I said this on tumblr earlier, but while I enjoyed the podcast - I just really wish they could somehow have waited a month and a half to record because I would actually kill for 25 minutes of Dan talking about the creative process just being Basically I'm Gay.
thatspecificboob wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:01 pm
maybe the VidCon interviewer deliberatly decided to take a lighthearted tone so didn't want to dig in too deep, but I like the focus here on understanding Dan's creative process.
Having seen that interviewer interview John Green and Phil, I was really frustrated by the fact that she asked John a lot deeper questions than Phil (though she intro'd with the same softball "how is your vidcon?" questions.) And then had the audacity to talk down about the questions she got asked for Phil's panel as "stan questions" - despite the fact that I think she got maybe 50 questions for John's panel and 11,000+ for phil's panel - perhaps it had a bit to do with the selection, eh?
ETA: I did think SO MANY TIMES about how the podcast would've been different post-BIG.
knq wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 7:04 pm
There’s a Vegas liveshow where Dan is wearing the furry trapper hat of old and Phil thinks it’s too warm to wear. Dan describes it as a hug for your head. He’s just gone for hoodie hugs since losing the hat. Makes me wonder if he ever tried out that weighted blanket he wanted.
Oh, so it could be some sort of a comfort/psychological thing? Does Dan not get enough physical contact? Were his parents cold to him growing up? I remember him saying he would hug his pillow earlier. Do we have psych students here; could that be a thing?
Psych graduate stepping in to say please do not do this, armchair analysis is not cool, okay or advised and talking about emotional or psychological issues based on speculation can hurt other people on the forum/in real life. In fact, as merely a graduate, I and other students would not be qualified. Nobody who even would be qualified that hasn’t actually assessed a person could say in a way that wouldn’t be harmful speculation. Pop culture awareness of mental health issues and psychological diagnoses has been helpful in some regards, but in these cases it’s shown to be downright dangerous as everyone thinks they can pass judgement because it’s ~science.
noodlebum wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 7:44 pm
Same, I kept getting distracted looking at other things then have to rewind, even though it was interesting. I have this problem with audio books too. Need a visual!
I work in radio and currently am commuting on the bus so I freaking LOVE listening to audio-only content. I wish we had more of it.
Seriously I loved everything about this because I work also at the intersection of traditional/internet media and am a self-employed creator. I am now listening to the other episodes with other creators!! I would LOVE an episode from Capitalester because I'm positive he would have different insights, and especially if he and dan would talk more in depth about their approaches to being jointly-branded with also separate careers. Also, I would actually love a business podcast with Phil and Martyn - WITH SPECIAL GUEST HANK GREEN - to talk about running a merch empire.
i’m interested that we seem to be split on the visual/audio opinions! i loooooove j & j’s podcast but i think i’m actually with plinthe here—both d & p seemed to enjoy live shows and i generally love looking at their expressions but somehow there is a relaxed vibe to their voice and the manner in which they express themselves that they both get when there’s no added pressure of a visual component, ya know? that doesn’t mean i wouldn’t miss the nonverbal communication that they frequently use.
actually, now that i think of it, i’m just Team Give-Us-Whatever-You-Want
onemoresock wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:14 am
Cornelia's IG story made me feel so soft. Someone on tumblr isolated the sound to show that Dan was asking Phil if he was sleepy and honestly... I'm soft.
Breatherepeat wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:53 am
At 4:23 Phil mentions a secret file on his computer with game show ideas. Could this be his mystery project? He has had many ideas brought to life in other medias. Bonus: Dan points to himself while they talk about what is in the secret file.
THAT'S WHERE I HEARD IT. I said a few days ago Phil had an idea for a game show and I'm so glad to now remember it was more than one and that it came from that glorious video.
I agree with @icedcoffeestan's view. I don't need more explanations and if they announced the hiatus in the main channel then people should chill and let them finish things up.
I can't wait to listen to the podcast, I am a HUGE audio book enthusiast (I have listened to Rick Riordan's books too many times for it to be healthy) and I don't know if anyone knows it/follows it but I started the Magnus Archives, a mystery/horror podcast that is AMAZING.
ravenreyes wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:32 pm
btw, does anyone know if there's some sort of transcript or collection of dan's quotes or something from the mental health panel? i have a really hard time watching things with an audience lol
I didn't do transcripts, but I did do timestamps for:
- Dan's contributions to the mental health panel
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:41 am
This was a nice panel! It was fun to see Dan interact with other creators, and it’s always fun to hear more about Dan’s worldview. It was also very interesting to hear some additional thoughts about “Daniel and Depression,” “Trying To Live My Truth,” and “Basically I’m Gay.” Here are my timestamps:
The following is all part of the same response:
[1-14:33] Dan is asked how his audience reacted to him taking a “break” from uploading to YouTube over the past several months for his mental health. Dan starts with a tangent about how poor mental health is an invisible illness. He says awareness has gotten a lot better over the past few years. He claims the video “Daniel and Depression” came out in 2018 , and he says that no one knew he was struggling with his mental health until he uploaded that video.
[1-16:09] Dan comes back to (the “break” part of) the question. He says that he feels like he puts a piece of himself online whenever he uploads a video. With the frequency of the gaming channel that he and Phil “had” ([1-16:31]), he felt like he had no space for personal growth behind the scenes between uploads. He decided to upload “Trying To Live My Truth” and not come back until he was ready. He didn’t want to use his professional life to procrastinate on his personal life.
[1-17:19] Dan says that the plot twist here is that he was a massive queer the whole time, and this is another example of how you don’t know what’s happening in someone’s life unless you communicate these things. It’s really hard to talk about what’s happening in your life and how you’re feeling, but it’s so important to do it.
[1-17:54] Gabbie Hanna says that “Daniel and Depression” is what motivated her to start talking about her own struggles with mental health. She also says that his “Basically I’m Gay” video was really beautiful, and she encourages everyone to go watch it. Dan says that it better be good since it basically took a whole year to make.
[1-18:28] Hannah Hart says that she thought “Trying To Live My Truth” was going to be Dan’s coming out video. Dan responds that that was the whole point. There were certain things that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet, including sexuality, mental health, and personal relationships. On YouTube, he didn’t feel like he was being the person he knew he was on the inside, and he knows it was the right decision to stop uploading until he had dealt with the things from his personal life that were holding him back.
[1-20:05] Dan repositions himself so that he has both feet up on the couch. It’s cute. That is all.
[1-23:35] Dan talks about the pressure from YouTube culture to upload weekly/frequently. He says he had a literal mental breakdown when he tried to upload weekly 5-6 years ago for a period of about 4 months. He felt guilty and shameful for not uploading more frequently. Even innocent comments like, “I really like you! Can I have some new content?” made him feel horrible. He thinks the YouTube culture about uploading frequency is changing for the better.
[1-26:24] In response to a story Gabbie told about how she came to make a video that revitalized her channel by going through a breakdown, Dan says that there’s a phrase that goes “a breakdown is actually a breakthrough.” He says that that’s not him being original. He says that being backed into a corner is sometimes a good thing because it can force you to reckon with something you’ve been avoiding.
[1-29:50] In response to Hannah commenting that it’s never been an option for her to have a breakdown because she’s always been responsible for providing for her family, Dan says that he likes that this story highlights how you never know what someone might be struggling with behind the scenes despite all outward appearances. His family has never had any money, and there’s always been pressure on him not to fuck up his career because he would have to start from zero.
[1-32:26] Dan says that one of his favorite things about YouTube and coming out is watching the different ways people do it because it’s a beautiful way to see the different kinds of creators people are. He liked Elle Mills's coming out video because it was so extra and on-brand for her.
[2-2:18] Dan says that struggling with labels held him back from talking about his sexuality. He maybe could have made a coming out video in 2014 or 2015, and it would have been half of what he ended up making this year. He felt especially confused when people online started talking about gender identity because he didn’t know what he felt anymore. He wanted to come out as “something” so that his sexuality wasn’t a “weird secret” anymore, but he felt a weird stress. He says that anyone who feels like that probably shouldn’t because they can just come out as a “Q.”
[2-3:14] Dan starts talking about a different topic: the fine line when talking about depression, anxiety, and sexuality between saying the right thing to be helpful and saying something that’s going to stress someone out. Dan says that he felt he had to be really careful in not making the story in “Basically I’m Gay” too sad or stressful because he still wanted to give people hope. He didn’t want to whitewash what had happened to him, but he also didn’t want to scare anyone off because “the moment you come out, your life instantly becomes a million times better.” He also didn’t want anyone to feel that if coming out hadn’t gone perfectly for them, something was wrong because “everyone’s life is a mess.”
[2-6:40] The panel is asked what advice they have for aspiring creators who are starting out today and who want to be conscious of their mental health. Dan says that you should make what you want to make how and when you want to make it. You shouldn’t feel forced to do anything. You should do it because you love it. Lots of YouTubers work really hard, finally make it, then have a mental breakdown. We all choose how hard we work and what we have to sacrifice to do that. People should always do something because they love it, always remind themselves where they’re at, and try not to work themselves into a corner.
The following is part of the same response:
[2-10:50] Dan says not to tie your self-worth to social media. He says that it’s insane what social media does to our mental health. Then he polls the audience, asking which social media platform (Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook) stresses people out the most. (Based on accounts from the room, Instagram and Twitter were the overwhelming favorite choices and were basically tied, a few people voted for Tumblr, and even fewer voted for Facebook.) Dan says that Instagram is stressful because there’s all these beautiful, perfect people with their perfect lives. Twitter is stressful because everyone is angry and political and also more clever and funnier than he is. Tumblr is stressful because of the discourse, and Dan suggests that Facebook isn’t that stressful for him.
[2-12:31] Dan talks about why he likes his brand of humor. Unlike on social media where everyone curates this perfect image of themselves, Dan exposes every flaw that he has, and that’s the joke. Then, he brings it back to mental health. He says not to pretend that everything’s perfect all the time. People will actually like it if you talk about your vulnerabilities because it’s refreshing and relatable.
[2-20:31] Gabbie says that something she likes to ask people to see how they’re doing is “How’s your heart today?” In response, Dan says, “Dead. Surrounded by cholesterol.”
[2-20:45] Dan says that online friends are just as valid as any other friends. He then talks about a girl that he talked to on Messenger when he was a teenager. He didn’t know her from real life, and they didn’t even live in the same country. He just added her on Myspace, and they were both emos and totally bisexual. Dan says that having that one person to talk to made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the universe. However, they don’t speak anymore. They drifted after a year or so.
[2-23:25] Dan says that sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about how they’re doing, and you just need to come back to them. You can’t get offended if they blow you off when you ask how they’re doing. Sometimes being a good friend is sticking around and still being there for someone when they’re ready to accept your offer of help.
[2-26:22] The panel is asked how to improve one’s self-confidence. Dan says it’s about accepting who you are. He was a silent, awkward teenager and he’s become more self-confident. He says that a lot of this is due to him letting go of pressures he felt from other people and social media to be certain things or act in certain ways. When you love yourself, you’ll get confident.
- Phil's Q&A
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:50 am
I really liked this Q&A! Maybe it’s just my post-”Coming Out To You” perceptions playing tricks on me, but I felt like Phil seemed less inhibited than I’ve ever seen him before, both in terms of his body language and in terms of how he answered questions. Unlike others, I really wasn’t bothered by the interviewer (Taylor Lorenz). Her spelling out usernames was goofy, and some of her questions were duds, but a lot of them were also gems! Anyway, here are my timestamps:
[1-1:29] The first question is about Tony, Phil’s most recent pet brine shrimp that he’s grown from birth. They’re meant to live for only six weeks, but Tony is a survivor. Since Phil had to go to VidCon, he bought a fifty pound tank and a machine that feeds Tony every day.
[1-2:24] Phil is asked whether he’s going to sell vases. Phil says he likes a glass of water, so why go back for more when you can just drink out of a giant one?
[1-2:55] Phis is asked what some of his most memorable moments on YouTube have been. Phil says there’s not one memorable moment. It’s been a wonderful blur.
[1-3:41] Phil is asked what made him decide to come out now. Phil says it was strange because he’d already come out to most of his friends and family quite a while ago, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be out on the internet because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to share too much of his private life. On the other hand, he thought that his story might be able to help other people, so he thought why not let everyone know that he’s gay?
[1-4:30] Phil is asked how many VidCons he’s been to. He thinks this one might be his eighth. Thinking back to his first VidCon, he was nervous but also really excited because he had been specifically invited to attend. Phil is asked what his best VidCon was, and he says it was the first because of how novel and exciting the experience was.
[1-5:34] Phil is asked if he’s ever been starstruck by anyone. He says that Anthony Padilla was a big one. He thinks he probably played it too cool and came off as unfriendly when they first met, but they’re good friends now. He then says that he’s hung out with Safiya Nygaard now. They’ve met at a previous VidCon and talked online before, and he finds her videos very relaxing. He says that he and Dan have also hung out with Safiya’s significant other Tyler Williams, Cristine Rotenberg (Simply Nailogical), and Cristine’s sister Jennifer. This was nice because no one comes to London. When questioned about VidCon London, Phil says that not many Americans have tried it out yet.
[1-6:44] The interviewer says she likes to watch soap carving videos. Phil expresses excitement about soap carving and slime. He’s asked if he’s ever tried to make slime. Phil says he has, and it went surprisingly well. The interviewer says that slime is hard to make well.
[1-7:18] Phil is asked if he has any particularly memorable videos or any videos that were particularly fun to make. Phil says that “Tour Of My Brain” was fun because it was more artistic. “Coming Out To You” was also quite a big deal to him. It’s a video that he’s proud of for making but one that he was also nervous to post.
