Offtopic thread

[loststars]

Why not have a place for every random thought that doesn't fit in the other threads? (Pretty much similar to the 'How Was Your Day' but even more random. )

What are you listening to right now?
How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester?
What was your first OTP?
What other forums do you frequent?
How did you get addicted to the internet?
Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion)
Do you shop online?
Do you have a hobby?
Do you believe in dreams/astrology?
How would you describe your last relationship?


Whatever comes to mind. Maybe some of those have been covered already

Have any of you been on an IPB forum back in the early 00's when they were so popular? Or on LiveJournal? I used to be obsessed and even had a couple of forums/LJ communities of my own. Mainly for graphics-sharing/PS techniques or tutorials and fandom talk.
Now the only community that seems to be alive on LJ is ONTD, I skim through it instead of a morning newspaper every now and then. They provide solid entertainment when something scandalous happens in celebrity-land.

Also, why is online shopping so tempting? I live for ASOS and KIKO omg.

[angrymob]

Not familiar with IPB and don't really like ONTD, but I used to be on fbr_trash quite a lot, which was... interesting. Got to see the absolute shitstorm that happened when some of the bands got involved in it themselves GG wishes it could have had that sort of drama.

[DryCereal]

I'm game. What are you listening to right now? Rain on the window, and the "running empty" beep on my IV. AAAAAAAARGH! (Not complaining, definitely won't be making a fuss - there are some super-sick old folks on the ward, I am not the priority patient tonight.)
How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester? Been off work since January. I am lowkey worrying that all my students will have forgotten about me and the classes I used to teach by the time I am ready to go back to work...
What was your first OTP? Probably Luka & Abby in ER.
What other forums do you frequent? None anymore!
How did you get addicted to the internet? III'm a fitness instructor, so work mornings and evenings with a long-ass gap in the middle of the day. There's only so much nap-time a girl can use...!
Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion) Fuck no. Highkey judging/side eyeing Phil so damn hard about that.
Do you shop online? Far too much.
Do you have a hobby? Many. Water/winter sports, singing, dancing, playing various instruments, gaming, posting way too much on here, reading...
Do you believe in dreams/astrology? I believe in coincidences... gemini AF right here...! and that your brain processes things in your sleep, which is why dreams seem to relate to things going on in your conscious life...
How would you describe your last relationship? A waste of 6 years of my life I'd quite like back, thanks. BUT my current relationship is chuffing amazing, so why worry about the past?

[loststars]

Not familiar with IPB and don't really like ONTD, but I used to be on fbr_trash quite a lot, which was... interesting. Got to see the absolute shitstorm that happened when some of the bands got involved in it themselves GG wishes it could have had that sort of drama.

Never heard of it before, is it similar to ONTD?
Most as you say 'interesting' (regarding LJ at least) has been what I've seen from spn_gossip or whatever the name was. I've never joined but o h g o d the screenshots/some of the discussions/fanart


Jeez, IckleMissMayhem you're my idol with all these sports! Wish I was more coordinated What kind of instruments do you play?

In terms of hobbies, I used to draw soooo much around the peak of my HP-obsession (Ron/Hermione was my OTP of OTPs). Wish I had gone to an art school instead of the ~serious stuff, maybe things would have been entirely different.

[bluebox-away]

What are you listening to right now? War of Hearts by Ruelle
How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester?
As I'm on exchange this year doesn't count so my motivation has completely disappeared, but I'm already stressed about next year and figuring out what to do with my life after uni
What was your first OTP? Probably Hinny or Jily? I don't really remember but almost certainly Harry Potter related
What other forums do you frequent? None, just obsessed with D&P
How did you get addicted to the internet? Started out with a lot of habbo hotel, neopets, etc, did the whole Bebo and Piczo blogging thing for a while and then found tumblr and youtube and fully fell down the rabbit-hole
Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion) No way!
Do you shop online? Only for books and makeup really, I like to try clothes/shoes on in person
Do you have a hobby? Is Netflix a hobby..? I read a lot and play the piano, but not very sporty or creative
Do you believe in dreams/astrology? I never remember my dreams and know very little about astrology
How would you describe your last relationship? Nonexistent, my life so far has been perpetual singled

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

[swofro]

What are you listening to right now?
Besides the bird singing outside my window, nothing much.

