Dan & Phil Part 87: post coming out universe

[snoopysadie]

I finally finished all those tricky midterms (it's Winter where I live) and I also finished reading all that I missed.

Phil is king of making “accidental” (some probably are) innuendos and playing it off as innocent. Him being asexual definitely crossed my mind when I first started watching them, but Dan has said many times that Phil isn’t innocent, “if we only knew” and that he’s a bad influence (not just meat-fluence).

I know everyone is tired of bed discourse, but since we have a newbie...

I think it’s hilarious that most people in our corner of fandom accept that Phil sleeps on the left and Dan on the right (the opposite of how they sit on camera). There’s so much evidence of this. Keep in mind that not only were Dan and Phil trying to keep the romantic/sexual side of their relationship secret/private from us, but also Dan’s family. They’re bedrooms also functioned as their video backgrounds, places they could express their individual aesthetics. Dan’s bedrooms in the past have had desks with computers for both drafting and editing, whereas at least one of Phil’s room has had a tv. Also it’s great to have your own space to retreat to or an extra bed to sleep in if you get on different schedules or one person is sick (though they probably don’t bother because they appear to have never had qualms about germs shared between them).

Also since your newish you probably aren’t aware that Phil’s bedroom in his videos from spring of 2017 to winter 2018 was just a filming set in a flat with all the other rooms they film in (gaming room which was the largest bedroom, Dan’s video space and the kitchen they bake in). The last Sleepless Night With Phil is super duper staged. Dan’s bedroom/the master/the moon room that only occasionally showed up in skits or vloggy vids like Week in the Life is in their living flat and while that does have a second bedroom we’ve never seen more than a headboard and duvet in a 3 sec part of one of Phil’s videos after he gave up filming on a bed. And no it is not remotely possible that they live separately. They spend all their time together in that living flat, every Instagram story comes from there. The upstairs is just one open space, plus a bathroom. So unless they do retreat to a bedroom they are always in the same space. Annyyywhooo.

You are most welcome here, sorry folks seemed to go from defensive to curious about the fresh blood lol. But seriously don’t be afraid to ask any questions.

Ha! I went to answer a phone call and the conversation has moved on to bread. I just would want a nice variety of breads and to have some sweet butter and herbal butter in addition to the plain. ^ god I love that video.

I just wanna reply to this to say that I find it so funny that it was in the beginning of 2017 I got really REALLY deep into the phandom and I knew that Phil's room was TOO small but I never gave it much thought, even if I knew it made no sense. I think it's okay that some people watch the content and don't go further than that in their thinking, that's mostly what I did (and when I had a meltdown because I didn't understand their relationship but was too scared to post my opinions online I would send one of my friends 8833 voice notes on WhatsApp - I don't know how she didn't unfriend me, she's not even a casual viewer).

Anyway, this is kind of an unpopular opinion and I understand where all of you come from but I just wanna voice it so the discussion will have some heterogeneity and to bring back a thing that is still relevant outside of this forum:

I think there are so many hints in those videos and from "your" POV (meaning collecting posts and responses made in the previous thread and this one too I think) it makes perfect sense that dnp are still in a committed relationship and most likely never stopped being. It would be so annoying that after having lived pretty much as one collective person for the past 3 years, being inseparable, moving together 3 times in 8 years and basically implying they would get a dog when they bought the house and COMING OUT TOGETHER (which I still can't believe happened) people would still doubt it. I can imagine them being like "I said COMPANIONS THROUGH LIFE AND SOULMATES- I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN SOULS, PHIL".

bUT

I think it's important to remember that a huge part of the phandom is still terrified of offending them and really doesn't want to hurt them. Even if there are people who are saying they came out to gain more fame and populatity , the first group are probably all up for dnp "canonically" being together but as it has been mentioned before, there is still a big-ass trace of self-policing within the phandom.

I wanted to point this out because I understand it's irritating to see people calling them friends, I prefer to call them soulmates because I feel it's more accurate (and still decide not to have a definite opinion on the topic of together or not because I feel like it isn't my place to assume ANYTHING, even as obvious as it is, the inner guilt is too strong)

Also, welcome @GalaxyDarling.


ps: that picture ruins the post but I can't write that comment without somehow acknowledging how fucking ridiculous it is

[cheekyc]

New here too! Long-term lurker.
Can we have a complete FAQ page for the bed situation? It might be helpful to brand new users in the future!

[alittledizzy]

New here too! Long-term lurker.
Can we have a complete FAQ page for the bed situation? It might be helpful to brand new users in the future!

