Dan & Phil Part 98: forever home!!1!!!

[hello9217]

On phone so idk how to quote but if they confirm their relationship then they don’t really have this private thing anymore, it is now something for public consumption. You think it would die down after a week but then dan starts doing interviews about his book and people will ask about their relationship. Phil goes to IOM without dan then people wonder if they broke up. Now that their relationship is out in the open people can become more invasive- how do they fuck, how often, which position (a paraphrase of the interview dan did with attitude). It may not sound like a big deal because they do get that now but they only get that from their core group of fans-not the outside public.

Also why can’t they have that semblance of privacy if they want it? After the video that shall not be named got leaked I’m surprised dnp share as much as they do. So many tweets and photos that I’m sure dnp regret sharing were things that were harbored on for years by phans and are still shared to this day. So much of their early relationship is so out there in the open that I’m sure having what they have now be something just for them is probably such a nice change for them. I guess my point is that they gave so much of themselves to the internet in the beginning, whether they wanted to or not, that it’s not shocking that they don’t want to give themselves over to it fully today.

[shan]

It puts them under more scrutiny by the media for anything they do in future, it's not just about the immediate interest. Dan making a thirst comment about mutuals hitting him up in the DMs can easily become a story about how they've broken up and could stir up a lot of drama and/or debate about how their relationship is doing by fans who are maybe a bit younger or don't understand Dan's sense of humour. I would say for the majority of us it isn't fictional, it's pretty obviously real.

I think for me, them confirming their relationship would be exciting because it would show a new level of comfort with the situation and world in general (if that makes sense?). Much like what made BIG so monumental to me wasn't Dan saying he was gay, it was him being comfortable to share that in the first place and taking the incredibly personal step of talking in depth about his history with sexuality. I don't think anyone expected that video and if that's as personal as either of them ever get about their relationship, cool.

It's a totally valid standpoint to not share anything with us. Wasn't there a rumour going around about the state of Safiya's marriage because she didn't release a video for a few months? Tbh, if I was in a similar position I'd be keeping relationships personal too, I don't think respect for their privacy would change either way.

I also don't think anyone stays a phan purely for the confirmation of their relationship/making theories about their personal lives? I first and foremost love the content they make individually and especially the joint content they made. Chatting here and reading through the archives is just a bit of fun. No one can know everything about their personal lives, only what they show or tell us.

[TuxedoSam]

Contrapoints posted a video today, and one throwaway line she had in the very beginning was about how fame is dehumanizing. That line made me think of DnP, and how the antidote to dehumanization -- to feeling like your life is solely a source of entertainment or a product available for endless critique -- is, as Phil said, not opening the door to certain aspects of your life to prevent the dehumanization from happening in the first place.

I agree with everything you wrote but this not, which is weird because it contracdict contratpoints and phil's belief of how to do this, two entertainers who are not in the shoes of the fans and as a fan, i really believe that people dehumanized dnp a long time ago and that today was a very little snap back to reality and i don't know why but i really feel that if they confirmed it we would have a 100% snap to reality. I don't really know how to explain it, but like i said, people think about them, imagine them, read about them, writte about them, draw about them and pretty much made fictional representation of them as a couple which makes me believe them confirming it being a real thing will scare people a lot and make them more uncomfy about imagining them than before. People are way too confortable about their relationship

On phone so idk how to quote but if they confirm their relationship then they don’t really have this private thing anymore, it is now something for public consumption. You think it would die down after a week but then dan starts doing interviews about his book and people will ask about their relationship. Phil goes to IOM without dan then people wonder if they broke up. Now that their relationship is out in the open people can become more invasive- how do they fuck, how often, which position (a paraphrase of the interview dan did with attitude). It may not sound like a big deal because they do get that now but they only get that from their core group of fans-not the outside public.

I think that is EXACTLY what is already going on and already have been going. People already do that ALL the time. And i believe with the confirmation, people won't be as comfy to do it that they are now. I see broke up theories evevery months already, people have been wondering the top of bottom thing for years and wonder about their sex live already too.
about your last sentence, i don't understand how anyone would be interest into shipping a real couple if they never were interest in shipping it when it was a mystery in the first place. And most people that ships real canon couple are never as invasive as people that ships those were nothing is confirmed ? at least i think so ?

