Dan & Phil Part 101: Gays In The Wild

[lefthandedism]

I know we all have this fantasy of Dan and Phil being in a happy, long-term romantic relationship and living in domestic bliss in their custom forever home, but we have to accept that this might not be reality. They could very well just be platonic best friends who decided to build a house together because they didn't want to rent anymore and they enjoy living together. Maybe Dan really does have commitment issues that make him afraid of getting into a serious romantic relationship. Maybe he just wants to have fun and play the field now that he's free to do that. Maybe he is with Phil, but they're not exclusive, or they have a relationship that's in between romance and friendship. We don't know these people. We see the tiny parts of their lives they're willing to share with us and the rest is in our heads.

I think there are (at least) two pieces of why we remain attached to the duo of Dan and Phil. First, because the story of their romance is an amazing modern-day fairy tale. Second, because the enduring ambiguity of their relationship status gives us a place to talk about and work out what they, we, or anyone means by "relationship status".

Contemplating the mysteries of the human heart is one of the things that keeps us going, even in the darkest times.

Also, phantasticfacts!

[rizzo]

Can't believe I'm making pro-phan arguments in the year of our lord 2021, but........

A single, stereotypical tweet from Dan should not completely dissolve the obvious conclusion that comes from 2 gay men designing and buying a house together after a decade of living as a unit.

Like. Come on, y'all. How are we still dragging along Occam's Razor? This thing's heavy. I'm tired.

[adorally]

Like so many other points within my time of following Dan and Phil (sigh LOL), I need to remind myself that I don't really care where they are romantically with each other and the nuances of that relationship. They're extremely nice people, they obviously care about each other loads, and that's better than good enough for me

[Megancita75]

Yeah, I think we are all going to come at this from different angles and from different value systems and parasocial projections. For me, I continue to find their partnership and emotional connection fascinating and inspiring. The words they use or that we use to categorize that is less interesting to me. So maybe that means their relationship falls on the "formless blob" spectrum for me and I'm ok with that.

Tangentially, though, I must say that one of the things I really like about fandom is how people express their own range of sexual experiences. Like, I really enjoy the horny, humorously degenerate side of social media that I've discovered through fandom and what I've learned about folks who experience attraction and sexual content in a very different way than I do.

As for the Phil vid, I'm guessing it's going to be the filler variety because the dude seems like he's been busy, so cereal tier list seems valid, and I've seen a few other YTubers do it recently (Nathan Zed comes to mind). But, there is a part of me that thinks the only person who would make him wake up at 8 a.m. is Kath, so my wildly unrealistic hope is for a Mom Lester cameo.

[alittledizzy]

A message from Dan in a merch email to let people know signed books are back.

Hello everyone - I hope your summers are somewhat vacational and vaccinational.

The publishing powers that be have kindly allowed me to sign more copies of 'You Will Get Through This Night' for this store once more! Who knows when this window will open again before I am sent out to fulfil my duty and metaphorically massage the shoulders of a bookstore manager, so if you wish to have a piece of my frenzied left-handed scribble on the previously pure paper at the front ..you can do that now while it lasts. Thank you!


I want to say how incredibly appreciative I am of everyone who has supported me and read the book so far. Ironically, the entire process of writing this book about mental health was incredibly stressful to me, so to see it be so successful and resonate with so many people makes it all (the creative process and my life generally) worth it. The book has turned out to be a surprise hit with the locals and olds among us, after months of me doing every regional TV/radio and random podcast in the world while wearing that one black sweater which you may be relieved to know I have since dry cleaned, but all of you who have followed me for years and supported me via this website were here first.

Don't let the two instagram photos I've posted give you a false impression of how together my life is - which I realise is basically the whole point of the app. I've been trying to vibe peacefully around dozens of builders who are still somehow finishing things in my new place. They collectively refer to me as 'the boy' and I can't decide how I feel about that as I'm probably older than half of them and it feels vaguely similar to the plot of something I saw on a website once, but this is my life for the next few weeks.

Thank you for reading and now I will go back to making whatever mysterious content I am crafting from my rat nest.

HAVE A NICE LIFE
- Dan

[kavat]

No matter how many times I sign up for his shop emails I never seem to get them.

I love that he makes the clear distinction between us and "the locals and olds". He knows he has a very wide audience, most of which only catch him here and there, and then there's uh us who follow his every step. Navigating that must be a challenge at times.