We might just do a miscellaneous 'common theories' page! If anyone else has anything that would also fit that, please let me know.

[cheekyc]

New here too! Long-term lurker.
Can we have a complete FAQ page for the bed situation? It might be helpful to brand new users in the future!

We might just do a miscellaneous 'common theories' page! If anyone else has anything that would also fit that, please let me know.

That would be so helpful!!

[tipofmemory]

anyone have a screenshot of that time phil said he’d rather give up alcohol than sex?

wait i dont! if someone has this handy will you post it?

Here:

[maelstrom]

New here too! Long-term lurker.
Can we have a complete FAQ page for the bed situation? It might be helpful to brand new users in the future!

We might just do a miscellaneous 'common theories' page! If anyone else has anything that would also fit that, please let me know.

the two flats theory could go there as well!

[AltMay]

New here too! Long-term lurker.
Can we have a complete FAQ page for the bed situation? It might be helpful to brand new users in the future!

We might just do a miscellaneous 'common theories' page! If anyone else has anything that would also fit that, please let me know.

Oooh! That sounds amazing actually.

Sorry for the off topic but I've been meaning to ask you lot, i haven't been getting all the notifs for the latest deppy tweets. it's weird cause i got some of them (like i got phil's video one and subsequent dan tweet but not the candle or today's bread one) and since i'm not really savvy on how it works i wonder if it happened to anyone else or is it just me?

[smolgalaxychild]

Hi! Another consistent lurker finally posting for the first time. I don't have anything super valuable to contribute rn I don't think, but I know myself and if I don't break the ice in my own head now I might never post, so hey, try new things! Hopefully now it'll be easier for me to speak up if I think of something more interesting to say ^_^

[socksparadox]

Sorry for the off topic but I've been meaning to ask you lot, i haven't been getting all the notifs for the latest deppy tweets. it's weird cause i got some of them (like i got phil's video one and subsequent dan tweet but not the candle or today's bread one) and since i'm not really savvy on how it works i wonder if it happened to anyone else or is it just me?

I've been getting notifications for everything.

Welcome @smolgalaxychild!

[karma_yeah]

Hi all -- just stopping by for a quick hello and add my cheers and sentiments of joy at their coming out. I went in to self-imposed exile several months ago due to lack of content and was in shock when my daughter told me about Dan's video. At first I really thought it was a joke or fake video of some kind and didn't watch it until the day Phil put his out.

I was so captivated by Dan's story. It was articulate and well-crafted, and I love his sarcastic humor. When it was over and I minimized it, I saw the thumbnail for Phil's over to the side. And even though I had just watched Dan's and he acknowledged his relationship with Phil, my first thought again was -- oh that's fake.

But I clicked on it, and it was another delight Dan's was very Dan, Phil's was very Phil, and they reminded me of just how much I enjoyed their videos, (and IDB I've enjoyed reading everyone's comments!)

I have to admit I also felt a sense of relief. I thought they were a couple from the first video I saw. But the years of attempts at deflection/deception made me have second thoughts every now and then, and honestly bugged me even though they had EVERY right to handle their private lives their own way.

More importantly, I hope it was a relief for them to finally be free of the burden of hiding who they were. It takes sooo much energy to have to live in fear of being exposed. My hope is that they can redirect all that energy into (drumroll) . . . CONTENT!! MORE VIDEOS PLEASE

(. . . Sooooo ready to return from exile island . . .)

[woopdada]

If you want a really good dose of their 'natural voices' make sure you listen to the commentary they did for the Interactive Introverts dvd. It's definitely in my top ten list of Dan and Phil content from last year.

You just reminded me that I have never actually gotten around to listen to the commentary. I did now (yay procrastination) and that really was A+ content. Just made me think again how much I would want them to have a podcast so I could just listen to them chat for an hour.

[Cricket]

Is there a way to listen to the commentary track without having the dvd? I wasn’t even lurking back around when the dvd came out but before that I’d been wondering if there would be. But if there was I missed that discussion completely

[uwu]

Is there a way to listen to the commentary track without having the dvd? I wasn’t even lurking back around when the dvd came out but before that I’d been wondering if there would be. But if there was I missed that discussion completely

it's on youtube here

[Cricket]

Is there a way to listen to the commentary track without having the dvd? I wasn’t even lurking back around when the dvd came out but before that I’d been wondering if there would be. But if there was I missed that discussion completely

it's on youtube here

Thank you! I figured it was somewhere but I’d forgotten to even look until I saw talk of it in the thread.