It puts them under more scrutiny by the media for anything they do in future, it's not just about the immediate interest. Dan making a thirst comment about mutuals hitting him up in the DMs can easily become a story about how they've broken up and could stir up a lot of drama and/or debate about how their relationship is doing by fans who are maybe a bit younger or don't understand Dan's sense of humour. I would say for the majority of us it isn't fictional, it's pretty obviously real.

i agree with your bit on the media scrutinity. thanks i didn't think about that. (and i agree with everything else i think too)

[madzilla84]

Is it common knowledge that danandphilshop is closing soon?

Nothing’s been officially announced, but that was certainly the vibe I got from something someone (Dan? I think?) said in December about it being the final chance to get items from it. I mean if they don’t have enough stock left to make it worthwhile and are pretty certain they’re not gonna ever make any more joint stuff, then it makes sense, I guess, sad as it is in an end-of-an-era type way. (Also sad for new fans who discover them but as I said if they’ve almost sold out of the stock anyway...)

[shan]

Not sure if there are any drag race fans here but I'm catching up on the first two eps of the new UK season atm and it got me thinking about the makeover challenge in season 10 with the US YouTubers (including Tyler and Anthony) and I now have an actual need to see deppy on the UK version. I'm going to keep my fingers and toes crossed that RPDR do a UK creator challenge, even if it's not this season.

Just throwing this out into the universe in hopes it'll manifest itself into existence

[kavat]

I love videos like this because it always sparks a lot of interesting conversations.

Explicitly confirming their relationship would open up a whole new can of worms. The argument that people would stop caring after the excitement is gone doesn't really hold up. Look at any other confirmed couple, as soon as they are not seen together for longer than usual or one makes a snarky remarks, the breakup rumors start. People want to know when/if they're having kids, getting a pet, getting married etc. We even saw it after deppy's last move, the moving theories started like two months after they moved in just because Dan gave the tiny nugget of "this is not a forever home".

People tend to lack a sort of object permanence, which makes them insecure that something is true if they can't have it confirmed on a regular basis (we often see this with people doubting they are together because they haven't interacted in a month, completely ignoring 12 years of history), and that would put even more pressure on their relationship than there is today.

I also can't help but think of the scene in Notting Hill when Julia Roberts explains that nothing ever goes away, yesterday's papers might be in the bin but everything you do will always get dragged up again as soon as someone finds relevance in them. A conformation would not just remove the mystery, it would pop up again and again every time someone talks about them (be it media, other youtubers, drama channels etc).

I found the answer about SMG interesting, and there is definitely a parallell there to all the lesbians who have expressed comphet feelings towards Phil. I just thought that was funny.

And just. Ugh. He felt so mature in this video. If someone would have told 2013 Phil that he would post a casual Q&A mentioning jockstraps, onlyfans, drinking wine and saying fuck, I think he would pass out lmao

[Amiaw]

And just. Ugh. He felt so mature in this video. If someone would have told 2013 Phil that he would post a casual Q&A mentioning jockstraps, onlyfans, drinking wine and saying fuck, I think he would pass out lmao

This is it. He’s still our Phil but over the past year his videos have felt different because he has matured. I’m so glad that the audience is finally realizing that he’s a real person with actual feelings and if this is the direction for his channel in 2021 I’m glad to be here

[soveinco]

The swearing tongue-twister was also interesting: a small thing on the surface, but maybe also an interesting symbolic moment, where he "allowed" himself to break the taboo on his own channel (not Dan's like Giving the People What They Want) not by casually and conversationally swearing (since it WOULDN'T be casual, as people would pick up on it), but by making it a thing where someone told him to [but he's the one who chose the question], and then he said he wouldn't edit it out if it happened [but he chose to keep in the part where he said he wouldn't edit it out, and then didn't edit it out]. So it's very "look what u made me do, hee hee " but also . . . maybe a first step for himself of saying "well, it's already happened, so now if it happens, it's less of a big deal."

Kind of like the frog-boiling they did with coming out, but for himself as well as the audience.

Basically I'm fascinated to see if he lets himself gradually start to swear on his channel, if it happens naturally. Linguistic register authenticity, if you will.

