Dan & Phil Part 99: OnlyPhans

[fruitcriminals]

I remember him saying (perhaps in the Attitude interview?) that his family's first reaction to his coming out was okay, but then December came or something and they started showing classical signs of homophobia - that kind of discrimination that hide itself behind a facade of manners and respect.

So I'd guess he just has the right to stop overthinking about it (or care for it) and hence the freedom to tackle family issues in his own book.

Yes he did didn't he, I just googled and it is the attitude mag interview where he mentions his grandma at the xmas after he came out. And in that other interview with Ben Hunte in 2019 he said something like 'my family had literally no idea' about him being gay, and he thought they would be shocked when he told them. Ben seems shocked that he tried to speak to them on boxing day, and then on his mum's birthday, but he doesn't actually seem to see them apart from those times like holidays (overseas) or holidays like xmas and easter and birthday.

I would assume that it's quite a hard line to tread, wanting to be open and share to help others but not wanting to publicly tell the depths of the facts because you do still speak to some family and don't want to throw them under the bus to a degree where people they know give them the side eye in the local Asda.

[Megancita75]

I don't think talking about your family's dysfunction is throwing his family under the bus -- when I read that line in the preview, I was just like nodding my head in recognition and sympathy for him and his entire family. Just speaking from my own experience, my parents are under no delusions that they were perfect parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered by my telling other people that because it's just the honest truth of the complicated reality of existing within a family. Like, my acknowledging that we struggled as a family does not mean in any way that I don't think my parents are decent, good, kind people who also fucked up royally sometimes.

There was nothing outright abusive in my family, but things like lots of yelling and then absolute silence or a refusal to talk about the yelling later was a pretty dysfunctional influence in my life. For me at least, that led to being an adult who desperately wanted to be "good" and hide myself so as not to get in trouble and who never talking about my feelings in service of keeping the peace; and I suppose other kids in the same situation might go in the opposite direction and just rebel and decide nothing matters and give up for a period. We all have imperfect families and have to deal with the fallout of figuring out how those early experiences affect us as adults. And that's what I see Dan doing now, being in the middle of that task of untangling all those influences and early experiences.

So what I imagine -- based on the very small snippet we've seen -- is that some of Dan's story is sort of that garden-variety dysfunction that exists in a lot families, where there's love but also crappy behavior and emotional suppression. I also don't expect him to go into detail about those experiences, but just to generally sketch out the atmosphere and cirucmstaces. I can't imagine that's comfortable for Dan's family to read about, but I have a hard time imagining many of them thinking it's a betrayal of any sort unless they are just hardcore believers in the idea that you should never talk abut your family in any capacity to anyone ever, which is fairly old-fashioned idea, or that they are in complete denial and think they were a great family at all times. I would hope, for Dan's sake, that his family is able to acknowledge some of the bad times (which is what has happened in my family as we've all matured).

[kavat]

There was this bit in one of the snippets where he said that there's so much of a stigma around mantal health that people are more likely to admit that they have chlamydia or chronic constipation than depression. I read that and thought "yeah, seems about right" but a saw quite a few people on twitter who seemed to think this was ridiculous.

I'm curious what everyone thinks, because just like the healthcare question I think this is something that will vary a lot in different parts of the world as well as depending on your age. I'm of the opinion that there has been a lot of progress in just the past couple of years, at least online, but there's still very much a stigma around mental health problems that go beyond "everyone feels sad sometimes".

[alittledizzy]

There was this bit in one of the snippets where he said that there's so much of a stigma around mantal health that people are more likely to admit that they have chlamydia or chronic constipation than depression. I read that and thought "yeah, seems about right" but a saw quite a few people on twitter who seemed to think this was ridiculous.

I'm curious what everyone thinks, because just like the healthcare question I think this is something that will vary a lot in different parts of the world as well as depending on your age. I'm of the opinion that there has been a lot of progress in just the past couple of years, at least online, but there's still very much a stigma around mental health problems that go beyond "everyone feels sad sometimes".

Oh this is a very interesting question.

In my actual day to day life, no one outside of my best friend who came to this acceptance in his mid-thirties) and my roommate (who was started in therapy at eight after her dad died, and was raised with it) would ever feel comfortable a) seeing a therapist or b) even talking about mental health issues. I definitely got my anxiety disorder from my father and the one time I mentioned how it might help him (not even therapy - just medication) he said he couldn't even imagine airing out all your dirty laundry to some stranger who doesn't care and is just being paid to listen and write you a prescription. That's pretty much the mentality of everyone in my family, too. The most into their mental health they get is sharing a facebook meme about self-care bubble baths because their kids stress them out.

