Dan & Phil Part 97: Arch enemies and Husbands

Our two favourite full time internet nerds who never go outside!
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alittledizzy
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Some nice in character new year greetings from Daniel and his husband, Philip:
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bdsmlester wrote: Thu Dec 31, 2020 8:19 am so do we think they're married yet
Well, 2022 is just one year away!

I have wondered though if they have filed for civil/domestic relationship, or maybe up until now have never felt the need but once they own property together than maybe?

Anywho... happy new year, all!
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alittledizzy
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Phil retweeted Dan's more genuine tweet from last night and I'm emotional over it. I'm just emotional over them in general. I don't know what kind of magic they have that makes it so they could turn what was potentially a frustration/distressing week in my life into something extremely lovely just by virtue of letting us in a little bit. I don't feel owed more, I don't expect some major shift, but I'm just glad for them sharing a little of their happiness in a way that brightens my day.

And I'm also grateful for all of you that are on here to discuss it with. I love this forum, I love you people. I love the discussions we have, even when they're slightly more heated, even when we're frustrated with each other. There's no place in phandom that I feel as comfortable and I just want to thank you all for it. Okay, sappiness over.
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Seconding everything alittledizzy said - I love y'all so much!!

I've also been thinking a lot about the Stereo show. Like -- I can't quite get over it? I've listened to in full (give or take the echo-y bits) maybe 4 times now. Plus some of the more interesting parts a few extra times. It was just so.... comfortable. They were so comfortable.

It definitely feels like a new phase and I think that's because it is and they've purposely made it that way? Like, they needed the year (and a half) of them just being out and for that information to breathe and for them to be out publicly and individually. They clearly didn't want their coming out to immediately be tied in with their relationship.

And now that they've had that time, they can finally say things that leave no room for doubt. They bought a house. They've been working on it for 3 years. Phil took that 'sexy' picture. (Which like truly -- we haven't talked enough about how significant him just openly talking about that was. I keep wondering how that whole thing happened. Keep making myself amused at the concept of Phil probs just being like "Ok, yeah. I guess that's what we're doing for the next 2 hours.") They want a dog. Phil brings Dan tea while he works. Dan likes Phil's fashion sense as it is. And it's just... all laid out right there. Real words in our real ears that they said so readily.

Like - one tiny step at a time, they've opened up to us and there's not a lick of press around it, because each step was small and at their pace and just... They're themselves now!!! In front of us!!!

Anyway. I'll go be an emotional wreck to myself now. Happy Post-Stereo New Year!
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Happy New Year, all :) :newyear:

I’m going to echo the general feeling of disbelief that the Stereo show actually happened … I didn’t even think Dan would be one of the guests to begin with, let alone *that*. I think it feels so surreal because it was sort of one of those things I *dreamed* of happening - that they’d be happy to sit down and have a chat together, with us, like the mukbang but 2020 PCOU edition, and catch us up with what’s been happening (and have those happenings be such wonderful news)… I just didn’t expect that to actually happen! We might know things, but us knowing things and them actually *telling* us about those things feels SO different, and so much better.

In the past I’ve talked quite a lot on here about my frustrations with their lack of communication and how up-in-the-air everything was … I just expected it was just going to be one of those things I had to live with and get used to, I *fully* did not expect them to ever actually talk about it, or at least not so directly. And I totally agree with everyone saying how comfortable it was; it was just a joy to listen to (and I keep getting these little thrills of excitement when I remember there’s still the video to come!!) and it really sort of felt like drawing a line under these last 2 years - in a good way. Like, the end to the uncertainty and confusion I know some of us felt. I loved the mukbang but this had an even nicer feel; it felt more happy and settled and just - a really lovely vibe. :curlsandquiff:

And I kept steeling myself for announcements of things ending or whatever, but for once they didn’t come, it was about hope and excitement for the future, and lots of possibilities of things to come, both solo *and* together, and they’re excited for it all! I especially loved that Dan doesn’t seem to be in that place where he’s trying to shirk off/is ashamed of his ‘cringe’ past or whatever; he sounded so proud of TABINOF and TATINOF (as he should be) and the gaming channel and all the things they did, and it didn’t feel like - as we’d theorised on here before - that he’d moved on from that sort of content to become a Serious Author or whatever, more that it was just about, like. Time and project management? (His mentions of the possibilities for the future, oh my word, be still my heart.)