Phil is then asked how long he spent making “Coming Out To You.” Phil says that Dan spent months making “Basically I’m Gay,” but Phil wanted to keep his video lowkey. Nevertheless, when Phil was editing the video, he spent a long time wondering if what he was saying was right or coming across right. It also took him a while to pluck up the courage to film the video and then ultimately post it.
Phil is then asked how it felt after he posted and what was going through his mind. Phil says he got a great reaction from his audience, his peers, and also friends who he hasn’t talked to in years. It was a really good feeling, and he was happy that he posted the video.
[1-8:52] Phil is asked to share some British things that Americans should know. Phil says that he’s often asked if he knows other people in London, and he’s surprised that people don’t know that London is actually a pretty big place. He also says that people seem to think that England is basically the same thing as London.
[1-9:42] Phil is asked what he thinks the biggest difference between British and American YouTubers is. Phil doesn’t think there’s any difference.
[1-10:07] Phil is asked what advice he has for people who are just starting out on YouTube. Phil says that you should make something that you want to make and not look at what other people are doing and try to copy them because they’re successful. If you’re not doing something that fulfills you, he’s not sure it’s something you’re going to be able to stick with. He also says that a video receiving what may be considered a low view count shouldn’t be discouraging. Imagining ten or one hundred people in a room with you is actually quite a lot.
[1-11:20] Phil is asked for some examples of things that he hopes will never change about YouTube. The interviewer says that she hopes the creator community on YouTube never changes and that she hopes people still come to VidCon in twenty years. Phil agrees. He also hopes that YouTube remains a place where people can be freely creative and upload videos that they feel proud of.
[1-11:49] Phil is asked how he balances YouTube with the rest of his life and all the other projects he has going on. Phil says that he doesn’t upload as frequently as some other people (e.g., twice per day). He also just tries to juggle everything, does some good scheduling, and tries not to worry about nothing being uploaded to his channel for a week or two.
[1-12:44] Phil is asked what some projects that he’s looking forward to working on are. Phil says he’s working on some bigger things, but he doesn’t fully know what they are yet. He says that he’s written part of a script for “something” that will be really exciting if it does get made, and he has pitched it out to a couple of “things” at this point. He’s not getting too excited about it yet because there’s no guarantee that it’s actually going to happen.
[1-13:30] Phil is asked if he has any dream projects like starring in a space movie. Phil says that his acting is terrible, but maybe he could be a robot. He then says that a dream project might be a movie with a bigger budget where he wasn’t necessarily in it, but it was something that he’s made.
[1-14:16] Phil is asked how often he keeps track of his fan accounts. He responds:
P: No. I--I mean--I--I obviously look at my @replies on Twitter, and I--I love to see especially the creative community out there. Like, some of the art that you guys make is incredible. Um, so that’s--that’s really nice. But I--I think it’s--When there is a community like that, I think it’s good to just let them do their own thing and not be, like, some kind of person looking over and checking indirects and things like that because then it becomes a thing that’s not theirs. And it’s like I’m checking on what everyone is doing, which is probably what they don’t want anyway. You know?
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah.
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah. So if they @reply me, then I’ll see it, but if they don’t, then I won’t. I think there are places that you can go on the internet where you can see people talking about you and things like that, but that’s never been of interest to me because I just like people that are interacting with me directly. You know?
[1-15:20] Phil is asked what his most recent favorite meme is. Phil says that anything involving a dog is his go-to meme. Phil talks about his love for corgis. He is then asked if he would ever get a corgi, and he says that he would love to get a dog. However, it’s a huge commitment, and he wants to wait until he’s in a place where he’s definitely ready. He needs to see if Tony is still alive first. If so, he says that the dog and Tony can breed and make some kind of horrifying shrimp dog.
[1-16:59] The interviewer switches to fan questions. The first question just asks for an update on Tony. Phil says that there’s a concierge person who sits at a desk at his and Dan’s apartment, and Phil told him that there is a shrimp in their apartment that should be saved in the event of an emergency.
[1-17:38] Phil is asked what socks he has on right now. His socks have waffles with butter on them, which Phil thinks is very appropriate for America. Phil says he’ll make his own waffle stand if YouTube shuts down in a few years.
[1-18:36] Phil is asked if there are any awkward encounters he’s had that still give him flashback to this day. Phil tells the story of how he sat down in the only open seat on a train next to a woman who looked like she was sleeping. The woman started rubbing his leg, and she screamed when she opened her eyes. It turns out her boyfriend had gone to the bathroom, and she thought Phil was him. As the woman screamed, the boyfriend came out of the bathroom and started aggressively questioning Phil about what was going on. It was all a big misunderstanding.
[1-20:10] Phil is asked how he feels about the third season of Stranger Things. He says he’s only on the third episode, but he likes it. He says he’s not someone that binges shows because he feels sad when they’re over. Phil is then asked if he’s one of those people who takes one bite of their Halloween candy at a time, and he says that that is definitely not him. The interviewer says that he would be a good guest star on Stranger Things. Phil says he wouldn’t want to ruin it with his bad acting, but maybe he could play an alien.
[1-21:16] Phil is asked whether there’s something from the new era of YouTubers that he wishes he would have had when he started out. Phil says he would have liked to have faster internet, and he would take his knowledge and wisdom of not being a 17 year-old.
[1-22:09] Phil is asked what he does during a creative block. Phil says that it helps him to talk to someone. He says that he can talk to Dan. He also likes to go out for a walk to clear his head. If he’s really stuck, he tries to stop forcing it. He’ll try to think about something else or sleep on it.
[1-23:22] Phil is asked what it was like performing in front of so many people so many times in a row during Interactive Introverts. Phil says that it was made easier because he was performing in front of people who already like him and his videos.
[1-24:24] Phil is asked if there were any people who followed him and Dan around on tour to multiple cities or countries. Phil says that there were some familiar faces at multiple shows, especially in America. He then spons the DVD in the cutest way possible
[1-25:10] Phil is asked if there’s ever been a point where he wanted to quit YouTube. He says no, but there was a point where he wanted to quit the internet because he was in an embarrassing car insurance commercial. It was on British TV all the time, and he started being recognized by strangers in the street, which started to make him nervous to go outside. Since he wasn’t enjoying that attention, it made him wonder whether a career as an entertainer on the internet was the right path for him. He says he didn’t realize that there’s a difference between being recognized as a YouTube creator and a random meme from a TV commercial.
[1-26:52] Phil is asked if he has any advice for someone with social anxiety. Phil says that he’s not qualified to give proper advice on social anxiety, but he does suffer from anxiety. For him, he’s always worried about what other people are thinking about him. It helps him to realize that other people have their whole lives going on in their own heads, and their interactions with him are a completely insignificant fraction of the things that they’re thinking about.
[1-28:19] Phil is asked whether he thinks people are going to storm Area 51 and whether he’s going to join in. He says no because he doesn’t want to get shot. However, he would totally look after an alien, and he talks about a new alien meme that he likes. This reminds the interviewer about a meme involving the FBI being in people’s laptops, which prompts Phil to talk about a new sticker that he’s just gotten that allows him to slide a cover over his webcam when he wants to.
[1-29:16] Phil is asked if the gaming channel is coming back. He responds:
P: Oh, yes! The gaming channel! I think that was one of the most popular questions that were asked, uh, aside from Tony.
T: [unintelligible] There are a lot of gamers here. [unintelligible]
P: Gamers. And I’m so happy that people enjoy the gaming channel. Uh, we did--We took a pause from the gaming channel using the word “hiatus,” which always seems like a bit of a dramatic word. But the thing is, Dan wanted to obviously take a break because he didn’t want to do any YouTube videos for a while because he was planning this video about his sexuality, and that was such a big deal for him. So I was like: Okay, well, if that’s the case, we should pause everything for a bit.
P: But also I think when you’re making something, even if it’s really great and people love it, you should always have a pause and think about: What do we wanna do with this? Is this gonna last forever? How is it gonna work? So the truth is we haven’t sat down and had a full chat about what the gaming channel is going to be now. But it is something that we’re really happy people enjoyed and also in the future--
P: ’Cause the thing is with gaming, people come to the gaming channel because they like watching me and Dan do things, and I feel like the gaming part of it is less important than the funny bants. Uh, I know some people like the video games, but if you think about it, it’s more about being a comedy channel than it is necessarily about serious gaming. “We’re doing level seven of this game.” So I don’t--If it--It might come back as gaming, or it might even come back as something else where me and Dan try something new. Uh, but we haven’t spoken about it properly yet, so that might not be anything that happens.
P: But it’s just--We always wanna be evolving and trying different things, and so the answer is: I don’t know! It’s still on a hiatus, but I’m very glad that you enjoyed what we made so far on it.
[1-31:01] Phil is asked what games he likes to play. Phil says that he’s been playing a lot of Apex Legends, and he’s also recently finished playing Hollow Knight on the Switch.
[1-31:34] Phil is asked if he’s seen any celebrity dogs yet. He says he’s seen some dogs. He’s also seen the celebrity pig, and he references the photo Grace Helbig took with it:
[1-32:28] Phil is asked what the Starbucks Tie-Dye frappuccino tastes like. He says it tasted like Skittles and bananas, but the cream is very vanilla-y.
[1-32:49] Phil is asked what his usual Starbucks drink is. He says that anything with a lot of sugar is good for him.
[1-32:58] Phil is asked what he wishes he knew as a teenager. Phil says he wishes he knew not to stress out about really small things that were in his head on that day. He wishes he could have tried to imagine himself two months or two years from that moment to give himself perspective on what’s actually important.
[2-0:46] Phil is asked what he was like as a teenager. Phil says that he was very shy but, if he was people that he knew really well, he was pretty much the same as he is now. He would just say weird things that came into his head.
[2-1:01] Phil is asked what his YouTube guilty pleasure is. Phil says he really likes watching cooking videos, which he thinks is odd because he doesn’t cook very well. He then shouts out the YouTube channel JunsKitchen, which he enjoys because there are cats that watch Jun make his intricate dishes.
[2-2:11] Phil is asked if he has a go-to thing that he cooks at home. He says he’s moved beyond microwavable foods to putting a jar of something on something else. However, he really does like take-away food. Phil says it’s okay that the interviewer was confused by what “take-away” is.
[2-2:44] Phil is asked what his favorite piece of merch is. Phil says it’s the candle that he just released. He chose the glass, the wax, the scent, and the box. The candle doesn’t smell like him literally, but it does smell like the essence of him.
[2-4:13] Phil is asked what some of his favorite tour moments were. He says he liked going to Mumbai and especially New Zealand. The crew he was touring with became his friends, and it was like he was living with them for a year. Phil is asked if they have reunions with the crew. He says that they’ve had a reunion with a few of them, but they might do a one-year reunion with more of them later on.
[2-5:34] Phil is asked if there was anywhere that was booked on the tour simply because he and Dan wanted to visit there. Phil says he wanted to go back to Las Vegas, and he wanted to go to New Zealand. There were also a lot of people who wanted him to come to Manila. He’s asked if he went to Brazil, and he confirms that, yes, he went to Brazil.
[2-6:17] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he didn’t get to go that he definitely wants to get to on the next tour. Phil says he and Dan would have loved to get to Mexico.
[2-6:32] Phil is asked what inspires him the most. Phil says that other people inspire him the most. He likes seeing the creative things that other people are putting out into the world. He specifically calls out PJ Liguori for putting out creative videos.
[2-7:03] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he goes to seek inspiration. Phil says that he doesn’t go to an art gallery to cry while looking at a blank wall. He tries to watch other people’s videos or TV. He then singles out JennaMarbles in particular.
[2-7:59] Phil is asked what TV shows he’s watching. He says he’s always watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and he’s on Brooklyn Nine-Nine right now.
[2-8:21] Phil is asked if he’s a Netflix person. He says that he only watches TV shows on streaming services, not on “real TV” anymore. He says he likes house decorating shows, and he singles out Selling Sunset (which he calls kind of trash but also amazing). He says he watched it with his parents while on vacation.
[2-9:41] Phil is asked how he looks after his mental health in regards to social media. He says that he tries not to consume too much, and he tries to consume things that he knows will make him happy. He doesn’t want to be on Instagram all the time where he’s only seeing the most beautiful people, and he doesn’t want to read indirects. He says that he has intentionally curated who he follows on Twitter because he doesn’t want to be waking up and seeing political drama and anger on his feed.
[2-10:44] Phil is asked which social media platform besides YouTube he would choose to use exclusively for the rest of his life if he could only choose one. Phil chooses Twitter because that’s where he interacts the most with his audience.
[2-11:19] Phil is asked if he has any bedtime rituals for his phone at night. He says he tried to use the Screen Time app on his phone when it first came out, but it didn’t work for him. He stares at his phone until he falls asleep.
[2-12:14] The interviewer remarks that there should be a mode on your phone that you can turn on that says that you’re away to the people that are trying to reach you. Phil agrees and remarks that he doesn’t like phone calls.
[2-12:41] Phil is asked if he has any airport fail stories. Phil says that he does have one from the most recent flight to LA. He says that they were ready to take off when the captain announced that they were delayed because there was a wash (toiletry) bag on the wing of the plane, which was something he had not encountered in twenty years of being a captain. They ended up being delayed two hours while they got a crane to hoist someone on top of the wing to retrieve the bag. Some people were panicked, but Dan and Phil thought it was funny. The interviewer says that they should have just taken off, and it would have fallen off the wing. Phil says that that would have been a fun game, but they wouldn’t want it to fall on a cat or something because the cat would explode. He says that there was also a lizard on the car when they were driving around LA that just wanted to have an adventure.
