okay, when i started these this video was the only one currently online so this is what my timestamps are based on:
:16 - Phil is happy to be home. The houseplants are dead because their friends didn't come by and water them.
1:10 - Fortnite on Switch. They've got a lot to do but they've made time for Fortnite.
1:22 - Phil does not play Fortnite naked on the couch. Sure, Phil. We believe you.
D: Apparently I implied that Phil plays Fortnite with his wang out on the couch.
P: I don't! I might have played it in my boxers on a hot day. But that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't like-
D: We have aircon, you have no excuse for that.
P: -rub my ass all over the sofa. [demonstrates the aforementioned ass rubbing that he does not do]
D: Oh, good to know, like a dog you're not just rubbing your ass all over the sofa while playing Fortnite.
P: I thought I'd clarify.
2:22 - Dan says that's not the worst thing that's happened on tour, then they turn into glitchy robot people.
2:51 - Phil's review of the show: "It's really fun! Five stars. Come see us."
3:50 - They have fun judging which audiences hate which of them.
4:27 - Phil is hyped for the pancakes. Good to know old brandings never die.
4:33 - Dan only needs a laptop, wifi, and two pairs of underwear. Phil questions the underwear amount. "You can only turn them inside out and back to front twice." Dan reminds him that washing clothes is a thing that's possible.
5:06 - Phil starts talking about how his hair has just been cut and dyed, and their robot programming suffers another glitch and/or reboot. (They switch from Dan's phone to a computer.)
6:14 - Dan freaks out about what he's gonna do without mobile data for ten days.
6:46 - Dan shows off the bendy selfie stick he got, then yells at us for using all his mobile data again.
7:06 - Phil doesn't care about Dan's (data) package, but he is excited about Dan having to replace his FBI deterrant sticker.
7:16 - Phil makes a dumb joke and Dan does that loud happy laugh.
7:36 - Phil returns to talking about the only thing I care about, which is his new hair.
7:45 - Phil bought hair was because he thought it woudl make him look like Shawn Mendes. Spoiler: it does not. It is just normal hair wax.
8:04 - Dan reassures Phil that everyone loves him even if he can't use the guitar, in that 'I'm saying something sincere and it makes me uncomfotable but I'm midway through the sentence so I have to see this through now' Dan voice.
8:22 - IHOB Bancakes discourse. Phil thinks it's a just bad marketing campaign. (Talk business to me some more, Lester. I can work with that.)
8:57 - Phil is not here for your fucking burgers, IHOB. He's getting some motherfucking pancakes.
9:10 - Dan is a philth apologist. Don't waste your breath, Dan. We know you just want to keep Phil's dirty jokes to yourself. We've had a taste now. There's no going back.
9:36 - Phil thinks the worst thing he said was in Germany, and it involved sausages and mouths. Dan pretends to not remember, or maybe he really doesn't remember, who knows. Maybe Phil talks about sausages going in his mouth on a daily basis and Dan just can't be bothered to keep track anymore.
9:43 - Dan makes a wanking gesture while talking about Phil and sausages in Phil's mouth.
9:55 - DanAndPhilSTYLE clothes haul. They are very, very excited about coordinating with their graphic design, and each other.
10:44 - Dan accidentally showed us his danussy. Thanks, I hate it.
11:42 - Phil critiques Dan's red and black tank top. The closest he can get to a compliment is to acknowledge that it matches the branding of the show.
12:05 - Phil tells Dan to watch those nips, can't show those.
12:45 - Phil shows his new sunglasses off; Dan tries to be sarcastic but then just ends up complimenting Phil anyway.
12:51 - "Anyway, I was saying, someone whose name I didn't read because you talked over me-" Dan. Dan. Dan Howell. Are you really. Gonna complain. That someone else. Talked over you. Mister I Will Talk For Three Minutes Without Taking a Breath. Shush.
12:56 - Trailer talk! It's comin'.
14:08 - TBC dates. They're still trying to get them.
15:40 - Dan accidentally says danisnotonfire and has a melodramatic reaction which whatever but the important part here is how fucking cute Phil sounds when he says, "What? What did you say?" in a concerned and slightly alarmed voice.
17:09 - They've got some games filmed and they're gonna film some more on le road. They're getting a new laptop for tour bus gaming.
17:38 - Promo for the US venue concerts.
18:43 - "Europe was a lot."
19:03 - First show in Brighton resulted in lots of drunken women wanting Phil's body and wolf whistling and leering at him. It was fun for Dan, traumatizing for Phil.
20:22 - The Poo Room, followed by the spider incident. I know Dan's talking here but Phil does a really sexy thing where he pushes his fingers through his hair, and I'm here for it.
21:57 - Dan gets defensive when he feels like Phil is about to insult his laptop.
22:00 - Phil implies Dan keeps porn on his laptop. I mean, Phil's exact words were, "weird stuff" but we can read between the lines.