How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester?
I am currently have no attachment to any education institution. No regret right there.

What was your first OTP?
AsuCaga

What other forums do you frequent?
I used to be into religions forum but I never contribute anything, just lurking. This (and the other one) is the only forum where I participates in conversations. Hoho. Also I am a user of neoseeker

How did you get addicted to the internet?
When my dad finally hook our house up with internet back in 2010, I straight away hang around either neoseeker or youtube. I join national service on 2012 so that was a year of mostly no internet for me but I think the development of smart phone helps the addiction a lot.

Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion)
No because I am a nervous train wreck.

Do you shop online?
Yeap. Mostly books though because it's kinda easier

Do you have a hobby?
I play games, read books, drawing and paintings, and watch movies. The boring hobbies. I love to do puzzles too.

Do you believe in dreams/astrology?
No but it is interesting to see what it means to other people.

How would you describe your last relationship?
That was a bad breakup. I haven't seen him for five years despite spending the same year studying in the same country abroad. I am in good term of his current girlfriend though, she is nice. lol.

[alittledizzy]

What are you listening to right now? Some wait music for the Geek&Sundry twitch channel while I (naturally) wait on a show to start. They're gonna have a sloth play D&D. I can't wait.

What was your first OTP? I'm a chronic RPF person, so as far back as third grade I can remember making up stories in my head about teachers that I would see flirting with each other. Fictionally, probably Crusher/Picard from Star Trek: TNG, or Mulder/Scully. (Am I dating myself with these references?)

What other forums do you frequent? The only other actual forum I visit is FreeJinger, because I'm an atheist but I have a weird obsession with fundie Christian families and the dramas of their lives.

How did you get addicted to the internet? In eighth grade typing class, I discovered a penchant for fast typing and a decently intuitive ability to navigate computers. My parents started taking me to the public library and I remember going on Star Trek forums and discovering fanfic (which I had already been writing for years, but that other people might want to read it was a total revelation) and basically my entire eight grade year was me falling in love with the internet and online fandoms. Eventually my parents bought us a computer and I made a few online friends and started writing more.

I was really active on mailing lists and yahoo groups, forums, and then once I hit college and for the first time in my life had an internet connection that wasn't dialup, I was on livejournal nonstop. (I also do remember being very into icon making challenges, landcomms, and fic communities. I miss LJ.)

[coffee pig]

What are you listening to right now? The Kids Aren't Alright- Fall Out Boy
How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester? I'm in my final year of uni, so I'm in a perpetual state of I have about fifty essays to write, and I post on this forum between writing to keep myself sane.

What was your first OTP? Probably a Harry Potter otp, like Ron/Hermione or Luna/Neville. I was actually heartbroken when Luna and Neville did not end up getting together in the epilogue. Or maybe Jack and Rose from Titanic? haha

What other forums do you frequent? This is the only one, and I'm still not quite sure how this happened.

How did you get addicted to the internet? I was first allowed on the internet when I was about ten or eleven and I developed an addiction to Neopets.

Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion) Depends on what kind of reality tv show.

Do you shop online? I buy pretty much everything online because I hate going into shops.

Do you have a hobby? I like to read, I like to write fiction, and I'm part of a climbing/mountaineering society at uni.

Do you believe in dreams/astrology? No, I'm probably the most cynical person in the world. I don't believe in anything.

How would you describe your last relationship? He loved me more than I loved him.

[Anonymousse]

What are you listening to right now?
Venus flytrap - Visa for love

How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester?
UNI? A lot, alot-alot. I hope I will be able to graduate this year.

What was your first OTP?
Die X Shinya from Dir en Grey

What other forums do you frequent?
Some... Forums =D. GG not anymore because I don't have an account anymore. Some only because I mod.