So yeah, wow, that one show managed to completely change how I’ve been feeling about everything phandom-wise; and what good timing coming right at the end of the year! Happy new year indeed, to us and them. :rainbowtears:
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alittledizzy
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Hmmm looks like Dan did a lil thing.
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alittledizzy wrote: Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:15 pm Hmmm looks like Dan did a lil thing.

I think addressing it like this is such a smart way to do it.
By doing so and putting the disclaimer he has acknowledged that it's problematic and he understands, has rectified the issue, and allowed everything to move on.
People in the replies are complaining that he hasn't addressed old tweets etc etc and honestly I think changing content that could still be watched and is still relevant is all that needs doing. Who aside from people looking for receipts are coming tweets from 2012 and being offended by them? Those of us that were there in 2012 were also part of the culture of using language that we know in 2021 isn't acceptable.
Idk, I just don't get how some big dramatic apology which would draw more attention to the problematic behaviour would benefit anyone, it's just likely to cause more upset?
I think this is a responsible and drama free way to rectify and move on.
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:newyear: Happier New Year IDB friends :newyear:

I said I'd be back when I had processed the Stereo joint liveshow but I still haven't. It's just too much. Too much joy. The way I embarrassingly cried two years ago during that last joint liveshow and now there was nothing but smiles and incoherent screaming. What a glorious experience.

Maybe when the video version gets here my brain will catch up. Either that or I'll die on the spot.

I like the way Dan corrected that video title, it's effective without making A Big Deal out of it and that's just how I prefer people with platforms correcting things in their past. I see some people on Twitter aren't satisfied though :shrug:
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Isn’t this the person who got a meeting for their child with Dan and Phil because they were such a fan and in London?

https://www.today.com/today/amp/tdna204896
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Susanisnotafish wrote: Fri Jan 01, 2021 10:42 pm Isn’t this the person who got a meeting for their child with Dan and Phil because they were such a fan and in London?

https://www.today.com/today/amp/tdna204896
yeah, and they’re also a big fan of harry styles/ 1d I think - it’s pretty cool to see a mainstream celebrity like busy raising her children to be exactly who they want to be, and embracing their interests like she what’s with birdie.
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alittledizzy
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omg the dan-and-phil-adjacent youtuber baby boom continues!
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Honestly I think Dan's choices around that video are a good one. It's a convenient and easy change since he actually doesn't use the term/ use much problematic language in the video, it's really just the title which is an easy change without him having to take the video down. I also appreciate it because it is a term that my brain likes to use negatively against myself and I'm not a fan of seeing it but that video is also really important to me personally as someone with (sometimes very dark/ 'bad') intrusive thoughts because I find it so relatable and it's one of the first (and only) times I've seen someone talk about the phenomenon of self-traumatizing yourself in that way and then just sitting there like ........ and it is so fucking relatable.

Also a thought that came to me recently... Dan originally expressed plans to do (what we assume to be at least) his coming out video in mid-2018 instead of 2019 right? I really wonder how much/if at all some of his coming out plans were tied to their moving in to forever home plans. Not even really on a public view of dnp's relationship way but the family side?? Like I wonder if he had any specific intentions to come out to his family before they moved. He wouldn't have to obviously but it would definitely be something that might raise more questions from family members. Just two dudes being bros who have been living together for 8 years buying and designing their dream home to live together in for the foreseeable future. Totally not gay though. I wonder if their moving plans being postponed took any pressure off to come out to family, which seemed like a bigger hurdle for him that needed to happen before he made a video about it (At least that's how I interpret it, that while definitely hard he was more ready to be out to the internet and his family was really what was holding him back) and that caused him to take more time with it.

Like it's hard to really have any kind of idea how much his family was really surprised by his coming out or not, for us and people who watched many of his (and Phil's) videos them not being straight is really not a surprising thing but I really don't know how much insight any of his family had to any of that. (Also one of the things that really fuKiNG hurts me, is that if his family was fairly surprised by his coming out, how MUCH he must have downplayed his and Phil's relationship and how much Phil meant to him when spending time with them. Ouchie) But it seems like if they didn't have any sort of idea before, moving into a forever home might have raised some serious eyebrows.

