Dan & Phil Part 86: here, queer & full of existential fear

[glitterintheair]

I've been rewatching so many dapg vids in the last week I think I am going crazy. Can they pleeeeease come back? In an ideal world they would upload the devan wedding ep before pride month ends but it's not gonna happen so I'll just cry over Dan referring to Dil and Tabitha as soulmates.

[Ataraxia25]

Wow thank you so much for you explanations and examples! It's so interesting!

[ravenreyes]

i love him!!
and same


edit: also, as someone who doesn't speak english as a first language the discussion about linguistics is super interesting to read!

[alittledizzy]

Aw, man. Dan's getting me in the emotional place.

[Phantasy]

Wait... so A Gay Day in the Life with Dan and Phil might actually become a reality?? No, I will not get my hopes up!
*internally squeals anyways*

[glitterintheair]

Me, a clown: Dan will never make a coming out video
Dan: makes a coming out video
Me, still a clown: I can't imagine Dan at Pride this year
Dan: goes to Pride

I'M SENSING A PATTERN HERE.

(Also can Phil say something please)

[Ataraxia25]

Fuck fuck fuck. I cant believe this. It's amazing but also I'm freaking out for him. (them?)

[liola]

I love Dan and how loud and proud he's being but am I the only one getting a bit unsettled at Phil's silence? It's starting to feel like a role reversal with Dan being so.. well, loud

[onceinaugust]

Google and the BBC both have groups marching in the parade...I wonder if Dan was invited to join either of them? Obvs they don't work for the BBC anymore, but between the past connection and him having done the interview that's going to air, I wonder if they threw an invite his way. Being in the parade is actually probably more secure for him/them than just attending it.

[Secretstanner]

Me, a clown: Dan will never make a coming out video
Dan: makes a coming out video
Me, still a clown: I can't imagine Dan at Pride this year
Dan: goes to Pride

I'M SENSING A PATTERN HERE.

(Also can Phil say something please)

Okay but same! Okay I’m looking forward to the looks they gonna serve can dan go full gay and wear that black mesh top we never got to see. Please dan I don’t ask for much I’m glad the pride in my city is the weekend before because I’d be constantly checking my phone for photos haha so anyone have a idea who he’ll be going with? Phil & bry or C&M ? Or both

[plinthofmylife]

All I can say is I love Dan and am so proud of him for all the reasons. He better be glittered and mesh topped as fuck.

[rizzo]

I'm emotionally overwhelmed. My expectations are far too high for Pride and he's told us too far in advance, so now this is going to overwhelm me for far too long.

And like, under normal circumstances, I'd remind myself that nothing different is going to happen. But like... Dan's reminding us he's gay on a daily basis and he's Going To Pride So, idk what "normal" is anymore, but the possibility of hand-holding is real and it's slowly killing me.

[alittledizzy]

It's very, very hard for me to imagine Dan being there without Phil unless he was specifically invited by a group to be on a float - and tbh even then I can't imagine Phil not being generally around.

I love Dan and how loud and proud he's being but am I the only one getting a bit unsettled at Phil's silence? It's starting to feel like a role reversal with Dan being so.. well, loud

I miss him but I don't think I'd say I feel unsettled. He's tweeted on a very regular Phil schedule and I really think he's just giving Dan room to bask in this return. I don't think Phil wants to handle sexuality in the public eye the same way Dan does, I think this is one of those areas where their very differing natures make them compatible. I expect Phil to like Dan's tweet in a few hours, and I lowkey am already picturing their pride selfie, but Phil not being vocal about sexuality things in specific right now feels very Phil to me.

[flarequake]

I’m loving the response on Twitter, good man getting us all stirred up again. There have been a few youtubers like Gary C, PetesJams, Connie Glynn/Noodlerella and Roly at pride with Barclays, just remembered that and the really old photo of Dan and Phil with Pete and Gary, and a girl I don’t recognise (took me long enough to realise that was Pete, he also grew up a lot). London pride is huge and crowded, I just went to meet friends once and getting to them took getting past a lot of people, I hope he (they?) will find it all right. Could be partnering with someone and on a float, of course.

[Ablissa]

Fuck.
1. I can't believe we're here in this timeline that I always used to say would never happen.
2. I'm so fucking proud of Dan, and I love how his happiness is so so visible. It must feel great to finally have some freedom after all these years.
3. I'm trying to keep my expectations in check for Phil being there too but I know I will be a bit ~sad if he's not there.
4. I can't wait. "Look forward to the future" finally sounds good.