Online has always been a completely different world for me in terms of acceptance on pretty much every level. It terrifies me to think who I would have become if I hadn't connected with geographically diverse internet friends in my early teens. (Which wasn't as easy as it is today, either - we're talking onelist e-groups and genuinely old school forums.)

[Megancita75]

Yeah, I was surprised to hear Dan say that there is a stigma around mental health/depression until recently, because that is not my reality at all. But, that probably has a lot to do with my own personal experiences. I'm in my 40s, and as a child in the 80s/90s, I had a lot of exposure to ideas about mental health and therapy: my sister went to various kinds of therapy as child due to some serious issues she had (including 9 months at a residential treatment center), my parents went to couples therapy, and my brother and I would occasionally go to family therapy sessions with everyone. How my parents afforded all this on a minister and nursing salary is beyond me, though.

And then, also in the 90s, my mom started working at a psychiatric hospital where patients were taken for emergency or intensive treatment (schizophrenia, manic episodes, suicide attempts, etc.). So while we were a family that struggled a lot with yelling and emotional suppression (as mentioned above), we at the same time were also very exposed to the idea that therapy was an option and that having mental health issues wasn't a stigma. In fact, when I went through my first depressive episode in my 20s, it was my mom who recognized what was going on and convinced me to see a doctor for medication and later a therapist for talking and she never ever made me feel weird or bad about it.

[fruitcriminals]

I don't think talking about your family's dysfunction is throwing his family under the bus -- when I read that line in the preview, I was just like nodding my head in recognition and sympathy for him and his entire family. Just speaking from my own experience, my parents are under no delusions that they were perfect parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered by my telling other people that because it's just the honest truth of the complicated reality of existing within a family. Like, my acknowledging that we struggled as a family does not mean in any way that I don't think my parents are decent, good, kind people who also fucked up royally sometimes.

I think this is the thing, your family have taken accountability and sound very progressive, so you have one experience, someone's family member who hasn't particularly taken accountability and might say some nice things, but doesn't actually do the work to make up for the past, would feel like they are being thrown under the bus.

I wasn't saying what I said as shade to Dan, just acknowledging that it must be hard for him to know what and how much to say to be honest, but not offend family members he is still trying to maintain a relationship with.

[Bookworman355]

Personally I’ve never felt a huge stigma around mental health, but that doesn’t mean dealing with mental health was easier. If I faced any stigma, it was all internalized stuff. Before getting help, I convinced myself everyone around me would question the legitimacy of what I dealing with, or would make fun of me, even though logically I knew that wasn’t true. None of my friends or family ever made me feel poorly, it was all myself.

[LAshleigh]

There was this bit in one of the snippets where he said that there's so much of a stigma around mantal health that people are more likely to admit that they have chlamydia or chronic constipation than depression. I read that and thought "yeah, seems about right" but a saw quite a few people on twitter who seemed to think this was ridiculous.

I'm curious what everyone thinks, because just like the healthcare question I think this is something that will vary a lot in different parts of the world as well as depending on your age. I'm of the opinion that there has been a lot of progress in just the past couple of years, at least online, but there's still very much a stigma around mental health problems that go beyond "everyone feels sad sometimes".

I am pretty comfortable talking with other people in their mid-20s about mental health (friends, coworkers, etc.), mostly because almost everyone I know has been to therapy or taken depression/anxiety meds at some point. It's a whole other story talking to my parents and people their age. I'm sure many people their age would be cool with it, but my parents' attitude and that of some older friends is closer to "you only go to therapy in an extreme mental health crisis or after significant trauma," so I avoid the topic as not to worry them.

[visiblelurker]

Personally I’ve never felt a huge stigma around mental health, but that doesn’t mean dealing with mental health was easier. If I faced any stigma, it was all internalized stuff. Before getting help, I convinced myself everyone around me would question the legitimacy of what I dealing with, or would make fun of me, even though logically I knew that wasn’t true. None of my friends or family ever made me feel poorly, it was all myself.

I haven't logged for awhile (so hi again) but I really wanted to respond to this.