I recently sent a coming out email to extended family and it had me thinking about it a lot. (Also Dan jokes about coming out via email but how tf else is an anxious queer supposed to do it like??) But a response from a family member included the sentence 'I wasn't terribly surprised by your revelation' and I was like lmaoooo sometimes we really think we're being low key when we have people in our lives that just don't bring it up but,, they've gotten the hints. I just wonder how it was for Dan since the Dan we know and who he is with his family is/was so different.

Edit: ok I feel like dnp must be getting major baby/kid fever with all these babies among friends and family.
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alittledizzy
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I love the Busy Phillips article! I love her going back ages and finding out she's a good human who supports her queer kid makes me very happy.

Soooo today is supposed to be jigsaw puzzle day for Phil and anyone that bought his puzzle - as per an ig story a while back. Do we think he's waiting until a more American friendly timezone, or he just.... forgot?
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glitterintheair wrote: Thu Dec 31, 2020 12:55 pm
inanerat wrote: Thu Dec 31, 2020 12:41 am I feel like I still don't know how to fully explain like,, how I feel after yesterday and really the first big post-coming out era joint content and everything but I said this to a friend and thought I should share here:
'yes like it's such a subtle difference but I feel like there's a level of sincere tenderness between the bants that we weren't allowed to see before.'
I feel the exact same way and it reminded a bit of the Interactive Introverts Commentary where they sounded way more relaxed and sincere which is something I had never actually heard from them ever, not even in the Mukbang, which yeah... lacked more of their personas but I also sensed some kind of nervousness from both of them there. I wonder if not having a camera pointed at them helps them in a way, maybe it allows them to not hold back too much? Like, I know that they recorded the Stereo ls on camera too, but it's not quite the same as making a proper video/liveshow. Idk, i just find interesting that the times where I thought "wow, they're really sounding different here" are the times where they were on audio only. And now more than ever I am sure that they would be great to listen to on a podcast. I am also aware the possibilities of it becoming a reality are low, but damn, they have this capacity of being entertaining and they bounce off each other so well that I hope they will consider it, at least.
Happy belated New Year, IDB peeps! :newyear: I really wanted to use that emoji sorry.

I actually wanted to ask about 2 things:

1. Does anyone know where I can find the audio for the II commentary? Or a way to download it from the DVD? Because I own the thing and I used to listen to it when I went to sleep (because I found the audio on YT) but they took it down and now that I'm feeling soft about dnp again I want it. Specially after reading that above, cause I 100% agree.

2. Idk if someone's talked about this before but has anyone wondered about Dan's acknowledgments page in this book? I've already thought about this a lot because I can't say I've finished any book until the acknowledgments have been read. And I really want to know a. if he's doing it and b. if Mr. Amazing will be given some jokey credit like "thanks for making me all those cups of tea and reading the first draft" or if we might get a full on "thanks for being my fRiEnD and being there for me when I needed someone" or whatever.

3. I love Phil and I expect nothing ever but watching him to the puzzle gave me anxiety cause I need that videooooo ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

And I haven't had the chance to say it yet but I'm IN LOVE with the new look of the forum. It's so aesthetically pleasing I love it
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snoopysadie wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 12:03 am 2. Idk if someone's talked about this before but has anyone wondered about Dan's acknowledgments page in this book? I've already thought about this a lot because I can't say I've finished any book until the acknowledgments have been read. And I really want to know a. if he's doing it and b. if Mr. Amazing will be given some jokey credit like "thanks for making me all those cups of tea and reading the first draft" or if we might get a full on "thanks for being my fRiEnD and being there for me when I needed someone" or whatever.
or maybe he'll pull a ronan farrow and propose to his boyfriend in the book. (Which then becomes a whole story for the book as an aside because boyfriend reads proposal in the draft version and accepts, of course.)
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oriharakaoru wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 4:29 am
snoopysadie wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 12:03 am 2. Idk if someone's talked about this before but has anyone wondered about Dan's acknowledgments page in this book? I've already thought about this a lot because I can't say I've finished any book until the acknowledgments have been read. And I really want to know a. if he's doing it and b. if Mr. Amazing will be given some jokey credit like "thanks for making me all those cups of tea and reading the first draft" or if we might get a full on "thanks for being my fRiEnD and being there for me when I needed someone" or whatever.
or maybe he'll pull a ronan farrow and propose to his boyfriend in the book. (Which then becomes a whole story for the book as an aside because boyfriend reads proposal in the draft version and accepts, of course.)
okay but if we get a running commentary from phil like jon in catch & kill I would actually buy the book instead of relying on other people talking about it.

