Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by itasca00 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 4:43 pm

Auckland - 29 August 2018

Intro Banter
D: So, Auckland, how are you doing tonight? Are you guys good? *audience screams* Alright, that is what I like to hear, and this is our first time ever being in New Zealand, people. [unintelligible] I came here when I was nine, but Phil--
P: It’s my first time here!
D: [unintelligible] I’m so happy that we finally made it, honestly. [unintelligible] first like, you know, *overly sweet, high voice* “We did it. We’re here!” Phil, you’ve been here for like three days.
P: Yeah.
D: What is your honest review of New Zealand?
P: I would give it ten kiwis out of ten!
D: Okay, look. Kiwis, they’re very small creatures…
P: They are!
D: So is that a good thing? Because that could be offensive.
P: No, they are beautiful, just like New Zealand!
D: Yeah! Aw, you’re all sexy little hobbits. That’s rude. That’s a gross stereotype.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: I’m really sorry. Okay.
P: Yeah.
D: We are so-- We are literally the furthest place away from the UK that we could be right now.
P: We’re so far!
D: Literal opposite side of the planet right now.
P: Yeah.
D: Why do people live here? Okay, you look at like Europe, America… It’s like, there’s all these places to go. It’s like, New Zealand!
P: Yeah.
D: It’s like, you literally tried to just be as far away from the rest of humanity as possible.
P: I think so.
D: And I relate to that spiritually. Right, [unintelligible].
P: That’s why you’re so at home here.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What job would Phil have if YouTube didn’t exist?
D: Implying that Phil has any employable skills.
P: Hey! It’s them that’s meant to be roasting me, not you!
D: Alright, yeah, sure, yeah. What were you going to say?
P: I mean, I’d make a good...person with a job.
D: A good person with a job. Okay.
P: Yeah.
D: He’s really thought about it, guys. Better not[sic] subscribe! There is no backup plan. Right.

- a terrible weatherman
P: Oh, my gosh! Sam, it was my dream to be a weatherman as a child.
D: Sam, you just killed his dream by saying that, you do realize?
P: I mean, I don’t know my left and my right, so that would be pretty terrible. Wouldn’t it?
D: I don’t feel like that’s a good trait in a weatherman.
P: No!
D: And over here is the hurricane. Oh, whoops! It was over there. You’re almost dead.

- an annoying receptionist
P: I think I’d probably be one of those people that just keep talking to everyone for far too long.
D: *high voice* “Oh, my God! Ahkdwncjsnd!” *normal voice* “Yeah, yeah, can you photocopy this please?” Coffee spill! “Whoops, I’m zany.” Yep, that’ll be Phil. Okay.
P: I think it would.

- a ray of sunshine
D: Oh. *barfing sound* Okay.
P: I’d want it--
D: It’s supposed to be a roast. What?
P: I’d want it because I’m so pale.
D: Ho, ho.
P: The sun just reflects off me into your faces.
D: Honestly, Phil had to wear SPF 50 for babies when he was in Australia.
P: I did.
D: Okay. And it’s winter.
P: Yeah.
D: This man’s in serious danger right now.

Phil's chosen answer: a terrible weatherman

Dan's question: What is hidden in Dan’s browsing history?
D: Oh, I like that that’s your reaction to Phil reading the question. Really, people? What do you think of me?
P: Let’s see what’s hidden in Dan’s incognito tab.

- furry propaganda
D: Been in New Zealand for like five minutes on stage and our first furry joke. Okay, thank you very much. There it is.

- DIY your own coffin
P: I mean, it would be black. Wouldn’t it?
D: And that, everybody, is a big mood right there. Okay. Literally me right now. *fake laugh*
P: It would be black and smell of trash.

- Phil Lester smiling pics
D: Do you wanna know what’s in my browsing history? Phanfictions where Phil dies.
P: Oh!
D: Yeah. That’s what I mean. It’s like, “and then Phil with his generic terminal illness passed away, and Dan was finally free!”
P: Oh, my God. Right, but for real, why do I always die in the Phanfictions?
D: I don’t know because you would be killed by a kiwi, Phil. It’s like, nature. He really wouldn’t survive it.
P: No.

Dan's chosen answer: furry propaganda

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?
D: Great!
P: Oh, my God.
D: I love my audience fantasizing about my death. Okay. This should be fun.

- not enough sunlight
D: Yup.
P: There we go.
D: It’s the truth.
P: It is.
D: Can I confess something?
P: No.
D: Prior to coming to this theatre, I didn’t leave a hotel room for two days. That’s true.
P: No, it was--it was twenty-four hours--was before now.
D: It--it was like dinner, and then we’re here.
P: I was like, Dan!
D: That’s like thirty-eight hours, maybe.
P: You hibernated like some kind of animal.
D: I ordered room service three times, and the same woman came every time. She was like, “Here’s your breakfast! Here’s your lunch.” And then by dinner she was like, “Are you okay?” I was like, “Don’t look at me!”

- filming Phil is not on fire 76
D: Awww.
P: How will we die?
D: Just natural causes.
P: Oh.
D: I’ll just give up.
P: The sharpie fumes will finally get to us.
D: Definitely. Or, falling off a chair. I think that either of those things could happen. Very realistic.

- pecked to death by kiwis
P: See? That’s why we shouldn’t have [unintelligible].
D: You can imagine Phil being like, “I’d just like a little selfie.” Jugular! There we go. It could happen.
P: It could.
D: Phil, stay away from wildlife, alright?
P: Okay.
D: He got handsy with the koala that one time, so keep him away from kiwis.

Their chosen answer: not enough sunlight
D: It’s true. It’s true. The D that we crave is an essential vitamin, people. We really--we don’t have enough of it.
P: No.
What's in Dan's Box?
- a poster of Gerard Way
- cereal
- a tiny family of rats
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - sixty million bees
D: You might be thinking quite selfishly if we were trapped here with over sixty million bees then they would sting me, and I will die. But, look, you don’t matter. Okay? You know what matters? The ecosystem! Okay? Yeah! You wanna know the tea? The tea is colony collapse disorder, people. Okay, that’s a thing. [unintelligible] *high voice* “Oh! Oh, don’t sting my face!” They’ll be like, “Oh, they’re so loud!” *normal voice* No! We need to protect the environment, okay, and I would happily let them sting me all over because bees are more important than people. Am I right everybody?

Phil - the perfect sandwich
P: I mean, who’s to say who is the sandwich for? It might not be for a human. What if it’s the perfect sandwich for an alien, and their favorite food is babies? So, you’re starting to eat a baby sandwich when you’re an alien!

Dan - movie spoilers
D: Some things, okay. Spoilers can be good when a movie is just so traumatizing that a human can’t handle surprise. Okay. Because, hey, I was like, I don’t want to know any Infinity Wars spoilers. Okay, and then I went to--I was blind! I was blind. I was vulnerable. And then all the way halfway through the movie, let’s just say I didn’t feel so good! [unintelligible] Who here will be heartbroken for the rest of their lives? Obviously. Exactly! Exactly! Boom.

Phil - free Wi-Fi
P: Free Wi-Fi is free for a reason, and that reason is that the government can see everything that you’re doing. So looking at your Wattpad account [unintelligible], and they are spying through your webcam.

Dan - kicking a child
D: Look. Sometimes kicking a child is the good thing to do. No, right, look. There are several situations where a child is doing something bad, and you need to save them. Like, if a child is about to eat something sugary and it’s like, “No, you should care about oral hygiene, young child.” Okay, if a child was running towards an old lady with a knife, what would you do? Okay. I’m just saying there are certain situations where you need to drop kick that bitch. Okay. [unintelligible] It will be fine! Probably. But you’re doing it for some better reason, and that’s why it’s...