How did you get addicted to the internet?
No friends until i was 14, and Internet was weird like me.

Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion)
Never, I have too much to hide.

Do you shop online?
Rarely, but if then for Japanese or Vegan food and Korean cosmetics. Even being an IT student, I have a phobia of buying stuff online with a credit card.

Do you have a hobby?
Define hobby.

Do you believe in dreams/astrology?
Well umh, my dreams are very umh... sexual? So believing in them would be weird.

Astrology? Umm.. I do have the Taurus/Dog traits so I have always thought that was weird. And my worst relationship was dating someone 6 years older, which is supposed to be the worst match (I was also 16 lol).

How would you describe your last relationship?
Current - Great, Calm, Supportive.

Last - My god your dad is such an anti-feminist and hates me, get your head out of your ass.


Umm, What else?

[loststars]

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

That's a very interesting question! I didn't even know of Aphantasia, wow. I can picture more general/faint images, nothing too specific but more like a feeling. I also often ~get into~ the story and I feel like I'm accompanying the characters?! Kind of?

I was really active on mailing lists and yahoo groups, forums, and then once I hit college and for the first time in my life had an internet connection that wasn't dialup, I was on livejournal nonstop. (I also do remember being very into icon making challenges, landcomms, and fic communities. I miss LJ.)

Aw, those simpler times, there was definitely a feeling of belonging.

Something unrelated, I sometimes wonder how often there has been some cultural misunderstanding now that I'm living in a multi-cultural environment for the first time. It has made me less socially anxious but the awkwardness will be forever with me, it seems I adore stories about diverse families, it's so adorable! But there will always be a bit of language barrier..

[DryCereal]

Jeez, IckleMissMayhem you're my idol with all these sports! Wish I was more coordinated What kind of instruments do you play?

WRT: Sports - You know the phrase "jack of all trades, master of none?" Me to a T! Nah, I'm good technically, I just don't have an ounce of competitiveness in my body, so I'm not as good as I could be. I enjoy teaching/coaching faaaaaaar far more than competing/racing/whatever. Probably (and I'm probably over-analysing here) because it's far easier and more comfortable being picky and finding and fixing mistakes other people make than those you do yourself.

Music, I play all of the classical strings, (though I don't own my own Double Bass. "One day...!") that "devil whistle" recorder family (there's FIVE. FIVE, OK?! ) and the flute and piccolo (baaaadly, at least compared to any of the others - self-taught those two!) Also used to do a lot of professional singing/playing/stage stuff when I was younger, nowadays it's all kept for my own enjoyment.
Started off with descant/soprano recorder - doesn't everybody(!) and started 'cello lessons when I was 8/9. Picked up all the others along the way.

[PolarFox]

I'm gonna jump on this thread 'cuz I'm trash.
What are you listening to right now?
The rain outside my window.

How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester?
Slowly dying, trying to get up with my grades and stuff

What was your first OTP?
Something from Harry Potter, totally.

What other forums do you frequent?
I don't really... I occassionaly lurk somewhere.

How did you get addicted to the internet?
I was given my very own laptop with wi-fi connection.

Would you join a reality tv show?
Neveeeeeerrr!
Do you shop online?
Way too much and too often.

Do you have a hobby?
Lurking the internet. Gaming. I used to play in the theatre but not anymore... I still do have singing lessons though.
Do you believe in dreams/astrology?
Not really. But I like to read stuff. I'm Leo by the way. And a Tiger in the Chinese one. Meow!
But my dreams, jesus christ, I don't want to know what one could psychoanalyze/read from them. They are mostly pretty weird.
How would you describe your last relationship?
Long distance love with way too little resources to keep it working. But I'm happy she opened my eyes about many things and was the thing that finally made me break from the relationship I had before that one became official.
The one before her... Complete mess.

[bluebox-away]

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

That's a very interesting question! I didn't even know of Aphantasia, wow. I can picture more general/faint images, nothing too specific but more like a feeling. I also often ~get into~ the story and I feel like I'm accompanying the characters?! Kind of?

