Dan & Phil Part 33: #JustBroThings

[MoonPride]

I want to know why Dan is out socialising when he has videos to edit, what a slacker

[melon lord]

I want to know why Dan is out socialising when he has videos to edit, what a slacker

When Phil's the cat's away Dan the mice will play

[alittledizzy]

I actually feel like Dan has spoken more about his father than his mother. in terms of personality and random anecdotes, anyway.

I'd love to know where I can find them.

i feel like mostly the radioshow? and then some old vyous, livenows, and i guess that one main channel (audience participation) was pretty insightful. i feel like i know nothing about his mother, other than she went on a rollercoaster with him when he was a kid even though she's scared of them so he wouldn't have to be alone. (love that one).

edit: i'm not the person to bring up links, i wish i was. probably oq has a lot?
his dad is into music and he used to listen to new albums in the car with him, he loves F1 racing, used to work as a special effects tech, dan visited him onset at Pinewood Studios once, he filled Dan's room with fake snow to surprise him on christmas day and it made him cry, he took them diving and that's when he and Dan nearly got killed by the spear fisher, he lived in Vietnam with his little brother for a while because their father was in the military and there was dog in the rice paddy that they thought was haunted, he yelled at dan for bleeding on the carpet that one time, he hid chocolate from their family dog but she got on top of their wardrobe or something and ate it anyway, that's just what i can remember off the top of my head.

edit 2: and he used to smoke, right? cigars? or cigar smell makes Dan think of his dad.

Damn, this is gratifying to read, I am thirsty for ways to fill in the "Dan's dad' blank characterization slot in my mind.

I really need to get on rewatching the radio show from the start. It always somehow escapes me that the radio show is where Dan told most of his random childhood/family anecdotes, and that we generally feel like he doesn't talk about his parents just because most of us either haven't listened to the old radios hows or did once and then forgot about them.

[fancybum]

Hello everyone! I'm not internet savvy, so sorry for not posting a link but I specifically remember him talking extensively about his dad on a halloween themed liveshow (I think in 2012). If I remember correctley it's the one where Phil tries to scare him standing behind a door but Dan sees him.
Please don't mind any errors, I'm not a native speaker.

Ooh, cheeky self-promo from the Liveshow Rewatch Thread
Just the relevant bit though:
40:00
Dan:

I think I got my ‘I don’t believe in ghosts’ vibe from my dad. I feel like a lot of my similarities are from my dad in that way because he’s a very sceptical, kind of science-y guy like that. And I was on holiday with my parents last year when I went to Sicily, and it was like 2am and my brother had gone to sleep, and I just decided to ask them, I was like, “Mum, Dad, do you believe in ghosts and the paranormal? Do you believe in aliens?” And they were like, “Yeah, there’s probably other life in the universe.” “Well what about ghosts?” “Yes.” And I was like, “Umm.. excuse me? Why?” And my dad was like, “Well, weird things have happened.”

One of the things, apparently was [his dad lived in Vietnam briefly as his dad (Dan’s grandpa) was in the RAF, so they moved around the world to different RAF posts. They were in Vietnam for about a year. During one foggy winter, Dan’s dad and uncle looked out their bedroom window to see a black dog standing there in the rice field staring up at them. It would run away if they went outside but came by every Tuesday. One night when their parents weren’t there, they heard growling outside and saw that the dog was sitting right outside the porch. Dan’s dad opened the door and the dog started barking crazily for like 20mins, then left before the parents came back. Later that night they heard howling. The next Tuesday, the dog was found dead in the middle of the field].

[Sakura Selfie]

I wonder if they bother making New Years resolutions? I hope phils is to sort his wisdom tooth out

Louise's tweet is interesting, I wondered why hadn't been in any of the ads I've seen for youtube yet I thought it may be something to do with that but I think Louise has already done one?

[Kathrynxjane]

I wonder if they bother making New Years resolutions? I hope phils is to sort his wisdom tooth out

Louise's tweet is interesting, I wondered why hadn't been in any of the ads I've seen for youtube yet I thought it may be something to do with that but I think Louise has already done one?

It is #brandcastuk. Oli White tweeted his wristband so I am guessing that is what it is.

I think it is the same thing that they did in New York.