[Catallena]

They STILL have builders around their place?

anyway look dan decided to give a sign of life on the gram too

[lefthandedism]

A message from Dan in a merch email to let people know signed books are back.

I've been trying to vibe peacefully around dozens of builders who are still somehow finishing things in my new place. They collectively refer to me as 'the boy' and I can't decide how I feel about that as I'm probably older than half of them and it feels vaguely similar to the plot of something I saw on a website once, but this is my life for the next few weeks.

- Dan

This is Dan content I like. Love the wink at a certain website that hosts all sorts of plots involving Dan!

[Phanshy]

A message from Dan in a merch email to let people know signed books are back.

I've been trying to vibe peacefully around dozens of builders who are still somehow finishing things in my new place. They collectively refer to me as 'the boy' and I can't decide how I feel about that as I'm probably older than half of them and it feels vaguely similar to the plot of something I saw on a website once, but this is my life for the next few weeks.

- Dan

This is Dan content I like. Love the wink at a certain website that hosts all sorts of plots involving Dan!

I thought he was talking about pornhub or or another purveyor of porn lol.

[brq]

on another note I wonder if either of them will be involved with London Pride this year ? I didn't realise it was on until I got invited via work but it's September 11th

I am quoting myself to now say: nevermind, it has just been cancelled. Sad face Now to wrestle my money back from BA....

[inanerat]

I love that he makes the clear distinction between us and "the locals and olds". He knows he has a very wide audience, most of which only catch him here and there, and then there's uh us who follow his every step. Navigating that must be a challenge at times.

I feel like this is an interesting observation given what we've been talking about for the past two days. Dan (and Phil, but maybe Dan a bit moreso?) has a wider audience than those of us who are active in online fan communities every single day and I think that is something they are aware of. Some things (a random horny or more generic joking tweet, etc.) aren't super targeted at "us" and it can feel out of place and dissapointing.

Also I love that shelf! The plants are delightful and the candles are very them (and apparently very expensive lol) and it's interesting to see that they've really gone to town with the inset track lighting, not just with the black shelves. My immense hunger for house content has been somewhat staved off by that one picture but I am still craving more and crossing my fingers for new peeks in the upcoming Phil viddy.

[fruitcriminals]

To be quite honest Phil could post a video about exhaust pipes, the dictionary or reusing your coffee filters at this point and i'd watch it.

On the Dan thing. It makes me wonder if perhaps I shouldn't have posted quite so many thirsty Loki pictures with god DAMN captions. Lmao. I know Mr FC could care less, also I know he would rather poke out his own eye with a fork than watch any instagram story let alone mine. And I married him so y'know. We do kinda be having a thing. I can't say I ever watch his either. I don't even know if he posts a story. And I never even think of Phil when Dan posts that ish tbh. He has said so many times things like well 'if in another life I would'. Because...that's just not his life. IDK perhaps that's just me but just cos something or someone or some situation is hot and you like it doesn't mean that much in reality. And socials are not reality.

[shan]

I don’t have much to add because this isn’t a conversation I enjoy but I have strong doubts that 140-character Dan once every few weeks is more authentic than an hour twice a week Dan we got for several months but that’s just me.

Dan stating in his book that he was ghosted by a bunch of people when he reached out to them because the only thing he was offering was friendship also isn’t very fitting with the horny jokes Dan makes being genuine. If thinking they aren't together makes some people happy, that's fine! But acting like people who think they are together are the illogical ones is a bit of a stretch.

[kavat]

I truly think that the horny tweets are just pent up gay jokes he needs to get out. Just like Phil keeps reminding us he's gay every 5 minutes of his videos. It's not a big difference from any gay person I follow on twitter, single or not. Just look at Kevin Abstracts twitter, he'll be much more explicit about his horniness (sometimes towards specific people like his bandmates) just to talk about how much he loves his boyfriend in the next tweet.

The whole "my partner can't even look at a person of the attractive gender" thing feels to me like a possessive straight person red flag that we should not perpetuate.

