Dan & Phil Part 99: OnlyPhans

[sarmstr2]

I missed this show as I was in a work meeting and it looks like I missed a doozy.

[fruitcriminals]

'Why doesn't Dan get married? because he's scared of commitment'

helLOOOO???

Honestly this is a bit like couples therapy on coke and red bull.

This is the most accurate take I've ever seen.

How were they so hyper? And so horny at one point. I mean. Far be it for me to cast aspersions, actually I'll shut up.

Also another day in the saga of commitment waffle. Petition for Phil to just shove a slipper in his mouth next week. I'll post him some tangfastics as a reward.

[rizzo]

All this talk of marriage really threw us off the key quote of today's show:

"dan and phil: we're not into slits."

[Megancita75]

So I need someone who has been around longer than me to explain the dynamic in these shows. I've typed out and deleted a bunch of sentences trying to explain what I mean, but I guess I'm just having trouble figuring out the push-and-pull between them. Like, I think they both have things they want to talk about and then Dan is certainly pushing the envelope with innuendos, and there were a lot of silences today where I think one or the other was trying to figure out what direction to take a comment. I'm honestly fascinated trying to figure how much they are winging it, how much Dan is deliberately trying to be challenging for his own personal reasons, and what the ground rules (if any) they've established.

Also, I'm very curious how someone not familiar at all with the two of them would perceive these shows and the dynamic.

[inanerat]

All this talk of marriage really threw us off the key quote of today's show:

"dan and phil: we're not into slits."

I caught this too and with Dan being an Arca stan all I could think about was Rip the Slit (a good song, btw)

One of my favourite things that they've done more often recently is just letting the other one hang when there's an innuendo of some kind. Like before, and still now sometimes, they'll either build on it and then move on or just move on really quickly but like today with Dan definitely hung up on the word slit for a while before that joke finally made it out and he got over it but also Dan saying 'shower toys' and leaving it, and not making any further comments as Phil started giggling. And then just letting Phil stew in his filth giggle. idk why it's just so FUNNY to me and I love it.

I was surprised there was not a similar filth margination after 'who's more likely to choke on their own saliva' and Dan's leading follow up question of what kind of scenario, but you can't win 'em all.

Also, Megancita kind of mentioned this but the complete silences might have been my absolute favourite part of today's show. Some of it does seem to be them just thinking about what they want to say, which tbh I like, and I like them feeling like they can take a second to think and not have to be like bam, bam, bam, entertainment but also some of it feels so much like a silly little staring contest like game. There was one point where the it went quiet for longer and I just felt like there was a palpable tension of them silently challenging each other to break the silence first. Kind of like in ditl London when they are cooking and both just go quiet and Dan stands there with a straight face until Phil laughs and then they both laugh. Out of all of the things in today's show, this was the one point that made me genuinely laugh aloud, which doesn't happen often and it was from them NOT saying anything lmaoo

[hello9217]

So I need someone who has been around longer than me to explain the dynamic in these shows. I've typed out and deleted a bunch of sentences trying to explain what I mean, but I guess I'm just having trouble figuring out the push-and-pull between them. Like, I think they both have things they want to talk about and then Dan is certainly pushing the envelope with innuendos, and there were a lot of silences today where I think one or the other was trying to figure out what direction to take a comment. I'm honestly fascinated trying to figure how much they are winging it, how much Dan is deliberately trying to be challenging for his own personal reasons, and what the ground rules (if any) they've established.

Also, I'm very curious how someone not familiar at all with the two of them would perceive these shows and the dynamic.

I think it’s difficult that they are in separate rooms for the show, or at least I’m assuming they are because there is no echo. When they did them on younow they used to type each other notes on the computer if they had something to say to one another. I think that 10 second pause was because they had to text each other something that they didn’t want to say out loud and that’s why dan’s like ‘oh here’s this totally random thing I just thought of.’

[alien]

dan's therapist does a good job with selfknowleadge, but is awful at coming up with ways to deal with the shit that comes up. dan's got a rule of "i'm like this i'll never change" but maybe if he changed, he'd be happier.

and phil is such a wealthy kid. omg. i knew it, but i did never know as much as i known it now. he is so fucking spoiled.

this is the thing that bothers me so much about dan because it's such a bad take on mental health. it drives me mad.

as for the rest of the show...this was not my favorite of the stereos and i was surprised to see so many say it was their favorite lol. this was definitely my least favorite one.