Phil - endless chocolate
P: Oh, okay. So, at first, when the chocolate starts breaking into the theatre, we’re all like, “Ooh, yas. Let’s have a lick of the floor.” But then it keeps rising. It keeps rising, and then we’re swimming in chocolate, having a lovely time. But what happens when it reaches the ceiling? And then we’re drowning in the chocolate? And the last thing we see is chocolate in our brain.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections - word: New Zealand things
P: hobbits
D: kiwis

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What was Phil’s first ever Instagram post?
D: How the hell would I know that? Are you kidding me?
P: Are you a good friend or not?
D: A good friend? Who the hell knows their friend’s first Instagram post? Oh. Really? Really? Okay, nerd. Right. Fine. You were looking at me like, “*snorts* You don’t know Phil’s first Instagram post?” Okay, nerds.
P: I feel like you’ve been stalling for time. What was it, Dan?
D: I dunno. A Christmas tree?
P: No!
D: Ow! Frick. Yeah, same. What do you want? This show’s still monetized. What?
P: It was actually a sign in Florida that said, “Do not harass the alligator.”
D: Okay, there we go. Wow, thank you! How didn’t I know that? I’m terrible! Right.
P: Exactly.

Phil's question: What annoys Dan the most in the world?
D: Alright.
P: In the world?
D: I, eh, you know. I have an answer to this. And it is like, not the most annoying thing.
P: Yeah.
D: Let’s just go with frequency. What annoys me the most often in the world?
P: When...a moth flies into your laptop screen.
D: No!
P: Ow!
D: Do you wanna know what it is?
P: What?
D: When you leave the freakin’ cupboards open!
P: Oh.
D: That is the answer!
P: Why?
D: You are like--Why? You can tell when Phil’s been in the kitchen because literally every single door is just fully open, okay.
P: But think about it. What is even the point of a cupboard door if you’re just gonna open it anyway?
D: Um, okay. Okay. Well, this is…
P: Now you don’t need to open it!
D: You wanna know what kind of a monster this man is? Phil is the kind of person that will not only steal your cereal, okay. He will finish a box of food and leave the empty box in the cupboard! Exactly! Exactly! Thank you! Thank you! Alright.
P: I’m a growing boy!
D: Phil will be nine foot twelve the next time he comes to New Zealand. Alright.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil gets it wrong. Dan gets it wrong.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Phil is falling off the Sky Tower, but, to save him, you can never use the internet again.
D: Oh, my God. Kate, you sick freak. How could you even suggest that?
P: Dan, you can’t let me fall off the Sky Tower!
D: I’m trying to imagine a scenario where me avowing to never use the internet would save you from falling, but that’s not the point! Okay. Would I do that? Well, what floor of the Sky Tower are you falling from? Because--
P: I think it’s the top floor.
D: Okay, um. What are you landing on? Is it like a big bouncy castle or something? Because like, right.
P: No. Save me!
D: I feel like Phil is probably bouncy, like a cat, so he, he [unintelligible].
P: What!?
D: How seriously are we taking--
P: Seriously!
D: Do you want me to say what I’d actually do in this situation?
P: Yeah!
D: If Phil was going to literally fall off a tower and die, I would not use the internet again. I would save him.
P: Awww!
D: Do you think I would have just been like, “Alright, see you later, mate.” Boom! Okay.
P: Maybe.
D: Alright.

Phil's dilemma: Dan is about to be trampled by a horse, but, to stop it, you have to make out with the horse.
P: I’m not gonna make out with the horse! This isn’t Horse Prince in real life!
D: We have a roney in the audience, people.
P: No.
D: This is [unintelligible].
P: But, Dan.
D: Let’s get out the shaming cone right now for Amalia. What?
P: I think… I--I--I don’t think the horse would kill you. I me--
D: There are some people on the internet that would love to make out with a horse, alright. You’re saying you that wouldn’t do that to save--
P: Also, you could make a YouTube video: “I was trampled by a horse. Not clickbait!”
D: Are you serious?
P: No!
D: Oh, my God! No! Bad friend!
Real Conversation Time
The tour is nearly over. What is your favorite thing about being on tour?
D: Wow! Uh, well, firstly, can you believe that this tour that we talked about last November is about to end? We are all dying!
P: It’s happened so fast!
D: What have you done with the last year of your life? Ha, ha, ha. Aaaah! Okay, no, well, honestly, what’s the best thing about being on tour?
P: Yeah?
D: I’m gonna have to say: meeting our audience. You really are.
P: Aww!
D: Okay, right. Seriously. When everything we do is on the internet, it’s very hard for us to understand how real it is. Right?
P: Yeah.
D: Like when everything’s just a number or a comment. It’s so hard for us to realize that when we say something--Is that actually having any effect on people? And just to see people in real life that go, *high voice* “Hey. That thing you did. It made me laugh once.” *normal voice* I’m like, “My life has meaning!” So thank you!
P: I also think--
D: Sorry, I feel like Wholesome Howell is leaking.
P: Wholesome Howell is leaking!
D: But I’m gonna try to control it. Okay, so, what’s your answer, Phil?
P: I mean, I’m really just--just enjoyed traveling and seeing new places like beautiful New Zealand!
D: Because unless you’re a Lord of the Rings nerd, why the hell would you come here? I’m kidding! I just said you were my favorite part! Get over it! Okay, that was a joke.
P: Okay.
D: [unintelligible] is it traveling for you?
P: Yeah, I think so.
D: And that comes from a man who suffers from immense travel sickness.
P: Yeah. That means a lot.
D: Don’t worry. There’s still time that Phil could throw up on you here in the audience.
P: Watch out.
D: Okay.
I just moved to the North Island, and I have no friends. Help!
D: Is anyone here from the South Island? *audience cheers* *stage whisper* They’re the people that were cheering for furries and Satan.
P: I think they were.
D: [unintelligible] the South Island people. Okay.
P: I say, if you want an opportunity to make new friends, now is probably the best time because you are surrounded by people with similar interests.
D: Literally, you are in a room full of people that all just yee’d at the same time. Okay. You will literally never be with a bigger bunch of weirdos in your entire life. Okay? So, if you don’t have any friends, be like, “What’s your Twitter?” And then they we go.
P: Yeah, so, do that, em, and then hopefully that will help, and you’ll make a friend.
D: But, hey, who needs friends on the same island as you when you have the internet? Am I right? Exactly! Real life is way overrated.
P: It is.
I have a crush, but I don’t think I’m cool enough for him. Will I be a lonely nerd forever?
P: Oh! Ben!
D: It’s--Look. Okay.
P: I mean, if they don’t love you for being a nerd, then they’re not worth it anyway!
D: Yes! Exactly! Thank you! That is the right answer. You should never change yourself for anybody, okay.
P: No.
D: You go up to that person, and you say, “Do you like watching Yuri on Ice and crying at 4am? ‘Cuz if you don’t, you don’t deserve me!” Okay, because, as we established, the people are yee’ing. There’s probably some weird anime-watching weirdos out there, so you do you, Ben. We love you for who you are.
P: Yeah. So, good luck with that.
D: I feel like you actually just gave good advice there. Well done, Phil!
Thanks to CrzyFandoMGrl for providing show audio!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Mon Sep 17, 2018 5:29 pm

Sydney - 2 September 2018

Coming soon!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by itasca00 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 6:14 pm