[Lucet]

Just because his parents do not want to be in the limelight and Dan is keeping quiet about his family life doesn't mean they're on bad terms.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had a few arguments about his career choice, it being quite weird back in 2009-2010. Now, even my grandma knows that you can make money working "in the internet", but then nah-ah. Other thing - his brother being a minor. I've mentioned it before, when the fangirls realised that Dan has a brother shit went down. Your 18 year old son is doing something that can potentially hurt your ~12 year old child. Parents would definitely need to step in and do something.
Other thing - if their parents work in an office where they can keep incognito, then good. Otherwise (if their emails or phone numbers need to be provided on the interwebz) I wouldn't be surprised there were some calls from teenage girls asking stuff about their son. I definitely see that happen at least a few times.

There are many things that you might need to take into account. But I do not think their relationship is as bad as some of you portray it here. It's not. He still goes home, how often - we have no idea. Reading is not that far away from London, so he can go back every single week without telling phandom.

Re them being touchy in their gamingmas videos - after the BONCAs awards when Phil invited Dan on stage, it was crystal clear - they're now a well established brand. Their individual youtube work is just a side-job they have.

[MoonPride]

I wonder if they bother making New Years resolutions? I hope phils is to sort his wisdom tooth out

Louise's tweet is interesting, I wondered why hadn't been in any of the ads I've seen for youtube yet I thought it may be something to do with that but I think Louise has already done one?

It is #brandcastuk. Oli White tweeted his wristband so I am guessing that is what it is.

I think it is the same thing that they did in New York.

It starts at 6pm, so I bet the video won't go up till late then. Unless Phil is editing this one?

[oqua]

edit: i'm not the person to bring up links, i wish i was. probably oq has a lot?

Lmao, I have been summoned.

he filled Dan's room with fake snow to surprise him on christmas day and it made him cry

This story always makes me so sad.

Just watch it, and like, listen to his tone of voice and stuff. Idk, it’s obviously not really a happy memory for him.

[Context: They’ve been discussing Dan’s dad’s job doing fake snow for movies]

• Phil: Did you have any incidents that related to the snow that happened?
  Dan: Erm…why, what do you mean? Like bad things?
  Phil: I dunno. Just wondering.
  Dan: Erm, I once—okay, this is—this is actually kind of a sad story, so I don’t know if it’s appropriate for Father’s Day.
  Phil: Okay, I would like to hear it.
  Dan: So I was five, and it was Christmas morning, and I was a child who was still filled with wonder and not yet ruined by cynicism and sarcasm and stuff, so my dad and my mum thought it would be a good idea to cover my bedroom with snow—
  Phil: Right.
  Dan: —so I’d wake up in this winter wonderland, and I’d be like, “oh my god, Father Christmas was here!”
  Phil: Aww!
  Dan: “Best day ever!” That’s what they had in mind.
  Phil: Yeah.
  Dan: But apparently as soon as I woke up, I burst into tears.
  Phil: [laughs]
  Dan: And I just cried uncontrollably for about two hours, and when they finally got a word out of me, they were like, “What’s wrong? Why don’t you like it?” And I said, “I’m sorry! Father Christmas made a mess in my room! I’ll clean it up!” So then my dad was like, [frustrated sigh] “Okay—”
  Phil: All that work.
  Dan: “—sneaked around at three A.M. covering everything in snow, and then my child cries and apologizes,’ so that went horribly wrong.”
  Phil: Oh no.
  Dan: So I guess, sorry Dad, if you’re listening right now, for ruining that day for you and crushing all of your dreams for an inspiring Christmas.

(He cried for two hours and apologized because he woke up with a mess in his room, that he didn’t even make?? Idk, that just breaks my heart.)


Also, here is the discussion of his dad having a job doing fake snow more movies that precedes that snow anecdote.

he took them diving and that's when he and Dan nearly got killed by the spear fisher

When they were on holiday in Sicily (Video source)

he yelled at dan for bleeding on the carpet that one time

• Q: What is your best scar story?
  Dan: [shows scar] I punched through double glazing. I went to run up to the window of our living room to like, knock on it, but I sort of did like a running knock, and I just went like pow! through the window. And my dad was like, “You broke the window!?!” And I was like, “Yeah, glass! Glass, in the arm! Bleeding! Bleeding, dying!” And my dad was like, “You’re ruining the carpet.”

