Dan & Phil Part 100: full-time internet homowners

[fruitcriminals]

So I'm guessing he either thinks there's no way that uncle will read it or he's not concerned about hurt feelings there either.

Since it seems relevant, one of the questions he answered on the audiobook was about his fave part of the book and the part that scared him to share. In relation to the scared part he said (will put under a cut just in case but it's 1 line)

- "there’s that part where I’m like, am I going to offend someone? I can’t think about that, i’ve got a job to do."

[shan]

So Dan wants the book to go to people even outside the phandom and he has made the book thinking of them, yet I wonder how many pp outside of it won't think as my friend just said, when I mentioned a famous Youtuber I follow has written a mental health book of tips "did he study psychology?" and was not that convinced when I added that he had written it w the help of a 'professional'.

I think when you present it as "a famous Youtuber wrote a book about mental health" then it's gonna be met with more skepticism than if a random person who doesn't know Dan stumbles upon this book. So there is potential for outsiders to finds this and like it. Also, I'm sure there are plenty mental health books and articles out there that people eat up despite not having a shred of research behind them.

For sure, especially when you think about the type of youtubers usually trending on social media. Without knowing him or his previous work in this area, it’d be easy to discount him as part of that culture.

I also think it’s so important not to take away the value of people sharing their story when it comes to struggles with mental health. Qualified psychologists can obviously provide the theoretical knowledge but not all of them have experienced serious mental health issues personally. There’s a lot of books on the shelf already that do one or the other (and many are very questionable) but I truely think Dan has done everything right to do this topic justice and this book seems to be the best of both perspectives.

[alittledizzy]

So Dan wants the book to go to people even outside the phandom and he has made the book thinking of them, yet I wonder how many pp outside of it won't think as my friend just said, when I mentioned a famous Youtuber I follow has written a mental health book of tips "did he study psychology?" and was not that convinced when I added that he had written it w the help of a 'professional'.

I think when you present it as "a famous Youtuber wrote a book about mental health" then it's gonna be met with more skepticism than if a random person who doesn't know Dan stumbles upon this book. So there is potential for outsiders to finds this and like it. Also, I'm sure there are plenty mental health books and articles out there that people eat up despite not having a shred of research behind them.

For sure, especially when you think about the type of youtubers usually trending on social media. Without knowing him or his previous work in this area, it’d be easy to discount him as part of that culture.

I also think it’s so important not to take away the value of people sharing their story when it comes to struggles with mental health. Qualified psychologists can obviously provide the theoretical knowledge but not all of them have experienced serious mental health issues personally. There’s a lot of books on the shelf already that do one or the other (and many are very questionable) but I truely think Dan has done everything right to do this topic justice and this book seems to be the best of both perspectives.

When I was telling a friend about it I think I phrased it like, someone I like and follow online wrote a science-led book on mental health and I'm actually excited to read it. I definitely agree saying "a youtuber I like wrote a book" will get immediate eyerolls just because of that 2013-2015 deluge in Youtuber books that happened once publishing companies realized there was money in it. I think Dan genuinely wants this to not feel like a part of that so I'm probably going to take his lead in telling people about it, and I also think that anyone who is getting the Dan story for the first time in the opening pages of that book will understand his perspective a lot better without that preconceived judgement.

[aurulent]

As the topic of Dan's family was brought up on the previous page....

I've noticed that he always speaks about his father in past tense - do we know if his dad is still alive? Especially the way he spoke about him in his book, it really stuck out to me.

(Btw, hi. Long time lurker here who finally decided to make an account).

[fruitcriminals]

Hey Aurulent I get what you mean about past tense, maybe he doesn't speak to him these days?

Talking of dad's Dan's insta story has loads of yellow heart gifs for the aesthetic.

And then one random one that says happy father's day

[shan]

As the topic of Dan's family was brought up on the previous page....

I've noticed that he always speaks about his father in past tense - do we know if his dad is still alive? Especially the way he spoke about him in his book, it really stuck out to me.

(Btw, hi. Long time lurker here who finally decided to make an account).

I don’t remember exactly where but I’m sure he mentioned his dad in an interview recently? Only for a second about his response to BIG but it was jarring because he doesn’t really ever talk about him.