It's so weird but yeah, even though I know what things look like I can't conjure them up in my mind I just have like an inner monologue of description of the features something's made up of? It's so hard to explain and I've yet to find someone who's the same way

[PolarFox]

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

That's a very interesting question! I didn't even know of Aphantasia, wow. I can picture more general/faint images, nothing too specific but more like a feeling. I also often ~get into~ the story and I feel like I'm accompanying the characters?! Kind of?

It's so weird but yeah, even though I know what things look like I can't conjure them up in my mind I just have like an inner monologue of description of the features something's made up of? It's so hard to explain and I've yet to find someone who's the same way

Look no more bluebox, same with me. My mind works exactly as you described it. Sometimes it works slightly like loststars said - but mostly like I see description or something and I faintly imagine something - like very faint image, but made from something I have already seen?
But mostly I don't really see or am able to imagine something if I'm reading. The max I can do is just to faintly recall something it reminds me of with maybe little alternation and even that stays in my mind for very little fraction of time. I always thought I was broken or that everyone was "imagining" things that way.

[SquishPhan]

What are you listening to right now?
Nothing, there is just silence, which I think is nice every now and then.

What was your first OTP?
I'm thinking this may have been Piper/Leo from Charmed.

What other forums do you frequent?
None.

How did you get addicted to the internet?
Don't remember, I have been this way for far too long. At least as long as I've had my first computer all to myself.

Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion)
No way. I like my privacy way too much for that to ever happen. Although I have a cousin who has tried to get on some multiple times. Without success so far.

Do you shop online?
Yes. Mostly for book, and sometimes for clothing.

Do you have a hobby?
I like to read and write. Like watching TV and movies. And nothing else comes to mind right now.

Do you believe in dreams/astrology? :illuminait:
I do not, but then again there is very little that I do believe in. Except for science, that I do believe.

I used to be on LJ, but wasn't very active. I mostly used it to follow some communities, almost all involving fanfcition.

[bluebox-away]

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

That's a very interesting question! I didn't even know of Aphantasia, wow. I can picture more general/faint images, nothing too specific but more like a feeling. I also often ~get into~ the story and I feel like I'm accompanying the characters?! Kind of?

It's so weird but yeah, even though I know what things look like I can't conjure them up in my mind I just have like an inner monologue of description of the features something's made up of? It's so hard to explain and I've yet to find someone who's the same way

Look no more bluebox, same with me. My mind works exactly as you described it. Sometimes it works slightly like loststars said - but mostly like I see description or something and I faintly imagine something - like very faint image, but made from something I have already seen?
But mostly I don't really see or am able to imagine something if I'm reading. The max I can do is just to faintly recall something it reminds me of with maybe little alternation and even that stays in my mind for very little fraction of time. I always thought I was broken or that everyone was "imagining" things that way.

Yay I'm not alone! The only way I can describe it is that images are on like "the tip of my tongue" but in my mind? Like I know what the image should be but I can't quite actually see it.. apparently around 1/50 people have this. I can't recall smells either but I can 'imagine' music in my mind, it's all very strange!

[Anonymousse]

Please reconsider before reading.

I need to get this out even if it is not going to be read.

Trigger Warning :

Suicide

A year ago.. tomorrow...

A year.. ago... tomorrow...

I remember when it was 05.04.15, We had a birthday party and you were also invited. You wanted to come (we know now because of your google search history) but you weren't sure how to come. Maybe that got you depressed? I still don't know, but we called a few times and we just couldn't reach you.

Others were your childhood friends and I was just a friend, I felt distraught and upset over the situation, but they told me that you often acted out like this and were out of reach when you felt "off". I believed in them and told myself that I had no RIGHT to disbelieve them because they knew you BETTER than I did.

We got contact on the evening of 06.04.15, you said that you were just fapping to hentai (probz) and didn't feel like coming. Everything seemed normal to them, I brushed it off but still felt weird.