(Vyou source)

he hid chocolate from their family dog but she got on top of their wardrobe or something and ate it anyway

(Liveshow source)

I re-watched Audience Participation Fear a bit ago and was surprised that he actually mentions his parents. He describes how his father also has an "audience participation fear" (aka social anxiety from what I'm picking up).

• “It [audience participation fear] must be genetic as well though, because I am nothing compared to my dad. My family once went to see the Blue Man Group, and even though it was in an arena with thousands of people in complete darkness, when they said they were going into the crowd to pick a ‘random man’ for the next part, my dad left. He literally, without saying anything, stood up, walked out, and just spent the rest of the show sat in his car. Completely wasted his money, but he wasn’t gonna risk it for a second.”

(Video source)

(he also jokes "we should hang out more" when talking about his mom, which I found interesting, and totally something I would jokingly say about my estranged parents).

lol i noticed this too last time i rewatched this video


He also tells the story of his dad leaving the Blue Man Group on the radioshow:

[Context: Phil talks about going to the circus for Dan’s birthday and being terrified of the audience participation until a lady swallowed a lightsaber, which was so cool it made him get over his fear.]

• Dan: Although once, erm— it’s obviously genetic, 'cause my dad is the same thing with audience participation; we—
  Phil: I thought you were gonna say about lightsaber swallowing! [laughs]
  Dan: [laughs] Plot twist! No, we went to go see the Blue Man Group once, and they do a lot of audience participation, and my dad actually left because he was so afraid of it?
  Phil: Of going onstage?
  Dan: Yeah, because they got like four or five people, maybe even more, up onstage doing stuff, and my dad was like, ‘I cannot cope with the thought of them doing something to me, that I am going to just sit in the car for two hours, and—’”
  Phil: Oh no!
  Dan: Really, yeah.
  Phil: It is genetic.
  Dan: [jokingly] So you joke about it, Phil; all you need is a lady swallowing a lightsaber to get over it; but for some people, it’s a real problem!
  Phil: Yes.
  Dan: But anyway, moving on—

(Radioshow source)

edit 2: and he used to smoke, right? cigars? or cigar smell makes Dan think of his dad.

Mentions of his parents smoking:

• “Someone said do I smoke. No I don’t. I’m not gonna be like a Nazi about people that, er, do smoke. 'Cause you can do what you want with your life. But I don’t; I think it’s scandatory. Like, my dad smokes, but he smokes like really expensive, hipstery tobacco? Which is okay, 'cause at least it smells nice. But people that smoke fags—hey hey— it just stinks. So why?”

(Liveshow source)

• “But I’ve never really seen the appeal of cigarettes. I mean, I don’t care if you do; I don’t hate you if you do. I just don’t. Maybe it's both my parents did as I was growing up it was just my natural instinct to rebel against their dictator regime made me subconsciously oppose it. Well, that and a couple of traumatic incidents.”

(source: “Smoking Is Cool” video)

Regarding Christmas I really think the only reason Dan goes home and not home with Phil is because of his Grandma. I also really get the feeling Dan's parents resent Phil and feel like he is the reason Dan gave up on uni. This is just my assumption and to save any bad atmosphere it's easier to spend Christmas apart.

Why is anyone thinking #phandivorce is a thing? They are going to be living together until they are old and grey.

Dan's mom was at the final UK showing of TATINOF cheering them on, and Dan said in a video that he asked his mom about leaving uni and she said it was all right to do so. Dan is VERY private about his parents and his brother, but apparently its appropriate to spend Christmas with your family. Phil is a mommy's boy (so I have been told) so he couldn't spend time away from his family.

Yeah, Dan's mum attended TATINOF, and so did his dad; there's a photo taken the night of the London TATINOF show that shows both of Dan's parents and his grandparents in the audience.

And yes, Dan said in his Draw My Life video that he dropped out of university with his "mum's blessing."

However... he has also made many, many comments that paint his parents in a somewhat negative light and portray them as not consistently supportive ("your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university," "suddenly parents care," "my parents didn't give a fuck," "if only my parents were as supportive," this liveshow segment, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.....)

So yeah

[Birdie]

I love that picture Louise tweeted, it's so cute. Who's the girl on the right?