Sydney - 3 September 2018

Intro Banter
D: ‘Sup, Sydney? How are you this evening? *crowd screams* Are you good? It’s a good thing you made a noise because, if you didn’t, that woulda been hella awkward.
P: Yeah. And welcome to our very last show in Australia!
D: We have been in Australia for, like, two and a half weeks now and not seen a single insect, and that’s a win. That’s a win. Everyone’s like, “Oh, Dan. It’s called winter. Do you understand?” And I’m like, “I don’t care. Shut up.” Right, look.
P: It’s spring now.
D: I come here, and I’m just like, Spider! Where is it? Okay. I go in the shower, and I’m like. *audience laughter* You see one video on the internet, and you’re like, Australia: the toilets want to kill you.
P: They do.
D: Honestly. So, as long as we survive the next like six hours.
P: Yeah.
D: It’s gonna be a win. It’s a win.
P: I know. I have been checking, though. [unintelligible] So, I feel like we’ve been in Australia so long, I’ve started to pick up *starts bad Australian accent* the accents, mates.
D: It’s been every single day.
P: I know.
D: Like, Please release me from this hell.
P: *bad Australian accent* But, Dan, it’s been such a bonza time!
D: Okay. I’m like, You’re the ones that should be offended, but I’m the one that’s in pain because of this. Get it out of your system, Phil.
P: It’s out. It’s out.
D: Although, actually, speaking of nearly surviving…
P: Yeah.
D: ...I almost died of fright earlier today.
P: Oh, yeah.
D: So, right. Priorities. This morning, went outside, got a bath bomb. Obviously what’s important in life. [unintelligible] Yeah, bath bombs! Aaaah! Yeah, um. It’s what’s important in life. So, there I was. Put it in the thing. Plop. Put a little boomerang with my little Shrek swamp. It was all good. I get in. I’m having a nice intimate time. I--Okay, that sounds weird.
P: That sounds weird.
D: I was having a bath.
P: Intimate.
D: And all of the sudden, there was this, Knock, knock, knock. “Housekeeping!” on the door, and I was like, “Well, okay, I’m in the bath.” And then she’s like, “Can I come in?” And Phil goes, “Yes.” In the bedroom.
P: I mean, I didn’t know you were in the bath!
D: Phil--Phil just sat--You--You literally knew I was in the--Where did you think I was?
P: I don’t know.
D: Okay, alright. So, anyway, Phil’s like, “Yeah, come in.” And I’m just like, What? No. And then she goes, “Can I put some fresh towels in the bathroom?” Phil goes, “Sure.” [unintelligible] I’m like, What is he doing? I just scream, “No!”
P: "No!"
D: And then I don’t hear a noise. I just hear the door close.
P: Yeah.
D: So what the hell was she thinking?
P: She just left.
D: She comes in. “Can I put some towels in?” “Yes.” “No!”
P: What was happening in there?
D: Um, so, we’re probably going to get deported, uh, ‘cuz they think that we’re up to some strange illegal activities. So thanks for that, Phil.
P: No worries.
D: Watch my back. Great friend.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What does Phil dream about at night?
D: You think this man is innocent? What is hiding in those dreams? Alright. What did you have to say?
P: What say you?

- being chased by an emo fringe
P: Oh, my gosh! Dylan! It’s so true!
D: He gets like *says first four notes from the theme of The Twilight Zone* and then he tries to talk just like, “I’m your fringe for life, Phil!”
P: No!
D: “Put me on your face!” You’re just like, *high voice* “No! No! I just--it’s been ten years. Let me go!” Okay.
P: After I cut it off, I was tempted to keep it in my bedside drawer just in case I need to stick it back on again. You know. You never know how things are going to turn out.
D: That’s not really weird. Okay, fine.

- Riverdale, but everyone’s a corgi
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: Let’s be real. That would be better than regular Riverdale.
P: I mean, hello! Netflix would need to commission eight series of that after watching that.
D: Exactly! A corgi wearing a hat. “I’m a weirdo.” I can see that.

- Dan
P: It’s Dan screaming stealing all his cereal. That’s what it is.
D: Oh, what? You actually having dreams where you’re guilty about stealing cereal?
P: Yeah.
D: I don’t believe that, Phil.
P: Whatever.
D: I don’t believe it. It’s just. I think your dreams are a giant crunchy nut cornflake trying to eat you for revenge.
P: Yeah.
D: That would make sense.

Phil's chosen answer: Riverdale, but everyone’s a corgi

Dan's question: What form of torture would make Dan confess everything?
D: Cool. This should be really fun. I’m excited. This will be great.

- making him wear color
D: No! No!
P: You wore it in the latest gaming channel video.
D: It was on brand. Okay. So it will be like, “Tell me your deepest, darkest secret.” “No.” “Here’s a yellow T-shirt” “Aaah!” Yeah, that would happen. That would happen.

- being on a plane with Phil
D: Thank you! Thank you!
P: Hey!
D: That is entirely accurate right there!
P: I’m fun on a plane!
D: Wait, do you know how long we flew to get to Melbourne? Sixteen and a half hours, people!
P: Yeah.
D: Can you ima--[unintelligible] like, “Oh, but it’s sixteen and a half hours of Phil would be so--” No!
P: It’s fun!
D: Okay. Ten minutes in when he goes, “I spy with my little eye.” Okay. I was literally like, Okay. Emergency hatch. See you later! Oop.
P: You loved it!

- “HELLO INTERNET.” played on loop
P: Hello, internet.
D: There it is.
P: “What are the nuclear codes?” “Hi! My name is [Dan].” Boom.
D: Right. That was worse than the yeast moment. Thank you, everybody for listening to that. You made it about five minutes, and we have our first “HELLO INTERNET.” reference.
P: Right. What’s your fave?
D: I’m disappointed, but I’m not surprised.

Dan's chosen answer: being on a plane with Phil.

Joint Dan and Phil question: If they released a fragrance, what would it be called?
D: Answering the eternal question: What do Dan and Phil smell like? *snorts* Okay, yeah.
P: Let’s have a little sniff.
D: I’m really scared to see. If anyone says “yeast,” I’m just gonna leave.

- Le phrangrance du phanie
P: Am I saying that right?
D: I think so. I like that that’s horrible, but it actually sounds fancy.
P: It does.
D: If you put “le” in front of anything, it’s like, Ooh. Okay, sure.
P: Le yeast.
D: Don’t think about what that--No, okay. Apart--apart from “le yeast.” Okay. Jesus.

- dreams and memes
P: I like that one!
D: That is accurate, right there.
P: I would buy that!
D: Would you?
P: Coming to dan and phil shop!
D: Which meme would it smell like, though? That’s the question. Okay.
*audience yells*
P: Pepe.
D: Pepe. You’re ri--slimy frog. That’s the Phil part. Right.
P: Hey!

- trash juice
P: Henry! That’s a burn!
D: Thanks, Henry. If you got an ibis that you want to lure into your house, just be like, “Here you go! Here’s some Dan and Phil fragrance.” Right, um. Golly, gosh. I’m offended.

Their chosen answer: dreams and memes
What's in Dan's Box?
- Dan’s feelings
- Bowser x reader yaoi
- the real Phil (the one on stage is a robot)
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - Fortnight dances in real life
D: Oh, God! No! Oh, my God. The cringe! Oh, my God. Does anybody here have like that younger person in their life that’s obsessed with Fortnight? It’s just like, okay.
P: Dan. How is it a good thing?
D: It’s a good thing because whether you like it or not, you are forced to deal with it. You might be like, Lalala. I don’t wanna know. But you can’t avoid it, and before you know it, you’re walking along, and you’re like, Oh, I can do it! [unintelligible] Oh, look what I can do! Look, exactly! And, you know, I would probably be twice as heavy if I didn’t know how to floss right now, and that’s because I love...Fortnight dancing videos?
P: No! They’re not agreeing with you there.
D: I’m sorry. Flossing is the only exercise I’ve gotten in the last five months. I’m not even joking. Standing on the stage and occasionally going *flosses, presumably*
P: I mean, you got quite good at it.

Phil - free Wi-Fi
P: Free Wi-Fi. You might think it’s a good thing. But that means that all of the government can see all of the websites that you’re looking at! So you’re browsing Wattpad, [unintelligible] Twitter, and they’re reading everything! And not only that, they’re watching everything through their webcams.

Dan - Thanos
D: No! No! Too soon for this. God. Hey. Maybe Thanos had a point. Okay? Look, no. The problem with Infinity Wars is it was random. I think that there’s several things that we could decide that are objectively bad. People that like pineapple on pizza. There we go. Easy as that! Exactly! People that don’t like vegemite. Bam! There you go. I’m sorry, freaks survived! Exactly! I’m sorry, Phil. You gotta go. People that like Fortnight dances in real live. Click, click. Clickity-clack. Clang. Boom. I’m sorry, Phil, but you’re not gonna feel so good because you deserve to go.

Phil - grandmas’ hugs
P: Okay. I mean, who’s grandma is it? What if it’s not your grandma? So, what if you’re asleep, and you wake up in the middle of the night, and there is a grandma stood in your room? And she’s like, *high voice* “Hello. I’m here for my hug, child.” And then she squeezes you with her bony arms, and you die.