I saw you in the Uni cafeteria at some point that week.. probably on 08.04.15... I wanted to talk to you but It felt weird... Even going over and asking you "How are you?" "Are you okay?" even more so "Are you feeling suicidal?"

10.04.15, was a Friday. I had finished work and was boarding a train to see my SO who lives an hour away from work/Uni. It was some 1:50 pm-ish when I boarded the train. At some 2:05 pm-ish the train stopped abruptly. before the whole train was at the station. People were annoyed and waiting. All of a sudden one of the workers on the train walked by and said someone had fallen infront of the train. A passenger asked if they are going to be okay and she replied that it would be impossible. I was horrified...

We waited for an hour, I saw a bike that looked familiar, and bagged body carried to an ambulance.. There were no sirens however, nothing to illustrate how horrified I was over this incident...
We boarded another train and were let to leave the scene.

When I arrived at the destination I heard the local rescue brigade worker bragging that she heard it was suicide. I wondered If I knew the person or not, and I was generally horrified that someone would jump in front of a train to kill themselves.

on 12.04.15, my SO came to my place to hang out. One of the people who was at the party told me on FaceBook "Oh, your SO probably told you already what happened"... I asked my SO, what didn't they tell me? And then... I got to know that the person I had been thinking of helping for the whole week had jumped in-front of the exact train that I had boarded. He was 23 at that time...

I have never been so fucked up in my entire life as I have been after this incident. It brought out the worst of my AvPD and severe neurosis. I can't trust anyone's judgment anymore except my own and suicide has become an incredibly sensitive issue to me.

You left no message, not on your phone or on your computer (don't trust your laptop with your friends who study IT). We saw a few hints in your searches but nothing more... But we know who caused the initial damage years and years before it happened, and for that I am so sorry... I'm sorry that I didn't know you at that time and I'm sorry I couldn't overcome my own awkwardness to help you. You were never a bad person anyways, just born into a difficult situation which made you clinically depressed and unable to feel worthy of having meaningful relationships.

Tl;Dr : Don't jump in-front of trains because people inside might get severe trauma.

Why did I tell you this? Because nobody else will listen, they all shrug it off like "meh so?". And also I'm pretty Anonymousse here so I don't have much to loose.

I might be really cranky tomorrow tho... just a heads up.

Dan and Phil heal wounds tho (but make my AvPD worse)

[loststars]

Please reconsider before reading.

I need to get this out even if it is not going to be read.

Trigger Warning :

Suicide

A year ago.. tomorrow...

A year.. ago... tomorrow...

I remember when it was 05.04.15, We had a birthday party and you were also invited. You wanted to come (we know now because of your google search history) but you weren't sure how to come. Maybe that got you depressed? I still don't know, but we called a few times and we just couldn't reach you.

Others were your childhood friends and I was just a friend, I felt distraught and upset over the situation, but they told me that you often acted out like this and were out of reach when you felt "off". I believed in them and told myself that I had no RIGHT to disbelieve them because they knew you BETTER than I did.

We got contact on the evening of 06.04.15, you said that you were just fapping to hentai (probz) and didn't feel like coming. Everything seemed normal to them, I brushed it off but still felt weird.

I saw you in the Uni cafeteria at some point that week.. probably on 08.04.15... I wanted to talk to you but It felt weird... Even going over and asking you "How are you?" "Are you okay?" even more so "Are you feeling suicidal?"

10.04.15, was a Friday. I had finished work and was boarding a train to see my SO who lives an hour away from work/Uni. It was some 1:50 pm-ish when I boarded the train. At some 2:05 pm-ish the train stopped abruptly. before the whole train was at the station. People were annoyed and waiting. All of a sudden one of the workers on the train walked by and said someone had fallen infront of the train. A passenger asked if they are going to be okay and she replied that it would be impossible. I was horrified...

We waited for an hour, I saw a bike that looked familiar, and bagged body carried to an ambulance.. There were no sirens however, nothing to illustrate how horrified I was over this incident...
We boarded another train and were let to leave the scene.