Feeling internal stigma is actually the more pervasive form of stigma as opposed to external or social stigma. Internalized stigma essentially just means that the affected individual has absorbed the TV, literature, news, etc mentions and discussions of mental health to create either a) fear of rejection or b) some part of you believes the negative elements so you try to reject the label.

So while society has progressed and overall lessened the stigma attached to mental health, the internalized stigma remains because it isn't attached to the likelihood of something happening but rather to the fear that it could.

Internalized stigma is mentioned in academic literature as one of the strongest factors that prevent people from seeking treatment where it would otherwise be available and accessible to them. Ironically it also frustrates the two most effective strategies for dismantling external stigma and its impact which requires individuals with mental health challenges to be willing to identify themselves to provide peer support and to challenge the stereotypes and misconceptions attached to mental health publicly.

The above is just a rough breakdown.

Sorry I have feelings about this - I'm working on a Masters about this.

[liola]

Stigma around mental health is again very much cultural. At least here in Italy, the stigma is very much real and very very present, even more so about medication. With young people and older people as well.

I've been in therapy for years and when i even hinted at me having seen a therapist my parents flipped because that is not something for you, only for very sick people!! You're fine!! And the conversation can't be broached. Nevermind mentioning anything about depression or medication. Even friends that I'm quite open with react awkwardly when i mention therapy, to the point of changing the subject in embarrassment. So when i read that the stigma is getting better, it doesn't resonate with me.

Like.. there isn't even proper nationwide charities about mental health here. It does seem to me like the US and the UK are way more open to talk and act about mental health than we could even hope for

[Catallena]

There was this bit in one of the snippets where he said that there's so much of a stigma around mantal health that people are more likely to admit that they have chlamydia or chronic constipation than depression. I read that and thought "yeah, seems about right" but a saw quite a few people on twitter who seemed to think this was ridiculous.

I'm curious what everyone thinks, because just like the healthcare question I think this is something that will vary a lot in different parts of the world as well as depending on your age. I'm of the opinion that there has been a lot of progress in just the past couple of years, at least online, but there's still very much a stigma around mental health problems that go beyond "everyone feels sad sometimes".

Hm. Well. I feel like sexually transmittable infections and diseases like chlamydia are certainly more talked about as part of sex education (cultural differences for this subject could be even more severe than for mental health lol) than depression is. Sex education at school, my parents' laughable attempts, and every teen girl magazine ever told me all about that stuff from age 11. Complete with 'real' shocking stories from 'readers'. Looking at that I would say that the topic of depression is more taboo. Buuuuut admitting to people you caught something is a whole other thing entirely imo. There's a huge stigma around STI/STD's, so I think it's at least comparable to depression?

I understand what Dan was getting at with that sentence, but yeah I do kinda agree with the criticism I guess. The stigma around depression and other mental health problems is huge, but naming an STI was maybe not the way to go? The chronic constipation was honestly a much better example.

[shan]

In my experience, sexual health is something people in my peer group seem much more comfortable talking about in comparison to mental health. I've tried to explain the feeling of not being able to leave the house even just to have dinner with close friends before to two of my best friends and they had absolutely no frame of reference to understand it. It just made no sense to them and they acknowledged that.

This also leads me to the question; in you guys' experience does the notion that everyone around 30 or younger have a firm grasp on the concepts of mental health actually hold true? It's been thrown around a few times in the last couple of pages that Dan's book is ultimately useless to this demographic but, thinking on my close friendship group alone (all late 20's), this really isn't my experience at all. I would say half of them are very knowledgeable on the topic of mental health, all of which have also had experiences with depression and/or anxiety, and half have very little if any.

I'm finding it really interesting reading about the different types of stigma as well. One of my best friends from uni had a very severe period of low-functioning depression and her Macedonian mother used every emotional manipulation tactic in the book to try and stop her from filling a script for anti-depressants that she desperately needed. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be if you actually lived in one of those countries. Luckily for me, my mum has always been a supporter of therapy and got me to the GP/psychologist/psychiatrist and ultimately on the antidepressants I needed when things started going wrong for me at 16. A huge yes to the internalised stigma as well. Nothing like being a depressed 16 yo when everyone else is having the time of their lives to realise that people don't really want to be around a Debbie Downer. Years and years of issues not being able to talk about feelings right there.

[dontpanic]

In my experience, sexual health is something people in my peer group seem much more comfortable talking about in comparison to mental health. I've tried to explain the feeling of not being able to leave the house even just to have dinner with close friends before to two of my best friends and they had absolutely no frame of reference to understand it. It just made no sense to them and they acknowledged that.