[alittledizzy]

[Phantasy]

As the topic of Dan's family was brought up on the previous page....

I've noticed that he always speaks about his father in past tense - do we know if his dad is still alive? Especially the way he spoke about him in his book, it really stuck out to me.

(Btw, hi. Long time lurker here who finally decided to make an account).

I don’t remember exactly where but I’m sure he mentioned his dad in an interview recently? Only for a second about his response to BIG but it was jarring because he doesn’t really ever talk about him.

Don’t want to get too gossipy, but…

I suspect his parents are divorced/ separated. I don’t have any information that isn’t public, but he was removed/resigned as director from the company Karen runs a few years back according to UK business filing records. Given that context if true seems to fit with Dan’s silence on the subject of all things dad (especially in the present sense).

[susan2]

another podcast appearance (with video) -

http://danicapatrick.com/podcast/daniel-howell

[susan2]

...and another!!!

https://thebookofman.com/mind/mental-he ... t-through/

[alittledizzy]

Stuff Dan's done!

Waterstone's Q&A
John Green event
The Sleepover Club Podcast
Katie Piper's Extraordinary People Podcast
Paul McKenna's Positivity Podcast
Danica Patrick podcast
The Book of Man

....... did I forget any?

[rizzo]

another podcast appearance (with video) -

http://danicapatrick.com/podcast/daniel-howell

Danica's not like... my favorite interviewer ever imho. But precisely because of that... this was SUCH an interesting one to listen to. If you only pick one of Dan's podcasts, this one's it! He goes over everything else he's said everywhere else, but she also gets him to open up about a few extra things here and there. A few of my favorites:

• 42:40 - His whole bit talking about opening about his sexuality. "I cannot bear to create anymore." He talks about brushing it under the rug and how that didn't work for him. He felt his life couldn't go forward if he didn't accept that about himself. "The fear that there was this thing that could just dissolve my entire life... I felt permanently on edge... [...] It felt like I had been wearing a suit of chainmail my entire life and the moment I [...] accepted it myself, it just instantly shed." IMO, he ended up conveying in this interview that at some point he ran out of things to say to his audience, because the only thing taking up his brain space was the thing he felt he couldn't say... It's just really interesting. Like, I always had this perception that Dan confided in, at the very least, Phil... But there was obviously a whole lot of internal struggle happening for him even whilst in the midst of this deep, loving relationship he had going on. IDK... My brains been whirling. And I know some of this we already know but... anyway. I'm struggling to really form solid thoughts. But that also brings me to this other timestamp...
• 23:09- "Feeling like... even to one person, that you are seen.... That you had been acknowledged for what you're going through and you're not alone with your thoughts... [...] Just having one person being there can literally be a lifeline."

[Megancita75]

But did they talk about Formula 1 ?!?!!

Re: the part Rizzo excerpted from the interview -- I know we have this idealized notion of DnP as master communicators, but I suppose if you are hiding something from yourself (his full acceptance of his sexuality) then you would also not be fully confiding in someone else either. Internalized homophobia, man -- it's a mind fuck that has lasting consequences.

It's super interesting, though, that this eventually came to the point that the identity piece really paralyzed his creativity. I find that insight absolutely fascinating.

[fioebae]

...and another!!!

https://thebookofman.com/mind/mental-he ... t-through/

Is this the first time either of them actually acknowledged that they moved into the filming flat? (11:20 ish)

[rizzo]

...and another!!!

https://thebookofman.com/mind/mental-he ... t-through/

Is this the first time either of them actually acknowledged that they moved into the filming flat? (11:20 ish)

omg I think it is! that's amazing lmao!

also i just want to say -- like, look. i get it. dnp are big shots now. life looks a little different for them than it does everyone else. they've collected a lot of ~money and stuff~ over the years. but - dan, that is not a cupboard under the stairs! that is a whole-ass luxury apartment where you've filled one (of two?) bedrooms with your boxes. you're effectively living in a one bedroom luxury apartment in the middle of london. shut. up. (i'm getting salty about #boxlife, can you tell? lmao)

[alittledizzy]

...and another!!!

https://thebookofman.com/mind/mental-he ... t-through/

Is this the first time either of them actually acknowledged that they moved into the filming flat? (11:20 ish)

omg I think it is! that's amazing lmao!

also i just want to say -- like, look. i get it. dnp are big shots now. life looks a little different for them than it does everyone else. they've collected a lot of ~money and stuff~ over the years. but - dan, that is not a cupboard under the stairs! that is a whole-ass luxury apartment where you've filled one (of two?) bedrooms with your boxes. you're effectively living in a one bedroom luxury apartment in the middle of london. shut. up. (i'm getting salty about #boxlife, can you tell? lmao)

It is ABSOLUTELY the first time they've acknowledged it!! I'm a little bit surprised, tbh. But I guess they're close enough to out and I'm sure they know we know...