(I also think it's interesting that Dan said one time they actually had to have a bit of a back-and-forth about Phil swearing in Giving the People What They Want, because it wasn't pre-discussed; you can see from the cuts that they stop and have a conversation about it between when Dan says "three, two, one" and Phil says "fuck," because the couch pillow goes from Phil's hand to Dan's . . . oh, to be a fly on the wall for that conversation . . . Also, Phil's "arms up, hugging himself" pose during the countdown is the same one he did a few times in this video. Brave Phil, expanding his own comfort zone!!)

[alittledizzy]

Contrapoints posted a video today, and one throwaway line she had in the very beginning was about how fame is dehumanizing. That line made me think of DnP, and how the antidote to dehumanization -- to feeling like your life is solely a source of entertainment or a product available for endless critique -- is, as Phil said, not opening the door to certain aspects of your life to prevent the dehumanization from happening in the first place.

I agree with everything you wrote but this not, which is weird because it contracdict contratpoints and phil's belief of how to do this, two entertainers who are not in the shoes of the fans and as a fan, i really believe that people dehumanized dnp a long time ago and that today was a very little snap back to reality and i don't know why but i really feel that if they confirmed it we would have a 100% snap to reality. I don't really know how to explain it, but like i said, people think about them, imagine them, read about them, writte about them, draw about them and pretty much made fictional representation of them as a couple which makes me believe them confirming it being a real thing will scare people a lot and make them more uncomfy about imagining them than before. People are way too confortable about their relationship

On phone so idk how to quote but if they confirm their relationship then they don’t really have this private thing anymore, it is now something for public consumption. You think it would die down after a week but then dan starts doing interviews about his book and people will ask about their relationship. Phil goes to IOM without dan then people wonder if they broke up. Now that their relationship is out in the open people can become more invasive- how do they fuck, how often, which position (a paraphrase of the interview dan did with attitude). It may not sound like a big deal because they do get that now but they only get that from their core group of fans-not the outside public.

I think that is EXACTLY what is already going on and already have been going. People already do that ALL the time. And i believe with the confirmation, people won't be as comfy to do it that they are now. I see broke up theories evevery months already, people have been wondering the top of bottom thing for years and wonder about their sex live already too.
about your last sentence, i don't understand how anyone would be interest into shipping a real couple if they never were interest in shipping it when it was a mystery in the first place. And most people that ships real canon couple are never as invasive as people that ships those were nothing is confirmed ? at least i think so ?

It puts them under more scrutiny by the media for anything they do in future, it's not just about the immediate interest. Dan making a thirst comment about mutuals hitting him up in the DMs can easily become a story about how they've broken up and could stir up a lot of drama and/or debate about how their relationship is doing by fans who are maybe a bit younger or don't understand Dan's sense of humour. I would say for the majority of us it isn't fictional, it's pretty obviously real.

i agree with your bit on the media scrutinity. thanks i didn't think about that. (and i agree with everything else i think too)

I think the point I'd make here (and what I believe shan was making but I won't speak for them) is that this is something that already happens in a smaller circle of core fandom, but confirming it would open the door to it being something everyone does. Media, casual fans, etc. Two million people watched their last video. Two million people don't write fic and tweet about them. Fandom can seem like it's all encompassing but we're just a microcosm of the people they actually reach. We're the known quantity for Dan and Phil.

Plus, we're looking at them as two youtubers we like, and that may not be the future for them. Dan is writing a book. He has two other projects, one is youtube but one isn't. Phil is trying to pitch shows and scripts. A few years down the line for all we know we'll be seeing them in news headlines and we know how the media loves trying to 'gotcha' people by throwing past statements up for them to explain.

[Levitating]

I hadn't catch that he had had a glass of wine before filming it! I did feel like he was more energetic/wild during the video as I thought it was because this was being another "post baking era" kind of video, as he touches on so many age-appropriate stuff: finances, sex, dating, religion!
I do do hope this is actually true, that he will from now on be more "adult" in his videos, adult meaning more sincere and closer this off-line authentic self.
I don't expect him to totally abandon the Youtube persona, as it would be impossible, but certainly to get closer to be the 30 something year old, incredibly intelligent and savy person he is.