Dan - the sun exploding
D: What? Okay, actually. You know what, Maddie, this is an easy one. Well, what is definitely the worst thing about our universe? Humanity. I like that. There we go. Exactly! No. We have been a civilized society for so long, and look what we’ve done to the place. We’re probably going to take away--killing all the animals. I say: the sooner the sun explodes and destroys all life in the Milky Way, the better for the rest of the universe. Right? So, Mr. Sun, if you are up there listening right now, I say, “Crisp me up, Daddy. I’m ready to go.” Thank you. Thank you.

Phil - infinite puppies
P: Oh! Okay. Infinite puppies. I mean, you might think that’s a great thing. They start running into the theatre, and we’re all playing with them. Then they keep coming. Then they keep coming. And then, all the sudden, we’re drowning in puppies! And you can’t breathe! And there’s a tail in your mouth! And then you die.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: things you find in Sydney
P: Us!
D: Dan and Phil!

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What was Phil’s guinea pig called?
D: What?
P: You should know this.
D: But you had like ninety animals.
P: No, I had--
D: This weirdo used to breed hamsters. [unintelligible], okay.
P: I did, but I only had one guinea pig, and I never breeded it. It was just one animal!
D: Well, how many hamsters did you have?
P: I had about twenty hamster, but that’s--
D: What the h--right, I--Oh, my God. Okay. I think I might know this, which is so lame.
P: Go on.
D: Was your guinea pig called Rolo?
P: Yes!
D: Yes! Yes! Yes! Boom. What? You doubted me! No, okay. Phil--What?
P: It was the worst animal ever. It was terrified of me.
D: I wonder why. Maybe because you kept going like this with your hamsters, “Yes!” Okay, alright.

Phil's question: Who is Dan’s favorite Simpsons character?
P: Oh!
D: This is a good one. This is the kind of thing you should know...
P: I should know.
D: ...about your closest friends, okay.
P: Ooh. Okay.
D: And there is an answer for this.
P: Who is your favorite?
D: Uh huh. Come on, then, let’s hear it. Come on, Phil. Take is seriously.
P: Lisa Simpson!
D: No! The answer is Marge.
P: Oh!
D: Marge is the best one. Yeah, exactly.
P: Really?
D: Marge is literally the funniest character!
P: Yeah, she is pretty funny.
D: She's just always in the back being like, “Hmm.”

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil gets it wrong. Dan gets it right.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Phil doesn’t need glasses anymore, but Dan now has giant ears.
D: What?
P: Dan!
D: Okay.
P: You could use them like Dumbo and flap around.
D: Okay, firstly, thank you for saying that Dumbo is valid because you’re all beautiful no matter how big your ears are.
P: Yeah.
D: But, *high voice* dkldnlcsdksln! Do I need giant ears to just--You wear contact lenses, and that’s fine.
P: I know but sometimes--
D: Who here thinks that Phil looks lovely in his glasses? *audience screams* Are you--right. If we’re taking this seriously--
P: Yes!
D: Would I have giant ears for you to not wear glasses? No! There is obviously not--
P: Bad friend!

Phil's dilemma: Dan’s buddy is in London, but Phil has to lose a finger.
D: (aside, after he’s read the first part of the dilemma) Finally, hashtag Dick will be real.
P: What!? I mean, to be honest, if you’re not going to have giant ears, I’m not gonna chop my finger off.
D: You would not chop off a finger for me?
P: No!
D: Take this, Phil. Bad friend! I cannot believe you would not lose a finger for me to have a selfie with somebody.
P: Oh, my goodness.
D: What a bad person. Literally.
P: I need each of my fingers for different reasons.
D: I literally don’t think you even intended anything weird by that.
P: No.
D: Okay, there we go.
Real Conversation Time
Hi, Dan and Phil. Are you sad to be leaving Australia? Any highlights?
P: I'm so sad to be leaving Australia!
D: I am totally--no offense to Manila--I am sad to be leaving Australia!
P: I know! I’ve had such a fun time!
D: We got frickin’ hailed on in Melbourne.
P: Yeah.
D: And I was like... I mean, troll weather.
P: I saw my first whales in real life. That was incredible.
D: Exactly! That was in a [unintelligible]. He has literally slammed dozens of packets of Tim Tams down his throat--
P: Yeah.
D: --while he’s been here. Uh, he actually made a [unintelligible] to try every flavor, and he has now.
P: I have. White chocolate wins.
D: Yeah, white chocolate is officially his favorite flavor.
P: It is!
D: [unintelligible]
P: But, the best thing is: the Australian audience has been so fantastic! So, thank you!
D: Aww. And it’s true. The fact that we have literally gone to the other side of the planet earth--
P: Yeah.
D: --and people will actually leave their house to come see us--
P: I know.
D: --that’s amazing.
P: Yeah.
D: We appreciate that.
P: Thanks so much.
D: That makes it even more sad.
Any advice for a shy person starting university?
D: Ooh, okay. That’s a good one.
P: See, that’s a tough one. I was quite shy starting university as well.
D: Yeah.
P: And I think the thing is: You need to realize everyone that’s starting is in the same boat, and they’re all worried. They’ve got all this stuff going through their head as well. So you shouldn’t worry too much about it because you can just say, “Hi” to someone, and they’re not gonna be like, “Who’s this weirdo?” They’re gonna be like--
D: Oh, thank God!
P: Oh, someone’s talking to me!
D: A nice person! Thank you!
P: Yeah. And there’s also, like, loads of societies and things like that you can join.
D: Yes! Start the Shrek society.
P: Exactly!
D: You can judge your friends. There we go.
P: Or clubs and things like that.
D: Honestly, like, the secret to life is realizing that you might feel like you’re the only one that’s feeling really shy and nervous. Literally everybody feels just as anxious about everything all the time. Okay. We are all freaking out constantly. That is the secret.
P: Yeah.
D: So if you’re like, “I’m scared to go into this room and talk to somebody.” That is how everybody feels! And if you just go, “Hi.” They’ll be like, *high voice* Thank you for sending this person into my life!
P: Yeah.
D: So you do it. And start the Shrek club.
P: Yes. Good luck at uni, Becca.
Would you change anything about your YouTube career?
D: Oooh. Okay. Golly, gosh. Well, you know, the year was 2005. I was signing up for a YouTube channel.
P: Yeah.
D: “Come up with a username,” it said. “danisnotonfire,” I type. Okay. But honestly, right, people say that, “Dan, you’re a man that has so many regrets. ”
P: Yeah.
D: "What would you change?” Like, I get it, right.
P: Yeah.
D: Like, people think, Oh, God. We’ve all done so many embarrassing things! There’s so many things that we all regret so much. But every embarrassing, awful thing that happens to us in our lives just makes you the person that you are today. If I didn’t call myself danisnotonfire [unintelligible] for me for ten years, I wouldn’t be here right now in front of you! Exactly! So, remember the cringe will turn into a fringe, and then you’ve rebranded, and that’s a [unintelligible].
P: Wow, I think that was quite a wholesome way to end it.
D: *barfing noise* Sorry, Wholesome Howell is leaking.
Thanks to toodlehowell and darlakoala for providing show audio!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Tue Sep 18, 2018 10:16 pm

Manila - 13 Sept 2018

Coming soon!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by itasca00 » Tue Sep 18, 2018 10:52 pm