[kavat]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

[Levitating]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

You're right, but it's different once you have that attention, once you have the secs (lolz) and - most overwhelmingly - the love. Usually people no longer feel the need to have that kind of attention (unless they perhaps are insecure about the relationship because of an inattentive partner or personal insecurities).
So that Dan may be using his persona on Twitter (failing to carter to us faithful subscribers) or he is not in a traditional relationship

I did like reading his community message and the acknowledgement of us followers who've always been there for him. He was reading this forum, wasn't he

[alittledizzy]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

You're right, but it's different once you have that attention, once you have the secs (lolz) and - most overwhelmingly - the love. Usually people no longer feel the need to have that kind of attention (unless they perhaps are insecure about the relationship because of an inattentive partner or personal insecurities).
So that Dan may be using his persona on Twitter (failing to carter to us faithful subscribers) or he is not in a traditional relationship

I definitely disagree with that! A relationship doesn't take the place of a community, and being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop wanting to seek out attention. I would argue the better and more secure the relationship, the less a partner would be bothered by someone wanting to engage with a community that's relatively new to them in a way that feels fun and exciting to them. Phil got to have his uni days flirting with boys on the internet and feeling himself. Dan didn't! Words don't always equal action or follow through, especially since at absolutely no point has Dan's attention been directed at any specific person.

[inanerat]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

This. I feel so much like in a lot of ways he's letting out a bit of pent up energy after finally being out but also just feeling more comfortable returning to his natural state of being a bit of a ho if he wants to tweet about wanting men and show a bit of upper thigh on instagram, good for him.

[Levitating]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

You're right, but it's different once you have that attention, once you have the secs (lolz) and - most overwhelmingly - the love. Usually people no longer feel the need to have that kind of attention (unless they perhaps are insecure about the relationship because of an inattentive partner or personal insecurities).
So that Dan may be using his persona on Twitter (failing to carter to us faithful subscribers) or he is not in a traditional relationship

I definitely disagree with that! A relationship doesn't take the place of a community, and being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop wanting to seek out attention. I would argue the better and more secure the relationship, the less a partner would be bothered by someone wanting to engage with a community that's relatively new to them in a way that feels fun and exciting to them. Phil got to have his uni days flirting with boys on the internet and feeling himself. Dan didn't! Words don't always equal action or follow through, especially since at absolutely no point has Dan's attention been directed at any specific person.

But I was not talking about attention in general, but of that kind - the sexual one.
And I would argue again that, unless you're not into a traditional relationship/unless there's an insecurity factor, you no longer usually need/look for that sexual attention that he had all the freedom to seek out outside of the relationship!

[fruitcriminals]

Also (excuse the double post but) Dan has been horny on main since the minute he got online. The dude was posting nudes on dailybooth to get his crush's attention. We just haven't seen it so frequent in the past decade.

You're right, but it's different once you have that attention, once you have the secs (lolz) and - most overwhelmingly - the love. Usually people no longer feel the need to have that kind of attention (unless they perhaps are insecure about the relationship because of an inattentive partner or personal insecurities).
So that Dan may be using his persona on Twitter (failing to carter to us faithful subscribers) or he is not in a traditional relationship

I definitely disagree with that! A relationship doesn't take the place of a community, and being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop wanting to seek out attention. I would argue the better and more secure the relationship, the less a partner would be bothered by someone wanting to engage with a community that's relatively new to them in a way that feels fun and exciting to them. Phil got to have his uni days flirting with boys on the internet and feeling himself. Dan didn't! Words don't always equal action or follow through, especially since at absolutely no point has Dan's attention been directed at any specific person.

But I was not talking about attention in general, but of that kind - the sexual one.
And I would argue again that, unless you're not into a traditional relationship/unless there's an insecurity factor, you no longer usually need/look for that sexual attention that he had all the freedom to seek out outside of the relationship!

As someone married I'm just gonna add my 2p worth here (2 cents or whatever currency you would like). Just because you are in a relationship, bf x gf, gf x gf, bf, bf or whatever, doesn't mean you stop existing as a singular person. And posting something like that isn't actually saying hello I would like some dick. It's just the statement as wrote.

Posting sexual social media ish also doesn't mean you necessarily do OR don't want sexual attention. It means what you want it to mean.

I have pictures of my holidays that Mr FC has taken on my instagram that could be considered 'thirst traps' that I consider omg I am looking good in this bikini vs ten yeas ago I looked like a mcdonalds muffin in a swimsuit, I have posted like damn x or y.... it doesn't mean anything to me because I am married so it's all just extra stuff. No shade to anyone or them if they aren't in a monogamous relationship but if you are, you don't have to turn into some non-you weird portion of yourself. You can fancy someone irl, a celeb or whatever.