[2-15:09] Phil is asked if he’s had any memorable LA adventures. Phil says that he went on a hike with Dan. The hike was hard because the path was really steep, and he’s very susceptible to sunburn because of his pale skin. Thankfully, there were lots of tiny dogs along the way that provided an emotional boost.
[2-16:07] Phil is asked what so far in his career he is most proud of. Phil says that the two tours that he and Dan have done are what he’s most proud of, especially the most recent one. He was really happy with the footage of Interactive Introverts when they were editing it for the DVD, and his mom cried a bit when he showed it to her.
[2-16:44] Phil is asked if he’s planning another tour. Phil responds:
P: Uh, not at the moment, no. I think that--That was--That was the one for a while, but I would never say never. I mean I--It’s just one of those things that it’ll feel ready to do it when it--when it’s ready. So I don’t--I’m not thinking I need to go do it now, but maybe in the future.
[2-17:03] The interviewer turns back to questions from Twitter, and she says that Phil has a lot of amazing fans because a lot of the questions were things like, “Why are you so awesome?”
[2-17:37] Phil is asked how much money he has in his wallet right now. He says he thinks he has about $42. He’s not really a cash person, and he loses his wallet a lot.
[2-17:55] Phil is asked to rate a dog. He gives it a strong 11/10. Phil is asked to rate a second dog. It is also an 11/10.
[2-19:02] Phil is asked whether he has TikTok. He says that his friend Bryony Matthewman made him install and experience TikTok once. As such, he does have it, but he doesn’t use it. He thinks its closest cousin is Vine, which he loved, and he’s watched a few TikTok compilations that he thinks are good.
[2-19:53] Phil is asked if his mother is ever going to get on YouTube. Phil explains that he once did a video with his mother, and she was afterwards recognized in a shop. He says that she didn’t realize that this was a thing that could happen, and he thinks she had enough after that.
[2-20:23] Phil is asked what it takes to be a good YouTuber. Phil thinks it’s being genuine and having something to say.
[2-20:44] Phil is asked what collab he would like to do that he hasn’t had the opportunity to do yet. He says he’d love to do one with Safiya and one with JennaMarbles. He also had a lot of fun collabing with Anthony Padilla last VidCon.
[2-21:13] Phil is asked if he’s ever filmed a video but not uploaded it. Phil says that the only time that might have happened is when he’s filmed and then the memory card has crashed or something. Also, he once did a video where he did the Myers-Briggs personality test. He filmed for about two hours before he realized that it was super boring.
[2-22:01] Phil is asked what he thinks his fanbase would be called if they hadn’t already named themselves. Phil says there’s a lot of names out there. However, the Phandom is the main one, and he likes it because it’s a play on words. The interviewer suggests the name the Phanatics, and she says she hears some boos from the audience.
[2-22:45] The interviewer remarks that a lot of the tweets that she’s getting are just pictures of dogs, and she says that she would like Twitter too if this is what her timeline looked like.
[2-23:01] Phil is asked who would play him in a movie. He suggests Benedict Cumberpatch.
[2-23:39] Phil is asked to pick a quote for his senior yearbook. He chooses, “There is never too much candy.”
[2-23:59] Phil is asked if there are any kinds of fun dances that he’s into. He says no. Then he talks about learning a whole dance routine for TATINOF.
[2-25:00] Phil is asked if he’s ever been rejected for a collab or anything that he’s wanted to do. He’s also asked what advice he would give to kids. For the advice, he says that he wouldn’t take being rejected to heart because everyone is busy, and everyone has their own things going on. Phil says he still gets rejections now. He submitted a pitch for a “thing” he was working on last year. He’d spent weeks working on ideas for a show that he wanted to make. Then “we” got the email back saying that whoever he pitched the show to wasn’t interested. He then put that idea in the bin and started working on something else. Rejection might lead to something else, so it might be the right thing even if you don’t realize it at the time.
[2-26:20] Phis is asked if he has any parting words. Phil thanks everyone for coming and for watching his videos.
- Dan's contribution to the Night of Awesome
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:51 am
I have to say that I’m really impressed with Dan for telling this story. Symbolism seems to be particularly meaningful to Dan, and, taken at face value, this story represents a colossal symbolic failure. With these events being so recent, I’m surprised that Dan has so quickly been able to see them for what they truly are: a massive victory in terms of knowing your own limitations and making the hard choices that you know are right for yourself. I don’t know. I just feel really proud of him! Here are my timestamps:
[0:53] Dan starts off by asking who’s out there in the audience. He calls out the single ladies, lesbians, confused straight boys, lowkey bisexuals, and furries.
[1:36] Dan talks about VidCon printing him a badge that says “danisnotonfire” in 2019, and he shows this tweet:
[2:03] Dan talks about how he’s now back from his break and how it turns out that he was a massive queer the whole time. This is really his first time “going out while being out.” It feels like he’s started a completely new life. He is baby (a reference to a meme).
[2:45] Dan says that it’s a special year for VidCon since it’s the tenth one. He then goes on a tangent about how he doesn’t understand why people are surprised that he’s actually awkward in person because his entire creative identity is just “missing high fives and having a sad resting face.” Dan says that the tenth anniversary of his inaugural upload to YouTube is this year. At [4:53], Dan says that he’s very impressed with himself for doing YouTube for ten years because he has commitment issues. He likes to rebel whenever someone tells him to do something.
[6:00] Dan talks about “Basically I’m Gay,” poking fun at aspects of the video that may be perceived to be flaws. He says that the video was so long, and he has no respect for anyone’s time. He says that he didn’t even give a good performance in the video because he didn’t cry, and he clearly has some emotional issues.
[6:47] Dan says that working on “Basically I’m Gay” isn’t the only thing he did in the first half of 2019. He reveals that he also signed up and trained to run in the London Marathon.
[8:20] Dan thought that him running a marathon would be a great idea for several reasons. First, if he trained to run a marathon, he would naturally become really fit and healthy, and good physical health helps your mental health. Also, if he had abs, he would probably be naked on Instagram all day. Second, the whole point of the London Marathon is to raise money and awareness for a charity. Not only would this make the world a better place, but it would also make him look really good. Third, it would make for a good story: a young person who’s publicly struggled with mental health overcoming all in an epic test of physical and mental endurance, symbolically stomping on “depression, anxiety, paranoia, various food addictions, gay trauma, etc.” with chunky running shoes.
[9:51] Given all this buildup, Dan bets people know where the story is going now. He says, “This is a past-tense story I’m telling right now.” He says that he trained in the wet, cold winter months. He was out there jogging in shorts a few times, and it was very hard. He was committed because he had signed up to run in the marathon, which is a formal, intimidating process, and he had told his family and friends that he was doing this because nothing motivates him more than guilt and shame, the fear of disappointing someone. He felt love and support from the people he told, but he didn’t feel confident enough to tell his audience what he was doing. The stakes were so high, and it would have been humiliating if he had fallen over halfway through the marathon.
[11:05] Dan says that he guesses the moral of this story is that “sometimes your best actually isn’t good enough.” He ended up pulling out of the race the night before it happened, after he had already carbo-loaded about 20,000 calories of sweet potatoes. In trying to overcome the mental health setbacks he’s experienced through his life, mental health ended up winning. He just didn’t feel ready in the end because his fitness level when he started training had been so low. Also, since he hadn’t told his audience, he felt that the opportunity to support a charity had basically been wasted.
[12:14] Dan says that the hardest thing (besides digesting all of the potatoes he had just eaten) was telling his family and friends that he had decided not to race. The hardest person to tell was his mom because she texted him a photo of her wearing a homemade shirt that said “Team Dan PROUD Mum” ([12:54]) right before he was about to tell her that he had decided to drop out. Dan says that everyone’s initial responses were nice and supportive, but the real truth came out later on. His mom eventually said, “To be honest, I thought it was a bad idea that you signed up,” and his friends said similar things. For him, this was like the paranoid thought you have that everyone’s being really nice but they don’t actually believe in you, except it was actually true.
[14:05] Dan talks about what he’s taken away from this experience. He says he increased his fitness level from zero to one. He got to explore London for the first time. Then he says:
D: But in a way, me saying “no” at the last minute was a victory in itself. Okay? Sometimes in life, we feel all this pressure to do things just ‘cause we feel like it’s the right thing to do, what other people are telling us to do, or what society wants. And, you know, to say, “I’m gonna be honest with myself: I can’t do that.” or just, “I actually don’t want to do that thing.” That’s the right decision.
He says that he learned to be okay with trying something out of his comfort zone and being totally comfortable with accepting defeat.
[14:57] Dan says that other than coming to terms with how gay he was and thinking about the rest of his career, training to run a marathon was what he was up to in the first half of 2019. He thinks it’s strange that sharing the stories and details from his life are so important to him and to his audience. Taking a break from uploading made him reflect on what he’s been doing in recent years and think about what he wants to keep doing in the future. This, in turn, made him think about what his life would have been like if he had decided that it wasn’t worth his time to upload “HELLO INTERNET.” ten years ago, and he thinks it would have been worse. He thinks his internet career is mostly a good thing, and he bets that he’d still have all the same problems if he finished law school and ended up as a weird barrister. He’d be just as awkward and sad and secretly gay. He also says that telling stories from his life and talking about the things that he’s struggled with (depression, authenticity, sexuality) helps him process and accept them, and he thinks it’s lovely if hearing these stories helps anyone in his audience.
[17:01] Dan asks if everyone wants to know what he has planned next for his career/life, and he says that he has no idea. He feels like he’s just entered this new chapter of his life, and he wants some time to reassess and reflect and decide what he wants to do instead of just jumping straight back into things.
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
ravenreyes wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:32 pm
btw, does anyone know if there's some sort of transcript or collection of dan's quotes or something from the mental health panel? i have a really hard time watching things with an audience lol
I didn't do transcripts, but I did do timestamps for:
- Dan's contributions to the mental health panel
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:41 am
This was a nice panel! It was fun to see Dan interact with other creators, and it’s always fun to hear more about Dan’s worldview. It was also very interesting to hear some additional thoughts about “Daniel and Depression,” “Trying To Live My Truth,” and “Basically I’m Gay.” Here are my timestamps:
The following is all part of the same response:
[1-14:33] Dan is asked how his audience reacted to him taking a “break” from uploading to YouTube over the past several months for his mental health. Dan starts with a tangent about how poor mental health is an invisible illness. He says awareness has gotten a lot better over the past few years. He claims the video “Daniel and Depression” came out in 2018 , and he says that no one knew he was struggling with his mental health until he uploaded that video.
[1-16:09] Dan comes back to (the “break” part of) the question. He says that he feels like he puts a piece of himself online whenever he uploads a video. With the frequency of the gaming channel that he and Phil “had” ([1-16:31]), he felt like he had no space for personal growth behind the scenes between uploads. He decided to upload “Trying To Live My Truth” and not come back until he was ready. He didn’t want to use his professional life to procrastinate on his personal life.
[1-17:19] Dan says that the plot twist here is that he was a massive queer the whole time, and this is another example of how you don’t know what’s happening in someone’s life unless you communicate these things. It’s really hard to talk about what’s happening in your life and how you’re feeling, but it’s so important to do it.
[1-17:54] Gabbie Hanna says that “Daniel and Depression” is what motivated her to start talking about her own struggles with mental health. She also says that his “Basically I’m Gay” video was really beautiful, and she encourages everyone to go watch it. Dan says that it better be good since it basically took a whole year to make.
[1-18:28] Hannah Hart says that she thought “Trying To Live My Truth” was going to be Dan’s coming out video. Dan responds that that was the whole point. There were certain things that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet, including sexuality, mental health, and personal relationships. On YouTube, he didn’t feel like he was being the person he knew he was on the inside, and he knows it was the right decision to stop uploading until he had dealt with the things from his personal life that were holding him back.
[1-20:05] Dan repositions himself so that he has both feet up on the couch. It’s cute. That is all.
[1-23:35] Dan talks about the pressure from YouTube culture to upload weekly/frequently. He says he had a literal mental breakdown when he tried to upload weekly 5-6 years ago for a period of about 4 months. He felt guilty and shameful for not uploading more frequently. Even innocent comments like, “I really like you! Can I have some new content?” made him feel horrible. He thinks the YouTube culture about uploading frequency is changing for the better.
[1-26:24] In response to a story Gabbie told about how she came to make a video that revitalized her channel by going through a breakdown, Dan says that there’s a phrase that goes “a breakdown is actually a breakthrough.” He says that that’s not him being original. He says that being backed into a corner is sometimes a good thing because it can force you to reckon with something you’ve been avoiding.
[1-29:50] In response to Hannah commenting that it’s never been an option for her to have a breakdown because she’s always been responsible for providing for her family, Dan says that he likes that this story highlights how you never know what someone might be struggling with behind the scenes despite all outward appearances. His family has never had any money, and there’s always been pressure on him not to fuck up his career because he would have to start from zero.
[1-32:26] Dan says that one of his favorite things about YouTube and coming out is watching the different ways people do it because it’s a beautiful way to see the different kinds of creators people are. He liked Elle Mills's coming out video because it was so extra and on-brand for her.
[2-2:18] Dan says that struggling with labels held him back from talking about his sexuality. He maybe could have made a coming out video in 2014 or 2015, and it would have been half of what he ended up making this year. He felt especially confused when people online started talking about gender identity because he didn’t know what he felt anymore. He wanted to come out as “something” so that his sexuality wasn’t a “weird secret” anymore, but he felt a weird stress. He says that anyone who feels like that probably shouldn’t because they can just come out as a “Q.”
