Dan & Phil Part 93: Fomosexual

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knq
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I think they will adopt a cat accidentally.

You may be thinking ‘but Phil is allergic to cats’ and you would be correct. This is excellent, because Phil loves everything he is allergic to.

Dan will find a new avenue of self-deprecation by telling everyone how lazy the cat is while also over-identifying with the cat.

And Norman will finally get a lid for his tank. :betta:
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I think Phil will have 2 videos per month at least and 3 liveshows per month on average.

Dan will maybe post one (1) video on his channel to promote his project and that is already a stretch in my book, I can 100% see him not posting anything at all and I wouldn't be surprised.

That VR place looks so interesting and cool, and seeing them on double dates with martyn and Cornelia always makes me :happytears: but one thing I though yesterday is there when Dan is the only one out of the four of them to not even acknowledge the outing when everyone else posted or reposted pics just makes it an even more glaring thing that he's just..deciding not to. He absolutely 100% does not want to share his own pic or opinion about it even though we know he was there and I don't know how that makes me feel exactly. I guess resigned
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It does scream as weird when Dan's the only 1 out of 4 to not acknowledge something. Guess he's just using social media less in general at the moment?

I think 2020 will have 15 videos by Phil, 37 liveshows, 2 with Dan's voice, one with Dan on camera (optimistic?).
And 2 Dan videos (I mean, that's also optimistic let's face it), as well as a .new project that'll come to light this half of the year.
And.... some kind of joint venture (very optimistic, but there we go) :ribena:
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I expect 2/3 vids per month from Phil and a liveshow every week ‘till December and maaaaybe one vid with Dan’s voice in the background.

I also expect zero videos from Dan; not sure at this point why I should care about the projects of someone I do not know anything about anymore, but whateeeeever, I can’t even bring myself to be upset, it’s just a waste of time.
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I miss Dan, I’ve had a few, thankfully short-lived, lows where I’ve really felt it, otherwise filling the void by rewatching videos. A month spent lying down with the internet for company while a sacroiliac joint slowly unjams over the course of many visits to the chiropractor can do that. Anyway, I don’t know what Dan has said that makes any return to youtube likely, much as I’d love him to if he wants to. In June it seemed possible, but months of quiet again and :shrug: I still love him, but I’m sad he’s gone the way of everyone else I knew who went silent.
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I don't understand Dan's online presence (or lack thereof) at all anymore. (Nothing to do with Youtube, or his project, or anything else he may or may not be working on.) I noticed he didn't post anything about last night's outing too, though the other three all did. And he didn't look desperately keen to be in the photo. I recall him saying he didn't want to post stories unless he was out doing something interesting, which I can understand, and he posted a bunch of stuff from France and Japan last year, but then just - stopped. He didn't post anything from the Star Wars premiere, the IOM (which I know is sort of a family holiday but that didn't stop him in France or on previous visits to IOM), or from the VR bar, or indeed anything else at all except the twigs concert (Xmas and new year notwithstanding - I couldn't quite believe it when he posted those honestly).

He seems to have made a conscious choice to mostly step away, and if that's the case then good for him, but I wish he'd just have dropped a quick message to say peace out or whatever so we weren't left wondering forever. (And worrying; I know a lot of folks were really worried about him early last year when he just went radio silent.) And I know he hasn't cut it out of his life entirely because he likes tweets and insta pics all the time. There's no reason to be this silent just because he's working on a project or video or whatever, unless that is the project, or he's made the separate decision to step back.

(Disclaimer: I know social media can be complicated and A Lot, especially if you have millions of followers, and I support anyone stepping away for the sake of their mental health any time; but when people with a large following do that they usually say something, they don't just - disappear.) I was thinking recently about his stories last year about going to see Rocketman and getting coke floats, or getting Norman; I can hardly imagine him sharing something like that now. I wonder what changed, and I wish he would tell us so I can stop wondering if he's ever "coming back". (I don't think so personally, but then he pulls things like his 'back from the dead' merch...)

