.
, not for self-pity, but for him having to hide his gayness so deep inside him, that he had to joke about getting roofied. A very dark thing to do.
. Maybe this coming out helps to alleviate his depression.
Completely the same for me. I'm from England so there's definitely currently a lot of queer representation, but growing up in the 90s I barely saw any lesbians or bi women in the media or in my personal life. I fall under the camp of deep repression and compulsory heterosexuality until I met actual queer people at uni, and it was a series of realisations ever since then (only realised I was totally gay after I had my first girlfriend at 23.)poweroftriangles wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:32 am One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?
I don’t quite feel the same way... they didn’t always have separate rooms and occasionally having a separate room might have not had anything to do with them trying to mask their relationship. The stress of traveling months on end and being in close quarters 24/7 can be hard on any type of relationship, so getting an occasional extra room so you don’t have to wait for the bathroom to be free, can play Guild Wars until 4am while someone else is trying to sleep, or just stretch out in a larger bed after being crammed in busses and airplanes for days on end... besides, with large tour like that, they were getting bulk hotel rates already and an extra room wouldn’t have made a dent budget wise.sarty wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:55 am Regarding the hotel and tourbus bedding situation: I feel sad thinking about it. Since Dan was not out, think of all the time they had to spend apart and all the extra money they had to spend on hotel rooms. I mean, maybe it is different for guys, but as a female identifying person, I've slept in the same bed as a female friend before (non sexual) and its nbd. To think that they had to make this huge deal out of having not just separate beds in the same hotel room, but different rooms on different floors? Wow.
I was thinking about how categorical the unrequiting is if that one you fall for is exclusively straight. Then again it kinda hurts the most if someone really specifically doesn't like you, so for that you are right.flarequake wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 10:26 am Falling for anyone in an unrequited crush is just as painful for anyone.
I didn't relate with that particular bit either... I sort of always knew I was a lesbian deep down but I very much ignored it for as long as I could since my fam would have been 100% kicked out of the house.poweroftriangles wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:32 am One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?
Yeah, I can definitely relate to this. I didn't know what gay/lesbian (not including other identities/sexual preferences cause i came to learn them later on) was until i was like 14. And even then, the misrepresentation (cause it's not like the idea of someone being gay wasn't there, but it was terribly and offensively portrayed) in media as well as the precarious het sex-ed we got at school (and no internet access at the time) was an awful cocktail of misunderstanding and denying how i felt. I even had a girlfriend at 17 and still thought i was straight. It's hilarious to me now but it was really bad.poweroftriangles wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:32 am One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?
I kept putting off listening to this because I thought I would buy the DVD. But it's been months now, so since it's been posted today (thank you!!) I've been listening to it at work and on my lunch and it is WONDERFUL. I have always been firmly Team Podcast, but right now more than ever I want nothing more than hour-long, bi-monthly, unfiltered banter between them for my listening pleasure. Give it to me, boys!uwu wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:07 amit's on youtube hereCricket wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 2:37 am Is there a way to listen to the commentary track without having the dvd? I wasn’t even lurking back around when the dvd came out but before that I’d been wondering if there would be. But if there was I missed that discussion completely
Wow I feel you, I feel the same. I don't really know what i'm afraid of but i'm a little bit on edge about saturday! I guess, like you said, it's the fear of the unknown.madzilla84 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 10:44 am I’m weirdly nervous for Saturday? Like a fear of the unknown, I guess; we don’t know whether Phil is going and I wonder about what sort of things will end up being shared. I’d say I hope Dan has a wonderful time but I’m certain he will.
Meanwhile I’ll be at home having four heart attacks at the same time every time I get a notification on my phone.
hmm. i had had an feeling for maybe a year that whatever i was, i wasn’t straight (my formless blob stage, if you will). then when i was 15 a group of us were hanging out at someone’s house and i was hit with a very strong desire to kiss my very pretty friend who was sitting next to me. so i already had some idea, and i did take a while afterwards to properly sort through how i felt and start calling myself gay. but there was a moment that really confirmed things for me.poweroftriangles wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:32 am One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?
I think my 'awakening' actually happened much more similarly to Dan's - there was a point around 12 or 13 where I was swimming with a childhood friend who was a few years older than me and it kind of slammed into me that I really wanted to sit there and stare at her body. But I also was not mentally prepared to accept being actually a lesbian so I identified as bi for a solid decade after that before I was forced to acknowledge that my capacity to feel for men was just not the same as for women. It wasn't the 'oh, I really like and want to look at girls at the time and maybe kiss one' I struggled with - just not wanting to accept that I didn't want that with guys.AltMay wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 12:09 pmYeah, I can definitely relate to this. I didn't know what gay/lesbian (not including other identities/sexual preferences cause i came to learn them later on) was until i was like 14. And even then, the misrepresentation (cause it's not like the idea of someone being gay wasn't there, but it was terribly and offensively portrayed) in media as well as the precarious het sex-ed we got at school (and no internet access at the time) was an awful cocktail of misunderstanding and denying how i felt. I even had a girlfriend at 17 and still thought i was straight. It's hilarious to me now but it was really bad.poweroftriangles wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:32 am One interesting commonality is that both of their realisations that they were gay came down to a Single Moment - Dan's deskmate and Phil's Beach Boy. This is one rare bit I did not relate to at all, my journey was more of cumulative repressed attraction over the years that took a while for me to reconcile with. (To be fair, I live in a "third-world" nation where LGBT people are largely absent from mainstream media/discourse etc so I didn't even let myself consider the possibility for the longest time.) I wonder if this is true of others on this forum?
