Dan & Phil Part 87: post coming out universe

Our two favourite full time internet nerds who never go outside!
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dontpanic
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We all know Phil was there in a fursuit obviously

I can't get over how sweet Dan was with all the fans he ran into... he's a peach that boy. also it turns out lil nas x was there today and I'm so sad they didn't meet

knq wrote: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:50 pm
@GalaxyDarling Other people's bodies are for more than your aesthetic viewing pleasure. No one can 'ruin' their body with a tattoo.
tell that to the spongebob tat on my butt I got when I was 19 and high af :lol:

edit: ah yes, this is 100% the post that deserves to be on the top of the page
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Philena
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dontpanic wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:07 am We all know Phil was there in a fursuit obviously

I can't get over how sweet Dan was with all the fans he ran into... he's a peach that boy. also it turns out lil nas x was there today and I'm so sad they didn't meet

knq wrote: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:50 pm
@GalaxyDarling Other people's bodies are for more than your aesthetic viewing pleasure. No one can 'ruin' their body with a tattoo.
tell that to the spongebob tat on my butt I got when I was 19 and high af :lol:

edit: ah yes, this is 100% the post that deserves to be on the top of the page
Absolutely that was 100% the top of the page content I needed. Thank you :rofl:

Also, I'm not going to lie, I am a bit bummed about no Phil, but Dan more than made up for any unwarranted negative feelings I may have. He is such a good egg :prideheart2:
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knq
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Philena wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:16 am
dontpanic wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:07 am We all know Phil was there in a fursuit obviously

I can't get over how sweet Dan was with all the fans he ran into... he's a peach that boy. also it turns out lil nas x was there today and I'm so sad they didn't meet

knq wrote: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:50 pm
@GalaxyDarling Other people's bodies are for more than your aesthetic viewing pleasure. No one can 'ruin' their body with a tattoo.
tell that to the spongebob tat on my butt I got when I was 19 and high af :lol:

edit: ah yes, this is 100% the post that deserves to be on the top of the page
Absolutely that was 100% the top of the page content I needed. Thank you :rofl:

Also, I'm not going to lie, I am a bit bummed about no Phil, but Dan more than made up for any unwarranted negative feelings I may have. He is such a good egg :prideheart2:
lol! It’s the curse of the page change.

I’m at least as happy for all the queer people in the phandom as I am for Dan. I love seeing him spreading his happiness to everyone who looks up to him or grew up in the queer community he and Phil, intentionally or not, created. He could have walked in that parade and waved and I’d have been proud of him. Instead he went up to people, pointed them out, took photos, told them he was proud of them. He’s a good dad.

“So proud of my followers what a bunch of legends tbh”

:happytears:
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captainspacecoat
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I can see where people are coming from re: Phil. It's an unfortunate byproduct of their joint branding that Dan and Phil will always be compared. But also, people are within their rights to question Phil's continued, historical lack of public support for social causes in comparison to Dan. Of course it's possible that he quietly donates to charities and doesn't feel the need to publicise that, but I understand why people have more respect for Dan's more vocal approach. As wealthy white cis men, I would argue that they do have an obligation to publicly throw their support behind those less privileged members of the LGBT community (ie. black people, trans people, poor people, disabled people, those who belong to multiple of those categories etc). Dan did that today, Phil did not. We joke about capitalester, but in today's political climate I completely understand why people who are NOT wealthy white men are wary. It's okay to be critical.

However, ultimately Phil had no obligation to attend Pride. There are so many reasons he may not have, and attending Pride does not equal "being a good gay person" or whatever. His coming out was always about being lowkey, and I think that's indicative of his approach to his sexuality in general. I don't doubt that he's proud of being gay, but maybe the nature of Pride events doesn't particularly appeal to him, and that's okay. I hope others reading this forum don't feel bad for not attending Pride, regardless of whether they're out or not. I've never been to a Pride event, and while part of me would love to another part of me feels too overwhelmed by it. There should be no shame either way.

Mostly I'm just so happy for Dan. I'm so glad he felt loved and welcome and appreciated and free, and it's been incredibly touching to see him interact with fans in such a fond, loving, appreciative way. Especially after the past few weeks, where there's been such vitriol for Dan and Phil's viewers and a generalisation of us all as invasive and the direct cause of Dan's trauma. Him saying he's proud of us is so lovely, and I hope he had the best day ever. It also makes me super happy to know that he chose to march with such amazing charities rather than any corporation. Someone earlier mentioned Youtube's official presence at Pride, and I'm glad Dan chose not to march with them since Youtube has been notoriously homophobic in recent years.