[2-3:14] Dan starts talking about a different topic: the fine line when talking about depression, anxiety, and sexuality between saying the right thing to be helpful and saying something that’s going to stress someone out. Dan says that he felt he had to be really careful in not making the story in “Basically I’m Gay” too sad or stressful because he still wanted to give people hope. He didn’t want to whitewash what had happened to him, but he also didn’t want to scare anyone off because “the moment you come out, your life instantly becomes a million times better.” He also didn’t want anyone to feel that if coming out hadn’t gone perfectly for them, something was wrong because “everyone’s life is a mess.”
[2-6:40] The panel is asked what advice they have for aspiring creators who are starting out today and who want to be conscious of their mental health. Dan says that you should make what you want to make how and when you want to make it. You shouldn’t feel forced to do anything. You should do it because you love it. Lots of YouTubers work really hard, finally make it, then have a mental breakdown. We all choose how hard we work and what we have to sacrifice to do that. People should always do something because they love it, always remind themselves where they’re at, and try not to work themselves into a corner.
The following is part of the same response:
[2-10:50] Dan says not to tie your self-worth to social media. He says that it’s insane what social media does to our mental health. Then he polls the audience, asking which social media platform (Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook) stresses people out the most. (Based on accounts from the room, Instagram and Twitter were the overwhelming favorite choices and were basically tied, a few people voted for Tumblr, and even fewer voted for Facebook.) Dan says that Instagram is stressful because there’s all these beautiful, perfect people with their perfect lives. Twitter is stressful because everyone is angry and political and also more clever and funnier than he is. Tumblr is stressful because of the discourse, and Dan suggests that Facebook isn’t that stressful for him.
[2-12:31] Dan talks about why he likes his brand of humor. Unlike on social media where everyone curates this perfect image of themselves, Dan exposes every flaw that he has, and that’s the joke. Then, he brings it back to mental health. He says not to pretend that everything’s perfect all the time. People will actually like it if you talk about your vulnerabilities because it’s refreshing and relatable.
[2-20:31] Gabbie says that something she likes to ask people to see how they’re doing is “How’s your heart today?” In response, Dan says, “Dead. Surrounded by cholesterol.”
[2-20:45] Dan says that online friends are just as valid as any other friends. He then talks about a girl that he talked to on Messenger when he was a teenager. He didn’t know her from real life, and they didn’t even live in the same country. He just added her on Myspace, and they were both emos and totally bisexual. Dan says that having that one person to talk to made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the universe. However, they don’t speak anymore. They drifted after a year or so.
[2-23:25] Dan says that sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about how they’re doing, and you just need to come back to them. You can’t get offended if they blow you off when you ask how they’re doing. Sometimes being a good friend is sticking around and still being there for someone when they’re ready to accept your offer of help.
[2-26:22] The panel is asked how to improve one’s self-confidence. Dan says it’s about accepting who you are. He was a silent, awkward teenager and he’s become more self-confident. He says that a lot of this is due to him letting go of pressures he felt from other people and social media to be certain things or act in certain ways. When you love yourself, you’ll get confident.
- Phil's Q&A
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:50 am
I really liked this Q&A! Maybe it’s just my post-”Coming Out To You” perceptions playing tricks on me, but I felt like Phil seemed less inhibited than I’ve ever seen him before, both in terms of his body language and in terms of how he answered questions. Unlike others, I really wasn’t bothered by the interviewer (Taylor Lorenz). Her spelling out usernames was goofy, and some of her questions were duds, but a lot of them were also gems! Anyway, here are my timestamps:
[1-1:29] The first question is about Tony, Phil’s most recent pet brine shrimp that he’s grown from birth. They’re meant to live for only six weeks, but Tony is a survivor. Since Phil had to go to VidCon, he bought a fifty pound tank and a machine that feeds Tony every day.
[1-2:24] Phil is asked whether he’s going to sell vases. Phil says he likes a glass of water, so why go back for more when you can just drink out of a giant one?
[1-2:55] Phis is asked what some of his most memorable moments on YouTube have been. Phil says there’s not one memorable moment. It’s been a wonderful blur.
[1-3:41] Phil is asked what made him decide to come out now. Phil says it was strange because he’d already come out to most of his friends and family quite a while ago, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be out on the internet because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to share too much of his private life. On the other hand, he thought that his story might be able to help other people, so he thought why not let everyone know that he’s gay?
[1-4:30] Phil is asked how many VidCons he’s been to. He thinks this one might be his eighth. Thinking back to his first VidCon, he was nervous but also really excited because he had been specifically invited to attend. Phil is asked what his best VidCon was, and he says it was the first because of how novel and exciting the experience was.
[1-5:34] Phil is asked if he’s ever been starstruck by anyone. He says that Anthony Padilla was a big one. He thinks he probably played it too cool and came off as unfriendly when they first met, but they’re good friends now. He then says that he’s hung out with Safiya Nygaard now. They’ve met at a previous VidCon and talked online before, and he finds her videos very relaxing. He says that he and Dan have also hung out with Safiya’s significant other Tyler Williams, Cristine Rotenberg (Simply Nailogical), and Cristine’s sister Jennifer. This was nice because no one comes to London. When questioned about VidCon London, Phil says that not many Americans have tried it out yet.
[1-6:44] The interviewer says she likes to watch soap carving videos. Phil expresses excitement about soap carving and slime. He’s asked if he’s ever tried to make slime. Phil says he has, and it went surprisingly well. The interviewer says that slime is hard to make well.
[1-7:18] Phil is asked if he has any particularly memorable videos or any videos that were particularly fun to make. Phil says that “Tour Of My Brain” was fun because it was more artistic. “Coming Out To You” was also quite a big deal to him. It’s a video that he’s proud of for making but one that he was also nervous to post.
Phil is then asked how long he spent making “Coming Out To You.” Phil says that Dan spent months making “Basically I’m Gay,” but Phil wanted to keep his video lowkey. Nevertheless, when Phil was editing the video, he spent a long time wondering if what he was saying was right or coming across right. It also took him a while to pluck up the courage to film the video and then ultimately post it.
Phil is then asked how it felt after he posted and what was going through his mind. Phil says he got a great reaction from his audience, his peers, and also friends who he hasn’t talked to in years. It was a really good feeling, and he was happy that he posted the video.
[1-8:52] Phil is asked to share some British things that Americans should know. Phil says that he’s often asked if he knows other people in London, and he’s surprised that people don’t know that London is actually a pretty big place. He also says that people seem to think that England is basically the same thing as London.
[1-9:42] Phil is asked what he thinks the biggest difference between British and American YouTubers is. Phil doesn’t think there’s any difference.
[1-10:07] Phil is asked what advice he has for people who are just starting out on YouTube. Phil says that you should make something that you want to make and not look at what other people are doing and try to copy them because they’re successful. If you’re not doing something that fulfills you, he’s not sure it’s something you’re going to be able to stick with. He also says that a video receiving what may be considered a low view count shouldn’t be discouraging. Imagining ten or one hundred people in a room with you is actually quite a lot.
[1-11:20] Phil is asked for some examples of things that he hopes will never change about YouTube. The interviewer says that she hopes the creator community on YouTube never changes and that she hopes people still come to VidCon in twenty years. Phil agrees. He also hopes that YouTube remains a place where people can be freely creative and upload videos that they feel proud of.
[1-11:49] Phil is asked how he balances YouTube with the rest of his life and all the other projects he has going on. Phil says that he doesn’t upload as frequently as some other people (e.g., twice per day). He also just tries to juggle everything, does some good scheduling, and tries not to worry about nothing being uploaded to his channel for a week or two.
[1-12:44] Phil is asked what some projects that he’s looking forward to working on are. Phil says he’s working on some bigger things, but he doesn’t fully know what they are yet. He says that he’s written part of a script for “something” that will be really exciting if it does get made, and he has pitched it out to a couple of “things” at this point. He’s not getting too excited about it yet because there’s no guarantee that it’s actually going to happen.
[1-13:30] Phil is asked if he has any dream projects like starring in a space movie. Phil says that his acting is terrible, but maybe he could be a robot. He then says that a dream project might be a movie with a bigger budget where he wasn’t necessarily in it, but it was something that he’s made.
[1-14:16] Phil is asked how often he keeps track of his fan accounts. He responds:
P: No. I--I mean--I--I obviously look at my @replies on Twitter, and I--I love to see especially the creative community out there. Like, some of the art that you guys make is incredible. Um, so that’s--that’s really nice. But I--I think it’s--When there is a community like that, I think it’s good to just let them do their own thing and not be, like, some kind of person looking over and checking indirects and things like that because then it becomes a thing that’s not theirs. And it’s like I’m checking on what everyone is doing, which is probably what they don’t want anyway. You know?
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah.
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah. So if they @reply me, then I’ll see it, but if they don’t, then I won’t. I think there are places that you can go on the internet where you can see people talking about you and things like that, but that’s never been of interest to me because I just like people that are interacting with me directly. You know?
[1-15:20] Phil is asked what his most recent favorite meme is. Phil says that anything involving a dog is his go-to meme. Phil talks about his love for corgis. He is then asked if he would ever get a corgi, and he says that he would love to get a dog. However, it’s a huge commitment, and he wants to wait until he’s in a place where he’s definitely ready. He needs to see if Tony is still alive first. If so, he says that the dog and Tony can breed and make some kind of horrifying shrimp dog.
[1-16:59] The interviewer switches to fan questions. The first question just asks for an update on Tony. Phil says that there’s a concierge person who sits at a desk at his and Dan’s apartment, and Phil told him that there is a shrimp in their apartment that should be saved in the event of an emergency.
[1-17:38] Phil is asked what socks he has on right now. His socks have waffles with butter on them, which Phil thinks is very appropriate for America. Phil says he’ll make his own waffle stand if YouTube shuts down in a few years.
[1-18:36] Phil is asked if there are any awkward encounters he’s had that still give him flashback to this day. Phil tells the story of how he sat down in the only open seat on a train next to a woman who looked like she was sleeping. The woman started rubbing his leg, and she screamed when she opened her eyes. It turns out her boyfriend had gone to the bathroom, and she thought Phil was him. As the woman screamed, the boyfriend came out of the bathroom and started aggressively questioning Phil about what was going on. It was all a big misunderstanding.
[1-20:10] Phil is asked how he feels about the third season of Stranger Things. He says he’s only on the third episode, but he likes it. He says he’s not someone that binges shows because he feels sad when they’re over. Phil is then asked if he’s one of those people who takes one bite of their Halloween candy at a time, and he says that that is definitely not him. The interviewer says that he would be a good guest star on Stranger Things. Phil says he wouldn’t want to ruin it with his bad acting, but maybe he could play an alien.
[1-21:16] Phil is asked whether there’s something from the new era of YouTubers that he wishes he would have had when he started out. Phil says he would have liked to have faster internet, and he would take his knowledge and wisdom of not being a 17 year-old.
[1-22:09] Phil is asked what he does during a creative block. Phil says that it helps him to talk to someone. He says that he can talk to Dan. He also likes to go out for a walk to clear his head. If he’s really stuck, he tries to stop forcing it. He’ll try to think about something else or sleep on it.
[1-23:22] Phil is asked what it was like performing in front of so many people so many times in a row during Interactive Introverts. Phil says that it was made easier because he was performing in front of people who already like him and his videos.
[1-24:24] Phil is asked if there were any people who followed him and Dan around on tour to multiple cities or countries. Phil says that there were some familiar faces at multiple shows, especially in America. He then spons the DVD in the cutest way possible
[1-25:10] Phil is asked if there’s ever been a point where he wanted to quit YouTube. He says no, but there was a point where he wanted to quit the internet because he was in an embarrassing car insurance commercial. It was on British TV all the time, and he started being recognized by strangers in the street, which started to make him nervous to go outside. Since he wasn’t enjoying that attention, it made him wonder whether a career as an entertainer on the internet was the right path for him. He says he didn’t realize that there’s a difference between being recognized as a YouTube creator and a random meme from a TV commercial.
[1-26:52] Phil is asked if he has any advice for someone with social anxiety. Phil says that he’s not qualified to give proper advice on social anxiety, but he does suffer from anxiety. For him, he’s always worried about what other people are thinking about him. It helps him to realize that other people have their whole lives going on in their own heads, and their interactions with him are a completely insignificant fraction of the things that they’re thinking about.
[1-28:19] Phil is asked whether he thinks people are going to storm Area 51 and whether he’s going to join in. He says no because he doesn’t want to get shot. However, he would totally look after an alien, and he talks about a new alien meme that he likes. This reminds the interviewer about a meme involving the FBI being in people’s laptops, which prompts Phil to talk about a new sticker that he’s just gotten that allows him to slide a cover over his webcam when he wants to.
[1-29:16] Phil is asked if the gaming channel is coming back. He responds:
P: Oh, yes! The gaming channel! I think that was one of the most popular questions that were asked, uh, aside from Tony.
T: [unintelligible] There are a lot of gamers here. [unintelligible]
P: Gamers. And I’m so happy that people enjoy the gaming channel. Uh, we did--We took a pause from the gaming channel using the word “hiatus,” which always seems like a bit of a dramatic word. But the thing is, Dan wanted to obviously take a break because he didn’t want to do any YouTube videos for a while because he was planning this video about his sexuality, and that was such a big deal for him. So I was like: Okay, well, if that’s the case, we should pause everything for a bit.