This also leads me to the question; in you guys' experience does the notion that everyone around 30 or younger have a firm grasp on the concepts of mental health actually hold true? It's been thrown around a few times in the last couple of pages that Dan's book is ultimately useless to this demographic but, thinking on my close friendship group alone (all late 20's), this really isn't my experience at all. I would say half of them are very knowledgeable on the topic of mental health, all of which have also had experiences with depression and/or anxiety, and half have very little if any.

I'm finding it really interesting reading about the different types of stigma as well. One of my best friends from uni had a very severe period of low-functioning depression and her Macedonian mother used every emotional manipulation tactic in the book to try and stop her from filling a script for anti-depressants that she desperately needed. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be if you actually lived in one of those countries. Luckily for me, my mum has always been a supporter of therapy and got me to the GP/psychologist/psychiatrist and ultimately on the antidepressants I needed when things started going wrong for me at 16. A huge yes to the internalised stigma as well. Nothing like being a depressed 16 yo when everyone else is having the time of their lives to realise that people don't really want to be around a Debbie Downer. Years and years of issues not being able to talk about feelings right there.

I really appreciate you bringing this up, because while I agree with everyone saying younger generations are more familiar of mental health topics and more accepting to a degree, I've noticed that unless they've struggled with their mental health or seen a therapist or something of the sort, even young people seem to only have a basic understanding of depression/anxiety/etc. at least from what I've noticed as a 24 year old.

re: stigma, while I think the stigma regarding mental health has lessened on the whole in recent years, I think it's more nuanced than that. like, talking about the general idea of something is easier, such as telling someone you've got anxiety, is very different than talking about or exhibiting symptoms. For sure people are more okay with the idea of someone being depressed, but actually talking about how you feel being depressed is still taboo for a lot of people in a lot of places regardless of age.

for a small example, I rarely talk about my mental health irl except for my OCD since I've got a few quirks anyone around me long enough will notice, and everyone's super chill and supportive when I tell them, but if I actually talk about details or show signs of it ppl are either judgmental, dismissive, or try to give me garbage advice regardless of age or if they're friends or classmates or whatever. and my only thing that actually effects other people (unfortunately one of my most intense obsessions) is that if I see a wrapper no longer holding food I need it to be thrown it away (like, granola bar or candy wrappers for example). I'm okay enough now with touching them as long as I have a napkin or something to pick it up with, so I'll always ask if I can throw someone else's wrapper away if I see it; I always stay casual/joke about it, but my body (especially my hands) noticeably shake, and if someone points it out I just say it's my ocd since by then I can't focus on anything else. usually people just act weird around me for a few days but sometimes ppl legit my age will say stuff like "just don't look at it" or "have you tried exposure therapy" or try to touch me with it or something.

[kalli]

I can't believe Dan's book is less than a month away, where does the time go?! I've been on the fence about whether or not I want to read it, but I wouldn't be surprised if the curiosity gets the best of me and I end up ordering it right before it comes out. It's definitely relevant to my life right now, given that I've finished my psychology degree and gotten diagnosed with adhd within the past month, which were both a long time coming lmao. I'm enjoying hearing everyone's perspectives on stigma and mental health journeys, and I'm interested in hearing more about that from Dan as well

In my personal experience, there is a lot of variation with mental health stigma and it sometimes shows up in unexpected places. Apparently it was recommended for 3-year-old me to be tested for "a couple things" when I had a rough start in kindergarten but my parents opted against it, and I somehow made it to adulthood without being tested for anything despite lagging behind my peers in every way except for academics. I put the pieces together myself around age 17, but didn't tell a doctor about it until I was on my own and struggling in university and with life in general at 20. My friend also went to this doctor and was diagnosed with depression by him, and he was extremely helpful with every physical health issue I had, so I figured he'd be receptive to my concerns about symptoms that aligned with adhd. Instead, he told me that treatment involves a controlled substance, requires an expensive evaluation, and if I wanted to bother I'd have to make arrangements for myself (which you actually can't do without a referral). I felt so defeated that I left school and moved in with family halfway across the country. Two years later, I finally mustered up the courage to tell a different doctor and it was probably the most vulnerable I had ever felt. Thankfully she was concerned by my lack of a sense of urgency and dysfunctional life, and was able to diagnose me on the spot. We're currently working on finding the right treatment but so far so good, it's definitely a weight off my shoulders. This seems to be a common experience for those who are afab, young adults/students, or have the primarily inattentive subtype, and I happen to fall into all of those categories so it was unfortunately to be expected. Hang in there if you're in a similar situation, and definitely get a second opinion if something doesn't seem right!!