[fruitcriminals]

...and another!!!

https://thebookofman.com/mind/mental-he ... t-through/

Is this the first time either of them actually acknowledged that they moved into the filming flat? (11:20 ish)

omg I think it is! that's amazing lmao!

also i just want to say -- like, look. i get it. dnp are big shots now. life looks a little different for them than it does everyone else. they've collected a lot of ~money and stuff~ over the years. but - dan, that is not a cupboard under the stairs! that is a whole-ass luxury apartment where you've filled one (of two?) bedrooms with your boxes. you're effectively living in a one bedroom luxury apartment in the middle of london. shut. up. (i'm getting salty about #boxlife, can you tell? lmao)

I'm glad it isn't just me. He does it quite a lot though no? Things he's said about growing up poor and then you remember the things he had, clothes he wore, holidays he went on etc. and you think ?? Sweet babes. You were not poor!

[anna_begins]

I understand why it can feel insensitive when Dan says he grew up poor when obviously there are people whose circumstances are much worse, and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular because it's come up several times over the years, but I've never been too comfortable in general with the "they weren't poor" because they had/did "x" assumptions because it feels very "they have an iphone why are they using food stamps" ish. Idk it's just something I'm admittedly a little sensitive about.

Changing subjects but I saw this on twitter and had a little laugh at some sass Dan left to someone on the Danica podcast critiquing his excessive usage of the word "like" All these interviews and podcasts must be getting to him.

[shan]

I understand why it can feel insensitive when Dan says he grew up poor when obviously there are people whose circumstances are much worse, and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular because it's come up several times over the years, but I've never been too comfortable in general with the "they weren't poor" because they had/did "x" assumptions because it feels very "they have an iphone why are they using food stamps" ish. Idk it's just something I'm admittedly a little sensitive about.

I get exactly what you mean. Having grown up in an environment that wasn’t well off at all, I still went on holidays and even went to a (moderately priced) private high school. It just meant that money was being skimped on elsewhere or those things could have been put on credit and remain a debt hanging over their head for an extended period of time. When I started getting old enough to really understand the financial strain some of these choices were causing, my mum would say it’s just money and when she’s gone she wanted me to have memories of things we did together. A bit morbid perhaps but it stuck with me.

[wesleywyndcm]

pardon for being very off topic (?), but I desperately need to know if dan and phil are watching eurovision this saturday, and if they're aware that switzerland's entry looks remarkably like dan

[snoopysadie]

took me a couple hours but I caught up with this last thread.

(being out with your wife and having people yell at you for not social distancing with your friends is SUPER fun and not at all putting me in a weird headspace. Add to that everyone at work calling her my PaRtNeR and ugh...)

im only going to directly respond to this because it literally made me so anxious: that sucks. i'm so sorry.


I have been visiting tumblr tags and there were not enough spoilers so I just needed to come see what you pals were saying, especially since I remembered reading a few months back about a few people that weren't super excited about the book but would probably still read it and I wanted to know what you thought of it.

First of all, I watched the interview with John Green this morning and it made me cry at 0:50 seconds. I am so incredibly proud of dan ugh. and phil supporting him uGH.

I haven't all the podcasts yet so I might come back after but I just wanted to be surrounded by people who were as excited as me about this book!
Also I'm trying to decide whether to listen to the audiobook now (I'm gonna join audible and use that free trial) or wait for the book to arrive... which will be in a month and a half because of course it's not coming to my country T_T.