When I arrived at the destination I heard the local rescue brigade worker bragging that she heard it was suicide. I wondered If I knew the person or not, and I was generally horrified that someone would jump in front of a train to kill themselves.

on 12.04.15, my SO came to my place to hang out. One of the people who was at the party told me on FaceBook "Oh, your SO probably told you already what happened"... I asked my SO, what didn't they tell me? And then... I got to know that the person I had been thinking of helping for the whole week had jumped in-front of the exact train that I had boarded. He was 23 at that time...

I have never been so fucked up in my entire life as I have been after this incident. It brought out the worst of my AvPD and severe neurosis. I can't trust anyone's judgment anymore except my own and suicide has become an incredibly sensitive issue to me.

You left no message, not on your phone or on your computer (don't trust your laptop with your friends who study IT). We saw a few hints in your searches but nothing more... But we know who caused the initial damage years and years before it happened, and for that I am so sorry... I'm sorry that I didn't know you at that time and I'm sorry I couldn't overcome my own awkwardness to help you. You were never a bad person anyways, just born into a difficult situation which made you clinically depressed and unable to feel worthy of having meaningful relationships.

Tl;Dr : Don't jump in-front of trains because people inside might get severe trauma.

Why did I tell you this? Because nobody else will listen, they all shrug it off like "meh so?". And also I'm pretty Anonymousse here so I don't have much to loose.

I might be really cranky tomorrow tho... just a heads up.

Dan and Phil heal wounds tho (but make my AvPD worse)

Sending you all the support in the world.

[daphenaxa]

What are you listening to right now? Ivanka Stefanovic Oj, javore, javore
How much are you struggling with your job/uni this semester? high-school. not very actually i am doing alright
What was your first OTP? ok don't laugh but Yuri Gagarine+myself was my first OTP when I was very young like 4 (Dashuri?) I LOVED him for some reason. Then a bit later Marty McFly+myself (Dasharty). For other people, Lyra and Will from His dark materials I think.
What other forums do you frequent? goldenskate, IMDb
How did you get addicted to the internet? when i got a laptop 3 years ago.
Would you join a reality tv show? (In light of the Phil's BB ambitions discussion) NEVER
Do you shop online? sometimes. though I don't shop much at all in any ways tbh
Do you have a hobby? I play tennis but it's a bit more than a hobby at this point. I sail, play the piano, sometimes paint, watch figure skating, read, (try to) write, watch movies, stalk this forum and everything Dan and Phil.
Do you believe in dreams/astrology? not sure I understand what that means. I believe dreams can mean subconscious stuffs. Astrology I don't believe in horoscopes and things like that, but it seems that there is a pattern that personality is partially influenced by date of birth.
How would you describe your last relationship? pfff idk. confusing
Have any of you been on an IPB forum back in the early 00's when they were so popular? Or on LiveJournal? No clue was IPB is but i was on ONTD_skating on livejournal around 2010. Was such a cool forum.

edit aw Anonymousse

[DryCereal]

Please reconsider before reading.

I need to get this out even if it is not going to be read.

Trigger Warning :

Suicide

A year ago.. tomorrow...

A year.. ago... tomorrow...

I remember when it was 05.04.15, We had a birthday party and you were also invited. You wanted to come (we know now because of your google search history) but you weren't sure how to come. Maybe that got you depressed? I still don't know, but we called a few times and we just couldn't reach you.

Others were your childhood friends and I was just a friend, I felt distraught and upset over the situation, but they told me that you often acted out like this and were out of reach when you felt "off". I believed in them and told myself that I had no RIGHT to disbelieve them because they knew you BETTER than I did.

We got contact on the evening of 06.04.15, you said that you were just fapping to hentai (probz) and didn't feel like coming. Everything seemed normal to them, I brushed it off but still felt weird.

I saw you in the Uni cafeteria at some point that week.. probably on 08.04.15... I wanted to talk to you but It felt weird... Even going over and asking you "How are you?" "Are you okay?" even more so "Are you feeling suicidal?"