And yeah, I know sometimes you just don't feel like sharing even if you're doing cool stuff, but it’s been quite a long time now. Obviously I only want him to post stuff that he *wants* to post, no one should feel obliged, but I liked feeling like he wanted to share some of his life or thoughts (or even stupid memes) with us, which it would seem he doesn't any more. It's like glitterintheair said above, I don't know anything about him any more, and that makes me really sad.

If he's decided he wants to live his life mostly away from the internet for a while, or even forever, having been in the spotlight since he was 18, then fair enough! But I wish he'd say so. I just want closure, lol. When he said 'you can all fuck off and leave me alone' at the end of BIG he really meant it, huh?

tl;dr I miss him.
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alittledizzy
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I don't think he views it as stepping away but as getting some distance. I don't think he wants to entirely disconnect. He just doesn't want to report in daily. I think he feels like using instagram stories, using twitter, just when he feels like it is fine and should be allowed. And... I agree. I don't think I need closure on anything because when he's ready to have something to say, he'll say it. I also think he is - as he always has - viewing something Phil posts of both of them as both of them sharing it. They almost never both post about the same event. Dan posted ig stories last week on NYE and Phil posted the pic of them tonight. I feel like that's not a worst case scenario there.

Selfishly I want to know his inner thoughts and fears and dreams and music reviews and daily peeks into their life via ig stories. Okay, not the music reviews, I genuinely just don't care. But the rest - yeah. On a personal level. I do want it. And I'm making sure I say so no one thinks I'm telling people they can't or shouldn't feel how they feel. You can. My feeling for Dan doesn't negate that. I can empathize with Dan and also empathize with fans that are upset or frustrated at the same time.

So here's the Dan empathy: I feel deeply, deeply relieved for him. Because he is someone who has had an unhealthy, manipulative, guilt-drenched, mentally harmful relationship with social media since the age of 18. He never got a chance to develop into an adult without the internet following his every step and constantly checking him, praising him, berating him, arguing with him, making him both a villain and a saint at the same time. I'm glad that now as an adult he's realizing that it's possible and alright for him to do that, not out of avoidance of us for one particular issue, not because he's fully immersed in one work project, but as a general rule of life - no matter how much we hate it. I feel like in the past two years he has grown so much as an independent person that doesn't base every decision in his life on what our reaction will be or out of fear of us. And so has Phil! I enjoy more what he shares now knowing that he's in a better place, that he doesn't feel like his life is in stasis because of all the things he's too scared to admit - than I did when Dan was doing agitated obviously anxious liveshows and regularly lashing out at us. I'm happy for him and proud of him if social media is now something he can comfortable use when he wants to use and close out of when he needs to close out of.
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I personally pointed out the not posting thing today because it just came into such a stark contrast with literally everyone else reposting the same exact pic Phil posted, and also being something that looked and sounded like a very Dan thing. It made the not posting way more noticeable.

I'm at the point where I don't expect Dan to post on his social media, and on a personal level i completely understand it especially with the way the world is right now. Of course, I will get pissy when he picks it back up right before he has an announcement to make, upping his social game right before 10x compared to now. But hey, i'm a pissy person and no one is suprised here!

Like I said, I don't expect anything at this point, I'm resigned to the state of things. Sometimes I'm just surprised by how deliberate it is, though, that's all, especially when he used to be so vocally proud of talking to his audience and sharing things. Ah well
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Yeah, that’s essentially what I meant when I said I understood and was happy for him if he’s decided to change his relationship with it. Makes sense, and it’s a great time to do it. But I’m also mourning the loss of the connection we had with him now he’s moved on (seemingly) from all of that. Which I’m sure *is* better for him and obviously isn’t as important as his happiness; but I’ll always miss feeling like I knew him, I guess.