22:07 - Phil merch chat! They talk about the dodgy bush photoshoot in Edinburgh. Phil had a vision.
22:56 - A subscriber was walking some dogs and saw Dan and Phil hopping out of a bush pulling their trousers up. They both acknowledge that it didn't look good, but are very insistent it was just a merch photoshoot. (A little... too insistent...)
24:15 - Phil says it was worth it for the merch.
25:10 - Russia with no technology was a challenge. Phil went into shakes; does not want a technology detox, wants the opposite. Shove the technology into his brain.
25:41 - Dan and Phil both go deeply into detail about how sweaty Dan is, complete with Phil singing a big band standard style ode to Dan's sweat and calling Dan's arms a water feature.
27:00 - Some good ole' fashioned ticket spon. Buy tickets to the Philly show, help fund Phil's next expensive candle gift.
27:57 - "We have so much to do in the next day, and then we're on a plane again."
28:27 - They are going to eat a firework and throw some bbq in the air for the 4th of July.
28:44 - Interlude to discuss angsty/aggressive seagulls. One tried to steal Phil's chips. Those are brave birds, I would not come between Phil Lester and his food.
29:07 - Okay real talk I feel like Dan's insistance that people leave him nice comments on the trailer video is just Dan still being haunted by the awful reception of the last (book/) tour trailer video he did.
29:25 - TBC TBC
29:28 - Dan video in the next day or so.
30:04 - He was gonna paint his nails then he got scared and wiped it off.
30:11 - Phil insists he could paint Dan's nails.
30:33 - Westworld; episode eight made Phil cry.
30:55 - "But more imporantly, Queer Eye is back." Phil, a legend.
31:03 - Phil has to decide when he's ready for a happy cry; does he want an emotional release?
31:37 - Lots of horror films they haven't seen. Want to see Hereditary, didn't see The Quiet Place. Dan would not have liked people being loud in The Quiet Place.
31:54 - Sneak peek of Phil's merch. Dan spons II merch while Phil gets his hoodie.
33:47 - More Dan stuff after Phil's.
33:54 - One of the objects Dan's working on he's been prototyping since 2014.
34:49 - Rize next time, they explain the giveaway and give details.
35:26 - Phil starts singing Sophie and Dan looks embarrassed that way parents are embarrassed because they taught their kid how to do something funny at home but then the kid just starts doing it randomly in public and everyone definitely knows the parent is the one that encouraged that.
35:56 - They're hoping to do a Rize once a week.
36:14 - If Rize doesn't work next week, they'll just jump on YouNow. So basically like, see you on YouNow next week, guys.
36:46 - Dan is surprised people at the meet and greet are older.
37:47 - Because of Phil's mouth, they should be needing to convince people they're not too young for the show.
38:17 - They bicker about whether the trailer will be spoilery or not. Phil says it's like a Marvel trailer.
39:00 - Dan sends Phil to get what Phil got Dan for his birthday. Dan waxes poetic about how perfect it is. Normally Phil buys Dan like three things, but this time he got Dan a single more expensive thing.
40:04 - "This is the only thing I want. It's literally the only thing I want."
40:12 - Phil also got Dan some chocolate, but they ate it. (Dan clarifies that Phil ate most of it.)
40:16 - Dan says he nearly cried at the gift.
40:39 - Phil's next video did not go into subscription boxes. It was definitely a youtube glitch, they came with references.
40:59 - American themed videos to come.
41:15 - Dan commits to a max of (1) non-tour-trailer video between now and September.
41:38 - Dan says thank you love you bye bye as he scoots on that backwards trajectory, cursing our long memories the entire time
41:45 - Watch this space for the next Sims video; they've already made it.
42:07 - Dan and Evan are gonna bone, and Dan says happy pride month.
42:22 - They're hungry and put the responsibility of Chinese or Indian on us.
42:42 - They're enjoying IG stories but Phil's not here for shading Twitter.
43:26 - Phil starts singing American Boy. Dan: "What have I done to this person?"
43:37 - Dan says, "We aren't talking at the moment." meaning him and Kanye but Phil misses the Kanye reference and says in the tiniest most hurt voice ever, "Why aren't we talking?"
43:45 - Phil suddenly gets it. Dan shouty-splains something Phil clearly already knows.
44:17 - Phil: "Kanye is canceled. Listen to Sophie." Dan tries to fold in on himself in a way that's not humanly possible.
44:37 - Phil tummy rumbles. Give the man some fried rice.
but two things I absolutely adored in the livestream (when I was finally able to see the whole thing tysm):
lol 'bloom' thx Troye fvr ruined :bigthumbsup: and both boys seemed really proud of their collective merch and ideas, yay confidence!
That woman has helped me so much become more comfortable with my yet to be labelled, non-straight sexuality 
daily request for a new dinof video
dan howell gives me life 
and 3) dinof videos aren't usually my cup of tea anyway.
ALL OF THIS. SO MUCH. 