Just because his parents do not want to be in the limelight and Dan is keeping quiet about his family life doesn't mean they're on bad terms.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had a few arguments about his career choice, it being quite weird back in 2009-2010. Now, even my grandma knows that you can make money working "in the internet", but then nah-ah. Other thing - his brother being a minor. I've mentioned it before, when the fangirls realised that Dan has a brother shit went down. Your 18 year old son is doing something that can potentially hurt your ~12 year old child. Parents would definitely need to step in and do something.
Other thing - if their parents work in an office where they can keep incognito, then good. Otherwise (if their emails or phone numbers need to be provided on the interwebz) I wouldn't be surprised there were some calls from teenage girls asking stuff about their son. I definitely see that happen at least a few times.

There are many things that you might need to take into account. But I do not think their relationship is as bad as some of you portray it here. It's not. He still goes home, how often - we have no idea. Reading is not that far away from London, so he can go back every single week without telling phandom.

I'm not sure where the rumours of him being on bad terms with his family originated but I first came across them on a certain blog that likes to pretend they have insider info. Maybe it's been circulating before that, not sure, but if it was indeed them first spreading it around I'd be very careful with it. Also we really don't know what the guys are doing for the most part. There weren't many videos lately (before Gamingmas), especially from Dan, so who knows where he really was. Reading is so close to London he could go there for an afternoon visit anytime and we would never know. I mean, we know he gets on very well with his grandmother and she still doesn't appear in any videos or anything, he doesn't mention her often. So him not mentioning his parents often doesn't really mean anything. I think he just likes to keep his family away from Youtube and his fans which is probably a wise decision. It might well have a lot to do with what the phandom did to his brother. That must have been scary.

I wouldn't make too much out of the stuff about his parents being dissapointed in him for dropping out of university. My parents didn't love it either when I flopped out of Art school because it was expensive (going to uni is really expensive in the UK) and I was so passionate about art before so yes, they were dissapointed, there were fights but in the end they respected my decision and we're on good terms. Parents being dissapointed about something you do doesn't mean you're not on good terms with them. To be honest what parent would not be dissapointed about their child dropping out of university and wasting like 1000 quid without getting a degree? It's a normal reaction and doesn't really tell us anything about the relationship.

Past discussion:

For real, calling it gaymas/gaymingmas is really rubbing me in all of the wrong ways. I don’t care how jokingly or affectionately you think you’re doing it, it just stands out as being fucked up. This is supposedly (and has been in the past, for the most part..) a supportive and accepting group of posters. And maybe that in itself has given people a sense of having a ‘pass’ with remarks that, to outsiders, could come off as offensive or cruel. And I understand that on a scale of things to be offended by, allegedly self-awarely calling a festive project D&P are doing ‘gaymas’ would be at the bottom for most, if it would even make the list at all.
If someone just showed up and posted here labelling one or both of them gay, everybody would flip out and whip out their sexuality tallies and basic human empathy and write a dissertation about respecting people’s labels for themselves or lack of labels or whatever. But suddenly it’s hilarious to casually call their month long project gay. I don’t understand the disconnect. I don’t care what the intent is, I don’t care how you’re rationalizing it to yourselves (“Well, I don’t mean it like that, I’m not like those other kinds of people who say it meaning it like that (like the fucking 4chan example on just the previous page), I’m joking").

“It’s just a joke brah lighten up” is the most infuriating response to an expression of discomfort about something that could be taken many ways. Oh I can’t take a joke, well fuck me then. It’s almost hilarious how hostile and alienating I find this thing that isn’t even registering to anybody. It just strikes me as casual cruelty every time I see it.

Cruelty. And it's kind of clarifying a big part of what bugged the fuck out of me about busgate. Busgate was cruel. How is it anything else? Nitpicking and probing and laughing about how you know better all over something done ostensibly to avoid a specific kind of scrutiny. Where they’re sleeping and who they’re sleeping with. Nobody’s business. Yet people feel entitled to it because they think they know The Truth™ and want to confirm-- for what? To sate your own curiosity at the expense of somebody else’s clearly set boundaries. Like sure, call up bus companies, drool over floorplans, but none of those things will actually tell you definitively anything at all. It won't get you a sex tape or something tangible that you can point at and say "Aha! I knew it!" as if the truth of their private lives is something to be caught and held up like a trophy for retweets.

Like wtf:
Agreed, its a play on words that they knew gamesmas, the obvious name, sounded too much like gaymas, so they had to awkwardly add on that ing making it sound really un-natural. To me its a joke about how self aware they are, not OMG THEY ARE GAY

Yep, if they're gonna jump through hoops to avoid gamemas/gaymas, I'm gonna mercilessly use that exact phrase as a joke because reasons.

