IDB

flarequake wrote:That was so cosy and warm, he was so happy. The pigeon story had me maybe that was the turning point. I wasn't feeling it at the start cos the room's so grey, my first thought was it looks like a Star Trek set and his top could be one of the uniforms, but he was so lovely. Keep smiling, Daniel

YES THIS . it was bothering me the whole time because I couldn't figure out what his whole set up reminded me of. Dan's a secret Trekkie confirmed.

I debated with myself whether to post it or not, as I haven't had the time before the ls and now we've moved on, but I decided to do it simply because it's been all so strange for me to read, like from a different planet. I'm not an active tumblr user, but I've seen some posts about people in their 20s being too old for fandoms and it's so... utterly bizarre, idk, that I'm asking myself if it may be a cultural thing. I'm originally from Russia and I've been in fandoms for the last maybe 15 years since my early teens, but I've always felt like I was too young for everything and I couldn't connect with people because of that. I know there are other Russian people on this forum, maybe my perspective is skewed or something, but it has literally always been people in their 20s/30s/40s or more, a lot of women with children, and I really struggled with it and couldn't find my place when I was 16-19. I remember being a beta for some fanfic at 17, I think, and I was so serious about it, the plot, the characterization, the mechanics of sex (because of course it was smut), while the author was an adult woman who just, it turned out, wanted to have a little fun with characters, so she wanted me to check her grammar and didn't care at all for anything else (not in a bad way, just that is was a hobby for her that she wasn't taking seriously). I distinctively remember being a teen and wanting to develop this "mature" lighthearted attitude so I'm able to be a part of a fandom "like an adult", lol (needless to say, I'm 27 now and still don't have any fandom friends in any part of the world, but now, on top of everything, they say I'm too old to be in fandom, man, this world is sure crazy)

edited bc grammar and I'm hella sleepy

not sure if it is cultural, I'd say it's more yt and lately also anime/manga community specific. I've been in a lot of fandoms, and even in HP we had a group of people from 16 up to 50+. And they've done cosplay, written fictions and went to conventions. so idk, I have never experienced this feeling of being too old, only lately with anime/manga community and dnp specifically. Also when tumblr started in my memory there were mainly people from late teens to late 20s (that mainly migrated there after the big livejournal strikethrough, ah good old days, not the strikethrough though), but lately... but again, it is depending on fandom I suppose. I don't think about it too often cause it really depends on fandom - and I certainly don't feel anyone is too old for tumblr just depends on the 'circles' around fandoms. and yt creates just a very young circle on first glance. (man I miss the HP fandom..cause after the circle fell apart, it sure is kinda lonely just floating around.. nostalgia)

19:30 (chat) Why does Phil have a shelf in your room?
“This is the upstairs living room. Maybe the downstairs one could be Phil’s and this one could be mine and that way we could both play video games at the same time without being annoyed that one of us is hogging the TV. Oh my god, that’s how I could have played Zelda while Phil played FF.”
"I think I showed you in Phil’s show that there’s this weird glass wall [to maybe use as dinof background, not sure yet]. Expect things to move around."

20:18 (chat) Were you there when Phil got shouted at for the pigeons?
"I wasn’t there, but I’ve seen Phil freaking out about the pigeons"
"Phil was like, 'I’m so excited. There’s pigeons’"
“Lots of people were like [don’t fuck with pigeons] but Phil was super excited, so he started feeding them with cereal, [and he freaked out/projectile-attacked the pigeon with food]"
“The pigeon screamed and started flying, Phil screamed and ran away and I was just sat here like ‘what did you even attempt to do there’”

35:30 (chat) Do you think Phil is going to change his branding?
“No, Phil’s happy with AmazingPhil and blue and green colours."

2:06 “So you’ll probably not see [this room] other than in photos that Phil inevitably posts of me doing something, like stop taking photos of me you creep"

04:23 "Name a YTer other than Phil that actually [doesn’t use their real name]. I’m like the only person other than Phil that hasn’t changed their display name thing to their actual name on YT yet. But I thought I’d make a really big deal of it, just for you."

12:44 (about his many new terraria/ums) “I’m in charge of watering them, not Phil"

22:30 “I love when YTers do house tours, and yet I feel like they’re a bit too materialistic. Who knows if Phil feels like that’s [a/the?idk] way. Or not. Who knows.”

41:55 "Phil’s having a holiday with his family. Honestly, Playlist Live, we’ve been going the past couple years, why does Phil’s family always have a holiday in Orlando at the same time? I feel like they’re in cahoots. I don’t trust them at all. So we filmed a bunch of [DAPG] videos."

05:15 “My name is still Dan is the thing, and my username is still danisnotonfire, so 'Phil is not on fire', wh—? (laughs) I love that people were actually concerned about this. Phil is not on fire series, it's an important thing to a lot of people out there."
"All of the new pinof vids are just sequels to the first one, there’s no reason why those would change. 'Dan and Phil' is still Dan and Phil because my name is still Dan.”