Singapore - 15 September 2018

Intro Banter
D: So, Singapore, how are you doing tonight? Are you guys good? Yeah? Alright.
P: Well, I have to admit that you are good. Can I just say: That was some beautiful singing from everyone.
D: It was. It was. Honestly.
P: It was.
D: After that performance of “The Black Parade,” 2006 Dan is shaking. Okay. He is shaking and crying in a corner somewhere. Woo!
P: Yeah. We’re very happy to be in Singapore. It’s so green!
D: It is. Yeah.
P: It is. It--It’s like--
D: Good description of Singapore there, Phil. It’s green. Okay.
P: It’s like the world of houseplants.
D: Phil! Stay the hell away from Singapore! Okay?
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: You do not touch a single damn plant the whole time we’re here. Okay?
P: Hey! I can keep then alive!
D: It will be like the great death of every plant in Singapore. “What happened?” “Phil arrived.” You have that talent. Like, seriously.
P: I do. I try so hard, but everything just dies around me.
D: It’s very moist as well, though. I am gonna say.
P: Don’t say moist!
D: Okay, right. No. No, that is literally the one time “moist” is the correct word to use. Okay?
P: Okay.
D: This is a moist climate.
P: It is.
D: And that’s just a fact. Straight hair Dan would have been having the worst time of his life here. Okay? Honestly.
P: But the curls are working!
D: But hobbit Dan is thriving!
P: Yeah!
D: [unintelligible] I’m so well hydrated right now.
P: Also, I’m very excited because this show is the one with the biggest screen we’ve ever had!
D: Yes! That is a...
P: Look at this!
D: That screen is thicc. [unintelligible]
P: Yeah! I mean, it’s got stairs!
D: Back it up, little screen. Okay, Phil, you stay the hell away from those stairs.
P: I know.
D: Okay. He has not--He has not trained for stairs. Okay?
P: I need to be careful!
D: This is a level of complexity, but, also, um...
P: I’m just making sure I’ve got my bearings.
D: Why would you even joke about that?
P: I know.
D: There is a big possibility Phil will fall off the stage and die this evening, so…
P: Please catch me.
D: What did you cheer for there. *high voice* “Yes, Phil dying! Woo! Woo!” *normal voice* Um, yeah--yeah. We’re very excited. I’m frickin’ zazzed ‘cuz I had a load of kaya spread this morning. So--so good. Phil, you need to get on it.
P: I need to get on it. I might have some tomorrow morning.
D: A lot of sugar, so Phil would enjoy it.
P: Yeah.
D: Right.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
P: Oh, no.
D: Implying that Phil has ever done an exercise.
P: I mean, as long as it doesn’t involve stairs or stages, I think I’ll be okay.
D: Yes. Totally!

- killing plants
D: Yes! Yes! Okay. True.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: Only facts in this house, people.
P: I know.
D: Okay.
P: Some people have green fingers. I’ve got brown death fingers.
D: That sounds really--Hey, does anybody remember Loki the Cactus? That cactus that was in Phil’s [unintelligible].
P: Oh!
D: Phil, how is Loki the Cactus doing? Because we haven’t heard about him for a while.
P: He just went on holiday to the beach.
D: He dead, guys. He’s dead AF. Loki--
P: I’m sorry!
D: Loki the Cactus is doing about as well as Loki after Infinity War.
P: No!
D: [unintelligible]
P: Dan! Too soon!

- stealing cereal
D: Yes, thank you!
P: Look!
D: Expose him! Thank y--
P: Dan!
D: What?
P: I’m a growing boy. I need my nutrients.
D: You’re still growing?
P: Yes.
D: Next time Phil is in Singapore, he will be nine foot twelve.
P: I will.
D: Okay, sure. Fine.

- making everyone smile
P: Awww!
D: *barfing noise* Okay.
P: I got a nice one!
D: I’m sorry. No. No. This is supposed to be a roast.
P: Yeah.
D: Not a frickin’ sprinkle or whatever.
P: Sprinkle?

Phil's chosen answer: killing plants.

Dan's question: What does Dan dream about at night?
P: Oooh.
D: I like that that’s your reaction to Phil reading the question. Seriously, people. Okay.

- buying a fursuit
D: No! There it is. [unintelligible] Been here for what? Five minutes? We have our first furry joke, everybody. Thank you, Claudia.
P: Good job.
D: Immediately disappointed. Okay. Thanks very much. Fine.

- memes
D: I dream of meme. Yeah, that’s my whole life.
P: *to the tune of “I Dreamed a Dream”* You dreamed a dream of memes gone by! *audience screams* I couldn’t resist.
D: You just ruined musical theatre forever. Okay.
P: I’m sorry.
D: Okay.
P: Watch out, Carrie.

- serotonin
P: Wow… Wasn’t enough for TomSka. We had to have it again.
D: Damn… Okay, uh, well, you know what, just because it’s only facts, I’m gonna give it to Jasmine. There we go!

Dan's chosen answer: serotonin

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?
D: Great! Great. Wonderful. I love my audience fantasizing about my death. Great.

- lack of vitamin D
P: I mean, I need to wear SPF 500 just to stand under a spotlight.
D: It--It is true.
P: It’s a real problem.
D: Have you seen how pale this man is right now?
P: Yeah.
D: He’s got that rare Voldemort complexion. That’s so hard to protect in a climate like this.
P: Oh, my gosh. I’ll Avada Kedavra you in a minute.
D: Alright. [unintelligible]

- bees
P: Dan dreams of bees.
D: *high voice* What!? *normal voice* No, this is how we’ll die.
P: Oh.
D: *high voice* What does that mean? *normal voice* “Guys, and I hope you’re ready ‘cuz it’s time for the show to start. Release the bees!” No.
P: That’s how we start the show.
D: Again. Ri-- *high voice, I think repeating an audience member’s shout* “Sting me, Phil!” Okay, right.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: At this point, I’m not even surprised.
P: Stop.
D: Okay.

- Dan screaming while gaming
D: Okay. Okay. It’s true. It’s true.
P: Yeah, I mean, my ears still ring on this side ‘cuz that’s where Dan sits.
D: Does anybody in this room even have working ears anymore after watching DanAndPhilGAMES with headphones?
P: No!
D: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. In Spooky Week this year, Phil’s head is just gonna explode like a [unintelligible].
P: I think it is.

Their chosen answer: Dan screaming while gaming
What's in Dan's Box?
- Dan’s leather shirt
- a fursuit
- sugar
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - wet socks
D: Ugh! Wha--How is that a good thing? Okay! Um, look. Look. You know what? Wet socks are actually a great thing. Okay. That moment when you step into your bathroom after getting dressed and you step in a puddle, and you’re like, Wha--no! This is a blessing. Okay? Because you so many things. You can just walk around your bathroom, or you can just--cleaning the floor just by walking around like that. You’re a human mop. You got a little houseplant. It’s dehydrated. You just go, “Here you go, little houseplant.” You got a friend sitting on the sofa. That friend isn’t drinking water. You just stick your sock in their mouth. You go, “Suck on this!” [unintelligible] And that is why wet socks are a good thing.

Phil - flower crowns
P: Uh, I mean, you might think it’s great to wear your flower crown. It’s got--You’ve got your flower crown on, but, if it’s made out of real flowers, what if you’re just wandering through the meadow? And you hear a buzzing behind you. And then a swarm of bees fly towards the crown. And they go in your ears, and then they sting you on the brain.

Dan - killing your best friend
D: Okay. Hey! Hey, you know what? I actually know a situation where this is absolutely the most, you know, natural thing to do.
P: When?
D: When they steal your cereal. Right. Right. Right, right. I know what you’re thinking, Ugh, what? The--The cereal stealing. This is so overdone. You don’t understand, okay. The pain is real. Imagine me. You wake up in the morning. You’re hungry. You go downstairs. Open the cupboard. You look at your favorite five kilogram box of crunchy nut cornflakes. How could that be empty? you think. But then you take it out. You shake it. What comes out? “Bfff.” Dust. Phil is not only the kind of person that steals cereal. He’s the kind of person that finishes food and puts the empty box back in the cupboard. I think situations like that, murder should be legal.

Phil - marshmallows
P: Marshmallows! I mean, you think marshmallows...are great. They’re delicious. But they also created the Chubby Bunny Challenge! Which is, like, one of the worst challenges. ‘Cuz what happens if you keep putting the marshmallows in your mouth until there’s no more room in your mouth, and you can’t breathe? And then, that is the end of you.

Dan - humanity
D: No! No! Hu--humanity is the worst thing about our solar system! Are you kidding me?
P: Ugh. Why is it the worst thing?
D: Adklsfldsyb! Frickin’ polluting the earth and killing all the animals, and there is nothing that--Okay. You are asking me to stand here right now and say something nice about how all humans have a good side and how we’re a good thing and how inside us we all have souls and are beautiful and--No, humans are garbage! I refuse!