[wiccamoody]

I'm just....truly at a loss for words. I'm so emotional about this!!
I think both of them will go for sure, I don't see them doing this without each other. They're much too joined at the hip lol. I would kill for a selfie tho. Like. Fuck. Aaaaand here I am getting emotional and dying again ha. It's so nice to truly see Dan living his truth and be in that phase of constantly talking about how gay he is. This timeline is so good in deppy land :')

[Philena]

So, so excited!! And I am super hopeful that not only will Phil attend, but will definitely get the joint selfie. I'm with dizzy, Phil is just giving Dan his time to shine.

[liola]

I love Dan and how loud and proud he's being but am I the only one getting a bit unsettled at Phil's silence? It's starting to feel like a role reversal with Dan being so.. well, loud

I miss him but I don't think I'd say I feel unsettled. He's tweeted on a very regular Phil schedule and I really think he's just giving Dan room to bask in this return. I don't think Phil wants to handle sexuality in the public eye the same way Dan does, I think this is one of those areas where their very differing natures make them compatible. I expect Phil to like Dan's tweet in a few hours, and I lowkey am already picturing their pride selfie, but Phil not being vocal about sexuality things in specific right now feels very Phil to me.

Oh I don't mean his silence regarding sexuality I don't think we'll really get more than his tweet on the matter (but boy do I hope) I just mean he's being quiet? Maybe it's the time since his video, or the fact that he hasn't showed his face or the general quietness of his Twitter (likes too) I just feel his absence even though I know it hasn't been that long. Maybe the fact he didn't mention filming in his last YouTube post? Idk it's a feeling

[Ablissa]

This is STARTING RIGHT NOW!
Join us in the thread and watch this beautiful trio of Dan videos to appreciate his journey and share your own.

viewtopic.php?f=52&p=108246

To celebrate Dan and share our own experiences, we're hosting a special IDB Watch Fest!

We are going to watch three of Dan's videos that truly tell a story: Daniel and Depression, Trying To Live My Truth, and Basically I'm Gay.

We want to use this fest to give people a chance to really look at Dan's journey through these three videos and relate it to their own. We welcome both commentary on the video and also any stories that you may want to share about how Dan has inspired you and helped you find your truth, or just made you feel seen and validated.
We will host it in the IDB Watch parties subforum to allow for a more dedicated place to talk than the main Dan and Phil forum.

This is going to follow our old format - we won't be using rabb.it. Instead, everyone will watch at their own pace and then come join us in the designated thread. We will start this watch fest on Friday, June 28th, at 7 PM UTC and allow it to run for the entire weekend at the very least.

Watch the videos with us, think about Dan's story, talk about it, or talk about yours. Let's appreciate Dan together and have a bit of a heart to heart.

Join us in this thread starting from Friday: viewtopic.php?f=52&t=1693 (it will remain locked until the watch fest begins)

[AltMay]

I love him ;-;

Also someone mentioned the "I don't like to go outside but i'm with you in spirit" tweet and now I'm a sobbing mess.

[Kurapika]

Hello. Yes. It me.

Quick summary of how the f I came back here after 3 years: I haven't watched D&P in 2 years I think, about 2 times a year I made a tumblr search for "phan" to see if anything was up, and obviously, nothing interesting was happening. And then 2 (this number keeps showing up wtf) days ago I was watching some youtube videos and thought to myself "Is Joey Graceffa still popular?" and searched for him. I clicked on a hour long video and scrolled to the comments to see if people still liked him (they do) and saw someone commenting about Dan posting a 45 min long video. "Is it Dan Howell?" I wondered, and searched for him. And then I saw it. "Basically I'm Gay". It was really cold, but I found myself ripping off the blankets that were covering me, and spent the nest 5 hours updating myself on my dear old Deppy. Who would've fucking guessed this would happen in 2019, uh? Certainly not me, who was on the "They will never officially come out" boat. That being said, I'm feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders lmao even if I haven't been on the "phandom" for almost 3 years.

I have a lot of opinions and thoughts about the "Basically I'm Gay" video, that I needed to share with SOMEONE, and seeing as I don't use tumblr or twitter anymore, and my girlfriend wouldn't appreciate listening to me talk about this for 3 hours, I thought I could share it with you guys!

I honestly can't tell how it never crossed my mind Dan would come out with a long ass youtube video, and thought it would be more like him to never address it properly or say it in passing some other way. I also thought Dan would come back to youtube, but would start working with something else. That being said, I was not really in touch with D&P enough to know what was happening, as I once was back in GG or when I had a fan account on twitter.