My heart is genuinely just bursting with happiness for Dan :prideheart2: :prideheart2: :prideheart2:
blahblahblah8
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I don’t think anyone, public figure or not, has any obligation to be an activist. Ethics are not all or nothing. You can be a good person without marching against or tweeting about injustices. Day to day activism like just discussing something with friends can be just as effective as protests. I think Phil shows support for social issues by spreading positivity and kindness in a community that’s diverse in race, gender, lgtbq, etc. There’s nothing wrong with having a platform and choosing to use just for lighthearted entertainment. I think he’s doing no wrong until he hurts someone or spreads negativity. (Sorry this isn’t a response to anyone in particular, just something on my mind while I’m catching up on everything today)
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It’s funny, I always thought one of the main reasons they wouldn’t ever come out was because of the pressure of forcibly becoming spokespeople for a whole entire movement/group of people and the pressure of people having very specific and personal expectations of how to support the community that they would then resent dip and dot for not fulfilling... Us queer folks are really good at taking other peoples’ public queerness very personally.

Aaaanyway, happy pride to my favourite silly boys, I’m so proud! Glad it seems like Dan had such a positive, personal experience after all the crap he went through :prideflag: :gayaf:
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Hi!! Sorry for not really contributing to the topic, but I am literally SCREAMING right now cause I just noticed that the little Dan doll in the background of Dan's instastory about glueing sequins on his shirt is the homemade doll I gave them last year when they were in Brazil.
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I just feel so happy! I was fine with them just having them in storage, cause it still would've been worth it, but to know they've kept them around is just really heartwarming (I'm assuming they're not splitting up the pair and Phil's is off sitting somewhere else lmao)
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rainbowcheesecake wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:14 am I just feel so happy! I was fine with them just having them in storage, cause it still would've been worth it, but to know they've kept them around is just really heartwarming (I'm assuming they're not splitting up the pair and Phil's is off sitting somewhere else lmao)
Omg those are absolutely adorable and your picture with them is so precious!! Congrats!!!! I’m so happy for you. :love2:
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plinthofmylife
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You put so much care into those! they are adorable. And I am so happy to know they are fan made and not just merch.
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GalaxyDarling wrote: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:40 pm Random, but I love how Daniel does not have any tattoos. Some cute guys have ruined their bodies with excessive tattoos i.e. Justin Bieber, lol. Just my opinion though.
i am not cute, nor am i a guy, but i have totally ruined my body with excessive tattoos. i like it this way though.
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I just really need to address this because I was looking back in the chat and I need to talk about this...

first above all i need to say to phanfckingtasic i am very sorry to hear about your boyfriend and i hope everything works out truly. :love1:

i do need to say some things about what was said on privileged queer people. firstly i dont think privileged queer people exist because somewhere in the world anyone who is queer may be repressed, in danger, killed, uncomfortable or any other bad thing that could happen. this being said, in context of somewhere like pride i would also consider myself a privileged queer person. i am very lucky to have a loving family, live in the safest region with the lowest crime rates in Canada and just for the most part be accepted. that being said ive desperately wanted to go to Toronto pride for years (i live about an hour train ride from toronto)... i couldnt go to pride and i cant go to pride because of other disadvantages i have... while i live in a good neighbourhood, have a loving community around me, along with being white and on the most part quite physically healthy, my brain prevents me from doing many things. i think we should just keep in mind that as dan says in his video Daniel and Depression, the biggest issue with mental illness is it cannot be seen. so while i totally 100% understand your point of view i think as i posted earlier we cant assume that phil didnt go to pride or didnt post anything or whatever until we get actual answers directly from deppy.

again im really sorry to hear about your boyfriend phanfckingtastic and while i am not religious i will keep him in my thoughts and wish for the best for both of you.

please anyone if im out of line let me know im working on social skills and its hard...
Sincerely,
Your full time internet homo :gayaf:
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kavat
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I was busy all day yesterday and only able to keep up slightly with what was happening, but oh boy what a day Dan had! He looked so happy and so proud, and I loved all of the pictures with fans. To know that he seems to feel the support the community wants to give him means everything to me.