Phil - adopting puppies
P: Adopting puppies!? I mean, it doesn’t say how many puppies you’re adopting. What if you adopt a billion puppies? And they all come into the theatre at the same time? So, at first, it’s nice. They’re running around. But then they’re piling up. And then we are just covered in puppies, and we can’t breathe. And then we die.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Singapore stuff
P: Merlion
D: kaya jam

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What was the name of Phil’s first hamster?
D: What!? Didn’t you have like sixty hamsters?
P: Yeah, and they were all important. You should know their names!
D: Okay. Alright, alright, alright. God! Your first hamster--
P: My first one.
D: I feel like I might know this.
P: No, you don’t!
D: Okay...I think it was called Norris.
P: No!
D: Ow! What the--Ffff. Oh, bloody hell. Did you hold that down?
P: Yeah.
D: You’re supposed to tap the button, not hold it down. You d--Okay, right. I’m gonna shock you back for [unintelligible].
P: No! Aah!
D: There you go. Right. Even.
P: Oof.
D: Even. No messing around. Right. What was your hamster called?
P: Henry.
D: He--How the hell was I supposed to know that?
P: You should know that.
D: Did anyone here know that? His first--Lame! Okay. Right.

Phil's question: What time was Dan born?
P: What time?
D: Okay.
P: Um.
D: Yes, very specific.
P: I mean, from your pers--
D: Was this--Was this in The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire?
P: I think it was.
D: Okay. Oh, my God. Well, Phil, if you don’t know this: fake fan.
P: From your personality, I’m thinking it was the middle of the night.
D: I need a--I’m gonna s--giving you an hour and, you know, one of the...other ones. Come on.
P: I think you were born at...four in the morning.
D: Oh, my God! That’s correct!
P: Wahahaha!
D: That...was a lucky guess.
P: Yeah, I was just--
D: Okay. You know that, don’t you?
P: Yeah, I was there as a four year-old just like, *high voice* “Hello!”
D: Peeking into my mum’s vagina? That’s a--I--What were you saying there?
P: I don’t know. I don’t know wha--I don’t know what I was saying.
D: Can you please leave my mum out of the show? Right.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil gets it wrong. Dan gets it wrong.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Everyone will forget Dan’s old branding forever (no more square hair), but half of Phil’s meals now have to be cheese.
D: Okay. Okay.
P: Dan! You can’t do that to me!
D: Firstly, isn’t it weird that Phil doesn’t like cheese. Am I right, guys? Exactly! Thank you.
P: I can’t help it!
D: Let’s lactose shame him right the hell now. Okay.
P: I was born with a weird tongue.
D: Loo--Right. You were born with many weird things, Phil.
P: Don’t do this to me, Dan.
D: I would get to live my life in peace.
P: I don’t want to eat cheese!
D: I would get to leave the house without hoards of people going, *high voice* “Hi! My name is [Dan]!”
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: That is--Exactly! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. That’s--Right. Everybody doing that, I mean, right now. I’m gonna find you and block you after this show. Okay. [unintelligible] How hard would it be if you had to eat cheese all the time?
P: I mean, you know me! I can’t have cheese every day!
D: I feel like you need to just nibble some to get used to it. You know what? I’m gonna say no, I would not do that. Are you kidding me?
P: Bad friend!
D: Did you just say, “bad friend”?
P: *screeching* You’d make me eat cheese every day!
D: Oh. Wow, this is getting personal!

Phil's dilemma: Phil’s houseplants will live forever, but Dan will literally be a plant.
P: Oh, my gosh!
D: Okay. So, just so we’re clear, I would be dead. Okay. I would--I wou--
P: You wouldn’t! You’d be a plant! I’d water you! I’d take care of ya. Put ya in the sunshine.
*audience says, “Aww!”*
D: Phil! Wh--Why!? Have you seen this man? Loki. Loki. Infinity War. Loki. Cactus.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: Exactly! This is not an “aww” situation. This is a, “Dear, God! Protect Dan from this monster!”
P: Right. Dan... I mean, as much as I want my plants to live forever--
D: Why do you sound like you’re thinking about this? Come on.
P: I wouldn’t turn you into a plant.
D: Aww! He wouldn’t! Thank you.
P: There you go.
D: Wait, [unintelligible]. I didn’t get to shock you!
Real Conversation Time
Hi, Dan and Phil. What is your favorite thing about Singapore, lads?
D: Oooh. Okay. Nice and relevant.
P: I mean, obviously I love the Merlion.
D: Yes, exactly.
P: Um.
D: Amongst the shrubbery, you have [unintelligible] here also. Okay.
P: As I said earlier--
D: Yeah.
P: --there’s lots of plants everywhere and trees. It’s all so beautiful.
D: Definitely.
P: Yeah? It’s all very clean as well. Isn’t it?
D: Yeah. Tot--I mean, that’s my--Honestly, Singapore is so clean!
P: It is.
D: It’s like, so clean! And I’m saying that because London is so gross. It’s like, literally. I feel like, in Singapore, I could just lick the floor.
P: Dan.
D: And...the--I--I would be infecting the floor.
P: Dan! You’re ruining--
D: I feel like I could cook lunch on the floor and just get naked on the floor. And then lick the floor--
P: Stop it! No! You’re ruining--
D: --and it would make me healthier.
P: You’re ruining--
D: Okay. Sorry. Sorry.
P: --the Singa-floor!
D: I’m gon--Uhhh… Where is that electric shock when we need it?
P: But, no. There is one other thing that I like about Singapore, and that is all of you guys!
D: Awww! *barfing sound* Okay. He said it.
P: Right.
D: He’s right. Nice one. Cheap, easy score there, Phil.
I just got a kitten. Should I name the kitten Henry or Mittens?
P: Ooh.
D: Okay. Okay. Hold up. Hold up. The choice is between Henry--
P: Yeah.
D: --and Mittens?
P: I mean, I’m on team Henry be--
D: How--How would you ever come up with Henry and *high voice* Mittens!?
P: I love--I love--
D: *high voice* How are those things even remotely similar!?
P: I like--I like human--
D: Okay. Woah. Woah. Woah. Right. Right. Right. Right.
P: I like human names for animals.
D: We will leave this--
P: My first hamster was called Henry.
D: --to all of us right now.
P: Yeah.
D: Okay? It’s like the simulation. Who here is on team Henry?
*audience screams*
D: And who here is on team Mittens?
*audience screams*
D: Ooh. That was close. Alright.
P: That was so close! What do you think won, then?
D: I think you have to call it...Menry.
P: Or Hittens. No, I--I think Henry is--
D: Menry Hittens the fourth. There we go. That’s the one. That’s the one I like. Okay. Done. Done. Boom.
Do you have any regrets about your YouTube life?
D: Fff. Okay.
P: Deep.
D: Oh. Well, that’s a fun one. Okay. Well, let’s see. The year was 2006.
P: Yeah.
D: I was signing up to YouTube. ”Enter a username,” it said. And then I typed, “danisnotonfire.”
P: Wow.
D: Right. Right. Right. Right. Look.
P: [unintelligible]
D: Are all people asking, “Dan. You have done so many embarrassing things. You’re a man that must have so many regrets that you just cringe thinking about at night.” And that might be true--
P: Yeah.
D: --but you know what? All of the things that you regret make you the person that you are today. And if I did not call myself danisnotonfire and get cyberbullied for an entire decade by people that I don’t know on the internet, I would not be here in Singapore right now.
P: Aww.
D: So, no reg--okay, maybe a couple regrets--but no regrets!
P: Right. Dan, I hear Wholesome Howell was leaking there.
D: Oh, God! He’s in there somewhere!
Thanks to captaingrahamcr and amazingjupiter for providing show audio!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by alittledizzy » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:20 am

Hong Kong - 18 September 2018

Coming soon!

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Re: Interactive Introverts Fan Submitted Answer Segments (II SPOILERS!)