Re: bed discours. i also wanted to point out that in the hong kong video even though they are in separate beds *kinda pushed together ehem* phil's still on the left and dan on the right.
I try to remember that excitement and anxiousness/nerves feel very similar and sometimes it's hard to differentiate. My body is telling me to be nervous but I'm trying to convince myself that I'm just excited for what may come.Ataraxia25 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 12:59 pmWow I feel you, I feel the same. I don't really know what i'm afraid of but i'm a little bit on edge about saturday! I guess, like you said, it's the fear of the unknown.madzilla84 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 10:44 am I’m weirdly nervous for Saturday? Like a fear of the unknown, I guess; we don’t know whether Phil is going and I wonder about what sort of things will end up being shared. I’d say I hope Dan has a wonderful time but I’m certain he will.
Meanwhile I’ll be at home having four heart attacks at the same time every time I get a notification on my phone.
me too tbh, i never anticipated them explicitly acknowledging anything and then dan went and dropped 45 whole minutes going into more detail than i would ever have imagined.masterofgeometry wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:44 pm Gosh, long time lurker, first time poster here, deppy coming out still doesn't feel real to me
omg that's so cute, also congrats on making it through what sounds like some horrible few years at school xxplinthofmylife wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:11 pm Ohhh! Queer awakening moments! Both DNP stating theirs made me think about mine (crap this is a long post):If you read this far, the end of the story is that when I was 18 I ended up hooking up with the (now very out gay) girl that I had my first crush on.
I had a similar thing happen, except that I was seventeen, it was my best friend that I'd trusted to know my online identity that outed me (by printing my blog entries off and giving them to someone at my high school, which she didn't even attend) and I live in the very homophobic US deep south. My only saving grace is that it was my senior year of high school already so I only had about six months of pure suffering and open hostility to make it through. Word does indeed travel fast. Walking into my senior english class and seeing my teacher reading my blog along with some students is still one of my top ten life trauma moments.plinthofmylife wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:11 pm I was outed at the age of 14 (on a kinda unfortunately national level within the homophobic sport I was in; as well as online) and my life kinda became a living hell for the next 3 years until I left school. I made the same mistake as Dan thinking I could be out online and to long-distance friends without other people finding out. Word travels fast.
Same here! I got outed in high school too. I confided in someone I considered a friend that I had a crush on a girl in our year (which was my first ever crush on a girl, too). We got into some kind of silly argument literally like, the next day, and she told everyone I was gay. I live in a small, very religious town in a rural area, so you can imagine that went over great. Within no time, the whole school knew about it. Luckily, no physical violence ever happened, but ho boy it wasn't fun walking through those hallways every day with everyone lined up against the walls, shouting at me. There was also some shouting outside of school, when groups of students gathered and I happened to be nearby. In the end, I just ended up even more socially isolated than I already was, until I graduated and moved away.alittledizzy wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:21 pmI had a similar thing happen, except that I was seventeen, it was my best friend that I'd trusted to know my online identity that outed me (by printing my blog entries off and giving them to someone at my high school, which she didn't even attend) and I live in the very homophobic US deep south. My only saving grace is that it was my senior year of high school already so I only had about six months of pure suffering and open hostility to make it through. Word does indeed travel fast. Walking into my senior english class and seeing my teacher reading my blog along with some students is still one of my top ten life trauma moments.plinthofmylife wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:11 pm I was outed at the age of 14 (on a kinda unfortunately national level within the homophobic sport I was in; as well as online) and my life kinda became a living hell for the next 3 years until I left school. I made the same mistake as Dan thinking I could be out online and to long-distance friends without other people finding out. Word travels fast.
My high school experiences, while not the same as Dan's on the level of physical violence in bullying (I got threats but no one ever followed through) are a lot of why his video resonated so hard with me. I can't imagine having had to deal with what that six months of my life on such a larger scale like he did. It's a different kind of thing altogether I think, but even just the taste of it I had makes my heart ache for him and makes me proud of who he is now.
wait...is that..not?? universally agreed??bluecaterpillar wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:04 pm also, big generalisation here which is not directed at anyone in particular- i suspect there’s a difference between gay men and women here in that it’s harder for women to recognise that what they feel for other women is more than friendship. since the media etc focuses so much on women’s appearances, whether particular women look attractive etc, and also normalises girls being platonically intimate with each other to a much greater extent than boys. growing up i just assumed that it was a universally agreed upon truth that women are more attractive than men.
(putting this in my mental 'I might be gayer than I thought' list, which is growing a lot lately lmao)Even I agree that women on average are prettier to look at than men, and I actually prefer guys who are somewhat feminine appearing.citizen_erased wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:54 pm wait...is that..not?? universally agreed??
is my first, too! Hoping to see them both 