If 19 year old Dan only knew :happytears:
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Just wanted to put my five cents in and say that I would find it unbearably frustrating to go to pride with my partner and not be able to show affection. I know they're probably very used to it by now, but for me a huge part of the joy of pride is getting to be physically affectionate with my girlfriend in public without feeling embarrassment or anxiety or fear. If dnp had interacted in any way at pride they would be under enormous scrutiny and the gifs/videos would be circulating for months (and may even be picked up by mainstream news outlets). Both of them have made it very clear that they want to keep who they are dating private, so there is no way they could even have touched without fearing that they have confirmed something everyone is already speculating. Just being at pride together would have been confirmation for a lot of people. The idea of finally going to pride, after years and years of being in the closet, and STILL not being able to touch your partner in any way would be horrible. For me that's more than enough of a reason for them not to go together.
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kavat wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:45 am If 19 year old Dan only knew :happytears:
It's quite amazing to look back and see how he went from "bisexual" to "I can't sit with you" to "sexually ambiguous nerd" and finally "I'm gay". :wavingflag:
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poweroftriangles
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Phil has generally always been less political than Dan (remember that whole thing when he said he found Moonlight boring?) so like. If I expected one of them to go to pride and work with Stonewall UK etc, it would be Dan. It would have been nice to see Phil though, no doubt.
Of course no one owes anyone activism (or presence at a crowded event), least of all someone newly out to his followers for a week, and trying to be private about his relationship status. However, if Phil were to grow more vocal about such things, that would always be most welcome. Let's see! This past month has been nothing but surprises.
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They might both attend something else Pride related, but maybe with other friends/Martyn+Cornelia, so less about them as a couple and more a group activity?
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I thought about it a lot yesterday while I was there (I was marching, prob about an hour behind Dan), and it actually made a lot of sense in some ways that Phil wasn't there.

I was sad about it, but I think if Phil had been there it would have drawn attention to the are they/aren't they conversation, and sort of defeats the purpose of the message they've been trying to get across. Both of them have said repeatedly over the years that they are separate people, with separate lives - they don't want to be seen as a double act/joined at the hip.

I'm hopeful one day they'll feel comfortable to talk about it more, because it's just as important having role models in healthy, loving relationships as it is to have role models that are proud and open about their sexuality.

But this time round, particularly, I think I can definitely understand why Phil decided against going.
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Looks like Phil has woken from his 24hr coma and changed his header.
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000dia000
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There you go.
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actualsoulmates
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I really hope Phil hadn't read any overtly negative comments about him not attending pride. I'm sure he has his reasons, and I agree with what's been said - if he went, the focus wouldn't have been on him and Dan attending as individuals who just came out.
:prideheart2: once in twenty lifetimes :biheart:
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Catallena
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Phil not providing us with a reason as to why he wasn't there further makes it clear that it is literally none of our business. I hope he had a great day anyway by being there in spirit and listening to all of Dan's stories about the magical day he had at his first Pride :wavingflag:

Can I just say that it's nice to see some new faces on the forum? Welcome my lovelies :love2:
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Underneath the rationalization, the crux I get from the responses is basically a) don’t bum me out while I celebrate Dan & b) don’t make me feel bad I can’t go to pride myself.

But this had NOTHING to do with any of you or anybody reading the forum.
It was strictly about Phil.
He has so much privilege I’d put him into the top 10% of the world population, or maybe even less.
That’s how not regular he is. All these excuses... and why did he tweet nothing until today? Not even a scheduled tweet for yesterday? And now he tweets, it’s 50% vaguely about “the community” 50% about him. Not even “I couldn’t”. Just “I didn’t”.

We LGBTQ+ are here today because of those who marched, made noise, stood up, filed lawsuits, fought tirelessly literally risking their lives.
He can live his comfy gay life today and afford the luxury to stay safe at home during pride thanks to those people. And the ones who keep the fight going today, who go out and do.
I’m not going to sit here and make up (or accept) fantasy excuses on behalf of a privileged guy who chooses not to engage publicly even from his couch. I have every right not to respect that choice and to demand better from a public figure.

I find it ridiculous you get more offended because you feel called out (which you weren’t) than because someone refuses to spend 10 minutes at a parade or fucking tweet on the day itself. The bar is pretty low, it’s not a massive activism feat just to make a simple timely statement.
A video of Dan describing their relationship is much worse for their “privacy” than showing up for literally a few photos or posting on social media so spare me the phan worship bullshit, please.

Maybe if they hadn’t released merch on the back of his and dan’s videos getting a surge of attention, I’d think better about his coming out video, but as he has, I do not.
I know Phil has good intentions, but he’s a grown ass man and he’s a famous person who belongs to a minority at risk, whether he likes it or not. If he extends this childish character he inhabits to every public aspect of his life to stay immaculate sterile and avoid getting involved in queer issues even at the most basic level, it’s a tremendous waste of influence and reach.
eternal dan and phil mood -> :happytears:
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In my humble opinion, Phil doesn't owe anything to anyone. Like other forum members have said, going to Pride doesn't make or break your queerness.