Post by itasca00 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 11:39 am

Mumbai - 21 September 2018

Intro Banter
D: So, Mumbai, how are you doin’ tonight? Are you guys good? Alright. Finally, Dan and Phil have actually come to India. Thank you.
P: Can I just say: That was some beautiful singing from everyone?
D: It was! Honestly. Well done.
P: It was.
D: That G note. That would have had sixteen year-old Dan [unintelligible].
P: Don’t talk about the G note.
D: Look, I just want to say: People always go, *high voice* “Come to Brazil. Come to Manila.” *normal voice* Come to Mumbai. Okay?
P: Yeah.
D: You guys are loud and proud, and you know how to sing My Chemical Romance.
P: You do.
D: Okay. Well done.
P: We also felt like we should come here because we eat so much Indian food.
D: It’s only fair. It’s only fair. It’s only fair. I’m, like, generally ninety percent rice on a day-to-day basis, so it’s only fair that--yeah.
P: But have you noticed that Dan has been trying some unusual breakfast?
D: Okay. [unintelligible] Right. Unusual for us, and I gotta say: You know, your savory, you know, kind of cakes. That’s really great. It’s good.
P: Woah.
D: Okay. Okay. Okay. Really? Wait. Wait.
P: Oh ho.
D: Wait. Wait the hell up.
P: Okay.
D: Rice for breakfast? No. I’m sorry. That’s [unintelligible]. So, okay. Hey, look. Look. It was really delicious, so, you know, that’s fine.
P: Yeah?
D: It’s just because we’ve been trained to just eat so much sugar. Phil, what did you have for breakfast?
P: I--I--I had some leftover gulab jamun.
D: Okay. Right. Right.
P: That was amazing.
D: That’s--That’s not all we [unintelligible]--We had that yesterday.
P: Yeah.
D: ‘Cuz I ordered it. What did you have for breakfast in India?
P: Oh, I--I had a--a lot of French toast.
D: French toast. Thank you. Thank you. At least I’m trying!
P: I--I ordered the gulab jamun.
D: You did. You [unintelligible].
P: That--That was the thing I ordered.
D: Anyway, uh, so we’re happy to be here--
P: Yes!
D: --right now. One hundred and five percent rice, and we’re really excited to do the show.
Truth Bombs
Phil's question: What imaginary sport would Phil get a medal in?
P: Oof.
D: Implying that Phil has ever done an exercise.
P: I’m...I’m not very athletic.
D: You can say that again.

- killing houseplants
D: [unintelligible] That is some truth, people. Okay?
P: Too soon.
D: Phil’s only talent is murdering succulents that he loves. Okay.
P: Look. I try so hard to keep them alive! Some people have green fingers. I just have brown death fingers.
D: Yes, that’s true. Where--How do you--Who do you think is watering our houseplants while we’re on tour?
P: I don’t know.
D: We don’t have any friends! They are literally all dead.

- unnecessary innuendos
P: What!?
D: Okay. There’s lots of things that aren’t illegal anymore, but there’s lots of things still are. And Phil will say them tonight.
P: Hey! Look.
D: Accidentally, though. Phil’s that kind of person who’s a really pure soul. But, then, he opens his mouth, and horror. Disgusting.
P: Some people have got a filter between their mouth and their brains. I just don’t have that.
D: You just have a lot of sugar between your mouth and your brain.
P: [unintelligible]

- being adorable
D: Okay. Okay. Right. Right. This is supposed to be a roast, people.
P: I’d like to know--I’d like to know how that is a sport.
D: Oh, man.
P: The adorable Olympics.
D: Well, watching you do anything makes me sweat, so that’s fine. Um.
*audience screams*
D: In fear. That like, “Oh, God! There’s a spider!” sweat. That--Okay, right.
P: Okay.

Phil's chosen answer: killing houseplants

Dan's question: What animal does Dan remind you of?
D: Cool. Okay.
P: Ooh.
D: Like, a really cute dog? I dunno. Right. Let’s--Let’s see what they said. I’m ready. [unintelligible] Let’s see.
P: I think this is gonna be three rats.

- a jolly giraffe
D: Okay. Uh, can we not be height-ist in the room right now, please? Thank you.
P: I mean, the word “jolly” is quite nice.
D: I like “jolly”! I--I feel like a giraffe laying face-down on the floor.
P: Yeah.
D: Maybe like, “Oh, is he dead?” “No.”
P: No.
D: “Oh, okay.” Right. Sure. Okay.
P: I--I could knit you a really long, black scarf.
D: Thank you. That would be great.

- an injured gazelle
P: Is that a deer?
D: That’s me: Limping away from my responsibilities. Yes, definitely.
P: And the last one comes from--
D: Being chased by my regrets.

- a brown rat
D: There it is. There it is.
P: There’s the rat.
D: There’s--I--I did not--I did not think for a second I would get through that without a token rat reference. So thank you, Jaden.
P: Yeah.
D: That was wonderful!

Dan's chosen answer: a jolly giraffe

Joint Dan and Phil question: How will they die?
D: Great. Cool.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: Wonderful note. I love my audience fantasizing about my death. This is great.

- leaving candles unattended
D: Yes.
P: That would definitely happen!
D: Phil’s like, “Did we blow out the scented candle?” And I’m like, “Which one? We had six on the go at the same time.”
P: Yeah. At least it would smell very nice when the fire was burning.
D: It would be an amazing fire.
P: Yeah.
D: Okay, right. The amazing flat is on fire. Okay. The latest insurance scam from Dan and Phil. Right.

- lack of vitamin D
D: So true, though.
P: Yeah. I need to wear sun cream just to stand under this spotlight.
D: Have you seen this man? Honestly. He has to wear SPF 512 to go outside in India.
P: I do.
D: He’s honestly so pale.
P: I’m so pale.

- move apart from each other
D: Are you kidding me? After--After five months on tour you think I wouldn’t like to be apart from Phil for five minutes? Alright!

Their chosen answer: lack of vitamin D
What's in Dan's Box?
- a plushie of a rat
- his sloth bear fursuit
- Wattpad fanfiction
Who's on the wheel?
Wholesome Howell and X-Rated Lester
Dan - being moist
D: Why would you make us read that? What is--Okay, look. Look. Being moist is totally a good thing. Okay. Because you might feel sweaty and gross but at least your skin is hydrated. Okay? Right. You know? If you’re--If you’re moist, it means that if you got a friend that needs a drink, you just go, “Hey, like, suck on my hair.” There we go. That’s it. And look. Look. Back in the day, I don’t know how I--”No. Moisture get away from me.” But, in the moist climate of Mumbai, curly haired Dan is thriving. Okay. So you know what? I say: Asia might be moist, but Dan likes being moist. So there we go.

Phil - free candy
P: Ooh. Okay. Never trust anything that’s free because there might be a catch. Alright? There’s always a catch. So, you find this free candy on the floor, and you’re like, Ooh. I’ll have a nibble of that. You’re eating it for a while, and you’re like, Ooh. This is really crunchy and delicious. And then you look inside, and you’ve been eating beetles! You’ve been crunching the beetles, and some of them are still alive. And then they crawl in your ears, and you die.

Dan - a burning building
D: What!? How does that even--Okay, actually. Actually, I know a scenario where that is totally a good thing. Imagine you’re a little boy. You’re signing up to YouTube for the first time. “Type in a username,” it says. This boy types, “danisnotonfire.” And he thinks that’s a--He thinks that’s a good username, but, for the rest of his life, people won’t stop making fun of him. They’re like, *high voice* “Oh, hey, dani snot on fire. How ya doin’? [unintelligible]” *normal voice* So, he--One day, he’s gonna--You know what he does? He literally sets fire to a building and walks in and dies just to be free from the cyberbullying!

Phil - rainbows and unicorns
P: Okay. I mean, you know me. I’m slightly scared of horses. Okay? And what’s--What is more scary than a horse? A horse with a giant weapon on its forehead! So, you wake up in the middle of the night, and there’s just a unicorn in your bedroom. And it starts--It starts stampeding towards you, and then it horns you right in the face.