(Side note, re music: he’s now privated his Spotify, if anyone ever looked at that to see what he listened to. :( )
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I feel so fed up thanks to hormones right now and I’d still just like the closure of something said, no matter how much I understand, it still hurts. He did say something at some point, but we’re still here waiting and wondering when he’ll come back with something without an actual word to definitively say one thing or another, and mostly it feels like being left to guess. After months we started to get it and by now I guess we know, but it was the saddest, most hurtful way to do it.
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A few days ago, I wanted to ask if people thought Dan has maybe resolved to not tweet in 2020, but... didn't want to spoil the mood. That question still stands though. I wonder what goals/resolutions he's decided on in 2020. What will his social media use be like? His work? His breaks? Will he run the marathon or any race for that matter (maybe start smaller at a 10k)? My mind races with thoughts for Dan tbh.

Also this paragraph really encompasses my thoughts on the issue of Dan generally right now:
alittledizzy wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:44 pm So here's the Dan empathy: I feel deeply, deeply relieved for him. Because he is someone who has had an unhealthy, manipulative, guilt-drenched, mentally harmful relationship with social media since the age of 18. He never got a chance to develop into an adult without the internet following his every step and constantly checking him, praising him, berating him, arguing with him, making him both a villain and a saint at the same time. I'm glad that now as an adult he's realizing that it's possible and alright for him to do that, not out of avoidance of us for one particular issue, not because he's fully immersed in one work project, but as a general rule of life - no matter how much we hate it. I feel like in the past two years he has grown so much as an independent person that doesn't base every decision in his life on what our reaction will be or out of fear of us. And so has Phil! I enjoy more what he shares now knowing that he's in a better place, that he doesn't feel like his life is in stasis because of all the things he's too scared to admit - than I did when Dan was doing agitated obviously anxious liveshows and regularly lashing out at us. I'm happy for him and proud of him if social media is now something he can comfortable use when he wants to use and close out of when he needs to close out of.
As a shameless Dannie, I struggle almost daily (way to be dramatic, amirite?) with his absence.

But I also understand him. I understand him wanting to step away from social media and get away from reporting on everything he does. And we can claim that this is his job until the cows come home, but whether we like to admit it or not, his job is unique and unhealthy. Nobody should have to report on what they're doing constantly. Everyone should be allowed to walk away and do things for themselves and themselves alone and also to take the time to learn that lesson and what it means. Him telling us he's stepping away from... telling us things... the irony there is almost laughable.

I mean just look at last year, when he vaguely alluded to his marathon with that "montage" insta story? And that didn't work out. Now apply that to everything he does in life. That every time he makes a decision or mentions something, he's haunted by it, reminded of it, bugged about it. That's no way to live. Him saying "hey guys, I'm taking a social media break", means that if he so much as retweets something, he's gonna get at least 50 "0mG I thought you were taking a BREAK!!!111 p0st a VIDEO!" responses.

So anyway. I'm sad and I'll probably post a conflicting thought one day out of anger and frustration, but I get it. I miss the guy and hope that the new year means... some kind of content. But I'm also trying really hard to come to terms with that not being the case, because the disappointment is a hard fall for me.
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I think he went private because people were upset about him liking a Justin Bieber Tweet and listening to Kanye because he also unliked that tweet this morning. Good for him for avoiding drama I guess

As for his career - I gave up too much time and energy worrying about it in 2019 so I’m just going to enjoy Phil this year and If dan decides to show up maybe I’ll enjoy his content too
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I’m anticipating about the same amount of content from both Dan and Phil this year as last. I think Phil will post a few videos a month on average and fairly regular liveshows with a couple breaks for holidays. I think Dan might post a video to advertise his new project (which I’m guessing is something to purchase and thus will need advertising) but otherwise won’t post any videos or liveshows. I’m looking forward to another year with Phil.

Also- I also wondered if maybe he has decided to not tweet in 2020 haha. But I don’t think that’s entirely possible because I’m assuming he’s going to have something to advertise at some point whether it’s his own project or a merch sale at the end of the year or whatever. So I think he will tweet occasionally - essentially just like last year.
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I think we'll get like 22 Phil videos this year and Dan is gonna post one (1) thing to sell us whatever his damn project is and people will be mad about it. Haven't decided yet whether I will be among them. Sorry not sorry in advance, but it is gonna look bad when he starts talking to us again to sell us something.