I’m not seeing how it’s just a joke about their self-awareness.
“What I think they probably should have named it and assumed they considered naming it but then changed their minds because it could possibly sound like gaymas is what I’m going to call it for the lols”

The only reason coming to me is cruelty 'bc lol'. It’s mocking. Mocking rooted in a sexuality label. Like where’s the joke beyond gay apparently being a funny word. And by your admission at least, the joke doesn’t appear to be ‘this is what it could have sounded like so I’m just going to call it that something something self-awareness’, it’s “this is what I assume they wanted to avoid it sounding like so I’m going to mercilessly call it that based on my own assumptions.”

So it’s funny that something (you assume) they wanted to avoid is what you want to double down on. And why would you think they would want to avoid it? Because of ‘gay’? Would they want to avoid that because of the leaps and reaching people would make and do to link a sexuality identifier to what they’ve chosen to name their project? And the humour then is to casually use a term you assume they wanted to avoid because it potentially draws attention or brings to mind sexualities (specifically questions of their own personal sexualities and labels, a topic they’ve clearly chosen to avoid as much as possible for the last 7 years?). I’m only getting mocking cruelty out of this, not humour.

Like is it just a groupthink thing happening here? “I see other people are saying it, so I’m going to say it too”? Is it really no more than just 'gaymas sounds funny' and you don't see any issue with attributing it to two people who don't identify as gay just doing something in their professional lives? I bring up discomfort over it and all I get is variations of ‘take a joke’. Other than that, nobody really answered and I can’t believe that everybody calling it this mindfully agrees with the one or two people who gave ‘actual’ answers about the thinking behind it that were at least slightly more thoughtful than linking to some shitty 90s music (next time joking about consent is brought up, I’ll just post some throwback Lauryn Hill in solidarity ). Like whatever, go ahead and never examine your own thoughts and words and their intended expression vs. reception by others. Roll your eyes and go along your merry way being ironic and reductive and know that I and I alone am wrong and invalid. I’m the problem and ruining your fun and nothing you say is offensive because you don’t mean it that way and/or it’s coming from a supposedly supportive or affectionate place. Or a 'merciless' place, if that’s what you’re into . Or maybe it’s just coming from a place of entitlement (“I’m of the community, they’re of the community, I can make jokes at their expense or the community’s expense because I’m part of it (or support it I guess, when it's not just ace joke-fodder)”) or maybe even just latent homophobia. I don’t know, I don’t know any of you or your motivations for anything you do. All I see is the result: your words.

And I find it all especially shitty around this flipping awesome time of D&P taking their walls down and being actual humans together for the world to see. Every video is somehow better than the last and it’s all great and then I come here and just want to strangle myself, and not in the kink sense. People think (if they’re thinking) they’re straddling some cute line between loving banter and jokes, but so often it’s landing outside the line into cruelty (wasn't that an issue with scrolling through the pinof tag? I'm sure all of those people were laughing at their genius hilarity too), which is whatever if you’re hate watching, but the ample use of trashcans would lead me to think otherwise. And sure, I don’t need to be upset for Dan and Phil, they’re grown men who can take it or ignore it, it’s nothing new, but I’m upset for myself being subjected to this thoughtless shit masquerading as Self Aware Joe King that’s really based in outing, which I thought wasn’t cool ‘round these parts. Oh I’m sorry, I guess it’s just Ironic Outing because we all think we’re in the know and can joke freely about their private lives, and it’s all cool because we think they’re cool. Or bad liars. Or good liars that --bait. But we’re in on the joke whatever the case, and so anything goes, right? It’s just a game we’re all playing with them.

It all gets very tiring and antagonistic. Try not to cut anyone with all that edge.

I was uncomfortable with it too and I'm still not too keen about it but even though I personally don't think it's that bad I see where you're coming from and what you said really made me think. Thanks for the post. I don't find it aggressive at all. It's an opinion, it's well written and I hope that any opinion can be disclosed on these forums if it's done like this.