[fruitcriminals]

So I need someone who has been around longer than me to explain the dynamic in these shows. I've typed out and deleted a bunch of sentences trying to explain what I mean, but I guess I'm just having trouble figuring out the push-and-pull between them. Like, I think they both have things they want to talk about and then Dan is certainly pushing the envelope with innuendos, and there were a lot of silences today where I think one or the other was trying to figure out what direction to take a comment. I'm honestly fascinated trying to figure how much they are winging it, how much Dan is deliberately trying to be challenging for his own personal reasons, and what the ground rules (if any) they've established.

Also, I'm very curious how someone not familiar at all with the two of them would perceive these shows and the dynamic.

I think it’s difficult that they are in separate rooms for the show, or at least I’m assuming they are because there is no echo. When they did them on younow they used to type each other notes on the computer if they had something to say to one another. I think that 10 second pause was because they had to text each other something that they didn’t want to say out loud and that’s why dan’s like ‘oh here’s this totally random thing I just thought of.’

Am imagining Phil fashioning a very large sign that just says either SHUT UP or WORLDS WORST HUSBAND to be used through the glass wall for Tuesday to save time.

Phil's gone in what 6 weeks? From saying he wasn't going to talk about his dating life and wanted to keep 'that door closed'. To mirrorbutt, slits, lighhouse boobs, dan thinking about him in the shower, dan thinking about marriage (a legit thing to think about when you don't have a boyfriend obvi), whatever that sexual lentil thing was, shower toys and on and on.

Phil the door has been blown off its motherf*cking hinges.

My fave twitter takeaway from the show was 'gofundme for Phil to have a self care spa weekend without Dan' - and honestly same. Send him on a nice break with Pierre.

The one thing I caught - the onlyfans conundrum. It's been mentioned in every single video and stereo since the tweet. Always just as a small aside. Are we thinking Dan accidentally/purposely tweeted that?

@alien I think I enjoyed it because for once Phil actually got most sentences out without having to re re rewind remix

[alittledizzy]

I'm not gonna do timestamps for this until tomorrow but my head is already spinning at how many little domestic moments and stories were in this. God, if Phil wants to do this game again, or even better wants to make a proper video out of it... PLEASE.

[shan]

I really loved today's Stereo and I'm still bowled over by the fact that they're willing to talk about some of these topics, let alone give little stories and anecdotes to go along with them. This was the perfect format for little domestic bants and if they want to make the rest of the Stereos the same, I'd be good with that!

The silences didn't bother me all that much? I was nervous laughing during the super long DAPG one but I thought that one was part of the joke. Like who was going to crack first? It felt like that bit in an old Rize liveshow were someone in the comments told them to shut up or something and they just sat there in silence.

Maybe part of Phil's awkwardness to some of Dan's more explicitly phan comments is that in the past, any jokes like that were always met with an 'ew' response then a quick change in subject. What I think might be going on is that they would have to have talked a lot about how they want to handle this sort of thing moving forward and part of that seems to be 'we won't say we're together but we won't imply we aren't either'. That would take away Phil's default response and now he's having to figure out how to handle Dan's jokes in a new way he's comfortable with. That's my guess anyway, I really couldn't see Dan constantly blindsiding him with tmi jokes he's uncomfortable with and I really couldn't see them not talking about this stuff beforehand.

[Phantasy]

Know what’s refreshing with this format compared with the solo live shows... that when Dan has a freudian slip or puts his foot in his mouth *coughmarriagecough* there’s not this week long dread that he’s going to dedicate a 20 minute waffle trying to unwind it.... one of his classic “Stephen in the chat asks...” prepared diatribes. Whether it’s the format to thank or just Phil’s wherewithal to know enough to gloss over the comment and move on is a blessing.

(As much as I don’t think either of them have any real interest in marriage, beyond maybe a civil partnership, my innermost trashy self would love to see Dan go full bridezilla and plan their wedding for 6months and become the reality tv-esque diva he was meant to be.)

[soveinco]

I'm relistening to the Stereo, and something about the way Dan's mouth seems to run away with him at That Part specifically reminded me of how the other day I had a long, overly enthusiastic phone conversation with my landlord. And I'm not even close with my landlord. But I've been alone in my apartment for a year, and it's making my non-work social interactions Super Weird and in some cases, I'm just like, "oh, talking? *torrent of words without regard for appropriateness or context*"

. . . This was more about me than Dan, but man, he sure was chaotic this liveshow!!