And the dog?! Is there any actually possibility that he was just simply closing a cupboard that had opened?
London is still in full lockdown, so I won't think that was their friend's baby walking around, but either a baby or a dog would have make sounds!

[glitterintheair]

I think people tend to understimated how much power dnp still hold on the internet. They might not be at their Relevance Peak anymore but, as other people said before me, "Something we want to tell you" turned dnp into a trending topic on twitter, on tumblr and on youtube where the video trended for 2 two days. And that was just them announcing they bought a house. Can you imagine the absolute earthquake an official declaration of their relatioship would cause? (It's also very hilarious to me how there are people still needing a confirmation from them. I've been in the phandom long enough to remember so many people saying that they would believe in dnp being together "when they will buy a house together"... and now we're here, and YET that's not enough. And Dan saying they're soulmates and companions through life wasn't either. It blows my mind, really).

Anyway, it's obvious that dnp don't want that kind of attention. They already went through it once, when a personal video of theirs leaked and everyone watched it, reposted it, made gifs of it and tried to make dnp talk about it, and I feel that they are trying to protect themselves from the kind of scrutinity as much as they can. Would I love to live a in world where dnp are as so comfortable that they decide to openly talk about their story, share romantic joint pics on instagram, etc? Absolutely, but it's not something they wish to do and they've been very clear about it.

[Megancita75]

What's interesting to me is to wonder about the timing of this video. I feel like Phil probably wanted to address this specific question and this type of video was a good way to do it, and I also suspect he put the screenshot in the thumbnail with the dating question because he wanted people to know he was going to address it (which to my mind is different from clickbait; it's more along the lines of "please look because I'm have something to say").

So if that's true it makes me wonder if there's anything that's happened behind the scenes that made him feel like he needed to bring this up now (like an onslaught of fan inquirey), or if they are planning on maybe doing more together and he wanted to get a jump on those sorts of questions, or if it could just be something he wanted to do in advance of Dan's increasing book publicity. Or maybe it's something he always intended to say, and now seemed a good a time as any.

I keep going back to Dan's comment in the Stereo show about how people want public figures to live life "fast" and hit all these milestones, and I think it's true and a sharp observation. And Phil's statement in the video just reminded me all over again that he and Dan are gonna live life at their own pace and on their own terms, and in a way there is something quite comforting to me in that kind of communication. Like, "we are going to live our lives and we are going to show you what we want to show you, but we are here and we are ok."

[TuxedoSam]

But everyone i see that are a casual viewers or an ex viewers are extremly respectful of dan and phil. i think saying "yeah but only a small part of their viewer act like that and if they reveal they are together all the other part that don't act like that will start to" is false. So many people that watch dan and phil casually despite "phannies" and will call them out for whatever reasons. I can't imagine people coming for the first time as a dnp fan after they would confirm it and thinking "let's start being invasive". Maybe some weirdos will be i really don't think this will be on a large scale

they "don't want that kind of attention" yet their whole life this is the attention they have got and still have. Also, medias are bullshit and everyone know this, any medias could post as many articles as they want about speculating about them i don't see how dan and phil would care on single bit about it. Millions of celebrities have that everyday and everyone knows medias are asshole who are only here for gossips and don't matter

[alittledizzy]

But everyone i see that are a casual viewers or an ex viewers are extremly respectful of dan and phil. i think saying "yeah but only a small part of their viewer act like that and if they reveal they are together all the other part that don't act like that will start to" is false. So many people that watch dan and phil casually despite "phannies" and will call them out for whatever reasons. I can't imagine people coming for the first time as a dnp fan after they would confirm it and thinking "let's start being invasive". Maybe some weirdos will be i really don't think this will be on a large scale

they "don't want that kind of attention" yet their whole life this is the attention they have got and still have. Also, medias are bullshit and everyone know this, any medias could post as many articles as they want about speculating about them i don't see how dan and phil would care on single bit about it. Millions of celebrities have that everyday and everyone knows medias are asshole who are only here for gossips and don't matter

I disagree but I think it's because I'm coming from a different perspective than interest = invasive. I think that intense curiosity can and does exist without negative intent, and honestly - just look at how many people came to phandom after Dan's coming out video. If the premise were applied to that - we don't know his sexuality so therefore that's why people are curious and speculate - then the opposite would have happened. But I scroll my tumblr and twitter feeds and half the people actively discussing them only got into them in the past year and a half.