This next thing comes out of nowhere but hey: I know this might have been discussed before but I was watching that The View interview and when Dan talked about coming out and having people be surprised... sometimes it really strikes me as ridiculous how some people maybe actually didn't know? And I don't mean to downplay the importance of BIG and how huge it was for Dan's mental health and the impact both videos had on their lives (they didn't have to do that, but they did and helped so many people )

but... isn't it funny that we might watch a video from the post baking universe era to II and just... I remember how the phandom was back then and, to me and (I always felt) the rest of us, Dan and Phil were always not straight. But that was kind of the joke, that was the punchline of so many jokes, the innuendos were centered around it... It was like the inner joke.
I have no idea where I'm going with this btw, but I just wanted to write it down. Isn't it crazy how in 2018 we were all there? Mentally? At least that's how I saw it. But then they actually came out and we were sO surprised by their saying it and supportive and happy for them... but it was also supremely weird because it was shocking but also felt reiterative? Do I know what I'm trying to say? Do any of you? Am I alone?


Well I just ruined my post lmao.

Ooh, also, in relation to the book being not personal enough, maybe it has to do with what Dan said to John about having to cut entire sections that maybe sounded problematic OR that were anecdotes but didn't have a place in this to-the-point guide? I wish he would share some of those anecdotes tbh.


Anyway, please post spoilers I need to know more about this book, I'm too anxious.

[inanerat]

Thank you Dizzy for putting that list together. There's so many different things and they've been popping up and streaming by on twitter and I have NOT been able to keep track.

Also fiobae thank you for pointing that out, especially since at this point I'm not sure I'll get through every single one of these interviews. It's a strong lol from me. I've been spending a bit more (read a LOT) time on twitter recently and it has surprised me a little bit how flat stuff is still something that confuses people. It isn't a bad thing, and tbh I feel like maybe it's a good thing with how twitter feels like a bit more of a public space, somewhere where interactions tend to be short, somewhere where dnp are active, etc. but it just surprises me every time because I have become so accustomed to things like the two flats and how they moved to the filming flat being common knowledge and accepted truths on here.

I also get people's annoyance with Dan's wording about it being such a small cupboard etc. etc. 'cause yeah, it's a bigger space than I could ever afford for sure. But I also find it funny how he and Phil are so on about being cooped up the past few months because in comparison to their life before they have been- going from a big 2 flat apartment with a lot of space and balcony (living flat)plus another somewhat smaller 2 bedroom apartment to essentially just a one (because gaming channel room is full of boxes) bedroom apartment (plus glass door/office room) is definitely downsize from what they have gotten used to. It's funny to me how they complain about it while not directly/openly explaining why it's such a noticeable change for them, because for plenty of people they don't understand how they've half-moved already.

Also, like Rizzo and a few others mentioned (I think I've talked about this on here before too), I have also been thinking a lot about how recent Dan's struggle with internalized homophobia has been and like,, just trying to imagine a little bit the amount of complicated feelings and cognitive dissonance he must have struggled with being in a gay relationship for years with all those feelings still eating at him. If he and Phil ever are more open about explicitly naming their relationship, idk if it would ever be something either of them feel comfortable sharing, but I would be fascinated to hear their thoughts and reflections of living through that situation. At the end of the day the place my thoughts always end up is how damn special Phil is to him, and how special they are to each other. I've seen a few things from the book from parts I haven't gotten to yet that have also brought up thoughts about this, so I think I'll end up making a more in depth (lololol) post about all my thoughts in this realm in a week or so.

[Catallena]

Changing subjects but I saw this on twitter and had a little laugh at some sass Dan left to someone on the Danica podcast critiquing his excessive usage of the word "like" All these interviews and podcasts must be getting to him.

Giggling at the image of Dan aggressively logging into his YouTube account, first getting the password wrong a couple of times, just to pick a fight with Cindy.

[rizzo]

dan really did go full customerservicedepartment on cindy, huh?

[shan]

Also I'm trying to decide whether to listen to the audiobook now (I'm gonna join audible and use that free trial) or wait for the book to arrive... which will be in a month and a half because of course it's not coming to my country T_T.

I ended up using a free trial to grab the audiobook and while I do like hearing him read it, I'm finding that I also tend to zone out a fair bit. His voice is very soothing I'd say it's definitely worth the listen if you don't want to wait a month and a half but I decided about an hour into the audio to read it first so I actually take in what he's saying. I'm also not really an audiobook person so it could just be a 'me' problem!