Also, I joined well after the old liveshow era; did he always sing-talk so frequently, or is this more than usual, would you say? It's really interesting to me, because I often get things he says stuck in my head anyway because of the catchy way he speaks (he's like John Mulaney for me that way; easy to memorize/quote), but when they're little songs, it's even more like, ah, an earworm!

[Amiaw]

as for the rest of the show...this was not my favorite of the stereos and i was surprised to see so many say it was their favorite lol. this was definitely my least favorite one.

I felt slightly uncomfortable listening to them today but I did like the game. Not a fan of the commitment talk though so hope we're done with that.

[kavat]

2021 is a wild ride huh

So far they've talked about the home they built, properly discussed the pros and cons of getting a dog and just casually mentioned marriage.

I'm a happy little frog sitting in this warm bath

[glitterintheair]

I felt slightly uncomfortable listening to them today but I did like the game. Not a fan of the commitment talk though so hope we're done with that.

Can we discuss why this commitment talk has become a Thing? Because Dan is bringing it up waaay too much lately just for it to be a coincidence. (Also I am not sure that commitment issues is what he has. From the way he talks, it seems more something along the abandonment issue spectrum rather than the commitment one).

[Levitating]

Maybe part of Phil's awkwardness to some of Dan's more explicitly phan comments is that in the past, any jokes like that were always met with an 'ew' response then a quick change in subject. What I think might be going on is that they would have to have talked a lot about how they want to handle this sort of thing moving forward and part of that seems to be 'we won't say we're together but we won't imply we aren't either'. That would take away Phil's default response and now he's having to figure out how to handle Dan's jokes in a new way he's comfortable with. That's my guess anyway, I really couldn't see Dan constantly blindsiding him with tmi jokes he's uncomfortable with and I really couldn't see them not talking about this stuff beforehand.

This.

Now I need to re-listen because the silences did not fall after dangerous sentences, did they? I thought they had been a Internet connection problem!
I enjoyed this one the best, tbh. They sounded more natural and even the vocal messages were more interesting.

And that marriage comment. Who's asking him about marriage? Are phans/viewers asking him this? I don't have the impression it is a big topic of conversation among fans - if not, of course, for us DnP nerds who know everything they've done and remember what 2022 means, which is just a minority compared to the bigger viewership?

So, who's asking? I also find it particularly strange because... like, you do not talk about the rejection of a marriage/commitment issues with the person you have "rejected". I do no think Phil has asked him to marry him, but if he is his partner, how insensitive it is to go through that rejection again, in front of them?
So Phil must also be against marriage? All of his silence was really... loud.
Commitment may be a joke, but marriage is such a huge word.

[fruitcriminals]

OH MY GOD

I typed out verbatim what was said. Pressed submit, and it all disappeared. FML. Take 2

Verbatim from 27:40 ish

Dan: I've never dyyyeed my hair! Why doesn't Dan, get a tattooo, why doesn't Dan get a dog, why doesn't Dan get marrieddd, because he's scared of commitment!
Phil:Yeahhh
Dan: I'm not gonna dye my hair, what if I don't like it for three minutes, my life is OVER!
Phil: laughs, it's not...your life is not over
Dan: I have issues with control, i will not be spontaneous ever, everything has to be meticulously planned and I will not do 80% of the fun things that I could do in life because it has not passed Dan's meticulous planning threshold test and ever dying my hair a fun colour is part of that.
Phil: yeah
Phil: Ok well
Phil: we got it right
Dan: set me free from the prison of my own mind Phil, set me free!
Phil: we got it right we got it right
Phil: You're free
Dan: what would happen one day if I just dyed my hair pink?
Phil: I'm gonna just make you do it
Dan: what would matter one day if there was just a shotgun wedding? what would happen if i just got blitzed and said tattoo a scorpion on my thigh?
Phil: on myy butt?
Phil: OK next one!
Dan: would I just radically transform?

Phil doesn't seem rejected. He is laughing right until the shotgun wedding bit when he clearly decided to swiftly move that along as its private. I think it was as someone mentioned above, a bit of a lockdown induced loopy tangent that Phil has clearly heard before. Dan wants to do fun things, marrying Phil is included in that, he just needs to get past his own issues and knows that's a him problem not a Phil problem. The set me free from the prison of my own mind Phil is telling. I get the impression that as much as therapy is an assistance, he often needs Phil to yank him out of his mental gymnastics and just force him to do stuff for his own good.