I think the same would happen with a relationship confirmation. People would be drawn to and want to engage with a couple more than they might two individual entertainers. People like following relationships in the media and speculating on them. Tabloids have built an entire industry around it. Not that I think Dan and Phil would become tabloid fodder immediately, but since we don't know what will happen in the future with their careers we can't rule out that level of awareness and interest one day, and I think that's a motivation for Dan and Phil to set these boundaries early. I do think they'd care, the same way they cared enough to take down the phan timeline before the first round of TABINOF press. Media does matter, whether we like it or not, especially to people with careers in the entertainment industry. It's just slow burning awareness that people come to on their own vs a statement that can be held in front of them for further commentary. Dan and Phil have always liked to have control when they can get it, and they can control this.

[TuxedoSam]

I disagree but I think it's because I'm coming from a different perspective than interest = invasive. I think that intense curiosity can and does exist without negative intent, and honestly - just look at how many people came to phandom after Dan's coming out video. If the premise were applied to that - we don't know his sexuality so therefore that's why people are curious and speculate - then the opposite would have happened. But I scroll my tumblr and twitter feeds and half the people actively discussing them only got into them in the past year and a half.

I think the same would happen with a relationship confirmation. People would be drawn to and want to engage with a couple more than they might two individual entertainers. People like following relationships in the media and speculating on them. Tabloids have built an entire industry around it. Not that I think Dan and Phil would become tabloid fodder immediately, but since we don't know what will happen in the future with their careers we can't rule out that level of awareness and interest one day, and I think that's a motivation for Dan and Phil to set these boundaries early. I do think they'd care, the same way they cared enough to take down the phan timeline before the first round of TABINOF press. Media does matter, whether we like it or not, especially to people with careers in the entertainment industry. It's just slow burning awareness that people come to on their own vs a statement that can be held in front of them for further commentary. Dan and Phil have always liked to have control when they can get it, and they can control this.

sorry but I.... really don't get where you are going with saying this ? yes curiosity exist, yes people are curious and yes it doesn't mean they are going to be invasive people. I never said people weren't curious, Of course everyone is curious about their relationship and everyone wants to know about it, wether they are vocal about it or not and the fact that some are not vocal about it show that some people won't be invasive ?
I'm not seeing what you see with "people being drawn to couples more than two entertainers" because so many couples youtubers are extremly irrevelant and so many single youtubers are extremly famous. Being a couple as very little to do with it ? I do respect your view on this but i can't see it ?
They can control it of course but i'm really asking myself if it's beneficial and if it wouldn't be more beneficial if they confirmed it

[alittledizzy]

I disagree but I think it's because I'm coming from a different perspective than interest = invasive. I think that intense curiosity can and does exist without negative intent, and honestly - just look at how many people came to phandom after Dan's coming out video. If the premise were applied to that - we don't know his sexuality so therefore that's why people are curious and speculate - then the opposite would have happened. But I scroll my tumblr and twitter feeds and half the people actively discussing them only got into them in the past year and a half.

I think the same would happen with a relationship confirmation. People would be drawn to and want to engage with a couple more than they might two individual entertainers. People like following relationships in the media and speculating on them. Tabloids have built an entire industry around it. Not that I think Dan and Phil would become tabloid fodder immediately, but since we don't know what will happen in the future with their careers we can't rule out that level of awareness and interest one day, and I think that's a motivation for Dan and Phil to set these boundaries early. I do think they'd care, the same way they cared enough to take down the phan timeline before the first round of TABINOF press. Media does matter, whether we like it or not, especially to people with careers in the entertainment industry. It's just slow burning awareness that people come to on their own vs a statement that can be held in front of them for further commentary. Dan and Phil have always liked to have control when they can get it, and they can control this.

sorry but I.... really don't get where you are going with saying this ? yes curiosity exist, yes people are curious and yes it doesn't mean they are going to be invasive people. I never said people weren't curious, Of course everyone is curious about their relationship and everyone wants to know about it, wether they are vocal about it or not and the fact that some are not vocal about it show that some people won't be invasive ?
I'm not seeing what you see with "people being drawn to couples more than two entertainers" because so many couples youtubers are extremly irrevelant and so many single youtubers are extremly famous. Being a couple as very little to do with it ? I do respect your view on this but i can't see it ?
They can control it of course but i'm really asking myself if it's beneficial and if it wouldn't be more beneficial if they confirmed it

Yeah I think we're just approaching it from such different places that we can't really understand where the other is coming from, which is totally fine - it takes all kinds of input to keep a conversation interesting!