P: But also I think when you’re making something, even if it’s really great and people love it, you should always have a pause and think about: What do we wanna do with this? Is this gonna last forever? How is it gonna work? So the truth is we haven’t sat down and had a full chat about what the gaming channel is going to be now. But it is something that we’re really happy people enjoyed and also in the future--
P: ’Cause the thing is with gaming, people come to the gaming channel because they like watching me and Dan do things, and I feel like the gaming part of it is less important than the funny bants. Uh, I know some people like the video games, but if you think about it, it’s more about being a comedy channel than it is necessarily about serious gaming. “We’re doing level seven of this game.” So I don’t--If it--It might come back as gaming, or it might even come back as something else where me and Dan try something new. Uh, but we haven’t spoken about it properly yet, so that might not be anything that happens.
P: But it’s just--We always wanna be evolving and trying different things, and so the answer is: I don’t know! It’s still on a hiatus, but I’m very glad that you enjoyed what we made so far on it.
[1-31:01] Phil is asked what games he likes to play. Phil says that he’s been playing a lot of Apex Legends, and he’s also recently finished playing Hollow Knight on the Switch.
[1-31:34] Phil is asked if he’s seen any celebrity dogs yet. He says he’s seen some dogs. He’s also seen the celebrity pig, and he references the photo Grace Helbig took with it:
[1-32:28] Phil is asked what the Starbucks Tie-Dye frappuccino tastes like. He says it tasted like Skittles and bananas, but the cream is very vanilla-y.
[1-32:49] Phil is asked what his usual Starbucks drink is. He says that anything with a lot of sugar is good for him.
[1-32:58] Phil is asked what he wishes he knew as a teenager. Phil says he wishes he knew not to stress out about really small things that were in his head on that day. He wishes he could have tried to imagine himself two months or two years from that moment to give himself perspective on what’s actually important.
[2-0:46] Phil is asked what he was like as a teenager. Phil says that he was very shy but, if he was people that he knew really well, he was pretty much the same as he is now. He would just say weird things that came into his head.
[2-1:01] Phil is asked what his YouTube guilty pleasure is. Phil says he really likes watching cooking videos, which he thinks is odd because he doesn’t cook very well. He then shouts out the YouTube channel JunsKitchen, which he enjoys because there are cats that watch Jun make his intricate dishes.
[2-2:11] Phil is asked if he has a go-to thing that he cooks at home. He says he’s moved beyond microwavable foods to putting a jar of something on something else. However, he really does like take-away food. Phil says it’s okay that the interviewer was confused by what “take-away” is.
[2-2:44] Phil is asked what his favorite piece of merch is. Phil says it’s the candle that he just released. He chose the glass, the wax, the scent, and the box. The candle doesn’t smell like him literally, but it does smell like the essence of him.
[2-4:13] Phil is asked what some of his favorite tour moments were. He says he liked going to Mumbai and especially New Zealand. The crew he was touring with became his friends, and it was like he was living with them for a year. Phil is asked if they have reunions with the crew. He says that they’ve had a reunion with a few of them, but they might do a one-year reunion with more of them later on.
[2-5:34] Phil is asked if there was anywhere that was booked on the tour simply because he and Dan wanted to visit there. Phil says he wanted to go back to Las Vegas, and he wanted to go to New Zealand. There were also a lot of people who wanted him to come to Manila. He’s asked if he went to Brazil, and he confirms that, yes, he went to Brazil.
[2-6:17] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he didn’t get to go that he definitely wants to get to on the next tour. Phil says he and Dan would have loved to get to Mexico.
[2-6:32] Phil is asked what inspires him the most. Phil says that other people inspire him the most. He likes seeing the creative things that other people are putting out into the world. He specifically calls out PJ Liguori for putting out creative videos.
[2-7:03] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he goes to seek inspiration. Phil says that he doesn’t go to an art gallery to cry while looking at a blank wall. He tries to watch other people’s videos or TV. He then singles out JennaMarbles in particular.
[2-7:59] Phil is asked what TV shows he’s watching. He says he’s always watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and he’s on Brooklyn Nine-Nine right now.
[2-8:21] Phil is asked if he’s a Netflix person. He says that he only watches TV shows on streaming services, not on “real TV” anymore. He says he likes house decorating shows, and he singles out Selling Sunset (which he calls kind of trash but also amazing). He says he watched it with his parents while on vacation.
[2-9:41] Phil is asked how he looks after his mental health in regards to social media. He says that he tries not to consume too much, and he tries to consume things that he knows will make him happy. He doesn’t want to be on Instagram all the time where he’s only seeing the most beautiful people, and he doesn’t want to read indirects. He says that he has intentionally curated who he follows on Twitter because he doesn’t want to be waking up and seeing political drama and anger on his feed.
[2-10:44] Phil is asked which social media platform besides YouTube he would choose to use exclusively for the rest of his life if he could only choose one. Phil chooses Twitter because that’s where he interacts the most with his audience.
[2-11:19] Phil is asked if he has any bedtime rituals for his phone at night. He says he tried to use the Screen Time app on his phone when it first came out, but it didn’t work for him. He stares at his phone until he falls asleep.
[2-12:14] The interviewer remarks that there should be a mode on your phone that you can turn on that says that you’re away to the people that are trying to reach you. Phil agrees and remarks that he doesn’t like phone calls.
[2-12:41] Phil is asked if he has any airport fail stories. Phil says that he does have one from the most recent flight to LA. He says that they were ready to take off when the captain announced that they were delayed because there was a wash (toiletry) bag on the wing of the plane, which was something he had not encountered in twenty years of being a captain. They ended up being delayed two hours while they got a crane to hoist someone on top of the wing to retrieve the bag. Some people were panicked, but Dan and Phil thought it was funny. The interviewer says that they should have just taken off, and it would have fallen off the wing. Phil says that that would have been a fun game, but they wouldn’t want it to fall on a cat or something because the cat would explode. He says that there was also a lizard on the car when they were driving around LA that just wanted to have an adventure.
[2-15:09] Phil is asked if he’s had any memorable LA adventures. Phil says that he went on a hike with Dan. The hike was hard because the path was really steep, and he’s very susceptible to sunburn because of his pale skin. Thankfully, there were lots of tiny dogs along the way that provided an emotional boost.
[2-16:07] Phil is asked what so far in his career he is most proud of. Phil says that the two tours that he and Dan have done are what he’s most proud of, especially the most recent one. He was really happy with the footage of Interactive Introverts when they were editing it for the DVD, and his mom cried a bit when he showed it to her.
[2-16:44] Phil is asked if he’s planning another tour. Phil responds:
P: Uh, not at the moment, no. I think that--That was--That was the one for a while, but I would never say never. I mean I--It’s just one of those things that it’ll feel ready to do it when it--when it’s ready. So I don’t--I’m not thinking I need to go do it now, but maybe in the future.
[2-17:03] The interviewer turns back to questions from Twitter, and she says that Phil has a lot of amazing fans because a lot of the questions were things like, “Why are you so awesome?”
[2-17:37] Phil is asked how much money he has in his wallet right now. He says he thinks he has about $42. He’s not really a cash person, and he loses his wallet a lot.
[2-17:55] Phil is asked to rate a dog. He gives it a strong 11/10. Phil is asked to rate a second dog. It is also an 11/10.
[2-19:02] Phil is asked whether he has TikTok. He says that his friend Bryony Matthewman made him install and experience TikTok once. As such, he does have it, but he doesn’t use it. He thinks its closest cousin is Vine, which he loved, and he’s watched a few TikTok compilations that he thinks are good.
[2-19:53] Phil is asked if his mother is ever going to get on YouTube. Phil explains that he once did a video with his mother, and she was afterwards recognized in a shop. He says that she didn’t realize that this was a thing that could happen, and he thinks she had enough after that.
[2-20:23] Phil is asked what it takes to be a good YouTuber. Phil thinks it’s being genuine and having something to say.
[2-20:44] Phil is asked what collab he would like to do that he hasn’t had the opportunity to do yet. He says he’d love to do one with Safiya and one with JennaMarbles. He also had a lot of fun collabing with Anthony Padilla last VidCon.
[2-21:13] Phil is asked if he’s ever filmed a video but not uploaded it. Phil says that the only time that might have happened is when he’s filmed and then the memory card has crashed or something. Also, he once did a video where he did the Myers-Briggs personality test. He filmed for about two hours before he realized that it was super boring.
[2-22:01] Phil is asked what he thinks his fanbase would be called if they hadn’t already named themselves. Phil says there’s a lot of names out there. However, the Phandom is the main one, and he likes it because it’s a play on words. The interviewer suggests the name the Phanatics, and she says she hears some boos from the audience.
[2-22:45] The interviewer remarks that a lot of the tweets that she’s getting are just pictures of dogs, and she says that she would like Twitter too if this is what her timeline looked like.
[2-23:01] Phil is asked who would play him in a movie. He suggests Benedict Cumberpatch.
[2-23:39] Phil is asked to pick a quote for his senior yearbook. He chooses, “There is never too much candy.”
[2-23:59] Phil is asked if there are any kinds of fun dances that he’s into. He says no. Then he talks about learning a whole dance routine for TATINOF.
[2-25:00] Phil is asked if he’s ever been rejected for a collab or anything that he’s wanted to do. He’s also asked what advice he would give to kids. For the advice, he says that he wouldn’t take being rejected to heart because everyone is busy, and everyone has their own things going on. Phil says he still gets rejections now. He submitted a pitch for a “thing” he was working on last year. He’d spent weeks working on ideas for a show that he wanted to make. Then “we” got the email back saying that whoever he pitched the show to wasn’t interested. He then put that idea in the bin and started working on something else. Rejection might lead to something else, so it might be the right thing even if you don’t realize it at the time.
[2-26:20] Phis is asked if he has any parting words. Phil thanks everyone for coming and for watching his videos.
- Dan's contribution to the Night of Awesome
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:51 am
I have to say that I’m really impressed with Dan for telling this story. Symbolism seems to be particularly meaningful to Dan, and, taken at face value, this story represents a colossal symbolic failure. With these events being so recent, I’m surprised that Dan has so quickly been able to see them for what they truly are: a massive victory in terms of knowing your own limitations and making the hard choices that you know are right for yourself. I don’t know. I just feel really proud of him! Here are my timestamps:
[0:53] Dan starts off by asking who’s out there in the audience. He calls out the single ladies, lesbians, confused straight boys, lowkey bisexuals, and furries.
[1:36] Dan talks about VidCon printing him a badge that says “danisnotonfire” in 2019, and he shows this tweet:
[2:03] Dan talks about how he’s now back from his break and how it turns out that he was a massive queer the whole time. This is really his first time “going out while being out.” It feels like he’s started a completely new life. He is baby (a reference to a meme).
[2:45] Dan says that it’s a special year for VidCon since it’s the tenth one. He then goes on a tangent about how he doesn’t understand why people are surprised that he’s actually awkward in person because his entire creative identity is just “missing high fives and having a sad resting face.” Dan says that the tenth anniversary of his inaugural upload to YouTube is this year. At [4:53], Dan says that he’s very impressed with himself for doing YouTube for ten years because he has commitment issues. He likes to rebel whenever someone tells him to do something.
[6:00] Dan talks about “Basically I’m Gay,” poking fun at aspects of the video that may be perceived to be flaws. He says that the video was so long, and he has no respect for anyone’s time. He says that he didn’t even give a good performance in the video because he didn’t cry, and he clearly has some emotional issues.
[6:47] Dan says that working on “Basically I’m Gay” isn’t the only thing he did in the first half of 2019. He reveals that he also signed up and trained to run in the London Marathon.
[8:20] Dan thought that him running a marathon would be a great idea for several reasons. First, if he trained to run a marathon, he would naturally become really fit and healthy, and good physical health helps your mental health. Also, if he had abs, he would probably be naked on Instagram all day. Second, the whole point of the London Marathon is to raise money and awareness for a charity. Not only would this make the world a better place, but it would also make him look really good. Third, it would make for a good story: a young person who’s publicly struggled with mental health overcoming all in an epic test of physical and mental endurance, symbolically stomping on “depression, anxiety, paranoia, various food addictions, gay trauma, etc.” with chunky running shoes.
[9:51] Given all this buildup, Dan bets people know where the story is going now. He says, “This is a past-tense story I’m telling right now.” He says that he trained in the wet, cold winter months. He was out there jogging in shorts a few times, and it was very hard. He was committed because he had signed up to run in the marathon, which is a formal, intimidating process, and he had told his family and friends that he was doing this because nothing motivates him more than guilt and shame, the fear of disappointing someone. He felt love and support from the people he told, but he didn’t feel confident enough to tell his audience what he was doing. The stakes were so high, and it would have been humiliating if he had fallen over halfway through the marathon.
[11:05] Dan says that he guesses the moral of this story is that “sometimes your best actually isn’t good enough.” He ended up pulling out of the race the night before it happened, after he had already carbo-loaded about 20,000 calories of sweet potatoes. In trying to overcome the mental health setbacks he’s experienced through his life, mental health ended up winning. He just didn’t feel ready in the end because his fitness level when he started training had been so low. Also, since he hadn’t told his audience, he felt that the opportunity to support a charity had basically been wasted.
[12:14] Dan says that the hardest thing (besides digesting all of the potatoes he had just eaten) was telling his family and friends that he had decided not to race. The hardest person to tell was his mom because she texted him a photo of her wearing a homemade shirt that said “Team Dan PROUD Mum” ([12:54]) right before he was about to tell her that he had decided to drop out. Dan says that everyone’s initial responses were nice and supportive, but the real truth came out later on. His mom eventually said, “To be honest, I thought it was a bad idea that you signed up,” and his friends said similar things. For him, this was like the paranoid thought you have that everyone’s being really nice but they don’t actually believe in you, except it was actually true.
