't (beyond maybe their own guesswork). i'm counting bryony and pj (and by extension wirrow and sophie) as non-youtube friends even though they are/were involved in youtube, since most of the time they spend together isn't for youtube-related purposes.

[Megancita75]

inanerat, thanks for posting those Mitch and Greg videos. I really enjoyed hearing them talk about their experiences. So now I'm curious when Dan talked about meeting them. Was it in a live show?

[tipofmemory]

inanerat, thanks for posting those Mitch and Greg videos. I really enjoyed hearing them talk about their experiences. So now I'm curious when Dan talked about meeting them. Was it in a live show?

Yep, in a liveshow! I was rewatching random liveshows last night so that's how I know . He starts talking about Greg and Mitch at around 24:14

[inanerat]

Also a very brief Greg and Mitch mention in this liveshow at around 6:00. Basically a recap of the other liveshow. But if you're having a bad day I reccomend watching for 2 more minutes for some domestic answering the door and tinsel-wrapping content.


Also just putting it out into the universe that today is a full month since the last AP upload and I am not just parched because of the smoke here, I am thirsty for content.