[inanerat]

So if that's true [that Phil specifically wanted to address it] it makes me wonder if there's anything that's happened behind the scenes that made him feel like he needed to bring this up now (like an onslaught of fan inquirey), or if they are planning on maybe doing more together and he wanted to get a jump on those sorts of questions, or if it could just be something he wanted to do in advance of Dan's increasing book publicity. Or maybe it's something he always intended to say, and now seemed a good a time as any.

I keep going back to Dan's comment in the Stereo show about how people want public figures to live life "fast" and hit all these milestones, and I think it's true and a sharp observation. And Phil's statement in the video just reminded me all over again that he and Dan are gonna live life at their own pace and on their own terms, and in a way there is something quite comforting to me in that kind of communication. Like, "we are going to live our lives and we are going to show you what we want to show you, but we are here and we are ok."

I think this is really interesting and honestly I feel like there's a lot of truth to what Dan said and I feel like this video was a really good reminder to come right after that one that, while they have announced something big and meaningful like moving, that doesn't mean they're going to open up on other relationship-type things. As soon as one announcement happens people are all excited about what next big announcement it could lead to. I feel like this vid does a good job of shutting that down a bit.

With them both having set this very clear (and fairly obviously a pre-discussed between them) boundary around relationship stuff it does make me wonder what the future holds for them. Like would they ever want to get legally married? Their finances are already way more tied together than many married couples, they are pretty much socially Together in every sense of the word other than explicitly being in a romantic relationship to the public, but if they wanted to have kids, while I don't know the UK details very well, I would imagine that being legally married (or at least in a legal partnership) would be helpful, if not required, in that process (be it adoption or surrogacy, although I feel like they would be more likely to adopt, but that's their decision). If they ever did get married, for whatever reason, I would imagine that would be when they would mention it, purely because UK marriage records are public, eventually someone would find it and make a deal of it anyway, so they would probably rather be the ones to control that narrative themselves. We'll see in like 5 years I guess.

(I also think it's interesting that Dan said one time they actually had to have a bit of a back-and-forth about Phil swearing in Giving the People What They Want, because it wasn't pre-discussed; you can see from the cuts that they stop and have a conversation about it between when Dan says "three, two, one" and Phil says "fuck," because the couch pillow goes from Phil's hand to Dan's . . . oh, to be a fly on the wall for that conversation . . . Also, Phil's "arms up, hugging himself" pose during the countdown is the same one he did a few times in this video. Brave Phil, expanding his own comfort zone!!)

I had never noticed this behavior of Phil's but it absolutely is a thing he does and it has broken me. Thank you.
Edit: also Dan's recent tweet about not knowing how to hug friends anymore?? I know he words a lot of that so it's more of a generally #relateable tweet but it's also so funny to me,, like Phil just doesn't count in those generalized tweet scenarios, he lives in his own special category. Dan can hug Phil all he wants.

[TuxedoSam]

Yeah I think we're just approaching it from such different places that we can't really understand where the other is coming from, which is totally fine - it takes all kinds of input to keep a conversation interesting!

Honestly if anyone wants to strongly disagree with me i do really want to see it and hear other people's views. I have seen people on tumblr apparently being very mad about what phil said yesterday and i wonder if anyone in here feels the same way. I'm really not the one who feels "mad" but more concerned for them as in "Is what dnp are doing really beneficial for them ?" like to me... it seems like they think it's beneficial because they are sentimental and want to keep what they have but if they really don't want people to speculate, i don't think this is the right way to go ? They can confirm their relationship AND set boundaries about it. Imagine them confirming it in a video then very much setting boundaries right away to not ask any question? who would start being invasive after that ? I don't see anyone being "brave" enough to counter that and be really vocally invasive about it. And if the medias would, they'll be seen really negatively.
People are absolutely way more waiting on the edge of their seat to see if they'll slip up about being a couple and asking if they are one still now that if they confirmed it and said they don't want anyone to pry.