[fioebae]

This also leads me to the question; in you guys' experience does the notion that everyone around 30 or younger have a firm grasp on the concepts of mental health actually hold true? It's been thrown around a few times in the last couple of pages that Dan's book is ultimately useless to this demographic but, thinking on my close friendship group alone (all late 20's), this really isn't my experience at all. I would say half of them are very knowledgeable on the topic of mental health, all of which have also had experiences with depression and/or anxiety, and half have very little if any.

Very this. I know what depression /IS/, and the same for anxiety. But I have zero ideas about any treatments or therapy because I don’t need to know? Unless you or a family member has had cancer have you ever researched cancer treatments in detail? Probably not. Everyone knows what cancer is and that people have chemotherapy etc, but could people who have never experienced it tell you the ins and outs? What about alternative treatments?

My mental health is luckily pretty damn good other than the occasional stressful work day when I run that stereotyped bubble bath and eat a slice of cake and genuinely feel right as rain the next morning.

I’m fascinated with reading Dan’s book because it’ll be a crash course in something that I have no idea about! It seems ideal to me as it’s touching on everything and will open a whole world of knowledge I would otherwise not know or honestly not bother to find out about unless it directly started effecting my/a friends life. This book seems like a fantastic introduction book, and in the same way that people that are fluent in French aren’t buying a beginner vocabulary book, if you already know everything about CBT and it works for you then you won’t buy this, but it doesn’t mean that some people are beginners and need a book outlining the basics. And I think this book will be the perfect solution for that

[inanerat]

I also think stigma varies a lot depending on what kind of mental health issue you're talking about. General depression and anxiety might be better understood in some cultures or circles but a lot of people still hold a lot of stigma towards other issues that are seen as more 'extreme'. Idk if Dan will touch on this much at all but in the depths of my depression I got to the point of occasional visions/hallucinations during panic attacks/breakdowns and I feel like, at least in my experience and surroundings, that kind of stuff feels a lot more taboo to talk about than depression that makes it hard to get out of bed and anxiety about answering the door (not that those things aren't also very valid and important to address).

It does seem like he will at least be talking a bit about intrusive thoughts and things like that, from the mention in the intro, which I look forward to, since his 'Evil Thoughts' video is one I relate to a lot and, while it is delivered with Dan humor, covers some of the darker, less 'socially acceptable' things that intrusive thoughts can often be, and also how you can manage to traumatize yourself with them and sit there feeling like a shell for the rest of the day 'cause you imagined some situation (painfully relatable).

Also, just typing this out has got me thinking about what Dan has said about like his trepidation about posting Daniel and Depression and things like that, and since I wasn't deep in the fandom then, were people very surprised by that video? Like the fact that Dan struggled with mental health, I can see being surprised about the openness. Because for me, as a very casual viewer pre-BIG, from Dan's videos that I had watched, I always had assumed mental health was something he struggled with, because there's threads of it in SO many of his videos (evil thoughts is just the most obvious one)that I related to a lot and understood as very similar to my own struggles, especially with depression. (Which I don't think such assumptions are really a good thing, but reflecting on it, that was definitely what I thought). I guess it's kind of the Dan way to show enough of yourself that people who relate see, and understand you without naming anything but it's hard for me to imagine after all those years people really being surprised at the fact that Dan struggled with mental health stuff.

[lefthandedism]

I'm loving everyone's insights and personal stories! I'm sure Dan would be pleased to know he's inspiring such conversation.

The thread is moving along--get your thread name suggestions in soon so we'll be ready to continue with a new thread name (for Thread 100!).

[kavat]

Also, just typing this out has got me thinking about what Dan has said about like his trepidation about posting Daniel and Depression and things like that, and since I wasn't deep in the fandom then, were people very surprised by that video? Like the fact that Dan struggled with mental health, I can see being surprised about the openness. Because for me, as a very casual viewer pre-BIG, from Dan's videos that I had watched, I always had assumed mental health was something he struggled with, because there's threads of it in SO many of his videos (evil thoughts is just the most obvious one)that I related to a lot and understood as very similar to my own struggles, especially with depression. (Which I don't think such assumptions are really a good thing, but reflecting on it, that was definitely what I thought). I guess it's kind of the Dan way to show enough of yourself that people who relate see, and understand you without naming anything but it's hard for me to imagine after all those years people really being surprised at the fact that Dan struggled with mental health stuff.