We don't know what's going on behind the scenes. He could be sick, needs to take care of some things, visits a family member, or has social anxiety. It's not up to two men who just came out to fight unfairness. Honestly I think people will never be satisfied, no matter how hard you tried to fulfill all the expectations.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm running high on emotions right now.
Almost married PJ. we broke up tho
-Philip Michael Lester, 2008
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phanfckingtastic wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:25 pm
Underneath the rationalization, the crux I get from the responses is basically a) don’t bum me out while I celebrate Dan & b) don’t make me feel bad I can’t go to pride myself.

But this had NOTHING to do with any of you or anybody reading the forum.
It was strictly about Phil.
He has so much privilege I’d put him into the top 10% of the world population, or maybe even less.
That’s how not regular he is. All these excuses... and why did he tweet nothing until today? Not even a scheduled tweet for yesterday? And now he tweets, it’s 50% vaguely about “the community” 50% about him. Not even “I couldn’t”. Just “I didn’t”.

We LGBTQ+ are here today because of those who marched, made noise, stood up, filed lawsuits, fought tirelessly literally risking their lives.
He can live his comfy gay life today and afford the luxury to stay safe at home during pride thanks to those people. And the ones who keep the fight going today, who go out and do.
I’m not going to sit here and make up (or accept) fantasy excuses on behalf of a privileged guy who chooses not to engage publicly even from his couch. I have every right not to respect that choice and to demand better from a public figure.

I find it ridiculous you get more offended because you feel called out (which you weren’t) than because someone refuses to spend 10 minutes at a parade or fucking tweet on the day itself. The bar is pretty low, it’s not a massive activism feat just to make a simple timely statement.
A video of Dan describing their relationship is much worse for their “privacy” than showing up for literally a few photos or posting on social media so spare me the phan worship bullshit, please.

Maybe if they hadn’t released merch on the back of his and dan’s videos getting a surge of attention, I’d think better about his coming out video, but as he has, I do not.
I know Phil has good intentions, but he’s a grown ass man and he’s a famous person who belongs to a minority at risk, whether he likes it or not. If he extends this childish character he inhabits to every public aspect of his life to stay immaculate sterile and avoid getting involved in queer issues even at the most basic level, it’s a tremendous waste of influence and reach.
You're free to hold that opinion as passionately as you want, but framing it as an objective statement does not make it one.

You can't tell another gay person what the right way to be gay is. Even if they're rich. Even if they have influence.

You can be disappointed on a personal level, but your unilateral declaration of what is a 'waste' is simply untrue. No one gets to decide that about another human being. In my opinion it's unfair and reductive of the good someone does to place the bar higher than it was before suddenly because they chose to come out publicly.
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phanfckingtastic wrote: Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:25 pm Underneath the rationalization, the crux I get from the responses is basically a) don’t bum me out while I celebrate Dan & b) don’t make me feel bad I can’t go to pride myself.


We LGBTQ+ are here today because of those who marched, made noise, stood up, filed lawsuits, fought tirelessly literally risking their lives.
He can live his comfy gay life today and afford the luxury to stay safe at home during pride thanks to those people. And the ones who keep the fight going today, who go out and do.
I’m not going to sit here and make up (or accept) fantasy excuses on behalf of a privileged guy who chooses not to engage publicly even from his couch. I have every right not to respect that choice and to demand better from a public figure.
I hate to make this my first reply on a forum but I do think that while you have a good point for discussion, most of your arguments are unclear at best. As a bisexual woman with mental health issues living in India, I would say that I'm not the most privileged people in the queer community. But it's not as if being gay is this magical video game where the more privilege you have, the more quests you automatically have to do to make up for it. I don't think he's making excuses at all. As you said, he's a grown man, capable of making his own decisions, and he made the decision to not attend a singe pride event literal days after he came out publicly.

As someone who has a very small queer community in their city, it does make me feel happy to organize pride movie nights or fairs or parties. But the point of pride isn't JUST to attend every meeting as if you're collecting tokens from AA. You go to meet people in your own community, to express yourself, have fun. If people have some sort of obligation to go then it's not really pride anymore, is it?

I get what you're trying to say, I really do, I live in the kind of society that promotes anti-gay pills on national TV. Sometimes I get so angry at people across the world who "have it easier than me". But you're drawing conclusions about a person you don't actually know.
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