Coming Out To You (30 June 2019)

itasca00 · Mon Jul 01, 2019 11:09 am

itasca00 wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 10:16 am As Phil promised, the tone of this video was very low-key, but I’m struck by the fact that it was nevertheless incredibly heartfelt and personal. There were several references to and stories about some deeply painful and traumatic experiences, and I find that I come out of this video with an even deeper love and admiration for Phil than I’ve ever had before.

This video is packed with stories that pretty directly cut to the point, so I ended up just transcribing most of the video. I’m not sorry. Here are my highlights:

Before the video even starts, the first thing I notice is that the thumbnail has a picture of Phil with the word “gay” and an arrow pointing to him.

[0:00] Phil starts the video out right by taking a drink from a vase large glass and saying, “Keep it low-key.”

[0:02] Phil says that there’s something quite “big” that he’s been meaning to tell us. He reveals that he’s been dying his hair since he was 15, his hair is actually mousy brown, it goes ginger in the sun, and he prefers it to look dark.

[0:17] If the thumbnail wasn’t enough, Phil says the words “I’m gay” right off the bat.

[0:24] Phil says that part of him just wanted to make his coming out video five seconds long, and he shows himself pulling open a closet door, saying, “Hi. I’m gay,” and pulling the closet door shut again.

[0:35] Phil explains why he’s making this video:
P: But I thought it’d be nice to talk about it here because some gay people--like, most gay people--have a pretty similar story, which some people might not realize. And even if you don’t totally relate to my story, you might learn something, or change your view, or just feel like you’re not alone with something that you went through.

[0:50] Phil talks about how he realized he was gay and how he felt ashamed when he realized:
P: So I’ve known I was gay since I was about 12-ish, and I think I thirst noticed--Thirst? Thirst. I think I first--Well, it was thirst--when I was on a beach, and I saw a beautiful, hot, shirtless guy walking past me with his stunning girlfriend, and I think most of my guy friends would have been like, Wow. I wanna be him, while I was like, Wow. I wanna kiss him...wait.

P: Due to the attitudes around me in my young life, in my small, northern town, I felt a bit ashamed when I realized this, and I just thought that I’d been born wrong. And as I was starting a new school at age 12, I thought it’d be best to keep this on the DL. Just be quiet about it for now because, you know, it might be “a phase,” or I might “grow out of it.” Spoiler alert: I did not! I grew into it.

[1:45] After a brief rhyming musical interlude, Phil talks about what being gay as a teenager was like for him. Him talking about no one being interested in him romantically literally makes me want to cry.
P: So fast-forward, like, age 12 to 18. I’d just pretend to like girls when my friends were talking about them. “Wow, yeah, that side-boob. It’s really great. I wish I could see more of that specific boob.”

P: Me being a mousy brown-haired nerdy teen, no one paid that much attention to me, like, at all at school, so thankfully, my sexuality wasn’t a big issue. This helped me avoid conflict, which I appreciate, but being forced into silence and not being able to have fun or just doing all the things that my straight friends were doing made me really sad. All my friends were having first girlfriends and first kisses, and I just felt really left out and weird.

P: I even thought if I tried to be straight, it would just magically fix me, and everything would be fine. I even had some girlfriends--some...two--for a while--a while...a week each. I mean, it didn’t last very long ‘cause when it got to the kissin’, it was pretty obvious I wasn’t interested. I think my brain was just drifting toward geography homework I hadn’t done.

P: I missed out on a lot of life experiences, and I had all this guilt and shame about my big secret. And that made me really anxious and stressed, but it’s crazy because there’s nothing wrong with being gay! Yet you still feel really guilty about this secret that you’re keeping.

P: I did have a few “life experiences” with some of my straight friends because we were a group of massively hormonal teens, and we would occasionally play spin-the-bottle. So they were like, “Yeah, I’ll kiss a guy to impress the girls. Not in a gay way.” And I was like, “Yeah, totally not in a gay way. Sure.”

P: I still didn’t tell any of them, though, despite being really close friends for years and them all being super nice people. I just felt like it was such a big deal, and I didn’t know what to tell them or when or how, so I just kind of left it.

[3:25] Phil talks about what it was like starting college as a gay man:
P: So I decided moving to university would be a great time to have a life reset. Totally new town, new friends, new haircuts...most of those were a mistake. And I figured a college campus would be somewhere that would be more accepting with things like LGBT societies where I thought, Ooh. There’s others..

P: So one night after a lot of drinking, I sat down with my university housemates in the kitchen, and I just said, “I like guys.” And they were thankfully, thankfully totally cool.