Dan - a plague wiping out humanity
D: What is wrong with you? Okay. Uh--Ac--Mmm. Actually, I think that would definitely be a good thing. Okay. No, no, no. Hear me out. Hear me out. What is the worst thing about the planet earth? Humanity. Alright. Exactly! We have been really civilized for so long, and look what we’ve done to the place. We’re polluting the oceans. We’re killing all the animals. I say: The sooner a plague comes along and wipes out all the humans and then leaves the planet to the dogs, the better the world will be. So, plague, if you’re out there floating through the air, I say, “Nibble me, Daddy. I am ready to kick this [unintelligible]” Thank you. [unintelligible] Bye.
P: You can have it. Never say, “Nibble me, Daddy,” to a plague...ever again.
D: I don’t feel like I will say the phrase, “Nibble me, Daddy,” ever again, but okay. You never know.
P: Right.
D: You never know.
P: Last one.
D: It was actually, “Nibble me, Daddy. Let’s get this party started.” So that’s a very specific phrase.
P: Stop it.
D: But you never--That’s all I’m saying. Okay, right.

Phil - unlimited cereal
P: What!? But cereal’s the best thing! Okay. Right. So. What if this room just started to fill with cereal? At first, it would be like, “Yaas.” And just eating it from the sky. But, then, it just starts filling the room. And then, suddenly, you can’t breathe. Because there’s cereal in your face, and you can’t get air. And you’re drowning in the cereal. And the last thing you see is a cornflake in your eye.
Friendship Test
Psychic Connections round - word: Indian food
P: papadum
D: chicken tikka masala

Phantastic Phacts
Dan's question: What theme was Phil’s first childhood bedroom?
D: How...the hell would I know that?
P: I’ve talked about this before!
D: The--Fff. Okay.
P: There’s only, like, five themes that a kid would have.
D: Bu--Right. God. Uh--
P: Dan. What was it?
D: Oka--I--I’m not saying it. I think it’s either dinosaurs or space.
P: Yeah.
D: Because, I dunno. I’m gonna was...dinosaurs!
P: No!
D: Ow! Fluff. Oh, yeah. I said, “Fluff.” What’d ya think I was gonna say? This show is still monetized. Okay, right. What was it?
P: It was space!
D: Are you--Are you joking?
P: No!
D: It was space?
P: It was space.
D: Dammit! Okay, right.
P: Wahaha.
D: Wow. Generic childhood there, Phil. Very creative.

Phil's question: What time did Dan wake up today?
P: I was--I was texting you for ages, and you weren’t responding. So I don’t know what time it was.
D: Bu--But was I asleep, or was I just ignoring you?
P: That’s a good question.
D: That’s--That’s the question. That’s the eternal question.
P: You’ve been spending--You’ve been staying up playing up [sic] computer games quite late.
D: I have. C’mon, Phil.
P: I think you woke up at...11am.
D: No!
P: Ah!
D: I woke up at 10:30. Wah, wah. *to a tune* Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
P: That was close!
D: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Okay. Ooh. Oh, I guess you could say: It’s close but wrong like space and dinosaurs. There we go.
P: Oh.
D: That was fun. That felt fair.
P: Oh, my gosh.
D: That felt good and right. Okay.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat
Phil gets it wrong. Dan gets it wrong.

Dan and Phil Dilemmas
Dan's dilemma: Phil is now a pro footballer, but Dan’s feet are five times bigger.
D: Are you kidding me? My--I would have actual clown shoes!
P: But, Dan, I’d be actually good at a sport!
D: Let--Pfff. Okay. What would you do as a professional footballer?
P: I could be like David Beckham. Just--
D: Okay. Right. Right. No, no. Right. If I had really long, freaky feet, none of these people would be here right now.
P: They would!
D: Okay. Maybe, like, two of them would, but no. The rest of them: They would be scared. They wouldn’t love me anymore.
P: I mean, your toes would be poking the front row if you’re stood there.
D: No, okay. Look. Let’s be real. If I had feet that were five times longer, would you all still love me?
*audience screams*
D: *high voice* Really?
*audience screams again*
P: Are you gonna let me be a footballer or not?
D: I can’t say no after they just said that! Fine! I’ll do it! You can be a professional footballer.
P: Aww.
D: Okay.
P: Yes!
D: *high voice* I’ve never felt more accepted in my entire life *normal voice* with my giant feet. Okay, right.
P: Okay.
D: That’s so weird.

Phil's dilemma: Dan gets to play with dogs every weekend, but Phil now has dog ears.
P: What!? I’d be, like, a permanent Snapchat filter.
D: You would. Honestly, it’d be true. Although, if we filmed a DanAndPhilGAMES video and I screamed, you would probably instantly die. Let’s be real.
P: Well, that’s the thing: Dogs hear more than humans.
D: Yes.
P: I couldn’t film a gaming video with you because my ears would literally explode.
D: But Phil. Are you gonna--Are you not gonna let me play with dogs?
P: But, if I can’t play with the dogs, no!
D: Are you say--Oh, my God! No!
P: Ahh!
D: Phil! Oh, my God!
P: Ah!
D: Did you see that? After you just said you’d like me for feet, he wouldn’t have dog ears? Terrible person.
P: That was--
D: Terrible, horrible human being right there.
Real Conversation Time
I know we should be talking about India, but are you excited to go home?
D: Aww.
P: Aww. No, I--
D: We--Oh, go on.
P: I’m really excited to be here because I’ve never been to India before.
D: Yes, that’s true.
P: I--I wish I had more time to explore, really.
D: Yeah. ‘Cuz Phil will now do a regional six month tour of every town in India.
P: I think that’s a good [unintelligible]. If--If I get to eat the food here, then sign me up.
D: Exactly. Okay. That’s true. That’s very true. But, is--is there nothing you miss from home?
P: No, I mean, I haven’t seen my parents in a long time, so I would like to see my family.
D: Aww. Misses his family.
P: Yeah.
D: I miss...reliable Wi-Fi.
P: That’s--That’s--That’s the thing you miss the most.
D: I guess there’s like family and [unintelligible]. It’s Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi is all I care about. Okay, yeah. Two of us. Very honest. Right.
What is your favorite Indian song?
D: Oh! Ooh! What--What’s your answer to this, Phil?
P: What was that one--What was that one with the guy that kept, like, changing colors? It was, uh...
D: Oh, my God. Are you talking about “Tunak Tunak Tun”?
P: Yes!
D: Oh! My! God! Blast from the past!
P: Yes!
D: That--That is legit my exact answer right there.
P: Is it?
D: Have--Have you ever seen a more iconic video then someone being cloned a hundred times going, *to the tune of “Tunak Tunak Tun”* “Tunak tunak tun. Tunak tunak tun. Tunak tunak tun. Da da da.” *speaking musically* Duh na na na na! Sorry.
P: Wow.
D: That’s probably offensive, but it’s literally the biggest jam in the entire world [unintelligible]. “Mommy shark, doo doo doo” is quaking compared to that.
P: Okay.
D: On a scale of bops, it’s like *to the tune of “Baby Shark Dance”* “Daddy shark, doo doo doo doo.” “Tunak Tunak Tun” right there. Okay. [unintelligible] *scornful tone* And then “Gangnam Style” is like there, obviously. Okay. [unintelligible]
P: Ohh! Opinions!
What is your favorite thing about being on tour?
D: Aww.
P: I think Dan’s broken.
D: Well, I--I know what Phil’s answer is: Room service breakfast from hotels.
P: Hey!
D: Honestly. [unintelligible] like, “What was Phil’s favorite thing about being on tour?” “Pancakes!” Okay. I’m sorry I--
P: I [unintelligible]--I’ve had some great pancakes. It’s been amazing to travel the world and see so many different places.
D: Do you know what my answer is?
P: What?
D: It’s you guys. Right. I’m not--I’m not just being, like, silly. Okay?
P: No.
D: Like, literally. When we do what we do on the internet, it’s very hard to know how things are real. Okay?
P: Yeah.
D: Because all we can see is, like, numbers and comments and things on screens. So, when we make videos, it’s like, I guess this got a load of thumbs up, so that means that people like it. But, when we come do a tour, and we see the faces of the people that have actually given us everything and then they’re out there and then they’re laughing [unintelligible]. That is honestly the one thing that will keep me from having an existential crisis [unintelligible]. Okay, so wait. So. I feel like Wholesome Howell is leaking.
P: I think so too.
D: Okay. Well, that’s enough.
Thanks to anxious-raindrop for providing show audio!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?

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