[inanerat]

Yeah I think we're just approaching it from such different places that we can't really understand where the other is coming from, which is totally fine - it takes all kinds of input to keep a conversation interesting!

Honestly if anyone wants to strongly disagree with me i do really want to see it and hear other people's views. I have seen people on tumblr apparently being very mad about what phil said yesterday and i wonder if anyone in here feels the same way. I'm really not the one who feels "mad" but more concerned for them as in "Is what dnp are doing really beneficial for them ?" like to me... it seems like they think it's beneficial because they are sentimental and want to keep what they have but if they really don't want people to speculate, i don't think this is the right way to go ? They can confirm their relationship AND set boundaries about it. Imagine them confirming it in a video then very much setting boundaries right away to not ask any question? who would start being invasive after that ? I don't see anyone being "brave" enough to counter that and be really vocally invasive about it. And if the medias would, they'll be seen really negatively.
People are absolutely way more waiting on the edge of their seat to see if they'll slip up about being a couple and asking if they are one still now that if they confirmed it and said they don't want anyone to pry.

Sorry for double posting, but I wanted to keep this convo separate. I think I'm on a similar page to dizzy. You totally have a point about them not confirming anything leading to people being on the edge of their seat, looking for any slip up, level of invested in the possibility, and in a way if they just said it plain and simple maybe it would lessen that. But what I interpret from Phil talking about 'opening the door to his private life' and 'that door being quite a hard one to close' is that it is likely that if they did confirm anything, while some stuff would die down, a lot of that speculative energy (that imo is something some people thrive on, not all but some for sure) would simply move further into their relationship, so to speak. It would move from being about them just being together to how they are together, or whether they are still together, etc. By keeping the question at if they even are together, it lessens some of the deeper speculation because people can be more caught up on the initial question.

And while if they ever did say anything about it, they definitely would set boundaries and ask people not to pry, in a similar way that Dan mentioned not talking about his personal relationship life in BIG, not everyone will respect that, and sadly I think not even all of bigger media would respect that, beyond just individual or small groups of fans being prying.

[Amiaw]

I’d love for Phil to make this into a series kind of like his version of isg but instead of giving advice he just drinks wine and gossips. I’d live for that.

[TuxedoSam]

Sorry for double posting, but I wanted to keep this convo separate. I think I'm on a similar page to dizzy. You totally have a point about them not confirming anything leading to people being on the edge of their seat, looking for any slip up, level of invested in the possibility, and in a way if they just said it plain and simple maybe it would lessen that. But what I interpret from Phil talking about 'opening the door to his private life' and 'that door being quite a hard one to close' is that it is likely that if they did confirm anything, while some stuff would die down, a lot of that speculative energy (that imo is something some people thrive on, not all but some for sure) would simply move further into their relationship, so to speak. It would move from being about them just being together to how they are together, or whether they are still together, etc. By keeping the question at if they even are together, it lessens some of the deeper speculation because people can be more caught up on the initial question.

And while if they ever did say anything about it, they definitely would set boundaries and ask people not to pry, in a similar way that Dan mentioned not talking about his personal relationship life in BIG, not everyone will respect that, and sadly I think not even all of bigger media would respect that, beyond just individual or small groups of fans being prying.

I understand and kind of agree with what you mean. But I still really don't see people strongly speculating that they broke up if they ever did confirm it then set boundaries. Like, of course people are gonna be wondering if they are, talking about it privately but i really don't see anyone starting to vocally do it. So i don't see the big deal of it. (except if they actually break up but why worry about that ? that's kind of weird if you are in love but that's another subject)

Which got me to think, and i know people hate when someone says this, aren't they doing this so they keep the shippers as viewers ? And you are gonna say, of course they do but it really got me thinking if they aren't doing it mainly for that and not for privacy because they can still have their privacy even if they confirmed it, like i said, who would be extremly vocal about prying on them if they set boundaries ? and peopple would calm down the speculating and invasive behavior after them confirming it so really i think the "to keep privacy" would be winning if they confirm it
I know this is controversial but i can't help thinking this is a very big possibility. I do still believe the possibility of it being not true and that it's just them wanting to keep their privacy but... it just doesn't make sense to me

[Levitating]

or if it could just be something he wanted to do in advance of Dan's increasing book publicity.