7:15 "‘Phil is not on fire’ doesn’t change. Nothing’s changing other than my external branding."

14:50 (chat) Dan when did you decide to rebrand?
"For awhile. For a very very, very very, very long time. The thing is, me and Phil [had the book and tour thing going on] and the whole point was to kind of celebrate and immortalize these early days of YT and everything and the name ‘danisnotonfire’ was obviously— 'Phil and I’ [annoying neverending gag of people correcting his grammar and him engaging with it continues]"

15:35 "Obviously I couldn’t [rebrand during the tour]."
[then he thought he would do it in November, then the new year for his first video, but:
Jan: recovering from tour
Feb: “Me and Phil were like doing a thing that you might see or like maybe not, who knows"
Mar: "difficult for reasons that I might tell you"
Then Australia. Now here he is.]
“What happened? How has 6 months passed?"
-what could they have possibly done in Feb that he feels is worth mentioning but that we 'might not see'. We're obviously going to see it, wtf is it. PITCHING? SERIES? Weren't they talking about exercise and we assumed it was about moving/packing BUT MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING ELSE PHYSICAL. Trying to get another stage show going?

17:05 "There’s a Dan shelf and a Phil shelf. Up there, you’ve got Phil’s Buffy comics, some Stephen King books. There you’ve got all my old poetry and theatre and some like shitty philosophy books"

25:50 “The one regret that me and Phil have about tatinof is that it couldn’t go to more places. It was a big production, we had a point to prove, we wanted it to be super creative and blow everyone’s minds— ‘Phil and I’ [grammar banter continues some more, shoot me]."
"The one bad thing was we didn’t get to go to all the places in Europe, in Canada [ ], in Asia, New Zealand, so yeah."
-.......... Maybe they'll get those other places on Tour #2 since they proved their point and sold out a bunch of venues.....
Gotta keep saving for that downpayment

33:48 “Me and Phil were so completely absorbed by tatinof and even the book before that [so basically all the changes were being put off until now]. But that’s just because we’ve barely just recovered from the tour.”

40:25 "me and Phil are hosting [a Playlist kick off thing], we’re being like, super professional presenters, except it’ll be stupid and casual, so that should be fun."
"Obviously me and Phil will do some things just us”
“Honestly, ‘Phil and I’, I’m just not gonna learn [shoot. me.], the day I say 'Phil and I' will be the day I stop referring to it as the ‘danisnotonfire' background."

42:55 (chat) Have you met the neighbours yet?
"I haven’t yet. Phil has. That went well, didn’t it?"

58:55?[ish in original younow] (chat) Can't wait to meet you this Saturday
"Is that this Sa- Oh my god it's Tuesday! Me and Phil are totally prepared to host this event."

4:00 "So from now on my username online is going to be Daniel Howell."

5:00 "As I said, this is just me changing my display name; the YT channel will always be danisnotonfire, whether I like it or not"

6:25 “'Can I call you 'the Big D’ said George. No."
-wow George I’m glad he’s back, life wasn’t the same without a weekly check in from George living his George life

06:55 “It’s funny because my family calls me Daniel. No one from my family calls me Dan. Or Danny.”
-interesting, but not a bad thing like I feel some people might run with it. My brother’s friends/etc and our parents call him a shortened version of his name and I’ve never once called him anything but his full name, and we’re close, so. Don't jump into the deep end just with that little tidbit, you might drown

7:35 (chat) What’s your fursona name?
"D-fizzle, I guess, I don’t know"

8:00 “Someone wise said to me: You are happy when you feel like you’re being authentic, so if you know who you are on the inside and that is the who you are that you’re portraying on the outside, that’s one of the things that can make you feel at ease. Or rather, that if you feel like the person you’re portraying on the outside isn’t wholly reflecting who you are on the inside, that can be a source of stress and anxiety. And I’m sure lots of you probably feel like that now […].
And it’s that whole thing where you feel like ‘I need to be who I am’ and that could be coming out, it could be dyeing your hair, it could be becoming a hamster breeder and running away to Argentina.
[It’s important that all of you try to] aspire to communicate the person that you are on the inside. Which for me isn’t a big deal, but changing my name to Daniel Howell was just a tiny part of that. So yeah, that’s that."

9:30 (chat) 2017 Dan is my favourite Dan
“Same”
-

10:00 smidge of piano playing I LOVE LAMP
“Uh oh Dan’s cheating the fingering”
“So I’ll get back to you in 10 years once I’ve learned that"

10:50 “Yes, no, the ship isn’t now ‘phaniel’ (laughs). Whatever."