[melon lord]

The thing with complicated parents is that to the public they seem pleasant and nice and you may visit them or spend time with them but only you or your friends know the horrible stuff they do in the privacy of their own home. Most people won't hear the horrible things they say to you, they won't see them hit you or they won't witness your heart break when they don't believe in you or they judge your decisions, but they will never show that. And you have to keep up this pretence of things being dandy and wonderful and maybe things aren't that bad during holidays because they try to keep a semblance of normalcy and for all the horrible shit they pull to you, they also do nice things and you can't cut them out of your life entirely.

So for however often Dan visits his family or goes back home, I'll take his negative opinions more personally than his trips. And I will validate his hurtful experiences more than thinking that he overreacts or actually had a "great" life that he just drama queens over.

[flarequake]

Wow, great links, oqua I'm so impressed that anyone remembers where and when they said things to find them again like that I've got so much to catch up on, I've seen the first few liveshows so far, but that's it before last May (my mum, who has heard so much about these two by now she might actually be starting to care, laughed when she heard Phil say "relax your thorax" somewhere in an early liveshow, one of Dan's I think, either the really long second one in his fluffy hat or just after it, I had them on while I was sorting a ton of paperwork for her and trying not to go insane).

Those stories are great, poor 5-year-old Dan and his parents that Christmas morning, even five minutes of inconsolable crying from a child is enough for me. And the dog, lucky it survived really. It's worse for cats apparently, I was surprised mine was interested in licking a chocolate button recently since they can usually sense when things like plants are poisonous and steer clear of them.

Are there any indications about Dan's parents being unhappy with Phil or him doing YouTube at all, it seems to be just speculation? There's the few mentions of dropping out of uni, but that's about it besides them being busy and Grandma being there instead. melon lord makes a good point and he is quite sensitive, but also fairly private, we don't really know a lot.

[sentinel]

Looks like Martyn went without Cornelia and shared a hotel room with Phil. I'd insert the photo from Martyn's Twitter but I have no clue how to do that on my phone.

Yep that is distinctly a twin room, so Phil and Martyn sharing and Dan most definitely in London

Also, re family, I think it's easy to assume that Dan has a rough relationship with his family simply because it's presented right next to Phil's picture perfect happy family? Cause obviously Phil really loves his family and they spend a lot of time together, but a lot of people have a less-great relationship than that with their parents but are still absolutely fine? To be honest, based on what we know of Dan, if his family truly disliked Phil then I would think he'd just never go home
The results of Eevee's survey will be interesting to see, I would've maybe added a location question though to compare what people around the world think? Idk. Generally I would say you'd only spend a full christmas few days with one person's family once you're longterm/married and/or have children? If you're single you go home unless you have specific other plans, if you're only just dating you'll maybe do one of christmas eve / day at each set of parents..

The thing is though, we also see Dan way more often interacting with Phil's family and always Phil's family. He suggests calling Kath, they hang out with Martyn and Cornelia, Dan went to IOM for Phil's father. Why not go home to his own dad? On a certain level, it's like Phil's friends and family adopted Dan into their circle while Dan either left behind everyone or was the one left behind. He went to Phil's reunion, the cute Dan-with-a-baby pics are with Phil's friend Ian's kid, even PJ was Phil's friend at first. Not that Dan is some sort of a loner or whatever - he clearly has friends on his own, but there is an undeniable amount of Phil-facilitated relationships in his life.

On the other hand, Phil rarely, if ever, interacts with Dan's family ever since Dan moved out. We never hear about Phil going back with him on his trips to Reading (even if there are more than we know about, which I have my reasons to doubt), and it seems like his parents never visit them in the apartment. Even more so, last christmas Dan spent two days alone, including Christmas eve and went home at the last possible minute. I vaguely remember that one time he left on either 26th or on the morning of the 27th. Something is going on/has happened that goes beyond simply drifting apart. I have a sibling who I'm not close with but not to this extreme that Dan goes to avoid his family.

[alittledizzy]

Are there any indications about Dan's parents being unhappy with Phil or him doing YouTube at all, it seems to be just speculation? There's the few mentions of dropping out of uni, but that's about it besides them being busy and Grandma being there instead. melon lord makes a good point and he is quite sensitive, but also fairly private, we don't really know a lot.

I have never seen anything indicating Dan's parents don't like Phil. We know Phil stayed with them at least a few times between 2009-2010 before Dan moved to Manchester, and we know Phil went home with Dan in 2011 for Dan's mother's birthday (5:36 in this clip). That doesn't really sound like Phil was all that uncomfortable, or they didn't like Phil.