If I remember correctly, many weren't surprised that he had mental health problems, but maybe surprised about the specific things we learned in that video. That he went to therapy, was on meds, how long he's been battling it etc. As you say, there were definitely signs, like the evil thoughts video and all the "existential crisis" jokes. Because that's how he processes things and test the waters, he makes jokes about it until he (and everyone else) feel comfortable to actually talk about it. Same with his coming out, no one was surprised that he's queer but there was a lot of surprising information in BIG.

Dan was also announced as an ambassador for Young Minds right before the video, so we had a hunch of what the next video was going to be about.Here's the thread from when he posted D&D.

[alittledizzy]

Also, just typing this out has got me thinking about what Dan has said about like his trepidation about posting Daniel and Depression and things like that, and since I wasn't deep in the fandom then, were people very surprised by that video? Like the fact that Dan struggled with mental health, I can see being surprised about the openness. Because for me, as a very casual viewer pre-BIG, from Dan's videos that I had watched, I always had assumed mental health was something he struggled with, because there's threads of it in SO many of his videos (evil thoughts is just the most obvious one)that I related to a lot and understood as very similar to my own struggles, especially with depression. (Which I don't think such assumptions are really a good thing, but reflecting on it, that was definitely what I thought). I guess it's kind of the Dan way to show enough of yourself that people who relate see, and understand you without naming anything but it's hard for me to imagine after all those years people really being surprised at the fact that Dan struggled with mental health stuff.

If I remember correctly, many weren't surprised that he had mental health problems, but maybe surprised about the specific things we learned in that video. That he went to therapy, was on meds, how long he's been battling it etc. As you say, there were definitely signs, like the evil thoughts video and all the "existential crisis" jokes. Because that's how he processes things and test the waters, he makes jokes about it until he (and everyone else) feel comfortable to actually talk about it. Same with his coming out, no one was surprised that he's queer but there was a lot of surprising information in BIG.

Dan was also announced as an ambassador for Young Minds right before the video, so we had a hunch of what the next video was going to be about.Here's the thread from when he posted D&D.

This is why I love forums - being able to go back and see a time capsule like that.

Yeah, everyone definitely already had a hunch what the video was about and that Dan had depression. It was sort of the same as with sexuality where obviously assumptions are not good but also Dan had all but said it already so at a point you just have to acknowledge that this person is trying to convey this thing about them but isn't ready to say it yet, and ignoring the signals to someone that is trying to put out feelers and wants to know if they'll be accepted for this thing about them or not is equally dangerous. It was definitely a debate of the time, though.

[Catallena]

[alittledizzy]

So Dan really decided to just toy with our hearts on multiple levels today?

[noodlebum]

Hmm, I didn't get notified about Dan's tweet when I usually do, and it's not under notifications on the app or desktop either, weird. Has Twitter changed notifications for people you have turned notifications on for?

[onceinaugust]

Hmm, I didn't get notified about Dan's tweet when I usually do, and it's not under notifications on the app or desktop either, weird. Has Twitter changed notifications for people you have turned notifications on for?

Since the @ to geoguessr was the first thing in the tweet, you wouldn't get a notification unless you follow both Dan and geoguessr. It's treated as a reply instead of a regular tweet.

[madzilla84]

If anyone missed out on signed copies of Dan’s book, Waterstones (UK) now has some: https://www.waterstones.com/book/you-wi ... gn=roundup

[fioebae]

Hmm, I didn't get notified about Dan's tweet when I usually do, and it's not under notifications on the app or desktop either, weird. Has Twitter changed notifications for people you have turned notifications on for?

It's because it's an @ reply to someone you don't follow. It's only on the 'Tweets & Replies' tab of his profile, not the 'Tweets' section, and won't appear in people's timelines! If he had put a . before the username or a word first, then it would be notified/in the timeline, but starting with an @ means it isn't publicised unless you follow both accounts. It might have shown up in your timeline because a fan then replied to his tweet, but if it had been ignored by all the people you follow it won't show up. Insert The More You Know gif here lmao