The video is very...Dan isn't it? Talking too much, going in circles at times to avoid saying things, eventually saying a thing and then making a comedic comment to lower the tension. He is very good at talking, I have to give him that credit. Saw a comment saying that he should do a Ted Talk and I tbh he'd do a good job, I believe.

"No one that knows me thinks I'm straight." vs. "I don't wanna see any responses to me talking about this like: 'No one is surprised', 'Dan we been knew.'". The last quote is making the phandom go crazy isn't it? Not surprised to see the "Must protec the babys" mentality of the phandom hasn't gone away the past couple years. Anyway, I think Dan contradicts himself a bit with these statements. Throughout the video he mentions a lot how everyone knew he wasn't straight so it wouldn't be a surprise, but at the same time he doesn't want anyone to talk about how...it isn't a surprise. Now, I agree with him when he says that if the first thing people say to him after watching this was "lmao everyone knew" it's a shit behavior and not empathetic at all, but he can't really expect that no one will discuss how we already had a billion reasons to believe he wasn't straight, right? He says it himself!

I was surprised with how much of his life he shared in the video. Surprised in terms of the content, not surprised he shared. It was nice listening to him talk about his childhood, his family, friends, about why he became "emo", his personal struggles...It helps a lot to understand who he is today. Kinda makes us feel dumb, doesn't it? How much we've talked about his life and discussed his family life like we knew shit.
The thing that surprised me the most in the video was discovering he only told his family this month. I never in a million years would've guessed that. Considering he's been with Phil for, what, 9 years now? And lived with him for 8? The fact that he couldn't bring himself to tell his family says a lot. Or does it? At this point, I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Even when I thought Dan would someday come out, I never thought he'd acknowledge his formspring answers and twitter replies. Him talking about "fyi i like vagina" was everything to me. I thought he would bury those forever and pretend it never happened, even if he talked about how he felt during those years. Pleasantly surprised!

I was also shocked when he talked about his girlfriend, and I've always genuinely thought he was bi, so automatically thought he had a good relationship with his ex, even if it ended badly. Good to see he was honest in the video about it. When Dan made very clear he didn't like her sexually or romantically, and didn't even have sex with her, I really wasn't expecting that!

Phan confirmed 2k19. Did I act like a 13yo fangirl for a few moments during this segment? ...Maybe. Couldn't help it! It's just so fucking nice to listen to Dan talk about his relationship with Phil being completely honest, it warms my heart, and it took me back to 2015 in my peak phan phase lol I'm a particularly HUGE fan of the "What me and Phil had was ours and personal", it's so sincere and heartwarming, and makes us think about how hard it must be to have your relationship be so public and being constantly afraid of fucking it up.
I see some people still have tin hats on and think they aren't dating anymore, to what I say: lol

"Queer" vs. "Gay". The whole "labels" segment of the video to me is a huge "I'm scared of saying 'I'm gay' so I'll talk about some other things to postpone it", which I guess is confirmed in the speech right before the "I'm gay" phrase finally is said.
I also laughed with Dan trying to talk about how "being a man means nothing to him" and then talking about makeup and heels as if those were the opposite of masculinity. I wish Dan would study a bit about gender abolition, I think he'd understand it, and get out a bit of his internet bubble.
I felt like Dan saying he also labels himself "queer" is a way of escaping the fact that he is gay. Plain and simple. Gay. "You want a word" he says, but really, I think he wants a word as well, and plays it like his fear of labeling himself comes from sexuality being fluid, and not from his internalized homophobia.
The moment he calms down, looks directly at the camera and is honest to us saying that yes, "the word gay scares me because that's how I've been conditioned my whole life. [...] I finally have to just confront and accept this." You can see the struggle in his face in the moments before he says "I'm gay", and it hurts a little bit. Of course he immediately follows with a joke, because Dan can't be 100% honest oh no. But I'm proud of him. As someone who also struggles with putting names on things and labeling myself, I understand him completely, and it really is fucking hard. Good job Dan.

One thing made me almost dislike the video though, but I didn't because I think it would be unfair, as I'm sure no one has taught Dan what is radical feminism, so when he says "fucking TERFs" it made me really angry, as he probably knows next to nothing about what is radfem and is talking shit for his million of subscribers. I also know a majority of his fans are probably closer to being liberal feminists, so almost no one will call him out on that. Can we stop hating women know? Can we educate ourselves before shit talking? Thanks.