I know it won't happen but I can dream, can't I :lol:
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so, you know how on tumblr there are those blogs called "heritageposts" and "mosticonicposts" where they reblog the most iconic and cursed posts made on tumblr through the years? well, someone made a similar one called phandomheritage, and they're collecting all the old posts made on phannietumblr back in the day. As someone who joined the community in 2016, i gotta say i am living for it (and also laughing... and cringing).
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glitterintheair wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 12:50 pm so, you know how on tumblr there are those blogs called "heritageposts" and "mosticonicposts" where they reblog the most iconic and cursed posts made on tumblr through the years? well, someone made a similar one called phandomheritage, and they're collecting all the old posts made on phannietumblr back in the day. As someone who joined the community in 2016, i gotta say i am living for it (and also laughing... and cringing).
Thank you for linking this lmaooo. As someone who was on tumblr a lot during that era but not in the phandom (although aware of the phandom's existence because it was impossible not to be) and I'm not really on tumblr anymore, it is an emotional rollercoaster of both nostalgia and learning. Great way to spend a morning although I would like to immediately scrub some of those posts from my memory.
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you guys i'm crying when is phil going to upload the stereo video lmaooooo
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madytastic wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:13 pm you guys i'm crying when is phil going to upload the stereo video lmaooooo
I've woken up every morning since half-expecting it to be uploaded, I'm desperate for some DnP chatting on camera. Please Phil, for my sanity, tomorrow please please please :stan:

My puzzle was delivered today and I'm in two minds about it. I LOVE puzzles, I have a pretty substantial collection of nerdy anime ones, but unfortunately this one fits in the category of 'most pieces can fit with any other'. I'm focusing on the bottom half at the moment since it has most of the design and I'm dreading the sky. I've already had an issue with the bottom border putting two pieces on the exact opposite side to where they belong because they fit perfectly in the wrong spot and the design isn't distinct enough to make it obvious visually. I love the idea and would be super into him making another but maybe not this company? Anyone else tried the puzzle and noticed this? I'll admit a couple of glasses of wine have gone along with it but that's one of my prerequisites of puzzle assembly :lol:
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Hi! I have been reading you for a couple of days now; didn't know this forum existed :stan:

I was wondering what are your opinions on Dan saying

I want some attention. I want some horniness in the dms. full ass - dan ass reveal
when talking about this Attitude cover shoot. This is another subtle hint to him being single, as in the coming out video. I feel like he does not want to lie to us anymore (as he used to do in the closet) and this is his way of being truthful without openly crushing anyone's dream (yet). And yes, they are buying a house together, but it is not thaaaaaaaat uncommon for friends to buy an house together in London, isn't it.

Secondly, his tone of surprise https://youtu.be/3MvgQmoYCAc?t=2709 confuses me a bit. How can he still be surprise of Phil giving him space to promote something? He sounds genuinely surprised! Or is he simply faking it to make sure that people don't call him out for wanting to promote his book?

If it's fake, I feel it may come an awareness Dan has of how easily the audience will associate this book (the promoting it) to "making money" instead of a simple "product of his creativity/expression", which is sad! The Dan and Phil Go Outside book did seem a bit too much - a bit rushed, even -, but everything else seems to come out from an artistic inspiration/ambition.

What do you think? :snowflake:
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Levitating wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 10:22 am Hi! I have been reading you for a couple of days now; didn't know this forum existed :stan:

I was wondering what are your opinions on Dan saying

I want some attention. I want some horniness in the dms. full ass - dan ass reveal
when talking about this Attitude cover shoot. This is another subtle hint to him being single, as in the coming out video. I feel like he does not want to lie to us anymore (as he used to do in the closet) and this is his way of being truthful without openly crushing anyone's dream (yet). And yes, they are buying a house together, but it is not thaaaaaaaat uncommon for friends to buy an house together in London, isn't it.

Secondly, his tone of surprise https://youtu.be/3MvgQmoYCAc?t=2709 confuses me a bit. How can he still be surprise of Phil giving him space to promote something? He sounds genuinely surprised! Or is he simply faking it to make sure that people don't call him out for wanting to promote his book?