[14:05] Dan talks about what he’s taken away from this experience. He says he increased his fitness level from zero to one. He got to explore London for the first time. Then he says:
D: But in a way, me saying “no” at the last minute was a victory in itself. Okay? Sometimes in life, we feel all this pressure to do things just ‘cause we feel like it’s the right thing to do, what other people are telling us to do, or what society wants. And, you know, to say, “I’m gonna be honest with myself: I can’t do that.” or just, “I actually don’t want to do that thing.” That’s the right decision.
He says that he learned to be okay with trying something out of his comfort zone and being totally comfortable with accepting defeat.
[14:57] Dan says that other than coming to terms with how gay he was and thinking about the rest of his career, training to run a marathon was what he was up to in the first half of 2019. He thinks it’s strange that sharing the stories and details from his life are so important to him and to his audience. Taking a break from uploading made him reflect on what he’s been doing in recent years and think about what he wants to keep doing in the future. This, in turn, made him think about what his life would have been like if he had decided that it wasn’t worth his time to upload “HELLO INTERNET.” ten years ago, and he thinks it would have been worse. He thinks his internet career is mostly a good thing, and he bets that he’d still have all the same problems if he finished law school and ended up as a weird barrister. He’d be just as awkward and sad and secretly gay. He also says that telling stories from his life and talking about the things that he’s struggled with (depression, authenticity, sexuality) helps him process and accept them, and he thinks it’s lovely if hearing these stories helps anyone in his audience.
[17:01] Dan asks if everyone wants to know what he has planned next for his career/life, and he says that he has no idea. He feels like he’s just entered this new chapter of his life, and he wants some time to reassess and reflect and decide what he wants to do instead of just jumping straight back into things.
obsessivelymoody wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:04 am
Omg god of timestamps, this is amazing
Thank you, that's so nice of you to say! Thank you for recording the videos!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
ravenreyes wrote: Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:32 pm
btw, does anyone know if there's some sort of transcript or collection of dan's quotes or something from the mental health panel? i have a really hard time watching things with an audience lol
I didn't do transcripts, but I did do timestamps for:
- Dan's contributions to the mental health panel
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:41 am
This was a nice panel! It was fun to see Dan interact with other creators, and it’s always fun to hear more about Dan’s worldview. It was also very interesting to hear some additional thoughts about “Daniel and Depression,” “Trying To Live My Truth,” and “Basically I’m Gay.” Here are my timestamps:
The following is all part of the same response:
[1-14:33] Dan is asked how his audience reacted to him taking a “break” from uploading to YouTube over the past several months for his mental health. Dan starts with a tangent about how poor mental health is an invisible illness. He says awareness has gotten a lot better over the past few years. He claims the video “Daniel and Depression” came out in 2018 , and he says that no one knew he was struggling with his mental health until he uploaded that video.
[1-16:09] Dan comes back to (the “break” part of) the question. He says that he feels like he puts a piece of himself online whenever he uploads a video. With the frequency of the gaming channel that he and Phil “had” ([1-16:31]), he felt like he had no space for personal growth behind the scenes between uploads. He decided to upload “Trying To Live My Truth” and not come back until he was ready. He didn’t want to use his professional life to procrastinate on his personal life.
[1-17:19] Dan says that the plot twist here is that he was a massive queer the whole time, and this is another example of how you don’t know what’s happening in someone’s life unless you communicate these things. It’s really hard to talk about what’s happening in your life and how you’re feeling, but it’s so important to do it.
[1-17:54] Gabbie Hanna says that “Daniel and Depression” is what motivated her to start talking about her own struggles with mental health. She also says that his “Basically I’m Gay” video was really beautiful, and she encourages everyone to go watch it. Dan says that it better be good since it basically took a whole year to make.
[1-18:28] Hannah Hart says that she thought “Trying To Live My Truth” was going to be Dan’s coming out video. Dan responds that that was the whole point. There were certain things that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet, including sexuality, mental health, and personal relationships. On YouTube, he didn’t feel like he was being the person he knew he was on the inside, and he knows it was the right decision to stop uploading until he had dealt with the things from his personal life that were holding him back.
[1-20:05] Dan repositions himself so that he has both feet up on the couch. It’s cute. That is all.
[1-23:35] Dan talks about the pressure from YouTube culture to upload weekly/frequently. He says he had a literal mental breakdown when he tried to upload weekly 5-6 years ago for a period of about 4 months. He felt guilty and shameful for not uploading more frequently. Even innocent comments like, “I really like you! Can I have some new content?” made him feel horrible. He thinks the YouTube culture about uploading frequency is changing for the better.
[1-26:24] In response to a story Gabbie told about how she came to make a video that revitalized her channel by going through a breakdown, Dan says that there’s a phrase that goes “a breakdown is actually a breakthrough.” He says that that’s not him being original. He says that being backed into a corner is sometimes a good thing because it can force you to reckon with something you’ve been avoiding.
[1-29:50] In response to Hannah commenting that it’s never been an option for her to have a breakdown because she’s always been responsible for providing for her family, Dan says that he likes that this story highlights how you never know what someone might be struggling with behind the scenes despite all outward appearances. His family has never had any money, and there’s always been pressure on him not to fuck up his career because he would have to start from zero.
[1-32:26] Dan says that one of his favorite things about YouTube and coming out is watching the different ways people do it because it’s a beautiful way to see the different kinds of creators people are. He liked Elle Mills's coming out video because it was so extra and on-brand for her.
[2-2:18] Dan says that struggling with labels held him back from talking about his sexuality. He maybe could have made a coming out video in 2014 or 2015, and it would have been half of what he ended up making this year. He felt especially confused when people online started talking about gender identity because he didn’t know what he felt anymore. He wanted to come out as “something” so that his sexuality wasn’t a “weird secret” anymore, but he felt a weird stress. He says that anyone who feels like that probably shouldn’t because they can just come out as a “Q.”
[2-3:14] Dan starts talking about a different topic: the fine line when talking about depression, anxiety, and sexuality between saying the right thing to be helpful and saying something that’s going to stress someone out. Dan says that he felt he had to be really careful in not making the story in “Basically I’m Gay” too sad or stressful because he still wanted to give people hope. He didn’t want to whitewash what had happened to him, but he also didn’t want to scare anyone off because “the moment you come out, your life instantly becomes a million times better.” He also didn’t want anyone to feel that if coming out hadn’t gone perfectly for them, something was wrong because “everyone’s life is a mess.”
[2-6:40] The panel is asked what advice they have for aspiring creators who are starting out today and who want to be conscious of their mental health. Dan says that you should make what you want to make how and when you want to make it. You shouldn’t feel forced to do anything. You should do it because you love it. Lots of YouTubers work really hard, finally make it, then have a mental breakdown. We all choose how hard we work and what we have to sacrifice to do that. People should always do something because they love it, always remind themselves where they’re at, and try not to work themselves into a corner.
The following is part of the same response:
[2-10:50] Dan says not to tie your self-worth to social media. He says that it’s insane what social media does to our mental health. Then he polls the audience, asking which social media platform (Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook) stresses people out the most. (Based on accounts from the room, Instagram and Twitter were the overwhelming favorite choices and were basically tied, a few people voted for Tumblr, and even fewer voted for Facebook.) Dan says that Instagram is stressful because there’s all these beautiful, perfect people with their perfect lives. Twitter is stressful because everyone is angry and political and also more clever and funnier than he is. Tumblr is stressful because of the discourse, and Dan suggests that Facebook isn’t that stressful for him.
[2-12:31] Dan talks about why he likes his brand of humor. Unlike on social media where everyone curates this perfect image of themselves, Dan exposes every flaw that he has, and that’s the joke. Then, he brings it back to mental health. He says not to pretend that everything’s perfect all the time. People will actually like it if you talk about your vulnerabilities because it’s refreshing and relatable.
[2-20:31] Gabbie says that something she likes to ask people to see how they’re doing is “How’s your heart today?” In response, Dan says, “Dead. Surrounded by cholesterol.”
[2-20:45] Dan says that online friends are just as valid as any other friends. He then talks about a girl that he talked to on Messenger when he was a teenager. He didn’t know her from real life, and they didn’t even live in the same country. He just added her on Myspace, and they were both emos and totally bisexual. Dan says that having that one person to talk to made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the universe. However, they don’t speak anymore. They drifted after a year or so.
[2-23:25] Dan says that sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about how they’re doing, and you just need to come back to them. You can’t get offended if they blow you off when you ask how they’re doing. Sometimes being a good friend is sticking around and still being there for someone when they’re ready to accept your offer of help.
[2-26:22] The panel is asked how to improve one’s self-confidence. Dan says it’s about accepting who you are. He was a silent, awkward teenager and he’s become more self-confident. He says that a lot of this is due to him letting go of pressures he felt from other people and social media to be certain things or act in certain ways. When you love yourself, you’ll get confident.
- Phil's Q&A
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:50 am
I really liked this Q&A! Maybe it’s just my post-”Coming Out To You” perceptions playing tricks on me, but I felt like Phil seemed less inhibited than I’ve ever seen him before, both in terms of his body language and in terms of how he answered questions. Unlike others, I really wasn’t bothered by the interviewer (Taylor Lorenz). Her spelling out usernames was goofy, and some of her questions were duds, but a lot of them were also gems! Anyway, here are my timestamps:
[1-1:29] The first question is about Tony, Phil’s most recent pet brine shrimp that he’s grown from birth. They’re meant to live for only six weeks, but Tony is a survivor. Since Phil had to go to VidCon, he bought a fifty pound tank and a machine that feeds Tony every day.
[1-2:24] Phil is asked whether he’s going to sell vases. Phil says he likes a glass of water, so why go back for more when you can just drink out of a giant one?
[1-2:55] Phis is asked what some of his most memorable moments on YouTube have been. Phil says there’s not one memorable moment. It’s been a wonderful blur.
[1-3:41] Phil is asked what made him decide to come out now. Phil says it was strange because he’d already come out to most of his friends and family quite a while ago, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be out on the internet because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to share too much of his private life. On the other hand, he thought that his story might be able to help other people, so he thought why not let everyone know that he’s gay?
[1-4:30] Phil is asked how many VidCons he’s been to. He thinks this one might be his eighth. Thinking back to his first VidCon, he was nervous but also really excited because he had been specifically invited to attend. Phil is asked what his best VidCon was, and he says it was the first because of how novel and exciting the experience was.
[1-5:34] Phil is asked if he’s ever been starstruck by anyone. He says that Anthony Padilla was a big one. He thinks he probably played it too cool and came off as unfriendly when they first met, but they’re good friends now. He then says that he’s hung out with Safiya Nygaard now. They’ve met at a previous VidCon and talked online before, and he finds her videos very relaxing. He says that he and Dan have also hung out with Safiya’s significant other Tyler Williams, Cristine Rotenberg (Simply Nailogical), and Cristine’s sister Jennifer. This was nice because no one comes to London. When questioned about VidCon London, Phil says that not many Americans have tried it out yet.
[1-6:44] The interviewer says she likes to watch soap carving videos. Phil expresses excitement about soap carving and slime. He’s asked if he’s ever tried to make slime. Phil says he has, and it went surprisingly well. The interviewer says that slime is hard to make well.
[1-7:18] Phil is asked if he has any particularly memorable videos or any videos that were particularly fun to make. Phil says that “Tour Of My Brain” was fun because it was more artistic. “Coming Out To You” was also quite a big deal to him. It’s a video that he’s proud of for making but one that he was also nervous to post.
Phil is then asked how long he spent making “Coming Out To You.” Phil says that Dan spent months making “Basically I’m Gay,” but Phil wanted to keep his video lowkey. Nevertheless, when Phil was editing the video, he spent a long time wondering if what he was saying was right or coming across right. It also took him a while to pluck up the courage to film the video and then ultimately post it.
Phil is then asked how it felt after he posted and what was going through his mind. Phil says he got a great reaction from his audience, his peers, and also friends who he hasn’t talked to in years. It was a really good feeling, and he was happy that he posted the video.
[1-8:52] Phil is asked to share some British things that Americans should know. Phil says that he’s often asked if he knows other people in London, and he’s surprised that people don’t know that London is actually a pretty big place. He also says that people seem to think that England is basically the same thing as London.
[1-9:42] Phil is asked what he thinks the biggest difference between British and American YouTubers is. Phil doesn’t think there’s any difference.
[1-10:07] Phil is asked what advice he has for people who are just starting out on YouTube. Phil says that you should make something that you want to make and not look at what other people are doing and try to copy them because they’re successful. If you’re not doing something that fulfills you, he’s not sure it’s something you’re going to be able to stick with. He also says that a video receiving what may be considered a low view count shouldn’t be discouraging. Imagining ten or one hundred people in a room with you is actually quite a lot.
[1-11:20] Phil is asked for some examples of things that he hopes will never change about YouTube. The interviewer says that she hopes the creator community on YouTube never changes and that she hopes people still come to VidCon in twenty years. Phil agrees. He also hopes that YouTube remains a place where people can be freely creative and upload videos that they feel proud of.
[1-11:49] Phil is asked how he balances YouTube with the rest of his life and all the other projects he has going on. Phil says that he doesn’t upload as frequently as some other people (e.g., twice per day). He also just tries to juggle everything, does some good scheduling, and tries not to worry about nothing being uploaded to his channel for a week or two.
[1-12:44] Phil is asked what some projects that he’s looking forward to working on are. Phil says he’s working on some bigger things, but he doesn’t fully know what they are yet. He says that he’s written part of a script for “something” that will be really exciting if it does get made, and he has pitched it out to a couple of “things” at this point. He’s not getting too excited about it yet because there’s no guarantee that it’s actually going to happen.