26:25 “The thing is, with YT videos, it’s really tough for me ‘cause I worry so much. [he basically put out the quiz video on dinof as filler while freaking out about rebranding/moving/Australia].
It’s that thing where lots of people can enjoy lots of content but what makes me happy, what makes Daniel happy, is when I feel like I’m really really challenging myself and expressing myself, and doing something that I feel is original to me and not just any kind of light entertainment that anyone could make. And I know that that’s bad in the sense that there’s so many things I could do that people would just enjoy [...] but the whole thing with me is I roll around for 4 days [and whatever comes out at the end], at some point I felt like it was something personal to me that I wanted to express."
28:15 "When I get back from Orlando, I’ll do some deep introspective pondering and I do want to make it a goal that more content on my YT channel is good. Stuff that you go, ‘damn that was some good content.’”

29:05 “The thing is, when I’m a YTer and I’ve got this kind of established community of lovely, intelligent, kind, supportive, talented people with great taste, just the best taste on the internet, I feel like it’s a big deal to change anything. Because people like watching the Dan videos, and if something changes, then it’s like [oh no change is scary], but personally in your lives change can be inspiring.”

29:45 “Sometimes you do things that would make you less comfortable. It’s that whole ‘living vs existing’ thing. It’s like, what is ‘having everything you need and being comfortable and being content moment to moment’ vs really—"
"Deep down I’m somebody that craves that challenge and I feel like I need to be provoked a bit, so maybe stuff like that’s important, even if it causes adversity in the meanwhile"

30:55 (chat) Marry Owen Jones
“I think he has a boyfriend, I’m not sure."

33:25 (chat) Dan for Prime Minister so we have better school lives
“Maybe. I have too many skeletons in my closet."

34:35 “You’ll see [more of the apartment] in exposing videos that Phil shoots of me without me looking up"

35:10 “I could be about that, but I feel like mentally I need to be in a different place [to be more casual or shit-posty on his side channel the way other YTers are]. It’s scary.”

42:17 "'Horse' said Tommy. Yup, horse is coming, Tom. Don’t worry, you’re going to get that horse action that you crave. Among other things."
-well all I’m craving now is a ship name for George and Tommy. Teorge. Gommy?

45:15 (after music talk) “YTers, it’s very hard, because what people want is lots of stuff all the time, and music artists get to spend like 2 years doing an album that then blesses you forever. And I’m not saying that’s what I want to do, it’s about me just finding that sweet spot where I’m happy with the content that I’m making, I think it’s good, and then I’m also not starving everybody to death."

46:50 “Tell you what, we saw Troye [at Amplify] and had a little catch-up chat very briefly. I was like, ’sorry to just like disgrace your existence with my ugly self in your presence’"

51:25 “My kind of inspiration for dinof, what I need is time and space because I’m an introvert. So even if I’ve been on holiday with a bunch of people, that will kind of stress me out a bit."
"Because what I need in order to be creative and calm down is just to be alone in a quiet place."

52:30 "I’m just not a good YTer in that sense. Some people might just be much more functional people that don’t have to deal with all the mental health issues. Until I make changes in my life as I go along, just constantly trying to make things better for who I am, what I’m like, this is just how it works. So for you, who are used to all these other YTers, I’m sorry that I’m not a better YTer, but it’s just the struggle."
"There’s so many things that I know that I should be doing, it’s just hard to do.”
"These last couple years, they’ve been so busy, and it’s been great, these last two years. They’ve definitely been the best years of my life, just with all of the great success and amazing times me, and Phil, have had, really connecting with you guys. And now it’s a time to kind of sit back and breathe. Where I shouldn’t have agreed to going to all of these events, cause honestly— (laughs).
‘Phil and I’. Look. (laughs)."
-I'm really glad he's making all these changes at his own pace and on his own terms and not feeling the need to be defensive about it, he's just laying it the fuck out here so simply and I'm not the most outwardly sentimental person, ew emotions, but things are happening in my heart rn over all of this

55:45 (chat) Have you watched Line of Duty?
“No, Andrew. But everyone I know keeps telling me to, and now you have Andrew, so it’ll be the next show that I'll watch."
-George, Tommy, Steven, Andrew. why does it suddenly reek of Axe/Lynx body spray in here

55:55 (chat) Doggo please
“Not yet. Still renting. Renting is bad” etc.
“So Phil and I can’t get a dog yet, ‘cause it’s not a dog-friendly landlord and all that. A dog would be good. Phil’s obsessed with a corgi. So, brace for that, who knows. Or maybe it will be an ugly mongrel that we adopt, that was like the first dog that my family got, a completely unfunctional mongrel."

56:50 "London is very expensive, like oh my god. Like no one can buy a house, no young people. The only people that can buy houses in London are like doctors or 50-year olds that have been saving up. It's challenging."

58:10 "after Orlando I’ll make a [dinof] video”

"Thank you to everybody who was kind about yesterday. I had no idea what to expect."
"Everyone was being almost too sincere and supportive because you know, it’s not a big deal. It's still danisnotonfire."
"So thanks. As always, bear with me on this journey of life and YT. I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s just a constant struggle. There will be new YT videos at some point. What will it be? Oh god, what am I doing? With my life? I don't even know, I’ve just been thinking about this book I’ve been writing with Phil and this stage show for so long and now.. What is it all about?”