Side note - they honestly might as well just get married in lockdown. At least that's a legit reason to not invite Adrian.

[dumbslet]

That marriage chat honestly - I'm convinced Dan just let that slip and then ran with it. I think marriage is probably something that Dan didn't fully consider a possibility until he actually came out to his family (not that long ago!) so I think there's probably been a bit of pressure of well, now I'm out, now we've got a house together, now we've got a dog, now we should probably get married.

I've been in a same sex relationship for 2 years and neither of us are out to our parents, we are out to a very select bunch of friends (maybe 5 in total) and there's a lot of stuff you don't "let yourself" think about because you're closeted. They've been like that for 10 years and I think coming out gave them so much momentum that they're still catching up with the rest of the stuff straight people do for free.

I think Dan probably needs time to get used to the possibility.

[ukhon]

Side note - they honestly might as well just get married in lockdown. At least that's a legit reason to not invite Adrian.

No cos why does no one like Adrian lol

[Megancita75]

That marriage chat honestly - I'm convinced Dan just let that slip and then ran with it. I think marriage is probably something that Dan didn't fully consider a possibility until he actually came out to his family (not that long ago!) so I think there's probably been a bit of pressure of well, now I'm out, now we've got a house together, now we've got a dog, now we should probably get married.

I've been in a same sex relationship for 2 years and neither of us are out to our parents, we are out to a very select bunch of friends (maybe 5 in total) and there's a lot of stuff you don't "let yourself" think about because you're closeted. They've been like that for 10 years and I think coming out gave them so much momentum that they're still catching up with the rest of the stuff straight people do for free.

I think Dan probably needs time to get used to the possibility.

This is a really insightful comment and quite a compassionate view that I hadn't considered. It reminds me another thing Dan said in another show, about people wanting public figures to live life fast and reach certain milestones quickly, and it's true that in the fan space people immediately after they came out were, and are, ready for a house/dog/marriage announcement. I wonder how much of that DnP see and feel genuinely pressured by. And it's also certainly true that the real, daily, lived experience of life is often much, much slower and incremental in terms of decision-making, and maybe that's what a lot of the talk in the recent stereo shows has been reflecting, the way these sorts of decisions and commitments come about in real life, through a lot of repetitive talk and introspection and working through ambivalence. Because if you aren't a spontaneous person, or don't allow yourself to be one, then lots of things get slowed down by being filtered through deliberation.

I also want to say there were so many other things in that Stereo show that were interesting to be beside the marriage bit (I understand the interest, but I personally get a bit fatigued by the romantic idealization sometimes). Dan just threw out there the mention of a two-hour stage show! Phil went on an obsessive quest for the perfect profile picture! Multiple Bryony mentions!

[Levitating]

That marriage chat honestly - I'm convinced Dan just let that slip and then ran with it. I think marriage is probably something that Dan didn't fully consider a possibility until he actually came out to his family (not that long ago!) so I think there's probably been a bit of pressure of well, now I'm out, now we've got a house together, now we've got a dog, now we should probably get married.

I've been in a same sex relationship for 2 years and neither of us are out to our parents, we are out to a very select bunch of friends (maybe 5 in total) and there's a lot of stuff you don't "let yourself" think about because you're closeted. They've been like that for 10 years and I think coming out gave them so much momentum that they're still catching up with the rest of the stuff straight people do for free.

I think Dan probably needs time to get used to the possibility.

The fact is that, being your thought completely plausible, why would he mention it in a work environment? While working? Would you (meaning any of you folks) mention that you are scared of commitment in front of your partner while in front of a client/your students/guests?
He is for us, during Stereo, an entertainer. Maybe he wants to disclose more of himself and that's totally fine (and nice! ), yet it is still an hot topic between any couple - not marriage per se, but not wanting marriage, rejecting it, going over & touching on commitment issues in front of that person that is the recipient of such fright and the public.