P: Uni then felt like this safe bubble--something more sturdy than a bubble...a shield. And that just gave me the freedom to experiment with this new life away from my old town and everyone I knew.

[4:00] Phil talks about being outed to all of his hometown friends. He is very forgiving and understanding when telling this story, but the substance of it fills me with rage and sadness. Phil puts himself out there looking for the dates and boyfriend that he couldn’t have in highschool (and, no, it’s not lame, Phil, that you preferred romance to sex), and he’s immediately punished for it!
P: I even put myself on a dating website, and, no, I’m not talking about Grindr! I wanted to go on an actual date. Does that make me lame?

P: Until one fateful day, one of my northern friends found me on the dating site, and then they texted a screenshot of my profile to all of my friends back home. It wasn’t malicious! They didn’t think it through. They thought it’d be something fun or scandalous, but obviously, to me, it was a huge deal. It totally outed me before I was ready, and it made me so scared to go home and see these people.

P: I thought it’d be best just to explain it all at once, and thankfully, we were in the golden era of MSN, so I just added them all into a group chat and said, “Yes, it’s true. I’m gay.” Some of the guys were saying, “Yeah, as long as you don’t fancy me or anything.” And I was like, “Yeah, you wish.” And after that they were totally cool, and I was lucky to have them as friends.

[4:50] Phil talks about coming out to his family:
P: My parents kind of found out themselves around this time, uh, from the people I was hanging out with and *cough* staying the night a lot. So that saved me having to tell them, I guess, and these days, my family are accepting and generally lovely people.

[5:03] Phil talks about who he’s come out to over the years, and he talks about his experiences with homophobia:
P: And I slowly continued to come out to more people like friends, family, people I randomly work with, people I live near. I wish I could say, “Everyone’s been super accepting and lovely all the time.” But sadly, especially ten years ago, this was just not the case.

P: What I’d say to someone that encounters this is it’s not always like that forever. In the same way that I was ashamed of being gay as a teen, some people have been taught for various reasons that being gay is bad too. But if these people know you and care about you, they can hopefully change their beliefs. You can try and educate them and explain it because especially old people have some totally misguided views.

P: But if it’s more than that and it’s emotional to them, I think it can be more about time because the world is gradually becoming a better place, and with that, people are gradually becoming more accepting. So people might react badly at first, but that’s because we’re all victims of this cultural brainwashing that puts these feelings in our heads.

P: In my experience, they can come around, but if they can’t, unfortunately, there might not be room for them in your life until they can. Because it’s not something you should put up with, and it’s part of who you are. And there’s nothing wrong with it.

[6:01] Phil talks about how coming out is a lifelong process and how he’s been pretty open about being gay since he was a student:
P: It’s funny, though. You never stop coming out to people because it’s not like you do it once and then everyone knows, and it’s no big deal.

P: Every time I make a connection with someone new, I’ll have to come out at some point. I mean, it’s not always relevant, but sometimes you’ve got to slide it into conversation. “No, I don’t think I’ll settle down with a nice girl one day, lady in the shop.”

P: It feels weird that I need to keep doing this as someone that’s been pretty open since I was a student, but that’s the world we live in.

[6:24] Phil talks about how he’s private and how his content is not going to change going forward:
P: This channel for me over the last ten years has been about being creative or entertaining people, rather than sharing my personal life. I’m not gonna be a daily vlogger anytime soon and broadcast myself washing my underwear to millions of people.

[6:38] Phil again touches on why he’s decided to make a coming out video:
P: But now I do feel like it’s important to share that I’m gay because hopefully my story will help some of you. And representation is important. I think teen Phil would have liked it if he could see someone on the internet that was just like him.

[6:58] After an interlude where Phil acts out telling the postman that he’s gay, Phil concludes with a few scathing and then a few uplifting words:
P: So there we go! I’m gay. It’s great. I’m happy, and hopefully you’re happy for me too. If not, I hope you have a think about why you want a fellow human to be unhappy and not true to who they are and if that is a healthy mindset to have. *in a stage whisper* It doesn’t make much sense. It’s okay to be gay.

P: And anyone watching this that is worried about their sexuality or is not out yet or is scared, I would say: Don’t worry. There’s no rush. The world is clearly becoming a much better place very quickly. I mean, there’s still issues, but I think the future is bright. So stay hopeful. There are people out there for you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now, it will get better.

[7:44] There is no end screen.

In the video description, there is only a single merch link (to the global AmazingPhil Shop), and it is listed with Phil’s social media links.