[MoonPride]

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

[pilotlight]

The thing with complicated parents is that to the public they seem pleasant and nice and you may visit them or spend time with them but only you or your friends know the horrible stuff they do in the privacy of their own home. Most people won't hear the horrible things they say to you, they won't see them hit you or they won't witness your heart break when they don't believe in you or they judge your decisions, but they will never show that. And you have to keep up this pretence of things being dandy and wonderful and maybe things aren't that bad during holidays because they try to keep a semblance of normalcy and for all the horrible shit they pull to you, they also do nice things and you can't cut them out of your life entirely.

So for however often Dan visits his family or goes back home, I'll take his negative opinions more personally than his trips. And I will validate his hurtful experiences more than thinking that he overreacts or actually had a "great" life that he just drama queens over.

I wish I didn't relate to this so much. It's too early in the day for these feels.
Rationally I know that my own experience affect how I tend to interpret some of the things Dan has said about his family, and that realistically I know nothing about their actual relationship. It is hard not to wonder, though, even if it's just sympathetically.

[Philena]

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

Here it is!

[Birdie]

Are there any indications about Dan's parents being unhappy with Phil or him doing YouTube at all, it seems to be just speculation? There's the few mentions of dropping out of uni, but that's about it besides them being busy and Grandma being there instead. melon lord makes a good point and he is quite sensitive, but also fairly private, we don't really know a lot.

For all I know it's all just speculation. melon lord's points are valid and important but we just don't know if they apply to Dan. As far as I know he's never outright said his relationship with his parents was rocky so maybe it is or maybe it isn't. I don't think he's ever talked about what his parents think of Phil either. All he's done is tell some childhood stories. I get melon lord's points and even though my relationship with my parents is okay these days I can relate to a lot of what they've said but I don't feel comfortable with just assuming Dan's relationship with his parents is rocky or that they even might be abusive without any real comment on this from Dan himself. I'm not saying you guys shouldn't discuss it or can't have these opinions but for me personally it's hard to just believe they don't get along based on a few childhood stories. My conclusion is we just don't know. And I already feel uncomfortable even speculating like this since Dan keeps his family private for a reason, so I guess I'll be quiet now.

[Kathrynxjane]

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

Here it is!

Is that Emma Blackery next to Tomska??????

[Philena]

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

Here it is!

Is that Emma Blackery next to Tomska??????

That's what I thought!!! Good grief!

[CallMeAyana]

...Just gonna add a speculation: I think that Dan's relationship with his dad isn't as bad at first, but as Dan grows up, it gets worse? I mean, Dan seems to be that kid in class that you want to shut up, but he doesn't. It only got worse when he dropped out of uni because, imo, his dad believes that he can graduate uni, but didn't, and thinks that Phil is the cause of it all. Though, right now, I think that Dan just visits because they're family, and I think that he still kinda... resents his dad for not being there when he needs it? Also, I think that his father wants to apologize and wants to tell Dan of how proud he is, but Dan doesn't want to talk.
Of course, this is just a speculation, so... who knows
...Please ignore this post.

[sentinel]

Just watch it, and like, listen to his tone of voice and stuff. Idk, it’s obviously not really a happy memory for him.

[Context: They’ve been discussing Dan’s dad’s job doing fake snow for movies]

• Phil: Did you have any incidents that related to the snow that happened?
  Dan: Erm…why, what do you mean? Like bad things?
  Phil: I dunno. Just wondering.
  Dan: Erm, I once—okay, this is—this is actually kind of a sad story, so I don’t know if it’s appropriate for Father’s Day.
  Phil: Okay, I would like to hear it.
  Dan: So I was five, and it was Christmas morning, and I was a child who was still filled with wonder and not yet ruined by cynicism and sarcasm and stuff, so my dad and my mum thought it would be a good idea to cover my bedroom with snow—
  Phil: Right.
  Dan: —so I’d wake up in this winter wonderland, and I’d be like, “oh my god, Father Christmas was here!”
  Phil: Aww!
  Dan: “Best day ever!” That’s what they had in mind.
  Phil: Yeah.
  Dan: But apparently as soon as I woke up, I burst into tears.
  Phil: [laughs]
  Dan: And I just cried uncontrollably for about two hours, and when they finally got a word out of me, they were like, “What’s wrong? Why don’t you like it?” And I said, “I’m sorry! Father Christmas made a mess in my room! I’ll clean it up!” So then my dad was like, [frustrated sigh] “Okay—”
  Phil: All that work.
  Dan: “—sneaked around at three A.M. covering everything in snow, and then my child cries and apologizes,’ so that went horribly wrong.”
  Phil: Oh no.
  Dan: So I guess, sorry Dad, if you’re listening right now, for ruining that day for you and crushing all of your dreams for an inspiring Christmas.