If it's fake, I feel it may come an awareness Dan has of how easily the audience will associate this book (the promoting it) to "making money" instead of a simple "product of his creativity/expression", which is sad! The Dan and Phil Go Outside book did seem a bit too much - a bit rushed, even -, but everything else seems to come out from an artistic inspiration/ambition.

What do you think? :snowflake:
Welcome :)

I know Dan's vague comments can come across as confusing but I think that's by design. I don't take these as hints he is single but rather as a way of DnP taking control of the media narrative around their coming out. If Dan had outright said they were in a long-term relationship, the news articles would have zeroed in on this information rather than focussing on the other 44 minutes of the video in which he made incredibly important points that deserved to be acknowledged without the 'phan is real' commentary.

Also, it may be common for friends to rent a place together but I wouldn't say it's common place to buy a house with a friend, no. I'm personally not aware of anyone who has done this (with exception of shared holiday houses). Especially one you intend to live in together that was designed by you both from the ground up.

Re: the book comments, I imagine the surprise was either sarcastic or he wasn't expecting it yet as the book isn't due out until May. I don't think anyone would call him out on wanting to promoting his book? That's just standard of any youtuber/person in general who publishes a book. And I actually really loved DAPGO! I prefer it to TABINOF by far which was geared towards an audience quite a bit younger than myself. I enjoy going back and looking through the photos of the tour even though the show itself wasn't my speed either, it's a nice reminder of that time :)
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Levitating wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 10:22 am Hi! I have been reading you for a couple of days now; didn't know this forum existed :stan:

I was wondering what are your opinions on Dan saying

I want some attention. I want some horniness in the dms. full ass - dan ass reveal
when talking about this Attitude cover shoot. This is another subtle hint to him being single, as in the coming out video. I feel like he does not want to lie to us anymore (as he used to do in the closet) and this is his way of being truthful without openly crushing anyone's dream (yet). And yes, they are buying a house together, but it is not thaaaaaaaat uncommon for friends to buy an house together in London, isn't it.

Secondly, his tone of surprise https://youtu.be/3MvgQmoYCAc?t=2709 confuses me a bit. How can he still be surprise of Phil giving him space to promote something? He sounds genuinely surprised! Or is he simply faking it to make sure that people don't call him out for wanting to promote his book?

If it's fake, I feel it may come an awareness Dan has of how easily the audience will associate this book (the promoting it) to "making money" instead of a simple "product of his creativity/expression", which is sad! The Dan and Phil Go Outside book did seem a bit too much - a bit rushed, even -, but everything else seems to come out from an artistic inspiration/ambition.

What do you think? :snowflake:
I didn’t think anything of it because it’s Dan joking who literally followed it by saying “I don’t like attention”. You probably won’t find many on here who think they are single but everyone’s allowed their own opinion. I don’t see this as him wanting to be truthful. Like I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship but they ain’t platonic friends. If they were nothing just say it. The coming out videos would of been the perfect “I know you want us to be together but that isn’t what’s going to happen” it’s not like dan was posting at the time with Phil or by himself. For the past year and half and for the first six months of 2019. Not like he was keeping up appearances to keeping making money of “phan”. Phil literally avoided any talk of dan. I don’t really know what to say? Yes friends can buy houses. Yes friends can and do buy houses in London. They are 34 and 30 years old this year. They have money to move out alone and buy a house alone. To their own individual tastes. People can do what they want but I sure as hell ain’t buying and designing a house for 3 years with an ex. Do you commit to stripping a house to its bones, designing it to how you both want it if you could be no longer living with that person after a year or two if you were single? Also don’t know many ex’s who share a bed too but..
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Secretstanner wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 11:17 am Do you commit to stripping a house to its bones, designing it to how you both want it if you could be no longer living with that person after a year or two if you were single?
Yeah, this. I have known of friends who've bought property together, *but* it's usually been apartments or small houses with the understanding that it isn't a permanent home ("this isn't a forever home"), and is usually a way for people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford to buy to get their foot (...feet) on the property ladder.

Planning an entire house out for *years* with someone when you might end up not living there for very long because you might end up living with someone else (which is presumably what you'd want to do if you were single) would be madness, even for millionaires. They can both easily afford to live alone or buy property each if they wanted to; not to mention planning out a house to this level with your ex would be pretty bizarre, no matter how good friends you'd remained.
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