IDB

18:50 (chat) Where’s the Phil plushie?
“Is there a Dan plushie somewhere? (moves aside to see the shelf behind him) Oh yeah. Where’s Phil gone? He’s left home, dunno.”

19:35 (chat) Dil’s outfit; why Phil?
“Don’t blame me. I think that was a certain Mr. Howell who chose Dil’s outfit"

31:30 (chat) Tell Dan to watch Rick and Morty
"Ok, I will tell him"

44:30 (chat) Are you going to Vidcon?
"Yes, Dan and I are both going to Vidcon in Los Angeles"

04:20 "[in Australia] the Kangaroos were so done with people wanting to feed them that one just tried to full on punch Dan in the face”

16:30 “Oh! Something dramatic did happen, yes. The other night, I think it was about 2 in the morning, there was this great explosional noise from the kitchen. And I walked in and Dan had somehow smashed one of our large pint glasses, and it wasn’t just a smash, it had obliterated the entire kitchen. There was glass everywhere, I’ve never seen so much glass. I wasn’t even aware so much glass could be within a pint glass, but it turned into a fine dust, so even the carpet outside the kitchen was covered in glassy dust. I don’t know how he did it, he must have slammed it into the floor or something. It wasn’t just glass, it was glass and sticky ribena.
I thought we were going to cut our feet open, because he was still stood in the kitchen like a ninja trying to avoid it all and I was like, “Dan, you’re just gonna have to jump. Jump out of there in your socks.” But yeah, he had loads of glass powder on his socks. I think he just cut his hand, he didn’t cut his feet.”
(aw we won’t hear about this from Dan for two weeks then boo)

38:10 (chat) Do you think you would clone yourself?
"No, I think one Phil is enough for this world. I think our clumsiness would just turn it into a disaster.”
"I can’t decide if I would really annoy myself.”
"Do you think [my clone] would be as annoying [to me] as I am to Dan, eating all my own cereal, or we’d both just buy thousands of boxes of cereal and spend all our money on cereal."

11:50 “What is a godmother? Does that mean if I die, and Dan dies, you have to take care of Dab?”

15:25 “We have been thinking of some new pastel-y merch options with my brother. My brother came over [to brainstorm today]. No promises though, we’re just exploring the options. We have a whole plethora of things on danandphilshop.com"

05:55 (about having La La Land soundtrack stuck in his head) “I was like oh my God I’m trying to sleep! Shut up Ryan Gosling! Emma Stone! Get out of my brain! What are you doing?"

07:00 “You don’t know what your baby’s gonna look like. It could look like a mountain goat. I mean, I’d still love my baby if it looked like a mountain goat, you know? I look a bit like a mountain goat, and my mum cared for me well.”

10:00 "I’ll rub myself in a mango before I'd eat a mango”
(Phil’s main kink: mixing sex and food but we already knew that)

10:45 Socks of the day: one foot pugs, one foot sharks

12:00-14:00 [Drilling chat, but doesn’t mention Dan and hints at time travel to outlaw saws and drills rather than hinting at moving, boo]

14:30 (chat) Happy almost-birthday!
"Thank you! I’m going up north for my birthday celebrations. Don’t even really know what’s happening, might be a bit of a surprise. Think I might get a red velvet cake [or get one myself if need be].”
"I’m going up north, gonna have a northern birthday, which’ll be nice."

20:15 (chat) What’s your birthday plan?
“Red velvet cake and movies and a nice meal, I think is on the cards. I’m having a friend hangout on Saturday and then going up north next week.”
(TO FAMILY AHHHHH ahem I assume. But yeah, no mention of Dan or any specific mention of seeing friends in the north cough cough cough cough)

21:25 (reaching for emu egg thing) “Ah! I almost dropped it, this is why I shouldn’t have children or animals”
(drops it again seconds later)
“I did it again. What’s wrong with me? I have the worst coordination."
eme-you vs eme-moo
24:50 “Send some birthing vibes, please”

26:15 shows off new pretty houseplant: “It’s on the dining table as the centerpiece”
Named it Fleur Lawrence
"'Fleur Butt', it’s not gonna be called Fleur Butt. 'Daddy'? No, stop! Lawrence is the name."

27:55 “We’ve filmed a bunch of gaming videos as well. I think there’s been a few games we haven’t played before and one we have played before, so you can look forward to those.”
(I will thanks Phil)

28:20 “Saw the OA. O-Amazing is what it stands for. I loved it so much.
It was very Phil; it had such a cool concept and the characters, especially the main character was really really good, acting was good, mystery was good.”

30:00 "I’ve been having good vibes recently, guys. The vibes have been good.”

32:15 “I will give it a cheeky lick, I’m not gonna bite it, I’m gonna give it a cheeky lick"
#nocontext

33:20 [good story about an unhinged French teacher when he was like 11 (and sounded adorably polite standing up for his friend aw), but I can’t be arsed typing it all out, but ]

36:10 (chat) Favourite subject in school
Art because they were allowed to listen to music while drawing, which was ‘quite creative’.
Hated games/PE, nightmare. Geography, super into it for some reason.
Worst was history, not good with the dates.

39:35 (chat) Have you heard you’re secretly married
"I did hear about that! I learned about it after it’d kind of been over on the internet. But yeah. Secret marriage. Did I have a child as well?
It’s actually true. My wife is holding the laptop right now. Say hello, Janice."
[Phil’s got jokes]:
(terrifying voice of Janice) “Hello”
(Phil) She’s got a very interesting voice.
“Are you on younow again?”
-Yes I’m on younow
“Get me some cashews”
-Get your own cashews, Janice!
“My baby’s kicking”
-Look, can we talk about this later, please
“I want a divorce!”
-Oh. Looks like the marriage isn’t going to last.

40:35 “That’s her voice, stop laughing at my wife’s voice. The baby is kicking" (laughs)
(chat) Your marriage is toxic.
"I know, we’re getting a divorce now."
(chat) You’re cheating on Sabrina
"Wait, who’s Sabrina? Oh, what is happening, I’m just gonna leave this now, to the internet. You can decode whatever’s happening."

(So here’s the thing, it’s easy to say they find it so funny because of the extent of the story, as in not just a hidden relationship, but a full on wife and baby, so it’s basically beyond ridiculous and ripe for jokes. But I think to a degree they’re laughing at the premise itself: that he could have a hidden relationship (with someone who isn’t Dan) at all. Like if either of them were actually hiding another person or relationships, would it be this funny to the point of them both taking the piss out of it in their respective liveshows. It’s so hilarious to Phil that there could be someone there that nobody knows about (who isn’t Dan) holding his laptop behind the scenes, demanding cashews. It’s a ludicrous concept, because all there is or has ever been is Dan, whoops bye)

45:20 (chat) What are your expectations for 2017
"I think it’s gonna be more chilled, but still lots of things happening, if that makes sense. I’m not gonna be on tour and in a different town everyday, but there’s gonna be lots going on and lots of exciting things, I think. I’m really enjoying making gaming videos, and I’m happy to make lots more gaming videos, that’s something that I’m gonna be doing.”
(it just occurred to me that they could just play Shelter 2 together. If the views were lower because it was just Phil on his own, that doesn’t mean they need to scrap the whole thing. Just bring Dan in AND PLAY IT FOR GODS SAKE, the adopted lynx kittens need saving, WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE KITTENS)