This just made me realise how scary it may be, the possibility that journalists, noticing our interest in their relationships and thus the amount of views they would receive from such article, end up digging in their personal life. I would hate for a unwanted outing from a journalist to come and, most likely, influence their relationship

Another scary thing is that, if they are together, they would now be in a 10-years relationship, which is so so delicate. We all want true love to exist, but 10 years is a lot, especially if you start as such a young age because there are some massive changes you for through between being 20 and being 30 years old. You almost completely change, which tests a relationship. The idea of saying "we are together", having people celebrating them, must feel like a pressure to keep staying together just because of the support they would receive/the hope they would incite/the views (yes, too) they would get. All of these things play negatively against a relationship, which should be free of any restriction and move organically, on its own, according only to the emotions of two persons involved.

[TuxedoSam]

or if it could just be something he wanted to do in advance of Dan's increasing book publicity.

This just made me realise how scary it may be, the possibility that journalists, noticing our interest in their relationships and thus the amount of views they would receive from such article, end up digging in their personal life. I would hate for a unwanted outing from a journalist to come and, most likely, influence their relationship

Another scary thing is that, if they are together, they would now be in a 10-years relationship, which is so so delicate. We all want true love to exist, but 10 years is a lot, especially if you start as such a young age because there are some massive changes you for through between being 20 and being 30 years old. You almost completely change, which tests a relationship. The idea of saying "we are together", having people celebrating them, must feel like a pressure to keep staying together just because of the support they would receive/the hope they would incite/the views (yes, too) they would get. All of these things play negatively against a relationship, which should be free of any restriction and move organically, on its own, according only to the emotions of two persons involved.

People don't need to celebrate them if they say they don't want it. Saying they don't want anything on it or ask on it would make most people respect it.
I really disagree that they would have pressure to still be together. If they are confortable with their relationship that shouldn't happen so maybe they are not very confortable with it then.
Confirm it and set boundaries it what i'm saying, not just confirm it and let people go crazy on it

[Amiaw]

or if it could just be something he wanted to do in advance of Dan's increasing book publicity.

This just made me realise how scary it may be, the possibility that journalists, noticing our interest in their relationships and thus the amount of views they would receive from such article, end up digging in their personal life. I would hate for a unwanted outing from a journalist to come and, most likely, influence their relationship

Another scary thing is that, if they are together, they would now be in a 10-years relationship, which is so so delicate. We all want true love to exist, but 10 years is a lot, especially if you start as such a young age because there are some massive changes you for through between being 20 and being 30 years old. You almost completely change, which tests a relationship. The idea of saying "we are together", having people celebrating them, must feel like a pressure to keep staying together just because of the support they would receive/the hope they would incite/the views (yes, too) they would get. All of these things play negatively against a relationship, which should be free of any restriction and move organically, on its own, according only to the emotions of two persons involved.

People don't need to celebrate them if they say they don't want it. Saying they don't want anything on it or ask on it would make most people respect it.
I really disagree that they would have pressure to still be together. If they are confortable with their relationship that shouldn't happen so maybe they are not very confortable with it then.
Confirm it and set boundaries it what i'm saying, not just confirm it and let people go crazy on it

Dan and Phil have already made very direct statements about how they feel on this. I know people want to know and most of the time there’s no ill intent but If people can’t accept the boundaries they’ve drawn now then they won’t respect them if they ever say more.

[lefthandedism]

I think personal preference/style is often overlooked in these discussions about Deppy "confirming" X, whether X is a particular type of relationship, or their plans, or whatever. Not everybody uses the same words for things, particularly something as personal as a close relationship.

Dan has offered a string of words for their relationship (to the media!)--"best friends, arch enemies, husbands, business partners, partners in crime, soul mates, just mates, who the fuck knows?"--and said we can use one or more of them if we want to. But their relationship is what it is (and they've shown it to us!), and they are not going to agree with--"confirm"--any words we offer them. With the possible exception of "best friends".