[1-13:30] Phil is asked if he has any dream projects like starring in a space movie. Phil says that his acting is terrible, but maybe he could be a robot. He then says that a dream project might be a movie with a bigger budget where he wasn’t necessarily in it, but it was something that he’s made.
[1-14:16] Phil is asked how often he keeps track of his fan accounts. He responds:
P: No. I--I mean--I--I obviously look at my @replies on Twitter, and I--I love to see especially the creative community out there. Like, some of the art that you guys make is incredible. Um, so that’s--that’s really nice. But I--I think it’s--When there is a community like that, I think it’s good to just let them do their own thing and not be, like, some kind of person looking over and checking indirects and things like that because then it becomes a thing that’s not theirs. And it’s like I’m checking on what everyone is doing, which is probably what they don’t want anyway. You know?
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah.
T: [unintelligible]
P: Yeah. So if they @reply me, then I’ll see it, but if they don’t, then I won’t. I think there are places that you can go on the internet where you can see people talking about you and things like that, but that’s never been of interest to me because I just like people that are interacting with me directly. You know?
[1-15:20] Phil is asked what his most recent favorite meme is. Phil says that anything involving a dog is his go-to meme. Phil talks about his love for corgis. He is then asked if he would ever get a corgi, and he says that he would love to get a dog. However, it’s a huge commitment, and he wants to wait until he’s in a place where he’s definitely ready. He needs to see if Tony is still alive first. If so, he says that the dog and Tony can breed and make some kind of horrifying shrimp dog.
[1-16:59] The interviewer switches to fan questions. The first question just asks for an update on Tony. Phil says that there’s a concierge person who sits at a desk at his and Dan’s apartment, and Phil told him that there is a shrimp in their apartment that should be saved in the event of an emergency.
[1-17:38] Phil is asked what socks he has on right now. His socks have waffles with butter on them, which Phil thinks is very appropriate for America. Phil says he’ll make his own waffle stand if YouTube shuts down in a few years.
[1-18:36] Phil is asked if there are any awkward encounters he’s had that still give him flashback to this day. Phil tells the story of how he sat down in the only open seat on a train next to a woman who looked like she was sleeping. The woman started rubbing his leg, and she screamed when she opened her eyes. It turns out her boyfriend had gone to the bathroom, and she thought Phil was him. As the woman screamed, the boyfriend came out of the bathroom and started aggressively questioning Phil about what was going on. It was all a big misunderstanding.
[1-20:10] Phil is asked how he feels about the third season of Stranger Things. He says he’s only on the third episode, but he likes it. He says he’s not someone that binges shows because he feels sad when they’re over. Phil is then asked if he’s one of those people who takes one bite of their Halloween candy at a time, and he says that that is definitely not him. The interviewer says that he would be a good guest star on Stranger Things. Phil says he wouldn’t want to ruin it with his bad acting, but maybe he could play an alien.
[1-21:16] Phil is asked whether there’s something from the new era of YouTubers that he wishes he would have had when he started out. Phil says he would have liked to have faster internet, and he would take his knowledge and wisdom of not being a 17 year-old.
[1-22:09] Phil is asked what he does during a creative block. Phil says that it helps him to talk to someone. He says that he can talk to Dan. He also likes to go out for a walk to clear his head. If he’s really stuck, he tries to stop forcing it. He’ll try to think about something else or sleep on it.
[1-23:22] Phil is asked what it was like performing in front of so many people so many times in a row during Interactive Introverts. Phil says that it was made easier because he was performing in front of people who already like him and his videos.
[1-24:24] Phil is asked if there were any people who followed him and Dan around on tour to multiple cities or countries. Phil says that there were some familiar faces at multiple shows, especially in America. He then spons the DVD in the cutest way possible
[1-25:10] Phil is asked if there’s ever been a point where he wanted to quit YouTube. He says no, but there was a point where he wanted to quit the internet because he was in an embarrassing car insurance commercial. It was on British TV all the time, and he started being recognized by strangers in the street, which started to make him nervous to go outside. Since he wasn’t enjoying that attention, it made him wonder whether a career as an entertainer on the internet was the right path for him. He says he didn’t realize that there’s a difference between being recognized as a YouTube creator and a random meme from a TV commercial.
[1-26:52] Phil is asked if he has any advice for someone with social anxiety. Phil says that he’s not qualified to give proper advice on social anxiety, but he does suffer from anxiety. For him, he’s always worried about what other people are thinking about him. It helps him to realize that other people have their whole lives going on in their own heads, and their interactions with him are a completely insignificant fraction of the things that they’re thinking about.
[1-28:19] Phil is asked whether he thinks people are going to storm Area 51 and whether he’s going to join in. He says no because he doesn’t want to get shot. However, he would totally look after an alien, and he talks about a new alien meme that he likes. This reminds the interviewer about a meme involving the FBI being in people’s laptops, which prompts Phil to talk about a new sticker that he’s just gotten that allows him to slide a cover over his webcam when he wants to.
[1-29:16] Phil is asked if the gaming channel is coming back. He responds:
P: Oh, yes! The gaming channel! I think that was one of the most popular questions that were asked, uh, aside from Tony.
T: [unintelligible] There are a lot of gamers here. [unintelligible]
P: Gamers. And I’m so happy that people enjoy the gaming channel. Uh, we did--We took a pause from the gaming channel using the word “hiatus,” which always seems like a bit of a dramatic word. But the thing is, Dan wanted to obviously take a break because he didn’t want to do any YouTube videos for a while because he was planning this video about his sexuality, and that was such a big deal for him. So I was like: Okay, well, if that’s the case, we should pause everything for a bit.
P: But also I think when you’re making something, even if it’s really great and people love it, you should always have a pause and think about: What do we wanna do with this? Is this gonna last forever? How is it gonna work? So the truth is we haven’t sat down and had a full chat about what the gaming channel is going to be now. But it is something that we’re really happy people enjoyed and also in the future--
P: ’Cause the thing is with gaming, people come to the gaming channel because they like watching me and Dan do things, and I feel like the gaming part of it is less important than the funny bants. Uh, I know some people like the video games, but if you think about it, it’s more about being a comedy channel than it is necessarily about serious gaming. “We’re doing level seven of this game.” So I don’t--If it--It might come back as gaming, or it might even come back as something else where me and Dan try something new. Uh, but we haven’t spoken about it properly yet, so that might not be anything that happens.
P: But it’s just--We always wanna be evolving and trying different things, and so the answer is: I don’t know! It’s still on a hiatus, but I’m very glad that you enjoyed what we made so far on it.
[1-31:01] Phil is asked what games he likes to play. Phil says that he’s been playing a lot of Apex Legends, and he’s also recently finished playing Hollow Knight on the Switch.
[1-31:34] Phil is asked if he’s seen any celebrity dogs yet. He says he’s seen some dogs. He’s also seen the celebrity pig, and he references the photo Grace Helbig took with it:
[1-32:28] Phil is asked what the Starbucks Tie-Dye frappuccino tastes like. He says it tasted like Skittles and bananas, but the cream is very vanilla-y.
[1-32:49] Phil is asked what his usual Starbucks drink is. He says that anything with a lot of sugar is good for him.
[1-32:58] Phil is asked what he wishes he knew as a teenager. Phil says he wishes he knew not to stress out about really small things that were in his head on that day. He wishes he could have tried to imagine himself two months or two years from that moment to give himself perspective on what’s actually important.
[2-0:46] Phil is asked what he was like as a teenager. Phil says that he was very shy but, if he was people that he knew really well, he was pretty much the same as he is now. He would just say weird things that came into his head.
[2-1:01] Phil is asked what his YouTube guilty pleasure is. Phil says he really likes watching cooking videos, which he thinks is odd because he doesn’t cook very well. He then shouts out the YouTube channel JunsKitchen, which he enjoys because there are cats that watch Jun make his intricate dishes.
[2-2:11] Phil is asked if he has a go-to thing that he cooks at home. He says he’s moved beyond microwavable foods to putting a jar of something on something else. However, he really does like take-away food. Phil says it’s okay that the interviewer was confused by what “take-away” is.
[2-2:44] Phil is asked what his favorite piece of merch is. Phil says it’s the candle that he just released. He chose the glass, the wax, the scent, and the box. The candle doesn’t smell like him literally, but it does smell like the essence of him.
[2-4:13] Phil is asked what some of his favorite tour moments were. He says he liked going to Mumbai and especially New Zealand. The crew he was touring with became his friends, and it was like he was living with them for a year. Phil is asked if they have reunions with the crew. He says that they’ve had a reunion with a few of them, but they might do a one-year reunion with more of them later on.
[2-5:34] Phil is asked if there was anywhere that was booked on the tour simply because he and Dan wanted to visit there. Phil says he wanted to go back to Las Vegas, and he wanted to go to New Zealand. There were also a lot of people who wanted him to come to Manila. He’s asked if he went to Brazil, and he confirms that, yes, he went to Brazil.
[2-6:17] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he didn’t get to go that he definitely wants to get to on the next tour. Phil says he and Dan would have loved to get to Mexico.
[2-6:32] Phil is asked what inspires him the most. Phil says that other people inspire him the most. He likes seeing the creative things that other people are putting out into the world. He specifically calls out PJ Liguori for putting out creative videos.
[2-7:03] Phil is asked if there’s anywhere that he goes to seek inspiration. Phil says that he doesn’t go to an art gallery to cry while looking at a blank wall. He tries to watch other people’s videos or TV. He then singles out JennaMarbles in particular.
[2-7:59] Phil is asked what TV shows he’s watching. He says he’s always watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and he’s on Brooklyn Nine-Nine right now.
[2-8:21] Phil is asked if he’s a Netflix person. He says that he only watches TV shows on streaming services, not on “real TV” anymore. He says he likes house decorating shows, and he singles out Selling Sunset (which he calls kind of trash but also amazing). He says he watched it with his parents while on vacation.
[2-9:41] Phil is asked how he looks after his mental health in regards to social media. He says that he tries not to consume too much, and he tries to consume things that he knows will make him happy. He doesn’t want to be on Instagram all the time where he’s only seeing the most beautiful people, and he doesn’t want to read indirects. He says that he has intentionally curated who he follows on Twitter because he doesn’t want to be waking up and seeing political drama and anger on his feed.
[2-10:44] Phil is asked which social media platform besides YouTube he would choose to use exclusively for the rest of his life if he could only choose one. Phil chooses Twitter because that’s where he interacts the most with his audience.
[2-11:19] Phil is asked if he has any bedtime rituals for his phone at night. He says he tried to use the Screen Time app on his phone when it first came out, but it didn’t work for him. He stares at his phone until he falls asleep.
[2-12:14] The interviewer remarks that there should be a mode on your phone that you can turn on that says that you’re away to the people that are trying to reach you. Phil agrees and remarks that he doesn’t like phone calls.
[2-12:41] Phil is asked if he has any airport fail stories. Phil says that he does have one from the most recent flight to LA. He says that they were ready to take off when the captain announced that they were delayed because there was a wash (toiletry) bag on the wing of the plane, which was something he had not encountered in twenty years of being a captain. They ended up being delayed two hours while they got a crane to hoist someone on top of the wing to retrieve the bag. Some people were panicked, but Dan and Phil thought it was funny. The interviewer says that they should have just taken off, and it would have fallen off the wing. Phil says that that would have been a fun game, but they wouldn’t want it to fall on a cat or something because the cat would explode. He says that there was also a lizard on the car when they were driving around LA that just wanted to have an adventure.
[2-15:09] Phil is asked if he’s had any memorable LA adventures. Phil says that he went on a hike with Dan. The hike was hard because the path was really steep, and he’s very susceptible to sunburn because of his pale skin. Thankfully, there were lots of tiny dogs along the way that provided an emotional boost.
[2-16:07] Phil is asked what so far in his career he is most proud of. Phil says that the two tours that he and Dan have done are what he’s most proud of, especially the most recent one. He was really happy with the footage of Interactive Introverts when they were editing it for the DVD, and his mom cried a bit when he showed it to her.
[2-16:44] Phil is asked if he’s planning another tour. Phil responds:
P: Uh, not at the moment, no. I think that--That was--That was the one for a while, but I would never say never. I mean I--It’s just one of those things that it’ll feel ready to do it when it--when it’s ready. So I don’t--I’m not thinking I need to go do it now, but maybe in the future.
[2-17:03] The interviewer turns back to questions from Twitter, and she says that Phil has a lot of amazing fans because a lot of the questions were things like, “Why are you so awesome?”
[2-17:37] Phil is asked how much money he has in his wallet right now. He says he thinks he has about $42. He’s not really a cash person, and he loses his wallet a lot.
[2-17:55] Phil is asked to rate a dog. He gives it a strong 11/10. Phil is asked to rate a second dog. It is also an 11/10.
[2-19:02] Phil is asked whether he has TikTok. He says that his friend Bryony Matthewman made him install and experience TikTok once. As such, he does have it, but he doesn’t use it. He thinks its closest cousin is Vine, which he loved, and he’s watched a few TikTok compilations that he thinks are good.
[2-19:53] Phil is asked if his mother is ever going to get on YouTube. Phil explains that he once did a video with his mother, and she was afterwards recognized in a shop. He says that she didn’t realize that this was a thing that could happen, and he thinks she had enough after that.
[2-20:23] Phil is asked what it takes to be a good YouTuber. Phil thinks it’s being genuine and having something to say.
[2-20:44] Phil is asked what collab he would like to do that he hasn’t had the opportunity to do yet. He says he’d love to do one with Safiya and one with JennaMarbles. He also had a lot of fun collabing with Anthony Padilla last VidCon.