[OhItsElliott]

Is there a way to listen to the commentary track without having the dvd? I wasn’t even lurking back around when the dvd came out but before that I’d been wondering if there would be. But if there was I missed that discussion completely

it's on youtube here

This is so great, thanks for sharing! I realized I never actually watched the dvd or the commentary since I went to the physical show and then hiatus happened and I forgot... oops ... But ever since dan's BIG I've been binging all their old videos and thirsting over any new content so now I have something actually new(ish) to quench that thirst and I'm super jazzed about it! Still can't wait for the first post coming out universe joint video though please let it be something on the gaming channel I'm not losing hope

[poweroftriangles]

Thanks autumnhearth for the bed and flat explanation! Consolidated the bits and pieces I'd picked up, pre-joining IDB.

+1 to the common theories FAQ page idea, I think it'll be super useful for newbies (and there seem to be many! i love it!). I think bed stuff should also include, for completeness, the seriously weird TATINOF rock-paper-scissors bunker situation and all hotel room info we have.

And yes, I'm not a girl and I am over 18.

[sarty]

Regarding the hotel and tourbus bedding situation: I feel sad thinking about it. Since Dan was not out, think of all the time they had to spend apart and all the extra money they had to spend on hotel rooms. I mean, maybe it is different for guys, but as a female identifying person, I've slept in the same bed as a female friend before (non sexual) and its nbd. To think that they had to make this huge deal out of having not just separate beds in the same hotel room, but different rooms on different floors? Wow.

[wells.kai]

okay okay okay...

so i posted a bit on the previous thread and ive basically just found out about IDB after having been a self proclaimed phannie since 2015 (found dnp casually in 2012)...

a couple things though... about the beds i have no doubt that there was some staging done and while in most situations it does seem plausible im wondering specifically about the ditl australia??? unless phil maybe used martyns room or something idk it really seemed like two different rooms to me...

another thing (forgive me for being stupid) but what does deppy mean? im guessing its dnp considering context but im wondering what it means and where it came from?

i LOVE this thread name

a recommendation based on phils tweet; all you can eat fresh bread and butter does exist and its splendid! East Side Marios in Canada is one of my all time favs and k actually just went last night technically (its 306am for me whoops) to celebrate my bday...

SIDENOTE: im seriously really sorry for my overuse of these smilies but I LOVE THEM

[poweroftriangles]

...Since Dan was not out...

I don't think it was the case that Dan was not out and Phil was. Surely the tour staff etc didn't all think "this is Phil, a gay man, and his heterosexual best friend Dan who is joined to him at the hip and neither have dated anyone else for years. Yes these are the stars of our show, platonic BFFs forever!"

I guess everyone either knew everything or nothing. Phil was out to his family, close friends, (mailmen?) etc but their relationship and sexuality was probably concealed from people who would be concerned with hotel bookings.

another thing (forgive me for being stupid) but what does deppy mean? im guessing its dnp considering context but im wondering what it means and where it came from?

It's here in the FAQ! viewtopic.php?f=32&t=580

[wells.kai]

...Since Dan was not out...

I don't think it was the case that Dan was not out and Phil was. Surely the tour staff etc didn't all think "this is Phil, a gay man, and his heterosexual best friend Dan who is joined to him at the hip and neither have dated anyone else for years. Yes these are the stars of our show, platonic BFFs forever!"

I guess everyone either knew everything or nothing. Phil was out to his family, close friends, (mailmen?) etc but their relationship and sexuality was probably concealed from people who would be concerned with hotel bookings.

another thing (forgive me for being stupid) but what does deppy mean? im guessing its dnp considering context but im wondering what it means and where it came from?

It's here in the FAQ! viewtopic.php?f=32&t=580

thank you very much! figured it was some sort of nick name for dnp...

[wiccamoody]

...Since Dan was not out...

I don't think it was the case that Dan was not out and Phil was. Surely the tour staff etc didn't all think "this is Phil, a gay man, and his heterosexual best friend Dan who is joined to him at the hip and neither have dated anyone else for years. Yes these are the stars of our show, platonic BFFs forever!"

I guess everyone either knew everything or nothing. Phil was out to his family, close friends, (mailmen?) etc but their relationship and sexuality was probably concealed from people who would be concerned with hotel bookings.

Yeah tbh I always thought the double room thing was just an automatic assumption from whoever was booking, and if it wasnt them booking anything directly and they got a shared room then it was just out of convenience.

