alittledizzy wrote: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:34 pmThe video played out like a journey to me; he shared how he identified at various points in his life, because of various contributing factors, various fears of judgement and internalized oppression, and at the end of the video faced his truth that gay is what he is despite being so afraid of it for so many years. Hence coming out to his family as gay, titling the video as gay, using social media to reference himself as a gay man, liking things on social media specifically directed at gay men, used 'homosexual' in his instagram story. To me that indicates that gay is what he prefers, not queer.phoenixfeather wrote: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:08 pm i’m on mobile and way too lazy to quote omgsonew but i definitely feel the same way! more than just using “gay” as a label, i’ve seen a lot of people talking about exclusively male attraction for him because the term “gay” is what he’s using publicly right now. i think it was pretty evident that he’s using it as a way to face his fears and reclaim the term for himself, and prefers to use queer long term.
i think dan was trying to insinuate something similar when he said that he’s not fully gay, but probably a “bit more gay” and “it’s easier for gays to hook up with each other due to societal norms” (i’m not sure if that’s the exact quote because again, mobile and lazy). plus, of course, chances are his primary sexual partner for over a decade has been a male.000dia000 wrote: Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:08 pm
Hypothetically, if he's been truly in a monagamously relationship with Phil since the age of 18, I can understand why it may be a little difficult for him to fully determine the spectrum of his sexuality.
ultimately, i thought it was pretty clear that he prefers the term queer, so that’s what i’d prefer to use for him, personally. of course using the word “gay” for him isn’t at all wrong since he’s using that on social media atm, and it’s amazing because it’s such a power move for him to identify with the label that has caused him so much pain for so long. but whoever is claiming that he only used the term “queer” due to the fact he hasn’t fully come to terms with his sexuality yet is just straight up going against everything he says in the “labels” chapter of his video. he makes a point to clarify that he finds his sexual and romantic attraction to be at least somewhat fluid, and despite the literal definition of the word “gay”, he’s going to use it anyway for personal reasons. to which i say, more power to him, and it’s not fair to discount such a big thing for him so we can fit him into the box we’d like him to fit into (again, his words he’s used on more than one occasion, although paraphrased).
using the labels he has chosen is one thing. assuming his intentions are not what he claims them to be is another.
(also would like to note that more than one time while i was typing this, i accidentally switched to the emoji keyboard and of all the things to accidentally hit, it was the m/m kiss emoji. more than once. amazing.)
anyway. #1 thing i want post coming out universe is that video phil mentioned he’d casually drop his sexuality into. i hope he still plans to do so.
again, my issue is not that people are using the term gay for him, because he’s literally using it himself. it’s that i’ve seen people (here, and elsewhere) try to assign a meaning to it that he did not give.
that kind of mindset is what i feel uncomfortable with.I felt like Dan saying he also labels himself "queer" is a way of escaping the fact that he is gay. Plain and simple. Gay. "You want a word" he says, but really, I think he wants a word as well, and plays it like his fear of labeling himself comes from sexuality being fluid, and not from his internalized homophobia
he says he doesn’t care about what’s between someone’s legs and that he’s maybe a bit more attracted to men but wonders if it’s because he’s been with more men.
i’m not saying he doesn’t identify as gay or that it’s something we shouldn’t use to refer to him—i said the exact opposite. i’m not arguing word choice. my issue is that it’s not up to anyone but him to make statements about whether his own sexuality is fluid or not when he explicitly says that it is.
It's inappropriate to call Dan pansexual when he's already clearly given you two labels he identifies with: gay and queer. It's equally inappropriate to apply your definition of what it means to be gay onto Dan when Dan's given you a solid 10k essay on what it means to him.