Hence, I really struggle to see what's Phil's reaction to all of this. He seemed completely comfortable in saying "he doesn't... like it" in the first Stereo show w Dan when they talked about commitment: completely untouched by what Dan considers a problem.
Because maybe it is not a problem for Phil, hence why he's so chill about it, but for Dan it is, it is an issue, and so if for Dan is an issue, then doesn't it automatically become an issue for Phil?
Like, if it is an issue then it means that for Dan marriage represents so many profound things, otherwise he wouldn't be so bothered. And if it does mean something, then how can Phil be so chilled about it? You 'boyfriend' is telling you that marriage is a big thing, so not wanting to get marriage means something.

Or maybe they're already engaged and that's why Phil is chill: he knows it is all just an act

[Kurapika]

I felt slightly uncomfortable listening to them today but I did like the game. Not a fan of the commitment talk though so hope we're done with that.

Can we discuss why this commitment talk has become a Thing? Because Dan is bringing it up waaay too much lately just for it to be a coincidence. (Also I am not sure that commitment issues is what he has. From the way he talks, it seems more something along the abandonment issue spectrum rather than the commitment one).

if i had to guess, i'd say it's a bit of a naming fear as well. just like it took so long for him to come out, one of the reasons being he was afraid of calling himself "gay" and cristalizing it. i think it's the same with marriage, he might be pretty much married already, but putting a name on it is scary bc there's no turning back (and fuck do i relate lmao)

[rizzo]

There's a not-so-small part of me that thinks a lot of this is just Dan being really good at putting his foot in his mouth. The "shotgun wedding" bit (in which, yeah, I assume he meant eloping) was just to commit to the act he had already begun, which was mentioning marriage in the first place.

But the sing-y bit? Like. Truly I wonder if part of it is him wanting to address his own perceived elephant in the room. Not his fear of commitment per se, but just the fact that maybe he thinks we think about marriage for them and so he wants us to know that it might not be something they'll be doing - for whatever reason (commitment issues or not). The problem is, of course, that he should take a page out of Phil's book and just not mention it at all. Because now he's got us overanalyzing the thought more than he probably ever truly did. And I think that's why Phil's reaction is so deadpan and eventually, Phil moves the whole thing along. Because Dan's just making it worse and making it a topic, when it never really needed to be.

Perhaps I'm projecting my own public blunders on him, but a lot of what I hear when Dan lets loose like this is.... panic and over-correction.

[noodlebum]

Off topic but I just had 'Not Rishan!' 'Isn't it?' pop up into my head for the first time in ages, and now I want to watch the Mark of Oxin videos again

[obvsly]

OH MY GOD

I typed out verbatim what was said. Pressed submit, and it all disappeared. FML. Take 2

Verbatim from 27:40 ish

Dan: I've never dyyyeed my hair! Why doesn't Dan, get a tattooo, why doesn't Dan get a dog, why doesn't Dan get marrieddd, because he's scared of commitment!
Phil:Yeahhh
Dan: I'm not gonna dye my hair, what if I don't like it for three minutes, my life is OVER!
Phil: laughs, it's not...your life is not over
Dan: I have issues with control, i will not be spontaneous ever, everything has to be meticulously planned and I will not do 80% of the fun things that I could do in life because it has not passed Dan's meticulous planning threshold test and ever dying my hair a fun colour is part of that.
Phil: yeah
Phil: Ok well
Phil: we got it right
Dan: set me free from the prison of my own mind Phil, set me free!
Phil: we got it right we got it right
Phil: You're free
Dan: what would happen one day if I just dyed my hair pink?
Phil: I'm gonna just make you do it
Dan: what would matter one day if there was just a shotgun wedding? what would happen if i just got blitzed and said tattoo a scorpion on my thigh?
Phil: on myy butt?
Phil: OK next one!
Dan: would I just radically transform?

Phil doesn't seem rejected. He is laughing right until the shotgun wedding bit when he clearly decided to swiftly move that along as its private. I think it was as someone mentioned above, a bit of a lockdown induced loopy tangent that Phil has clearly heard before. Dan wants to do fun things, marrying Phil is included in that, he just needs to get past his own issues and knows that's a him problem not a Phil problem. The set me free from the prison of my own mind Phil is telling. I get the impression that as much as therapy is an assistance, he often needs Phil to yank him out of his mental gymnastics and just force him to do stuff for his own good.

Side note - they honestly might as well just get married in lockdown. At least that's a legit reason to not invite Adrian.

Can’t help quoting you in full coz I’m with you every word! (the Adrian part is ) Seeing that “set me free” part in writing is really something, isn’t it?