People taking a step back from social media is healthy or whatever, although honestly aside from tour Instastories the times where Dan posted on social media daily-ish are so far behind us I don't understand why it'd be A Thing now. This is the man who ghosted us for most of the first half of 2019. Anyway, if that's what he's doing I would've appreciated some ~communication~ but at this point talking to brick wall would be more effective on that front. John Green stopped using social media last year and announced and talked about. Simply Nailogical is taking a step back from weekly YouTube uploads, but she announced it and talked about her reasons. I just don't understand why Dan doesn't do that. Why he can't talk to us. No amount of empathy I'm willing to throw his way can explain it to me.

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I can only think it’s so he didn’t have to deal with the response which, again, I can empathise, but it still isn’t a great feeling.
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If he wants to step away, that's fine. I agree with everything dizzy said above. But if he leaves without even some communication about leaving, I don't want him back when he has something to sell to me. That sounds harsh but it's just how I feel. If he needs space away from the spotlight and from social media, good for him. That's healthy. I understand. But I don't want his big secret project then. I can't support someone who won't even tell his fans he's going to be gone for a while.

And yes, this would be a 100% different if he'd just dropped a tweet letting us know he was taking a break. It's not the break taking I'm upset about, not at all, it's the way he did it. Just disappearing, leaving his fans to wonder where he's gotten to. It's mean. He needs to set boundaries and he needs breaks and that's all cool. But just disappearing when he feels like it without even a word to the people who support him - that's just mean. My Dan prediction for this year is that he'll stay silent until the project is ready and then expect us to love it after months of unexplained silence.
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Hey, look at this:
Nice rec! :daddy:
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Katka wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:59 pm If he wants to step away, that's fine. I agree with everything dizzy said above. But if he leaves without even some communication about leaving, I don't want him back when he has something to sell to me. That sounds harsh but it's just how I feel. If he needs space away from the spotlight and from social media, good for him. That's healthy. I understand. But I don't want his big secret project then. I can't support someone who won't even tell his fans he's going to be gone for a while.

And yes, this would be a 100% different if he'd just dropped a tweet letting us know he was taking a break. It's not the break taking I'm upset about, not at all, it's the way he did it. Just disappearing, leaving his fans to wonder where he's gotten to. It's mean. He needs to set boundaries and he needs breaks and that's all cool. But just disappearing when he feels like it without even a word to the people who support him - that's just mean. My Dan prediction for this year is that he'll stay silent until the project is ready and then expect us to love it after months of unexplained silence.
I think it's the thing rizzo said. Announcing a break is also locking himself into something that fans will be upset about or hound him over. If he said he was taking a step back, any time he resurfaced people be putting a lot of emphasis and expectation on that. Using social media casually - which I see him as doing now, since he did post last week, he shared Colin pictures over Christmas, he shared his music recs, he's liking phanart on tumblr in the past few days, he's liking tweets on twitter constantly - means he can take or leave it as he wants. I see no sign he's actually left, just that he's not obligating himself to daily or even weekly posting. I think the same about Phil but people don't react as drastically to Phil because he's got other stuff going on too, which makes sense. But Phil also goes much longer between tweets now sometimes.
lefthandedism wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:59 pm Hey, look at this:
Nice rec! :daddy:
If he really loved me he'd post an ig story review. :D
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The difference with Phil is that when it comes to his solo content he does communicate with us. He’s kept us updated with YouTube stories and worked when he was in Japan and at his parents. When he said he was going to take a break in DML2 he didn’t disappear and then he told us that he was back and he stuck to his word.