10.04.15, was a Friday. I had finished work and was boarding a train to see my SO who lives an hour away from work/Uni. It was some 1:50 pm-ish when I boarded the train. At some 2:05 pm-ish the train stopped abruptly. before the whole train was at the station. People were annoyed and waiting. All of a sudden one of the workers on the train walked by and said someone had fallen infront of the train. A passenger asked if they are going to be okay and she replied that it would be impossible. I was horrified...

We waited for an hour, I saw a bike that looked familiar, and bagged body carried to an ambulance.. There were no sirens however, nothing to illustrate how horrified I was over this incident...
We boarded another train and were let to leave the scene.

When I arrived at the destination I heard the local rescue brigade worker bragging that she heard it was suicide. I wondered If I knew the person or not, and I was generally horrified that someone would jump in front of a train to kill themselves.

on 12.04.15, my SO came to my place to hang out. One of the people who was at the party told me on FaceBook "Oh, your SO probably told you already what happened"... I asked my SO, what didn't they tell me? And then... I got to know that the person I had been thinking of helping for the whole week had jumped in-front of the exact train that I had boarded. He was 23 at that time...

I have never been so fucked up in my entire life as I have been after this incident. It brought out the worst of my AvPD and severe neurosis. I can't trust anyone's judgment anymore except my own and suicide has become an incredibly sensitive issue to me.

You left no message, not on your phone or on your computer (don't trust your laptop with your friends who study IT). We saw a few hints in your searches but nothing more... But we know who caused the initial damage years and years before it happened, and for that I am so sorry... I'm sorry that I didn't know you at that time and I'm sorry I couldn't overcome my own awkwardness to help you. You were never a bad person anyways, just born into a difficult situation which made you clinically depressed and unable to feel worthy of having meaningful relationships.

Tl;Dr : Don't jump in-front of trains because people inside might get severe trauma.

Why did I tell you this? Because nobody else will listen, they all shrug it off like "meh so?". And also I'm pretty Anonymousse here so I don't have much to loose.

I might be really cranky tomorrow tho... just a heads up.

Dan and Phil heal wounds tho (but make my AvPD worse)

I hope you do feel at least a little better for having gotten that out. Anniversaries are always rough, none more so than the first. Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and your friend and will be tomorrow, if you need someone to chat/type/yell at I'll be around either on threads, or via PM. Massive hugs sweetheart.

[SquishPhan]

Please reconsider before reading.

I need to get this out even if it is not going to be read.

Trigger Warning :

Suicide

A year ago.. tomorrow...

A year.. ago... tomorrow...

I remember when it was 05.04.15, We had a birthday party and you were also invited. You wanted to come (we know now because of your google search history) but you weren't sure how to come. Maybe that got you depressed? I still don't know, but we called a few times and we just couldn't reach you.

Others were your childhood friends and I was just a friend, I felt distraught and upset over the situation, but they told me that you often acted out like this and were out of reach when you felt "off". I believed in them and told myself that I had no RIGHT to disbelieve them because they knew you BETTER than I did.

We got contact on the evening of 06.04.15, you said that you were just fapping to hentai (probz) and didn't feel like coming. Everything seemed normal to them, I brushed it off but still felt weird.

I saw you in the Uni cafeteria at some point that week.. probably on 08.04.15... I wanted to talk to you but It felt weird... Even going over and asking you "How are you?" "Are you okay?" even more so "Are you feeling suicidal?"

10.04.15, was a Friday. I had finished work and was boarding a train to see my SO who lives an hour away from work/Uni. It was some 1:50 pm-ish when I boarded the train. At some 2:05 pm-ish the train stopped abruptly. before the whole train was at the station. People were annoyed and waiting. All of a sudden one of the workers on the train walked by and said someone had fallen infront of the train. A passenger asked if they are going to be okay and she replied that it would be impossible. I was horrified...

We waited for an hour, I saw a bike that looked familiar, and bagged body carried to an ambulance.. There were no sirens however, nothing to illustrate how horrified I was over this incident...
We boarded another train and were let to leave the scene.