Also, slightly veering away, idk how much this has been talked about (I'm loving how fast the threads are moving but it does mean my sieve brain blends things together lol) but I took Phil's comment about being out to the mailman and peopme at the shop as a joke? Like him hinting to a woman in the shop that he "won't be settling down with a nice girl" is one of those things I can relate to as a queer person where you just kind of slide in your own comfort level with people, but I think the mailman thing was definitely a joke. The loudest, proudest out people still have their nuances regarding coming out; I don't like the narrative that Phil felt held back by Dan (the guy got outed too!! More than once! Thankfully I havent seen much of that commentary here) and I don't like the idea that being out to everyone actually means everyone. It shouldnt be taken so literally imo.

[wells.kai]

...Since Dan was not out...

I don't think it was the case that Dan was not out and Phil was. Surely the tour staff etc didn't all think "this is Phil, a gay man, and his heterosexual best friend Dan who is joined to him at the hip and neither have dated anyone else for years. Yes these are the stars of our show, platonic BFFs forever!"

I guess everyone either knew everything or nothing. Phil was out to his family, close friends, (mailmen?) etc but their relationship and sexuality was probably concealed from people who would be concerned with hotel bookings.

Yeah tbh I always thought the double room thing was just an automatic assumption from whoever was booking, and if it wasnt them booking anything directly and they got a shared room then it was just out of convenience.

Also, slightly veering away, idk how much this has been talked about (I'm loving how fast the threads are moving but it does mean my sieve brain blends things together lol) but I took Phil's comment about being out to the mailman and peopme at the shop as a joke? Like him hinting to a woman in the shop that he "won't be settling down with a nice girl" is one of those things I can relate to as a queer person where you just kind of slide in your own comfort level with people, but I think the mailman thing was definitely a joke. The loudest, proudest out people still have their nuances regarding coming out; I don't like the narrative that Phil felt held back by Dan (the guy got outed too!! More than once! Thankfully I havent seen much of that commentary here) and I don't like the idea that being out to everyone actually means everyone. It shouldnt be taken so literally imo.

TOTALLY!

long story short im struggling with being out and people accepting my identity atm and telling me im not valid

deppy’s vids have really made me step back and remember that i shouldn’t let people not respect me idk if that makes sense but phils mail person joke was amazing because its the kind of jokes i love to make as well (i have asd so i dont do many jokes well i
either)

long story short i am filled with quite a bit of self hatred (more than usual), wishing i could go back into the closet and putting it as dan said “essentially homophobic (lgbtq+phobic) of myself” atm

[GalaxyDarling]

I am so happy that both of the guys came out as their true selves. It is still needed after all, since apparently you are deemed at most bisexual no matter how much you imply you like the same sex, unless you explicitly state otherwise. That's the heteronormativity of this world that you have to like the opposite sex by default, even if you show exclusive interest in the same sex. As a fellow gay guy, I'm happy that people like them are representing my group there. Most of the gays I look up to are a bit older than in their 20s, so this is important in that sense of having younger gays with integrity out there.

[poweroftriangles]

I agree that the mailman thing was probably a joke and an exaggeration. I think both videos were peppered with jokes (insert edited John Mulaney gif: "I will pepper in a joke about being gay") and we're not sure how seriously to take them given how unexpected this whole thing was.
Even Dan's "DMs" joke, I think, was more of a "now that I've talked about my sexuality" - a close-bracket to his "Are we gonna fuck?" thing at the beginning. After all, the video was about his sexuality, not his relationship with Phil, and this joke was not intended to be a death-knell for it.

One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?

[sarty]

...Since Dan was not out...

I don't think it was the case that Dan was not out and Phil was. Surely the tour staff etc didn't all think "this is Phil, a gay man, and his heterosexual best friend Dan who is joined to him at the hip and neither have dated anyone else for years. Yes these are the stars of our show, platonic BFFs forever!"

I guess everyone either knew everything or nothing. Phil was out to his family, close friends, (mailmen?) etc but their relationship and sexuality was probably concealed from people who would be concerned with hotel bookings.

another thing (forgive me for being stupid) but what does deppy mean? im guessing its dnp considering context but im wondering what it means and where it came from?

It's here in the FAQ! viewtopic.php?f=32&t=580

Ah, Yikes! I didn't mean it that way and I wrote it wrong. I meant to say that since they were both not out to the crew and Dan was not out to his family. I need to proof read better, sorry!