I think Dan said some really pretty words in the mukbang and his tumblr post but I assumed that his back from the dead merch, talk of future conversations, and secret project all meant he was back. He hasn’t said anything else to us so I’m holding him to what he’s said and not what I think he feels.
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Amiaw wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:43 pm The difference with Phil is that when it comes to his solo content he does communicate with us. He’s kept us updated with YouTube stories and worked when he was in Japan and at his parents. When he said he was going to take a break in DML2 he didn’t disappear and then he told us that he was back and he stuck to his word.
Yeah, that's why I said it makes sense that people aren't as bothered by Phil. I just mean that it seems like both of them have resolved to use social media in a healthier and less all-consuming way.
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It's unfair to say that people don't react the same to Phil though, because it's impossible to react the same, Phil is talking to us and engaging to us weekly in the form of an actual live show, and he's posted IG stories and tweet as well, like even yesterday.

I don't personally see Dan using his own social media privately as a way that he's not left - I don't believe for one second that he's actually withdrawing from the online world, he's too involved into it and if he's not on Twitter then he's probably on Reddit, but he's not using those platforms with his audience, and that is the main difference to me. Good for him if he is using his socials less, but is he, really, because it might not be it, this ia just what we see, and it feels that way even more so because he stopped interacting with us

Dan has "left" a year ago when he stopped interacting with us for 6 months and then came back sporadically, oftentimes in the wake of a merch drop, so again, I'm not surprised that it will continue this year but it makes me sad. And i can't help but feel on the edge of being pushed down a cliff again if he comes back right before a project drop, because there's a difference between coming and going when you want to have your audience financial power (yes I know this hasn't happened, but given that nothing is happening with him and he doesn't communicate, I only have recent history to base my hypotheses)
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The lack of telling us he was stepping back along with the waiting for whenever ‘soon’ will be that he can share his new project, they overshadow the fact that he returned in June and posts sometimes because, for me at least, part of me is still waiting to be told something, even when I remind myself that this is it, and why was I ever waiting for an explanation anyway. I thought I didn’t mind, but then just now my hormones hit and a year after ‘nothing else is changing’ we’re still waiting. I didn’t even notice he was the only one to not post about the VR place, I just generally miss him.

I need to try Phil’s hot chocolate, it’s still sitting around here somewhere. I haven’t been upright long enough to bother.
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liola wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:47 pm It's unfair to say that people don't react the same to Phil though, because it's impossible to react the same, Phil is talking to us and engaging to us weekly in the form of an actual live show, and he's posted IG stories and tweet as well, like even yesterday.
Yeah, that's exactly what I meant when I said that people don't react the same because Phil has stuff going on elsewhere. That's... exactly what my post said.
alittledizzy wrote:I think the same about Phil but people don't react as drastically to Phil because he's got other stuff going on too, which makes sense. But Phil also goes much longer between tweets now sometimes.
My point was not a Dan vs Phil thing and had nothing to do with audience reception so much as pointing out that because they're both doing it, I feel like some conversations about healthy social media use happened between them.
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alittledizzy wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:51 pm
liola wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:47 pm It's unfair to say that people don't react the same to Phil though, because it's impossible to react the same, Phil is talking to us and engaging to us weekly in the form of an actual live show, and he's posted IG stories and tweet as well, like even yesterday.
Yeah, that's exactly what I meant when I said that people don't react the same because Phil has stuff going on elsewhere. That's... exactly what my post said.
alittledizzy wrote:I think the same about Phil but people don't react as drastically to Phil because he's got other stuff going on too, which makes sense. But Phil also goes much longer between tweets now sometimes.
My point was not a Dan vs Phil thing and had nothing to do with audience reception so much as pointing out that because they're both doing it, I feel like some conversations about healthy social media use happened between them.
I see what you mean now, I misinterpreted your post earlier, my bad!

It could be, although to be honest before II Phil in particular had a much loose schedule with tweets and neither of them used IG stories, and I guess because of the liveshows I don't even notice if Phil doesn't tweet for a few days etc. Quantity and quality overlapping in this case.

I want to point out that my earlier post highlighting Dan not posting wasn't meant to cause pitch fork parade against him, it was more like a note than anything else. I'm honestly tired of being upset with him, and I'm really trying not to be. Coincidentally though, I find myself caring less, which also makes me sad :shrug:
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