[2-21:13] Phil is asked if he’s ever filmed a video but not uploaded it. Phil says that the only time that might have happened is when he’s filmed and then the memory card has crashed or something. Also, he once did a video where he did the Myers-Briggs personality test. He filmed for about two hours before he realized that it was super boring.
[2-22:01] Phil is asked what he thinks his fanbase would be called if they hadn’t already named themselves. Phil says there’s a lot of names out there. However, the Phandom is the main one, and he likes it because it’s a play on words. The interviewer suggests the name the Phanatics, and she says she hears some boos from the audience.
[2-22:45] The interviewer remarks that a lot of the tweets that she’s getting are just pictures of dogs, and she says that she would like Twitter too if this is what her timeline looked like.
[2-23:01] Phil is asked who would play him in a movie. He suggests Benedict Cumberpatch.
[2-23:39] Phil is asked to pick a quote for his senior yearbook. He chooses, “There is never too much candy.”
[2-23:59] Phil is asked if there are any kinds of fun dances that he’s into. He says no. Then he talks about learning a whole dance routine for TATINOF.
[2-25:00] Phil is asked if he’s ever been rejected for a collab or anything that he’s wanted to do. He’s also asked what advice he would give to kids. For the advice, he says that he wouldn’t take being rejected to heart because everyone is busy, and everyone has their own things going on. Phil says he still gets rejections now. He submitted a pitch for a “thing” he was working on last year. He’d spent weeks working on ideas for a show that he wanted to make. Then “we” got the email back saying that whoever he pitched the show to wasn’t interested. He then put that idea in the bin and started working on something else. Rejection might lead to something else, so it might be the right thing even if you don’t realize it at the time.
[2-26:20] Phis is asked if he has any parting words. Phil thanks everyone for coming and for watching his videos.
- Dan's contribution to the Night of Awesome
itasca00 wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:51 am
I have to say that I’m really impressed with Dan for telling this story. Symbolism seems to be particularly meaningful to Dan, and, taken at face value, this story represents a colossal symbolic failure. With these events being so recent, I’m surprised that Dan has so quickly been able to see them for what they truly are: a massive victory in terms of knowing your own limitations and making the hard choices that you know are right for yourself. I don’t know. I just feel really proud of him! Here are my timestamps:
[0:53] Dan starts off by asking who’s out there in the audience. He calls out the single ladies, lesbians, confused straight boys, lowkey bisexuals, and furries.
[1:36] Dan talks about VidCon printing him a badge that says “danisnotonfire” in 2019, and he shows this tweet:
[2:03] Dan talks about how he’s now back from his break and how it turns out that he was a massive queer the whole time. This is really his first time “going out while being out.” It feels like he’s started a completely new life. He is baby (a reference to a meme).
[2:45] Dan says that it’s a special year for VidCon since it’s the tenth one. He then goes on a tangent about how he doesn’t understand why people are surprised that he’s actually awkward in person because his entire creative identity is just “missing high fives and having a sad resting face.” Dan says that the tenth anniversary of his inaugural upload to YouTube is this year. At [4:53], Dan says that he’s very impressed with himself for doing YouTube for ten years because he has commitment issues. He likes to rebel whenever someone tells him to do something.
[6:00] Dan talks about “Basically I’m Gay,” poking fun at aspects of the video that may be perceived to be flaws. He says that the video was so long, and he has no respect for anyone’s time. He says that he didn’t even give a good performance in the video because he didn’t cry, and he clearly has some emotional issues.
[6:47] Dan says that working on “Basically I’m Gay” isn’t the only thing he did in the first half of 2019. He reveals that he also signed up and trained to run in the London Marathon.
[8:20] Dan thought that him running a marathon would be a great idea for several reasons. First, if he trained to run a marathon, he would naturally become really fit and healthy, and good physical health helps your mental health. Also, if he had abs, he would probably be naked on Instagram all day. Second, the whole point of the London Marathon is to raise money and awareness for a charity. Not only would this make the world a better place, but it would also make him look really good. Third, it would make for a good story: a young person who’s publicly struggled with mental health overcoming all in an epic test of physical and mental endurance, symbolically stomping on “depression, anxiety, paranoia, various food addictions, gay trauma, etc.” with chunky running shoes.
[9:51] Given all this buildup, Dan bets people know where the story is going now. He says, “This is a past-tense story I’m telling right now.” He says that he trained in the wet, cold winter months. He was out there jogging in shorts a few times, and it was very hard. He was committed because he had signed up to run in the marathon, which is a formal, intimidating process, and he had told his family and friends that he was doing this because nothing motivates him more than guilt and shame, the fear of disappointing someone. He felt love and support from the people he told, but he didn’t feel confident enough to tell his audience what he was doing. The stakes were so high, and it would have been humiliating if he had fallen over halfway through the marathon.
[11:05] Dan says that he guesses the moral of this story is that “sometimes your best actually isn’t good enough.” He ended up pulling out of the race the night before it happened, after he had already carbo-loaded about 20,000 calories of sweet potatoes. In trying to overcome the mental health setbacks he’s experienced through his life, mental health ended up winning. He just didn’t feel ready in the end because his fitness level when he started training had been so low. Also, since he hadn’t told his audience, he felt that the opportunity to support a charity had basically been wasted.
[12:14] Dan says that the hardest thing (besides digesting all of the potatoes he had just eaten) was telling his family and friends that he had decided not to race. The hardest person to tell was his mom because she texted him a photo of her wearing a homemade shirt that said “Team Dan PROUD Mum” ([12:54]) right before he was about to tell her that he had decided to drop out. Dan says that everyone’s initial responses were nice and supportive, but the real truth came out later on. His mom eventually said, “To be honest, I thought it was a bad idea that you signed up,” and his friends said similar things. For him, this was like the paranoid thought you have that everyone’s being really nice but they don’t actually believe in you, except it was actually true.
[14:05] Dan talks about what he’s taken away from this experience. He says he increased his fitness level from zero to one. He got to explore London for the first time. Then he says:
D: But in a way, me saying “no” at the last minute was a victory in itself. Okay? Sometimes in life, we feel all this pressure to do things just ‘cause we feel like it’s the right thing to do, what other people are telling us to do, or what society wants. And, you know, to say, “I’m gonna be honest with myself: I can’t do that.” or just, “I actually don’t want to do that thing.” That’s the right decision.
He says that he learned to be okay with trying something out of his comfort zone and being totally comfortable with accepting defeat.
[14:57] Dan says that other than coming to terms with how gay he was and thinking about the rest of his career, training to run a marathon was what he was up to in the first half of 2019. He thinks it’s strange that sharing the stories and details from his life are so important to him and to his audience. Taking a break from uploading made him reflect on what he’s been doing in recent years and think about what he wants to keep doing in the future. This, in turn, made him think about what his life would have been like if he had decided that it wasn’t worth his time to upload “HELLO INTERNET.” ten years ago, and he thinks it would have been worse. He thinks his internet career is mostly a good thing, and he bets that he’d still have all the same problems if he finished law school and ended up as a weird barrister. He’d be just as awkward and sad and secretly gay. He also says that telling stories from his life and talking about the things that he’s struggled with (depression, authenticity, sexuality) helps him process and accept them, and he thinks it’s lovely if hearing these stories helps anyone in his audience.
[17:01] Dan asks if everyone wants to know what he has planned next for his career/life, and he says that he has no idea. He feels like he’s just entered this new chapter of his life, and he wants some time to reassess and reflect and decide what he wants to do instead of just jumping straight back into things.
The boys (and M&C) made it to Vegas! If we don't get some ig stories out of this, then what was even the point?!
Jokes aside, I hope they have an awesome time at their runaway Vegas wedding, and I wonder how long they're going to be staying.
Ablissa wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:32 am
The boys (and M&C) made it to Vegas! If we don't get some ig stories out of this, then what was even the point?!
Jokes aside, I hope they have an awesome time at their runaway Vegas wedding, and I wonder how long they're going to be staying.
My first two thoughts:
1) oh they look so cute babies
2) Dan why in the actual fuck do you wear a black hoodie in the middle of the damn desert but a fucking cotton tshirt in a place with AC blasting I'm
Will probably never be over the BONCAS and the beauty of Phil Lester.
Phantasy wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:20 am
Aww... the original poster actually runs a Phan/meme account!
The reason I didn't post the original Instagram was because the poster discloses their current location as of just a few hours ago. I hope they're not staying there and just went for the slots?
alittledizzy wrote: Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:07 pm
I said this on tumblr earlier, but while I enjoyed the podcast - I just really wish they could somehow have waited a month and a half to record because I would actually kill for 25 minutes of Dan talking about the creative process just being Basically I'm Gay.
Showing up late to this conversation ironically without coffee but hardcore agree. I know that's not how the podcast works but I'd also die for a follow up interview. On top of being infinitely curious about the production and scripting of BIG, I would also just love to hear him reflect on his own comment about never having had a viral, career-changing video now that he's had one only a short time later.
Phantasy wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:20 am
Aww... the original poster actually runs a Phan/meme account!
The reason I didn't post the original Instagram was because the poster discloses their current location as of just a few hours ago. I hope they're not staying there and just went for the slots?
Ah. Gotcha... yeah, they could just be passing through.
I don’t feel too protective over their location status when they’re in a place like Vegas though (unless of course it got stalker-ish like what building/floor/room they’re in). But Vegas is so crowded and there are many celebrities out and about no matter where you go it’s hard to keep location stuff contained. And the hotels are so massive, you might as well be saying they’re at Disneyland—if your phone’s ever died at a theme park/ music festival and you try to find someone, you know the feeling.
Good thing is they can always just sneak off to a guests only part of the building or the high roller area and disappear, plus the security apparatus is super tight, if someone is clearly trying to stalk out a celebrity or loiter they’ll be dealt with.
Edit: it’s 2am in Vegas and Phil is posting posterior shaped rock formations. Go to bed boys!
Last edited by Phantasy on Thu Jul 18, 2019 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
I've just ended my work day and I've already listened to the Talentworks podcast twice. Before this, I'd thought that I wouldn't really like a dnp podcast because the visuals were so important to me. But it was actually really nice to listen to Dan talk (and smile at some of the things he says) while I go about my work. I'm now fully on board if dnp decide to go the podcast route!
Also an fyi in case anyone isn't aware - the podcast is also available on Spotify if you prefer the Spotify player
The podcast was really wonderful and it really hammered home how much I just enjoy hearing Dan talk. Although it did make me want to go listen (again) to the peak of all Dan and Phil audio-only content, the ii Directors Commentary. But still, it was really nice to hear him speak about creative things and in particular the tours for a little bit. I love the idea that D&P wanted to make every ii show different because they knew we'd want to consume all the content from every single show regardless.
It is incredible how different I feel like this may have sounded if it had been recorded post-BIG. I got a little emo at past-Dan talking about how he's "never gone viral" because honey, you've got a big (beautiful gay) storm coming. Not just that, but when he was talking about the videos he was most proud of and mentioned ~videos like Daniel & Depression, knowing that he's (understandably and deservedly) proud of that video but that at this point he was also working on BIG... that got me deep.
Ok, honestly I just want him to sit down for another 45 minutes and talk about the process of making BIG.
On another note, I've been laughing all morning about Cornelia's insta stories - Martyn looking like he's trying genuinely to push the car while Dan gives it one confused shove and then stares at it, Cornelia's filming and Phil's off somewhere else, just having a shower in the middle of the desert? I guess? It paints such a hilarious picture.
You're the glue that holds this entire operation together, Martyn.
I absolutely loved the podcast. I'm team: would love a deppy podcast but what would they even talk about? But i really do wish they did more proper interviews like this because i love hearing about thoughts and motivations we might not get otherwise.
I too would love to hear his thoughts in the PCOU, but if it had been recorded after BIG it probably would have been 90% questions about that. Now we got to hear him talk about his comedy influences (sidenote, i laughed at how he couldn't think of a person he looked up to. Come on, just say Phil, we all know it) and goals for the future. Like how he wanted to try stand up comedy, which was basically what he did at vidcon.
I loved how he talked about the tours. He brought up some new points about II, like how they knew people would travel to see multiple shows and that's a reason why they wanted every show to be different. He spoke so warmly about their audience too, it made me smile.
Another thing that made me chuckle was when they asked about collaborating for the book and the tour, and Dan just kept talking about the team around them. Like, of course Phil isn't a collaborator, they really are just one unit.
Now they have both mentioned scripts for more long form content and i'm really curious about what that might turn into. They usually don't mention things they are working on before they have anything to announce, so it's really interesting that they're talking about things that might not happen or take years to produce. Whatever happens i think they could do something great if they had the chance.
It really feels like they are going through a shift in their careers right now and i'm excited to see what the future brings!
I'm laughing so hard that Phil posted that Instagram Story! It fits so perfectly into the theme of this thread, and I can't help but wonder if Phil's imagination with this rock formation was somehow sparked by experiences with the shower from his earlier Instagram Story.
knq wrote: Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:23 am
I appreciate these so much, thank you itasca00!
Thank you for saying so! I appreciate your appreciation!
You're being beamed up by aggressive aliens and they're plugging in the anal probe
"Oh, God. Okay. I say: *shrug* [...] I'd be like, 'I don't know how this works. Put a condom on that thing. *shrug*'"
Dan Howell, 5/10/18 Try new things..?
I also thoroughly enjoyed the podcast. The hosts had clearly done their research and it seemed like a very calm and casual chat. I'd never thought of panel shows being an influence on Dan, but now that he's mentioned it I can definitely see it. I'd actually really enjoy seeing him on something like mock the week, although I agree with him that that style of show kind of appeals to a different sort of audience.
, and he says that no one knew he was struggling with his mental health until he uploaded that video.
Here are my timestamps:
So cool!
