alittledizzy wrote: Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:36 pm
This is a response to too many individual people for me to quote (though I'm really loving the reactions here, and might go back and reply to some individually later).
I definitely disagree with this being a "coming out" on grounds of not thinking that anyone should need one definitive coming out in order to be seen as not straight when they are obviously not straight. That said; yeah, to me, the highlight of this video was Dan's comfort and subsequent analysis of Dan's comfort because the rest of the video was just... meh. Boring. I am paraphrasing myself from tumblr, but this video was the equivalent of the kind of venting you do at three am when there's only one person around and you want to get things off your chest but you don't actually want them to know anything about you. We all knew Dan is someone who does a lot of self reflection, is perpetually unsatisfied with where he is in life, and has no idea what he wants out of his future. A lot of us are also pretty comfortable and confident in knowing Dan is not straight and in a committed relationship with Phil, presumably having committed relationship people sex.
The only new piece of information in this video to me is that Dan Howell right now in 2018 is a person who wants to be able to say those things to us and to his casual audience in a main channel video. So to me, that's what's most interesting to see people talk about and react to.
I’m honestly loving Dan’s version of a “rebrand” and the personal journey he’s been putting on display. This video basically was a zazzed up version of a liveshow talking point, but I'm not mad at it. I know a lot of people sometimes express worry or regret about it seeming that
all anybody focuses on is phan stuff at the expense of D&P’s Art™, and I
occasionally somewhat start to agree but more often just shrug and think there’s no harm in people enjoying what they enjoy and fixating on what they’re drawn to fixate on. Generally. But then we get to these more specific things of Dan doing something that is New for him, which in this specific case is to allude to being in a
current sexual (at least) relationship with somebody else. And immediately associating that with Phil and making that the focus (and the Point?) of his entire video, that’s… something else. Obviously I get that his sexuality and relationship are huge things to fans (
obviously since.. I am one of them) but all of his strides, the entirety of who he is and what he does constantly being reduced to “so is he 'out'
now? can we call it confirmed
now? are he and Phil canon
now?” just kind of disheartens me in a big way. Like it’s something beyond just happening to enjoy 5 seconds of slowed down eye contact gifs (or more recently: actual physical contact gifs haha) more than the entirety of an otherwise boring gaming video or something, because whatever, that’s just an entertainment preference, who cares. What continues to wear me down here is that people can’t just
be. With Dan, everyone is constantly shitting themselves over and over again that this is finally it, maybe we can stridently define aspects of his existence
now (still waiting for labels even after he's said he's not into labels....) and he can stop ‘teasing’ and obfuscating (you know, how he does, while just existing in the world as some unsolvable riddle for people who just really like 'cute gay boys' and wouldn’t it be easier if he would just hurry up and identify himself as such for the sake of the collective malignant curiosity?).
And here’s the thing: if he ever chooses to release some kind of OfFiciAL cOmiNg oUT vid at some point, because he wants to and it’s important to him for whatever reason, fuck yeah. Coming out vids are great!
For people who desire to make them. But not everybody should be made or expected to feel that desire as a de facto part of existence for (publicly known) people who may not identify as straight and I find any other mindset on that point fucking oppressive. Yet it’s always there, seeping through even the most innocuous posts squeeing about phan, just a constant reminder that people who haven’t yet suitably “announced” themselves are to be looked at always with an undercurrent of suspicion and distrust and
expectancy, which is the most exhausting thing of them all, because that's the reminder right there that nothing is ever
really enough. There's got to be more, always.
Dan making a video discussing a general desire to live his truth (and being clear that it’s a resolution that he’s kind of forever in the midst of working on) 1. does not mean that the truths he’d like to express and share right now on a public stage are the "truths" parts of his audience are agitatedly waiting for and 2. they may never be
Anyway, he’s in this weird area full of corners where he’s starting to like, widen his little forcefield of personal boundaries to include somebody else and not just relegate what he shares of the more personal and intimate aspects of his existence to
only himself, and that's Pretty Neat. This time (ish) two years ago (not last year like I wrote at first, wow time is melting I don't remember 2016 or 2017 how is his diss track so old) he kept it to masturbation alone and pizza (and crying!) and now here we are with oral sex with a partner and pizza (and laughter!). I’m really flipping happy that he’s still finding more ways to be open and comfortable by putting fewer limits on what he feels like he’s “allowed” to share.
rizzo wrote: Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:31 pm
Now that we know he enjoys regular sex, his next video will feature his relationship preferences: "Monogamy. I'm not a big one night stand or short fling guy. Give me that healthy af long-term relationship."
Like. Genuinely this. Even something like actually drawing from his own personal experiences when answering an ISG question, instead of the vague 'people in relationships
should-' saying 'in my relationship experience, [blah blah]'. I’m just thinking about that reflective sounding comment in a liveshow last year where he said commitment can be scary, sometimes. Maybe that is something he’d like to talk about and hasn’t felt able because everybody will attribute it to Phil and phan and him/them saying a few times over the years that they’re not interested in sharing their personal (in the sexual/romantic sense) relationships on YT hasn’t changed, but not wanting to talk about relationships (and the ups/down, ins/outs (heh) of being in them)
at all has, at least for Dan. It’s been such a closed off subject that clearly Dan has felt stifled by, so he’s changing that. And it’s great to see that people can change their minds and their actions and decide maybe something wasn’t working and try something different in an attempt to be happier (oh, hm, kind of like he talked about in the video):
0:50 “And this mission’s not just to find a dream life to work towards in the future, but to find a sustainable feeling of content right now so that I feel happy in the present”
1:35 “Unless you are honest with yourself about who you are and live life by your rules, you will never feel free”
4:06 “The problem for me personally is that half the time I don’t know who I am or what I want”
5:55 “It is scary, but if any of you feel like something’s not right and you aren’t content, ask yourself: are you living your truth? And if not, forget what anyone else thinks. Even if it’s one tiny impossible step at a time, each one will bring you infinitely closer to happiness”
He’s just taking some tiny impossible steps to be happy in the present, while admitting he doesn’t know what he wants from the future. And one of those steps apparently is telling the world how much he loves to s some d— hey, we all take different paths.
Anyway I'll shut up and aw look at somebody who recently climbed aboard the therapy train being uncharacteristically supportive:
)However, I do think its more possible that he is dating someone and trusts him not to put their relationship out there before he's ready, and that doesn't necessarily have to be Phil imo. Anyway, to answer your question after a bunch of rambling, there was that "senpai" that Dan went on a walk with a few months back, that he specifically confirmed was Not Phil. Not that we have any idea exactly who that senpai was, but its a possibility in my mind.
, I want to share that I too believe this is the year Dan and Phil will come out as a couple. It won't be in the way other couples on YouTube have done it, no big spectacles for these two, but I think that two forces are working behind the scenes to make this inevitable. First, both Dan and Phil have been maturing their content as they've aged up their on-camera personas. Part of that maturation, has been a greater degree of authenticity. Now, granted, this has been more Dan than Phil, but Phil's made great strides of his own. I think he's pretty much kicked his innocent, angel bean image, which is certainly a step in the right direction. Second, I just don't think they can keep their relationship a secret indefinitely. 
) but I wanted to say that I appreciate Dan being open about where he is in his life and attempting to use his platform to do good. 