When I arrived at the destination I heard the local rescue brigade worker bragging that she heard it was suicide. I wondered If I knew the person or not, and I was generally horrified that someone would jump in front of a train to kill themselves.

on 12.04.15, my SO came to my place to hang out. One of the people who was at the party told me on FaceBook "Oh, your SO probably told you already what happened"... I asked my SO, what didn't they tell me? And then... I got to know that the person I had been thinking of helping for the whole week had jumped in-front of the exact train that I had boarded. He was 23 at that time...

I have never been so fucked up in my entire life as I have been after this incident. It brought out the worst of my AvPD and severe neurosis. I can't trust anyone's judgment anymore except my own and suicide has become an incredibly sensitive issue to me.

You left no message, not on your phone or on your computer (don't trust your laptop with your friends who study IT). We saw a few hints in your searches but nothing more... But we know who caused the initial damage years and years before it happened, and for that I am so sorry... I'm sorry that I didn't know you at that time and I'm sorry I couldn't overcome my own awkwardness to help you. You were never a bad person anyways, just born into a difficult situation which made you clinically depressed and unable to feel worthy of having meaningful relationships.

Tl;Dr : Don't jump in-front of trains because people inside might get severe trauma.

Why did I tell you this? Because nobody else will listen, they all shrug it off like "meh so?". And also I'm pretty Anonymousse here so I don't have much to loose.

I might be really cranky tomorrow tho... just a heads up.

Dan and Phil heal wounds tho (but make my AvPD worse)

That sucks. huge understatement I know Huge hugs, and lots of love.

[Anonymousse]

Thanks everyone,

If I feel the need to vent more, I will just come here with all my spoilers and trigger warnings.

*le hugs le everyone*

[loststars]

Feel better soon, Anonymousse ! We are here for you



I'm currently working on a project that involves reading conspiracy theories about plane crashes and some of the ridiculousness I've seen is just...

Q: Could flight MH370 fly out into space?

- Alan, Brisbane

A: No, conventional airplanes cannot fly into space.

...All experts were brought into the bunker in Pakistan. The sources mentioned that a militant named “Hitch” instructed the pilot throughout its journey...

Maybe it was a blackhole

Do you maybe have some favourite ones to share? This is rather fun

[shikaritrash]

Thanks everyone,

If I feel the need to vent more, I will just come here with all my spoilers and trigger warnings.

*le hugs le everyone*

Just lots of to you!
I can't imagine what it felt like.

[PolarFox]

Something I'm really interested to know from people: can you literally picture images in your mind when you think of things, or do you only see faint images, or just see or hear words? I found out today I probably have Aphantasia as I literally cannot conjure up any images in my mind and it's really fucked me up

That's a very interesting question! I didn't even know of Aphantasia, wow. I can picture more general/faint images, nothing too specific but more like a feeling. I also often ~get into~ the story and I feel like I'm accompanying the characters?! Kind of?

It's so weird but yeah, even though I know what things look like I can't conjure them up in my mind I just have like an inner monologue of description of the features something's made up of? It's so hard to explain and I've yet to find someone who's the same way

Look no more bluebox, same with me. My mind works exactly as you described it. Sometimes it works slightly like loststars said - but mostly like I see description or something and I faintly imagine something - like very faint image, but made from something I have already seen?
But mostly I don't really see or am able to imagine something if I'm reading. The max I can do is just to faintly recall something it reminds me of with maybe little alternation and even that stays in my mind for very little fraction of time. I always thought I was broken or that everyone was "imagining" things that way.

Yay I'm not alone! The only way I can describe it is that images are on like "the tip of my tongue" but in my mind? Like I know what the image should be but I can't quite actually see it.. apparently around 1/50 people have this. I can't recall smells either but I can 'imagine' music in my mind, it's all very strange!

I have the same experiences, I can quite vividly imagine music in my mind but not much else. What a special snowlfakes we are.

Thanks everyone,

If I feel the need to vent more, I will just come here with all my spoilers and trigger warnings.

*le hugs le everyone*

Le much hugs to you and hope you feel better.