(He cried for two hours and apologized because he woke up with a mess in his room, that he didn’t even make?? Idk, that just breaks my heart.)

Sorry to spam a little, but this is something I can provide some insight on.

This is a behavior of a child who has been... faulted for stuff that were innocent mistakes. The reactions from parents vary, but usually such behavior in children occurs when they feel like they are punished for things they didn't think were wrong and instead of being explained why they are wrong were just punished - whether a slap on the hand or just quiet ignoring.

To speak from experience, this separates you from your parents because it feels like everything you do is something you won't receive a good reaction to. One of my earliest memories I have of this is 10 year old me making an innocent joke about alcohol online and being ratted out to my parents who, instead of listening to me saying "it's just a joke" turned into a long session of "how could you" when I hadn't done anything. What I did then was create an entire alternative online identity that they didn't know about about. Nowadays I keep them in the dark regarding almost every aspect of my life, even though I still live with them. This distrust of the reaction penetrates every aspect of your life sadly, most recent example of this happening to me is when I put D&P's Undertale vids on while cleaning out my closet and instead of being praised for wanting to donate clothes I was asked "how could you watch this for 2 hours? it's repetitive etc". I hadn't done anything wrong, it was just a background noise, but I was somehow in the wrong.

You can see this behavior in Dan too. He didn't tell his parents he made youtube videos until he had 10 000 subscribers and it wasn't something he could ignore. In a vyou I think he talked about how his dad came home while he was filming his first procrastination video (the part where he smashes yogurt in his face) and he had to run and hide in the bathroom. He lied who he was visiting when he first went to see Phil. I know from first hand experience this is exactly what you do, you hide what you can and manipulate the truth where you can't, obscure it to the point where it's something ordinary.

[melon lord]

I wish I didn't relate to this so much. It's too early in the day for these feels.
Rationally I know that my own experience affect how I tend to interpret some of the things Dan has said about his family, and that realistically I know nothing about their actual relationship. It is hard not to wonder, though, even if it's just sympathetically.

Aww I'm sorry I invoked the feels too early in the morning

I spoke from my own experience, I guess it's comforting to know you're not alone and that someone, somewhere has gone through the same thing and knows how it feels



What I said in my post isn't that it's what happened to Dan. I just mean that what other people see/what we can assume, outside of the family household, is not necessarily what Dan experienced. And that can often lead to assumptions on both sides of the spectrum. For the happy/random stories he's shared, he has also shared some sad stories or expressed sadness in some aspects. I'm not insinuating Dan was abused in any way, I can't make that assumption. I just go by what he decides to share.

@sentinel yeah I have exactly the same parents and family. So I knew that feeling all too well, of 5 year old Dan crying because of something he didn't do

[SquishPhan]

I'm a couple pages behind, so not much to contribute as of right now apart from Martyn posted a cute instagram with Phil and Kath with the caption "Perfectly normal family". Also it's geotagged as York, so the wedding is there not IoM

My main takeaway is this family is adorable and they all have the exact same nose

Very cute.

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

Here it is!

Is that Emma Blackery next to Tomska??????

That's what I thought!!! Good grief!

Happy Phil is there, but with Emma Blackery there as well it could get interesting. Wonder if they will just ignore her or actually interact with her.

[Birdie]

melon lord: I think I understood your first post wrong, sorry. And thanks for clarifying. I still struggle with English sometimes (even though I shouldn't at this point ) and sometimes don't catch someone's meaning right away. I agree with what you said.

So Phil has joined Dan as seen on Caspers latest snapchat

Here it is!

Is that Emma Blackery next to Tomska??????

That's what I thought!!! Good grief!

I'm so torn whether I should like her or not lately. I don't really like her anymore but at the same time she keeps making friends with awesome people so I think she can't be all that bad. Until she does something stupid again. Rinse and repeat.