Not everyone is possessive, clingy or upset by these type of things. Especially the gay community or people dating 30+ who have already seen some shit.

[Levitating]

To feel sexy is different, though, from wanting attention. Do you want sexual attention, by posting those pictures? I don't think so; It's the same as dressing sexy is not a call for ugly people to catcall you or worse; you are simply feeling yourself and your partner doesn't mind if people send you thirsty messages thinking that's what you want.
On the other hand, Dan says that he wants the sexual attention, he talks about actually going and have casual secs & everything. Further, he does not acknowledge Phil as his partner (because of all the good reasons they have for wanting to be private), which means interested people are even more free to give him that sexual attention.

[Megancita75]

Maybe there are some cultural differences at play in this conversation, both in terms of what part of the world you are from but also the specific religious and moral and social context you grew up in or live in now. Because I do not agree at all that once you are in a long-term partnership that the desire desire for outside sexual attention goes away or that it is something you should try and deny nor repress if you do want it. I think that is very much a conversation to have with your partner and figure out together what you are each ok with. I also don’t think that wanting sexual attention is a sign of disrespect to your partner. Most of the couples I know get a few drinks in them and are flirting like mad with everyone and that’s seen as totally ok in most of those long term relationships; it’s fun for everyone. I just don’t think that there is any universal consensus as to how people in a long-term committed partnership should feel or behave.

[fruitcriminals]

To feel sexy is different, though, from wanting attention. Do you want sexual attention, by posting those pictures? I don't think so; It's the same as dressing sexy is not a call for ugly people to catcall you or worse; you are simply feeling yourself and your partner doesn't mind if people send you thirsty messages thinking that's what you want.
On the other hand, Dan says that he wants the sexual attention, he talks about actually going and have casual secs & everything. Further, he does not acknowledge Phil as his partner (because of all the good reasons they have for wanting to be private), which means interested people are even more free to give him that sexual attention.

I don’t really get this tbh. you post what you want and people respond as they do. sexual attention isn’t meaning you even respond
if he was having casual sex we would have known, rich people who aren’t even famoust have legal contracts up the whahzoo

[shan]

On the other hand, Dan says that he wants the sexual attention, he talks about actually going and have casual secs & everything. Further, he does not acknowledge Phil as his partner (because of all the good reasons they have for wanting to be private), which means interested people are even more free to give him that sexual attention.

He's made a joke about casual sex once or twice. As others have said, after being closeted for over a decade he's finally able to be open about his sexuality but he doesn't want that to include his relationship. Snappy, questionable jokes and exaggeration have always been Dan's way of communicating and I really don't think there's any reason to take something he says seriously if it feels like all his sentence is missing is a ba dum tsss.

From what he said in BIG, there's every chance that he did have some amount of casual sex in 2009. Could he talk about it then? No. Can he talk about it now? Yes, but prefacing a tweet etc. with '12 years ago' is obviously very telling. He's got so many experiences from his time in the closet, given the context of everything we know about Dan and Phil, it seems far more likely to me that he is either drawing on past experience he's never been able to talk about or it's all just another one of his relatable jokes that isn't geared towards most of the phandom. Considering most of this has happened through COVID, I think the assumption that he's been hooking up with anyone but Phil is a pretty questionable one.

[LAshleigh]

The idea of Dan (or Phil) looking for a relationship outside of each other always makes me laugh a little. Like "Oh, who's that guy? Yeah he's my ex and best friend of over a decade, we spend every day together, co-own a house, hundreds of thousands of people ship us together and we haven't denied that we're together in years. I publicly called him my soulmate a few years ago and will probably never even mention you. But no, no reason to be threatened by him."

I roll my eyes at the things Dan says/tweets sometimes (and cringe a lil at things like the aspirational STDs joke) - and maybe Phil does too - but I don't see any reason for him to be threatened by it. My fiancée and I are still escaping the grip that both homophobia and purity culture had on us in our teens and early twenties; I'd honestly be pretty proud of her confidence if she posted a thirst trap or racy tweet. I don't vibe with the exact jokes Dan makes, but if he's coming from a similar background (and we know that he is) I see why he'd want to post them.