"Bi" vs. "Gay". I believed he was bi, so seeing him say he is actually gay was a shock, I won't lie. Do you guys think that also scared him about coming out to us, as most of his fans seemed to think he was bi?

And then we have Phil, doing his own coming out with a tweet! Hope we can see some words coming out of his mouth soon as well.

The future is looking promising to D&P, even if this future isn't on Youtube. I'm glad I got to be alive to live this moment lol. Will I come back to following their lives regularly? Probably not, I have my own life now. But I have a 1 week vacation next week so who knows? Maybe I'll come back to post something else.

Anyway thanks bye.

[DeadlyNova]

@kurapika: wow, Kurapika reappearing after disappearing for god knows how long. Very in character of you! Really makes me feel like I'm watching HunterxHunter! (I'm sorry, totally geeked out seeing another hxh fan here and couldn't help but make a joke)

I'm so excited about Dan's pride tweet!! I hope they both go and that we get a selfie!!!

[OhItsElliott]

wowowowow the fact that dan will be at pride is absolutely blowing my mind!!! Seriously, I am so overjoyed for him and my brain is also struggling to catch up to this new reality we're living in. Like I've watched his coming out vid around 5 times now and have fallen back down the dnp rabbit hole HARD rewatching everything I can and now this news that dan is actually going to pride is too much (in the best way of course). I just love these boys so much!!!

Alright, sorry I really had to get that out. *attempts to regain composure* I would be personally surprised if phil didn't attend with dan since he did do a whole low key coming out of his own and I mean, they're them. But I guess we never know, phil might have a whole multitude of reasons that we don't know about so I will try not to get my hopes too high. Either way, I will be expecting some pride related content like a pic or instastory from dan and I can't wait. I am living in a big way for dan's adorable needs-to-remind-everyone-he's-gay-constantly phase.

I'm also gonna ride this high and hold out the smallest sliver of hope for a dab and evan wedding before the end of june. I refuse to believe they wouldn't recognize that opportunity given their coming out(s?) if the gaming channel really is destined to return. That being said, this hope is really very tiny since it's such a tight timeline, they have other commitments I'm sure and that would be A LOT of pressure to appear on camera together for the first time since the coming out, thus setting the tone for how we can expect things to look moving forward. Actually, after typing it all out, my optimism is dwindling pretty fast...

BUT! There's still vidcon, dan's bbc news blip and now pride to look forward to which I'm sure will produce some content to keep us satiated! Like a few other people have mentioned, I'm hanging on their every word and am sooo excited to see what they do next.

also hi, rejoining the discussion with a mostly useless post for the first time since our dan returned from war even though I've been lurkin the past few weeks

[Ataraxia25]

I'd give anything for a joint pride selfie.

[snoopysadie]

Wait... so A Gay Day in the Life with Dan and Phil might actually become a reality?? No, I will not get my hopes up!
*internally squeals anyways*

Me, a clown: Dan will never make a coming out video
Dan: makes a coming out video
Me, still a clown: I can't imagine Dan at Pride this year
Dan: goes to Pride

I'M SENSING A PATTERN HERE.

(Also can Phil say something please)

I'm emotionally overwhelmed. My expectations are far too high for Pride and he's told us too far in advance, so now this is going to overwhelm me for far too long.

And like, under normal circumstances, I'd remind myself that nothing different is going to happen. But like... Dan's reminding us he's gay on a daily basis and he's Going To Pride So, idk what "normal" is anymore, but the possibility of hand-holding is real and it's slowly killing me.

It's like you want me to start crying.
Also, I agree with all of the emotions about being proud of Dan and being fed like we've never been before.
The first week and a half after the video came out I kept repeating to myself and people around me "I can't believe I live in a post apocalyptic world where Dan Howell came out. It's not fucking real". I would love for so many things to happen but even after all of these mind-blowing facts I can't get my hopes up.

Also, I agree with @alittledizzy about Phil's involvement. I'm a bit concerned that all this attention on Dan's sexuality will in a way force him to talk more about it when all I've gotten from him are low-key vibes very much like his tweet. We know he has opinions, we know he's super accepting and nice and respectful, but he's not really keen on sharing them or go on a panel and discussing identity and struggling with accepting himself.
Also, let's remember that unlike Dan, Phil never said so many specific things that he then had to backtrack and deny. A lot of his old tweets are still there I think. He is not as prone to deleting the past as Dan (correct me if I'm wrong). But in a way it would make sense if they were involved that keeping it out of the public was another way of making sure Phil doesn't have to talk about it. And honestly I get why.